


When You Know...You Know

by ScrapyardBoyfriends



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M, attempted suicide, baby robron, kind of, nothing worse than the show, probably lots of angst, probably some fluff too, there will be mentions of gordon througout
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:18:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 181,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9640421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrapyardBoyfriends/pseuds/ScrapyardBoyfriends
Summary: What happens when Robert takes Andy up on his offer after Jack's funeral to come back to Emmerdale and help look after the farm and he and Aaron become best friends eventually.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Robert comes back to Butler's which means that Andy never loses the farm so the Bartons never move in. Robert and Aaron end up becoming friends instead (eventually, I promise). This will stick pretty close to canon events for a while, just with the addition of Robert, until it veers off on its own path when they get closer. 
> 
> I have most of it planned out so I hope I can stick with this and write it faster than the other story I started (sorry people who read that first chapter. I really do want to go back and work on that at some point). The chapters will probably mostly be shorter on this one, but I'm sure some will get longer than I intend them to be. 
> 
> Chapter 1 and 2 posted together.

February 2009

“They want me to be head of the family and run the farm. And I can't, but you can. This is where you should be. It's your rightful place.”

Andy's words play over and over in his head as he pulls up to the farmhouse, his life packed away in suitcases and boxes in the back seat. He's not sure what it was that brought him back, the sheer desperation in his brother's voice, that little longing for home that's always there somewhere nagging at him, or the fact that now Jack is gone, maybe he can enjoy it again. Whatever it is, he is regretting it right at this moment. He shifts the car into park and yanks the keys from the ignition and then just sits there for a moment, staring at the house, the keys jingling in his palm as he bounces them with nervous energy. So many bad memories, he wonders why he's doing this. The door opens though, and he has no choice but to confront his decision to come home as Victoria races out to meet him. 

She's grown up so much in the last four years, he realizes as she throws her arms around him, her head barely coming up to his shoulder. He's grown up too, a bit. “Miss me?” He asks. 

“You know I did,” she mumbles into his chest. 

Andy stands in the doorway, looking somewhat disheveled. He'd gotten an earful already from both Vic and Diane when he told them he was coming home, all about how hard the golden boy had had it lately. He wasn't exactly sure hitting your wife constituted as you having a hard time, but who was he ever to pass judgement over Andy when he was always in the wrong. He wondered if things would change now that he was back. He thought not, considering he'd also be scolded about staying away for so long and for not coming to the funeral properly. He tried to remind them that Jack had told him to go, but they didn't seem to hear it. Daz appears behind his brother, a foot taller than when he saw him last, and he's reminded again how much this is not his family anymore. He wants to get back in his car and head back down to London but Vic's grip on him won't let him go. 

“Alright Bro?” Robert asks as Andy emerges from the house. 

His brother only nods at him in response as he makes his way past him to the car, grabbing a box from the back. From the look on his face, it seems like he regrets asking him to come back just as much as he regrets accepting. Robert's sure this is all going to blow up in their faces spectacularly. 

Inside the house, he's confronted with a picture of Jack hanging on the wall and he feels his chin quiver and his throat start to close up. He knows a tear is threatening to fall but he swallows hard and fights it off. Even with just one photo, his dad still seems to have a presence in the room, ready to judge him and how he gets along with everyone. Robert feels vaguely determined to prove him wrong. 

\---

Robert is in a pair of overalls before he can even unpack his things. Already annoyed, he finds himself traipsing after Andy and Daz as they show him what needs doing on the farm. His brother really has let things go recently. There's a lot to do. 

He spends the afternoon practically knee deep in manure left behind by the friendly herd of cattle he now shares a home with once again. He's hardly pleased and he takes two showers afterwards before he feels even remotely human again, back in his designer jeans and leather jacket that cost far too much for what he was making at his desk job back in London. He was dressing for success though, or at least he hoped, yearning for a place on the sales team. Not that selling agricultural machinery was exactly glamorous but it was a start. It doesn’t bear thinking about now, whether or not he would have made it in the business world. He’s back here, on the farm, doing what his dad always wanted him to do, and that has to be enough for now. He catches a whiff of himself as he heads back downstairs. Yep, still smell vaguely of manure. Brilliant. 

There’s a pint for him in it at the Woolpack though, Andy’s shout for managing to get through day one without complaining, too much. He and Vic and Andy and Daz are all crammed into one of the booths in the corner as the still familiar sounds of the pub drift over him. Of course his name comes up, people are shocked to see him back. Nicola’s eyes practically bulge out of her head at the sight of him and the two remaining King brothers who have apparently become her new shadows are hardly pleased to see him either. When they’re done sneering at him, he shares a look with Andy across the table, images of country roads and burning cars bombarding him. Giving his brother a quick nod, he slides out of the booth and heads to get the next round in. 

“When Andy said you were coming back, I didn’t believe it,” Katie says, leaning beside him as he fiddles with a coaster, awaiting his order. 

“Yeah, well, here I am,” he says, feeling a thousand quips die on his tongue. He knew he’d see her. It was a small village; they could hardly avoid each other. He just didn’t know how he’d feel once he did. Conflicted. He still thought about her when he was down in London, but she was just an idea then and he had romanticized things a bit when he heard that she and Andy had split. Standing here next to her now though, her glaring at him with that judgy look of hers when he’s done something stupid, which he had to face it, was pretty much all the time, he’s just hurt. Hurt that she went straight back to Andy after he was gone. He knows that he screwed it up, cheating on her with Sadie but she had chosen him over Andy once, she had loved him once and still, she had gone back to his brother. It had always felt like a betrayal of what they had had. 

“Should of stayed away,” Katie tells him as she takes her glass of wine and heads over to a booth to join Chas Dingle of all people, who gives him a dirty look when she sees him as well. 

“Don’t listen to her, pet,” Diane smiles at him as she slides two pints for him and Andy across the bar. “It’s a good thing you’re doing, helping Andy out with the farm. I’m proud of you, and your dad would be too.” 

He shouldn’t be as pleased as he is by her words of praise but he can’t help the warm feeling that spreads through his chest at her words or hide the grin that flashes across his face. “Cheers Diane,” he returns her smile and picks up the drinks. At least someone seems vaguely happy to see him.


	2. Chapter Two

March 2009

“I just wanna get it over with,” Aaron says quickly, wringing his hands together in his lap, sweaty and a bit shaky. He didn’t mean to say it like that, but it’s not like it’s not true. He does want it over with, just wants to do it, to know what all the fuss is about. Maybe if he does it, all the other thoughts in his head will quiet. 

“What kind of expression’s that?” Victoria questions, turning on the sofa to look at him, face scrunched up in confusion. 

“Are you up for it or what?” He says, just wanting to move this along, get to the bit he’s suppose to be thinking about every six seconds or whatever that statistic is. 

“See! You’re doing it again!” Vic exclaims, eyes bugging out of her face. Even still, she looks nice, her hair is down and she clearly made some kind of an effort for him. He should want this, and he does, really. She thinks he’s desperate, and maybe he is, desperate to be normal. 

“You’re not gay are ya?” Vic blurts out. “And this is just like a front because you can’t handle your true sexuality?”

Aaron’s stomach drops and his heart is in his throat. He feels sick, because what if that’s exactly what this is. No, it can’t be. He won’t let it. “Yeah right!” he scoffs at her, hoping the quick response will show her it was a ridiculous notion to begin with. 

“Right! Calm down, I’m only joking!” she tells him and all he can think is, what if it’s not a joke. “It’s an expression!” She adds.

“Alright! Shut up!” Aaron starts raising his voice. He just wants her to stop. 

“Shut up yourself! You big...stupid virgin!” she jabs at him. 

Swivelling his head toward her, his eyes grow wide with a warning. He just needs this to work. He just wants it over with. He just wants to know if there’s a chance for him.

“Oh my god!” Vic practically squeals with amusement.

Aaron has his hands on Victoria’s face before he even knows what he’s doing, gripping hard. He just needs her to stop, needs her to shut up. “And you wonder why people hate ya!” he shouts in her face.

She shoves him off roughly and cries, “Get your hands off me now!” Aaron slumps back onto the sofa, staring at his hands as Vic stands up. “This is the part where I get my things and go!”

How could he have grabbed her like that? He thinks to himself. He knew what that was like, didn’t he? What was he thinking? It was just too much, her taunting him like that. All he wants is to be normal and she’s just making everything more difficult. Still, he knows he needs to try and make it right or else he’ll have Andy, Daz and the long lost brother, Robert, all coming after him. 

Catching up to Vic at the door he attempts to apologize, “Look I was out of order-”

“You were after someone to practice on,” she cuts him off. 

“No!” he promises her. “You’re a laugh!” It’s half true anyway. 

She laughs at him now and he deflates a bit. “Sorry, just with the candles, I shoulda known. Do you read a lot of Bridget Jones?”

And there she goes, making it hard again. He just needs to get her out of here, to save face, save at least some of his dignity or he’ll never hear the end of it. “Get your tarty little backside out of here!” he tells her, trying to hurt her now. Anything to get her to go. “I wouldn’t touch you anyway, cause I don’t know where you’ve been!”

“Obviously a lot further than you,” Vic counters. 

“Keep your mouth shut!” Aaron warns her again, grabbing onto her arm. 

“I’ll say what I like...Virginia!” she twists the knife one more time and leaves. 

Well that went spectacularly badly, Aaron thinks, as he spins on his heel, rage burning through his body. He needs to release it somewhere and his foot connects with the table, sending it flying, cans scattering everywhere. Hands on his head, he paces the room, wondering how this all went so wrong, wondering how he’s going to fix this, wondering how he’s going to keep from being the laughing stock of the village. A darker thought enters into his head, as he wonders how long before everyone knows what he is. How long before this tenuous grip on an actual home gets ripped away from him and he’s left with nothing?


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron's first interaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to just be jumping through some canon events for a bit, so it's going to jump through time pretty quickly

April 2009 

“...And he’s a Dingle! Or near enough anyway. Hard to keep track with that lot!” Andy has been going on for the last ten minutes about the new bloke Victoria has gotten herself involved with. They’ve been on and off again so much, it’s hard to even keep up. 

“So’s your daughter!” Robert points out as he grabs hold of the other end of the plank of wood and helps Andy carry it over to where they’re plugging a hole in one of the fences on the top field. 

Andy nearly drops his side of the plank, his eyes narrowing in frustration and his cheeks flushing red. “She’s a Sugden!” he says firmly. Robert knew Sarah and the Dingles were a sore point for Andy. That was why he said it. Debbie was fresh out of prison for perverting the course of justice or some such offense and now she was requesting time with her daughter and Andy was furious about it, moping about the place, slamming cabinet doors and cursing under his breath. “The only good Dingle is dead Dingle!” Andy shouts as he takes his anger out on the nail he’s hammering.

Better the nail than his face or this Aaron kid. Daz had already beaten him up once and Victoria had raged about it. “Well that’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Robert says as he does his best to hold the plank of wood steady as Andy slams the hammer into it more than it needs. He doesn’t see what is so terrible about Aaron. He’s seen him around the village, all scowls and hoodies and a smart mouth. Maybe he reminds him a bit of himself, which would make Andy’s hatred of him make sense. Apparently he’s Chas’s kid. They live with Paddy, the bumbling vet. As much as he doesn’t really like Chas, Paddy is certainly out of his league with her. Of course, everyone in the village seems to be counting the days until she gets back with Carl King, despite his engagement to Lexi. He’s even heard that Betty and Pearl have a bet going and he’s been thinking about trying to get in on the action. 

Andy chucks the hammer at the ground as if it has personally offended him and checks his mobile. “Flippin’ hell, I missed a call. There’s no reception up here,” he curses as he examines his phone further. “I recognize the number. It’s the school. She’s probably skiving with Aaron again.” 

“It’s not like you and I were any better at her age,” Robert reminds him. 

“Yeah, and look how we turned out,” Andy scoffs. “She should be in school, not hanging out with that waste of space!” 

Robert holds up his hands in mock surrender. 

“Look, I’ll finish up here. Just go be useful and find her or summat,” Andy orders him as he picks up another plank of wood and hauls it over to the fence. 

Robert drags his feet a little, wanting to be the cool brother and not spoil all her fun the way Andy and Daz do. It's nice to be liked by at least one member of his own family. Perhaps he should have been a little more diligent though because in the end he finds her at the cricket pavilion, leaning on Aaron’s shoulder completely bladdered. He feels like Jack, towering over them disapprovingly and knows he better get Vic home. Andy certainly won't be pleased. Though by the looks of it, it seems she's been drinking for a while so he's not sure he really could have prevented this much. 

“Come on Vic,” he says, reaching out a hand to help her up. “Let's get you home before Andy has both our heads.”

“But, but I've not run out of stones yet!” She protests and he sees the little pile of pebbles still clutched in her hand and the others scattered across the porch of the pavilion. 

“Yeah, may...maybe she does-doesn't wanna go,” Aaron slurs, nudging at Vic with his shoulder. Well, he doesn't want her to go. He’s finally making this work again and it feels good, normal. If she goes, then he's back to being on his own, drunk and lonely, not that he'd admit that to anyone. He's just glad it's Robert that showed up to drag Vic home. Definitely the preferable brother, Aaron muses, as he stares up at him, watching the way the fabric of his leather jacket stretches over his broad shoulders as he reaches down to pull Vic up to her feet. He knows he's staring hard but in his defense he's only trying to focus his admittedly blurred vision and make sure there's only one Robert instead of two looming over him. 

“Well tough,” Robert sighs. He doesn’t really have time for drunken teenagers right now, not when he’s sure that Andy will try and make out that this is his fault somehow. 

Aaron doesn’t like Robert’s attitude with him and he lurches to his feet, can still clutched tightly in his hand. He wobbles a bit and raises his other hand, half for balance and half to point at Robert, determined to come up with something he can say to get at him, to get Victoria to stay just a little longer. He doesn’t get a word out though because Robert puts a hand on his arm and he can’t form any words just yet. He’s just staring at the long fingers splayed over his forearm. 

“Whoa, steady there mate,” Robert says, gripping a little harder to keep the lad upright. 

Aaron finds his voice suddenly, “Don’t call me mate!” he shouts at him, his words slurring together to the point he’s not sure it really comes across as he means it. He resents the softness in Robert’s voice. He doesn’t need that. 

Robert pulls his hand away from Aaron’s arm and shakes his head at him, “Fine by me,” he tells him and then turns back to his sister, who’s head is burrowed into his chest at this point. “Right, let’s get home and face the wrath of Andy.” 

Vic just nods and lazily turns her head back towards Aaron who is nearly digging his fingernails into the railing of the pavilion he’s holding on so tightly. “Bye!” she giggles as he pulls her with him down the steps. Andy is going to be a nightmare tonight, Daz too probably, he sighs, already ready just head to bed and hope tomorrow will be better. He’s not quite sure what he imagined life would be like, coming back and helping on the farm, but carrying his drunk teenage sister home to face being shouted at by his brother, definitely wasn’t it. He can’t help but think of London at times like these, about the life he could be living.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's April 22nd...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little sketch to go with the chapter today. Definitely won't be doing that every time but it's the weekend so why not. Thanks for all of the comments so far. Hope you enjoy!

[](http://imgur.com/RtoO08E)

April 2009

Robert sits at the bar, pint in hand, staring down into the amber liquid, dreaming about London. He’s not sure why. It’s not like he had that many mates in London, or that many relationship prospects either, but he’s twenty-three today and he’s lonely. Things at the farm are mad right now. Andy’s still stomping around the place, worrying about Sarah, yelling at Vic. Victoria is still defiant as ever since her little stunt with Aaron at the cricket pavilion. They’re usually joined at the hip these days but today he’s sat down the bar from him, the loud sound of his chewing his way through a bag of crisps really starting to grate on him. At least Andy will be pleased that Vic’s not bunking off school today for him. He thinks she does it half just to spite Andy and Daz too who was glaring at Vic across the breakfast table this morning. Robert barely knows what to make of Daz and Victoria’s relationship. Despite Scarlet usually draped around Daz’s neck, he could swear he noted a hint of jealousy in Daz’s expression as he stared down Vic and Aaron the other day. He brushed it off though; he was being ridiculous. What the hell did he know anyway? Not a lot, it seemed. 

That might explain why he’s sat here at twenty-three, his life feeling pretty damn directionless. He wonders absently as he takes a sip of his pint if he could still get his job back in London if he went back. Mr. White, the CEO liked him the first time he hired him, said he saw great potential for him in the firm. He wishes he had been able to reach it, instead of being sat here in his local pub drinking in the middle of the day to distract himself from the fact that no one remembered his birthday. 

He thinks about going into town, finding some random in Hotten to lose himself in. It’s not like he’s a stranger to the one night stand. There’s certainly no chance of him finding anyone around here. Katie still won’t give him the time of day, talks to Andy more than she does to him. There’s Maise, he thinks as he watches her serving another customer, but she’s been with Andy too and he’s done with his brother’s sloppy seconds. He runs through his other previous conquests in his head. Apparently he just missed Donna running off and Nicola’s with Jimmy King now, not that he’d ever go there again. Sighing, he takes another swig of his pint, swallowing loudly to try and combat the sound of Aaron incessantly crinkling his bag of crisps. Hotten it would have to be, he decides. Find some girl to take pity on him, or guy, he thinks fleetingly, but buries the thought quickly. He tried experimenting while he was in London, tried to let go. Once, he had ended up at a gay pub with some work acquaintances and he had lingered after they had gone, trying his hand at picking someone up. He downs the rest of his pint just thinking about it. All he had managed was a snog and a half hearted handjob in the toilets before Jack’s voice had forced its way into his head and he had cleared out of there as fast as possible. It had taken him nearly another year to try again. He’d managed to get further that time but he had snuck out of the guy’s flat without a word in the middle of the night in a panic. No, a girl it would have to be. 

“I saw Andy this morning,” Diane says as she appears before him and he can already hear the disapproval in her voice. “Looked rushed off his feet.”

“Same again please, Diane,” he grumbles, pushing his empty glass across the bar. 

“You made a commitment when you came back here, Robert. Perhaps you should be up at the farm,” she pushes. 

“I've given myself the day off,” he snaps. It's not like he's not been working. He has been, harder than he probably ever has in his life. He’s just bored out of his skull and sorer than he’d like to admit most days. 

“Robert,” Diane starts again and there’s a warning in her tone. “I made a promise to Jack to-”

He doesn’t want to hear it. “Same again please Diane,” he cuts her off, waving the glass in her face. She doesn’t look impressed.

“Look at you, sitting here all alone, drowning your sorrows,” he hears behind him and he groans at the sound of Katie’s voice. How could he have ever been in love with that? And yet, what he wouldn’t give to go back to that brief period of time when she had chosen him. At least someone had, even if it was only temporary. 

“You really don’t have any mates, do you Robert,” Katie continues as she slides in beside him at the bar. “Haven’t suckered any girls into your bed to take pity on you.” 

“Oh and who are you throwing yourself at this week, Katie!” he snarls at her. “Is it Lee or is it Nathan Wylde. Dreaming of worming your way into the big house on the hill are we?”

Katie opens her mouth to respond but Diane cuts her off, “That’s enough you two. To your corners.” 

“Fine, fine,” Katie concedes, too easily, before she turns back to him. “I’ll leave you to your pathetic wallowing. Happy Birthday, Rob. Hope you have a lovely day.” Katie smiles a sickly sweet, mocking smile at him and then heads off. 

“Oh pet,” Diane says, realizing finally. “I’m so-”

“Same again please, Diane,” he says one more time and finally, she takes his glass to refill it. 

Leaving his empty crisp bag on the bar, Aaron slides off his stool to head out of the pub and back to washing cars at the garage until Vic gets off from school. She decided to actually go today in the interest of keeping her brothers off her back. Still, he can feel that he’s wearing her down and he feels confident she’ll be up for another go sometime soon. Rounding the bar, he nearly runs straight into Robert who’s clutching tightly onto the pint he finally procured from Diane. They’re caught in one of those embarrassing you go this way and I’ll go that way, no you go that way and I’ll go this way kind of moments. Aaron can’t help the short burst of laughter that escapes him at Robert’s frustrated expression. He bites hard at his lip to stop it going too far, after all, he feels sorry for the guy, no one really remembered his birthday this year either. He knows what it’s like. 

“Move,” Robert growls at him as he grits his teeth and pushes past Aaron, their shoulders bumping during their clumsy exchange. Finding himself an empty table in the corner, he sits down, licking a few drops of beer off his hand where it spilled. He can’t seem to help himself but look up and catch Aaron leaving the pub, probably heading back to the garage if the pair of blue overalls tied around his waist are any indication. Underneath the chavvy exterior and his pants ridiculously shoved into his socks, he’s not a bad looking lad. His sister could do worse. He takes a large sip of his pint and does his best to ignore Diane’s apologetic look from across the bar.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Vic and Daz comes out

April 2009

Aaron makes his way up to Butler's, hands clenched so tightly into fists that his nails are leaving little crescent shaped marks in his palm. It keeps him motivated. She said she wasn't using him, Victoria, but he didn't believe her. She knew exactly what she was doing inviting him over to Jake’s at lunch time, whispering to him to bring something. The idiot that he is, he had fallen for every bit of it. Once he had gotten back in Vic's good books, he had been on a bit of a mission and finally he had succeeded. Only, now it was tainted, not that it was perfect or anything to begin with. It was alright, sex. It felt good but hardly as good as his mates from college always made it out to be. There was something missing and he hated himself for that. It was easier to focus on hating Daz, and Vic for what they'd done. 

When Daz had come barging into the room, he had never thought it would lead to the revelation that Vic and Daz had slept together. Anger and hatred had surged through every fiber of his body when he first figured it out, erupting from him in two hands slamming into Daz’s chest. 

“You're sick!” He had shouted at him, glancing at Victoria sympathetically. “You want locking up,” he had added. Every memory he had tried to suppress was flooding back into his mind. Blinking them back like the tears that were threatening, he had tried to shove them back down to where they belonged, locked away and forgotten about. He had focused on Daz instead; he wanted to kill him for this. Maybe he didn't fancy Vic the way he wanted to, needed to, but she was still his friend. The thought that anyone could have done that to her, especially her own brother, it had made him ill. 

“It wasn't like that!” Vic had pleaded and Aaron thought he heard the same desperation in her voice that he'd had in his own. Desperate for it not to be true. 

“What so you're defending him?” Aaron had shouted at her. There might have been no helping him at this point, but he could help Victoria. 

Then she had to go and say, “No, he didn't make me!”

Aaron had been done. He'd called her a psycho and gotten the hell out of there. Now he was out for revenge. They were not going to make a mug out of him, make him feel those things again, and get away with it. 

He finds Andy and Robert herding some sheep around and leans on the fence, watching them for a moment before they notice his presence, taking the time to get his emotions in check. He wants to play this right. The sight of Robert makes him relax a bit, as he can’t help himself but smirk to himself at the guy’s utterly bored expression as he traipses after his brother and the sheep. Aaron would be bored as well if he was stuck doing farm work all day, every day. He much prefers the garage. It's Robert that sees him first since he's clearly not paying any actual attention to the sheep and he nudges Andy's arm. 

“She’s not here,” Andy says as he turns and sees him standing there. 

“It’s not her I’m looking for,” Aaron replies, trying to keep a casual air about himself. After all, it’s not him who’s done something wrong here. 

“She’s upset,” Andy continues as he stalks over to the fence.

Robert is hot on his heels. He might not care about the sheep, but it’s clear he cares about his sister. “Yeah, what did you do to her?” 

“You both really are clueless aren’t you,” Aaron sighs, realizing he’s really going to have to spell this out for them.

“I know she’s better off without you!” Andy bulldozes over Robert’s attempt to play the more concerned brother. When Vic said it was always a competition between those two, she wasn’t lying. 

“If you don’t get off our property right now,” Robert cuts in, trying harder. 

Aaron just laughs to himself. “Maybe you ought to think about doing the same to Daz.”

“You what?” Andy questions and the brothers exchange looks.

“If there’s anyone you want to keep apart, it’s that pair of freaks,” Aaron tells him. 

“That’s good,” Andy says, annoyed, “coming from a Dingle.”

Andy doesn’t get it but he can see the exact moment when Robert realizes what’s been going on, that flicker of recognition in his green eyes. He doesn’t expect the smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth or the little breathy laugh that escapes past his lips. He stifles it quickly but it seems Andy really is too thick to notice. Aaron can’t resist, gesturing toward him, “See, he gets it.” 

It gives him a kick to watch Robert simultaneously pale as Andy turns around, demanding to know what the hell is going on, and puff his chest out a bit, filling out the overalls he’s wearing with pride that someone has given him some credit over his brother. Aaron can’t claim to know what it’s like to have this kind of sibling rivalry, Liv was just a little kid when he left, but gets the need to be taken seriously. 

“You better both start talking straight!” Andy shouts at them. 

Robert backs up as Andy comes at him, vaguely amused by the whole thing. He can’t say he ever expected this, but it makes sense, all those jealous glares across the table. It gives him a small measure of satisfaction too that it’s one of Andy’s lot that’s done wrong here, especially since he’s been giving him grief all day for skiving off on his birthday, which he still hasn’t remembered. 

“Dunno,” he says as he holds his hands up. “Maybe we should talk to Daz about this.” 

“Talk about what? What’s he done?” Andy fumes. 

“Nothing really,” Aaron takes over, shrugging his hoodie clad shoulders, “apart from sleeping with Victoria.” 

Robert’s eyes widen a bit, he didn’t realize it had actually gotten that far. Andy’s mouth drops open in disbelief and he feels almost bad for him...almost. “You knew about this?” Andy asks, “And you didn’t say anything?” 

“I didn’t know anything!” Robert argues, “Not for sure anyway, and nothing quite this far! It just makes sense with what-”

His words are swallowed up by the sound of tires on gravel as Daz and Victoria pull up in his car. Doors open and they both rush out, but when they see the three of them standing there, it’s like they already know what happened. 

“Tell me it’s a lie!” Andy yells at no one in particular before turning to Vic and almost begging her, “tell me it’s a lie.” 

Robert can see the fear and apology in his sister’s eyes and he knows for sure now. He feels awful for her because if anyone knows what it’s like to be the disappointment in this family, it’s him. Both Daz and Vic are trying desperately to make excuses but Andy’s not having any of it as he stalks off into the barn, the two of them racing after. Robert has little choice but to follow, sparing one last glance at the smug smile on Aaron’s face. He wonders why he felt the need do this, though given that kind of information, he’d probably have done the same thing. 

It’s all a mess in the end. Victoria has locked herself in her room crying, Andy sends Daz away and all Robert can do is stand there as Daz drives away, unable to see anything but his own car driving away from the accident at Wilson’s Field. He can’t say he ever much liked Daz and other than the extra pair of hands on the farm, he can’t say he’ll even miss him all that much, but he knows what it’s like to be sent away from home. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy loses custody of Sarah and Robert blames Aaron and the Dingles for it.

June 2009 

Robert is exhausted, he’s sore, and he feels miserable just by sheer proximity to Andy and Victoria. Leaning against the side of the house, he shrugs his overalls off before he heads inside, groaning with every movement. There’s a sharp pain in his back that won’t seem to go away and he feels like he’s far too young to feel this broken. Hazards of basically running the farm by himself the past few days, he guesses. He can feel Sarah’s absence the moment he walks in the door, it’s like both a physical presence and a massive gaping hole at the same time. There’s no pattering of little feet running circles around him with a grin on her face but Andy’s grief fills the space instead. He probably didn’t care about his niece as much as he should have when she was here but at the first sound of a cupboard slamming shut when he steps into the kitchen, he realizes he could kill the Dingles for this. If he listens hard enough, he could probably hear Victoria crying upstairs as well, blaming herself for her part in this. Aaron was the one to blame though, getting her to skive off school more to bring the truant officer around and make Andy look like he couldn’t take of her or Sarah. He even got her arrested for shoplifting, which had been one of the last nails in the coffin. It was rather a brilliant plan, he had to give the Dingles credit for that, but it was destroying his family and he couldn’t have that. 

He finds Andy slumped over the kitchen table, looking disinterestedly at a piece of half eaten toast. It was nearing midday and he was only on breakfast and not even doing a good job at that. Robert actually finds himself missing the early days of being back when Andy was forcing him out of bed at the crack of dawn. This Andy is disconcerting and he wants the old one back. 

“Make you a brew?” he asks as he cautiously enters the room. 

“Nah, you’re alright,” Andy waves him off, staring at the toast as if it has personally offended him. 

“Andy…” Robert starts, not quite sure what to say. 

“Just don’t, Rob,” he says, pushing back from the table and getting up, leaving the toast behind. 

“Andy I wasn’t-”

“Look!” Andy shouts at him, pointing a finger in his face as he turns toward him. “I don’t need you and your sarky remarks reminding me of how much of a failure I am as a father. I’ve said it all to myself anyway. I just…” 

He pauses, his face and body falling all at once, like that one burst of anger took everything he had left in him. Robert feels an overwhelming urge to wrap him up in a hug, but they don’t exactly do that, so he just stands there like an idiot, still holding the kettle in his hands. 

“I just want her back,” he says finally, his voice small and quiet and pleading. 

“I know,” Robert replies, he can see the want, the need coursing through his body, the only thing holding him together still. “You will, I promise.” 

Andy looks up at him, hanging on his words like they’re his last lifeline and Robert feels horrible because he doesn’t know how to keep that promise. He’s at just at much of a loss as the rest of them on what to do. Feeling the eyes of his dad on him from the picture hanging on the wall again, he wonders what Jack would do in this situation. How would he make this right?

“We’ll figure something out,” is all he can manage to say. 

Robert left Andy in the house, slumped on the sofa, feeling sorry for himself, and headed off into the village for his lunch. He wasn’t exactly equipped to handle that much emotion and didn’t know how to help him. A strong coffee and a sandwich at the cafe are calling him instead. Halfway inside the door, he catches the sight of Aaron leaving Paddy’s, chasing after his dog who he’s not remembered to put on a leash again. He’s heard Edna complaining about that already and hopes she gives him hell for that. In fact, he thinks, stepping back out of the doorway, perhaps he will give him a piece of his mind now. 

Aaron lets Clyde loose on the cricket pitch, watching him race around happily without a care in the world, thrilled to just be out of the house. Paddy was right, he did need to take him out more. He leans against the railing of the pavilion, wishing he could be as carefree as Clyde, instead he just feels guilty. It had been Cain’s idea to use Victoria to get Debbie custody of Sarah and given everything that had happened with her and Daz, he hadn’t felt bad about doing it at the time. Plus, he felt some sense of pride that he was able to actually be useful in helping out his family for once. Everyone was so pleased that Debbie had gotten Sarah back again. Then he had seen Victoria in the village and she had just looked so hurt, so angry at him and he felt that seed of guilt growing in the pit of his stomach. 

He hardly sees Robert rounding the corner of the pavilion before his hands are fisted in the fabric of his black hoodie, slamming him up against the side of the structure, anger burning in his green eyes. “Whoa there mate,” he says, trying to laugh off the situation. 

“Oh we’re mates now, huh?” Robert sneers at him. “Cause it didn’t feel like that when you were messing around our Victoria and stealing our Sarah away from Andy.” 

“Our Sarah,” Aaron corrects him, keeping the smile on his face just because he knows it’s pissing Robert off. Clyde’s noticed the confrontation and he’s padded over, growling at Robert. 

“You think you’re so clever don’t you,” Robert practically spits at him. 

“Yeah, I do actually,” Aaron retorts. He can feel the rage flowing through him as Robert drives him further against the wall, their whole bodies pressed together. Aaron can feel his stomach do a little flip and he doesn’t know why. 

“Andy’s a mess because of you,” Robert shouts in his face and he can feel his hot breath on his skin. “Victoria too.” He pauses for a moment like he’s trying to pick out the perfect words and then adds. “Half your family think you’re a waste of space most of the time, you know that? Why are you doing them any favors?”

Forcing his hands into the tight space between them, Aaron wraps his fingers around the lapels of Robert’s leather jacket and thrusts him back, sending him stumbling. That was too far. He had done right by his family and they were grateful to him, weren’t they? He knew how to hurt Robert too though and he didn’t hesitate. “Your family hate you most of the time too, why are you here defending Andy when he’d rather see the back of you nine times out of ten?”

Robert feels like Aaron just punched him in the gut, staggering a little trying to regain his balance. It’s not like he’s wrong. Even though it was Andy who practically begged him to come back after Jack’s funeral, he could still only tolerate him most days. Why was he here defending him, but he knew why. “Family loyalty, eh?” he says. 

He can see Aaron’s hackles still raised, his dog coming between them, baring his teeth. After a moment though, he can see him soften, his harsh angles fading away as he runs his fingers through scruff on the big german shepherd’ s neck to calm him. “Yeah, suppose so,” he says begrudgingly, like it pains him to agree with him, but Robert can see a hint of a smile there, tugging at the corner of his mouth even though he doesn’t want to give into the expression. They understand each other somewhere deep down and he can’t help the little smile that spreads across his face either.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde goes missing and Robert helps Aaron out in return for a favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So unfortunately, I've reached the end of my prewritten chapters, so I don't know that I'll be able to post every day anymore. But I'm still plugging away at it so don't worry too much. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos thus far. Always appreciated!

June 2009

Aaron pushes his way out of the cottage through his mum and Debs, his head down and his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. Fiddling with a loose thread inside the right pocket, he hears Paddy telling his mum that he’s rung around everywhere but no one has seen Clyde anywhere. He pulls at the thread a little harder, unraveling the seam. If he’d just been able to keep a better eye on him, then this never would have happened. 

Turning on his heel, he faces Debbie. “This is your fault,” he shouts at her. “If you’d have let me keep him at work.” 

“Oi!” she hits back. “I’ve just agreed with Chas not to dock your wages for bunking off!” 

Why does it never feel like anyone is on his side, he thinks. Maybe Robert had been right the other day about his family. Debbie should be a bit more grateful, getting Sarah back and all. “Do what you want,” he sneers at her. 

“Oh and by the way,” she adds, “you’ll be on your own today. I’ll be organizing Sarah’s birthday do.” 

Which she wouldn’t be having if it weren’t for him, he wants to say. Instead he goes with, “Well I’m not going into work today. I’m looking for me dog.” 

“Have you suddenly forgot who’s boss?” Debbie asks him. 

He shakes his head at her and heads off to looks for Clyde. He’s not likely to forget since she insists on reminding him every five minutes. His mum makes some excuse for him as he walks toward the street but he doesn’t care what they think. He just needs to find Clyde. Sometimes it feels like that dog is all he has. At least Clyde depends on him and doesn’t judge him the way everyone else does. He’s just friendly and loyal. If he doesn’t find him, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. 

“Oi! Aaron!” he hears as he’s halfway down Main Street. “Wait up!” 

Turning towards the sound, he sees Robert Sugden jogging after him, coffee in hand. With a shake of his head, he keeps on walking. He doesn’t have time to deal with the likes of him right now, not after the other day. “Can’t,” he says as Robert catches up to him. “I’m looking for my dog. So if you see him…” He can’t cope with a long drawn out conversation. Clyde comes first and he leaves Robert standing there awkwardly in the middle of the street behind him. 

Robert watches Aaron go, sipping on his too hot Americano. He’s hiding out in the village again as Andy’s decided he’s up for doing farm work again but he’s no picnic to work with. It seems everything he does today is wrong and he’s sick of hearing about it. When he saw Aaron, he’d hoped he could have a word with him about putting in a good word for Andy with Debbie, but it seemed a dog took precedence over both him and his niece. No surprise really, the only time he’d seen a real smile on Aaron’s face was when he was with that dog. Otherwise, it was all scowls and mocking grins. He likes the smile though, it suited him. Robert laughs off the thought to himself. What did he care about whether or not Aaron smiled? 

“Excuse me!” a sharp voice grates in his ear. He turns to find an angry Viv Hope standing there in the street, waving her hands at him like he’s supposed to glean her meaning just from gestures alone. 

“Yes?” he asks, taking another sip of his Americano. It’s cooled a bit. 

“You’re about 40 p short for that coffee, Robert Sugden! Don’t you go thinking you can rip me off!” She chastises him, pressing further into his personal space. 

He thinks back a few minutes to when he was paying her and realizes he’d been in the middle of taking out more change when he’d seen Aaron stalking by and had run out to talk to him. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he says. He’s not really, but he’s got to keep the woman with the coffee on his good side. Digging his hand into his pocket, he pulls out the extra coins and pushes them into her outstretched palm. 

“I’ve got my eye on you,” she says as she retreats and he can’t help an eyeroll though he tries to hide it. 

Once she’s safely back inside, he decides he’s been skiving long enough and heads to the Land Rover, shoving his coffee in the cup holder in the center console before he drives back up to the farm. He’s not thrilled with the prospect of dealing with Andy again but there’s plenty of work so perhaps he can find a task that allows him to avoid him the rest of the day. There’s that stone wall that runs along the south field that some kids or some drunk more like, maybe even the infamous Shadrach, knocked over. He could fix that. It would keep him well out of Andy’s way. 

Parking the car, he jumps down from the seat, and downs the rest of his coffee in one, tossing the paper cup back in the car to deal with later. He feels vaguely energized enough now to continue on. It’s times like these that he really does miss Daz not being around to help out. Heading to one of the sheds to get supplies for the wall, he hears a soft whimpering through the door and quickly wrenches it open. Revealed inside, Clyde looks up at him with big eyes and lets out another whimper. Robert can see blood on his flank and that he’s breathing heavily. 

“Decided to come back finally, have you?” Andy snaps at him as he rounds the shed door. 

“That’s Aaron’s dog!” He points out, trying to ignore Andy’s dig at him. Leave it to him to be upset with him for taking a break for an hour when he’s been moping around the house being useless for days now. 

“Yeah, so,” Andy says, not bothered in the slightest. 

“So? How long’s he been locked up in here?” Robert shouts at him, trying to get him to wake up and care about something. He’s not sure why he’s so concerned about the damn dog, but he can’t help it. 

“I don’t know,” Andy mutters. “He killed some of the chickens, didn’t he?” 

“Well he’s obviously hurt! We need to get him to the vet’s,” his voice is still raised. 

“Do what you like, Rob,” Andy tells him, “But if I find him on our property again, I’ll shoot him.” 

Robert stares at him, wide eyed, not believing that Andy’s turned into someone quite so heartless. He needs Sarah back in his life and maybe, Robert thinks as he looks down at the dog, Clyde is the way to do it. As Andy stomps off, he kneels down beside the german shepherd, tentatively reaching out a hand. Clyde looks up at him and there must be a flicker of recognition from the other day with Aaron because he bares his teeth at him again and lets out a low, warning growl. 

“It’s alright, Clyde,” he tries, hoping to settle him. “I’m gonna get you back to Aaron, yeah?” Again he puts his hand out and manages to settle into his thick coat, stroking behind his ears. “That’s it, boy,” he says quietly. “Now, I’m gonna have to lift you up, so...don’t bite my arm off or anything, will ya?” 

Gently, he wraps his arms around the dog’s body and heaves him up, his back straining from the weight. Clyde has stopped snarling, instead, just looking at him skeptically as he wobbles his way to the car. “You’re heavier than you look, you know,” he grumbles as he realizes he somehow needs to get the back door of the Land Rover open and he has no hands. “We’ll just keep this disaster between you and me yeah?” 

Shifting his knee up to support the dog, he pitifully reaches out to the door handle and fiddles with it enough until it opens and then ungracefully shoves Clyde onto the back seat. “There,” he says and Clyde lets out a whine. “Probably just did more harm than good, didn’t I? Well, let’s get you to Aaron and Paddy then.”

Aaron sees the Sugden’s Land Rover drive up to Smithy Cottage and he groans, not wanting to deal with any of that lot right now. He just wants to find his dog, though he didn’t even know where to look anymore. Another once over of the village had yielded nothing and he was starting to lose hope. When had anything good ever happened for him anyway? He didn’t deserve a dog like Clyde and the universe was finally just course correcting. The door opens and he sees Robert climb out, spotting him and waving him over. What did he want now? He thought he’d fobbed him off well enough earlier. 

“What d’you want?” he asks as he drags his feet on the way over. 

“Brought you a peace offering, as it happens,” Robert tells him. He’s got a smug smile on his face and Aaron wants to wipe it off with his fist, except he’d never hear the end of it from Paddy and his mum if he did. 

“Yeah well you can stuff your peace offering, Sugden,” he sneers at him. 

“Think you’ll like this one,” Robert says as he opens the back door. 

Aaron sees tufts of black and brown fur and hears Clyde’s bark and breaks out into a run the rest of the way. “Clyde!” he shouts with relief. 

“Got stuck in one of our barns,” Robert explains as he runs his fingers through Clyde’s fur. The fact that Clyde lets him do it, tells Aaron that maybe he can trust Robert a bit more than he thought. 

Then he sees the blood. “What did you do to him?” he shouts in anger now, fear. He can’t lose him, not now he just got him back. 

“Not sure it’s even his blood, mate. He got into the chickens up at ours. Think he’s just a bit shaken up and probably hungry. Still, Paddy should probably take a look at him.” 

“You alright, mate,” Aaron says, leaning over the dog, checking him over.

Robert watches as Aaron scoops him up, no problem, and carries him off toward the surgery. Racing ahead, he holds the door open for him to make things easier and then follows him inside, noticing the care with which Aaron lays him out on the table. It’s abundantly clear to him again just how much the dog means to him and Robert feels strangely good about the gesture, even if he does have a few ulterior motives. 

“You didn’t have to come in,” Aaron says when he finally looks up at him. 

“Just wanted to make sure everything was going to be okay,” Robert says and he realizes he means it. 

“Yeah, well, thanks...for bringing him back, I mean,” Aaron replies, looking uncomfortable. 

“I can think of a way you can repay me,” Robert tells him. 

“Oh yeah, and what’s that, Sugden?” 

“Put in a good word with Debbie about our Andy,” Robert says and then adds, “He really misses Sarah and frankly, he’s doin’ my head in over it all.” 

He watches Aaron consider it, biting at his lip to suppress a tiny smirk. “Yeah, fine. I’ll talk to her about it. She’s putting together a do for Sarah’s birthday tomorrow. Maybe I can score you all an invite.” 

“That’d be brilliant,” Robert says eagerly. “Perhaps I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, perhaps you will,” Aaron says, eying him curiously, but there’s a grin on his face and Robert agrees with his earlier assessment that smiling suits him. 

Leaning down, Robert gives Clyde a scratch behind the ears and then gives Aaron a quick wave and a wink for some insane reason, heading out of the surgery before he does anything else stupid. Aaron calls after him with an awkward, “Bye,” and he’s back in the car and driving back to the farm, focusing on the fact that he’d just done something good for his family. He hopes his dad would be happy that he was making an effort on Andy’s behalf, that maybe he’d even be proud of him.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert thanks Aaron for helping with Andy and Sarah. Paddy's 40th birthday does not go as planned. Robert helps Aaron do something nice for Paddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter took longer than I wanted, but it's also like five times as long as my other chapters...so enjoy! Also, there's a lot more robron interaction in this one.

July 2009

Sprawled out on the kitchen table before him are the books for the farm. Robert leafs his way through the contract with Home Farm and visibly cringes at the terms, Nathan Wylde’s doing no doubt. He’s been looking through the books all morning, despairing at what little profit they’re actually making on this place. It’s a wonder how they’re even still afloat at this point. Sure Andy is in better spirits now that Debbie is letting him start seeing Sarah again. He makes a mental note that he still needs to find a way to thank Aaron for setting that ball rolling. That invite to Sarah’s birthday do worked wonders. Of course Andy’s better mood means that he’s back to properly pulling his weight around the farm, cursing everything Robert’s done wrong instead of thanking him for keeping things going while he was suffering through the loss of his daughter. 

If Andy’s not going to be grateful to him, he might as well hide in here and put his mind to some use instead. He feels like he’s fourteen again when Jack pulled him and Andy out of school to work on the farm when it was failing. It feels to him like Andy pulled him out of the life he wanted in London to come back here. He’s bored with farm work, but at least looking at the numbers makes sense to him. He feels like he’s actually using some of what he learned since he left home and numbers don’t lie. If this contract is all they have, then they’ll always be struggling and he doesn’t want that for his family or for himself if he’s going to be stuck here. If Nathan thinks he can treat them like this, then he will just have to figure something else out and if he gets to screw him over in the process, all the better. He hates Nathan Wylde, swanning around the village like he owns the place, which he has to admit he sort of does, well his family anyway. Still, he just gets under his skin, grating on him. It doesn’t help that he’s been going after Katie or that she seems interested. It doesn’t help either that he showed up at the farm after Sarah was taken from Andy under the guise of seeing how he was doing. Robert found him more condescending than concerned, making sure his investment was still going to be profitable for him. 

The contract in his hand starts to crinkle under the pressure from his hand and he realizes he’s gripping it too tightly, setting it back down on the table. They would be better off with a supermarket contract for their beef and he doesn’t know why Andy is limiting them to just selling in the Wylde’s pitiful farm shop. He hears his brother just outside the door and gathers up the contract and the books into his arms, slipping out past Andy before he can say a word. He needs to think and he can’t do it here, not with Andy’s disapproving glare hovering over him. 

Taking his own car into the village, he drives past the garage and sees Aaron working today, his overalls tied around his waist again, revealing a grey hoodie over a pale yellow t-shirt. He has a yellow cap on to match, which causes Robert to nearly lose control of the car when he snorts with laughter. Dreaming about supermarket contracts will have to wait a minute. He parks the car and heads into the cafe with a stupid grin on his face. 

\---

Aaron watches Debbie go off to the pub for her lunch. “I’ll let you buy me a pint if you ask really nicely!” he calls after her. 

She turns around briefly and shakes her head at him, “Shame I’m not gonna. You’ve had your break!” 

Fine, he’s had a break, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t up for another one. He’s had enough of people lately. His mum’s been at him for not buying Paddy a proper birthday present, Paddy is annoyed with him because he found the present his mum got for him to give to Paddy before it was wrapped, Brenda accused him of stealing from the cafe even though he left money on the counter, Ashley and apparently even God are angry with him over a stupid football. Alright, so he didn’t quite leave enough money on the counter for Brenda and he did maybe steal the football for a bit and maybe he spent his mum’s money on a cap for himself instead of a present for Paddy. It’s not like he would have been able to get a good present for Paddy anyway. He was rubbish at giving gifts. 

He sees Debbie disappear into the pub now and turns to get back to work. At least they’re actually letting him near the cars now with something other than a scrub brush these days. His head is under a bonnet when he hears footsteps shuffling toward the garage. It’s too early for Debbie to be back yet so he glances up, expecting a customer he’d rather not deal with just now. Instead, he’s surprised to find Robert Sugden walking toward him, a coffee in each hand, blowing a few strands of his blond hair out of his eyes that Aaron can’t quite work out whether they’re blue or green, not that he’s been looking. 

“Y’alright?” Aaron says, confused by his sudden appearance. 

“Hiya!” Robert says, a smirk on his face as he stands there awkwardly, looking unsure of whether he should lean on the car when talking to him or not. Aaron’s used to seeing him look confident so to see him a little flustered throws him off a bit, but he finds it oddly endearing. He seems to settle for leaning on the car with one arm and his smirk grows a bit wider as his eyes drift upwards. “Nice cap!” he finally says. 

Aaron’s hands are up near the cap before he can even process what he’s doing, unconsciously adjusting it. He stands up a bit straighter too. “Thanks,” he says, unsure of himself. He hates that he finds himself unnerved in Robert’s presence sometimes, especially since that day at the surgery when he brought Clyde back to him. 

A short burst of laughter erupts from Robert and Aaron drops his hands to his sides, realizing that he’s actually mocking him for the cap. It stings a little and he’s about to reach up and pull it off, maybe throw it in his face but Robert grabs at his wrist to stop him. It’s like that night back in April and Aaron’s just stuck there staring at his fingers caught up in the fabric of his hoodie, mesmerized for a quick moment before he comes back to himself and wrenches his arm away. 

“Sorry,” Robert apologizes quickly, “Look, that’s not why I came over.” 

“Yeah, and why’s that?” Aaron asks, squaring his shoulders and bracing himself as if for a fight. 

“I just wanted to bring you this,” Robert says, picking up the coffee cup he had set on the roof of the car when he grabbed his arm, “To say thanks, you know, for helping Andy with Sarah.” 

Staring at the paper cup in his hand, Aaron feels his stomach flutter annoyingly, but pushes the feeling away quickly. “You already said thanks,” he points out. “At the party.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but, look, I’d like us to get on,” Robert stumbles over his words and this time it’s Aaron’s turn to laugh. He ignores the reaction though and holds out the cup further, “So...mates?” 

Aaron just continues to stare at the cup, not quite knowing what to make of the gesture. Robert Sugden wants to be mates with the likes of him. Part of him wants to tell him no, knock the coffee out of his hand and wipe that usual smug smirk off his face with his fist. Another part of him is looking at Robert’s lopsided grin, watching him awkwardly set the coffee cup down on top of the car again, pushing it toward him, and he wants to say yes, absolutely. 

“I’ll think about it,” he says instead, sticking with a neutral response until he makes up his mind. 

“Right,” Robert replies, “I’ll see you around then.” 

\---

It's the next day in the pub that Aaron sees Robert and he has to bite down on his lip to suppress the smile that comes unbidden. His mood quickly sours anyway when his mum comes up to him demanding to know where Paddy’s birthday banner is and she promptly shoves him back out the door to go and retrieve it. At least he can smile about the banner too, he thinks and hears his mum’s voice in his head from this morning. “That’s P-A-D-D-Y!” she told him as she dictated what she wanted on the requested banner. 

He ducks through the door of Smithy Cottage and sees Paddy sitting at the kitchen table, stewing over a piece of paper in front of him. Nosy, Aaron tries to lean over his shoulder to get a better look, but Paddy looks up at him and his arm covers it up. 

“I thought you were having a drink with Marlon?” He says, knowing that was the cover story to get him to the pub for the do his mum had planned. 

“Yeah, I'm going in a minute,” Paddy says and then adds a curious, “why?”

“No reason,” Aaron tells him and the disappears upstairs to get the banner. 

He's on his way back down, banner bunched in his hands when he hears Paddy and Marlon talking downstairs. Pausing with the door half open, he sticks his ear out to listen in better. 

“When the time’s right, everything will just come to me,” he hears Paddy say, sounding like he's trying desperately to convince himself, “and the words will just fit into place, but not now.”

Aaron hears some shuffling footsteps and the squeak of the garbage bin being opened. “Final answer,” Marlon asks like they're on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire or summat. 

“Final answer,” Paddy replies, sounding sad. 

“Come on,” Marlon says, trying to cheer up his friend and Aaron thinks that's his cue to continue down the stairs but then he hears Marlon add, “Are you sure you're not just bricking it because you don't want Aaron as a step son?”

Aaron freezes where he is on the top step, banner wet under sweating palms as he waits for Paddy’s answer. 

“Who would?” Paddy says the words like they're a joke, like he's a joke. 

Aaron nearly rips the birthday banner to shreds as he hears the front door click shut because how dare he? Then he remembers what the banner says and thinks better of it. Maybe he can get back at him for this. It's not like he even wants Paddy as a step dad, he tells himself. Bumbling, ridiculous Paddy. Why would he want that? Slipping downstairs, he opens the bin and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, carefully opening it up. What he finds is a poorly written love poem to his mum, asking her to marry him. Yes, this will do him just fine. 

He's convinced himself he's feeling good by the time he gets back to the pub and his mum is too busy to even take a look at the banner which is perfect. The poem is burning a hole in his pocket as he heads to prop up the bar until the party starts. Looking around, he notices Robert is still there, in a booth by himself in the corner. He follows his line of sight and sees that he's staring at Katie and Nathan Wylde with anger in his eyes. They just look dark right now, nothing to help him with his decision on their real color. Thinking he'd rather see that lopsided grin from yesterday on his face instead of the straight, hard line his lips have formed right now, he gets an idea. 

“Pint please, Diane,” he says when she comes over to him finally, trying to be vaguely polite. 

“Nice try,” she quips back, looking firm. 

Well he can try anyway. “It's not for me,” he tells her. “It's for...Paddy, for his birthday. Wanna have it waiting for him, you know, show I care and all that.”

“Do you think I was born yesterday?” Diane laughs. “How about an orange juice?”

“Nah, two lemonades,” he grumbles. He can't wait until he's eighteen. 

\---

Robert looks up as a drink is placed on the table in front of him, tearing his eyes away from Nathan and Katie. Nathan's getting up to leave anyway. He's put a few feelers out about this supermarket contract. Andy found out and already called him crazy for trying, said his contract with Home Farm was just fine. Of course he'd be stubbornly small minded about it. 

The drink is a lemonade and he's strangely pleased to find it's Aaron looking back down at him. He awkwardly gestures to the seat across from him and Robert nods in permission for him to sit, as he sets his own drink in front of him, also a lemonade. 

“It's all I could get,” he sighs and Robert remembers that frustration. 

“Does this mean we're friends now?” He asks, pitifully hopeful. It's been a long time since he's had a proper mate. 

“Suppose,” Aaron says with reluctance. Robert can tell he's down about something but he doesn't exactly know him well enough to have any idea what. 

Any further attempts to find out though are spoiled by Chas screeching in the middle of the pub, shooing everyone either out the door or into the back to get ready for Paddy’s arrival. “So, should I stay or go?” Robert asks. It’s not like he cares about the vet’s birthday and from Aaron’s distracted look, it doesn’t seem like he does much either. 

Aaron shrugs at him at first and then nods toward the back room so Robert gets up and follows him along with the rest. There’s a sheet clutched tightly in his hands and he can see paint still dripping a bit from the letters painted on it. He laughs to himself at the thought of Aaron waiting until the last minute possible to get the banner done. They don’t have to wait long in the back before they hear Paddy come into the bar with Marlon and they’re all pouring back out into the pub to the tune of Chas squealing out “surprise!” with two pints in her hands. 

Shoving his way through the crowd, Aaron leaves his side and Robert can see the moment he plasters a grin on his face that hardly seems real. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he says as he walks around the bar, starting to unfurl his banner. 

“Well better late than never,” Chas chastises him. 

“Oi! It’s one of my best sheets!” Paddy exclaims, but there’s no heat to it as he laughs it off. 

Robert rounds the bar to get a better look at the banner as Aaron pulls his arms wide, the sheet spreading between them. Pursing his lips together, he tries desperately and miserably fails to suppress a laugh when he sees what the banner says: Happy 50th Pady!. It’s definitely something he would have done. 

“It’s Pady!” Jamie Hope shouts with a chuckle.

Paddy looks less than amused, his good nature about the use of the sheet fading away. “Fifty!” he says, his voice going up an octave. 

Bob makes a joke about moisturizing and Sam Dingle guesses that he was only turning forty-five instead of the forty he is actually turning. Now Robert is laughing freely along with the rest of them as Chas makes an effort to play it off as Aaron just trying to make a joke. Then to the chant of “Pady! Pady! Pady!” the party gets into full swing. 

Robert slides in next to Aaron who is propping up the bar. He’s downed his lemonade from earlier and has started on a coke. Robert tries to engage him in conversation, but he just keeps looking around shiftily, pulling faces at Paddy whenever it looks like he’s truly enjoying himself. It’s easy to tell that something is clearly wrong, not that anyone else is paying any attention. He feels like maybe that’s part of the problem and it’s a problem he understands well. 

As the evening moves on, Chas calls everyone together for a speech. All eyes are on her but his are on Aaron, watching the way his expressions get more and more disgusted with every word. When she toasts at the end to “Patrick Cedrick Kirk!”, Aaron can’t seem to help himself but call out “Cedrick?”, the mocking clear in his tone. Again though, everyone seems to just brush over his interruption with another round of toasts. Robert feels like he’s watching himself in Aaron and he has an awful feeling that this party is not going to go well for him by the end of it. 

Paddy is up next for his thank you speech, fumbling his way through awkwardly set up jokes with even more awkward punchlines. The rest of the guests are used to it by now though and just applaud him anyway, raising their glasses. Aaron’s not clapping along though and as he pulls himself out from the bar, Robert knows whatever is coming is not going to be good. He should stop him really, but he stays frozen at his place at the bar. They’ve not been friends for more than five minutes. It’s hardly his place. 

“Whoa whoa whoa! Cedrick!” Aaron calls out over the crowd, waving a piece of paper in his hand. “You forgot your poem. Listen to this, you got to hear this, listen-”

“Give me that!” Paddy tries to cut in, reaching out for the paper. 

The pub is quiet now, waiting for the inevitable car crash that they are all about to witness. 

“I’ll read the end bit, listen,” he says, taking a breath before he starts to read. “Oh Chastity, sweet Chastity. You’ve really made my life-”

“Give it back,” Paddy says again, firmer this time. 

Aaron doesn’t seem to care though, snorting a laugh before he bulldozes on, “Oh Chastity, sweet Chastity, please…” and he pauses awkwardly before continuing, “say you’ll be my wife?” 

The question hangs in the air as Robert glances around the pub at all of the shocked faces, including Chas’s. It’s very apparent she had no idea Paddy was thinking about asking her. If the situation weren’t so tense and awkward, he would make a joke about how pathetic the vet is for asking someone like her to marry him in the first place. 

“Oh Chastity, sweet Chastity,” Aaron reads on, apparently not done yet. “Without you I am nothing.” He lets out a laugh and most of the pub is stunned but Robert can see a bit of the hurt behind Aaron’s eyes and he knows that this wasn’t all just a prank to him. 

Paddy doesn’t seem to care and lunges at him, shouting incoherent words. He wraps his fists in Aaron’s hoodie and pushes him back against the bar. Robert makes to grab Aaron to pull him away but he doesn’t need to as Marlon and the others drag Paddy off of him. 

“Get off!” Paddy yells, his face growing red with anger as he stares Aaron down. “You pathetic excuse for a human being! What have I ever done to you eh? Tell me that?” he shouts at him. Aaron looks genuinely taken aback, like he didn’t quite expect this result. “Apart from defend you when everyone else said you were nothing!” He pauses again and Robert can see that Aaron looks a little bit apologetic even if he can’t find the words to express that right now. Paddy’s not done yet though, continuing his tirade. “Well you’re not nothing! Because you’re a nasty, evil, self-centered waste of space!” 

“Paddy!” Chas gasps. 

“Flippin’ heck I was only messing,” Aaron shrugs, finally managing to get a word out. 

“You make me look like a complete fool in front of all me mates,” Paddy goes on, “But it’s alright, cause you’re only messing. You steal from me. You lie and you fight. But you’re only messing. Well, well done,” he gives him a half hearted round of applause. “Because it looks like you just ruined the only thing that ever meant anything to me.” 

Paddy storms out of the pub and everyone turns to look at Aaron who shrugs again, laughing it off as he says again, “I was, I was only messing.” Robert can see he knows he was wrong but is trying to save face. It’s an act he’s far too familiar with.

\---

Aaron sits on one of the picnic tables around the back of the pub, head in his hands. He wasn’t only messing; he wanted to hurt Paddy after what he said but it had gone further than he thought it would. Paddy’s words burn at his skin, make him feel worthless, like he really is that waste of space he said he was. It’s not like he hasn’t heard it all before, from his dad. He knows he’s not loveable but he thought he and Paddy were starting to get on. Paddy had helped him convince his mum to let him keep Clyde and that had meant so much to him. Now he’d gone and ruined all of it. 

“Thought you could use a drink?” Robert says, sitting on the table at the other end, sliding the drink across the space between them. “A real one.” 

Aaron picks up the pint and gulps half of it down in one go. “Cheers!”

“So that went well,” Robert fills the silence. 

“Yeah, flippin’ brilliant,” Aaron grumbles and downs the rest of the pint, feeling the buzz of drinking it so fast as he slips off the table heads off, barely even acknowledging Robert’s goodbye. He doesn’t have space in his head right now to deal with whatever that is. 

\---

Robert finds Aaron in the cafe the next afternoon, not that he was looking to check up on him or anything. He’s getting chewed out by Edna Birch of all people for what he did to Paddy. Robert’s about to save him from the bother when he sees Aaron stand up, towering over her tiny frame as he tries to look all tough, swaying back and forth with tense shoulders and a grimace on his face. 

“I’ll start giving people respect when I see some coming my way,” he says and stalks toward the door, pushing past Robert. 

“You get what you earn!” Edna calls after him. 

“I’m not the one interrupting people’s dinners!” Aaron gets in the last word as he leaves the cafe. 

Robert abandons his lunch plans and runs out after him, putting a hand on his shoulder when he catches up to him. “What was all that about?” he asks, even though he knows. 

Pulling his shoulder away from his touch violently, he rounds on him and Robert’s afraid he’s stepped to far and he’s about to feel Aaron’s fist in his face. “What the hell do you want?” he asks instead, but Robert can see his hands balled up in fists at his side and knows he needs to tread carefully. 

He takes a step back just to be sure before he says, “I just wanted to check you were alright. That’s what mates do, so I’m told.” 

“Oh is it?” Aaron replies sarcastically. 

“So...are you...alright?” 

“Fine,” he says shortly. 

“Well good…” 

“You got your car?” Aaron asks suddenly and Robert feels himself perk up. 

“Yeah?”

“Good. You’re driving me into Hotten.” 

Robert just laughs at his forwardness but pulls out his keys anyway. Supermarket contracts could wait another day, and so could work on the farm. He’d put in enough hours this morning to somewhat please Andy anyway. The car ride is mostly silent, only a few monosyllabic responses to any questions he asks. He parks when Aaron suddenly calls for him to stop outside an arcade, one he’d been to a fair few times when he lived in Emmerdale before. 

“Why here?” he asks, not expecting much out of Aaron at this point. 

“Just something I need to do,” he replies, getting out of the car. 

Inside, Aaron makes a beeline to one of those claw games in the back of the arcade and pulls out some change from his pocket. Robert leans against the wall beside the glass case of prizes and watches as he shoves the money into the machine and gets his fingers ready on the buttons as the claw comes alive. His tongue sticks out a bit as he concentrates, following the claw with his eyes as he tries to bring it down over his desired prize. Robert looks at it, trying to figure out what it is but he can’t quite tell. The claw comes down and tries to grasp the little plastic ball the item is in but his aim is just off and it slips off the top, coming up with nothing. 

“Shit!” Aaron curses, but shoves more coins into the machine to try again. 

An hour later and he’s had several almosts but still no luck. Robert’s grown bored and distracted but he’s startled back into the present situation when Aaron slams his fists down on the ledge of the machine where the buttons are, cursing even more than when he misses the stupid plastic ball. He looks visibly upset, his eyes red like he’s been fighting back tears and Robert feels awful for not paying him enough attention to see it before now. 

“What happened?” he asks. 

“Ran out of money,” Aaron answers, his voice a little shaky. 

Robert is a little taken aback by his state, having never quite experienced this side of Aaron before. He wants to help, though he’s not sure how. “What are you trying to get anyway?” he asks. 

“I’ve messed everything up, haven’t I?” he says, ignoring his question. “Paddy’s right, I am a waste of space. And he’s...do you know even after all that yesterday, he still forgave me. My mum’s still livid but he forgave me, mostly, not that I deserve it.”

“Aaron,” Robert says softly, “trust me when I say, I’ve been where you are right now. It’ll all blow over eventually. And if he forgave you, then he doesn’t really think you’re a waste of space.” 

“It’s a key ring,” Aaron says and for a second Robert is lost with the sudden change of topic. “I’m trying to win the key ring. It makes a ringing sound if you make noise. He’s always losing his keys and I thought…” 

Robert smiles at the thought that Aaron would rather waste his money trying to win it in some silly arcade game than just buy something similar in a store, but he has to admire his persistence. “I’ve got some change,” he says. “Why don’t you give it another go?” 

Taking out his wallet, he piles all of his change on the ledge and delights at Aaron’s shy smile as he picks up a coin to try again. They’re at the arcade for another two hours and Robert has had to go to the change machine twice, but eventually, miraculously, Aaron manages to wrap those infuriating metal prongs around that plastic ball and hold it long enough to get it to drop into the slot. The grin on his face when he pulls it out is infectious and Robert knows there’s a matching one on his face too. He holds his hand up for a high five and Aaron takes the bait, their hands slapping together briefly before falling awkwardly at their sides. 

“Thanks,” Aaron says as they climb back into the car, their pockets significantly lighter but that stupid key ring is in his hand so Robert doesn’t really care. “For…you know...”

“I know. No problem,” Robert fills in the empty space where he trailed off, unsure of what to say. “That’s what mates do right?” He says, picking up on their earlier thread of conversation. 

“Guess so,” Aaron replies, staring down at the key ring in his hand, closing his fingers around it. 

Well, it’s a start, Robert decides.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert try and stop Rodney's van from crashing into the shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I was a bit distracted by a certain wedding and a heartbreaking goodbye, but the next chapter is finally done. Another slightly longer one.

July 2009 

“Thanks,” Robert says as he picks up his pint in one hand and his cheeseburger from Marlon in the other. 

“You’re welcome, pet,” Diane says. “It’s good to see you taking initiative.”

“Thank you,” Robert agrees. He’s been telling her about his plans for a supermarket contract. He got one rejection already but he still has options. 

“Though Andy has been doing this a lot longer than you have,” she continues and Robert feels his stomach drop. Why does no one think he can do this? 

“Yeah, right, cheers,” he says bitterly, turning away from the bar. 

“I’m not saying you can’t make it happen, Robert,” Diane calls after him, but he’s already at the door. 

It’s a nice day and he wants to eat outside, away from everyone else. Vic had doubted him and all too and somehow Katie had gotten wind of his plans and had laughed in his face. Everyone was so close minded about things around here. “And no one believes in me at all,” he grumbles to himself as he takes a seat at one of the picnic tables. The sun is high in the sky, beating down on his shoulders so he shrugs out of his jacket and lays it across the bench next to him so he’s left only in his t-shirt. Looking down at his burger, his mouth starts to water. He’s starving, having worked a full morning on the farm already. Fortunately, he isn’t sore anymore, all the hard work finally paying off. He actually has muscles in his arms now that he didn’t have before. Of course, they were still only half the size of Andy’s. 

His teeth are sinking into the juicy meat of the burger, cheese sticking to the roof of his mouth when Chas and Paddy stroll up, taking a seat at the table beside him. Marlon comes out and takes their order, tossing a bit of banter back and forth with the vet before he heads back inside. Robert swallows down his food and sets his burger back on the plate. Chas is glaring over at him as she usually does so he gives her a quick nod and a smile graces his face when he sees Paddy’s keys lying on the table next to his elbow, attached to that hard fought for key ring. Clearly, Chas takes the expression the wrong way and scowls at him. It just makes Robert smile more as it reminds him of Aaron; it’s clear they are mother and son. 

“Why aren’t you at work?” Chas calls out, turning away from him.

Robert looks up and sees Aaron walking down the road toward the cafe, dressed in his work overalls with the collar up. He’s also got one of his caps on again, blue, to match his overalls. At least it’s better than that ridiculous yellow one he had on the other day.

“I am working!” Aaron snaps back at her, his scowl matching hers from a few moments ago. 

“Yeah, really looks like it,” Chas says.

“What, so I can’t even eat now?” Aaron scoffs.

It’s then that he finally looks over at Robert and gives him a little nod, which only makes Chas’s own scowl return. Watching Aaron continue down the road, all Robert wants to do is call out to him and ask him if he wants to have lunch with him or something, but well, they’re not really that kind of friends yet, are they? He doesn’t know why he wishes they were, but he can’t seem to help himself. As a distraction technique, he takes another big bite of his burger, focusing on filling his stomach instead of thinking about Aaron. 

\---

Wiping the crumbs from his sandwich off of his face with the back of his hand, Aaron walks out of the cafe to head back to the garage. Cain’s been a right mood with him today. He was only a little bit late this morning; it’s not like it’s the end of the world. Stepping out of the door, he sees Rodney walking up, dressed in one of his overly fancy suits, looking agitated. 

“Alright?” he asks, knowing he’s not. 

“No!” Rodney shouts at him as he pushes past him into the cafe.

Aaron just laughs as he continues on his way, craning his neck a bit to see if Robert is still sat there outside the pub. If his mum and Paddy weren’t there, he might think about going over there and talking to him, but his mum clearly hates the guy. He’d heard all about the ordeal with Katie and Andy since his mum wouldn’t shut up about it when he first came back after his dad’s funeral. Aaron didn’t really care about all that, it was in the past anyway. He couldn’t help himself but think back to that time he was in the village as kid, when he’d been dragged to Andy and Katie’s wedding. His gameboy had been of more interest to him then, losing himself in the focus on of his fingers on the buttons to distract his mind from thinking about things back at home, but he vaguely remembered Robert. He laughs now, thinking about the mullet he’d had at the time and wonders if Robert remembers him from then at all. 

As he drags his eyes away from Robert, he sees the van that Rodney had been driving rolling down the street on its own. With a quick glance back toward the cafe to see if Rodney noticed, he races toward the old fashioned van, jumping up onto the little ledge on the side of it as he reaches in through the open window to try and get to the brakes. He’s reaching in as far as his arms will go, his shoulder painfully pressed against the frame of the window but he can’t get to them. The van rolls past the pub as he tugs at the wheel to try and avoid the car parked outside. All of a sudden there’s someone running behind him. He manages a glance back and sees that it’s Robert. 

“Try and get the door open!” he shouts at him. 

“I can’t!” Aaron yells back.

“The handbrake!” Robert shouts again. 

“I can’t!” 

Robert’s behind him, jumping up onto the car with him. They see Nicola walking up ahead and Aaron makes another grab for the wheel, swerving the van out of the way to avoid hitting her. He hears her scream but he thinks she got out of the way in time and he hears Rodney call out for her. Robert’s body is wrapped around his, long arms trying to reach through the window with him to get to brake but it’s no use. The van is moving too fast, heading straight for the shop and they’re about to crash right along with it. Aaron braces himself for impact but suddenly feels Robert’s hands grab his arms and they’re falling backward onto the ground as the van smashes into the shop. Pain shoots through his elbow as they land, tangled up in each other. 

\---

Aaron is laying half on top of him, one of Robert’s arms still wrapped around his chest from when he pulled him away from the van. He can hear the shop crashing in on itself, but he only has eyes for Aaron in that moment as they detach themselves from each other with a groan or two. There’s blood soaking through the sleeve of Aaron’s overalls and he reaches for it to check it out but Aaron yanks it back from him as Paddy and Chas come running up to them. 

“What the hell’s going on?” Chas screeches.

Aaron looks towards him first, rubbing at his elbow, and then at Chas, “Don’t start!” he tells her and Robert can hear a bit of pleading in his voice, something like ‘don’t blame me for this too, this isn’t actually my fault.’ He understands the feeling well. 

He looks toward the destruction of the shop for a moment as Cain rushes over to help. A dazed looking Nicola is walking over with Rodney racing to her side to check on her. This is Rodney’s fault, he realizes. The van was his in the first place. He must have forgotten to put the handbrake on when he got out. Robert remembers seeing him on his phone when he got out of the van, following Aaron’s earlier path to the cafe. 

“My son!” he hears a red-headed woman shout. She’s new around here, Faye, he thinks, all too friendly with Mark Wylde who has suddenly appeared now too. 

Cain hands him a bit of the rubble and all of a sudden he’s helping dig everyone out, taking whatever he’s given and moving it out of the way. Still, he’s distracted by Chas having a go at Aaron, listening more to that than Cain’s direction. 

“What the hell do ya think you’re playing at ya stupid little idiot!” Chas yells at him, hitting him on the arm for emphasis. Paddy is on the phone beside her, probably calling for help. 

“I was trying to stop it!” Aaron tries to defend himself.

Paddy’s not having any of it though. “You’re lying again, aren’t ya!” he decides. 

Robert opens his mouth to stick up for him, but Aaron pushes through them and runs up the road. He understands; he’s done it enough times himself. The compulsion to go after him is strong but Cain hands him another piece of rubble and he’s forced stay put as Chas goes after him instead. He’s sure that won’t go well. 

Zak and Eli Dingle show up next and Zak and Cain have a plan to tow the van out of the shop but Faye won’t stop crying about her son, Ryan, being stuck inside so Mark Wylde climbs in through the van, to lift the beam that’s crushing him onto the hood of it. Robert thinks he’s nuts, but he supposes if it were Victoria or even Andy, he’d probably do the same. 

“How come I’ve just seen our Aaron going the other way like a scalded cat?” he hears Zak ask. 

“Don’t ask,” Cain replies. 

At the same time, Robert sees Chas come running back up the road to Paddy. “I couldn’t keep up with him,” she tells him. 

“He’d hardly be running away if he hadn’t done anything, would he?” Paddy rationalizes. 

Robert grinds his teeth together at the assumption. 

“How many times is he going to shame us like this?” Chas asks.

Robert’s had enough now, throwing the rope he’s been handed by Eli down at his feet. “It wasn’t his fault!” he shouts at them. “He was just trying to help!” 

“Oh no!” Chas says, coming at him, “It’s probably your fault and all!” 

“How is it-?!” He can’t even finish the question, he’s so angry, squeezing his hands into fists. “You know what, I don’t need this!” 

\---

Aaron sits, perched on the wall beside the road up to Butler’s farm. He’s not sure why he came this way; he just needed to get out of there. Of course they were all accusing him, nothing new there. Most of the time, he had to admit they were right, but this time, he really was trying to stop the bloody van. Lifting up his arm, he tries to see the damage done to his elbow. With his other hand, he touches the cut and his fingers come away with blood on them. It stings, but at least it’s keeping his mind off of everything else. 

“So what’s the verdict? You gonna live?” Aaron turns his head, to see Robert walking up the road, hands buried in his jeans pockets, clothes covered in dust and dirt. 

“Think so,” he replies, shifting over on the wall, so Robert can sit beside him. 

He watches as Robert swings one of his long legs over the wall, to straddle it and then makes to grab for his arm again. Normally, Aaron wouldn’t let anyone touch him like this, but somehow it being Robert puts him at ease and he lets him have a look. 

“Not too bad,” Robert tells him as he takes a section of the end of his t-shirt and starts to clean him up a bit. “Think you’re right. You’ll probably live.”

“Well, I was worried,” Aaron finds himself laughing. “So...what’s going on back there?”

Robert hesitates for a moment. “It’s fine. They’re gonna get everyone out.”

“They all think it’s my fault, don’t they?”

Aaron sees Robert’s eyes dart away from him, definitely green in this light, and he knows they do. “If it makes you feel any better, your mum blamed me too,” Robert tells him. 

“Doesn’t surprise me, she hates ya,” Aaron lets himself smile. 

“Oh, I’m well aware,” Robert agrees. “Come on,” he says then, giving him a gentle tap on the shoulder, “We should get back, try and set everyone straight.” 

“Cause that’ll work,” Aaron grumbles as he slides off the wall, following after Robert who has already started back toward the village. 

\---

As the remnants of the shop come into view, Robert can see that everyone has made it out so he steers Aaron toward the pub where they notice Chas and Paddy going inside followed by two cops. Great, Robert thinks, that’ll help. There’s a shift in the air the moment they walk in and he can feel all eyes turn toward them. Aaron tenses beside him and they’re both on alert, ready to defend themselves. It’s a rare moment when neither of them have actually done something wrong. The first person to come at them is unsurprisingly Nathan Wylde, who seems to have shown up after all the hard work was done. 

He charges toward them, finger waving accusingly in the air, the cords in his neck taut with tension. “You two are in serious trouble!” he seethes at them. Turning toward the two police officers, he says, “Well, arrest them! This is all their fault!” 

“Why don’t you listen to our side of the story before you start gobbing off!” Aaron cuts in, lunging toward him. Robert wants nothing more than to let him beat the hell out of Nathan but he knows that won’t help, so he holds him back. 

“Alright lads, calm down,” one of the officers, PC Swirling, says. “Let’s have the whole story then.” 

“They were clearly going for a joyride and crashed into the shop!” Nathan tells Swirling, which is the furthest thing from the truth. 

Robert fumes, though he is secretly glad Nathan’s precious farm shop took a hit, though it’ll just hurt them in the long run until it’s functional again. “The van was already rolling,” Robert tries to explain as calmly as he can. 

“We were trying to stop an accident, not cause one!” Aaron adds. 

“Yeah, right,” Nathan scoffs. “You’re going to believe these two over me?”

“You weren’t even there!” Robert points out, his voice raising even though he’s doing his best to keep his anger in check. 

“Why don’t you ask Rodney,” Aaron jumps in. “He was the one who forgot to put the handbrake on!” 

The eyes of the pub shift toward Rodney now, who is sitting at one of the tables consoling a pregnant Nicola. He looks up at everyone, affronted by the very accusation. Robert watches the confusion on the Dingles’ faces. He can tell they were all willing to believe that Aaron had been trying to nick the van, that he had caused the accident, but this new information was giving them pause. Diane on the other hand is just shaking her head at him and he knows that she fully believes him capable, which hurts. He’s just glad Andy and Vic aren’t around to witness this, though he knows they’ll find out later. 

“Is that true?” Zak asks Rodney. 

“It most certainly is not!” Rodney proclaims himself innocent of all charges. 

Zak turns back to Aaron, “Son, now tell the truth.” 

“I am telling the truth!” Aaron insists. 

“He should just be happy Aaron and I were there,” Robert can’t help himself now. “Otherwise there’s no telling what would have happened to Nicola.” He glares at Rodney, willing him to just admit what he’s done and get them out of this damn mess. This is the last time he’s helping anyone in this village if this is how it’s going to be received. 

“Aaron, swear to me you’re telling the truth,” Chas speaks over his shoulder to her son. 

“Why bother, no one believes me anyway. Even me own mum!” he hisses at her. She actually has the gall to look hurt by that when she’s the one accusing him and it makes Robert’s blood boil. “I wasn’t trying to nick the van. I was trying to stop it. And Robert was just helping me, not to mention he pulled me off before we crashed into the shop right along with the van.” He gives him a small nod in thanks, which Robert returns. 

Chas sighs, “Alright, I believe you.” 

“This is why they’ll keep getting away with things like this!” Nathan rages at Chas’s acceptance of Aaron. “Because people like you keep giving them too many chances!” 

“Oi!” Chas shouts, hurling herself toward him. 

PC Swirling puts himself in the middle of them, looking tired. “That’s enough!” he cautions them both. 

“So, are you going to charge them or not?” Nathan asks impatiently. 

“Perhaps,” PC Swirling answers. “I think that’s enough for today though. We’ll be back to question you further though, lads, so don’t go anywhere.” 

“This is absurd!” Nathan complains, throwing his hands up in frustration. 

“Seems to me like our Aaron actually did a good thing,” Zak says and Eli nods beside him. The others still look skeptical but Zak seems to actually be accepting Aaron’s word as the truth now. “Let’s get the lad a pint.” 

Robert can’t help himself but smile at Aaron’s grin at the thought of actually getting a pint in the pub, but Chas steps in to point out that he is still underage and still potentially in trouble so they shouldn’t celebrate too much yet. Nathan curses the lot of them and storms out of the pub along with the cops. Robert lets him go; he has his eyes on someone else at the moment anyway. 

It is over an hour later that Robert gets Rodney on his own, cornered outside the men’s bogs in the pub. He has waited patiently for him to be alone, keeping distracted watching Aaron at the bar with his family and dodging continued glares from Chas. She may have said she believed her son but she certainly doesn’t trust him. Robert is going to make sure that everyone knows the truth though. Rodney looks surprised by Robert’s sudden appearance outside door. He’s been loitering there a while, Rodney taking forever doing god knows what in the toilets. 

“What do you want, Robert?” he asks, his voice has an edge to it like he’s trying to be intimidating. 

Robert just laughs at him, standing up a bit straighter, pushing himself into Rodney’s personal space. “Well, Rodders,” he starts, keeping his voice low and even. “I wanted to talk to you about a certain handbrake.” 

“And as I told the police, I put it on,” Rodney tries to say. 

Taking another step forward and backing the man up against the wall, keeping his hands safely at his sides, he says, “And I need you to tell the police the truth, that you forgot to put it on.” 

“Not going to happen,” Rodney says firmly.

“I see,” Robert sighs, backing up a half a step, waving his hand nonchalantly. “You know I’m really glad Aaron was able to keep your runaway van from hitting Nicola. It really would be a shame if something happened to her.” He pauses for dramatic effect. “Especially with her being pregnant and all.”

“What are you trying to say Robert?” Rodney asks him with a growl.

“You know, I heard Auntie Val saying to Diane that she wasn’t even going to keep the baby at first because you were such a bad father and she didn’t want to put her own kid through the same bad experience she had. It would just be a shame if something happened to that baby now after you all you went through to change her mind.” Robert speaks casually, hardly looking at Rodney. 

“You wouldn’t do that,” Rodney argues. 

Turning on him again, Robert backs him against the wall once more, getting right into his face, glaring at him hard. “Try me,” he hisses. “You know what I’m like.” Rodney pales and Robert fights the smile that wants to spread across his face. “Go tell the police the truth!” 

\---

Aaron is sat at one of the tables outside the pub when Robert comes out, drinks in hand. He’s got yet another cap on his head today and this time, as Robert sets down their drinks on the table, he reaches out and flicks it off his head, a strong gust of a summer breeze carrying it a few feet away from the table. Furious blue eyes swing up to meet his and that scowl he’s come to enjoy is etched on Aaron’s face. 

“Oi! What’dya do that for?” Aaron grumbles as he goes to retrieve his cap. 

Robert laughs. “Just helping you out, mate. You look ridiculous in it!” 

“Yeah, well,” Aaron starts, crushing the hat in his hands now. Robert almost feels bad that he’s insulted him but he feels like maybe they’ve reached the point in their tenuous friendship that he can do that without it being a big thing. “At least I never had a mullet!” 

Rolling his eyes, Robert reaches up and touches his hair. It certainly looks better these days than it did back then. “Cheeky little git, sit down and drink your drink.” 

Aaron sets the cap down on the table, not putting it back on his head and stares at the drink before him as he sits back down. “What the hell is this?” he asks, pointing at the coke. 

“Sorry, Diane knew who it was for,” Robert apologizes. “I did try.” 

“Right, well, I hope you like coke then,” Aaron says as he reaches out and switches the drinks on the table so he has the pint in front of him. 

“Shouldn’t you be thanking me instead of stealing my pint?” Robert asks, tempted to take it back, but instead he just watches on as Aaron takes a big gulp of the amber liquid, closing his eyes and savoring the taste as it slides down his throat. 

Setting the glass back down, he looks up at him, “How did you get him tell the police the truth?”

“I have my ways,” Robert smiles at him. It seemed his empty threats had the desired effect as Rodney had gone to the police later that day and told the whole truth. He’d come over all apologetic in the pub that evening to tell him the police wouldn’t be wanting him or Aaron for any further questioning. 

“Ugh, don’t look now,” Aaron says as he takes another big gulp of his stolen pint. 

Robert turns to see Nathan Wylde walking by they pub, glaring at both of them. He raises his glass of coke towards him and gives him a big grin, feeling damn good that he had managed to get one over on him. They might not be out from under his thumb contract wise with the farm, but this at least feels like step one in a way. 

“Think he likes us,” Robert laughs and then lifts his glass to Aaron. “Cheers!”

“Yeah, cheers, mate!” Aaron says, clinking their glasses together.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is worried that Paddy going on a vet's course will mean that his mum will end up getting back with Carl. Robert tries to reassure him that won't happen, while also beginning to realize he may feel a bit more than friendship toward him.

August 2009 

“Here you go! Bon appetit!” Viv says cheerily as she brings over their meals. 

Nervously, Aaron starts to tuck into his food while Paddy mumbles something or other in French. He’s been dreading this conversation, has been for days, but he needs to have it. Uncle Zak has already warned Paddy about Carl earlier but he doesn’t seem to be hearing it. Aaron knows he needs to make him understand. Since Carl and Lexi ended things, he just knows that he is going to make a play for his mum. 

“This is just fantastic, this!” Paddy exclaims beside him, banging his palms on the counter. “It’s not very often I get invited to lunch you know.” He turns to him then and gives him a light punch on the shoulder. “The boys together! Me and you!” 

“Yeah alright!” Aaron sighs at him as Paddy slaps at him playfully a few more times, his attempts to relate to the younger generation. “Whatever,” he adds for extra measure. 

“Whatever!” Paddy mocks him with a laugh. “Is everything alright?”

No, Aaron thinks as he stabs his fork into a chip. 

“I know what this is about, you know,” Paddy continues his chattering. “This is woman trouble isn’t it?” 

As if, Aaron mutters to himself as he swerves out of the way of Paddy’s hands teasing him further. That is another issue entirely, one he can’t process thinking about just now. He just hopes that people won’t start to get suspicious now he isn’t hanging around Victoria anymore. He’ll have to sort that soon enough. Scarlet is free now Daz is gone. 

“No, it’s not that,” he tells Paddy, as he pushes around the food on his plate. 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Paddy says in a soft voice, looking over at him, all parental concern he’s not used to getting. “I’m just glad you feel you can talk to me.” 

Aaron almost wishes that was what he had to talk to him about, like maybe Paddy would understand, but he pushes the thought aside to focus on the task at hand. “Do you have to go on this vet’s course?” he asks, a little desperate. If Paddy goes on this course, then he’s sure that his mum is going to get back with Carl. 

“Why?” Paddy questions, taking a deep drink of his tea. 

“I just don’t think you should leave me mum here, not while Carl’s about,” he warns him.

“What’s happened?”

“Nothing,” Aaron assures him. Not yet anyway, and not ever if he has any say in the matter. He’s grown to like Paddy even through all of the grief they’ve caused each other over the past few months. He’s a good bloke and his mum should feel lucky to have a guy like him in her life. Instead, he just knows she’s gonna throw it all away, and over scum like Carl King and all. Carl is a manipulative bastard and his mum deserves better than him. That and he wants nothing to do with the man, reminds him too much of his dad with the way he wants to control everyone. 

“Sorry,” Paddy shakes his head, “thought you were gonna say...something.” He pauses for a moment and then raises his voice a bit, “I hope you’re not going to badmouth your mother to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Aaron promises him, “but you know what Carl’s like! Now Lexi’s gone, he’s gonna try and get back with her.”

“Listen,” Paddy cuts in, “I trust your mother and so should you.” 

“Yeah,” Aaron half heartedly agrees, “It’s not her, it’s him!”

The door to the cafe opens and Robert walks in, distracting him for a second. He’s got his leather jacket on again and looking down at his tracksuit jacket, he wonders if he could pull one off too. Robert gives him an awkward wave and he returns it with a nod. They still haven’t quite worked out this whole friendship thing, but they’re working on it. 

“Carl’s in Chas’s past!” Paddy says, grabbing his attention again, and Aaron thinks he’s probably trying to convince himself at this point more than convince him. 

“I saw ‘em,” Aaron hisses at him. “Alright! Last night! They were talkin’.”

“Talking’s not a crime,” Paddy says quietly, turning back to his plate. 

“Yeah, well that’s how it happened last time,” Aaron tells him as he notices Viv hovering over their shoulders. She’s been hanging about the whole time, probably looking for gossip like always. 

“Do you want butter with your-” Viv pipes up behind them, finally sticking her nose in. As if she could have resisted. 

“Yes!” Paddy snaps at her and Aaron shakes his head. 

Robert is at the counter now, glaring at Viv for ignoring him and Aaron is glad that his petty frustration can at least make him smile right now in the midst of this potential mess. Paddy’s just not listening to him and he wonders if Robert might be a more sympathetic ear. Shoving one last chip in his mouth, he slides off of his stool and gives Paddy a pat on the shoulder. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Patrick,” he says pointedly. 

“Where are you going?” Paddy asks, looking bewildered. “You’ve not finished your lunch?” 

“Not hungry,” Aaron says and he’s not. All this talk about Carl has really put him off. 

Paddy follows his gaze and sees Robert looking their way. “Talkin’ about flippin’ Carl and you’re off with that one. You better be careful yourself, Aaron,” Paddy gives him his own warning. 

“Whatever,” Aaron sighs. “We’re mates. It’s not like I’m dating ‘im!” Aaron gulps at his own words, feeling panicked as Paddy stares at him. 

“Just look after yourself,” Paddy tells him. 

“And you, think about what I said,” he reiterates one more time. Paddy can’t go on that course. He just can’t. 

\---

“Coffee?” Aaron asks as he slides in next to him at the counter. 

“Yeah, cheers,” Robert replies as Viv finally decides to do her job as local cafe owner instead of local gossip. 

“Tea and...an Americano right?” Aaron asks as he pulls a few quid from his pocket and pushes it across the counter toward Viv. 

“Yeah,” Robert smiles at him, wondering why the fact that Aaron knows his drink order makes his stomach flutter. “So what’s all that about?” He points over at Paddy’s frowning face, the vet violently finishing his lunch, using his cutlery like weapons while he glares at him. 

“Thinks you’re a bad influence on me or summat,” Aaron says quickly and Robert can tell there’s more to it. 

“And the rest?” he pushes gently. 

Viv brings their drinks to the counter and Aaron grabs them both, directing them over to a table as far away from Paddy as he can get. They sit across from each other, knees bumping as they get comfortable, but Robert doesn’t mind. Their fingers brush together briefly as Aaron slides his coffee across the table and he can feel that fluttering in his stomach again. He really needs that to stop. 

“So,” he prods further. 

“I’m trying to get Paddy not to go on this stupid vet’s course. If he goes, I know me mum is gonna get back with Carl, now Lexi’s out of the picture,” Aaron rants. 

Robert nods. He heard all about it from Pearl in the pub the other day. In fact, he was thinking about changing up his bet with the new information, not that this is what this is about. He sympathizes with Aaron, after all he went through when his mum cheated on his dad. That had been the end of everything good in his life. 

“I just don’t trust ‘im,” Aaron sighs in frustration as he takes a sip of his tea, blowing on it so it doesn’t scald his tongue. 

“Who? Paddy or-”

“Carl! Keep up, Sugden,” Aaron snaps at him. 

“Believe me,” Robert says, “I’ve had enough run in with the Kings over the years. I understand why.” 

“So then you get why I have to get Paddy to stay,” Aaron insists. 

Robert nods again. He doesn’t quite get Paddy and Aaron’s relationship yet, but he can see through everything they’ve obviously been through that deep down, they do care about each other. He almost finds himself wishing he had a Paddy, not that Diane isn’t great but he still feels like just an accessory to Andy and Vic most of the time. “I’m sure you’ll get him to see sense,” Robert tries to reassure him. 

\---

Aaron sits at the table in the kitchen, pounding his frustrations out on the keypad of his mobile as he tries to beat the stupid game he’s playing. His chat with Robert in the cafe had eased his mind a bit but he is still worried that Paddy won’t take his advice. He barely looks up as his mum comes stomping into the kitchen, her high heels clicking against the floor. It’s like he’s preemptively angry at her for something she might do. 

“Sounds like you’re flogging a dead horse,” she says flatly, referring to the sounds of his game. He ignores her pointedly as Paddy drifts in from the surgery with his empty coffee cup. “Do you want a sandwich? I’m making.”

“No thank you,” Paddy says and turns to leave. 

“Oh come on!” his mum pleads. “Have another coffee. He’s hardly talkin’ to me is he?” 

Yeah, for a reason, Aaron thinks to himself as he inches closer to his high score. Paddy sits down next to him at the table he gives him a quick nod, trying to encourage him to tell his mum that he’s not going to go after all. “Go on,” he mouths the words when Paddy gives him a sharp look. His mum drifts over to the table though and he can see Paddy thinking over what he told him. 

“I’m ca-” Paddy starts and then stops himself for a moment and Aaron thinks he’s nearly lost his bottle but then he continues on. “I’m cancelling the trip.”

His mum looks less than pleased but Aaron doesn’t really care. She needs looking after or she’ll make the same dumb mistakes she always does. “Why?” she questions, even though he knows she knows why. 

“Because the surgery’s just too busy,” Paddy says. 

Coward, Aaron thinks. It’s not even a good lie. 

“Surgery’s sorted and I’ve confirmed the locum,” his mum informs him. 

“And the Sugdens have got three pregnant cows due and I should just be there, just in case. I don’t want to lose their business do I?” Paddy stammers. 

“They’re not due for months yet,” his mum reminds him.

Aaron looks away from the trainwreck back to his phone. He sees a text from Robert pop up, asking if he wants to meet him in the pub for lunch. Closing it out, he returns to his game, jamming away at the buttons. He wants to go but he’s not sure he should leave these two on their own. It’s like he can’t trust either of them to know what’s best for them. 

“I don’t...um...d-” Paddy continues his pitiful stuttering before he turns to him, “Can you stop that please!” 

Giving up on his high score, Aaron shuts his phone. Maybe he ought to go have lunch with Robert after all. At least hanging around with him calms him down a bit and right now his mum and Paddy were driving him mad. He can’t understand why they can’t see what a good thing they have going for themselves. Why do they insist on wanting to wreck it? He listens to Paddy make up some other ridiculous excuse. Honestly, he’s better at lying. He’s had to be. Paddy is pathetic. His mum cuts in with another sharp word before she turns back to him. 

“Would you give us a minute?” she tells him more than asks. He goes to make an excuse to stay, to keep them in line but the glare she gives him doesn’t give him the opportunity. “Go!” she orders him. 

With a sigh he gets up from the table and pulls his phone back out to reply to Robert. Lunch in the pub it is then. At least he knows seeing Robert will put a smile on his face at some point and he tries to focus on that instead of the car crash he’s leaving behind. 

\---

“Who ya lookin’ for?” Victoria asks him as he cranes his neck toward the door waiting for Aaron to show up. 

“Just meeting-” he cuts himself off as Aaron walks in the door and gives him a sullen nod. Clearly things with Paddy and his mum haven’t improved. He hopes he can at least take his mind off of it for a bit, wonders if he can get him to smile if he distracts him enough. 

“Tired of Andy’s sloppy seconds, so you’re going after mine?” Vic laughs. 

“No! What?” Robert panics. That’s not what this is. “W-what are you on about?”

“Relax!” Vic exclaims. “It’s just a joke. I see why you two get along now.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he practically demands. 

“Nothing! See yas later!” she shakes her head at them as Aaron comes over, looking confused. 

“What was that all about?” Aaron asks, pointing toward his sister who was laughing her way out the door. 

“Oh, uh, nothing,” he says quickly, because it was nothing, and this is nothing. “Darts?” He asks. “Or food first?”

“Darts,” Aaron replies. “Not that hungry.” 

“Right,” Robert says as he goes to get two sets of darts from Diane at the bar, glancing back at Aaron and watching him open up the board. He’s just in a t-shirt today, no cap thankfully. He’d stopped wearing them since that day he knocked that one off his head. 

“So, long lunch in the cafe yesterday, lunch in the pub today. You actually do any work, farm boy, or do ya leave all that to Andy?” Aaron asks as he takes his set of darts. 

“I’ve been working since five this morning, thank you,” Robert defends himself. “I reckon I’ve earned a bit of a break.” 

“Only messing,” Aaron laughs and it makes Robert smile to see. “You actually like workin’ on the farm? Only you look bored to tears every time I’ve been up there.” 

Robert snorts as he takes aim with his dart. “Hate it really, but it’s family, you know?” Squinting at the target, he throws the dart and it lands almost in the bullseye.

“Maybe I should’ve chosen lunch first,” Aaron scoffs. 

“Want some tips?” Robert asks, inching closer like he’s actually going to reach out and take his hand holding the dart and give him pointers. He forces himself to take a step back. 

“I’ll manage,” Aaron says and he wonders if he noticed his sudden hesitancy. What the hell is wrong with him lately? 

Robert watches as Aaron lines up his shot and throws the dart. It nearly lands off the board and he can see the frustration creasing his forehead and he wants to make it better. “Probably just too much on your mind,” Robert says. “Any progress on the Paddy front?” 

“He told her he wasn’t going to go,” Aaron admits. 

“That’s great!” Robert says probably with too much enthusiasm. Aaron doesn’t look happy though. “That’s...not great?”

“Got your text as she was shooing me out the door while she tried to convince him to go. He’ll cave. I know he will,” Aaron signs as slumps into a stool at the bar, letting his other two darts fall on the counter. 

“Then he’ll go,” Robert says. 

“Is this you tryin’ to cheer me up or summat?” Aaron looks up at him with a crinkled brow. 

“He’ll go and then you’ll be here to keep an eye on her, keep her away from Carl until Paddy gets back,” Robert continues, hoping he’s at least getting somewhere in the vicinity of reassuring. His aim is better with darts than comforting words sometimes and it isn’t often he cared about trying but with Aaron...no, he isn’t going to let himself finish that thought. 

“Suppose,” Aaron grumbles, not looking wholly convinced. 

“Tell you what, meet me outside,” Robert tells him. “I’ll get us some chips and some drinks and I’ll let you drink mine.” 

The grin that comes as a response illuminates Aaron’s face and Robert feels a warmth spread through his chest that he made that happen even if it is just excitement over getting to drink a cheeky pint. He knows he’s getting himself into trouble even as he can’t stop himself from staring at Aaron’s bare arms as he heads out of the pub after tossing him another smile. There are so many reasons this is a bad idea, not least the fact that there’s no way a bloke like Aaron would ever be interested in him. Turning to Diane, he puts in their order and stands there, tapping his foot nervously against the floor. He likes having Aaron as a mate and he doesn’t want to wreck that, so whatever thoughts he’s having about the idea, he needs to stop them now.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both boys struggle with their growing interest in the other as Aaron heads off to Ibiza on holiday and Robert feels like he's at a bit of a loose end without him. Things come to a head with the Paddy/Chas/Carl situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extreme lateness of this chapter. The Incident and current storyline really threw me off my robron game and it took me a long time to be able to come back to this. Hopefully, I can continue on with it no matter what happens in the show. I'm getting better at dealing with frustrating canon. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Comments welcome!

September 2009

Robert makes his way to the garage, surprised that he can still possibly get so sore working on the farm. He thought by now surely he would be used to the work, but spending the morning chasing after a wayward calf has made him hurt in places he didn’t know existed. Andy, of course, had found it positively hilarious watching him run around like an idiot and had made no move to help him. Pausing a moment, he stretches his leg out, feeling the pull of the muscle, dreading going back for round two later. When he looks up, he spots Aaron, bent over the a car, rag slung over his shoulder and he can’t help but stare for a moment at the way the dark blue fabric stretches over his body. 

Stop! He warns himself, shaking his head. It’s not the first time he’s caught himself doing it but he knows he needs to quit it before anyone takes notice, especially Aaron. Keeping his eyes on the ground, he kicks at the gravel with his toes as he walks up the drive, only noticing Aaron’s trainers turn toward him instead of the rest of him. Safer that way, though he can’t avoid eye contact forever. 

“Oi mate!” Aaron calls out to him. “Just give me a sec and we’ll go, yeah?” He chances a look up as Aaron turns toward the garage, stripping his greasy gloves off and wiping his hands on his overalls. “Alright Debbie, can I take my break now?” he asks. 

“Yeah go on, do one,” Debbie says as she goes back to talking to Chas who turns around a shoots him a warning look. He knows that she hates them being friends, still upset at him for hurting Katie all those years ago. 

Robert looks everywhere but at Aaron as he tosses the rag onto the car he’d been working on and strips out of his overalls, leaving him in just his hoodie and trackies. He hardly notices he’s right beside him until he’s nudging his shoulder into his arm, which stings a bit since he cut it this morning on a fence post as he chased after that damn cow. 

“Alright mate?” Aaron asks. “You look done in.”

Just what he wants to hear. “Fine,” he mumbles, trying not to take offence. “Got into a bit of a fight with a calf this morning is all.”

Aaron laughs and the sound lifts his spirits even if it is at his expense. “Now, that, I would have liked to see!” 

When they walk into the caf, Aaron’s easy demeanor shifts and Robert feels his body tense beside his. Following his line of sight, he sees Carl King sitting there with Jimmy having lunch. Without thinking, he brings his hand up and lays it across his shoulder to steady him and they both look down at the contact, frozen for a moment, until Robert pulls his hand away again, a strange thrill going through him. 

“Nah, it’s fine,” Aaron tells him, ignoring the awkwardness, and nodding his head toward Carl. “He’s just a little muppet, in’t he? 

Robert nods, not trusting himself to speak for another few seconds before he turns to Viv at the counter and says, “A tea and an Americano, please Viv. Oh and uh…” he notices Katie for the first time, sitting at the counter beside him and she gives him an odd look and he wants to curl into himself because he feels like she saw. 

“And?” Viv prompts him. Robert glances at Aaron who’s drumming his fingers against the counter top, glaring at Carl with a smirk on his lips. “Well?”

“Uhh…” he’s stupidly flustered now and he hates himself for it. “Two sticky buns,” he says quickly. 

“What’s your problem?” he hears Carl ask and turns away from the glare Katie’s giving him now, to focus on making sure Aaron doesn’t get himself into too much trouble. 

“I’m not the one with a problem,” Aaron laughs and Robert wonders how much of a front he’s putting on for Carl right now or if he actually feels that confident. He’s been meaning to ask how things are going with Chas on the Carl front. 

“Meaning?” Carl presses but Aaron just gives him his trademark frown and shakes his head. “If you’ve got something to say just say it.” 

Aaron cocks his head and bites at his lip. “Have you got the message now she says she doesn’t want nowt to do with ya?”

Carl doesn’t look happy, so Robert says quietly, “Why don’t we just…” and points to a table against the wall. 

“Fine,” he replies as they move past, giving Carl a quick eyebrow raise.

“What was all that about?” Robert hears Jimmy ask his brother.

“Aaron being a prat,” Carl tells him. “Come on, let’s go.” 

“So, how’s that all going then now Paddy's been away?” Robert asks as they settle into their seats, Viv bringing over their drinks and food. 

“Yeah, fine, I suppose,” Aaron says, teeth sinking into his sticky bun. He wipes the excess sugary frosting off his mouth with the back of his hand and Robert finds himself staring a little too much again. “Caught him and me mum talking a couple times but she told him where he stands yesterday so that’s progress.” 

Robert wasn’t so sure but he didn’t want to dampen Aaron’s spirits so he hides his feelings behind his own sticky bun, taking too big a bite so it takes him forever to chew enough to swallow. Aaron grins at him over his mug of tea as he slurps it down. Their conversation drifts to other things while they finish their drinks, Aaron half heartedly agreeing to go see Zombieland at the cinema with him when it comes out next month. Robert tries to tell the fluttering in his stomach that he is not asking him out but his stomach won’t seem to listen. 

“October? Yeah, I’ll be back by then,” Aaron says as he gulps down the last dregs of his tea, fiddling with the tea bag on the table. “Well if I can convince me mum to let me go.” 

“Go where?” Robert asks. 

“Some mates from college are going to Ibiza. Hotel’s all paid for but I need her to lend me some cash for the flight,” he tells him. 

“Right,” Robert says, a little dejected at the thought of Aaron going away. “You’re not worried about…”

“Carl? Well if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll stay away and do as she says,” Aaron says firmly as he plays with the zip on his hoodie, pulling it up. “I should get back to the garage before Debs has me head.” 

Robert starts to get up from the table, “Yeah-”

“Oh, oh boys!” the words stop them both and they look up to find the vicar hovering at the edge of their table. “First cricket practice is later today!” 

They share a quick look before Aaron looks up at Ashley with a sincere expression. “Oh, right.” 

“Can we count on seeing you both there?” Ashley asks. 

“Yeah,” Aaron says, nodding his head with a little smile. Robert can’t help himself but smirk.

“You’re lying aren’t you?” Ashley nods back. 

“Yeah,” Aaron confirms.

Robert bites back a laugh as Ashley turns to him, silently pleading through hand gestures, but he just shakes his head at the poor vicar as he and Aaron get up and leave the cafe. They manage to get just beyond the door before they both burst out laughing, doubled over and breathless. Aaron slaps his hand on Robert’s shoulder as they try to regain their breath and he nearly loses his all over again, his stomach stupidly doing somersaults. 

“I’ll see ya later, mate,” Aaron says as he stalks back off to the garage before Robert can even calm down enough to speak again. This was really starting to become a problem for him. 

\---

Aaron takes Clyde for a walk when he knocks off work at the end of the day. Paddy would be happy he’s taking some responsibility for the dog while he’s away. Really, he just doesn’t fancy having playtime with Sarah while his mum watches her for Debbie. She’s on some big date, cooking a meal for that Michael bloke. Aaron’s not sure what she sees in him, but whatever. 

He thinks about that film he said he’d go see with Robert. It sounded alright and he’d certainly seen enough zombie films with Paddy and Marlon to be well acquainted with the genre if he wants to sound knowledgeable and impress Robert, not that he needs to impress Robert. He has a ridiculous image in his head of sitting in a dark theater with him and their hands both going for popcorn at the same time like in some cheesy chick flick his mum would watch. Dangerous territory, that. That’s why he needs to go to Ibiza with his college mates. They’ll sort him out quick. 

When he gets home, his mum is just putting Sarah to bed, hears her stumbling over an improvised story as he head to the lounge. Sprawling out on the sofa, he flicks on the telly. Nothing’s really on but it’s a good distraction from the thoughts swirling around in his head. It’s not like anything is ever going to happen with him and Robert anyway; he doesn’t even want it to, not really. 

His mum comes down later and perches on the arm of the sofa beside him. “Finally got her off to sleep. My storytelling’s a bit rusty.”

“As long as she doesn’t wake me up,” he mumbles, turning back to the telly. 

With a playful slap on his elbow she scoffs, “She’s not a baby!” 

He scoots over on the sofa to make room for her and thinks back to the caf. “Tell you who is,” he says. “Carl King. You shoulda seen his face in the caf earlier.”

“Aaron,” she sighs at him. 

“I was windin’ him up and he couldn't take it.” 

“Not now,” her voice takes on a bit of an edge. 

Aaron pushes it further, “Got up and left, didn’t he?" 

“Alright, that’s enough,” she waves a finger at him. “I don’t want to talk about Carl, okay!” 

Moving out of reach of her hand, he turns back to the telly. It’s better they don’t talk about him anyway. 

“I’m gonna call Paddy in a bit,” she says out of the blue. 

“So,” Aaron says cautiously. 

“So...I was thinking while I was putting Sarah to bed that I was gonna ask him about getting an advance on next month’s wages,” Chas tells him, her voice tight. He jerks his head toward her. “So I can pay for your flight.” 

He sits up straight and clicks off the tv. “What?” 

“You heard me! You can go to Ibiza if there’s still a spare place.” He can tell she’s somewhat exasperated with him since he’s been bugging her non stop about it for days. 

“Well what made you change your mind?” he asks, but almost regrets it. He doesn’t want her to change it back now. 

“I know how much it means to you,” she sighs, “and you deserve a break.”

Aaron can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. “Cheers!” he says and then his face falls just a bit, “Do you think Paddy’ll buy it?”

“Course he will,” she says quietly, “you know what he’s like?" 

“Mmm,” Aaron hums as he pulls out his phone, already typing out an excited message to Robert. “Too good for you.” 

He has the message drafted before he even realizes what he’s written and he feels his heart leap up into his throat as he reads it back, seeing that he’s asked him if he wants to come with him. What the hell was thinking, he asks himself, only he knows. The mental picture of Robert on the beach in just his swim trunks flashes in his mind again and he wonders if there’s freckles on his chest too. He has to bite down on his tongue just to keep his composure with his mum still sitting there beside him. Fingers fumbling, he goes to delete the text and start over when he hears the little woosh sound effect that means it’s just sent instead. His stomach turns and he wants the floor to open up and swallow him whole. 

His mum glances over at him and takes the remote from his shaking fingers and turns the telly back on. “You alright, love?” 

Gulping down, he manages to get out a hoarse, “yeah.” What has he done?

\---

“You’re a mess Rob,” Andy laughs at him as he bandages up the cut on his arm again. The stupid thing opened up again while they were clearing out the barn where they’d been keeping the calves before putting them out to pasture this morning. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighs. “Let’s just get this done.” 

“The great Robert Sugden, wanting to do work?” Andy smirks at him. He’s been ribbing him all night and while he likes that they can fall into easy banter with each other these days, he’s still getting a bit tired of it. “Maybe if you did spend more time working instead of pouring over the books and trying to wheel and deal with those stores that’ll never give you the time of day, you’d be less clumsy by now.” 

Robert grumbles at him as his phone buzzes in his pocket. He’d been trying to get the PA of one particular buyer to convince his boss to meet with him but he hadn’t managed yet. He wasn’t giving up yet though. Pulling out his phone, he waves off Andy’s protest as he opens up the text from Aaron. 

‘Mum’s springing for me to go to Ibiza! You should come with.’

His eyes widen as he stares at the words ‘you should come with’, heart rate increasing. On one hand, he wants to go, badly, but on the other, he pictures them drunk in some club one night and him unable to control himself. He doesn’t even want to imagine the consequences of that. 

“Are we doing this or what?” Andy asks him. 

Robert’s fingers move fast across the keypad, typing out the message before he has time to think too much. 

‘Can’t. Sorry. Gotta stay and help Andy with the farm.’ 

It’s a perfectly good excuse as Andy would be sure give him stick for leaving him in the lurch just as they were starting to get the farm ready for winter. His brother had been worried for weeks before already that they wouldn’t be able to get everything done but Robert thought they had plenty of time yet and he was overreacting surely. A few more beats and his phone buzzes again. 

‘That’s fine. See ya when I get back.’ 

He lets out a sigh of relief that Aaron hasn’t taken it badly or the wrong way. Hopefully the break will do him some good. A weight thuds into his chest as Andy throws a bale of hay at him. He barely has time to react as he catches hold of it before it hits the ground. His phone falls in the process and he scrambles to pick it up after he sets the hay bale on the ground. 

“Something wrong?” Andy asks him. 

“What? No!” Robert says defensively. “It’s Aaron. He’s just texting me to say he’s going on holiday.” 

Andy huffs. “Aww, gonna be without the boyfriend. Whatever will you do?” 

There’s bile in the back of his throat at Andy’s mocking tone and he swallows it down hard, determined not to let the fear of being found out show. He can’t help himself but feel like he’s fifteen again and Jack has just caught him trying to kiss a boy for the first time in his room. Andy doesn’t know anything though, he can’t, so it’s fine, he tells himself. If he freezes too long though, he’ll know something’s up. 

“Just shut up,” he forces out. “Let’s get back to work.” 

Andy shakes his head at him and goes to pick up the discarded hay bale and Robert finds he can at least breathe again, thankfully. 

\---

It’s been three days and Robert’s propping up the bar at the pub, watching Maisie serve with a close eye. He flashes her a smile as she walks past to serve another punter. It’s either that or watch the scene going on behind him as Katie sits with Ryan Lamb awkwardly flirting with him as they navigate whatever tenuous relationship they’re starting. It’s either that or watch her move on with another guy who’s not him. He doesn’t want her anymore, not really, but she’s certainly a safer option for him to be thinking about than other alternatives. As if on cue, his phone buzzes on the beer mat next to his pint and Aaron’s name pops up. Cautiously, he opens up the message to find a blurry picture of Aaron in some club, drink in hand and lights glowing behind him. His t-shirt is clinging to him and Robert has to look away for a second before he reads the accompanying message.

‘Wish you were here...miss ya’

His stomach does a backflip involuntarily and he downs the rest of his pint in one go, feeling even queasier. Looking back at the photo, he sighs quietly. He has missed him, a lot. He’d gotten used to all their shared meals and drinks in the pub and the cafe, hanging out, playing darts. He hadn’t realized how comfortable and easy it had become until it wasn’t there anymore. If he's honest, he feels like he's at a bit of a loose end without him. Typing out a reply, he wants to say ‘miss you too’ but as he stares at the words his breathing goes a bit shallow. Aaron’s clearly drunk and he doesn’t mean it like that at all. Finger on the backspace, he deletes the whole thing and opts for a more neutral message.

‘Looks like more fun than here.’

He hits send and orders another drink. 

“Whiskey, please, Maisie,” he says when she comes over. As she pours it for him, Robert glances back at Katie. She’s sitting a bit closer to Ryan now. His phone is frustratingly silent as Aaron neglects to respond to his reply. 

Maisie pushes the glass across the counter toward him. “Two pound fifty,” she says. 

He hands the money over and catches her wrist for a second. “So,” he says, trying to turn on the charm he knows he possesses somewhere deep down. “When do you get off work?” 

She pulls her hand free and laughs at him. “No,” she says and goes to put the money in the till. 

He gulps down the drink, the amber liquid burning his throat all the way down to his stomach. It’s not his night, not here anyway. Still, he needs a distraction. Deleting Aaron’s photo and message, he calls for a taxi. If the village has nothing to offer him, then he will just have to go into Hotten. 

\---

Robert’s head is pounding as he stirs into consciousness. Cracking an eye open, he immediately closes it, the sunlight drifting into the room too much for him just now. Eyes shut tight, he tries to assess his surroundings with his other senses. The mattress beneath him is more comfortable than his bed at the farm. Moving his hand across his body, he realizes he’s definitely naked and his body aches in a much better way than it does from farm work. Sniffing at the air, he smells the scent of coconut and vanilla as the bed dips down to his left. He forces his eyes open again and sees a girl in a silk dressing gown hovering over him, dark hair pulled up in a messy bun. She’s glowing as the sun lights her from behind and she smiles down at him. 

“Morning,” she whispers and he’s thankful for the softness of her voice, unsure he could handle more right now. 

“Yeah...morning,” he croaks out, his voice a garbled mess from drinking too much and he has a vague memory of shouting over obnoxiously loud music in a club last night to talk to this girl. He realizes he has no idea what her name even is. His head is wrecked. 

She leans down and kisses into his neck and then drops another kiss on his shoulder. Her hand is slowly traveling down his front but he’s not even stirring. He’s not even sure how he managed last night but she doesn’t seem to be complaining so he must have. Sitting up a little, she pulls back, looking a little disappointed. In some ways he wishes he could, but at the same time, all he wants to do is get the hell out of there. 

It’s like she can sense his need to run because she quickly says, “I can do ya some breakfast if you’d like?”

He swings his legs over the bed, looking around for his clothes. “Nah, I’m supposed to be at work. I should get going.” 

Glancing back at her as he extricates himself from her duvet, he sees her pouting, her robe slipping off one shoulder. She is gorgeous and it’s what he needed last night, but he needs to go now. Zipping up the fly on his jeans he grabs for his jumper. “Do I have your number?” he asks and she nods, handing him his phone. “Then I’ll call ya,” he says, pulling on his leather jacket. He won’t call her. 

\---

He’s back in the pub, half curled into the table of one of the booths on the side, feeling like absolute hell. After he stumbled from Evie’s flat, according to the name she’d put in his phone, into a taxi, he had called Andy to let him know he’d be late in, very late. His brother had laughed too loud down the line and told him not to worry. He was going to the cricket match anyway. Robert had forgotten and he couldn’t quite imagine Andy and his massive arms playing cricket anyway, but he didn’t really care just then. 

There’s a glass of orange juice in front of him that he’s been nursing for hours and a pile of greasy chips that he’s been picking at. It’s not like he regrets last night but he does, so much. His head spins as the players of the cricket match stream in through the doors, shouting at one another. He lays his head down on the table, staring at the chips instead of at Andy who has just come in and given him a pitiful look. It’s not like he needs his brother to remind him he looks pathetic right now. To top it all off too, Katie’s there with Chas, not that she’s paying him much attention but as she passes by him to go to the loo she can’t seem to resist a comment. 

“Rough night was it, Robert?” she says with a smirk, not giving his frustratingly slow brain time to respond before walking off.

When she comes back, he can’t help but watch her with Chas, wishing for a second, he had never messed everything up with her. There was a time when things were good, where Andy was the outcast with his dad and not him. He misses that, wants it back sometimes. Chas looks upset, he notices, and that thought fills him with dread. He can hardly focus on her though as she heads up to the bar where Marlon Dingle shouting about how the kitchen is supposed to be his domain to Diane. He shakes his head at the irate cook, which is a mistake and he lays it back down on the table. Chas is talking over Marlon now and her voice is really starting to grate on him. He should really go home and just try and sleep it off.

“Behave? Bit rich coming from you,” he hears in a sudden lull in the conversation. Picking his head up slowly, he sees Paddy standing there in his cricket kit, arms full of bin bags. Robert hadn’t even realized he’d come back to the village already. 

“What’s going on?” Chas asks. 

In answer, he dumps the contents of the bin bags onto the floor of the pub but Robert can’t quite see from this vantage what was inside. “I’m sorry to...spoil...to interrupt all your fun,” Paddy stammers.

“Paddy,” Chas sighs. 

Robert can hear crinkling as he crumples the bags up in his hands. “I want you out,” he says. “You deceitful little...I want you gone. Out of my life.” He holds up the bags now and adds. “And I’m having these bin bags by the way. I don’t see why you should have anything else that’s mine.” 

Robert lifts his head up further, suddenly feeling more alert. 

“Carl popped in,” Paddy continues, “told me about you and him.” 

“No,” Robert breathes out, thinking of Aaron.  
“Please can we talk?” Chas asks quietly. 

“TALK!” Paddy laughs, a bit manic. “I think the time for talking’s well gone!”

Robert feels sick all over again as Paddy continues on, telling the whole pub how Carl had Chas again. This was going to crush Aaron when he got home. Pulling out his phone, he almost texts him right then to warn him but he hates the thought of ruining his holiday by telling him his worst fear has come true. She was just trying to get him out of the way, he thinks bitterly, sending him off to Ibiza so she could get with Carl. 

“I was gonna tell you!” he hears Chas pleading.

Like that would have made any difference, he thinks, not that he’s one to talk. He denied being with Sadie for so long he started to almost believe it himself. 

“Yeah yeah, all that, all that,” Paddy sighs, heading toward the door. “Enjoy your life, by the way, I think you deserve each other.” 

“Paddy!” Chas calls out, rushing out after him. 

He knows whatever she says won’t help the situation. It’s over and now Aaron has to suffer the consequences. Robert promises himself that he’s going to try and get to Aaron first when he gets back, try and soften the blow a bit before he finds out from anyone else. He can do that much for him at least.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron arrives home from Ibiza and finds out about Chas and Carl. He and Robert devise a plan to get Paddy to let him stay with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the comments on the last chapter. I'm glad people are still enjoying the story. More feelings on Aaron's part in this chapter and I promise, the super slow burn will come to an end at some point in the next few chapters. Just got to get through a few more canon bits first. And I haven't forgotten about that movie date mentioned in the previous chapter.

September 2009

The phone is slippery in his clammy hand as he stares so hard at the blurry picture it only blurs more along with the words that accompany it. It doesn’t matter though, he knows perfectly well what they say. ‘Wish you were here...miss ya’. What the hell had he been thinking? He wasn’t thinking, that was the problem. The drink in his hand was number six of the night and he was surprised he’d even manage to spell the words correctly in the text. With his free hand, he pinches the bridge of his nose, wishes the taxi driver would just drive them straight into a wall. Robert had sent him a text, offering to pick him up from the airport but he had told him not to bother. He couldn’t face him, not now, maybe not ever. 

He should have learned his lesson after he accidentally asked Robert to come with him to Ibiza, but he clearly hadn’t. It was like his subconscious was trying to tell him something but he really didn’t want to hear it. The last time he’d felt like this, it had been Kyle from down the road, when he’d still lived with his dad. Sometimes the only thing that had gotten him through the day was watching him play footie with his mates. He thought Kyle would have killed him if he knew what he was thinking about him, just like Robert probably would now. Now it was Robert who got him through the day, made life a little brighter with his blonde hair and his green eyes and his cocky smile. He hates himself for even thinking of him like that. As much as he hated himself for sending that text he was even more furious with himself for being disappointed by the response. Sure they were mates, but he was just some stupid kid. There was no way Robert had missed him while he was gone. Why would he? 

After the text, Aaron had done everything he could to try and stop thinking about him, to try and be normal. The next night out, his mates had pushed some girl his way. Objectively, she was fit and his mates were teasing him and encouraging him the whole night. He was supposed to want it and he did, but not for the reasons his mates thought. He took her back to the hotel anyway, leaving the others behind at the club. They sat on the bed in a darkened room and he put his hands on her arms and they kissed. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and pulled at the hem of his t-shirt. It wasn’t terrible but he didn’t feel much either. At least with Victoria, he had trusted her for the most part, even if that did backfire in the end. The girl pulled at his shirt again and this time, he lifted his arms and let her pull it off of him, before nestling his hands into her long blonde hair, hair which only reminded him of Robert. When she palmed at his crotch next, he panicked. He wasn’t even close to hard and from the look on her face, she was clearly disappointed. He had pulled back, made some excuse about having had too much to drink and she had left pretty quickly. When his mates had come back later and had all assumed he had slept with her, he didn’t set them straight. 

“Hey! This it?” 

From the tone in the driver’s voice, Aaron can tell he’s been trying to get his attention for a while now. He starts to nod, seeing Smithy Cottage out the window but then stops when he sees him, Robert, pacing back and forth in front of his door. Why was he even there? Was it about the text? Was he going to tell him off for it? Or worse? He can’t deal with him right now. 

“Can you pull up a bit further?” he asks the taxi driver. 

“Sure,” comes the response and the car lurches forward a few extra feet. 

Aaron shoves the last of his money into the man’s waiting hand and grabs his bag from the seat next to him, clambering out of the back seat. Spotting him immediately, Robert starts to walk toward him, a strange expression on his face, but he swerves away from him and darts in through the door to the surgery. Eyes closed, he leans back against the door, breathing heavily. 

“What are you doing in here?” 

His eyes fly open and he sees Pearl of all people sitting at his mum’s desk, eyes wide and mouth open in shock at his presence. He lives here; he doesn’t know why she has any right to look surprised. “I should ask you the same thing,” he replies. 

“You can’t be here,” she says, looking flustered. 

“I live here,” he says. “Where’s me mum?” 

“I think you should go. Go and find her. Leave poor Paddy alone,” she tells him. 

“What are you on about?” He slings his bag over his shoulder and brushes past her desk where she’s starting get out of her chair like she’s actually going to stop him. It makes no matter, he’s far faster than she’ll ever be, slipping into the cottage before she can get to him. “Paddy!” he calls out and “Mum!” 

No one answers, so he tosses his bag on the table, knowing everything in it needs to be washed and heads up to his room to see if there’s anything else that needs throwing in. When he comes back down, he sees Paddy shoving all of his clothes back into the bag. Aaron can see he looks down, but he’s happy to see him, surprised by how much he actually missed him. “Hey up mate,” he says, arms out, about to give out a hug willingly. Paddy should be thrilled. 

Instead, he asks, “What’s this doing here?” 

Aaron flinches back, but tries not to let the rejection bother him. “It needs a wash, I’ll do it in a bit,” he says as he goes to the fridge for a can. Maybe a beer will help him sort his head about Robert. He wonders if he’s still pacing outside. 

“Get it all back in your bag,” Paddy says, continuing to pack it for him. 

Aaron takes a swig of his beer and tries not to pay any attention to his annoyed tone, instead, rummaging around in the bag for...he knows it’s in here somewhere. “Oh yeah, I’ll tell you what I did get you.” He pulls out the shirt. “Now it might be a bit tight...the club was mint though.” It wasn’t the one he sent Robert the text from or the one where he’d met that girl, so it was automatically the best of the bunch. “We should go there next year, you know,” he adds. Going with Paddy would certainly be safer than taking Robert Sugden along. “Ibiza I mean, not this club...it probably won’t be open-”

“Keep it,” Paddy says and this time Aaron can’t ignore how upset he looks. 

“Hey?” he screws up his face in confusion. 

Paddy sighs and then resumes his angry packing. “Just pack your stuff. Leave your keys on the worktop. You don’t live here anymore.” 

His heart plummets into his stomach. He thought he and Paddy were mates now, that things had been sufficiently smoothed over after the incident at his birthday. “Why what’ve I done?” he asks, hoping he can fix it. 

“And neither does your mother,” Paddy adds. 

He feels like his whole life is starting to crumble around him and he only just got back. “Where’s she gone?”

“Not far actually,” Paddy says, swaying a bit. “Just down the road, past the garage. Carl’s place.” 

His stomach turns at the name. “No,” he says, “No way.” 

“Yeah,” Paddy counters, “that’s why you have to leave.” 

“Well why you being like this with me?” Aaron blurts out. Just because his mum messed up, shouldn’t mean he should suffer for it. It’s not fair. 

“Because there’s no other way.”

“I’m on your side,” he pleads. 

“Just pack your bag,” Paddy tells him again. 

“Paddy,” he tries again. “We’re supposed to be mates.” 

“Not anymore,” Paddy sighs. Not even the slight tinge of sadness in his voice is enough to save Aaron from feeling crushed, feeling like he doesn’t have a home anymore. 

\---

Robert feels like a bit of a stalker, still standing outside Paddy’s. It’s not like he’s got his ear pressed to the door or anything but he knows it’s not going to go well. In his pocket, his phone buzzes again. He told Andy he’d be back ages ago but he can’t leave without talking to Aaron first. If only he had let him pick him up from the airport. Then he had avoided him when he got out of the cab. He didn’t understand what exactly he had done to piss him off so much. 

The door swings open, practically into him, and he jumps back only to have Aaron barreling into him, fists clenched at his sides, veins bulging in his neck. He throws his hands up to stop him. “Whoa, whoa!” he says. “Are you okay?” 

“Eh?” Aaron looks at him, his face contorted. “That’s why you wanted to pick me up?” 

“What?” 

“You knew!” Aaron shouts at him. 

Robert knew it wouldn’t be easy being the messenger in all of this, but he hadn’t quite thought Aaron would be this upset with him. “I wanted to tell you before-”

“Before what, Robert!” he yells, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “Before I found out I don’t have a home anymore! Fuck! When did you find out?” 

“When everyone else did,” Robert tells him, staring down at his feet. “Paddy came into the pub…”

“When?” 

“‘Bout a week ago,” he sighs.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Aaron raises his voice again. “I could’ve come home. I could have done something!” 

He tries to reach his hands out to calm Aaron down, but he flinches out of range. “It wouldn’t have mattered,” he starts.

“Why didn't you do anything?” Aaron asks him. “You knew I was worried. Why didn't you stop it!” 

Trying again, he grabs Aaron by the shoulders, wanting to pull him into a hug or something, he’s not even sure he knows. He just wants Aaron not to be hurting like this. “Aaron, I-”

Hard knuckles dig into his chest as Aaron’s fists come up and he pushes him off. “Forget it!” he cuts him off and knocks into his shoulder as he storms off in the direction of the Mill. Robert wouldn’t want to be Chas right now. 

\---

His footsteps are heavy, heart pounding in his ears and his head is wrecked. Aaron wants to be angry at Robert for not telling him. Hating him is easier than thinking that he wanted to protect him, or that he might have been about to hug him back there. He focuses on the Mill instead, coming up fast as he stalks down the road. Why did his mum have to ruin everything? She left him before and the next eight years of his life were hell and now she was doing it again, and with fucking Carl King. He would only hurt her again, he was sure of it, and then where would they be. 

Hands balled up into fists, he slams them on the door of the Mill, making the wood rattle in the frame. He hits it again and this time the lock breaks in the door and it flies open. Following the momentum inside, he feels the rage coursing through him, swinging his head this way and that, looking for his mum. 

“Where are you, you little tart?” he shouts and then he sees them both coming from the kitchen and he loses it completely, lunging at her. 

Carl has his hands all over him, pushing him back and he wants to punch him in the face until he’s bloody and broken, but he’s too intent on telling his mum exactly what he thinks of her. She’s moaning on about how she was trying to get a hold of him but he doesn’t care.

“Why did you do it?” he screams at her. 

“Mate,” Carl says like he thinks that’s going to get him far. His hands are on his chest again, shoving him away from his mum. “Let her explain.”

Knocking his hands away, Aaron squares up to him. “Don’t call me mate,” he warns. 

“I’ll deal with this Carl,” Chas cries out.

“I was right from the start, weren’t I?” Aaron tells her, trying to control his breathing. With Carl out of the way, he steps toward her, feeling all the muscles in his body taut like he could snap at any moment. “You’re a selfish, cheating little slapper!” 

Carl has his hands on him again, gripping around his bicep and tugging him away from her again. “Hey,” he tries to diffuse the situation. 

“Aaron please,” Chas pleads with him. “I never meant to hurt you, I love ya.” 

Wrenching free of Carl’s grasp once again, he tells her the truth, ignoring the sad, pitiful look on her face. “Well I hate ya. I’d be better off without a mum!” He barely knows what it’s like having one anyway, he thinks bitterly as he leaves her behind for a change. 

\---

Chas’s big plan was to have him stay at Zak and Lisa’s, crammed in tight with what felt like a dozen other Dingles. Uncle Zak had sat him down when he first drifted in, put a can in his hand and tried to give him some big meaningful chat based on Lisa’s suggestion. He didn’t care then and he still doesn’t care now. He knows he’s lucky to have a family like the Dingles, a family that always looks after their own, but he feels anything but lucky right now. His mum just ditched him, again, and this time she even decided she had to get out of the country. When he had heard that she and Carl had driven off in one of the haulage trucks, he tried not to act surprised or bothered but it had stung, a lot. 

He lays on the bed in Chas’s old room here, earbuds stuffed in his ears and music blaring. Eyes closed, he lets himself drift, tries to think about nothing, wants to think about nothing. There are too many thoughts in his head. He thinks about Chas off on holiday with Carl, not thinking about him at all. He thinks about the bin bag full of his stuff that Uncle Zak had brought back from Paddy’s. If his whole life can fit in a bin bag, and get tossed out like trash, than what did that make him? He was just starting to feel settled at Paddy’s and hates being uprooted again. Zak had talked about a man needing his stuff around him to feel like he’s home. He’d never been anywhere long enough or felt safe enough anywhere for it to be a home. Paddy’s had felt like it could be and now he’d lost that too. 

There’s also Robert, persistent and ever present in his mind. He hasn’t talked to him since the day he got back, even though he’s tried to reach out. At least once or twice every day, he gets a text from him, checking to see if he’s okay and he’s even come around to Wishing Well, but Aaron found a way to slip out without seeing him. He doesn’t even know what to make of the situation but every time his phone pings, his heart jumps a little. 

In the space between where one song ends and the next begins, he hears a soft knock at his door. Groaning, he shouts to leave him alone but the voice he hears on the other side of it is Belle’s, soft and timid, and he can’t refuse her. She reminds him of Liv. Rolling over, he slides off the bed, his ipod still laying on the mattress and tugging the earbuds out of his ears. 

“What?” he asks as he opens the door. 

“Robert’s here again,” she says. “I know you’re trying to avoid him but you can use all the mates you can get.” 

Aaron shakes his head. She’s the youngest but she’s the smartest of all of them, he’s sure of it. Following her down the stairs, he sees Robert standing there awkwardly wedged in between the dining table and Shadrach slobbing out on the sofa with a can in his hand and his bare feet propped up on the coffee table. He’s in his leather jacket as usual, his hands buried in his pockets. Aaron can’t help but think how out of place he looks here. He might be a farm boy, but he escaped for a while and he doesn’t fit in this shabby disaster the Dingles call home. Looking up, he smiles when he see him, not his usual smug grin but a real smile, open and reassuring. Aaron hopes that means that despite everything, they really are still mates. 

Grabbing his hoodie, he nods for him to follow. “Let’s get out of here,” he says. 

“Works for me,” Robert replies. 

Robert drives them to the edge of an old quarry and Aaron doesn’t really understand. The ride was quiet, like neither of them really knew what to say to the other. As Robert puts the car into park, Aaron opens the door and slides out, kicking at the loose rocky earth below as he makes his way to the drop off. Looking down, he has a fleeting thought about what it would be like to just step off, feel weightless for a moment before it was all over. He doesn’t have time to entertain the thought for long before Robert is there by his side and he feels steadier again. A rock is pressed into the palm of his hand and he watches Robert pull his arm back and toss his own stone into the quarry below, the far away echo of its landing making him rethink the idea of jumping. 

“Andy and I used to come here when we were kids,” Robert tells him and Aaron knows he doesn’t talk a lot about his past. This feels significant. “Throw rocks of the edge, blow off steam. Thought you might like it.” 

He nods, doesn’t trust himself to speak. He thumbs over the rough texture of the rock in his hand, feeling the scrape of it against his skin. Winding up, he chucks it into the quarry. Robert hands him another and he throws it harder, the sounds of the echo getting louder with each stone he throws. After every throw, Robert is there, pressing another rock into his hand, letting him take all his pent up anger out on them as they fly through the air. There are tears pricking at the corners of his eyes but he doesn’t want to cry in front of him. He can feel all the rage and frustration and confusion pouring through his throwing arm. By the time he feels like he’s done, he’s worn out, feels like he’s been through war. 

“Sorry,” he sighs as he drops to the ground, letting his legs dangle dangerously over the edge of the cliff. 

“What for?” Robert asks as he joins him, leaning back on his hands. 

“Dunno, shouting at you the other day. Blaming you…” He’s not quite sure what to say. He’s sorry for the text too but he doesn’t want to bring that up, hopes Robert forgot about it. 

“It happened the night of Katie’s birthday,” Robert says quietly, his voice softer than he’s ever heard it. “Before you even left. There wasn’t anything anyone could have done.”

“How’d you…” he can’t even finish the thought, thinking about how his mum hadn’t come home that night. He had just assumed she’d stayed at Katie’s and she hadn’t corrected him. Then she’d shooed him off to Ibiza. He hated her even more now. 

“Just what I heard,” Robert says. “I’m so sorry Aaron.” 

“I should’ve known,” Aaron says. “I should’ve known she’d do something like this eventually. Everyone’s always leaving me and she’s the first out the door. I’d finally, FINALLY, started settling at Paddy’s and now-” 

“You don’t like it at Zak and Lisa’s?” Robert asks, genuine, concerned. 

“They’re all right, I mean I know they care and all, but…” he stops, trying to make sense of it in his head, “It’s not home...you know?” 

“Yeah,” Robert says.

Aaron almost believes he understands, even though he couldn’t possibly. There’s so much more to it. He felt safe at Paddy’s, safe in a way he hadn’t since he was seven. He could trust Paddy and that feeling went a long way toward making Smithy Cottage feel like it could be his home. The scrape of skin against the ground brings his attention to Robert’s hand. He wipes it off on his jeans, dirt and small stones brushed free, and then brings it up, placing it on his shoulder. The weight settles there and Aaron’s not even sure he’s breathing. When he squeezes tight for a moment, his heart feels like it’s been jump started and he has to bite down hard on his lip to keep from having a reaction. There’s a part of him that wants to lean into Robert’s side, have his arm around both of his shoulders pulling him in close and safe. That part of him scares the hell out of him. 

“So,” Robert says suddenly, catching him off guard like he had forgotten that words were even a thing. “You’d rather live at Paddy’s then?” 

It takes him a few moments before he even manages to nod. “Doesn’t even wanna know me anymore though,” he’s finally able to say. 

There’s a glint in Robert’s eye that has him equal parts excited and terrified as he says, “Well then, we’ll just have to figure out a way to convince him.” 

\---

The door to the surgery looms large in front of him as he tries to borrow some of Robert’s confidence that this ridiculous plan is going to work. He wants to think that Paddy will care but if he’s honest, he’s not sure why he would. He’s nothing to Paddy, so why would he want him hanging around? Taking a deep breath, he pushes door open to find Paddy and Pearl going on about something or other. Pearl immediately looks affronted at his mere presence. 

“Paddy, alright pal?” Aaron says as he comes into the room, trying to act casual. 

“What’d you want?” Paddy asks, already turning away from him. 

“Nothing,” he says, playing it cool. 

“Good!” 

“You look awful,” Aaron says when Paddy starts walking away. Just keep him talking, that’s what Robert had told him. 

Paddy turns. “Do I?” he says. “Well if you must know, I was up all last night, celebrating. So I shall see you, around.” He waves his finger in a circle at him like he thinks he’s being clever. 

Pearl’s still looking at him like he’s scum, like she wants to protect Paddy from him. He needs to get them out of here and away from her. “Thought I’d better come and walk Clyde.”

“Well I’ll go and get him then,” Paddy agrees. 

He times getting back from the walk with Paddy getting back from his callout, waiting until his car pulls up before he starts walking toward the cottage with Clyde. Paddy comes over to take the leash from him, but he follows him to the door, reaching down to give Clyde another scratch behind the ears. 

“Missed me, haven’t ya boy?” he says. He certainly missed him while he was on holiday and since he’s been up at Zak and Lisa’s. 

“Well it’s nice to be wanted,” Paddy says dejectedly. 

“Well listen,” he starts, trying his own tactic first before he resorts to Robert’s dramatics. “He’s my dog, it seems stupid, him being down here while I’m up with Zak and Lisa.”

“No,” Paddy says, voice sharp. “Absolutely not. I will not send Clyde up to live at that zoo.” 

“Exactly,” Aaron tries to reason with him. “So that’s why I should move back here.”

“Wha-eh-I-I’m sorry?” Paddy stumbles through the question. 

“Well it makes sense don’t it? He’s my dog. You shouldn’t have to look after him.”

“Yeah and I shouldn’t have to look after you,” Paddy says, sticking a finger in his face to drive the point home. “You’re Chas’s! And in case you’d forgotten Chas-”

Well this wasn’t going as he’d hoped; he’ll have to try Robert’s plan after all. Paddy goes to open the door and Aaron reaches out and shuts it again. “Listen,” he tells him, “I don’t want anything to do with Chas either. I just wanna live ‘ere!” 

“Well I’m sure you do...and I’d like to be Angelina Jolie’s plaything...I really would, but it’s not going to happen is it, so I’ll see you later.” Aaron’s even missed his terrible analogies, he’s getting soft. 

He follows him into the house. “I didn’t want to leave!” he pleads, trying to rile Paddy up a bit. 

“Aaron! Please! We’ve been through this,” Paddy starts raising his voice and Aaron starts to see the pieces of the plan fall in into place. “Your mum dumped me. If I can’t live with her, why would I want to live with you?” 

It’s mostly what he wanted to hear, but it still hurts. “Because it’s not my fault!” he shouts. “I warned you about me mum. I told you not to go on that stupid vet’s course, but you did, because you’re an idiot!”

Paddy looks at the floor and then back up at him. “What happened, was always gonna happen.”

“You shouldn’t’ve gone Paddy! I told you that!” He turns toward the door for a second and then back to Paddy, shaking his head and he sees Paddy’s guilty looking face, sees that Robert was right. “And now you’ve gone ruined everything!” 

Grabbing Clyde’s leash, he walks out of the house, trying to look upset but determined. He doesn’t have to try. Quickly, he makes his way back up to Wishing Well, knowing everyone else is out but Shadrach who’s in the same place he always is, the same place he left him earlier, can in hand in front of the telly. Storming past him, he climbs the steps two at a time and grabs his already packed bag and the thunders back down. Shadrach barely registers his presence but he needs him to. 

“I’ve gotta get away,” he tells him. “Paddy, he...I’ve gotta get as far away from him as possible. And me mum.” 

“Alright lad, you do what you need to do,” Shadrach said as he shooed him out of the way of the screen. 

“And I’m never coming back,” Aaron adds as he heads to the door, slamming it behind him. Clyde jumps a little at the sound and he quickly drops to his side. “‘Salright boy. I didn’t mean to scare you. You’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt you.” He wishes someone could say the same to him. 

\---

The September air is a bit cool for just his hoodie, but it’s not too bad as Aaron stands there on the side of the road, just beyond the village, Clyde sitting at his feet as they watch the cars go by. He’s got his thumb out, half heartedly, but he’s only waiting for one car. It doesn’t take too long for it to come but long enough that he’s starting to get worried. He’s already making contingency plans in his head if this doesn’t work. Shadrach probably won’t even remember what he said if he just goes back now. Or maybe, he could stay at the farm with Robert, he thinks briefly. Mercifully, he sees Paddy’s car driving up the road before he can go too far down that line of thinking. 

Paddy rolls to a stop and puts the window down, Clyde barking at him when he recognizes who it is. “What are you playing at?” he demands. “Where the flippin’ heck do you think you’re going?” 

“Anywhere away from you,” Aaron tells him as he gets out of the car. 

“Well that was well thought through,” Paddy lectures. “You’ve nowhere to say and no means of earning a living.”

“Yeah, like you care,” Aaron says. 

“No, you’re absolutely right, I don’t care,” Paddy says, shaking his head. “That’s why I’ve just cancelled me best client and spent all afternoon looking for you! Of course I care!” 

It warms his heart to hear him say that but Robert told him not to give in too easily or he’d end up right back at Zak and Lisa’s. “Yeah, it felt like it, when you were kicking me out!” 

“Right,” Paddy says, “Get in the car or...I will tranquilize ya.” 

A little further, he thinks. “Go on then!” he baits him. “Go on!” 

“Aaron,” Paddy says, his voice gentler now, reminding him of the soft voice Robert used on him at the quarry, like he’s a wild animal ready to bolt or attack if they’re not careful. He and Clyde have a lot in common. “Please, your life’s here. And your family.”

“Me mum and Carl?” he suggests with an edge. “Yeah right. I don’t fit anywhere.” 

“I’m not talking about your mum...and I’m not talking about Carl. I’m talking about…Clyde.” Paddy points toward the dog. 

“Clyde’s coming with me,” Aaron says, knowing that will help his cause. He knows Paddy has grown quite attached to the german shepherd, the same as him. 

Paddy takes a step forward, trying to be intimidating. “Yeah well you do that, over my dead body.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he says and once he would have meant that, but now…

“Alright then I’m talking about me” Paddy says, giving in finally. “I don’t want Clyde to go...or you.”

“What?” Aaron says, scrunching his face like he’s confused. 

“You heard me, I don’t want you to go,” Paddy says again. “I’m not particularly happy about it, but I don’t want you to go.”

“Well I don’t wanna go,” Aaron says and he thinks he’s sealed the deal. 

Paddy tells him to get in the car and when they get back he offers him a brew if he’ll feed Clyde. For a vet, he’s gotten lazy while Aaron’s been away because there’s only bargain brand dog food and he knows Clyde hates that. There’s not much in the way of food for humans either and he’s not sure he can put up with Paddy’s ramblings about Marlon and his bolognese so he offers to nip down to the shop to get something in. 

“And by the way, I want that cupboard there for my stuff,” he adds, pointing it out. 

“You can’t have that cup– you what?” Paddy sounds panicked as he turns around and Aaron starts to get nervous. “Who said you were moving back?”

How was everything falling apart so fast? “Oh come on Paddy! You told me to get in the car! You said you didn’t want me to go.” Maybe he can still salvage this. 

“Yeah, I didn’t say I wanted to live with ya. I just wanted to make sure you were alright!” 

“Yeah and you know I’ll be alright, if I’m here,” Aaron counters. 

“Right,” Paddy says, turning toward him. “Give me two good reasons why I should let you reinfest me house.” 

Aaron half wishes Robert were there feeding him lines. He wasn’t quite prepared for this part. “Right, one, you’re already putting up with Clyde, and I’m a lot better smelling than him,” he says. Maybe he’s wrong going the cheeky route but Paddy’s not throwing him out just yet. “Two, you’re gonna need someone to walk and feed him aren’t ya?”

“And?” 

“And…” he tries to think. Why won’t Paddy just let him stay already? “You’re getting old and you can’t finish a six pack and a deep pan meat feast without...reinforcements!” 

Paddy’s mouth is in a tight line, brow furrowed as he studies him. He turns around, going back to the tea, shaking his head and says, “Is that the best you can do?” 

He sighs, feeling defeated, returning to his contingency plans that now involve dognapping Clyde cause there’s no way he’s leaving him behind. Paddy turns around though and Aaron feels a bit of hope creep into his heart again. 

“No loud music,” he says and Aaron feels like he can breathe again, a little smile spreading across his face. “And I want you in by midnight, every night, or just don’t bother coming home.”

“So does this mean?” He doesn’t want to push too hard anymore, but he needs to know for sure. 

“All it means is you can stay here until you find somewhere a bit more suitable. Or I throw you out on your ear, whichever comes first. Yes, yes you can stay here,” Paddy says finally. 

Leaning against the counter, Aaron tries not to let it show just how relieved he is, how much this means to him. Instead, he tries to play it cool, putting out his fist. “Alright, deal,” he says. 

Paddy doesn’t know how to fist bump apparently though as he awkwardly shakes his fist and says, “Welcome home.” He puts his arms out then and asks, “Do we hug?’

“What?” Aaron pulls back. “No.” 

“Nope, silly question,” Paddy agrees. “I’ll finish the tea if you can go down to the shop.”

Aaron smiles again as he heads toward the door, feeling more of a sense of belonging than he ever has before. He and Paddy chose each other in this, albeit with some help from Robert’s manipulative and strategic mind, and that felt good. 

\---

Aaron finds Robert at the shop, waiting for him after he’d sent him a text. He’d been hanging out in the village anyway, waiting to see how everything went. He sees his blonde hair above the shelves, pacing back and forth but when he sees him, he stops and comes rushing over. 

“Well, how did it go?” he asks eagerly and Aaron doesn’t understand why it matters so much to him. 

“Yeah, I can stay,” he says simply. 

Robert’s eyes light up and reaches out and clasps his hand with Aaron’s, pulling him in for a quick and awkward hug, shoulders and chests bumping and a large hand rubbing up and down his back once, twice and then it’s over. He pulls back like he’s just touched a hot stove, feels like all of his nerve endings have exploded from the contact. Glancing around, he hopes no one saw, even though it was innocent enough, but how he felt about it was wrong. He wanted to do it again, melt into his arms for real, but that wasn’t what this was. Robert backs up as well, his face contorted, brow furrowed, like he can’t believe the hug just happened either. Both of them are staring at their feet. 

“I-I should get the stuff for tea,” he says quickly. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert agrees. He turns to go literally anywhere else in the shop when Robert’s voice stops him. “Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad it worked out.” 

“Me too,” he says and hides his smile as he turns away. He doesn’t know if he could have convinced Paddy without his help. 

As they had sat on the edge of the quarry, Robert had devised his plan. He told him he was sure that Paddy really did care about him, that he only need to be pushed a little into letting him stay. He needed to feel like he would lose him if he didn’t. They needed to have a fight, make him feel guilty for messing everything up and then he needed to walk away, pretend like he was leaving. Robert said he should make up a lie, tell him that he was going away because he didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. It had all worked out, just like he said it would but it all hit far too close to how he really felt. He’d never tell Robert that, that he really didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. His dad had burned all his bridges with him, his mum had left him again, and Zak and Lisa had other concerns, even if they were nice about it. That was changing though. As he had left to go to the shop Paddy had called after him.

“Don’t get too comfortable, you’re making dinner tonight!” 

“Yeah right, in your dreams,” he had bantered back and that time they had both grinned at each other. 

“You’re tea, two sugars?” Paddy had asked and Aaron had felt his heart swell that he actually knew how he took his tea. 

“Yeah,” he had replied.

Things are changing, and as he picks up a can of spaghetti hoops, about the only thing he can make aside from toast, he feels like maybe he’s finally found a home.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chas and Carl return to Emmerdale. Aaron and Robert go to the cinema and it's definitely not a date. Aaron and Robert get revenge on Carl but it doesn't exactly go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this chapter is really long. I had a lot of canon scenes to try and fit in here, plus that much anticipated movie "date". This is the last chapter with major canon scenes that I have to include, so hopefully that means chapters won't take me quite as long to write, but I won't make any promises because I probably won't keep them. But here's nearly 10k for you, enjoy!
> 
> ***Disclaimer*** I did not bother to look into the movie going experience in the UK because this movie date was never a planned thing. So...it could be totally inaccurate, but if it helps, just imagine they all teleported to a theater in NYC and go with it.
> 
> ***Disclaimer 2*** I also have no idea how quad bikes work. Oops.

October 2009

His skin is slick with sweat when he jolts up from his bed, eyes wide, his body shaking with panic. It's a nightmare Aaron hasn't had in a long time, hopes never to have again. The sound of a door creaking open still playing in his head. His mum comes home from her stupid holiday today. If he wanted to, he's sure he could draw the connection but he'd rather not think at all. It's a struggle to push himself up out of bed but there's no way he's going back to sleep now, doesn't even want to close his eyes again. Pulling off his damp clothes, he turns on the shower, turns the heat all the way up till it's practically scalding and gets in, letting hot water pummel his body, like flames licking at his skin. 

He's red by the time he gets out but he feels cleaner, a bit more settled. The sounds of Paddy getting up motivate him to get a move on, not quite sure he's ready for a chat. It doesn't much matter though, Paddy finds him anyway later, as he heads off to work, frighteningly early for a change. He shakes his head at Paddy's attempt at cool, trying to string together as much teenage slang as he possibly can into one sentence. 

“Very good,” he laughs. It's ridiculous but he appreciates the effort. Paddy's been great the last couple weeks. It feels like he's the only one who’s ever properly tried with him, even if he is here pecking his head about being up early. 

“Listen, it's not because, you know…” Paddy starts. When neither of them really have a way with words, it does make these chats hard sometimes. 

“What?”

“You're mum’s coming back today,” Paddy points out. It's not like he needs reminding. “You can talk to me you know.”

There's no way he's pouring out his feelings to him but he appreciates that the offer is there. “Yeah I know.”

“Yeah you know as in you want to talk?” Paddy asks, looking all hopeful. 

“No,” he says. “Yeah I know as in, no, but thanks.” He really is grateful even if he struggles to show it. 

“Don't bottle things up,” Paddy cautions. 

It's what he does though and it works just fine for him, he thinks. “Don't you work up there?” he points up toward the surgery. 

Paddy nods and puts out his hand. They brush the backs of their hands together once, then their palms before finishing with a fist bump. Aaron cracks a smile at that, he’s learning. 

He watches Paddy go and then slopes off to work himself, now at least slightly less early. The sound of a truck rolling by stalls him before he even reaches the garage though and he looks up to see an Emmerdale Haulage truck, his mum and Carl inside, laughing together like they haven't a care in the world. Maybe they don't, Aaron thinks bitterly, they certainly don't care about him. 

\---

He turns the key and the engine revs to life beneath him again, making his whole body vibrate. Robert listens for a moment and then shuts it off again and swings his leg over the side to get off. Opening it up, he tries to get a look at the engine, going through his limited mechanic knowledge in his head. All he know is that it doesn’t quite sound right. He looks up and sees Andy in the doorway of the barn, shaking his head at him. Pulling a very Aaronesque scowl, he goes back to his tinkering with new determination. 

“So, what’s wrong with it then?” Andy asks, ignoring his attempts to ignore him.

He doesn’t know. If he knew, he would have fixed the damn thing by now. “It just sounds a bit spongy that’s all,” Robert tells him. 

“I don’t see why you’re wasting your time messing with it. Why don’t you just see if Aaron can fix it?” Andy suggests. 

Scowling again, he covers the engine and stands up. It’s not like he’s been avoiding Aaron or anything. They’ve hung out plenty over the past two weeks but that stupid hug of his feels like it’s hanging between them. He feels like Aaron’s always two seconds away from bolting if he gets close to him. Why does he always have to go and ruin everything? 

“I can fix it,” he insists. 

Andy just gives him a look and he hates that he knows him that well. 

“Maybe,” he concedes. 

“There’s got to be some benefit to you and Aaron practically being joined at the hip these days,” Andy says. 

Joined at the hip? Are they? Have they become those kind of people? What would Aaron think if he heard that? “You know you’re a lot more understanding of me hanging out with him than you were with Victoria.” 

“Yeah, well you’re not dating him are you?” Andy laughs.

Robert’s stomach drops and he hopes his face doesn’t do the same. He wants to play it off as a joke, banter back, but he can’t really find the words to do so. Instead, he just stands there like an idiot, holding a useless wrench in his hand and hoping the moment will pass. 

“Look, I just don’t fancy that thing,” Andy points at the quad, “cutting out on me when I’m up in the top field. Just go get it sorted properly.” 

“Fine, fine,” he finally manages. 

Andy leaves him be, says he's got too much work on because someone has to do it. Robert takes that for what it is, a dig at him, which is ridiculous considering he just demanded that he go and deal with the quad. It takes him too long on his own to roll it up the ramp into the back of the truck. If he thought for sure it would make it, he would just have ridden the bike down to the village but he's not that confident. 

It's not until he's done, as he's climbing into the front of the truck that Vic comes over. “Oh brilliant!” she says. “You can give me a ride into the village!” 

It's hardly like she would have helped him anyway but he still finds himself sighing with exasperation as he nods for her to get in. 

\---

“At least the truck is clean,” Vic sighs. “Did you know Andy tried to give me a lift in the Range Rover yesterday with a dead sheep in the back seat!”

“Least you didn't have to help him load that dead sheep into the back of the Range Rover,” Robert points out, shuddering at the memory. He'd taken three showers after that and still felt gross. 

“Good point,” Vic said and then out of nowhere asks, “You happy on the farm Rob?”

“What’s brought this on?” he asks, not really sure he wants to answer the question. 

“Just curious. I love having you here and all, don't get me wrong, but you always look like you'd rather be anywhere else.”

Always so perceptive, his little sister. “It's fine Vic. It's what Dad would want anyway.”

“Suppose. He'd be proud of you, you know. ‘Specially you trying to get that supermarket deal,” Vic tells him. 

He hasn't made much headway on that front in a while. That PA still won't give him the time of day. His charm seems to be lost on him. Not that it matters, he's been too focused on Aaron in some way or another anyway. Jack would have hated that, would have hated the conflicting thoughts swirling around in his head every time he was in his presence. “He'd have thought I was as ridiculous for trying as Andy,” he says. 

“No he wouldn't,” Vic insists as they pull up to the garage. 

Aaron’s the first thing he sees and he looks like he's in the middle of a fight with the car he's working on. Robert can see the tense set of his shoulders, the scowl on his face, the way he's gripping the spanner in his hand, all white knuckles and rage. He can't make out the words he's saying but he would bet on some string of curses and finally he slams his foot into the tire like it's personally offended him. 

Robert swings down from the truck and waves to get his attention. “You look like you could use a distraction.” He points to the quad bike in the back as Victoria gets out as well. 

Aaron's barely coherent as he grunts some kind of greeting and gestures for him to get the bike down. He had expected Vic to leave once they'd arrived but it seems she's perfectly happy to hang around them while they do all the hard work. He loves his sister, but he really doesn’t want her around right now, especially not with Aaron looking so upset. Since moving back in with Paddy, Aaron had been doing a lot better these days. He hopes nothing has happened to mess that up. 

“So what’s wrong with it?” Aaron finally manages to speak real words once they’ve got the bike unloaded. 

Debbie’s tucked away in the garage, glaring at them. She doesn’t look pleased Aaron is helping him out instead of working on her cars. Focusing on Aaron, Robert tries not to think about his own mistakes with Debbie back before he left. He really is a screw up and he accepts that mostly, but he doesn't want to be that way with Aaron. 

“Dunno,” he says. “That’s why I brought it to you.” 

“See and I thought you said you used to be a mechanic,” Aaron quips, more bite to his tone than usual. He’s definitely not having a good day. 

“He does have a point, Rob,” Vic adds in. 

“Yeah, well, guess I never was very good,” he sighs, ignoring his sister. 

“Robert Sugden and his massive ego, admitting he’s not good at something?” Aaron mocks him, eyes wide with feigned shock. 

“Well, considering the look on your face when we pulled up, I thought you could use some cheering up. Deflating my massive ego seems to be doing the trick,” Robert says. 

Finally, Aaron cracks a smile at that and he feels like he’s done his bit. “Right, then, let’s get on with it,” he says and crouches down to take a look. 

Robert sits on the back of the truck, watching Aaron work, trying not to watch too closely because Debbie’s still inside and Vic won’t seem to leave. She just keeps hovering around, pestering them with questions, which seems to be annoying Aaron more than anything else. The wind is blowing at his hair, seeping into his open jacket. He zips it up against the October chill and leans back on his hands again, peering around Aaron’s shoulder to get a look at what he’s doing with the engine. Maybe he could learn a few things if he paid attention. Of course there were other things he was paying attention to more instead, even if he knew he shouldn't. 

“So, you two doing anything later?” Vic asks. 

Aaron barely looks up from his work but Robert thinks about it, remembering seeing it in the paper Andy had out on the table this morning during breakfast. “That film’s playing,” he says. 

“What film?” Aaron asks, still tinkering. 

“Zombieland,” he reminds him. “You did say you would go with me.” 

“Did, didn’t I?” Aaron sighs, glancing back at him finally. “When?”

“Today?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Aaron says, turning back to the engine. 

“Can I come?” Vic asks. 

“No!” they both say in unison. 

“Jeez!” she says. “Sorry I asked. Proper boys club! Well fine, I wouldn’t want to intrude on your big date!”

Both of them look up at her at the word ‘date’. Robert feels like his heart stops in his chest, feels like he can’t breathe for a moment. It’s the second time one of his siblings has mentioned him dating Aaron in one day, but in front of Aaron, it feels even worse. If one stupid hug could make things a bit awkward, then this could be catastrophic. Did he ask Aaron out on a date though? Is that what he wanted this to be? His head really was a mess these days. 

Vic just laughs and Robert’s brain connects that she’s joking, knows that’s what this is. He just hopes that Aaron takes it that way too, because of course it is. Aaron would never want to date him. He dated Victoria for god’s sake. “You two should really do something about your faces,” Vic says, backing away. “See yas later!” 

\---

Date? Did Robert just ask him out on a date? Of course not. Robert had been through half the women in the village, he’d never look twice at him. Did he want it to be a date? No, maybe, no, definitely not. Aaron glances back at Robert who looks like he’s gonna be sick at the thought. He feels the same really, because he’s not gonna be like that, walking down the street with some guy, holding hands or summat. He’s never gonna be part of that freakshow, never gonna let his dad win like that. Turning back to the engine, he forces himself to think about someone more appropriate. Scarlet still hasn’t started seeing anyone else ever since Daz left. He really should ask her out, not that she’d give him the time of day either. In any case, she was technically Carl’s sister and he didn’t want anything to do with that family. 

“Sorry about her,” Robert tells him, coming around to the other side of the bike now that Vic’s gone. He still looks pale and the words are strained. “You know Vic, always winding people up.” 

“Must run in the family,” Aaron says, trying to keep the mood light. Robert’s his mate and he wants to keep it that way. 

“Hilarious,” Robert smiles at him, and Aaron drinks it in like sunshine on this gray day they’re having. He can’t seem to stop himself. 

Gravel shifts and they both look over and see Chas inching closer, hands stuffed in her pockets, Yorkshire wind, whipping at her hair. “Hello again,” she says, her voice more hopeful than Aaron thinks she has any right to be. “I’m back.” 

Aaron ignores her, turns back to the quad engine and stares at it, anything to avoid dealing with her. He had hoped that she would just stay away from him. Now he was back at Paddy’s, he didn’t need her anymore, didn’t want her around, not if she was going to be with Carl. 

“Suddenly your mood earlier makes perfect sense,” Robert whispers and he's glad Robert gets it. He always seems to. 

“You got a minute?” Chas asks. 

“No he doesn’t,” Robert answers for him and while he can answer perfectly well for himself, he kind of likes Robert sticking up for him. 

“I wasn’t speaking to you,” Chas sneers at him. “I was speaking to my son.” 

“And I’m busy,” he says, knowing she’s just going to keep hanging around unless he gets out of here. 

“Well I’ll clear it with Debbie,” Chas says. 

“Do what you like, I won’t be here,” he tells her and looks up at Robert. “You still wanna go see that film?” 

“Yeah,” Robert says. “Let’s go.” 

He shrugs at Debbie and says, “I’ll make up the time, promise.” 

She shakes her head at him but lets him go, as they climb into Robert’s truck, leaving Chas behind. He knows Debs won't be happy with him for this but if there's anyone that understands having a difficult relationship with their mother, it's her. Charity’s just as much of a nightmare. 

\---

They arrive at the cinema in Hotten way too early for the next showing but there's nothing else to do. Robert ends up buying his ticket and springing for a popcorn and a coke for him because he's skint. Aaron swears he’ll pay him back when he gets his wages from Debbie, but Robert brushes him off. 

“It's fine, Aaron. Don't worry about it,” he tells him but he looks shifty about it so Aaron decides he will make sure to get him the money. 

They have to wait a bit for the cleaning crew to finish after the last showing before they can go in so they end up sitting on the floor, making a start on their popcorn. It's quiet between them, was on the drive too, but even if it was just an escape from his mum, he does actually think he wants to be here. It's most definitely not a date though, not that he has a whole lot of them to compare it to. 

“So Chas is back,” Robert says, stating the obvious. 

“Wish she'd stayed away,” he sighs, leaning back against the wall. “Better off without a mum.”

He expects a response from Robert but he's quiet instead, staring deep into his popcorn bag. Vaguely, he remembers the stories about Sarah Sugden from Vic when they used to be better friends. She'd died in a fire years ago and now he's put his foot in it. Swallowing thickly, he opens his mouth to try and say something, anything. 

“It's alright,” Robert finally says. “If I had a mum like yours I'd probably feel the same.”

“Just don't know why she had to go and pick flippin’ Carl King. I don't trust him,” Aaron says, scooping out another handful of popcorn and stuffing his face. “Not that I care,” he adds still chomping away, butter pooling at the corners of his mouth.

“No, course not,” Robert looks him over like he doesn't believe a word he's saying. 

“Just wish I could teach him a lesson or summat. Wipe that smug smile of his face,” he muses as he wipes the butter off his face with the back of his hand. “Cut the brakes on one of his stupid trucks maybe.”

“All clear,” one of the cinema employees says as they walk by, broom and dustpan in hand. 

“Cheers,” Robert says as he gets up. 

The screen is still dark when they go in but it soon comes alive with some add for women’s razors he cares nothing about as they decide where to sit. He watches Robert glance toward the back row, thoughtful for a moment, and then he directs them toward the center of the theater. Back rows are usually for couples that spend half the film making out instead of watching. Following Robert down the row toward the middle, he finds himself distracted by the perfect view of the way his jeans hug his hips, the curve of his…

“Shit!” he curses as his leg hits the arm of one of the seats and he topples forward into Robert’s back, his half eaten bag of popcorn flying to the floor. He manages to keep a solid grip on the cup of coke even if a few drops slosh out of the straw and onto his arm. 

“You okay?” Robert laughs as he turns around and helps keep him upright, strong hands tight around his biceps. 

Aaron feels his face turning bright red and he wishes he were in that haulage truck with the brakes he wants to cut, hurtling forward into oncoming traffic with no way to stop. Brushing a few kernels of popcorn from his hoodie, Robert gets him sat down and puts his coke alongside his in the cup holder. He kicks away the fallen popcorn from around their feet under the seats in front of them, something for that worker to clean up after their showing he supposes. 

“Yeah,” Aaron sighs, trying to keep his breathing under control. “Guess so. Popcorn’s not.”

Robert picks up his own bag, nestled safely in his folded seat and sits down. Reaching across the armrest he holds the bag, still mostly full, under his nose. “It's alright...you can have some of mine,” he says, a slight shake to his voice. Aaron wonders what he's possibly got to be nervous about. 

“Th-thanks.” He can't believe he just stuttered. God, he was turning into Paddy! Still, he reaches into the offered bag and scoops out a handful of popcorn. 

The razor ad has changed over and now there's just light music playing in the background. Coldplay, ugh, Aaron thinks, but keeps his thoughts to himself. For all he knows, Robert might love Coldplay. They've never really talked about their musical tastes. 

“Ooh trivia!” Robert says excitedly and Aaron looks closer at the screen to see the question. He has absolutely no idea. “Jurassic Park!” Robert answers and of course he turns out to be right. “Loved that movie when I was a kid.”

“Yeah,” Aaron says, watching the way his face lights up when he talks about it. “Dinosaurs are cool I suppose.” He thinks about that time he spent all afternoon in the library researching fossils because he had found one on the beach. Yeah, dinosaurs were definitely cool. 

“Viggo Mortensen,” Robert blurts out and Aaron glances back up at the screen, waiting for the answer, because again, he has no idea. He’s right again and Aaron looks over at him, raising an eyebrow. “What? It’s Lord of the Rings!” 

Laughing, Aaron leans back, relaxing a bit in his seat as he listens to Robert rattle off more answers, right every time. He had never realized how much of a film geek Robert was, but he found the contradiction endearing. They’re both grinning by the time the trivia ends and adverts for tv shows start playing. A familiar theme song draws his eyes away from Robert’s smile and as he looks back at the screen, his face drops a bit. 

“What is it?” Robert asks. 

“Nothing...just a show my mum watches. Always has to be in front of the telly for it,” he sighs. 

He watches Robert’s grin fade too and he hates that he did that, that he brought him back down to his misery. “I am really sorry you’re going through all this, Aaron,” he says in that soft voice of his, the sincerity making him feel things he doesn’t want to. “Families eh?” 

Aaron nods. “The Kings more like,” he adds. “Your lot had trouble with them too didn’t they?”

Robert’s smile returns, mischievous this time though as he lets out a little chuckle. “Yeah, you should ask Jimmy about pitchforks sometime.” 

“Pitchforks?” he perks up. Now he’s interested. 

Holding up four fingers, Robert drives them toward his chest, stops just short of touching him, but still Aaron’s breath hitches in his throat. “Right through his chest!” 

“No way!” Aaron says.

“Probably couldn’t look at farm equipment for years after,” Robert laughs. 

Other people are starting to come into the theater but Aaron barely pays them any attention. He’s too wrapped up in Robert as they trade stories back and forth. Before long, their knees are pressed together and their arms are both on the armrest, touching from forearm to shoulder. There aren’t any popcorn mishaps but they do both go to get a drink of their coke at the same time and bump foreheads together. Aaron feels his face flush red but Robert laughs it off and he can’t help himself but join in. Even with everything else going on, he hasn’t felt this calm in a while. 

“Don’t you two look cosy.” 

Aaron stiffens at the familiar voice, all of a sudden all to aware of every inch of his body that’s connected with Robert’s right now and instead of making him feel buzzed and happy, he feels nauseous. Steeling himself, he looks up and sees Paddy towering over him with Marlon peering over his shoulder. Upon confirming his suspicions, he pulls away immediately, straightening himself up in his seat. Robert does the same, neither of them really looking at each other. ‘Cosy’? Did they look cosy? What exactly did Paddy see? He’s taking too long to respond. He’s going to know what this was. Aaron didn’t even know what this was. 

“This coming from the man I caught crying over Prince of Tides with Marlon last week,” he says, trying to deflect. 

“We agreed never to talk about that again, mate,” Paddy whispers. Robert snorts beside him, muttering ‘Prince of Tides’ to himself. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Aaron deflects again. He doesn’t want to talk about Chas. 

“Well I was,” Paddy tells him as he and Marlon sit down beside him and Robert. Aaron feels like he wants to be anywhere but here right now. “But then a client can-cancelled and your mum...well Chas showed up and…” 

One mention of her name and Aaron’s hand is gripped so tightly around his coke that the lid pops off. “What did she want?” he sneers. 

“W-well mostly to talk about you, really,” Paddy says. “She’s not too pleased you’re stopping at mine.” 

“Well she left me, left us. She doesn’t exactly get a say,” Aaron says, his voice getting louder, drawing attention from the people in the row in front of them. “I hope you told her to do one.” 

“Well not in so many words, but yeah, sort of,” Paddy says. “Anyway, Marlon thought he’d cheer us up by bringing us here.” 

“Didn’t think to see you here, Aaron,” Marlon butts in. “Thought zombie movies weren’t really your thing.” 

Robert shifts beside him. “We didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to,” he says. 

He’s using that soft voice again that usually makes him melt a bit but now it makes him itch at the collar of his hoodie. What does all this look like? The lights are getting dimmer and the previews are about to start. Everything that was making him feel relaxed before, Robert’s knee brushing against his, their shoulders bumping as they try and get comfortable again after the interruption, are just causing him to panic. His stomach is churning, all the popcorn he managed to consume feeling like it’s all going to come back up. He can’t do this, sit here for a whole film between Paddy and Robert. He can’t do it. 

He’s on his feet before he realizes it and someone behind him is shouting at him to sit down. “Bog,” he says quickly and starts pushing his way past Robert and out of the row, cursing Robert for picking the seats at the very center. He hears Paddy calling after him vaguely but he’s too focus on getting out of there to care. His hoodie feels like it’s about to strangle him and as soon as he’s out into the main part of the theater, he tears it off. Breathing ragged, he looks around for the toilet and rushes toward it. Mercifully, no one is inside, so he splashes water across his face and grips onto the side of the sink, trying to calm down. He should have just stayed put. This was only going to make things look worse. 

“Aaron?” He glances up through blurry eyes to see the outline of Robert standing in the doorway. “You okay?” 

He nods, swallows down the bile in his throat and blinks away any tears that might have gotten any questionable ideas. “Fine, yeah,” he says and hopes his voice is steady. His heart is beating too loud in his ears to hear. “Just needed to…you know. You should go back, watch the movie. You wanted to see it.” 

“Nah, it’s alright,” Robert says, inching toward him and Aaron wants to run but it’s only them. “I’ll see it another time. Let’s just get out of here.” 

\---

Fingers fumbling, he flicks on the radio in the truck, but Aaron makes a face at the Taylor Swift song that comes on so he turns it off. He hates the silence though. The silence lets him think about what just happened, how uncomfortable he had made Aaron feel in that theater. Of course he would take offense at Paddy saying they looked ‘cosy’. He really had to stop ruining things between them. Aaron is slumped against the window, staring out at the Yorkshire hills rolling by as they drive back to Emmerdale. He looks miserable and Robert wonders how much of that is to do with Paddy’s comment and how much of that was Chas. He hates what she’s done to him and he hates Carl King. 

In some ways he’s relieved that they left. He’s not sure he could have sat there beside Paddy and Marlon for the whole movie, feeling like their every move was being watched. Still, those brief moments when they were in their own little world had felt perfect. His whole right side still feels like it's sparking with electricity from where it was pressed up against Aaron’s. Until Paddy had ruined it, Aaron hadn't seemed to mind the closeness but he probably hadn't noticed. Then it had been pointed out and he had pulled away immediately, not that Robert hadn't been far behind him. It was one thing when it was just them, but the thought of anyone knowing he liked Aaron like that, even and maybe especially Aaron, had him running scared. 

Pulling back into the garage, Robert sees the quad still sitting there in the same place. At least Aaron can finish his work day now, keep Debbie off his back. Ryan’s in now, bent over the engine of some pitiful car that doesn’t even look worth fixing. As they climb out of the truck, Ryan shakes his head at Aaron, hardly looking pleased at his extended break. Robert just wishes that the break could have been longer, that Paddy and Marlon hadn’t shown up. 

“You still want to work on the quad?” Aaron asks him as he goes to retrieve his overalls that he’d thrown over the seat, putting them back on. 

“As opposed to all the actual work you should be doing instead of swanning off all day with Sugden,” Ryan says. 

“Of course,” Robert says, more to Ryan than Aaron as he walks over to join him at the quad bike. 

Ryan rolls his eyes and goes back to work. Debbie must be on a break or something but he wishes she were here instead of Ryan. There’s no reason for him to feel jealous of him, but sometimes Robert can’t help it when he sees him around the village with Katie, living the life he could have had. He was always a screw up. The tense atmosphere he’d caused between him and Aaron right now was far from the first time he’d done something stupid. 

They’re not at it long, working in relative silence, well mostly Aaron working and Robert watching, when Carl strolls up to the garage like he owns the place. “You got a minute?” he has the nerve to ask. 

Aaron stands, straightens up and looks him in the eye. “Not for you.” 

“Leave it, hey lads,” Ryan says as he inches closer, not wanting anything to get out of hand. 

“Guess I’ll just wait around until you do,” Carl tells him, rocking back on his feet like he has no intention of going anywhere.

“Go on,” Ryan encourages, gesturing from Aaron to Carl. 

“What, he’s just suppose to jump is he?” Robert cuts in. “If you wanna say something, Carl, say it.” 

“What are you, Sugden? His bodyguard?” Carl sneers. 

Robert expects Aaron to bristle at that, but he stands his ground. “No, go on, say what you’re gonna say.” 

Carl looks a bit antsy and Robert revels in it. He had clearly wanted to get Aaron alone for this little chat but that wasn’t going to happen now. “You’re mum’s really upset,” he says finally. 

“What and I’m not?” Aaron shoves his hands in the pockets of his overalls, trying to look like he doesn’t care. 

“Not as much as you’re crackin’ on, no, I don’t think ya are,” Carl takes a step forward and Robert can feel himself move around the quad, just in case he needs to get between them. “I think the more trouble there is, the more you like it.” 

“Then you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought you were, aren’t ya?” Aaron says, chin held high, but Robert can see him cracking at the seams. He knows how much all this has hurt him and he could kill Carl for making light of it all. 

Carl grins, looks like he’s gonna make some smart retort but Robert moves a bit closer and it seems like he reconsiders. “I’m just asking you to give your mum a bit less stick while we sort a few things out, that’s all.” 

“What’s to sort?” Aaron snaps at him. 

“You siding with Paddy, for a start!” Carl finally raises his voice and Robert can see he’s getting agitated. 

“What instead of with you?”

“Instead of seeing things from your mum’s side. Your mum was kidding herself being with Paddy.” 

“Paddy’s twice the bloke you are,” Aaron tells him, getting into his personal space. 

“You might see it that way,” Carl says and then leans in close, “but your mother doesn’t.” He pauses and Robert wants to punch him even though he’s hardly the punching type. “Just talk to her,” he adds. 

“Hang on,” Aaron says, “it weren’t five minutes since you were telling me to back off. Whose idea is it?” 

“Well it’s not your mum’s,” Carl explains. “She doesn’t even know I’m here.” 

“But you wanna be able to go back and tell her you sorted it out all nice and tidy,” Aaron says, fists clenched at his sides. “We can all start playing happy families. Well sorry, it ain’t gonna happen.” He goes to push past him but Carl puts a hand on his chest and pulls him back. Robert is about two seconds from throttling him but Aaron’s got it covered. “Touch me again pal, I’ll slap you silly!” 

Carl grins again, looking half like he wants to test the theory and then walks away, shaking his head. Robert doesn’t understand why can’t just leave him alone. He’s been through enough without Carl piling it on and making it worse. Checking Aaron over, he can see how wound up he is, about to explode if he doesn’t release the mounting tension somehow. If this were any other day, he would reach out, put a hand on his shoulder to steady him, calm him down, but Paddy’s stupid comment keeps him back. 

“I’m gonna have him,” Aaron fumes, veins pulsing in his neck. 

He agrees, something’s got to be done, teach him a lesson. “Come on,” he says.

Aaron follows him as he makes his way past the garage toward the Mill. “What are we doing?” 

“You said you wanted to cut his breaks right?” Robert suggests. 

“We don’t have anything to cut ‘em with,” he points out. 

“We’re not gonna cut them,” Robert says. “You’re a mechanic. What would you do to make it look like an accident?” 

A smile flashes across his face, mischievous and daring, “Unscrew the cable. Let the brake fluid out.” 

Holding up a spanner, Robert smirks back at him. “Exactly.” 

It doesn’t take them long, a shortcut through the bushes and they reach Carl’s car. Aaron slides underneath while Robert keeps watch and unscrews the cable. Once a little of the brake fluid dribbles out, he pulls Aaron up and they sneak out again, back to the garage, back to the quad like nothing happened. Ryan seems to just think he took him off somewhere to calm him down and he’s not about to dispute that fact. Besides, Aaron does appear more settled now. 

“We gonna try this out or what?” Aaron says when he’s finished with the quad. 

Robert nods, goes to get the helmets from the truck but Aaron is already grabbing one and climbing onto the bike. Hesitating for a moment, he shoves his own helmet on and gets onto the back. There’s a long moment where he just stares at his hands while Aaron revs the engine, unsure of what to do but if he doesn’t hang on, he’s going to go flying. With a deep breath, he grabs onto Aaron’s waist, fingers caught in the baggy blue fabric of his overalls. Aaron flinches for a second but steps on the gas anyway and speeds down the road. 

The quad is running perfectly, Robert notes, as Aaron heads up toward the cricket pavilion. He’s going so fast that Robert has to shift forward, grab onto him more tightly to keep from falling off. His arms are wrapped around his middle now, face buried in the hood from his hoodie that’s sticking out the back of his overalls. Once up into the open field, Aaron slams his foot down on the gas all the way, hands wrenching the bike to the side as they do donuts until both of them are dizzy, laughing breathlessly. 

It takes Robert a second to detangle himself from Aaron when they stop, and he’s a bit sad at the loss of contact as he forces himself off the bike altogether. Aaron turns round in the seat, leaning back on the handlebars, gazing up at him. He’d take this over an awkward film any day. 

“How long you think it’ll take?” he asks.

“How long will what take?” Aaron cocks his head, one eyebrow raising slightly.

“The brake fluid. How long will it take?” he specifies. 

“Dunno, depends on how many times he steps on the brakes I suppose,” Aaron says, fidgeting with his hands. “You don’t think my mum will be in the car do you?”

“Nah, looked like she was going off to Charity’s when we were leaving for the cinema earlier,” Robert tells him, remembering seeing her heading in that direction. 

“You sure?” Aaron asks, shifting around in the seat. “I mean I might hate her right now, but she’s still me mum.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’ll be fine,” Robert tries to reassure him but suddenly he’s not so sure himself. He just wanted Carl to pay for hurting Aaron like this but that’s what he always does, act first, think later. 

“But what if it’s not?” Aaron turns around in the seat, pulling his helmet back on. 

“Aaron?” he puts his hand on the handle bars. “It’s fine. He’ll probably notice the leak, stop before it gets bad and go have a moan at Debs or Ryan or summat.” 

Aaron shakes his head, revs the engine again. “We might have gone too far, Robert,” he says and then takes off back toward the village, leaving him standing there like an idiot. 

\---

The thumping of his heart in his ears is louder than the engine of the quad as Aaron races across the bridge and back into the village. He feels bad, just leaving Robert stranded like that, but he didn’t have time to waste. If he can just get back, screw the cable back on, then it’ll be like none of it ever happened. No one will ever have to know how far they went. He hates Chas right now, sometimes he even fleetingly wishes she were dead, but he never really means it, not like this. 

Speeding past the garage he spots Carl’s car driving past the Woolpack. He can’t see he who’s in it, but he can see that there’s more than just the driver. Heart racing even faster, he swerves around the opposite side of the phone booth and cuts them off, hearing a scream as he slams on his own brakes. It’s Jimmy and Nicola that get out of the car and Jimmy is fuming, charging at him, shouting about his baby being in the car. 

“It’s your brakes, there’s fluid all over the floor! Get off! Look!” He pushes Jimmy off of him and points at the tarmac and the spill. 

He’s down on the ground, under the car, screwing the cable back tight before they can even really get a word out. “Whoever screwed this cable on wasn’t suited,” he tells Jimmy. 

When he looks up, Robert’s standing there, cheeks slightly flushed from having to trek back on foot. “What’s happening here?” he asks, playing the innocent. 

“The brake fluid was leaking,” he explains. 

“This is all Carl’s fault!” Nicola screeches from the other side of the car. Maybe this was going to work out in his favor after all. 

“Well he didn’t know!” Jimmy defends his brother. “I mean I never saw it.” 

“Well I wouldn’t have either,” Aaron says, “If I hadn’t seen you down by the garage.” 

“Lucky you passed when you did,” Robert says. “Hero and all what with a baby on board.” 

“Yeah, thanks kid,” Jimmy tells him, reaching out to shake his hand. 

With Robert’s help, they push the car down to the garage to get it ‘properly’ looked over at Jimmy’s request via Nicola’s bullying. Debbie’s back now and is less than thrilled with his earlier skiving but Jimmy’s going on and on about him being a hero so she lets him off the hook. Finally, he feels like he can breathe again. He doesn’t know what he would have done if anything had actually happened to Jimmy or Nicola or the baby for that matter. 

“Sorry for leaving you back there,” Aaron tells Robert as they walk back to retrieve the quad. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Robert says with an easy smile. “You were right. We probably did go too far.” 

“It’s alright. You were only trying to help and hey, now I’m a hero thanks to you,” he forces out a chuckle, trying not to let the gravity of what could have happened weigh on him too heavily. It was fine. He’d stopped it. 

“You gonna be alright?” Robert asks and there’s that soft voice again. 

“Yeah,” he replies. “Should get back to work though ‘fore Debs sacks me.” 

\---

When Debbie finally lets him go, he’s exhausted. Between his mum being back, the disaster at the cinema and everything with Carl and the brakes, all he wants to do is relax in front of the telly all night and drink all of Paddy’s beer. Of course, he’ll probably bolt the minute Paddy gets back, hide in his room. He’s not sure he can face him after that ‘cosy’ comment earlier. He hopes he meant it as joke. He’s sure he did but what if he did see something? Grabbing a can out of the fridge, he pops the tab open and downs half of it. Eyes closed, he tries to just decompress and absolutely not think about the way Robert had held onto him when they were on the quad earlier. 

He’s not home long though before there’s a knock at the door. Through the glass, he can see that it’s Carl and he groans. “Can I help ya?” he asks, trying to pretend like he doesn’t know what this is about. 

“You messed with the brakes on my car,” Carl accuses. 

“No, I think Ryan’s doing that as we speak,” he tells him, knowing Ryan was planning to look over the car after he’d left for the day. “I’m about to have me tea, mate, so if you don’t mind.” 

He turns the key in the door, locking it and leaves it in as he walks away. From behind him, he hears the sound of breaking glass and turns around to find Carl kicking in the window on the door and striding in. He’s all threats and vibrato, calling him ‘a nasty, poisonous little chav’. Aaron tries to threaten him back but all it does is make Carl angrier and before he knows it, he’s being manhandled into the living room.

“You could have killed half me family!” he shouts as he tosses Aaron over the sofa. 

“Yeah but I didn’t though, did I?” he tells him as he scrambles back against the other sofa. 

Carl charges at him again. “Get up!” He grabs him by the fabric of his overalls and hauls him up, throwing him onto the sofa. “Get up!” He has him pinned down, looming over him and Aaron can’t shake the image of his dad, coming into his room, holding him down. “Not so cocky now are ya?”

He’s twelve again for just a split second, can hear Sandra screaming at him, Liv crying over her favorite doll, all while his dad hovers over him, about to get him back in line. 

“What’s going on?” Paddy’s shouting brings him back to the present. All of a sudden he’s there, pulling at Carl “Get off him!” 

“Tell him what you did, tell him!” Carl yells at him. 

“Nothing happened,” he tries to say as Carl’s forearm presses into his chest. 

“Get off him!” Paddy shouts again. 

This time Carl moves but he’s not done yet. “Tell him!” 

Aaron slides down on the sofa a bit, grabbing at his side. It feels bruised from their altercation in the kitchen. “I got there in time, didn’t I?” he says. 

“What are you talking about?” Paddy screeches, flying off the sofa to stand up next to Carl, both of them towering over him. “What’s going on?”

“Alright, I went too far,” he admits. He and Robert really, but he’s not going to implicate him if Carl’s not. 

“He messed with the brakes on me car. Could have ended up killing Jimmy and Nicola, and the baby!” Carl tells Paddy. 

“Yeah, I know that!” Aaron cries out. “And that’s why I stopped it!” 

“And would you have stopped it if it had been me?” Carl asks him. 

“Is that what all this is about? What were you thinking?” Paddy asks. 

“I wasn’t thinking,” Aaron says and it’s true. All he could see was red when Carl walked away and Robert had channeled it. “How can I think when I’ve got these two everywhere I go, all over each other.” 

“What’s wrong with ya? No one is enjoying any of this Aaron, but we’re not going around trying to kill each other!” Paddy says. 

Aaron looks back and forth between the two of them. He’s so tired, just wants this whole mess to go away. “Just leave me alone,” he says. “I’m sorry, okay.” 

Paddy softens a bit but Carl looks even more furious. “What that’s it?” he demands. “I don’t believe him.”

“What are you going to do?” Paddy asks. 

“You can believe what you’d like,” Aaron sighs, still clutching at his ribs. 

“Unbelievable,” Carl huffs but he finally takes the hint and leaves. 

Aaron leans back on the sofa, wants to sleep for years. He can still feel Carl’s hands all over him and he hates it. Paddy’s pacing in front of him though and he knows that he’s not about to let this drop. He doesn’t know if he has it in him for a lecture right now. There’s a pounding in his head and it’s making it hard for him to even pay attention. 

“The film was great by the way,” Paddy finally stops long enough to say. 

Aaron looks up at him. It was the last thing he expected him to say. “What?”

“You ran out of there pretty quick earlier.”

Aaron gulps, wonders where this is going. “So?”

“So you looked pretty riled up and Robert went running off after you. So was this all your idea or was it his?” Paddy asks. 

Aaron pales, his lips firmly shut. Robert may have pushed him into it, but was only trying to help. Sometimes it felt like he was the only one that really had his back around here. When everyone else pushed him aside, he was there checking up on him, trying to tell him the truth about Chas, helping him get Paddy to let him stay. He wasn’t about to betray him now and get him into trouble. 

“Mine,” he says firmly. It wasn’t a complete lie anyway. 

\---

“Can I go now?” Aaron asks, itching to get up from his seat at the kitchen table, Paddy, Carl and his mum all staring him down. They’ve been at this too long already, trying to get him to agree not to go near Carl, trying to get him to apologize. He was serious when he said he couldn’t though, he wouldn’t have meant a word of it. He knew he and Robert shouldn’t have done it but no one had actually gotten hurt and sticking it to Carl was a little too enjoyable. At least Carl had waited till the next day to tip his mum off. He’d had one night’s reprieve from all the yelling. 

“Aaron!” his mum screeches, her voice grating on him by this point. He’s chewing on his thumbnail, trying to distract himself. “I am trying to help ya here, stop you making a mistake that’ll end you up in jail.” 

“I don’t want your help!” he shouts at her. “I don’t want anything from you, or him!”

“I told you,” Carl says with a sigh, getting up from his chair. “He’ll never change. Are we done?”

“You are,” Chas tells him. Aaron’s switched to his pinky nail. It’s already bitten down to his skin but he doesn’t care. “I just need a minute with him on me own.” 

“You should have done that in the first place,” Carl spits back at her. Aaron hates listening to him talk to her like that, makes him think of all the times his parents used to argue when he was younger. 

“Is that alright?” she asks Paddy. 

“Yeah,” he says and then adds, “well you’ll have to ask Aaron.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see her turn towards him and he knows he better just get this over with. He gives up on his nails and gestures an ‘okay’ even if he doesn’t really mean it. Paddy says he’ll be next door if they need him and wishes he were going with him, anything to get out of this. She’s already ditched him for Carl; he doesn’t really know that he wants to hear what she has to say. 

“I know I’ve not been the best mum in the world,” she starts out. 

Aaron huffs a little half hearted laugh, because that’s the understatement of the century. His hands are on the table, fingers fidgeting. He doesn’t even want to look at her right now. 

“You’ve not exactly been the easiest son,” she says next. 

His heart sinks at her blaming him. She has no idea what she left him with. “I might have been,” he says, “If you’d stuck around.” Everything might have been different if she’d stayed or if she had taken him with her. If he’d grown up here in Emmerdale, surrounded by his family, been a part of it from the beginning. Maybe he wouldn’t feel like such an outsider, such an accessory now. 

“You can’t blame everything on me,” she argues. “What you did, yesterday…”

“I don’t need another lecture,” he sighs. He’s heard it all already. 

“No,” Chas shouts, “You need a slap! You and Robert flaming Sugden! I know he helped ya do it!”

He looks up at her then, challenging her. “Go on then, try it! And leave Robert out of it while you’re at it.” 

“He’s no good for you Aaron,” Chas practically pleads with him. “Look what he’s turning you into!”

“Oh you think I’m like this because of him do ya?” he snaps back at her. He’s not going to let her drag Robert down too, not when he was only trying to help him after she ruined everything. “It was my idea! I loosened the cable! He had nothing to do with it!” 

“Why is everything such a battle with you?” she yells, her voice getting higher and higher pitched. He turns back to his hands, digging his fingernails on his right hand or what’s left of them into palm of his left. “Look, I just...I forgive ya, okay?”

He huffs again. He doesn’t believe her for a second. 

“You made a mistake,” she says, her voice calming a bit, “and...I know what that’s like. I just need to know if you can forgive me?” 

“Why should I?” he’s not going to give in that easily. 

“Because I never did any of this to hurt you, Aaron. I did it because I love Carl!” she’s exasperated with him now. 

He nods, understanding what she’s really getting at. “And you don’t love me,” he says. It’s a statement, not a question. 

“Of course I do!” she tries. 

“Dead convincing.” He’s hardly worth it, never has been.

“Give Carl a chance! It’s not too late!” she pleads with him. 

“And it’s not too late for you to leave him,” he tries one last time. 

“I’m not gonna do that, am I Aaron? I’m with Carl,” she tells him, “And you’re either gonna have to accept it or-”

“Or what?” he cuts in. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” she says, like it’s some horrible burden to sit here talking to him. “I can’t be pulled apart by both of you, trying to keep you both happy.” 

“You’ve never tried to keep me happy,” he points out, not for a long time anyway. He thinks about the last time. She’d taken him to the seaside when he was seven, let him run around looking for buried treasure. He’d eaten ice cream and ridden on the donkey. It had been the best day of his life. Everything from then on had been downhill. 

“So maybe you’re better off without me!” she cries. 

He stares up at her, trying to hold back the tears piling up on his bottom lashes, desperate to fall. Why can’t she see it? Why has she never been able to see it? 

“Is that what you want is it?” she asks him. 

His throat his dry, can’t find the words to make all of this stop. He knows what’s coming next but it’s like he’s powerless, like someone has their hand wrapped around his throat, cutting off all of the oxygen to his brain. He can’t think. He can’t speak.

“Fine! I’ve had it with ya! You are not worth it!” she screams at him, confirming everything his dad said to him time and time again. “All you do is cause me grief and I can’t take it anymore! I just want a quiet life with the man I love. So stay away from us okay?” She pauses but he still can’t find the strength to say anything. He doesn’t deserve her love anyway. His dad always said he was unlovable. “You are on your own and I am glad to be rid of ya!”

He’d told Robert he was better of without a mum, but as he watches her walk out the door, tears falling freely down his cheeks now, he knows that was a lie. He needs her; he just doesn’t know how to tell her that, how to explain. 

Paddy’s probably going to come back soon and he can’t be here when he does. He can’t explain to him that his mum just disowned him like he’s nothing, because he knows he’s nothing and it hurts. The chair legs scrape across the floor as he stands, his legs shaking a bit but it doesn’t matter. He grabs his hoodie and heads out the door, slamming it so hard behind him that it rattles in the frame. His feet carry him forward, step by step, but he doesn’t know where he’s going, can’t think, can’t even see a meter in front of him through the tears blurring his vision. 

He avoids the garage even though he’s only supposed to be on his dinner break, but he can’t go back there, not now, no matter how angry Debbie gets with him. She calls out to him when she sees him but he ignores her, shuffling past blindly. He doesn’t stop at Wishing Well even if he knows he could find a sympathetic ear in Lisa or even Belle. They’d only pity him though and he doesn’t want that. 

It’s not until he gets there that he realizes where his feet have take him. He hasn’t even come up here in awhile but there he is, standing outside of Butler’s and his phone is in his hand. Throughout all of this, Robert has been the one person he’s been able to turn to. He doesn’t care what his mum thinks or Paddy. Even if it’s just to spite them and their low opinion, he flips his phone open and hammers out a text, not even sure what he’s actually said. Then he waits, pacing back and forth in front of the house like some sort of stalker. His hands are shoved in the pocket of his hoodie and he’s picking at his nails until they sting and he can feel a wetness that’s probably blood. He doesn’t care. He just hopes neither Vic or Andy show up first; he’s not even sure what he would say. All he wants is not to feel like this anymore, like he’s worthless. 

\---

The books are laid out in front of him again, as well as the laptop with the latest draft of the email he’s writing to that PA. Robert’s thinking about offering him a bribe or something just to get a meeting, to get his business plan in front of him, but it’s not like he has the cash just lying around. They’re struggling enough as it is. He slams the laptop shut in frustration, cursing around the mouthful of hummus and coriander sandwich he’s chewing on. Next to him, on the table, his phone lights up, vibrating against the wood for an even more obnoxious buzz. He swallows the remnants of his sandwich and picks it up, seeing Aaron’s name. Most of the text is misspelled and relatively unintelligible but Robert gets the gist of it. He’s here and he needs him.

He’s out the door before he even finishes reading it, not even bothering to grab his jacket. Outside, he finds Aaron, trudging back and forth in front of the house. His eyes are red, his face stained with tears that he’s trying to brush away now he’s seen him. Robert’s never quite seen him like this, doesn’t understand what’s happened. Knowing Andy could come back for his lunch at any minute, he approaches Aaron, nods for him to follow because he’s not sure what he wants or what he needs. He leads him into one of the empty barns, thinking he might want a bit of privacy. 

“Aaron?” he asks once they’re safely alone. “Aaron what happened?” 

Aaron looks up at him and the tears start falling again and no amount of wiping them away will help. He tries to open his mouth to say something but he can’t seem to find the words. The last time he tried to hug him, it made things awkward for weeks and after yesterday at the cinema, he was determined to back off. Seeing him like this though, none of that matters. 

Reaching out, he grabs his shoulder and tugs him close, wrapping both arms around him. Aaron stiffens for a moment in his embrace and he worries he’s made the wrong choice, but then he relaxes a bit. He’s not quite hugging him back, hands still hanging at his sides, but he buries his face in his neck and Robert can feel the dampness of his tears against his skin, the fabric of his shirt. Rubbing his hand up and down his back, a few times, he pulls him in tighter. 

“It’s alright,” he tells him. “I’ve got you.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles with the anniversary of Sarah's death. Aaron convinces Robert to help him with his driving test. The two share a moment up at the farm while patching a barn roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while since I updated again. Shocker. Plotdale kept me quite busy though, but since the boys are off for the next week and a half, maybe I'll manage to get another chapter up sooner rather than later...or at least before they're back on screen.

November 2009

Heat presses at his skin, a force in and of itself that nearly topples him as he pushes forward, the sound of her scream spurring him forward. Just a few more steps and he’ll reach her. This time it will all be different. He’s on the floor when he wakes or the ground. He’s fourteen and then he’s twenty-three and then he’s fourteen again, watching it all burn down in front of him, everything that meant anything to him, engulfed in the flames. His room at the farm, he realizes as he comes to, but his skin still feels hot like he’s feverish or something. The floor is hard beneath him and he scrambles back up to sit on the bed, his head in his hands as he works himself out of the nightmare, fingers kneading into the flesh of his forehead. 

A cold shower shocks him out of the worst but Robert’s emotions are still raw and barely contained as he rummages through his closet for something decent to wear, something his mum would have liked. There’s a floral shirt in there that he’d bought in London that reminds him of the flowers he’d bought for today. He hasn’t actually worn it in ages because the last time he wore it, Aaron had teased him about it for days after. He called it payback for mocking his caps all the time. Pulling it from the hanger, he slips it over his shoulders and buttons it up the front. He thinks maybe a little teasing from Aaron today might do him some good. 

Things with Aaron had been going well lately. Robert had been worried that their hug would derail them again, that he had ruined things with it, but it hadn’t. He had let Aaron cry in his arms for longer than either of them were probably comfortable with, but afterwards Aaron had stepped back, wiped away his tears and given him a gruff ‘thanks for...you know’ and that had been it. They hadn’t talked about it again but Robert wasn’t about to push it. They had mostly gone back to normal except that they were almost more at ease with each other now that that barrier had been crossed and the world hadn’t ended. 

Dressed, Robert stumbles down the stairs into the kitchen still a bit off from the intensity of the dream. Vic and Andy are at the table, halfway through breakfast, flowers laid out at the empty seat at the head of the table. His fingers trail over the soft skin of the petals and the paper they’re wrapped in, the sound of the crinkles making his little sister jump as if she hadn’t noticed him come down. 

“Nice of you to actually join us,” Andy says, barely looking up from the article in the paper he’s reading. 

“Nice of you to start without me,” Robert grumbles. 

“There’s more on the cooker, Rob,” Vic points over her shoulder. 

“Cheers,” he says as he goes to make himself a plate. 

He sits back down at the table and he's barely two bites in before Andy starts on him. “Don’t forget about the barn, Rob,” he says and Robert feels like his skin is on fire all over again as he slams his fork down on the table. 

The bang makes both his siblings look up at him in shock. “Are you actually kidding me?” Robert seethes, gripping at the edges of the table. 

“You've been promising me you'll fix the roof for weeks now. We need to get it sorted before the snows come,” Andy says, confusion twisting his face. 

“Unbelievable,” he says and pushes his plate away. He's not hungry anymore. “Are we going to go do this or what?”

The trip to the cemetery is strained by awkward silence. Robert wants to yell and scream and curse Andy out but he keeps his mouth shut, for Vic’s sake. None of this is her fault and he doesn't want to ruin it for her. Instead, he quietly stews in the passenger seat while Andy drives, hands balled up into fists like he's ready to lash out at any second. He wonders if this is what Aaron feels like half the time. 

He hasn't been back here since right after Jack’s funeral when he came to lay the rose he'd bought at his grave. Truthfully, he'd been avoiding it at all cost. Too many memories, most of them bad. Diane is there waiting for them when they reach her grave and he feels himself tense more at her presence. Her smile to greet them is tinged with pity and he hates it. He doesn’t understand what she’s doing here in the first place. His feet are stuck, rooted to the ground, as he watches both of his siblings take comfort in her arms. In some ways he wishes that he could too, but he can’t, not today. 

Instead, he forcibly turns himself toward the headstone, reading over the words carved into the stone face. ‘Devoted mother of Robert, Andy and Victoria.’ At least he comes first forever here. He knows he’s being petty but he doesn’t care. Crouching down, he clears away the last remnants of the flowers left previously and lays down the fresh bouquet that he picked out. 

“Here you go, Mum,” he whispers quietly, all too aware of the presence of the people behind him. He runs his fingers over the inscription on the stone, taking it in again, wonders what it would be like if she were still here, still here for him. How different would his life be now if she had never been taken from him? He can feel them all, watching him, the man who killed her, the woman who replaced her and the girl who never got to know her. It’s too much. He stands, falters a little, unsteady on his feet. 

“Are you alright, Robert?” Diane asks, her voice filled with fake motherly concern. 

He sways once more and then backs away. “Fine, fine,” he mutters. “I just, I have to go.” 

It’s not until he’s standing across the street from the cafe, watching Aaron duck inside, that he feels like he can breathe again. He wishes he could have stayed for his mum’s sake, made an effort. She would have wanted him to but he just couldn’t manage it. He’d go back later, honor her properly. For now, he just wants to forget, to be normal. 

\---

Aaron leans against the counter, drumming his fingers against the surface impatiently as he watches Brenda pottering around, taking forever to get his order. He’s got to be at the garage soon and if he’s late again, Debbie will have his head. She’d already given him half the morning off for his driving lesson, which had gone pretty well, great if anyone asked. His test is at the end of the week and this was his last lesson. He had tried to get Ryan to take him out the other day to give him a bit more practice but he had refused. Said there was no way he was getting into a car with a maniac like him behind the wheel. He’d said it with a smirk though, so Aaron tried not to take too much offense. Debs had echoed the sentiment though. 

The bell on the door dings and he instinctively looks up to see who’s come in. It’s Robert, which gives him an idea. Not that he likes to think a lot about it but ever since his breakdown, he’s fairly confident Robert would do just about anything for him. He’s wearing that ridiculous floral shirt of his too, which makes him even more sure of his answer. 

“Can I have an Americano too please, Brenda,” he adds to his order as Robert makes his way over to the counter. He gets a closer look at him as he gets nearer and suddenly he doesn’t feel like teasing him anymore. His blonde hair is unstyled, hanging flat against his forehead. His head is down a little but he can still see the dark circles under his eyes like he didn’t sleep much the night before. He even hears his stomach rumbling, which Robert tries to cover with his hand like that’ll make a difference. “And a sticky bun too.” 

“You don’t have to,” Robert says quietly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Aaron tells him, itching to reach a hand out, squeeze his shoulder or something, run it down his arm in comfort. He keeps both hands firmly at his sides. “You okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he says, chewing at his lip, a very un-Robert like mannerism. “Just a rough day.” 

“Yeah?” Aaron encourages. He’s had enough of his own rough days that Robert’s been there for. The least he can do is be there in return. 

Robert looks up at him, his green eyes wide, a little lost looking. “It’s uh...it’s my mum’s anniversary...the day she…”

“Oh,” Aaron says as Robert trails off. “Sorry. I didn’t…”

“It’s okay,” Robert cuts in. “Don’t want to think about it anyway. Go on, I saw your eyes light up at the shirt when I walked in. Give me your worst.” 

Aaron can’t help but smile, which seems to tug the corners of Robert’s mouth up as well, though saying it was a smile would be a bit generous to the expression. “I can’t help it. It is a ridiculous shirt, though I guess the leather jacket helps a bit.” 

“Yeah?” Robert asks as he runs his fingers over the black leather, tugging at it a bit. 

“Yeah,” he replies, casting his eyes downward. He doesn’t want to appear too interested. 

Silence lingers between them for a moment as Brenda disappears into the back, for god knows what now. He really does need her to hurry up. Suppose he can’t blame her since he complicated things so much ordering an extra two things. 

Robert fills the space with a quick change in subject. “Hey, you had your last driving lesson this morning, didn’t you? All ready for the test?” 

“Yeah...no...maybe? Could use a bit more practice, you know if you-”

“No way am I letting you behind the wheel of my car,” Robert cuts him off. He really was protective of it. It was a decent car, a silver Opel convertible. Aaron certainly wouldn’t mind getting a chance to drive it. 

“What about the Land Rover then?” he asks. 

“No way Andy is letting you behind the wheel of his car either,” Robert manages a laugh. 

Brenda brings their drinks and breakfasts over to the counter, finally, and Aaron pulls out a crumpled fistful of money, coins clattering as he counts it out. He hears Robert’s phone ping, a text coming through and watches him out of the corner of his eye as he reads it. His face falls and then tightens in anger as he presses down hard on the top button and screen darkens again. 

“Everything okay?” he asks as he picks up his bacon butty and hands him his Americano to go. 

“Yeah, just Andy being an insensitive prat,” Robert mutters. Aaron raises an eyebrow at him. “Just apologizing for earlier while still managing to remind me that I promised to fix that barn roof.” 

“Hmm. I’ll tell you what,” Aaron says, wiping his mouth after he takes a sip of his tea. He’s got a plan. “I’ll help you with that barn if you take me for a drive later.” 

“Are you sure you meant that how it sounded?” Brenda asks, arms crossed with a smug little smirk. 

Aaron feels his cheeks burning, can’t even look at Robert for a few seconds. 

“He meant for driving practice,” Robert saves him. “You think it’s as easy as that. Little manual labor and I’ll let you drive my car?” 

Feeling the tension ease a bit, he chances a look up a Robert’s face, his expression stoney but he can see the cracks at the edges, the grin that wants to break out. “Well,” he says, aiming for nonchalance, “If you don’t want my help…” 

“Fine,” Robert agrees, full smile making his tired face come alive, “I’ll pick you up after your shift.” 

Aaron smiles back as he grabs his tea and heads out to Robert’s warning about not getting any scratches on it. He hears Brenda make one final comment as he reaches the door. 

“Looks like you’ve got yourself a date,” she says and Aaron feels all the heat rushing back into his cheeks as he ducks out of the cafe. That was the furthest thing from what this was. 

\---

Robert pulls up to the garage, just a bit too early. He’s been avoiding both his siblings and Diane all day. He’d tried to go to the pub for his dinner and all Diane had done was pester him the entire time, trying to make sure he was okay after earlier. Of course she had to go and ruin it by saying he was very rude to Andy and Vic just running off like that, asking him what his mum would think about that. After that, he was done and had walked out. Other than the sticky bun Aaron had bought him earlier, he hadn’t finished a meal all day. 

With a glance at the rearview mirror, he tries to fix his hair a bit, having shoved some product in it when he’d gotten back to the farm. It looks good enough, he supposes, as he gets out. Aaron’s inside with Debbie and Ryan, joking around with the pair of them. Seeing him happy always puts him in a better mood and he can use all the help he can get today. He’d gone back to the cemetery for a bit after the pub, had a chat with a headstone like it would actually do him some good. It didn’t. He’d tried to form some kind of words about what he was feeling about Aaron, wanting her advice, but he could feel his father’s headstone watching him, looming over him, belt at the ready. He didn’t stay long. 

“You actually gonna let him drive your car, Sugden?” Ryan asks as he walks up the drive. 

“Is a dangerous prospect I suppose,” Robert answers, a little off his game. 

“Hope you’ve got insurance,” Debbie chimes in. 

“Oi! Will you all stop it. I’m a good driver,” Aaron protests. 

“Don’t know mate,” Ryan says, “I saw the way your instructor looked when you got back after your lesson.” 

“That’s just the way her face looked,” Aaron argues, making Robert grin a little. 

“Well,” Debbie says, “At least you know a good garage if you need one. And any repairs can come out of his wages.”

“Ha ha,” Aaron shoots her a glare. “Am I done? Can we go now?”

“Yeah, go on,” Debbie tells him, her and Ryan sharing one final look at his expense as he follows Robert back toward his car. 

Robert goes to the driver’s side out of habit, halfway through opening the door when Aaron clears his throat behind him as a reminder. It feels strange sliding into the passenger seat. He’s never sat on this side before. It gives him a little thrill though, watching Aaron climb in, running his hands over the leather interior. It wasn’t the car he had always dreamed of, but he was proud of it. Someday, he had plans to save up enough for a vintage Porsche or something, but he had scraped and earned this one so he was happy enough for now. 

“You’ve already failed,” he points out as Aaron starts the car and goes to back out. 

“You what?” 

“Your test. You forgot to check if it was in neutral,” he says. 

“That’s because I knew it was in neutral,” Aaron tells him, back to scowling. 

“Just trying to help,” Robert says, throwing up his hands. 

Aaron shakes his head at him and puts the car in reverse, lurching backward toward the road. Robert’s fingers grip onto the side of seat, his knuckles already going white. He feels his foot slide to where the brakes would be if he were on the other side as Aaron narrowly misses another car and changes gear, speeding down the road. Aaron better be a lot of help on that barn, if they both survive this that is. 

“Where to?” Aaron asks as he mercifully stops at the stop sign. 

Robert feels like he can breathe again for a moment as they watch Edna slowly cross the street in front of them. “The quarry?” he suggests. As long as Aaron doesn’t drive straight over the edge, it’s pretty empty up there, less for him to accidentally run into. Not that he doesn’t trust him or anything…

“Works for me,” Aaron says as Edna finally reaches the other side of the road, Tootsie faithfully by her side. 

Robert grips onto the seat again as they take off down the road. It’s not that they’re really going over the speed limit or anything, it’s just that he feels all of it because he’s not in control. Every turn feels like it’s taken too tight or too wide, like they’re not quite going to make it one way or the other. His heart is beating out of his chest the whole ride as he counts down the kilometers until they reach the quarry. Aaron pulls to an abrupt stop once they do reach the quarry. He’s well away from the edge but still kicks up a cloud of dirt as he slams on the brakes. 

“Go on admit it, you’re impressed,” Aaron boasts as he puts the car into park. 

“Think I’m lucky to be alive,” Robert breathes heavily. “You almost took out a tractor back there.” 

“Was nowhere near it, mate!” Aaron tells him as he studies his probably pale face. “Oi! Come on, I’m not that bad!” 

“No, you’re not that bad,” he concedes. “Just not used to having anyone else drive my car?” 

“Am I your first?” Aaron asks, and then suddenly seems to realize what he’s said. “I mean, shit, I mean the first person you’ve let drive your precious car.” 

Robert bites back a laugh, thankful to have Aaron for a distraction today even if he did just spend the last half hour fearing for his life. “Yeah, you are,” he says. “Maybe just go a little slower for the test, yeah?”

“Right,” Aaron says, and then goes quiet for a moment. “So...did your rough day get any better?”

“No, not really,” he says, trying not to think about Diane’s comments or his dad or Andy or anything except the moment he’s in now. “Not till now anyway.” 

He sees Aaron blush slightly at that and he worries he’s said too much. It’s true though. Aaron’s been the best part of this miserable day so far. He usually is. It was what he’d been trying to explain to his mum earlier, though he couldn’t quite get the words out, not coherently anyway. 

“Chas came by the garage the other day,” Aaron offers. 

“How’d that go?” he asks.

“Dunno,” Aaron sighs. “Didn’t feel like talking to her, brushed her off. Doesn’t matter. Should we head back?” 

“Yeah, but take it easy this time. I wanna get back in one piece,” Robert tells him. 

Turning the key, Aaron starts the car up again and turns it around, heading back toward the village. He’d played it off like it was nothing, but Robert knows that it does matter. They might not talk about it, but he knows what a mess Aaron was that day after she’d pushed him away and while he might be pushing back now, Robert knows that Aaron cares more than anything. On a day like today, where he’s missing his mum so much, he hopes that someday Aaron and Chas can find their way back to one another, try again. 

\---

A winter chill is starting to seep into the air, no snow yet, but still, Aaron’s starting to regret just wearing his hoodie as he makes his way up to the farm. His overalls are still tied around his waist from his morning at the garage. He’d manage to wrangle the afternoon off to go help Robert even though it had involved a lot of teasing from Ryan and Cain about him actually doing some hard graft for a change. He hasn’t really been up to the farm since that day, still feels embarrassed about just breaking down like that, falling into Robert’s arms as they’d wrapped around him tightly, holding him together. It had been one of his worst days, but Robert had been there to make it bearable. He hadn’t said anything about it afterwards either, just let things go back to normal and Aaron is still grateful for that. 

Robert meets him out in front of the barn they’re to fix, dressed in his blue and green overalls. Since they spend so much time together in the village, he sometimes forgets that this is Robert’s every day. He still doesn’t seem like the farming type. He isn’t, he supposes, having heard about his job down in London before he moved back here. He’s heard him go on about this grocery store deal he’s trying to get as well. Aaron thinks he’d make a better businessman than farmer anyway, but he doesn’t object to seeing the way the overalls stretch over his broad shoulders, more muscular now than when he’d first arrived due to all the work on the farm. 

“Cheers for helping out,” Robert says as he leads the way to where he has the wood and tools set up. 

“Yeah, course,” he replies. “And thanks for the lesson yesterday. I trust you’re breathing easier today?”

“I wasn’t that bad!” 

“Robert, you were hyperventilating at one point on the drive to the quarry!” he laughs, remembering how scared he looked. 

“You did almost hit that tractor. I don’t care what you say,” Robert says. 

“Both the car and the tractor are fine though, yeah?” he points out. “So, no harm done.” 

“Suppose,” Robert grumbles. 

There’s a few holes that need patching in the roof. It’s a big job, but between the two of them, he reckons they can knock it out pretty quickly. Of course it’s not long before they’re distracted. Robert had been up on the ladder and Aaron had had some daft idea to give him a scare, shaking it a little. Whatever task he’d been doing had been abandoned quickly as he charged back down the ladder, chasing after Aaron. His legs are longer and he catches him quickly, grabbing at his wrist. Aaron lets himself be pulled in enough that he has good leverage to shove him backwards and go running off again. Robert curses behind him but he’s on his feet again in no time, coming after him again. 

“Oi! Get back here!” Robert calls out and Aaron can hear the amusement in his voice. 

“Gonna have to catch me again, Sugden!” he shouts back over his shoulder. 

Aaron almost lets himself be caught this time after a race around the outside of the barn and back to their work area. He slows just enough, breathless and laughing as Robert grips him at the waist and drags him down to the ground. They’re too close to the stack of wood that they’ve been cutting though and his head clips the corner on the way down, stinging sharply. He can feel blood dripping into his eye as he closes it, looking up at Robert’s face through just the one. His expression changes quickly from the pure, ridiculous joy of their game to worry, his eyes open and concerned. 

“Aaron!” he yells at him as if he’s passed out or something. He hasn’t. “Shit! Are you okay? I didn’t mean…”

“I’m fine, Robert. It’s nothing,” Aaron reassures him. 

“No you’re not. You’re hurt,” he says, his voice going soft. “I’m so sorry.” He reaches out his hand and Aaron finds himself flinching back, not expecting it. “Sorry, just let me have a look, yeah?” 

Aaron nods, watches Robert pull the sleeve of his overalls over one hand, while he cradles his head with the other, careful, gentle. He hadn’t realized until now that when they’d both fallen, Robert had ended up practically on top of him, his thighs straddling his waist, their chests nearly pressed together as he leans down again, bringing his hand to Aaron’s eye. He dabs at the blood, making him wince. Leaning in closer, he goes to take another look at the cut and his face is so close now. Aaron can’t even think about the wound. His mind his blank except for the reality of Robert’s startling green eyes, the individual freckles he can count on his cheeks, his full pink lips, parted slightly, so near his own. He hates himself for thinking it, but it would be so easy, so easy to just lift his head a bit more and…

\---

Robert feels Aaron’s chapped lips brush against his own ever so slightly. It’s only a moment but it’s like time stops, or not stops, but goes backward. He’s been thinking so much about his mum and his dad lately, what they would think of him. This happening here, on the farm, where anyone could see, where Andy could see. He can’t help but feel like he’s fifteen again, hiding away in his room with that farmhand, getting a taste of what he’d been daydreaming about since he’d shown up that summer. His first real kiss. Then his door was cracking open and his dad’s voice was puncturing this happy little bubble he had created for himself where everything he was doing felt normal and right. Then suddenly it wasn’t and he was pulling away, pulling away from the farmhand, from Aaron, shrinking back like he’d placed his hand on a hot stove. 

Aaron looks up at him, his expression easy to read, confusion, terror. Robert didn’t mean it, hates that he’s made him feel the way that he did all those years ago, like this is wrong. He doesn’t want it to be wrong. He wants Aaron’s lips back on his, wants to kiss him properly, even if he is terrified himself. He can’t though because Aaron’s pushing him off and pulling himself out from underneath the weight of his body, dead weight because he can’t figure out how to move himself yet. It takes him longer than it should to gather himself up and get back to his feet and he finds Aaron sawing away at another piece of wood for the roof. 

“Aaron,” he says cautiously but Aaron won’t even look at him, putting all of his focus into the way the saw is slicing through the wooden plank, sawdust piling up and then drifting away in the cool breeze. Robert can’t leave it like this though. He didn’t mean to pull away. The fact that Aaron had tried to kiss him meant that everything he’s been feeling isn’t all for nothing. It can be something, maybe. His head is a mess. “Aaron,” he tries again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t mean to what?” Aaron snaps suddenly, venomous.

His feet suddenly feel unsteady beneath him. He wasn’t expecting that reaction. “I didn’t mean to flinch away like that.” 

“What are you on about?” Aaron challenges him. 

He’s confused now, doesn’t quite know where this conversation is headed. “Aaron, you tried to kiss me and I’m-”

“No I didn’t,” Aaron tells him firmly. 

“Aaron it’s-”

“Let’s just get back to work, alright!” 

“Fine, yeah,” Robert says, still in a daze. He wants to tell him it was okay, that he wants to kiss him back but he can see that it isn’t a good idea right now. Aaron’s shoulders are tense, raised slightly like hackles on a wolf, ready to defend himself against whatever might be getting ready to attack. His eyes are dark, his mouth set in a straight line, like he’s trying not to show any emotion at all. Even so, there’s fear radiating from him. 

The rest of the afternoon is quiet, painfully so. He tries to engage him in conversation here and there, about the weather, about work, about Paddy, about plans for the holidays, but nothing works and he’s only met with silence. Even when he tries to talk to him about the job at hand, he only ever gets a grunt or a hand gesture in response. It’s worse than when they first met. At least then, Aaron would yell at him about something or other before they became friends. Now, he’s not sure what they are. 

The silence makes for a productive afternoon in any case though. They have the entire job done by tea time. Robert wants to invite him inside for a brew, to stay for tea, anything to fix this but Aaron doesn’t even let him get his mouth open, let alone get a word out. He gives him a grunt that might have been ‘bye’ and a half hearted wave and then he’s stalking off toward the village, looking like he’s carrying a chip the size of the world on his shoulder. Robert watches him go, wondering if this has ruined everything for good, if he’s ruined everything like he always does, like he always will. 

He’s cleaning everything up when Andy comes to find him. His brother is the last person he wants to see right now, but there he is, walking around and inspecting his handiwork like he can’t be trusted to do a decent job. If he gives him stick about anything, Robert’s not sure he can reign himself in this time. 

“Didn’t think you’d actually finish in one day!” Andy says, his eyes wide as he comes down from the ladder. “Maybe we should have Aaron come and help out more often if it makes you this productive.” 

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” he snarls, as he slams a hammer into the tool box he’s loading up. 

“Nothing!” Andy says. He looks at him curiously, seeming more fascinated by his anger than annoyed by it. “You know, usually spending the afternoon with Aaron makes you slightly less irritating. You two have a fight or summat? Lover’s tiff?” 

Robert bangs the tool box closed, the sound ringing out through the yard. He’s had enough of this. “Piss off Andy!” he tells him and stomps off toward the house. 

\---

Aaron sees Robert’s car parked outside the Woolpack and he hesitates, almost heads straight past, thinking he might just go home, see if Paddy’s around. He’s been doing a fantastic job of avoiding him for the past two days and he’d hate to break his streak now. Only he’d promised Ryan and Debs he’d come by after his driving test. He almost hadn’t even gone this afternoon, his head so wrecked that he thought about just sacking it off. Debbie and Ryan had been teasing him all morning about the test though, so he had to go in. 

Immediately, his eyes are drawn to Robert when he walks in. It’s like he can’t even help himself. He’s sat at the far end of the bar, looking bored by whatever Diane is saying to him. Leather jacket over a dark red jumper, blonde hair perfectly styled, a little bit of beer foam on his upper lip. Aaron watches his tongue dart out and lick it off and he feels himself go weak for a moment, his knees nearly buckling. Robert glances over in his direction; he’s still stuck there in the doorway. Their eyes meet for a second and Aaron can see a sense of hopefulness in Robert’s eyes, but he can see fear too and Aaron hates the thought that he’s made him afraid of him. 

The brief moment that their lips touched, plays over in his mind again like it has a thousand times since, so vividly that he can almost feel it. He hates himself all over again. Why did he do it? He’d been fighting it for so long now. He’d been doing so well. He tries to think about kissing Victoria, that girl in Ibiza, but even one second of Robert’s lips on his had felt better than kissing either of them. His nails dig crescent shapes into the palms of his hands, ripping his mind out of the memory. He can get back on track. He doesn’t have to give into it. In any case, he knows he’s ruined things with Robert. They can’t go back to what they were, not now, not now he’d gone and messed it all up. 

“So, did you pass?” Ryan asks him.

Aaron hadn’t even realized that he and Debbie had come over to meet him. At the bar, Robert’s eyebrows raise toward him, like he’s heard the question and wants to know too. 

“It’s alright if you didn’t pass,” Debbie says. 

“Yeah, I didn’t pass my first time,” Ryan adds. 

He can’t be around Robert, not anymore. It’s too much and he can’t handle it. Dragging his eyes away from him, he turns to Ryan instead, plastering a smug grin on his face, and says, “That’s cause you’re not a brilliant driver like me?” 

“You passed?” Debbie asks.

“Of course I did!” He wears the confidence like a mask, but he feels empty inside as Ryan slaps him across the back. 

“Congrats mate!” he tells him. 

Avoiding Robert’s gaze altogether, he follows Debbie and Ryan to a booth on the other side of the pub. He doesn’t need mates anyway, or whatever he and Robert had become. He’s got his family, Paddy and Clyde. He’s always been better off alone, he tells himself. He’ll just go back to that. It’ll be better this way.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron spend the holidays apart but they're missing each other. Can a couple of text messages make a difference in their strained friendship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the comments on the last chapter! I promise the slow burn is going to start to get somewhere in the next couple of chapters.

December 2009

Robert rubs his hands together to keep them warm, wishing he’d thought to bring his gloves with him when he’d driven into the village. Andy volunteered him to come help Diane get everything together to bring up to the farm, said if he wanted to eat, he’d better go help. None of them felt like cooking this year, so getting half their Christmas dinner from Marlon’s kitchen at the Woolpack was fine with him. It’s not like he’s particularly looking forward to any of the festivities. No matter how done up the village is in lights and decoration around him, he’s hardly in the Christmas spirit. There’s not exactly much to celebrate this year. His dad’s dead, he and Andy are barely tolerating each other at the moment and he misses Aaron. It’s been weeks since the attempted or almost or whatever kiss it was or wasn’t and still, Aaron has been avoiding him and he’s gotten good at it. 

“Last one I think, pet!” Diane says as she shoves one more present in his hands. 

He loads it into the boot of his car with the rest of the wrapped gifts and the food. “Yeah, great,” Robert mutters, suddenly distracted by the two figures walking past, Paddy and Aaron. He watches them go and head into the shop, Aaron pointedly keeping his head turned toward Paddy as he crossed in front of him. He could claim it was just natural conversation all he wanted, but Robert could see the strain in his shoulders and neck. 

“Robert!” Diane raises her voice slightly to get his attention. 

“Huh?” he turns toward her and sees her pointing at his hand still holding the boot open. 

“Gonna have to close that if we’re going to get a shift on,” she says. 

“Right,” he agrees and slams it shut. 

“Something happen between you two?” Diane asks as she waits for him to unlock the car doors. 

“Between? What?”

“You and Aaron?” she clarifies. “Just don’t see you boys hanging around together anymore.”

Chapped lips pressed against his. The crack of a belt. “Don’t really wanna talk about it,” he says, shaking his head, as he clicks the button to unlock the doors. 

“Probably for the best, pet,” Diane tells him, “that lad’s always been trouble.” 

Robert’s fists clench, like he’s trying to crush her words out of existence. “He’s not trouble,” he snaps at her. “There’s a lot more to him than the mindless thug you all seem to see him as!” 

“Didn’t mean to offend,” Diane says, holding up her hands in surrender. “Come on, pet, let’s get up to the farm. It’s Christmas! Your dad wouldn’t want us fighting.”

“Yeah, well he’s not here,” Robert says as he gets into the car. He doesn’t know if he’s happy or sad about that, doesn’t know what he’s feeling, about anything really. 

“No, no he’s not.” Diane’s voice sounds tired as she gets in, her face a contradiction with sad eyes full of unshed tears that a smile is keeping at bay. 

\---

Paddy’s got a bottle of wine in his hand and Aaron a six pack of tinnies in his. “You really think that lot is gonna drink that?” Aaron asks, pointing at Paddy’s purchase. 

“It’s free booze,” Paddy says. 

“Fair point,” Aaron concedes. 

He’d hardly been looking forward to going up to Wishing Well today, but he figured at least it would be a distraction. Now he’s seen Robert though, all he wants to do is take the six pack back to Paddy’s and drink the whole thing himself. He hates himself for missing him so much. The last month, he’d put so much energy into avoiding him, but every time he sees him, it all just comes flooding back. Hanging back a bit now, he watches him getting into the car with Diane, thinking about his thumb brushing against the cut on his forehead, about the softness of his lips when he’d touched his to them. There’s a sickness in his stomach but he pushes it down along with the memories. Still, he thought he’d be fine on his own like always, but now that he’d had a taste of something more, he was miserable without it. 

“Something happen between you two?” Paddy asks as he turns around to see why he’s no longer beside him. 

“No!” Aaron snaps defensively, and nothing ever would now, even if he wanted it to. He definitely doesn’t want it to; he won’t let it, not again, not with Robert or anyone else for that matter. 

“Are you sure?” Paddy asks, “Cause you two used to be joined at the hip and now you’re, well you’re not are you?” 

“Just drop it, Patrick,” Aaron says, lifting up the beer. “Let’s just go!”

“Right,” Paddy sighs, “But if you want to talk about anything, I am here, you know that don’t you? Anything at all.”

“I know, Paddy, but I’m fine,” he says, walking back toward Smithy. 

“Mind you,” Paddy says, breathing a bit heavy as he tries to catch up with him, “it’s probably for the best. Robert Sugden has always been trouble.” 

Aaron wheels around, cutting off his path toward the cottage and the car. He doesn’t even know why he’s doing it, but he’s not going to let anyone say anything bad about Robert. None of this is his fault; it’s all Aaron’s. “He’s nothing like you all think he is. I’ve heard all the gossip, but he’s not like that!” 

“Oh yes, the man who helped you cut Carl King’s brakes is a perfect angel!” Paddy argues. 

“I told you, he had nothing to do with that!” 

“Alright, alright. Calm down,” Paddy says, laying his free hand on his shoulder and turning him around. “Let’s just go have a nice Christmas.” 

“Oh yeah, sure it’ll be brilliant,” Aaron grumbles. “You promise me mum’s not coming?”

“From what I heard, she’s having Christmas with Carl,” Paddy assures him again.

“Good.” 

\--- 

Diane’s in the kitchen, keeping the food warm. Victoria’s on the sofa, deep in a text conversation with her mate, Kayleigh, surrounded by unopened presents. Well, she had opened one, they each had while they waited. It was a cookbook, now sat discarded on the coffee table, though she had a big smile on her face when she had opened it. Robert had seen her tinkering about with new recipes in the kitchen the last few months, thought it might be a good idea. He had gotten a book from her as well, which he’s trying to read now, A Game of Thrones. It’s supposed to be one of the best fantasy series or so they say. Reading had become a bit of an escape for him while he was in London, though it’s not doing much for him today. Tales of dead men rising in medieval kingdoms, can’t distract him from all of the conflicting thoughts swirling through his head. 

He can feel his dad looking at him, judging him from the pictures on the wall, but he feels his absence too in the quiet of the house. It’s not the first Christmas he’s spent without him, nor the first Christmas the family has either. He was still in Spain the year before, but now there was a sense of finality to it. He would never have Christmas with his dad again. He’s not sure if he’s happy or sad about that, probably a little of both if he’s honest. The pressure to make him proud is still there in everything he does, but he feels freer too. There’s certainly no way that he would even been contemplating anything with Aaron if he were around. 

“Sorry! Sorry I’m late!” Andy shouts as he hurries in the door, face flushed from the cold winter air. “Got a bit caught up.”

“How is Sarah, pet?” Diane asks as she pulls him into a hug. 

“Good,” Andy beams. “Really good! Could do without listening to Charity and Cain arguing but otherwise…”

Robert slides a bit of folded wrapping paper in between the pages of the prologue he’s barely reading and sets the book down on the table next to Victoria’s cookbook. As he moves into the kitchen, he gets a look from Andy that suggests he should be helping Diane as she rushes about getting all of the food back on the table. He’s not sure why Andy can’t be the one to help, but of course he’s in the wrong. True, he’s been a bit lax on the farm work lately, but he’s been distracted. Being avoided saps a lot of energy from a person. 

“Here, let me get that,” Robert gives in and takes the platter of turkey from Diane’s hands. 

“Thanks pet,” she praises him and then pokes her head into the lounge, “Victoria! Let Kayleigh enjoy her own Christmas, dinner’s ready.”

“Finally! I’m starved!” she says as she comes in, giving Andy a nod. 

Dinner is awkward to say the least as they eventually reach the end of it, the four of them, sitting around the table, the picked over turkey a buffer between them, well between him and Andy at least. Once the safe small talk had been exhausted, Diane had asked Andy about the farm, which had turned into a list of everything Robert wasn’t pulling his weight on or so it seemed. Reaching out, he snatches up a piece of leftover turkey off the platter. If he keeps his mouth full, it keeps him from having to contribute to the conversation. Andy’s already talking about lambing, which he had caught the tail end of this year and he swears he still feels tired from it. He really was never cut out for farm work. 

“Might have to get some help this year though,” Andy says. 

“Why? Cause I’m so useless?” Robert mutters as he swallows down the last of the turkey. 

“Did I say that?” Andy asks. 

“Might as well have,” Robert says, trying to avoid the disapproving glances from Diane and Vic. 

“I just meant that this last year...well...we had Daz didn’t we,” Andy says, shifting in his seat, as he manages to make everything even more awkward. It stops Vic from interfering in their stupid little spat, though Diane doesn’t know what really happened. “Maybe we could get Aaron to help out?” 

Or not, Robert thinks, considering he wouldn’t even look at him today. He pushes back from the table and stands up, grabbing his plate. “I’ll wash up,” he says, knowing it will score him points and let him avoid everyone for a bit. 

\---

“Alright, we’re here now. We can start,” Aaron declares as he pushes in the door at Wishing Well. Even if he is down, he’s getting good at putting on a good face for everyone, most of the time anyway. 

“Right!” Zak claps his hands together. “Belle! You and Noah, sort out the seating arrangement! Shadrach-”

 

“Have we missed anything?” Paddy asks as they stand there awkwardly between Cain and Charity and Debbie. None of them respond, clearly caught up in their own strained family moment. Aaron’s glad he’s not the only one. “Just the one...small...miracle...then,” Paddy quips, though it doesn’t quite land with anyone. Par for the course with Paddy’s jokes. 

Pulling a can out of the plastic, Aaron passes the rest of the offering off to Sam and claims a seat on the tiny sofa in the middle of the Dingle chaos as he waits for dinner. At least nothing’s ever dull with his lot, even if they do drive him mad half the time. Lisa’s tutting about the kitchen, shouting at Zak not to get too comfortable in his arm chair. Debbie’s helping Belle and Noah set the table. Cain and Charity are having a staring contest, still by the door as if they’re challenging the other one to walk out of it. Shadrach shuffles over, antlers on his head nearly taking Aaron’s eye out as he leans over the back of the sofa to wish him a slurry ‘Happy Christmas’. 

“Who dressed you this morning?” Paddy asks him as he comes over.

Aaron notes the ridiculous yellow cardigan that he has on and looks up, curious at the answer. “Hey! Our Gennie bought me this. Said I needed some brightening up!” 

“Oh yeah!” Lisa chimes in, “I bought him some soap for the same reason!” 

Aaron sniffs at the air as Paddy sits down beside him. Clearly he hadn’t used it yet. He’ll have to make sure to sit as far away from him as possible or it might put him off his dinner. 

“Debbie, love,” Lisa says. “Make sure there’s enough room for Eli and Marlon and anyone else who happens to drop in!” She nods toward Charity at the door.

Nope, never dull, Aaron laughs to himself, as Debbie turns around to shoot Lisa a death glare. He takes a swig of his beer, happy to have it as he listens to Cain and Charity already sniping at each other. It was probably going to be a long day. Even amidst all of the insanity, he still can’t stop his mind from drifting to Robert. He wonders how his Christmas is going, hates being out of the loop on his life. He and Diane were packing quite a spread into his car though from what he could see while he was waiting for Paddy though. So, if nothing else, the food would probably be good. 

All thoughts of Robert stop and his body tenses at the sound of an all too familiar voice, shouting through the door. “Happy Christmas!” it calls and Aaron feels anything but happy. 

“Hiya love!” Charity says as Chas pushes through the door, arms full of wrapped presents. 

“Hiya!” she says to Charity, not even looking his way. He hates her but it still hurts. 

“Who invited her here?” Aaron hisses at Paddy. “You said-”

 

“Oi! I didn’t know. Besides, it is Christmas, and it’s not our house.” Paddy says. 

“Just wanted to make sure everyone...got their stuff,” Chas says as she sets the gifts down on the table, glancing around awkwardly but still managing to mostly avoid eye contact with him. 

“Aye!” Zak says. “Well take your coat off. Get a drink!” He’s holding the remainder of Aaron’s six pack in his hands and Aaron thinks he better not give one of those to her. 

“Not brought your boyfriend with you?” Cain says and at least Aaron feels like maybe someone is on his side. 

“Oh Dad, do we have to?” Debbie scolds him. 

“You know what Zak, I might give it a miss,” Chas says and Aaron hopes she does. 

Zak’s there though, handing her a drink, a can from his contribution and she’s taking it and taking off her coat like she’s going to stay awhile. Aaron curls in on himself a bit, burrowing further into the corner of the sofa. Between her and Robert, avoiding people was like a full time job and after seeing Robert earlier, he’d hoped he could at least not see her today. But now here she was and everyone was arguing and not the kind he could sit back and enjoy. 

“Hey!” Lisa calls from the kitchen. “Excuse me!” 

“Whatever you’re mithering about now,” Zak tells them all, “pack it in!” 

“Ten minutes and we’re eating!” Debbie says, as if that will put a stop to all of it. 

Dinner hardly stops the arguing, though for a time it’s at least about who gets what color paper hat, none for him thanks, or who gets light meat or dark meat. Lisa’s home cooking is a treat though, certainly better than anything his mum ever made for him or whatever he and Paddy manage to scrounge together on a night in. He digs right in, the Dingles not being the type to say grace or anything and he’s starving. He looks up enough to note that his mum declines a plate though, hopes that means good things for him. A smile actually graces his face as she stands up, slipping her gloves back on her hands. 

“Well right,” she says. “I probably should be getting off.” 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Aaron can’t resist saying. 

“Hey! You’re not above chucking out yourself!” Shadrach tells him. 

“Who by? You?” Aaron laughs it off, but inside he suddenly feels expendable. If he didn’t have Paddy sat firmly beside him in his green paper crown, he feels like he wouldn’t belong here at all. 

“Next one that’s out of order,” Lisa waves her spoon at them, “Gets this round the head!” 

“All the best, yeah,” Chas says, glancing over at him. 

He doesn’t have time to even respond before Cain’s starting in on her about Carl again, though it’s nothing to do with him and all about Debbie apparently. So even Cain’s not really on his side. As he listens to them go at it, he pushes the food around on his plate, suddenly not so hungry anymore. He hopes Robert’s Christmas is going better than his, not that he’ll get to hear about it since they’re not speaking to each other anymore. He actually finds himself missing that soft, gentle voice he seems to only use with him. 

\---

Robert’s pretending to read his book again, as they all sit in the living room, the rest of the presents unwrapped around them. Victoria’s put the tv on, some Christmas special playing in the background as he stares at his phone tucked between the pages of his book. The picture he has saved for Aaron in his contacts is looking back at him, forcing a smile onto his face. Aaron had nicked his leather jacket that day and was trying it on, though it was a little bit big on him, the sleeves coming down past his hands. It makes him miss him more. 

He taps the messages icon and stares down at the string of texts he’d sent Aaron over the last month. There were a lot in the beginning and then they got less frequent until he just stopped sending them altogether in the last week or so. It’s not like Aaron ever responded anyway. It is Christmas though. If that isn’t a time for forgiving, then when is? He’s not quite sure what he wants Aaron to forgive him for. He didn’t seem upset at him for pulling away from the kiss, not really, more relieved maybe. He’s not sure he totally understands why Aaron flat out denied the whole thing in the first place. One look from his dad’s photo on the wall though, and he gets it, of course he does. It’s not like he had the guts to make the first move anyway. 

His fingers hover over the keyboard, as he tries to figure out what to say. He doesn’t want to sound desperate or needy. He just wants to test the waters, see how it goes. 

‘Happy Christmas’ he goes with and then his left thumb continues to hover, staring at the ‘x’ key. It’s subtle. Maybe Aaron wouldn’t even notice, but if he did, maybe then he’d know that he did want to kiss him back. 

\---

Empty cans litter the table around him as Aaron listens to everyone shout out answers. Chas had finally gone and Debbie had run out too, replaced by Marlon and Eli who had finally arrived. Marlon looks like an idiot now, acting something out for the annual game of charades. Last year, he had gotten out of all of this, not that helping to fish Victoria out of a frozen lake had been exactly preferable. Beside him, Sam pours out another snowball, and Aaron grabs it before anyone else can. If he has to be subjected to charades, he needs to be more drunk than he is. Paddy turns around and eyes the drink in his hand, but he just waves him off. He can allow him one day of the year to get bladdered. Though, he does need to keep his wits about him a bit so that he can properly refuse to get involved in the game. 

In his pocket, his phone buzzes and he pulls it out. Not that he knows who else would be texting him, but he’s still surprised to see that it’s Robert. He hadn’t tried to text him in over a week now, thought he’d given up finally. Apparently not. Aaron had stopped reading the texts after a while. It was too hard, because he knew they were never going to get back to where they were. It would be too awkward after what he tried to do and Robert clearly couldn’t just forget about it, kept asking him if they could just meet somewhere and talk about what happened. There was no way that was happening though. Still, his interest is piqued so he opens the text. 

‘Happy Christmas! X’ 

Aaron barely sees the first two words, just the ‘x’ at the end, can’t take his eyes off of it. No one’s ever sent him a text with an ‘x’ at the end of it, but he knows what it means. At least he thinks he does. Maybe Robert didn’t mean to put it there. Maybe he just accidentally hit the key when he went to press send and he couldn’t take it back. Maybe it meant nothing. Or, maybe he did mean it as a kiss. 

He puts the phone down on the table, still staring at that single letter. At the barn, he had gotten everything wrong, but maybe he hadn’t. There’s no way to know and he doesn’t want to mess things up any more than he already had. Turning his phone over on the table, he picks up the snowball. He can’t reply; it’s too risky. He upends the glass, the thick, eggy liquid sliding down his throat. He swallows it all down, hoping to swallow down his fears as well, but there’s too many for that. 

\---

Celebratory chaos exists all around him: glasses clinking, people shouting to be heard, bodies jostling about. It’s New Year’s Eve at the Woolpack and Aaron’s still stuck at Christmas. His phone is in his hand, the same text open in front of him like it has been since he got it. He’s gotten brave and written out a few replies in that time, but he’s deleted all of them. Nothing sounded right and he still wasn’t sure he even wanted to reply. Well, he wanted to reply but he didn’t want to wreck things further than they already were. Of course he didn’t have to reply to a text message, considering Robert was across the pub with Andy and Victoria, but talking to him face to face seemed far beyond his capabilities at this point. 

“Alright, anyone else for another drink?” Aaron hears and looks up from his phone to see Nikhil Sharma at the bar. 

“I wouldn’t say no to another pint!” Zak says beside him, holding out his mug. 

“Me either,” Shadrach chimes in. 

Eli’s quick as well behind him, “Alright, go on!” 

“Go on then,” Nikhil says to Maisie. 

Aaron would love to get in on this too, only the only drink in front of him is coke. Six days and he’ll be eighteen. He can’t wait. He should have just stayed home, had the house to himself and a fridge full of Paddy’s beer. He and Marlon were out on a lad’s night out, because Marlon doesn’t like to be in the pub on New Year’s Eve. Aaron doesn’t know the whole story, but he knows enough about Tricia and some storm, to know that it was tragic. He doesn’t think he wants to ever be in love if it causes so much pain. 

Beside him, Shadrach is worrying Zak over Lisa and the modeling she’s been doing for a drawing class. Not that he’s really listening, much, but he agrees with Shadrach. You can’t trust anyone. He steals another glance at Robert. It’s easy to watch him since he’s spent most of his time staring at Katie and Ryan and whatever drama is clearly going on there that he doesn’t want to get involved in. Hearing Ryan go on and on about Katie at the garage all day, he doesn’t know why he bothers. Robert’s clearly bothered though, which gives him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that won’t go away. 

The text is better to look at, sort of, at least it’s not unpredictable, won’t suddenly look his way and catch him staring. The ‘x’ stares back at him instead. He wonders if maybe Robert was just messing with him, mocking the fact that he’d been so stupid as to try and kiss him like that. What if the only thing he meant by it was cruelty? But Robert wouldn’t do that, not to him. Or he thinks anyway, hopes. He needs to know what it means, but he’s also too scared to find out. 

\---

Robert watches Katie and Ryan at their table, watches Ryan say yes to something or other and sees Katie’s excitement. He remembers a time when she looked like that about him. It’s not like things were better back then. Even if he had fallen in love with her, he had only started all that to get one over on Andy. His brother had everything. He was useful on the farm, he had the girl, he had Jack’s respect and approval. Robert was just a disappointment. Jack hated that he wanted nothing to do with the farm, he hated him kissing another boy. So he’d gone after Katie. It had all been a game at first. The love had come later and then he’d gone and screwed it all up. He was good at that. He’d done it with Aaron too. 

He downs the rest of his pint and looks down at his phone as if suddenly a text is going to come through. Sometimes he can’t believe he’s still waiting for a reply from Aaron when it was clear whatever they had between them was over. Still, he can feel Aaron’s eyes on him from across the crowded pub and he likes it. 

“You gonna be on your phone all night?” Vic pokes him in the arm. “This was supposed to be a family thing.” 

Andy snorts across the table and finishes off his own drink. 

“What did I tell yous when we got here?” Vic asks. “Be nice, I said!” 

“Sorry Vic,” Robert says. He should at least try, for her. Standing up, he nods at Andy. “I’ll get the next round.” 

“One for me too?” Vic asks, eyes wide. 

“Diane said one drink,” Andy warns her. 

It’s New Year’s. Robert doesn’t see the problem but far be it from him to argue with Andy or Diane. He knows he’d only be wrong and he’s been wrong enough lately. Grabbing Andy’s glass, he heads up to the bar. Ryan’s there too, talking in low voices with Maisie. He’s not eavesdropping but he can see the tension between them and the glances back at Katie. There has to be something going on there. Robert’s had those kind of conversations before. He could make it a point to warn Katie, but there’s no way she would believe him and besides, she’s hardly been nice to him since he’s been back. 

Nathan is at the bar too, having a drink with the Sharma brothers. All the rich guys, hanging out together. Seems appropriate. It also makes him jealous, considering how he and Andy are struggling. They talked more about hiring someone on to help with the lambing, but he’s not sure it’s really in the budget. He’s been neglecting going after that contract. He’s been neglecting everything as Andy is always quick to point out. When he came back here, he wanted to do things differently, make people see a new side to him, and now he feels like he’s sliding back into old patterns. It’s the new year though. If there was ever a time to make a change, not would be it. He’s going to get that contract, get them out from under Nathan’s thumb, and he’s going to fix things with Aaron. 

“Three pints please Diane,” he asks. 

“Three?” she questions. “I said Victoria could have one drink. Not that I think she’d drink a pint anyway.” 

“I know. It’s not for her. It’s for Aaron,” he says, gesturing toward him across the bar, staring down at something or other. He can’t quite see. 

“Robert,” she starts. 

“It’s one drink, on New Year’s Eve and you let Vic have one and she’s younger than him,” he points out. 

“Yes, but that’s because she’s under my supervision,” Diane says. 

“Please. Just this once. He’s gonna be eighteen in like six days anyway,” Robert adds to try and sway her. 

“Fine,” she finally relents. “One drink.” 

“Cheers!” he allows himself a smile. 

\---

The clock on his phone tells Aaron it’s getting close to midnight though it feels like he just got here. He can hear some craziness happening around him, someone getting slapped, people shouting but he doesn’t even look up until there’s a pint placed in front of him. Cool amber liquid, a foaming top, near spilling over the side. His face contorts in confusion as he sees Diane’s smiling face over the top of the glass. 

“What?” he asks. 

“From Robert,” Diane tells him. 

He feels his eyes widen involuntarily as he glances past her to see Robert raising his own glass toward him. There’s a smile on his face, the genuine one he saves for him, not the smug smirk he usually wears. He gives him a wink too, he thinks, he swears. It’s all Aaron can do not to turn red as he picks up the glass, gives him a quick nod and downs half of it to calm his nerves. He watches him take the drinks he ordered back to his table before returning to his phone. The text is there, as always, staring back at him, but finally, maybe he’s ready to reply. 

‘Thanks for the drink’ he types out and pauses, thinking about the ‘x’. He erases it, like he has all the others and settles on ‘Happy New Year’ instead. His own ‘x’ key stares up at him now, taunting him, teasing him, daring him to add it. It’s just a text. It’s not like it really means anything. That’s a lie; it means everything. No one has to know though. It’s just a letter. It’s not like he’s really giving in to anything. Does it matter if he is? 

He picks up the glass and tips it back, downing the rest of the pint in one go. The countdown to midnight has started. If he’s going to do it, it’s now or never. 

10…

He presses down the ‘x’ key. 

9…

He hits send. 

8…

He grabs his coat and throws it on. 

7…

He pushes his way through the crowd toward the door. There’s no way he can stay to see his reaction. 

6…

He can’t handle it. 

\---

5…

Robert listens to the countdown as he sips his own pint. 

4…

He hates that the drink didn’t seem to work, not exactly how he wanted it to anyway. 

3…

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out to see a text from Aaron. 

2…

The ‘x’ is the only thing he sees. 

1…

He stands up, ignoring the toast that Andy is raising toward him and looks around for Aaron. 

Happy New Year!

All around him, people are shouting and celebrating and more importantly, kissing. He hardly even notices Katie looking around for Ryan after he had run out after Maisie. Only enough to note that she isn’t Aaron and then his eyes keep moving. He wants to find him, drag him off somewhere and kiss him properly. There’s enough alcohol flowing through him that he thinks that he can without Jack’s voice pushing through. Aaron’s not at the bar where he had been though and a quick scan of the pub doesn’t yield any results either. He shoves his phone in his pocket and ignores the questions from his siblings as he shoves his way through the crowds to get outside. 

He’s greeted by a rush of cold air, the laughter of Eli Dingle as he runs by with a party hats on his elbows and the sound of fireworks bursting overhead. There’s no Aaron though. Even as he glances up toward Smithy cottage, he doesn’t see him. He pokes his head around the other side of the Woolpack, looking for him, but all he finds is Ryan kissing Maisie against the wall. He files that away for later as he races back around to the front. 

Gennie and Jamie Hope followed him out and are trying to corral Eli. “You haven’t seen Aaron have you?” he asks. 

“No,” Gennie answers for the three of them. 

He wonders if maybe he missed him somehow inside and turns to head back in only to run straight into Katie. “Sorry,” he mumbles. 

“Watch where you’re going!” she shouts at him. 

Inside, it’s still chaos, the singing of Auld Lang Syne, getting off key quickly amongst the drunken voices. He turns around and around, scanning the pub once more, getting jostled by swaying, off balance bodies. Still, he comes up empty, Aaron nowhere to be found. He fishes his phone out of his pocket again, wondering if maybe there will be another text, but there’s nothing. Stealing a seat at the bar, he starts to type out a response. Even if he can’t give Aaron a proper kiss at midnight, he’s not going to leave him hanging, even if Aaron did it to him at Christmas. The fact that Aaron actually reached out to him though, the fact that he ended the message with a kiss. It seemed monumental somehow, even more than the almost kiss up at the farm. He knew what he was doing this time and he did it anyway, even taking into account the buzz of drinking a pint that fast. He smiles at that, as he types out, ‘Happy New Year to you too. X’. He’s determined to make this year better than the last. 

\---

Breathing heavily, Aaron closes the door to Smithy cottage behind him. He’s not sure he’s ever run so fast in his life. He squeezes his eyes shut as he leans against the solidity of the thick wooden door, trying to ground himself. In the pocket of his coat, he feels the vibration of his phone and he ignores it for a second, not sure he can stand to look at it. Eventually, he can’t stand not to look at it though, and yanks it out. Turning it on, he sees the text, sees the returned ‘x’ and smiles. His stomach is doing backflips and he feels shaky all over. He doesn’t quite know what any of this really means or how he feels about it, but the first few moments of the new year have him smiling and that can’t be a bad thing.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Aaron's 18th birthday and Robert take Aaron into town for a drink, but does the night end there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took me forever. I kept having other projects get in the way. Thanks to everyone that's still reading and leaving comments. I really appreciate it!

January 2010

“How are things up at the farm?” Katie asks as she sips at her white wine. 

“Well enough I suppose,” Andy tells her. “Could always use your stable business back though, if you ever get tired of being up at Home Farm.”

“Could use her rent more like,” Robert mutters into his nearly empty pint glass, idly stopping the little drip over the side of the glass with his finger. 

“Robert!” Andy scolds him but he just shrugs him off, wipes his fingers on his trousers and listens to his stomach rumble. 

They've been sat here for an hour and he's already bored out of his skull, trying to play nice and be civil. He can only amuse himself so much watching the way Maisie glares at Katie from behind the bar as she cozies up to Ryan across the table from him. It's not like he's lying either. They could use the money. He'd spent the last four days tied up at the farm, trying to get everything ready for lambing season. They'd talked again about getting in some help but he's had a look over the books again and they definitely can't afford it. Robert had made a passing suggestion to Andy that maybe he could get another job and earn some real money to put back into the farm but the look of betrayal on his brother’s face had quieted him quickly. 

“You may be a pain, but I can’t do this without you Rob,” Andy had admitted to him and how could he refuse, even if he was itching to get off the farm and do anything else. 

So instead of looking for a job he calls that PA again and begs for another meeting, spending the rest of the day working on his business plan to try and impress him. He knows he can do this if he can just get a meeting. It might help though if he could manage to scrape together some quick cash to offer as a sweetener though. He wonders if Aaron knows if the Dingles have anything he could get in on perhaps but just thinking about Aaron distracts him all over again. He hasn’t heard much from him since New Year’s Eve, though they have exchanged the odd one or two word texts here and there, just letting the other know that they’re busy. The farm has kept him occupied but he wonders if Aaron actually is. They haven’t made any plans to see each other and Robert feels like maybe Aaron is running scared again, maybe they both are. Sending a text is one thing but making it all real is quite another. 

“So when are you moving in?” Andy asks Ryan, pulling Robert out of his thoughts. His stomach growls again and he thinks maybe it’s time he got up to get some food. 

He looks up toward the bar to see Maisie watching closely, pausing in the middle of pulling a pint like she’s listening and waiting for the answer. “Oh, I don’t know yet,” Ryan stumbles over his answer. 

“Soon, I should hope,” Katie adds, the sharpness in her voice making it evident to Robert that this has been an ongoing discussion. 

It’s almost physically painful trying to hold back the secrets he knows. He can destroy everything Katie thinks she has with just a few words. It would be so easy to do it. That she deserves to know, is probably the only thing that keeps him from saying anything. She wouldn’t thank him for it. Secrets never stay buried for long anyway though, not around here. The intensity of Maisie’s glare suggests Katie’s ‘soon’ will end up having an entirely different meaning. The conversation moves on, but Robert’s leg bounces underneath the table in anticipation of it all. It only stills for a moment when Aaron walks into the bar before starting up again at a faster pace, his heart racing along in time with it. 

He looks good, Robert thinks, cheeks flushed from the January chill, wrapped up in his winter coat and overalls tied at his waist. Leaning his elbows on the bar, Aaron mumbles something to Maisie that he can’t make out, but Robert isn’t really listening. Instead, he can’t help but stare at the way the overalls hug his arse and this time, he doesn’t scold himself for enjoying it. He’s trying, trying to shut out the voice in his head that tells him he shouldn’t want this. It’s still loud though but it’s starting to quiet. 

“Seriously, Rob!” Andy chuckles beside him. 

“Huh?” He glances over at his brother to see him gesturing toward Aaron. 

“If you’re gonna stare at him all day, why don’t you just go and sort things out already. Honestly, you’ve been a moody git since you two stopped being friends or whatever is going on between you two,” Andy moans at him. 

“Nothing’s going on,” Robert says immediately, it’s a reflex at this point. 

“Well whatever nothing it is, it’s had Aaron moody too,” Ryan chips in. Andy and Katie both give him a look, so he adds, “Well, moodier than usual. Seriously, mate, put us all out of our misery!” 

“Yeah, at least fix things enough so we can get some free labor up at the farm,” Andy laughs. 

“You shouldn’t be encouraging it,” Katie tells them. “Chas was hardly thrilled they were friends in the first place. She’s been well pleased not to see them together lately.”

 

“Like she gets any say anymore,” Robert sneers at her, feeling a wash of Aaron’s pain as remembers him sobbing in his arms that day. 

“Excuse me?” Katie’s mouth drops open like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. 

He opens his mouth to defend Aaron again when Andy cuts him off, clearly not wanting anything to kick off between him and Katie. “Just go kiss and make up already!” 

Robert gulps. That’s exactly what he wants to do. Aaron turns his head back over his shoulder slightly and spots him along with the others. If he’s happy to see him, he doesn’t show it, just swivels his head back to the bar as Maisie sets a coke in front of him. Andy’s not exactly wrong; it is past time that he and Aaron got back on track. Upending his pint, he swallows down what’s left of his liquid courage and gets to his feet, his legs shaking a bit. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous but he can’t seem to help it. He just hopes no one else notices, especially Aaron. 

“Getting another pint,” he says as a lame excuse and shuffles around Andy to get to the bar. Behind him, he hears Ryan give him a wolf whistle and he only hopes his cheeks aren’t too bright red. It’s not like they know anything; they’d never suspect it of either of them. 

“What’s that all about?” Aaron asks him when Robert nestles in beside him at the counter, elbows touching. They both look down at the contact and Robert sees him blush slightly. 

“Ignore them,” he says quickly, “I’ve been doing it all day.” 

He is trying to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t seem to be working. He can feel Aaron tense beside him, like he’s trying to decide whether to run for the door or something. The silence between them is thick and awkward and he hates it. It never used to be like this between them. Maisie drifts back over, plops a cheeseburger and chips down in front of Aaron but isn’t even looking at him, only having eyes for Ryan and Katie still at the table behind them. 

“Same again, please,” he raises his voice slightly to get her attention. 

She glances back at him, watches him wave his glass at her. “Whatever,” she says grabs the glass from his hand to pull him another pint. 

“Always charming, that one,” he says more to fill the void than anything. Aaron doesn’t say anything back but Robert can see the barest hint of a grin on his face and he takes that as a sign that this is okay. Taking it a step further, he reaches his hand over and nicks a chip off of Aaron’s plate and quickly shoves it in his mouth. 

“Oi! What was that for?” Aaron shouts at him, but the full smile that now graces his face betrays him. As if on cue, Robert’s stomach growls again and Aaron’s grin grows wider. “Fine, but get your own next time.” 

His stomach is begging for more, so he steals another one and this time Aaron just gives him a sideways glare, light and teasing, taunting him to try and take another. “So,” he says, chancing one more grab for a chip. Aaron swats his hand away. “Your birthday’s tomorrow?” He poses it as a question, fishing to see if he has any plans made. 

He shrugs, moves the arm that was touching his and slides his plate over an inch so Robert has better access to the chips. “‘S not a big deal,” he says. 

“It’s your eighteenth!” Robert protests. “No big Dingle do planned?”

Robert regrets saying that as soon as it comes out of his mouth, but even more when Aaron gives him a casual, “Nah” and another shrug as he turns his focus to his so far neglected cheeseburger. 

“At least I’ll be able to buy you a proper drink now,” Robert tries. “You know, without it being a major holiday and having to sweet talk Diane first.” 

Cheeseburger back on the plate, Aaron cracks a small smile at that but doesn’t respond. Robert frowns slightly. He just wants to get back to how they used to be, well, that’s not exactly true. He wants to be more than that. Aaron may have made the first move that day he tried to kiss him, but he can see that he’s going to have to be the one to do it this time. Swallowing hard over the lump forming in his throat, he takes a deep breath, steadying his hands on the counter in front him as Maisie finally sets his drink down in front of him. 

“Let me take you out tomorrow,” he blurts out. 

Aaron turns to him, eyes wide, his mouth opening slightly, but no words come out. His hands slide back, gripping the edge of the bar, white knuckles showing. Robert lets his hands drift to the edge too, looks around for a moment, seeing Andy, Katie and Ryan absorbed in their own conversation, Maisie’s eyes glued on them as well. Inching closer, he lets his hand rest against Aaron’s, pinky finger brushing against his. It’s stupid, it’s like he’s back in school with his first crush and yet it feels monumental. This isn’t the farmhand though, or those two random blokes he was with in London, this is different, real. He’s never done this before. 

“Let me take you out,” he says again, calmer this time and he can see Aaron’s death grip on the bar start to ease up a bit. “We’ll go somewhere in town,” he adds and nods at the pub around them. “Get out of the fishbowl for a bit.” 

Aaron nods slowly even though he looks a bit unsure of himself, his cheeks flushed again like when he’d just come in from outside. Robert thinks he understands. This is big for both of them. 

“Great!,” he flashes him a smile as he brushes his hand against his one more time before he grabs his drink. “We can meet here around seven, get a taxi, yeah?” He plays if off like it’s nothing, but he needs Aaron’s conformation. His heart is racing; he’s never been so nervous asking someone out before. And it is a date, he thinks. 

“Yeah,” Aaron says quietly, half to his plate, before turning slightly and offering him a shy smile in return. 

Relief floods through him at Aaron’s answer, though it doesn’t stop the rapid beating of his heart. Condensation on the glass in his hand almost makes him lose his grip on it as he retreats back to his table. Smoothe Robert, he chastises himself, as he settles back into his seat, keeping his eyes on Aaron. He hopes he doesn’t make a fool of himself tomorrow. 

\---

Buttoning up his shirt, Aaron stands in front of the mirror in his room for what feels like the hundredth time. Half his wardrobe is strewn across his bed and he thinks he might have tried everything on at least twice. This time it’s a red plaid shirt. Looks alright, he guesses, but he’s not sure. His stomach won’t stop fluttering and his heart’s been racing since Robert left him at the bar the night before. It’s definitely a date, he thinks, maybe anyway. 

“You look sharp,” Paddy says, poking his head into the room through the slightly opened door. 

Aaron’s heart leaps up into his throat as he turns around to see him standing there. If Paddy thinks he looks good, then he definitely needs to change. Pulling at the buttons, he tears the shirt off and Paddy lets out a little chuckle, waving at all of the clothes thrown about. 

“You got yourself a birthday date or something?” he asks. 

Aaron freezes, halfway to the bed to grab another option. “What? No!” 

“You do!” Paddy teases him. “Is that why you didn’t want to do anything for your birthday?” 

Paddy had been driving him crazy all day, trying to convince him to let him help celebrate, but he had brushed him off every time, never giving him a straight answer. How could he? It’s not like he could tell him what was really going on. No one could know, ever. His mum had tried with him too, suddenly remembering he existed again. He had been in the pub for his dinner break and she had tried to buy him a pint. Pointedly ignoring her, he had wolfed down the rest of his chips and left the still full glass on the counter, not even bothering with it. He had this stupid idea that he wanted Robert to be the one to buy him his first legal drink. 

“So...who is she?” Paddy asks, still stuck in his doorway. “Someone from college?” 

His stomach drops. This is why no one could ever know. They’d think he was disgusting. It’s what he thought about himself, even if he was trying not to, trying to ignore the voice in his head that told him this was all a terrible idea. He couldn’t lie to himself anymore though; he wanted Robert. 

“It’s not a date,” he says firmly. “Just going into town with a mate.” 

“A mate,” Paddy says with air quotes and a pitiful excuse for a wink. 

“Yes, Paddy, a mate,” he tells him again. “It’s just Robert.” Just Robert, as if it could ever be ‘just’ Robert. He hopes that puts an end to the questions though. 

“Oh,” Paddy says. “Didn’t realize you two were friends again.”

“Yeah, well, we are. Deal with it!” He’s being short with him now, but he wants him to get out so he can finish getting ready. 

Paddy doesn’t seem to be taking the hint, still loitering there. “So you’re going out on the pull then?” he grins at him again. “You know you can borrow one of my shirts if you’d like!”

“I’m not going anywhere if you don’t get out and let me get ready,” Aaron huffs, shuffling towards him to try and shoo him out. “And considering the state of your love life, Patrick, I think I’ll stick to me own shirts!” 

Paddy opens his mouth to protest but Aaron slams the door in his face, turning back to his mess of a bed. Fishing out his black jumper, he pulls it over his head and looks in the mirror again. This will have to do, he thinks as he glances at the clock, or he’ll be late. Thundering down the stairs, he grabs his coat from the hook by the door and shrugs it on. Paddy’s there again, watching him with a wry amusement on his face that Aaron would love nothing more than to wipe away with his fist. He hates this, even if he’s been looking forward to it all day. 

“Happy birthday, Aaron,” Paddy tells him for the twentieth time that day. He supposes he should just be grateful people remembered his birthday this year, unlike last year, or like Robert earlier this year. 

“Yeah, cheers,” he accepts it. “Don’t wait up.” 

Outside, his feet move as quick as his heartbeat. He tries to slow down, doesn’t want to look too eager, but he can’t seem to help himself. It takes a few moments before he spots him but when he does, he feels his breath catch in his throat, which is ridiculous considering he’s seen him a thousand times. It feels different though now. As he draw closer, he gets a better look. He’s leaning against one of the picnic tables, fingers drumming against the wood like he’s just as nervous as he is. Maybe he is. His hair looks a bit shorter and Aaron’s not sure if it was like that yesterday, but he promises he’s going to pay more attention. It looks good though, windswept, a few strands hanging across his forehead. His cheeks are red from the cold and he shivers a bit, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dark green jacket. He’s wearing those jeans that fit just right too and Aaron is certainly appreciative. When Robert hears him approaching, he looks up at him and grins, the wide smile taking up half his face. It’s definitely a date, Aaron says to himself, not that he has a whole lot to compare it to. He certainly never felt like this when he hung out with Vic. 

“Hiya,” he says when he gets there, rocking back and forth on his feet, unable to stand still. 

Robert pushes off from the table, standing a bit closer to him, matching his swaying motion, seemingly unable to be still either. “Hi,” he says and it’s almost shy and Robert Sugden doesn’t really do shy. “Happy birthday.” 

“Thanks,” Aaron replies, looking down at their feet. If he keeps looking at that bright smile on his face, he’s not sure what will happen and he’s still not sure what he wants to happen. 

\---

The taxi arrives shortly after Aaron so he doesn’t get too long to just take him in, which maybe is for the best considering he hardly knew what to say. It’s absurd really, they’ve hung out a thousand times before now. Robert goes first, opening the door for him, but Aaron just looks at him like he’s lost his mind so he gets in and scoots across the back seat, giving the driver the address, as Aaron clambers in after him. 

The drive into Hotten is quiet mostly, just a ‘so where are we going?’ and a ‘a pub that I know’ pass between them. Those are the only words anyway, but they can’t seem to stop glancing over at one another and they don’t always look away when their eyes meet. Their hands rest between them on the middle seat, inching closer and closer towards each other until they’re touching, just brushing together easily like it’s nothing, like this is something that they do. Robert doesn’t think he’s ever seen Aaron smile this much either, even if he does keep trying to hide it. He can feel his heart swell in his chest that he’s the cause of it. The ride is over before he even realizes it, the car pulling to a stop in front of a pub he’s been to a few times. 

When he gets out after paying the driver, he hears music coming from down the street. Aaron seems oblivious, but Robert can’t help himself but glance in that direction. The music is coming from Bar West. He knows the bar, though he’s never been in, never had the courage to, not while his dad was still alive. He’s not sure he’ll ever be ready for it, but definitely not tonight. 

“We going in?” Aaron asks him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert says, half heartedly putting an arm around his shoulder and pulling him inside. He’s not quite sure where the boundaries lie, especially in public. 

The pub is busy for a Tuesday night and loud, though maybe that will help him. He hates that he’s so flipping nervous, but he doesn’t want to mess things up again. All those weeks they weren’t speaking killed him and he’s not in a hurry to repeat that. They look around for a table and Aaron spots one in the corner, rushing over to snag it just as another group leaves it. Robert grins at him and points at the bar, going up to order them some drinks and food. 

“I hope a burger is alright with you,” he says as he comes back with two full pint glasses, near spilling over onto his hands. He sets one down in front of Aaron and matches his smile as he wraps his hands around it eagerly. 

“Yeah, perfect,” Aaron shouts over the cacophony of other voices that surround them.

Robert takes the seat across from him, their knees knocking under the table, but instead of moving them apart like they had in the past, they leave them where they are. Picking up his own drink, he raises it, holding it out to Aaron. “Happy birthday...again,” he says, a lopsided smile he can’t control on his face.

“Cheers!” Aaron replies, clinking their glasses together. 

“To starting over,” Robert adds in, because that’s what they’re doing right? They both know that this was always more than just friendship. 

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees and then tips his glass back, taking a big gulp and swallowing it down. 

He watches his adam’s apple bob as the liquid slides down his throat but can’t help himself but laugh when he notices just how much has disappeared from the glass. “You might want to slow down there,” he warns him. “No one’s gonna take it from you. We’ve got all night.” 

Wiping at the foam on his lip with the back of his hand, Aaron laughs and he does love that sound. “Guess I got a bit carried away, eh,” he says. “Thanks, you know, for this.” 

He looks unsure again and Robert wants him to know that there’s nowhere else he’d rather be right now. “Of course,” he tells him. 

\---

They’re on their second round of drinks, Aaron trying desperately to sip at his because Robert laughs at him every time he takes too big of a gulp, like he’s trying to get it all down before someone takes it away from him. Still, the buzz of alcohol is coursing through him and the pub is a touch too warm with the press of people packed in tight to get out of the cold outside. He feels a bit lightheaded, giddy maybe, as he feels Robert’s knee pressed against his, the touch keeping him tethered to the present. The remains of their burgers are spread out across the table before them. He had devoured his but Robert is still picking at his plate, half a mound of chips waiting to be eaten. It’s only right, he muses, as he reaches across the table and nicks one of them. 

“Oi!” Robert yells over the sounds of the crowded pub, grabbing his hand.

They both freeze, just staring at their hands clasped together. It’s not like they’re properly holding hands or anything and he’s not sure he even wants to. He always said he never wanted to be part of that freakshow, but it feels strangely nice. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Robert asks, the first one to find his voice. 

“Just payback after yesterday,” he shoots back, giving him a cheeky grin. 

“Hmm, you may have a point there. Though I only took three, so you’ve got yourself two more free ones.” 

“Sound,” Aaron says, shoving the chip in his mouth and reaching for another. 

After, he lays his hand down in the center of the table, palm up, and lets it rest there for a moment. It takes a second but Robert sees it and lays his hand down next to his, inching it closer. Instinctively, they both glance around them, checking to see if the coast is clear and then Robert slides his hand over his. It’s still an awkward way to hold hands, but maybe they’ll get more time to practice, he thinks fleetingly, before they both pull away. Too risky, but it wasn’t bad, enough for now. He steals a third chip from Robert’s plate to ease the sudden tension between them, bringing the smile back to Robert’s face. 

“So,” he starts out, “how was your Christmas then?” 

“Got bored enough to text you didn’t I?” Robert laughs. “Nah it was fine I guess. Got into it with Andy, but that’s nothing new.” 

“Suppose not,” Aaron says, taking another sip of his drink. 

“How about you?” 

“Rubbish really,” Aaron sighs. “Mum showed up, everyone was rowing and I got drunk while they played charades. That text did make it a bit better though.” 

Robert smiles at him, pressing his other knee against his under the table. “Good. And New Year’s was looking up.”

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees. “Definitely.” 

\---

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Robert glances at the time. It’s getting late. They’re both due in work tomorrow, but he’s hardly ready for the night to end. Once they had started talking, they couldn’t seem to stop. They had a lot to catch up on and they’re down to the dregs of a fourth pint each before the conversation finds a natural lull. 

“What time is it?” Aaron asks. 

“Almost eleven. If we’re going to actually get a taxi back, we should probably go,” Robert replies, his disappointment clear. 

Aaron’s face falls as well, though he nods in agreement, sliding off his chair to stand. Aside from brief trips to the bar to order more drinks, it’s the first time all night that they’ve been physically disconnected from each other and Robert mourns the loss of contact as he heads back to the bar to close out his tab. They shuffle outside into the cold night air, a light snow flurrying around them, closing them into their own little snow globe of a world as they stand close, shoulders touching, waiting for the taxi. 

Aaron still won’t let him open the door for him. “I’m not an invalid you muppet,” he argues. 

“Just trying to be a gentleman,” Robert quips back. 

He looks at him oddly, as if he’s considering it, but then pushes him into the taxi. “Well don’t,” he says as he gets in beside him, sitting closer than they did on the way there, legs touching. “It’s weird. 

Robert just grins at him and takes the hand that lays between them into his, lacing their fingers together. Aaron stares down at them, but doesn’t pull away. He does repeatedly glance up at the driver, like he’s trying to see if he’s noticed, but it doesn’t seem like it. Still, he knows this is all going to take some getting used to, for both of them. 

The taxi pulls up outside the Woolpack before either of them are ready. Luckily, there's no one outside, so they can stay in their own world a bit longer. Aaron even accepts his help getting out of the cab, a little unsteady on his feet. 

“Lightweight,” Robert teases him as Aaron leans against his shoulder a bit. 

He straightens up at the word to prove a point. “Am not!” 

“I on the other hand, am perfectly fine,” Robert proclaims as he pays the driver and the taxi speeds off. 

They're alone again, the night coming to a close, lights from the pub creating a hazy glow around them. Soft oranges and yellows dance across Aaron's face, his dark jacket, as he shifts from one foot to the other. He's wanted to kiss him all night and now would be the time, a good night kiss. He wants to but he hesitates. There's still some life inside the Woolpack and someone could still come out and catch them. He could walk him back to Smithy. He wants to, but that would bring the night to an end and he doesn't want that either. Plus, Paddy could be waiting up for him. He knows he's being a bit ridiculous. If he wants to kiss him, he should just drag him off around the side of the pub and kiss him. It's not like he hasn't kissed a bloke before, but this is Aaron and he doesn't want to mess it up. 

“I could…” he gestures toward Smithy Cottage anyway. 

Aaron follows the direction of his hand, stops shifting for a moment. “Not yet,” he breathes out, a whisper. 

He checks his phone again. “Still got a few minutes left of your birthday.” They have work, but Robert doesn't care. He can handle Andy. He glances toward the pub, thinks about the keys he has in his pocket. “Could always steal us a bottle of something, take it somewhere.”

“The cricket pavilion?” Aaron suggests, a hopeful lilt to his voice. 

“Perfect,” Robert grins at him. 

\---

Aaron waits while Robert ducks in the side door into the back room of the pub. He shoves his hands into his pockets. They’re shaking a bit and not just from the cold. The night has gone better than he ever could have imagined and the buzz of the alcohol flowing through him, is quieting the voice in his head that says he doesn’t deserve this, that says this is wrong, that says his dad is winning. He thinks about Robert’s hand in his across the table at the bar or in the taxi, thinks about how right it feels between them, thinks about how much he does want to kiss him for real, but he can’t shake the thought that this is all because of him, that he turned him into this. One thing he’s grateful for is that Robert seems as unsure about all of this as he does. He thought if he ever gave in, tried to be with a bloke they’d want to tell everyone. He doesn’t want anyone to know. The thought of his family finding out nearly makes him bolt but he forces himself to stay. 

Pulling his hands out of his pockets again, he blows hot air on them, trying to keep them warm. All the beer isn’t even helping. He probably should have brought gloves but then, he didn’t think he’d be standing outside the Woolpack forever waiting for Robert to come back out. Eventually, he’s pacing, walking in rings around the picnic tables because he can’t stand still anymore or he’ll go mad. If someone came out now, they’d probably think he was though. Finally the door opens and Robert emerges, holding up the stolen bottle like a prize along with two glasses.

“Is that why you’ve kept me waiting out here? For those?” he points at them. “Only you would think to bring glasses.” 

“We can still be civilized,” Robert tells him as he drapes the arm with the bottle over his shoulder and steers him toward the cricket pavilion. 

Aaron glances at the label and notes that it’s the good stuff. He wonders how much Diane will be fuming when she finds out it’s gone missing. Right now, he doesn’t much care though, Robert’s arm around him keeping him warm as they walk across the bridge, tipsy and leaning into each other. When they reach the pavilion, they don’t go in, simply settling down on the steps outside. Robert leans against the frame of the railing and Aaron sits down next to him, scooting over just too far so their whole bodies are pressed up against each other. The darkness of the night closes around them out here. They’re all alone and Aaron feels a boldness surge through him. 

Grabbing the bottle from Robert he unscrews the top and pours it into the waiting glasses, much more than a normal shot, but he thinks he’ll need it. He takes one glass and raises it up to toast again. “To…” he pauses. They’ve already toasted his birthday enough times. This is about something else. “Well...you know.” 

Even in the dark, he can see the lopsided grin on Robert’s face, the moonlight reflecting through the glass to give his lips a silvery glow. “Yeah,” he says, “I know.” 

\---

Robert glances past Aaron to where the bottle sits on the steps, the whiskey inside disappearing too quickly. He’s going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow but nothing matters right now, not with the warmth of Aaron’s body pressed up against his. He never thought he’d get here with Aaron but it’s nice, almost feels normal, which is not something he ever thought he’d feel with a guy, even though he still has that nagging voice in his head that says it’s anything but. He pushes it down, doesn’t want to listen to it as Aaron lets his head rest on his shoulder, the new weight there making him feel a little lightheaded, but like he can do anything. Maybe. 

Reaching across Aaron’s body, he goes to grab for the bottle again, needs a bit more liquid courage, but then Aaron’s face is just there in front of him, his lips slightly downturned in his infamous scowl at the loss of his makeshift pillow. Now, Robert thinks to himself, abandoning the whiskey and bringing his hand up to cup Aaron’s cheek instead. He leans in just a bit further and kisses him before he can talk himself out of it again. It’s sloppy, half missing Aaron’s lips because he’s drunk, but it’s also perfect because it’s finally happening. Aaron shifts away for a second, his eyes wide with surprise but then he settles again and lets Robert guide his lips back to his. This is all he’s wanted to do for months now. 

\---

Robert’s lips are on his. It’s a statement, a fact, a thing that’s happening. Aaron can barely comprehend it even though it’s all he’s wanted for months now, not that he’d ever admit to that. It’s stupid, but he finally feels like he understands what kissing is all about, why people like it so much. He feels Robert’s tongue on his bottom lip, like he’s asking for permission so he lets his lips part and feels Robert’s tongue press inside his mouth. He tastes like the whiskey they’ve been drinking. Aaron’s head is spinning, though he’s not sure if it’s because he’s drunk or the fact that finally, he’s kissing Robert properly. 

\---

They part for air, briefly, and he catches a glimpse of Aaron’s blue eyes, shining in the moonlight. Robert swallows hard. He’s gorgeous like this and he knows he wants more. Diving in again, he moves his hands in a pitifully uncoordinated fashion from his face down his neck to his shoulders and then to the zipper on his jacket, pulling it down. It’s not like he’s not done this before, but he’s more nervous now than he’s ever been. The zip gets stuck halfway down and it takes him a second to get it going again, his lips struggling to remain connected to Aaron’s as he fiddles with it. It allows time for that voice to force its way back into his head again, telling him he should be home right now, getting some sleep so he can help Andy in the morning. It sounds suspiciously like his father’s voice, saying he’s a disappointment yet again. He buries it once more, barrels on past it, pushing Aaron’s jacket off his shoulders and running his hands down his chest to his waist. He grabs on, like Aaron is his anchor, keeping him tethered to this moment. 

\---

Aaron feels the wind at his exposed neck now that the collar of his jacket is gone, feels it biting at the thin fabric of his jumper at his shoulders. Robert’s hands are at his waist and it feels half like a comfort and half like a trap. The voice he’s been fighting all day finally breaks through his whiskey haze, the cold air helping break down the barriers he’d built up against it. Every taste he gets of Robert, as good as it is, it also feels like he’s losing. He doesn’t want to give this up, but the voice is so loud now, it’s screaming at him. Wrenching himself away, out of Robert’s grip, he skitters across the step, knocking the half empty bottle of whiskey over. The liquid gleams in the moonlight as it spills over one step and drips down the second. He feels like all of his defenses against the voice are flowing out of the glass with it, drip drip dripping away. 

“Aaron?” Robert questions and he can hear the hurt in his voice and he hates himself more for putting it there. 

He’s up on his feet, swaying unsteadily over Robert, who looks up at him, eyes wide and more vulnerable than he’s ever seen them. “I-I,” he stutters. He needs to be anywhere else but here right now. 

“Aaron,” Robert says again. This time it’s not a question but like he’s already begging him not to run. 

“I can’t,” he says, backing up, down the steps and out into the field. 

“Aaron wait!” Robert calls after him, running to catch up. “Please don’t go!” 

“I just…” he starts, trying to find some kind of believable explanation but he can’t think over the pounding in his brain, the whiskey fueled headache clashing with his father’s voice shouting at him. “I have to go.” He starts off again but he feels horrible. He may not be able to do this, but he can’t hate Robert for it. Stopping, Aaron lets him catch up just for a second, turning over his shoulder. “Thanks for tonight,” he offers. “Really.” Then he’s off again, racing across the bridge for the safety of home, leaving Robert behind.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Robert and Aaron can't stop thinking about the kiss, even if both of them are still a bit unsure about it all. A customer makes Aaron feel uncomfortable and the boys eventually come to an agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took forever, but thanks for all of the comments on the last one. Always appreciated. I managed to get one more canon scene in here that I totally forgot about when a customer at the garage flirts with Aaron. Takes on a bit of a different meaning in this chapter, but it works.

January 2010

The distance from the Woolpack to the cricket pavilion felt like nothing when he’d been tucked under Robert’s arm but the race back to Smithy feels like an eternity no matter how fast he’s running. Finally, he reaches the front door, nearly slamming into it in his attempt to stop. He doubles over, clutching at his chest and his stomach both. Nausea raises bile inside of him, threatening to force its way out of him but he swallows it down hard in his desperate attempts to breathe. His lungs are on fire, burning away the last of the alcohol haze he’d been in for the last hour sat there with Robert. He can still feel the weight of his hands on his hips, the feel of his tongue inside his mouth. His lips still tingle, like they’re missing the contact and his mind wants to follow suit but he can’t let it. Pushing open the door, he barrels inside, freezing at the light on in the kitchen that backlights Paddy’s hulking figure as he approaches. 

“Shit! Paddy!” he huffs out the words, still trying to catch his breath. “You oughta wear a bell or summat?”

“You what?” Paddy asks, looking confused. 

“I told you not to wait up,” he growls at him. 

“I didn’t!” Paddy protests but Aaron fixes him with a hard glare, still sucking in air into his lungs. “Well...okay...maybe I did but…is everything–” 

“Night Paddy,” he says as he hurries up the stairs. He needs a shower. 

The lights are too bright in the bathroom, so he strips his clothes off in the dark and turns the water on. He’s not sure if he wants it cold or hot but he settles on cold, stepping in with a shiver as the water washes over him, shocking his system. He stays under as long as he can before stepping out without even washing himself. It wasn’t why he needed the shower anyway. His skin is covered in goosebumps as he wraps a towel around his waist and shuffles back to his room, arms full of his clothes. He dumps them on the floor in the corner and remembers that the rest of his wardrobe is still strewn out across his bed. Shoving all of that to the floor, he plucks up a t-shirt and some jogging bottoms and pulls them on before climbing onto his bed. He shudders as he pulls his knees up to his chest and leans back against the wall, feeling completely and utterly out of control. 

Downstairs, he can hear Paddy moving around. There’s a bang of something against the cooker and a little yelp from Paddy. Normally, that would make him laugh, Paddy’s misfortune always gave him a chuckle, but tonight it just seemed all too familiar. It’s quiet for a moment and then he hears the telltale sound of the kettle whistling. For a second, he breathes easier, but then there’s a creaking on the old cottage stairs and his whole body freezes as he listens to the sound of footsteps creeping upstairs, nearing his room. He knows it’s only Paddy and he reminds himself as much, but even still, he can’t move. Not until the door to his room opens with a rusty hinged squeak and he nearly jumps out of his skin. 

“Sorry,” Paddy apologizes when he sees the state of him. “I-I d-didn’t mean to scare you. Just wanted to bring you a cuppa. Thought it might...help...I don’t know. Is everything alright?” 

“‘M fine Paddy,” Aaron forces out, trying to keep his composure. 

“It’s just...well...Aaron, you know you can talk to me...about anything,” Paddy tells him for the thousandth time. 

He’s lucky to have him, he knows that, but right now he just wants to be left alone. Holding out his hand, he figures it’s best just to placate him a little. “Cheers for the tea,” he manages. “I’m fine, really.” He’s not fine. 

“Right, well I’m here. If you need me,” Paddy says quietly, handing him the cup. 

He only manages to nod this time but it seems to be enough for Paddy to leave and shut the door behind him. Curling in on himself even more, he brings the cup of tea to his lips, his hands shaking. The fact that he successfully takes a sip without spilling it all over himself is a miracle. It does nothing to soothe him though so he sets it down on his bedside table and turns away from it, pulling himself into the fetal position as he tries to block everything out of his head. 

He doesn’t sleep, not really. He thinks maybe he closes his eyes a few times, when his eyelids finally grow too heavy but he would hardly call it sleep. He loses count of the nightmares, though he does have one fleetingly short dream about Robert, their lips pressed together. There is a brief smile on his face when he wakes up that time, but it fades just as quickly as the dream. He wants the dream back, wants the real thing back. It was perfect for those few moments where he managed to shove everything else away until the voice in his head had ruined it, until he had ruined it. 

He wakes one more time after his longest stretch of fitful sleep, physically feeling the memory of his dad’s hands holding him down. His skin crawls with the thought and he rolls out of bed, dragging himself to the toilet. Knees slamming against the tiles, he just manages to get his head over the porcelain bowl before he wretches up his insides. 

“Hopefully that’ll teach you a lesson,” Paddy laughs as he pokes his head in. 

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Aaron looks up at him, wide eyed. “What?” His dad always said it was a punishment, something to help him learn his lesson, teach him to behave. He still hasn’t learned. 

“Not to drink so much next time,” Paddy gives him a sympathetic smile. 

“Oh, right,” he sputters as he lays his head down on the toilet seat. His head is pounding. He’s not so sure now if he got sick from the nightmare or from the hangover, maybe both. 

“Cain won’t be pleased with you today,” Paddy tells him. 

Aaron just groans. He’d forgotten all about work. Paddy just shakes his head at him as he makes his way downstairs. Thinking he’s fine, Aaron starts to stand but it seems there’s plenty left in him and he finds himself hunched over the toilet for the next half hour. Finally, he pulls himself together enough for another shower, scalding hot this time, trying to wash everything away again so he can get back to normal. After last night though, he’s not sure he knows what normal is anymore. 

When he makes it back to his room, he rummages through the pockets of his jeans from last night and fishes out his phone. Cain answers on the third ring. “You’re late,” he says gruffly. 

“Sorry,” Aaron sighs. “Sick. Can’t make it in.” 

“Should never have scheduled you in the day after yer eighteenth. Was it worth it?” Cain chuckles down the line. There’s no empathy in his tone the way there was with Paddy’s. 

Aaron’s only response is another groan, his uncle’s laughter only making his headache worse. 

“Right, I’ll let you off this once, but you better be here bright and early tomorrow, sunshine,” Cain tells him and Aaron can almost hear the mocking, smug grin that he probably has plastered across his face. 

“Fine,” he mumbles and ends the call. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone today. 

He’s about to chuck his phone across the room when it pings in his hand and he sees a text from Robert. Opening it, he reads the message over a few times. He says he’s sorry for last night and wants to make sure he’s okay. Backing up to his bed, his legs hit his mattress and he sinks down onto it, still staring at the words. He hates that he’s made him feel like he needs to apologize. Robert didn’t do anything wrong, not really. He doesn’t hate him for it, hate blokes like him. Well, that’s not strictly true, but it’s only because he doesn’t want to be one and they just make him feel a bit...off. Sighing, he lays back across the bed, his arms and head hanging off the other side. He needs to get himself together, get himself right. Still though, he can’t stop thinking about the damn kiss. 

\---

‘I’m fine.’

Robert reads the text again. He’s not sure he believes it, but at least Aaron is texting him back this time unlike last time. The slight reassurance does nothing to ease the rhythmically challenged drum beating in his head though. The side of his face finds the surface of the kitchen table as he lets out a groan. Everything had been going so well. Last night had been close to perfect, he thinks, as he pictures his hand in Aaron’s across the table at the pub, the matching grins on their faces. He thinks about their hands intertwined on the seat between them in the taxi home, the way Aaron mocked him for bringing out glasses for the whiskey. He can still almost feel Aaron’s body pressed up against his on the steps outside the cricket pavilion, feel his lips against his, parting for his tongue. Aaron had kissed him back and it was good, so good. It was everything he had wanted until he had ruined it somehow. He’s still not even quite sure what happened, but he was sure it was probably his fault somehow, usually was. All he knew, was that he didn’t want to pretend like it never happened like they did the last time. He needed to talk to Aaron. 

“Great,” Robert hears Andy mutter as he comes into the kitchen and starts moving about without a care to how him banging around the kettle is hurting him. After a few minutes and a painfully loud whistle, Andy slides a cup of steaming coffee in front of him. “Jesus Rob, how much did you drink last night?”

He shrugs. It doesn’t even matter. All that matters is that he messed everything up, again. 

“Well you’re going to be bloody useless today,” Andy complains as he continues pottering about, cabinet doors opening and closing too loudly. 

“Sorry,” Robert mumbles as he sips at his coffee, the heat of his burning his tongue. Jack would be so disappointed in him. He can see his disapproving face now and he winces at the memory. “I’ll come out and help when I can,” he says. 

“Yeah, you’d better,” Andy chastises him. A plate of toast appears before him suddenly. “And get that down ya. Soak up some of the alcohol.” 

Robert looks up at him, the movement of his eyes making his head hurt more. “Thanks,” he says, and he means it. He’s not sure Andy has ever made this kind of effort with him. He must look especially pitiful then, he decides, as Andy shakes his head at him and heads out the door. 

He forces down the two pieces of toast, not even bothering to butter them or anything. It’s not worth the effort. All tastes like cardboard to him right now anyway but the toast and the coffee do help sober him up a bit. When he feels like he has just strong enough of a foothold in the land of the living, he drags himself away from the table and changes into something mildly respectable before wrapping his coat around himself and heading outside. He’s not ready for manual labor yet so he takes himself for a walk instead, hoping it’ll clear his head. 

It’s no surprise to him when he ends up in the village, wandering by the garage. He’s not sure he expects to find Aaron working, considering how he feels, but he looks anyway and only finds Cain. He tries to turn away but he’s not fast enough and before he knows it Cain is strutting down the gravel drive, hands in his pocket and a smug grin on his face. 

“Oi! Sugden!” he calls out and Robert wishes he was back up on the farm helping Andy. “What did you do to our Aaron?” 

He freezes, panicking all of a sudden. What exactly did Cain know? There’s no way Aaron would have told him. It didn’t seem like either one of them were interested in broadcasting it to the village. Maybe he really had gotten everything spectacularly wrong though and Cain was about to deck him. 

“Ryan says you two went out for his birthday last night. Aaron sounded well hungover on the phone when he called off work earlier. You’ve looked marginally better before too,” he smirks at him and Robert breathes out a sigh of relief. “You two ought to learn to hold your booze better. He’s a Dingle. Should be in his blood.” 

“Piss off Cain!” Robert grumbles and keeps on walking. There’s no point in hanging around to get berated by him if Aaron’s not there. 

He passes Smithy and contemplates seeing if Aaron’s there but he thinks maybe he should wait until they’re both feeling better. He ends up at the cemetery instead, walking down well worn paths until he’s staring down at Jack’s grave. Paling as he reads the words ‘beloved father’, he can almost feel his disapproval coming through the stony facade. He wouldn’t want this for him. He’d want him to be home right now, working side by side with Andy, not loitering outside the house of the boy he kissed, wanting to do it again. And god did he want to kiss him again. 

Robert hears his voice from that day as he had slipped his belt back around his waist. “No more skiving,” he had said at the end of it, sounding defeated and yet still stern. He hadn’t looked at him for weeks afterward though. Robert knew what it had been for, but it was Aaron’s lips against his that he remembered now instead of Tom’s. 

Kneeling down, he places a hand on headstone. “Fuck you,” he says quietly, speaking to the stone. “I’m not going to let you run my life anymore.” He stands then, straightens his spine and walks back toward the farm without looking back even though it kills him. He hopes he meant it, he did, he wants to. He wants Aaron and he thinks Aaron feels the same, if only he can get through to him. 

Andy keeps him busy on the farm the next two days as they make the last few preparations for lambing season, so he doesn’t get a chance to go see Aaron. He texts him though, here and there, just about meaningless things. Andy nearly gets trampled by a rogue sheep, which he finds hilarious, and he sends Aaron a picture of him patching himself up after. Vic nearly burns the kitchen down trying out one of the recipes from the cookbook he got her. After he gets over the panic about the fire, made easier by watching Vic pout over her failure and Andy call for a pizza, he sends Aaron a picture of the charred dish. Aaron responds back but he can tell the messages are a bit strained. He texts him again the next day, asking if they can meet up. 

\---

Aaron reads the text again. Robert wants them to meet up and he’s not sure he can handle it, not sure if he can even answer the text. If they meet up, Robert will want to know what happened that night and he can’t tell him, can’t tell anyone. He just wishes that everything could go back to how it was before he had stupidly tried to kiss him back in October. He had messed everything up that day, even if it did turn out that Robert was clearly interested in him back. It was never going to work out though. Nothing in his life had ever just ‘worked out’. Wasn’t worth trying to force it. 

“Aaron!” Ryan shouts at him and when he finally glances up from his phone, he can see he’s been trying to get his attention for awhile. He sees Nathan standing there too and doesn’t even know when he showed up. “You can cope for a bit can’t ya?” 

“You what?” Aaron asks before he processes what Ryan is asking him. “Are you mad, this guy says he needs his car by half twelve!”

Ryan shrugs, “You can deal with it.” 

Aaron shoves his phone back in his pocket as he watches Ryan and Nathan slope off toward the cafe. “Sure, leave me with all the work,” he grumbles to himself as he gets started. Though in some ways he’s happy for the distraction. At least now he has an excuse not to text Robert back. 

Half an hour later, he’s bent over the engine, tinkering away at it when a new customer comes up, complaining about a problem with his exhaust. He’s a tall, weedy looking fellow with wire rimmed glasses and an unfortunate haircut and he seems all too comfortable just strolling into the garage while he’s working. Aaron doesn’t like him from the start. 

“When’s the last time you had an oil change?” he asks, going through a checklist in his head. 

“Two or three months ago,” the guy responds. 

“Right, and you say there’s black smoke coming out of the exhaust, yeah?” 

The bloke walks around behind him and Aaron can feel his eyes on him. “That, and it lacks power.” Something about the way he says it makes him squirm, so he turns around, wanting to keep his eyes on him. 

“Well that might be your turbocharger,” Aaron diagnoses as he wipes his hands off, squaring his shoulders like he’s half ready for a fight. 

“So, can you fix it,” he asks, taking a step forward and crowding his personal space a bit. “I need to be in town in an hour.” 

Aaron shuffles back a half step. “You’ll be lucky,” he tells him. “I’m good but I’m not that good.” Something in the way the man’s eyes follow him as he heads into the garage makes it seem like he doesn’t agree. “It’ll take me a few hours at least,” he adds in. 

“No sweat,” the bloke says, following him inside. “I’ll get the bus. Give us a bell when it’s done.” He’s opening up his wallet and pulling out a card as Aaron starts the appropriate paperwork on the computer. Holding out the card, he says, “That’s my uh…”

Aaron reaches out to take the card but the man pulls it back a second and adds with a strange glint in his eye, “My personal number.” He places it in his hand and Aaron almost immediately drops it. “So...where’s the bus stop?” he asks, but it hardly sounds like he’s talking about the bus. Aaron grimaces at his tone. 

“It’s the top of the road, mate, can’t miss it.” 

He sighs with relief at the sound of Cain’s voice. 

The weedy bloke regards his uncle with a quick “thanks” but then turns back to him and says with a little smile, “Call me, yeah?” 

He scowls at him as he walks out of the garage, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

Cain props himself up, one arm draped over the top of the computer. “Reckon it’s more than his uh turbocharger that he wants you to check,” he says, biting at his lip to suppress a laugh. 

His stomach drops but he feigns ignorance. “Hey?” he asks. 

“He was giving you the come on,” Cain spells it out for him and Aaron makes another face. “Then again, why wouldn’t he? Big strong boy like you?” He teases, adding a lisp to his voice as he says it. 

“Shut up,” Aaron says, trying to keep the panic from his voice. Cain doesn’t need to know what he’s actually thinking. 

“Could just see you, you know,” Cain continues, “in a leather jacket with a mustache.” 

“And you think that’s funny do ya?” he snaps just too harshly, thinking about that time he tried Robert’s leather jacket on. 

“So you gonna ring him on his ‘personal number’” Cain mocks as Aaron brushes past him.

“Just do one Cain!” he calls back as he walks out of the garage to get back to work. 

He stills when he comes face to face with the bloke again, getting something from his car before heading off to the bus. The guy has the audacity to give him a little smile before he leaves and Aaron feels like he just wants to punch a wall or summat and just keep on punching it until his fist is a bloody mess, better the wall than that guy’s face. Could he tell? Was he that obvious? He wonders if anyone else suspects, wonders if Cain does. He feels sick, as he watches him walk off. The bloke is practically as old as his dad. Is there something about him that attracts that sort? His dad always said it was all his fault and maybe he was right. He questions for a second whether that’s how it was with Robert too but he refuses to finish that connection. Instead, he throws himself back into work on the engine he was sorting out before all this. 

\---

“If you look at that thing one more time, I’m going to chuck it into the wood chipper!” Andy shouts at him. 

Robert looks up from his phone to see his brother standing there with an exasperated expression on his face. It’s not like he’d checked it that many times, he thinks anyway. He just wanted to make sure that he knew exactly when Aaron texted him back, if he ever did. Eventually, he knew, he was just going to have to go and find him himself, because he wasn’t going to let it go this time. He’s about to pocket his phone but he needs to check one more time so he clicks the home button to turn it on again.

“Rob! Honestly!” Andy throws up his hands at him. 

He stalks over and tries to pry the phone from Robert’s hands but there’s no way Robert is letting him see it. Knocking his shoulder into his chest, he drives Andy back and turns himself around so his back is to him. Andy seems to be invested now, reaching around him to try and grab it but his has the advantage of longer arms and is able to keep it out of his reach. 

“Oh for god’s sake!” Andy sighs, finally conceding. “Look, the Land Rover is making some new weird noise or another. If you can’t be useful here, at least go take that into the garage, see if they can sort it.”

The garage would let him go see Aaron. “Sure,” he agrees all too easily. 

Andy sighs again and hands over the keys. “Of course this is about Aaron. You and him are worse than Vic and Kayleigh with your constant little squabbles.” 

Robert grabs the keys and tries to ignore him as he heads for the Land Rover, leaving him behind with all the work. At least his was only being compared to a teenage girl this time rather than Andy making another dig about Aaron being his boyfriend. He tries to be thankful for small mercies. He may be ready, or at least trying to be ready, to not let Jack control his life anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to broadcast his feelings for Aaron to his brother or anyone else, especially when he’s not even sure how Aaron feels about any of it. He means to find out though. 

Aaron’s at the garage when he gets there, though he’s too distracted by the awful noise the Land Rover is making to stare too much. The damn thing really does need looking at. Turning the car off, he pulls the keys from the ignition and jumps out. Aaron doesn’t even glance at him but he can see by the set of his shoulders that it’s taking a lot of effort for him not to. He takes some small pleasure in that as he strides up to him. 

He doesn’t even get a word out before Aaron is muttering, “Cain will sort it,” as he turns away from him and ducks into the garage. 

Aaron doesn’t get far though because Cain has his hands on his shoulders and is pushing him back out. “Turning down all the boys today are you?” Cain laughs and both he and Robert make a similar face. “You’re gonna get yourself a reputation if you keep being this picky!” 

Robert doesn’t know what the hell he’s on about but he can see that Aaron is clearly agitated, which raises his hackles as well. Cain is completely oblivious to his nephew’s discomfort though, seems to be enjoying it. “So about my car?” He cuts into the teasing, trying to save Aaron some grief. 

“Touchy touchy!” Cain smirks at him. “Maybe you oughta give Sugden ‘ere that bloke’s number.” 

Robert watches Aaron’s cheeks flush red and if he thought he stood half a chance at him, he might take a swing at Cain but he settles for curling his hands into fists at his sides. “He gonna fix my car then, is he? Since you lot are clearly useless!” 

“Oi!” Cain snaps at him. “Watch it Sugden! Aaron’ll have it done for you by the end of the day.”

“No,” Aaron breathes out the word. 

“You’ll do as you’re told,” Cain says sternly and leaves them to it. 

Robert knows he’s not going to get a word out of Aaron with Cain around, not that he’d want to. He’ll have to come back later anyway. They’ll talk then. “Here,” he hands over the keys. “I’ll see ya later then?” 

Their hands touch during the exchange of the keys and he sees Aaron visibly shiver at the brief contact. He wishes he knew what was going on in his head. “Fine,” is the only word he gets out of him though and he hopes it’s not this hard later. 

\---

Aaron takes his time. He doesn’t want to finish the job because when he does, Robert will come back and he’s not ready for that chat yet. He’s not sure he ever will be and what happened with that bloke earlier only made it worse. Cain had taken pity on him though and dealt with the guy when he came back to pick up his motor, leaving Aaron to work on the Land Rover. He was grateful for that even if Cain did tease him the rest of the afternoon for hiding from him. The bloke made him uneasy though and he couldn’t face it. 

Seeing Robert wasn’t like that though. He made him uneasy, sure, but not the same way. It was more like, he didn’t know how to keep control over himself. Despite everything, despite that voice in his head, he still wanted Robert. It scares the hell out of him though and he doesn’t know what it means, what any of it means. He feels like he’s never going to figure it all out. 

“You ever gonna finish that thing?” Cain asks from behind a clipboard as he fills out some paperwork. 

“Eventually,” he concedes. 

“Well I’m done waitin’ on ya. I’ll be over at the pub if ya need me. Don’t. Here’s the keys,” Cain tosses him the set and he manages to snag them out of the air with ease. “Lock up when you’re done.” 

Aaron watches him leave for a moment before he gets back to work. Unfortunately, he’s almost done, but he’ll enjoy the peace and quiet for a bit longer. He’s not in any rush to get back home and deal with Paddy either. He’d been questioning his surly mood ever since he’d gotten back that night and he was well tired of it. He just wished everyone would leave him alone. The little side door rattles on its hinges as it swings open again. Aaron expects Cain, coming back because he forgot something, but he’s surprised to see Robert instead, hunching his tall frame enough to get through. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks as he nearly drops the wrench in his hand. 

“Saw Cain leave, thought I’d come see how you were coming along,” Robert says casually, hands in his pockets and leaning back against the wall. 

“Yeah, fine,” he says. 

He’s not fine though. He feels twitchy. Robert is just there, standing there like everything is normal. Aaron wants to kiss him again but at the mere thought, his stomach turns. He can’t do this. 

“I think we should talk,” Robert announces and Aaron can see that he’s nervous too, but that doesn’t really make it any easier. “This isn’t all in my head,” he starts out and Aaron shuts his eyes, like if he can’t see him then they can’t have this conversation. “You kissed me back. Hell, you held my hand half the night. You kissed me back, Aaron. This isn’t all in my head.”

Aaron feels him take a step toward him and he flattens himself up against the Land Rover behind him as far as he can go, wanting to just disappear into the metal. 

“I can’t stop thinking about that kiss Aaron and I want to do it again. I think you want to too, but…” Robert continues and Aaron opens his eyes just a fraction to see him standing right in front of him. “What’s stopping you?”

He turns his head away; he can’t look at him. Tears prick at his eyes and spill over the edge before he can get them under control. He hates himself for being this weak. “I can’t be like this!” He blurts out, immediately regretting it. “I can’t–I don’t. I don’t want to be like this. No one knows, no one can ever know…” He’s babbling at this point but he can’t stop the words from pouring out. Robert steps forward again and tries to reach out and brush his tears away but he swats his hand down. If Robert touches him now, he’s not sure he’ll be able to stop himself from giving in. 

“Hey,” Robert says, his voice going soft, the tone he reserves for him. “This all scares the hell out of me too,” he admits and Aaron finds it in him to look him in the eyes again. “No one knows about me either and believe me, I’m fine with that for now. No one has to know, Aaron.” 

His stomach turns at the words, words he’s heard all too many times before. A shiver of fear runs through him and he’s scared of what’s going to happen, that this will just be another secret he has to keep. Robert’s hand is on his cheek now and he’s thumbing away the tears that stream from his eyes. 

“No one has to know until we’re both ready,” Robert amends his statement almost like he knew what Aaron was thinking. “We can figure this out together.” 

Something inside of him switches at those words. It doesn’t make everything better, but somehow it feels different at least and that calms him, grounds him in the present instead of the past. Robert’s face is so close to his now, hand caressing his cheek, callouses from his work on the farm, rough against his skin in a way that different hands weren’t. Robert’s right, he does want this too. 

“I don’t want to pressure you,” Robert goes on. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, I–”

Those words untie another knot inside of him and he finds himself leaning up and closing the gap between them, kissing him again. It’s soft and gentle, nothing like their desperate, alcohol fueled kiss from the other night. They part before it gets any heavier and Aaron allows himself a fraction of a smile, his tears drying up a bit. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do,” he says, claiming control over the situation. 

Robert smiles back at him. “We don’t need to rush this,” he says. “We can just take it slow, see where it goes.” Aaron just nods, lost in his green eyes. “Can I kiss you again?” 

He nods again and Robert leans back in and kisses him, mouths open but no tongue. There’s time enough for that. Still, he can taste the coffee he’d clearly been drinking before coming here. Robert’s hands find their way to his waist again, but it feels more like safety now than a trap, like he’s holding him together, keeping the voice in his head at bay. 

\---

“So, is the Land Rover finished yet?” Robert asks when they break apart again, nipping at Aaron’s lips between each word. It feels good to be like this with him and have him not running away. 

“Almost,” Aaron mumbles the word against his lips. 

He lets him go, stepping back with a wink and a grin. “I’ll just watch while you finish then!” 

“Or you could help, you lazy git,” Aaron grins back at him and tosses him a pair of gloves. 

Robert slips them on and nudges in next to him, putting his hands where Aaron directs them. He watches Aaron concentrating on the task at hand, brow furrowed and he can’t help himself. Turning his head, he gives him a peck on the cheek. With a scowl on his face, Aaron turns toward him and gives him a hard glare, but the corners of his mouth are fighting a losing battle as they rise up into a half grimace, half grin. He can’t help himself but laugh. 

“Shut up!” Aaron protests. 

Robert holds his hands up in surrender. 

“Put them back!” Aaron tells him, “Or we’ll never be done.”

He does as he’s told, smiling all the while. Everything feels like it’s going to be okay.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has a successful meeting but gets nervous when he hears a a new family has bought Wylie's Farm. He and Aaron go to meet them, 'welcome' them to the village. Things get a bit heated when Aaron helps Robert out on the farm, but how far will they get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was originally more to this chapter but it was getting super long so I decided to break it here so I could get it posted faster considering it's been ages since I last posted. I'm so sorry. I hope people are still reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated. I'm hoping I can get the second half of this posted sooner rather than later, but I know not to make any promises anymore. 
> 
> And it seems I can't write a chapter without some angst, but there's plenty of fluff in there too, including an entirely unnecessary scene with Clyde. Enjoy!

February 2010

The edge of the picnic table digs into his back a bit as he leans against it, pint in one hand, the glass freezing against his fingers despite the too tight grip he has on it. It’s too cold for anyone else to sit outside the pub, but Aaron likes it that way, likes the solitude, well until Robert gets back anyway. He had finally gotten a meeting with the PA from the supermarket he was trying to score a deal with. Aaron had thoroughly enjoyed teasing him for being nervous all week but apparently it was contagious, because now he felt just as nervous waiting for him to get back. It was a strange feeling, to be so concerned for someone else’s happiness, but it was nice too. He took another sip of his pint just for something to do, the novelty of it being legal still having not worn off. 

“Strange to see you without my brother plastered to your side,” Vic gestures at the empty space to either side of him. He hadn't even noticed her walk up. 

She wasn't the only one who had commented on the two of them being friendly again, or chummy as his mum had put it one night when she saw them in the Woolpack together. They were playing darts, getting proper into the competition of it all and she had pulled him aside during one of Robert’s turns. 

“When did you two get so chummy again?” she had asked. 

“What's it to you?” he had fixed her with a glare since Carl sat beside her at the bar. 

“Just hoped you would have grown out of that by now,” she had told him. 

“Oh like you have,” he had pointed at Carl and walked away from her to go slap Robert across the back before he could take his next shot, distracting him enough to make him miss. 

Robert was nothing like Carl, even if she seemed to think he was bad news as she had put it too many times before. Back when she and Paddy still loved each other, back when she had still loved him. She didn't get a say anymore. Though she had tried to have one anyway. She had gone to Paddy, implored him to have a chat with him about his choice of friends. Even Katie had tried to warn him off at her request, which had riled Robert up to no end. No one seemed to be happy about them getting close again, though several people had pointed out that it was nice to see him smile for a change. He couldn't help himself sometimes, even if his dad’s voice still did linger beneath the surface. Being with Robert, kissing him, it helped him block it now. 

“So where is he anyway?” Vic asks. 

“At that meeting,” Aaron says, trying to sound casual about it, though the tapping of his foot against the pavement might give away that he isn't. 

“Aww you know each other's schedules too,” Vic teases. “If I didn't know any better-”

“Yeah well you do!” He scowls at her. He really needs to be more careful. 

“Geez! You two are so touchy!” Vic laughs. “So did you hear?”

Aaron shrugs, taking another sip of his pint, waiting for her to elaborate. 

“There's a new family moving in up at Wylie’s farm!” Vic sounds way too excited. 

Aaron perks up at that too, not because he cares but because he expects Robert to. “Yeah?” he indulges her. 

“Met them in the shop earlier,” Vic says, “The Bartons they're called. They've got three kids our age. Adam, the son, he's quite fit.” Vic giggles to herself a bit at that, clearly picturing him. “Got two daughters too. And they've never met ya, so you might actually have a shot! Till they get to know you that is. Then they'll probably be running the other way!” 

She laughs again at his expense but he doesn't mind. They can run all they want; he doesn't care. Looking away from her for a minute, he sees Robert's car pull up and his foot taps faster as he waits for him to park. When he finally gets out, Aaron brings his glass to his lips to hide his smile. He's wearing a blue suit. Aaron's never seen him in a suit before, his tragic patterned shirts sure but never this. Not that he even knows what he likes these days, his head’s still such a mess, but he never thought a guy in a suit would do it for him. Robert though, in fitted trousers and the jacket showing off his narrow waist, it's working for him more than he'd ever let him know. 

“Hey big brother,” Vic says when he gets close and the words seem to startle him, he was staring so intently at Aaron. 

“Oh, hi,” he says awkwardly acknowledging her before swinging his gaze back to Aaron. 

“So how did it go?” Aaron asks him, trying not to sound too anxious. 

Aaron can see the grin he's trying to suppress and the glint in his eye, his arrogant stance, the way he holds himself up. He can already tell but Vic doesn't seem to have a clue, looking interested in his answer. 

“Yeah, it went good,” he says and he's beaming anyway, even if he's trying to downplay it. 

Easing himself off the bench, Aaron stands up. There's an awkward moment as they both acknowledge with a glance and a quick nod that Vic is standing right there next to them but it doesn't matter as they clasp hands and pull each other into a one armed embrace anyway. They've mastered the bro hug as Vic has dubbed it, an easy, acceptable way for them to touch in public. Aaron remembers the first time they hugged like this back at the shop after Robert had helped him convince Paddy to let him stay with him. He had been so terrified of it then, what people might think but now it was the easiest thing in the world. And if they let their hands linger, entangled together, a bit too long or pressed their fingers too tightly into the other’s back, no one seemed to notice. 

“Congrats,” Aaron tells him as they break apart. 

“Thanks. You should buy me a pint to celebrate,” Robert replies with an imperceptible wink. 

“Suppose I might be able to do that,” Aaron drags the words out like they're hurting him just to say but nods toward the entrance to the pub anyway and heads in, finishing off his own pint. 

\---

Robert is buzzing as he follows Aaron into the Woolpack, still high off of a successful meeting. It almost felt like being back down in London and he hopes Mark gets him a proper meeting with his boss soon. He seemed suitably impressed once he'd finally sat down with him, praising Robert’s detailed business plan. Right now though, he’s just desperate to get Aaron on his own, though Victoria trailing after them to the bar doesn't make that any easier. Diane is serving too, which makes matters worse. 

“-and apparently Robert has just had a successful meeting with that supermarket guy and now all our problems will be solved,” he catches the tail end of what Vic is saying. He was too caught up in staring at Aaron's smile. It really does suit him and he likes that he's seen it a lot more lately. 

“That's great Robert!” Diane exclaims and Robert has to fight the urge to roll his eyes considering she was fully taking Andy’s side on the matter until now, warning him off and all. 

“Well it wasn’t the actual guy, just his PA, but he's gonna get me a meeting with his boss soon,” he explains. 

“Well I'm still proud of you, pet,” Diane tells him and Robert half hates the surge of warmth that shoots through him at those words. He wonders what his dad would think, but then, he doesn't want to think about Jack. Not now. 

“So, about that-” Aaron mumbles but stops himself when he sees the look Robert is currently giving him, the one that says ‘make an excuse to get away’. “Actually, I'm just gonna nip to the bog and then I'll buy you that drink.”

Robert hums in agreement as he watches Aaron go, gives it a few seconds and then says, “Not a bad idea actually, long meeting, you know.”

He walks too quickly through the doors, trying to ignore Vic laughing at them that they go to the loo in pairs like a couple of girls. His sister and her sarky comments could wait. Pushing the door to the men’s toilets open, he finds Aaron waiting inside. With a quick nod, he lets him know that the place is empty and that's all Robert needs to know. He goes to push him against the wall, but Aaron has other ideas and soon he finds himself with his back against the wall, Aaron's hands steady on his hips inside his suit jacket. Their lips press together hard at first and then the kiss softens, opens up until Aaron's tongue is in his mouth, hooking around his front teeth like he's trying to pull him even closer. Robert's hands wrap around his back, fisted in the folds of his jacket for a moment before they move up to his neck, brushing against the short hair on Aaron's head. This part is getting easier between them, even if their heads are still a bit of a mess. When they break apart finally, they're both breathless. 

“What just got into you?” Robert laughs. 

Aaron blushes, his cheeks going a deep shade of red, which just endears Robert to him even more. “Never seen you in a suit,” is all he manages to get out before Robert is kissing him again, kissing the color on his cheeks, kissing his jaw, the new stubble he's grown scratching at his lips, kissing at his neck, though he's always careful not to suck too hard there. He's not sure how they would explain that. He finally makes it back to his mouth, wet and warm and perfect, but he can't enjoy it for long as they both pull apart on high alert as someone, Jimmy King, pushes through the door. Aaron is at the sink in seconds and Robert busies himself at the urinal, pretending to zip up his trousers. When he nudges in next to Aaron at the sink, he notices Aaron's face is still bright red, though for different reasons now. Fortunately, Jimmy is oblivious to all and doesn't seem to notice a thing as they slip out the door together. 

Aaron is quiet as they compose themselves before heading back into the bar. He hates seeing him like this, but he gets it, far too well really. The thought of getting caught kissing another bloke still feels like his worst fear and he hates that. He may have told his dad’s headstone where to go, but it doesn't stop the unease he feels every time someone nearly catches them. 

“Close call,” he jokes to try and ease the tension. Aaron clearly doesn't find it funny either. “It's Jimmy King,” Robert tries to reassure him. “He probably won't even remember there were people in there at all.”

Aaron cracks a small smile at that and Robert feels even more successful than he did coming out of his meeting. “Now about that drink…”

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees, grabbing him by the tie, “Come on then.”

\---

“So when do you think you’ll get another meeting?” Aaron asks, halfway through his pint. They’d finally managed to bore Victoria who had insisted on sitting with them for a bit. Now that they’re alone again Robert has his feet hooked around his under the table of their booth and Aaron’s not complaining. 

“Soon I hope. I’ll send him a follow up email just to be sure,” Robert says. 

“Follow up email,” Aaron laughs. 

“Shut up,” Robert grins at him over the rim of his glass. “So what was Vic banging on about, some new family?”

“Were you not paying any attention?” 

“I was paying attention to you,” Robert tells him, nudging their knees together. 

“Soppy git,” Aaron teases at him, but he knows he’s blushing, trying to hide it as he hunches down further in the booth, which only entwines their legs more. “There’s a new family moving in up at Wylie’s Farm. The Bartons, Vic said.” 

As expected, Robert suddenly sits up straight and Aaron watches the grip on his glass tighten. “Wylie’s Farm? What kind of farm are they running? Do you think Home Farm will offer them a contract over us? And what if–” 

“Woah woah, calm down Robert,” Aaron tells him and wishes he could put a hand on his arm or something but he doesn’t dare. 

“Well?” Robert asks and Aaron can see the panic written all over his face. 

“How should I know?” Aaron shrugs. “It’s not like I’ve met them or anything.”

Robert looks annoyed for a moment and then something in his expression shifts. Aaron can see the exact moment he gets an idea, something he thinks he should learn to fear. “Maybe you should meet them. Maybe we both should. Welcome them to the village and what not.”

“Intimidate the competition more like,” Aaron chides him. 

“I would never,” Robert says, looking offended for a moment before a mischievous grin spreads across his face. 

Aaron can only shake his head at him. “Another?” he asks, pointing at their now empty glasses. 

“Yeah, go on,” Robert gives him a proper smile, the one that lights up the room, the one Aaron thinks he’ll never tire of.

\---

Pulling up to the farm, Robert peers out at it through the windscreen. He hasn’t been up to Wylie’s Farm in a long time and it’s clearly seen better days though parts of it look like they’ve been fixed up recently. There’s a slight churning in his stomach that’s been at it all morning, which he knows is ridiculous. Still, it would only figure that the moment he starts getting anywhere, someone new would come in and snatch it all away from him. It had certainly happened before. Aaron’s presence beside him in the passenger seat makes it all a bit more bearable though he did make them later in coming up here than he’d planned considering they’d spent half an hour kissing in a layby before they’d finished the drive. They take whatever private time they can get these days and Robert makes sure he enjoys every second of it. 

“Ready?” he asks, as Aaron’s already unbuckling his seatbelt. 

“Yeah, just, be nice,” Aaron warns him. 

“I’m always nice,” Robert grins at him. “Besides, your friendly welcoming face leaves a lot to be desired.” 

“Oi!” Aaron shoves him before glancing around quickly and pulling him in for one last kiss. 

The two of them are still shoving at each other playfully as they scramble out of the car but as soon as they approach the door, Robert pulls himself together, straightening himself up, drawing a laugh out of Aaron. He knows Aaron thinks he’s being a bit ridiculous but he just needs to know what he’s up against. Raising his fist to knock, the door opens before he gets the chance, revealing a bloke about Aaron’s age, curly brown hair on his head and big brown eyes. A dopey grin plastered across his face, he gives them a wave hello. 

“Thought I heard someone out here,” he says. “Hi, I’m Adam.” 

Letting his raised fist fall back to his side, Robert takes a step forward instead of back like a normal person and he hears a soft snort from Aaron but he ignores it. “Robert Sugden,” he says, putting out a hand to shake Adam’s. He has a firm grip, but Robert’s is stronger, he makes sure of that. “My family own–”

“Butler’s Farm,” Adam finishes for him and already Robert doesn’t like him. “Make a point to know the neighbors right?”

“Right,” Robert grumbles and finds Aaron’s elbow jabbing into his rib cage. 

“And you are?” Adam turns to Aaron. 

“Oh...uh, Aaron...Livesy,” Aaron manages, looking a bit flustered. 

Robert can see the way he’s taking Adam in, like he likes what he sees, though the slight flush in his cheeks tells him he’s embarrassed by it. It only makes him dislike Adam even more, especially after listening to his little sister go on about him all last night when he’d gone home for his tea and this morning before he left. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t see the appeal at all. He’s so distracted, he doesn’t even notice Adam inviting them in until Aaron’s pulling at his arm. Inside, it’s still a mess of half unpacked boxes, dishes strewn across the table like they’re still looking for a home. A few framed photos have found their way to a shelf already, displaying the family of five, giving the place the feeling of a home already. They look happy together and it makes Robert think of the photos around his own house, hardly any of them all together. There hasn’t seemed to be any time to take any new ones to put up either. 

“Me dad’s out getting the lay of the land and Mum and my sister Hannah went into town to do the shopping. Oh and my other sister, Holly, claims she’s off getting registered for college but she’s probably just skiving. So that leaves me stuck here doing all the unpacking. Nice, eh?” Adam is going on, though Robert’s only half listening. 

“So, has your family always been in farming or is this a new venture?” Robert blurts out, ignoring the warning glance from Aaron at his tone. 

Adam looks a bit taken aback by the question but he smiles at him anyway as he answers, “Farm boy all my life, me,” he says too proudly for Robert’s taste and suddenly he reminds him of Andy. “Probably like you I imagine.”

“No,” Robert says firmly and it’s not like he wants to be now but he doesn’t have much of a choice. Adam give him an odd look but he doesn’t care. “Heard cattle when we pulled up,” Robert continues. “Dairy or beef?” 

“Robert,” Aaron hisses at him. 

“We run a beef herd, why?” Adam asks. 

“So–” Robert starts again.

“He’s just worried cause he’s out to get a contract with a supermarket for their beef and doesn’t want any competition,” Aaron cuts in and explains rather bluntly. Robert was aiming for more finesse and shoots him a glare but Aaron just shrugs in return. Adam is smirking at them and Robert just wants to punch the expression off of his face. 

“You don’t have one already?” Adam asks, looking genuinely surprised as he looks around snatches up a box. “We’ve had one for years. Barton’s Beef,” he says as he points to the poorly designed logo on the box. 

Robert feels his blood boiling inside of him, his shoulders locked with tension as he watches Adam set the box back down. It’s only Aaron’s hand on his arm that calms him down, or at least distracts him enough. It’s not something they normally do but he finds he doesn’t mind. It’s innocent enough, he supposes and it doesn’t look like this Adam thinks anything is weird about it. Taking a deep breath, he tries to steady himself before he continues. 

“I only came back last year,” he explains and suddenly realizes that it has been a year since he’s been back. It hardly feels like it. “I’d been gone a while. My brother’s never been the most ambitious person but we have contracts with the Home Farm shop and the pub. I just thought it was time to branch out a little.” 

“Yeah,” Adam nods, “Good for you.” 

Robert scoffs, earning him another of Aaron’s elbows in his side. He feels like he’s five and Adam’s given him a pat on the head for some meaningless minor accomplishment. It’s patronizing and it makes him itch around the collar of his shirt, the zipper from his jacket scratching at his throat. He’s trying his hardest to make something of this stupid farm and it feels like no one cares or thinks it worthwhile. Even Aaron doesn’t really understand sometimes, though Robert knows he tries and he appreciates that. 

“That a Playstation 3?” Aaron asks, pointing towards the games console and controllers hanging out of one of the boxes across the room. 

“Yeah,” Adam says, enthusiasm filling his voice. “You play?” 

“I do alright at Fifa,” Aaron shrugs and Robert knows he’s being modest, considering how often he beats him and Robert hates to lose. 

“Sound!” Adam gives him a ridiculous fist bump and Robert can’t help but roll his eyes. “You should come round and play sometime once I’ve got it set up.” He pauses and looks over at him, “You too of course Rob.” 

Robert tries and fails to force a smile, but all he wants to do now is get out of there. Nothing about this meeting has gone as planned and he almost welcomes the hard graft Andy’s going to make him do when he gets back up to the farm before heading to bed early as lambing season truly begins. Just for a distraction. 

He feels Aaron’s shoulder nudge into his, pulling his attention back to the moment as Aaron says, “Yeah, course we will,” to Adam, giving him a grin. 

“We should get going though,” Robert cuts in. “Andy’s expecting me back and you have to get to work too.” 

“Yeah, true,” Aaron sighs. 

“Where do you work?” Adam asks him and Robert is tired of all of the questions, just wants to leave.

“At the garage in the village,” Aaron replies, glancing up at him and Robert can tell he’s reading his expression. “My family own it. Robert’s right though, we should get going. We’ll see you around though.” 

“Yeah, see ya,” Adam says, walking them back to the door. 

The crisp, fresh air of the morning is a welcome change from inside the farmhouse. Robert felt like he was starting to get claustrophobic in there. He faintly hears Aaron say goodbye for them both again before they walk back to the car. The feeling of Aaron’s eyes glaring at him follows him the whole way, continues as they get in. When he looks over at him finally, the glare is still there, his blue eyes cutting through him. 

“What?” he asks, feigning innocence. He’s perfected that by now. He hopes anyway. 

“Why were you being so weird?” Aaron asks him. 

“I wasn’t!” Robert protests but he knows he was. 

\---

Aaron pulls at the zip on his hoodie, bringing it to his chin as a slight shiver goes through him. Robert offers him his own coat but Aaron shoves him away, laughing as he races up the cricket pitch after Clyde. A good run around the grassy field and he’ll be fine. Clyde seems to have boundless energy today as he runs back and forth after the stick Aaron keeps throwing for him. Paddy had been getting on him lately about not taking him out enough and he thinks now he may be right, not that he’ll admit that to him. 

The stick appears at his feet again, as Clyde drops it there, half wet with slobber, but Aaron picks it up from the dry end and tosses it long in Robert’s direction where he stands there watching them play. It lands just over his head behind him and even Aaron’s impressed by his own throw, as he watches Clyde running and near full speed to get to it. He can see what’s about to happen a split second before it does and it’s clear Robert doesn’t as Clyde leaps at him to get the stick behind him, knocking him to the ground. The stick is forgotten as Clyde licks at Robert’s face instead. Biting at his lip, Aaron waits for a second, to see what’s going to happen but when he hears Robert laughing, he releases his bottom lip and lets the smile take over. 

Aaron jogs over to the pair of them, watching Robert wrestle with Clyde and it brings a warmth to his chest that fights against the cold winter air. The ground is damp, the knees of his trackies getting wet as he kneels down beside them, pulling Clyde off of Robert and scratching his belly as the german shepherd lays down between them. Robert turns on his side toward him, his face flushed with pink and his blonde hair sticking out every which way and Aaron can’t help but reach out and pull him close, kissing him, chapped lips and teeth clashing as they grin into it. They’re halfway to finding each other’s tongues when Clyde’s finds them first, licking a wet stripe over both their faces. 

“Clyde!” Aaron admonishes him, trying to be stern as he fights another smile. “A little privacy please.” 

Clyde whines for a second before ignoring him completely and diving back in, his wet nose against his cheek, chewing on the string of his hoodie for a moment before he drops it and licks at Robert’s face again. Robert groans and shoves him off, scratching him behind the ears to placate him. 

It takes a while before they disentangle from him completely and make it to the steps of the cricket pavilion while Clyde, with energy to spare apparently, continues to run around. Robert’s a mess as he leans back against the railing of the porch and Aaron pulls out a few blades of grass from his hair, wiping the worst of Clyde’s slobber off with the sleeve of his hoodie. They don’t much feel like kissing after all of that but Aaron leans back against him instead, sitting himself on the step below him, between his legs. It feels nice, calm for a moment but Aaron has a feeling he’s about to wreck it. 

“So, I saw Adam in the village earlier,” he says. 

“Oh,” Robert replies and Aaron can hear the dislike in his tone immediately. 

“Yeah, he stopped by the garage. Said he’s got the Playstation all set up now if we want to come and play sometime.” 

“We, huh?” Robert scoffs and Aaron turns his head to look up at him. “What? He clearly doesn’t like me!”

“I wonder why?” Aaron snorts. “Maybe if you didn’t take offense at everything he said the other day.” 

“I didn’t!” 

“You know, I like hanging around with you,” Aaron looks up at him again. “Used to be me everyone took an instant disliking to. Now I look friendly and approachable by comparison.” 

“Shut up!” Robert hits him on the shoulder and it’s playful but Aaron senses there’s more to it. “Just cause I’m not obsessed with him like you and my sister…” he trails off and buries his face into Aaron’s neck. 

Pushing him back, Aaron twists his body to get a better look at him, Robert trying to look away from him. “Are you actually jealous?” Aaron laughs. 

“Give over!” Robert protests but he can see the slight blush in his cheeks and knows he’s caught him out. 

He just laughs harder, but he has to admit it feels kind of nice, someone getting a little jealous over him. No one’s ever cared that much before and it still surprises him every time he’s reminded that Robert does. Sometimes, he doesn’t know what to do with that. Instead of thinking about it, he pulls Robert down for another kiss, ignoring the fact that it half feels like he’s kissing Clyde at this point. It doesn’t matter though as Robert’s tongue presses against his, his arms wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him close against his chest. 

“You still coming up to Butler’s tomorrow to help with the lambing?” Robert asks when they break apart, and Aaron can see how tired he already looks from it, the dark circles under his eyes.

“Yes, Robert,” Aaron tells him, “I’m still getting up at that ungodly early hour to go and help you...for free. Wouldn’t do that for Adam Barton.” 

“Oi!” Robert guides his lips back to his and kisses him again. “I will make it worth your while.” 

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Aaron grins up at him. 

\---

They’ve been up since four in the morning and the sun is just coming up now as Robert leans against the outside of the barn, watching the soft colors spread across the sky as he waits for Aaron to clean up a bit. He feels the exhaustion down to his bones but Andy’s giving them a short break so he’s determined to make the most of it. After all, he did promise to make helping out worth it for Aaron. He should take him up to his room in the warmth of the farmhouse, wishes he could, but it’s too risky with Vic still about and Andy pottering about the kitchen making a brew as he takes quick break as well. Instead, he’s half shivering outside the barn, thinking he should have stayed inside where the heaters were for the sheep. He doesn’t have to wait long as Aaron comes back out of the house, hands in the pockets of his overalls from the garage that he brought with him. 

“Where to?” he asks when he reaches him. 

“This way,” Robert nods. 

It’s not too long of a walk off to one of the other barns on the property where they only have a pregnant cow for company. She’s due any day now but Robert ignores her as he pulls Aaron inside. He’d prefer to be just about anywhere else with him but it’ll have to do for now. They don’t have long before Andy will want them back working. Just as eager as he is, Aaron tugs him close, hands bunched up in the fabric of his own overalls and kisses him. Aaron was tentative when they’d first started this but most of that seems to have washed away by now, as he takes the lead a bit, pushing him down onto hay bale, hands moving up to grip at his hair. Robert’s hands find his waist, his usual spot, pulling him down over his lap, Aaron’s knees bracketing his thighs as they continue to kiss, sloppy and frantic like they both know they don’t have much time. 

They haven’t gone much past kissing yet, haven’t talked about it really and Robert hasn’t pushed even though he thinks he wants more. He’s been with a bloke before but with Aaron it would be more than that, more than just quick experimentation that didn’t mean anything. There always seems to be a hesitancy on Aaron’s part though and Robert doesn’t blame him, won’t. This thing between them, it’s new for both of them even if they seem content never to have a real conversation about it. Robert doesn’t even know if Aaron’s like him and likes girls too. He can’t think about that now though as Aaron’s pressed up against him, fingers tugging at the snaps on his overalls in between kisses.

For the first time, he can feel both of their bodies responding and he sees Aaron glance down, his face going red, but Robert won’t let him be embarrassed. Lifting his chin with one hand, Robert directs his lips back to his own before fumbling through the snaps on Aaron’s overalls too, pushing them off his shoulders. Aaron stops undoing his for a second to lean back and help Robert pulls his arms out of the sleeves, leaving him in just his hoodie as the overalls pool at his waist. Gripping onto his hips, Robert tugs him back close, groaning at the friction between them as Aaron continues pulling at his overalls, yanking them off of his shoulders and down his arms until he’s just in his jumper. It’s not enough though as Aaron’s hands slip underneath the fabric, clammy and warm as he runs them across his bare stomach and up to his chest, leaning down for another kiss. Robert follows his lead, letting his hands slide under Aaron’s hoodie and t-shirt, pressing into the skin of his back. 

Aaron shudders at the touch and wrenches back from him. For a second Robert thinks he’s gone too far, broken some unspoken rule. Aaron’s scowling at him and then he’s laughing. “Your hands are freezing!” 

Robert’s laughing too, swears he’s always been cold blooded. “Warm me up then,” he grins at him. 

“You’re such a cliche sometimes,” Aaron teases him, pulling his jumper up over his head. “Better?”

Shivering, Robert shakes his head no and unzips Aaron’s hoodie, tugging it off of him. Aaron helps him out by taking his own t-shirt off and then they’re pressed back together, skin against skin and despite the goosebumps spreading up his arms, Robert does feel a bit warmer. Straw pokes at his back but he doesn’t care because Aaron’s kissing him again and it’s perfect. Licking into his mouth again, Robert finds he still tastes like the coffee they’ve been guzzling all morning to stay conscious. He wishes they could just stay here like this all day. 

“Rob!” Andy’s voice is like a bucket of cold water being doused over him and the sound of the barn door being pushed open has his heart leaping into his throat. 

Aaron slides down off of his lap and flattens himself behind one of the hay bales and Robert frantically looks around for his shirt. He just manages to grab it as Andy walks in, back lit by the now shining sun, but it hardly matters because he’s still standing there topless in a random cold barn in February and he doesn’t know how to explain this. He doesn’t know how to explain why an also shirtless Aaron is crouched next to him behind a pile of hay, breathing heavily, cheeks flushed and looking like he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Robert knows the feeling. He pulls his jumper on all the same, his whole body shaking and when he looks up again, it’s Jack he sees framed by the doorway and he braces himself for the reaction. 

“What the hell are you doing in here?” Andy asks him, but he hardly hears the question, still seeing the look on his dad’s face when he caught him in his room. 

He’s frozen to his spot, just praying that Andy doesn’t come in any further, doesn’t see Aaron at his feet. He can’t even find the words to answer, to spin a story like he’s usually so good at. Instead, he’s got his eyes fixed on Andy’s belt, Jack’s belt and he can’t look away. 

“You know, I said a short break,” Andy scolds him. “I didn’t mean you could go off skiving half the morning.”

Robert knows it hasn’t been that long, that Andy’s just overreacting but he still can’t find the words. 

“What are you doing anyway?” Andy asks, studying him. “You’ve got some girl back there don’t you?”

Robert doesn’t deny it. This is an easy out.

“Unbelievable,” Andy shakes his head at him and he can see the disappointment. Jack looked at him with the same expression all his life. “Well…” Andy pauses, unsure of what to say next. “Get yourself together and let’s get back to work.” He’s halfway out the door before he pokes his head back in and adds, “Oh and find Aaron too, he seems to have disappeared as well. I know he’s doing us a favor and all but the least he could do is do the work he said he’d do.” 

Robert hears the door close, hears Andy’s footsteps receding away, but he’s still finding it hard to breathe, clawing at the collar of his jumper. He wonders if maybe he’s having a panic attack as he slumps back down onto the hay bale he was sitting on earlier. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Aaron struggling to pick himself up off the floor, pulling off bits of hay that stuck to his chest and stomach. He can’t even bring himself to look at him properly as he tries to catch his breath, still caught in the mind of his fifteen year old self all over again. It didn’t matter that he’d told his dad that he wasn’t going to run his life anymore. Looking into Andy’s eyes was like looking into Jack’s and he can’t seem to shake it off. 

\---

Pulling his t-shirt back on, his hoodie following, Aaron watches Robert closely. His face has gone pale and his breathing shallow and Aaron’s half concern he might pass out. It was way too close of a call for him but he never expected Robert to look quite so panicked. He never has before. It’s always seemed like him that was the most terrified of getting caught. Crouching in front of him, he tries to take one of his hands in his but Robert pulls it away. 

“Hey,” Aaron says, trying to mimic the soft voice Robert always uses with him. “I’m sure he doesn’t suspect anything.”

Robert can’t even look at him and Aaron’s worried that it’s all going to be over now. He thinks maybe it’s for the best but that voice in his head was getting quieter every day and he was enjoying the break if he’s honest. He’s been enjoying this too, more than he’d care to admit and he hates the thought of it just ending like this. 

“Probably just thinks we’re a pair of work shy losers,” Aaron forces himself to laugh. 

It barely gets a reaction out of Robert who stands up, shoving his arms back into his overalls. His fingers are fumbling with the snaps as he clumsily tries to do them up again so Aaron pushes them aside and does it for him, surprised that he’s letting him. He hopes that means things are going to be okay. 

“We should get back,” Robert finally says, his voice cold and emotionless. 

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees and leans up to kiss him one more time but Robert turns his face away. “Right,” he sighs, “Let’s just go.”


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron hangs out with Adam. Aaron and Robert meet Holly. Aaron finds out why Robert has been avoiding him after Andy almost caught them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, I updated in a week. Go me! As always, comments and kudos are always appreciated. Thanks to everyone who has commented so far. I hope you're all still enjoying this.

February 2010

A drop of water splotches on the tip of his nose, another lands in his eye. Pulling his hood up against the rain, Aaron jogs the rest of the way from the garage to the Woolpack, his trainers sloshing through already deepening puddles. His hoodie is damp and freezing by the time he ducks inside the door, but the pub is warm inside, everyone packed inside to get out of the rain. Tugging off the wet fabric, he slips his phone from the pocket and then hangs it over his arm. Again, he checks his messages but doesn’t see a reply from Robert. 

He’s been avoiding him since the incident at the farm with Andy. It almost feels like they’re back to square one, they kiss and then one of them runs off and they don’t talk about what happened for ages. Only this time it’s Aaron that’s being ignored and he doesn’t like it. He also doesn’t understand what happened either and he wishes Robert would just call him back. He’d texted a bit over the past week, saying he was busy at the farm, but Aaron knew what was going on and he wasn’t buying it. They always made time for each other, especially now. Aaron missed him terribly even though that scared him a bit, how much he had come to rely on Robert again. 

Looking up from his phone for a second, he spots Adam in a booth along the far wall, raises a hand in greeting before dropping his eyes back down to the screen in his hand. ‘At the pub with Adam. Come and meet us’ he types out with his thumbs quickly and then adds, ‘Sorry if I did something’. He doesn’t really think he did, thinks it has to have something to do with Andy, but he can’t be sure. He knows he’s not the easiest person to deal with. His dad always drilled that into him enough that he believes it. Shoving the phone into his jeans pocket, he heads over to meet Adam, stopping to order a pint from Diane along the way. 

“No Robert today?” she asks. 

“No,” he sighs as he takes the drink and goes to sit down, tossing his hoodie beside him on the seat. 

“Hey mate,” Adam says. “No Robert?” 

Aaron rolls his eyes. Everyone just seems to expect the pair of them these days and he feels like he’s letting everyone down in some weird way. “I texted him,” he says and then takes a generous gulp of his pint. He could use a good buzz right now he thinks. “We’ll see if he actually shows up.” 

“Why? What happened?” Adam asks and he looks looks so genuinely concerned and interested that Aaron doesn’t quite know what to do with it. 

“Nothing,” he mutters. It’s not like he can actually discuss it with Adam anyway. There’s no one for him to talk to about this stuff except Robert and they barely talk about it anyway. Usually they’re too busy kissing, so he doesn’t mind, doesn’t even want to talk about it. 

“You sure?” Adam nudges. “I mean, if you want to talk about it. I’ve got sisters–”

Aaron looks up at him sharply, doesn’t understand where this conversation is going all of a sudden. “What are you on about?” 

Adam stops, seems to reassess his words before he speaks again. “I just meant, uh, you know I’m a good listener.” 

“Oh,” Aaron sighs and takes another drink. “Right. It’s nothing, really. I’m sure he’ll come. Or he won’t. Doesn’t matter to me.” 

“Right,” Adam laughs, giving him a wink as he takes drink of his coke. 

He’s not eighteen yet then, Aaron realizes. He hadn’t bothered to find out. Glancing down at his pint, he just thinks about all of those times Robert had bought himself one and swapped out their drinks so he could have one without Diane or Maisie getting suspicious. He smiles at the memory and wishes he were here now. Taking his phone out of his pocket again, he sets it on the table next to him. Just in case Robert texts back, he wants to see it right away. 

\---

“I’m off to go pick up Sarah,” Andy tells him as he shoves his arms through the sleeves of his coat and zips it up. 

It’s raining outside, he can hear the patter of the drops against the kitchen window without even looking up from his phone, which he’s been staring at for the last twenty minutes or so. When he got Aaron’s first text of the day asking to meet him at the pub later, he’d ignored it. Well that’s not strictly true. He’d stared at that one for a good ten minutes before shoving his phone back in his pocket. This one though, the one that added in there that he was there with Adam, the one that he apologized in even though he’d done nothing wrong, that one had his attention. 

“She’s staying here tonight,” Andy says as he grabs the keys to the Range Rover off of the table. “Remember?”

“Yeah, sure,” Robert mumbles. He hadn’t remembered but what did it matter? 

“Rob!” 

Ripping his eyes away from the screen, away from the words ‘Adam’ and ‘Sorry’, he looks up at Andy who’s standing over him, arms folded across his chest. “What?” 

“I don’t know, maybe try and smile a bit when she’s here?” Andy suggests. “What’s gotten into you this past week? You’ve actually been working harder than I have.”

“What and that’s suddenly a problem for you?” Robert snaps. “Wasn’t it you who was getting on me for skiving!” 

Andy takes a step back, eyebrows raised. “Yeah, but–”

“But what?” He’s angry now, mostly at himself, but this is easier. Slamming his palms down on the table, making his phone jump a bit, he glares up at his brother. “What? Suddenly me having a good work ethic is too much for you? I just can’t win with you, can I? Always a disappointment, just like with Dad!” 

“Rob! What are you even talking about?” Andy asks, concern in his eyes as he sets his keys back down on the table. 

Robert picks them up, shoves them back in his hand. He doesn’t want this, doesn’t want a meaningful chat right now and certainly not with Andy. “Nothing,” he sneers, “nevermind.” 

Pushing back from the table, he gets up, tosses the mug of tea he’d been drinking into the sink with a clatter and stalks off toward the stairs. Behind him, he hears Andy’s footsteps but he doesn’t want to turn around to see him. He’s been killing himself all week on the farm, trying to put what happened out of his mind, trying to forget about almost getting caught, trying to forget about Aaron. He can’t. Aaron’s under his skin, in his head, his heart and he can’t turn it off no matter how much he wants to. He’s hated being apart from him even though he thinks it’s for the best. So much for telling off Jack’s headstone. He’d meant it then, but now, Andy getting too close, it was getting to be too much. So he’d thrown himself into working, because that’s what Andy wants from him, that’s what Jack would have wanted from him too. 

“Rob,” Andy says quietly once his hand is on the bannister, his foot on the first step. “You’ve put in a lot of work this week and I appreciate it, really. I don’t say it enough, but, this last year, I couldn’t have done any of it without you here.” 

“Save it Andy,” he says through clenched teeth. 

He hears him sigh, hears the keys jingling in his hand. “I mean it Rob. And Dad would be proud of you too.” 

A laugh tumbles out of him now, sharp and bitter, because Jack would hate what he’s become. He’s glad Andy can’t see his face right now, hidden behind the wall of the stairwell, because he can feel the tears starting to fall. 

“Look,” Andy continues. “I’ve gotta go. Debs will have my head if I’m late to pick her up. It’s been a long week though, you should go out, see that girl or something, or Aaron. You two fallen out again?”

He’s glad he’s holding onto the bannister because his knees are weak. “Just do one Andy!” he spits out and even in his comebacks, he’s thinking of Aaron. With that thought, he forces himself up the stairs to go get ready to go out. 

\---

Aaron’s on his second pint and he’s laughing instead of staring at his phone every five seconds. It’s easy with Adam and his laugh and smile are infectious. He’s given him the rundown of all the locals, pointing them out in the pub. It started with Marlon when they’d witnessed the tiff between him and Adam’s mum over his cooking. Diane had given her a trial shift and it hadn’t started off well. Their sniping had been constant entertainment so far. Now though, Adam’s got his eyes set on Scarlett, who of course happens to be sitting with his mum and Carl. 

“Nah, mate, seriously! You think I’ve got a shot?” Adam asks, averting his eyes when she glances in their direction. 

“Not if you keep staring at her like that!” Aaron teases. “She’ll think you’re a right weirdo.” 

“You know her though, right. That’s your mum with her yeah?” Adam asks. “You can introduce me. Bet you’ll make the perfect wingman!” 

His smile drops a bit at the mention of his mum and he hates the distance between them, hates Carl for it. Adam is still grinning like an idiot though, poking at his arm across the table so he nods in agreement. It’s not like he has to introduce him now with his mum sat right there. He can do it later. 

“She is out of your league,” Aaron hears someone say and looks up to see a girl in a long coat, long dark hair a bit unruly from the rain. Victoria and another girl are behind her. She pulls at the snaps on the coat and lets it fall open as she nudges at Adam’s shoulder. “Shove over,” she tells him and he rolls his eyes as he moves. 

“Aaron, this is my sister, Holly,” Adam tells him and then points to the other girl, who’s shuffling in beside them, “And that’s Hannah.”

Victoria slides in next to him, not even bothering to ask him to move. She clears her throat and shoots him a look that he assumes means he wants him to introduce her. “And this is Victoria,” he says, matching Adam’s eyeroll. The two of them share a sympathetic laugh. 

“No Robert?” Vic asks. 

Aaron huffs and downs the rest of his drink, sparing a glance toward his phone again but there’s still no new messages. 

“Apparently it’s nothing,” Adam tells Victoria and he cringes. 

“Doubt it,” Vic says. “Rob’s been dead grumpy all week.” 

“Yeah, well that’s his problem,” Aaron grumbles and goes to take another drink before he realizes his glass is empty. He sets it back down with a sigh. 

“How about I buy you another one?” Holly asks him, giving him a shy smile. He thinks she might be flirting with him but he’s not really sure, doesn’t have the energy to care really, but he does want another drink so he nods. 

“Thought you were skint?” Adam scoffs beside her. 

“Hmm, you’re right,” she concedes and puts out her hand. 

Adam groans and digs his hand into his pocket, coming out with a few notes. “Unbelievable,” he says as he shoves them into her waiting hand. 

“Cheers,” she grins at him and then tosses a wink Aaron’s way as she maneuvers out of the booth and heads to the bar. 

Biting at his lip, Aaron watches her go, thinks about how a few months ago he would have been overjoyed to have a girl like Holly flirting with him. She’s fit, he supposes. His mates at college would think so anyway. Instead, all he wants is Robert to stop ignoring him. He almost laughs when the door opens and Robert shuffles inside, shaking his head as the rain drips from the ends of his hair. Watching one droplet slide down his forehead, down his cheek, down the skin of his neck that he’d been kissing at the beginning of the week, into the hollow of his collarbone, he’s distracted as Holly sets his drink down in front of him. 

“Here you go,” she says and it takes him a second to look up at her, catching Adam grinning out of the corner of his eye. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he says quickly and then turns back to Robert as he approaches the table. Holly turns too, taking him in and seeming to appreciate him a little too much for his taste but he can hardly make a fuss about it. 

“Hi,” she says, “I’m Holly.” 

Robert meets her eyes and then lets his gaze travel the length of her too, eyeing where her top cuts too low, the tightness of her jeans. “Robert,” he says and Aaron feels sick as he flashes her a smile that’s normally saved for him. 

“You joining us then?” Holly asks, fluttering her eyelashes at him. 

“Stop embarrassing yourself Holl,” Adam laughs. 

She blushes but Robert lets a hand brush against her arm. “Don’t listen to him,” he tells her. “I’d love to join you.” Aaron clears his throat loudly. “All of you,” Robert amends but it hardly matters. Aaron still wants to punch him and he’s lucky that Vic’s sandwiched between them as he sits down, calling out to Diane for a pint. 

“Sure, pet, I’ll bring it over,” she replies, busying herself behind the bar. 

Holly’s sitting across from Robert now, making flipping heart eyes at him and Aaron wants to give her a slap too, except he’s got Uncle Zak’s voice in his head telling him to never hit a woman. “Nice of you to finally show,” Aaron mutters under his breath as he downs half of his new pint in one go. 

“Just had some stuff to finish up at the farm,” Robert tells him without tearing his eyes away from Holly. “I told you, I’ve been busy.” 

“He has,” Vic interjects. “Andy’s even been impressed.” 

Robert scoffs and Aaron can see how even the mention of his brother is getting to him. He just wants to drag him off somewhere and make him explain what happened. 

“So a farmer then?” Holly asks, still staring at him. 

“Not really,” Robert replies smoothly, all the upset about Andy melting away. “Used to be in sales down in London actually. Just came back here to help out for a bit.” 

Upending his glass, Aaron finishes off the rest of his pint and glares hard at Robert. He knows he wasn’t in sales, not yet anyway. Robert had told him all about it over the last few months, a few of those times, sat right here in this booth. He had been close to getting the CEO to give him a spot on the sales team, higher position, more pay. Aaron had heard all about how he wishes he could have gotten the opportunity, just to prove to himself that he could do it, how he sometimes felt like he was wasting his time on the farm. The part that stung the most though was the idea that he was just back for a bit, like he was going to leave at any moment, leave him, and head off back to London. 

“London, wow,” Holly says. “Impressive. I want to go to London someday, study art there or something.” 

“Yeah, I bet you’d be great,” Robert tells her. 

“Aww,” Vic coos at them. “Just tell me when I need to buy my hat!” 

Robert turns to glare at her, catching his eye as well and he at least has the decency to look slightly guilty for blatantly flirting with a girl in front of him. Aaron’s stomach turns as Robert shifts his gaze back to Holly, giving her another warm smile. He hates that this is all so easy for Robert, flirting with girls like this. With Vic, Aaron had had to work so hard to get her to even give him the time of day. He’s not an idiot; he knows Robert has been with loads of girls before him. He’d heard all about him and Katie from his mum. 

“So what was London like?” he hears Holly ask, but her voice seems far away now; he’s lost in his own mind. 

Robert’s not like him; he could be with girls if he wanted. He frowns at the thought, wonders what the hell Robert is doing with him when he could easily have a girl like Holly Barton. Everything would be easier. Aaron knows he would if he could make it work. He stares at Robert for a moment, knows he can feel his eyes on him because he hesitates before opening his mouth to answer. Aaron doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to sit here while he chats her up. He can’t do it. 

“I need to go,” Aaron blurts out, grabbing his hoodie that’s wedged in between him and the wall. It’s just now that he realizes he has no way to leave unless Vic and Robert move first but he doesn’t care. He just needs to get out of here. “Move.” 

Vic’s eyes go wide at him and Robert frowns but Aaron’s hard glare brooks no argument and they all shuffle out of the booth. Robert looks up at him and he can see an apology in his eyes but he doesn’t want to hear it even if it is on offer. Instead, he shrugs on his still damp hoodie and walks out of the pub, barely catching Adam’s ‘Nice one, mate’ to Robert as he ducks through the door. 

It’s still raining out, but it’s only drizzling now. Lifting his face toward the sky, he lets the drops splash down onto his cheeks, his forehead. It’s too cold and they sting at his skin a bit but it clears his head for a moment. He doesn’t want to stick around in case Robert tries to find him, so he trudges up toward Smithy, kicking at the road as he goes. It feels like his heart has sunk all the way to his stomach, which feels like lead. How could he have really believed that Robert wanted him? He feels ridiculous. For a while, he thought they were in this mess together but the first pretty girl that shows up in the village and it’s like he doesn’t exist. He just needs to get out of here for a bit, needs to be anywhere but here. 

\---

“Nice one, mate,” Adam scolds him at the same time Vic says, “What was all that about?” 

Robert knows, even as he sits there with his ‘who me’ face on as Holly still stares at him from across the table, he knows he’s messed up badly. He had every intention of trying to make things up with Aaron after blowing him off all week but then he saw Holly and she was flirting with him. She was interested and it felt good. It felt normal, like if he were caught with her in the barn, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. It was so easy to just flirt a little back, no harm done. Except he had caused harm to Aaron and he hates himself for that. 

Diane comes over with his drink and sets it down on the table. Fishing out his wallet he hands her a tenner and then takes a generous sip, thinks he’ll need it. He can’t leave it this time; he has to go after him. 

“Is everything okay?” Holly is asking him.

He looks across at her. She seems sweet, maybe a little flighty, but nice. He wishes he had met her first. Maybe he would have been able to spare himself this mess he’s in now but he suspects Aaron still would have wormed his way in somehow. He seems to have that effect on him and Robert always liked a challenge. 

Taking another sip, he sets the drink back down. “Hopefully. I have to go,” he says and sees Adam give him a strange nod but he ignores that and gets up. “I’ll see you at home Vic.” 

“See yas!” she calls out as he heads out. 

He almost makes it to the door but Chas corners him before he can push his way through. “Is Aaron alright?” she asks. 

“Don’t know,” he lies and tries to get past her. 

She puts her arm across the door, barring his escape. “Did you do summat to him?”

“No!” he snaps at her, wanting her to leave him alone so he can go after Aaron. 

“Because if you hurt my boy–” she starts.

“Oh you mean like you did?” he cuts in.

Her eyes widen and she lets out a little gasp like he slapped her or something. He doesn’t care if she’s offended though because he was the one who held Aaron in his arms as he cried his eyes out over her leaving him to be with Carl. She doesn’t get to threaten him. His comment does the trick though because she backs away from the door and he takes the opportunity to leave, hurrying back out into the rain. 

It’s a light rain now, just misting, and the sky is starting to clear up. The air still cold though and he puts the collar of his jacket up to protect his neck as he jogs up the path toward Smithy. He hopes Aaron just went home, that he’s not going to have to trudge all over the village to find him. He would though, he knows he would. 

Wrenching his hand from the warmth of his pocket, he makes a fist and knocks on the door. It takes a few minutes before the door swings open, revealing a worried looking Paddy. “Aaron?” is the first word out of his mouth and that already sets him on edge. 

“I was looking for him actually,” Robert tells him and then thinks for a second, asking, “Why would he knock? Nevermind. So he’s not here then?”

“No, he came back here with a face like thunder, took Clyde and said he was going for a walk. Did something happen? Did you do something to ‘im?” Paddy stares at him hard like he’s trying to be intimidating but he just can’t pull it off. Robert would laugh if he weren’t so worried about Aaron. 

“Why does it always have to be my fault?” he growls. 

“Because it usually is!” Paddy says, fitting himself into the whole doorway to make sure Robert doesn’t try and go in. 

It’s not like he can really argue, especially since this is actually his fault. He just wishes that wasn’t always everyone’s first response. Paddy and his opinions don’t really matter though. He just needs to find Aaron so he turns and heads off back down the drive. 

“If you find him–” Paddy calls out, but Robert’s too far away to hear the rest, too focused on his task. 

The cricket pavilion is his first stop. It’s where they usually go to walk Clyde, give him space to run around. The bridge is slick with rainwater as he crosses it, hand on the railing to make sure he keeps his feet under him. The last thing he needs right now is to slip and hurt himself. He doesn’t see Aaron anywhere on the cricket pitch but he might be inside. Mud squelches beneath his boots as he makes his way across and he wishes he were still in his work boots instead of his nicer ones. They’re going to need a hell of a cleaning after this. He thumps up the steps and glances up and down the porch. It’s empty so he pushes the door open and checks inside. The room is dark and smells of sweat and old equipment. It’s damp too, a leak in the room letting the rain water in, drip dropping from the ceiling down to a large puddle on the floor. There’s no Aaron though. 

It takes a minute, standing there half shivering, to work out the puzzle of where he might go. He thinks back to when Aaron came back from Ibiza and found out that his mum had left Paddy for Carl. Robert had taken him up to the old quarry, told him it was a good place to blow off steam. Maybe it still is, he thinks. He’s wasted a lot of time, but he picks up his car at the Woolpack, turns the heat on full blast and drives up there. 

He finds him stood on the edge, Clyde milling around behind him, nudging into his legs occasionally. A rock that Aaron probably imagines is his head sails out of his hand, falling to the quarry below. From the safety of the car, he watches him for a moment, guilt gnawing at the pit of his stomach as he watches him stoop down to grab another one. He rubs his hand over his face, kneading the skin on his forehead between pinched fingers. Paddy and Chas were both right; it’s his fault that Aaron’s here right now and he hates that he’s made him feel like this. He just wants to make things right now but he’s not even sure where to start. 

Turning the engine off, he takes a deep breath and lets it go, watching his exhalation materialize in the cold air and then dissolve. Aaron still hasn’t noticed him as he gets out of the car, or maybe he has and he’s just ignoring him. Robert doesn’t blame him if he is. He crouches down on his way over and picks up a large rock, carrying it over. When he gets near, he sees Aaron pause in his throwing motion for a split second but he doesn’t look his way, just follows through and sends another rock flying. 

“Pretending those are me?” Robert asks.

“Maybe,” Aaron snarls at him with a slight glance in his direction. 

Robert takes the opportunity and puts the rock he picked up in his hand. “Here.”

“Maybe I should just bash your head in with this,” Aaron bites at him. “Then maybe Holly wouldn’t be looking at you like that.” 

“Aaron,” he says quietly, doesn’t know where to go from there. 

“‘Cept knowing you, if all those stories me mum tells are true, you’d probably just charm her anyway, even with a smashed up face.” 

He holds the rock up like he’s really going to do it, glares at him with malice in his eyes, but then drops it to the ground. Winding up, he kicks it into the quarry and they both stand there and listen to the echoes as it falls. Exhaling the breath he’d been holding in, Robert deflates completely. He wants to reach out, pull him into a hug, but he’s afraid to right now. It’s like they’re back at the beginning except he knows now it’s what Aaron wants. It’s him that has the problem. 

“I’m sorry,” he settles on, knowing it’s inadequate. 

“Then why do it?” Aaron asks, turning towards him properly now. “Why ignore me for days?”

Robert knows the answer but he can’t bring himself to say it. He’s never told anyone about that day with his dad. “I don’t know,” he lies. 

“Why do you even want me?” Aaron asks him and the question floors him. It wasn’t what he was expecting at all. 

“What do you mean?” he asks. 

“You could ‘ave Holly if you wanted. Could ‘ave any girl you wanted probably. If you like girls, if you’re not– Why would you even bother with me?” Aaron hurls the words at him like the rocks he was throwing into the quarry. 

Robert’s heart breaks, because Aaron doesn’t even understand how much he’s beginning to mean to him. It scares him half to death most of the time, but it doesn’t make it untrue. Grabbing Aaron’s hand, he thinks ‘to hell with it’, and tugs him into a tight hug. Aaron melts into him, burying his face in his neck, wet nose, pushing into his skin. Clyde manages to wedge his head in between their legs because apparently he needs to be a part of this hug too and it draws a little laugh out of Aaron. The sound calms him, makes him more sure of himself. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles the words into Aaron’s shoulder, as he backs them away from the edge. 

Aaron pulls back and studies him for a moment before asking him, “Why?” again. 

He doesn’t know which why he’s referring to but he starts with Holly. “She was just there and it was easy. It didn’t feel like anyone was judging me for it and even Vic seemed happy enough about it. I just...the other day...with Andy. Him almost catching us, it freaked me out a bit.”

“Yeah, I know,” Aaron sighs. “But you’re usually so calm about all of that. It’s me that loses it.” 

A bitter chuckle spills out and Robert shakes his head. “It was Andy though and all I could see was him and I felt like–” He pauses, doesn’t want to say this part out loud, wants to keep it hidden way forever. “Nevermind.” 

\---

“Felt like what?” he asks Robert. Aaron doesn’t want to let this go. It feels like they’re finally getting somewhere. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Robert says as he looks towards his car, looks like he wants to run. 

“Robert,” Aaron warns him as he watches him shift uncomfortably, rocking back and forth on his feet. 

He takes a different tactic, tries to do for Robert what he did for him the last time they were standing here at the edge of this quarry. Taking his hand, he drags him down to sit on the wet ground, ignoring the face Robert makes that his jeans are going to messed up. Sometimes, he doesn’t know how Robert lives on that farm or how he puts up with him. Clyde seems to sense that Robert needs a bit of encouragement, the german shepherd walking over to Robert’s side and laying his head down in his lap. It makes Robert smile for a second as he lets his hand lazily scratch him behind the ears. 

“You know you can tell me anything,” Aaron says softly, trying Paddy’s words on him, hoping they’ll take. 

“Yeah,” Robert says and Aaron hopes he’s not going to just brush him off like he always does to Paddy. “It’s just…” He stops, looks down to where Aaron is still holding his hand, making circles with his thumb across the back of it. Slumping into Aaron’s side, he sighs like he’s finally giving in. “I was always a disappointment to my dad.”

Aaron thinks that admission came out of nowhere but he doesn’t want to derail him so he stays quiet, just keeps rubbing Robert’s hand in encouragement. 

“He knew,” Robert tells him, “about me, about well...you know.” 

Aaron watches him gesture between the two of them and then go back to petting Clyde. “Oh,” he says, “And what–”

“He caught me once, in my room, with this lad that we had helping on the farm one summer. I was fifteen and it was my first real kiss and then he comes barging in.” Robert stops, stares down at Clyde for a bit and Aaron lets him take the minute or two. “He sacked Tom on the spot and then he leathered me.” 

“Robert,” Aaron gasped softly, trying to block out the picture in his head. 

“He said it was for skiving, but he couldn’t look at me for weeks. I knew what it was for.” His hand drifts across Clyde’s back, twirling in the fur there. “I guess, I guess I never really thought about it being wrong until then. I just fancied him and wanted to kiss him and so I did. But then–” He cuts himself off and chances a glance up at Aaron before returning his gaze towards Clyde. “Andy almost catching us...I just felt like I was fifteen all over again and I panicked.” 

“I’m sorry, Robert,” Aaron breathes out the words, still wrapping his head around it. He thinks about his own dad, how that voice in his head twists everything around. He hates both of their dads now. “You’re not a disappointment, you know,” he blurts out, needs Robert to know that much at least. 

“Don’t,” Robert tells him, like he can’t bare to hear it. 

“I mean it. You’re amazing,” he says more insistently and he does mean it. “I wouldn’t have gotten through the last few months without you. Being with you now, it...it almost makes this feel okay.” 

Robert looks up at him now and his eyes seem to be encouraging him to say more, like he knows there’s more. His stomach aches with the need to just blurt everything out but he can’t, not now. It’s too much. Robert definitely wouldn’t want him then. Instead, he leans in and kisses him, pressing their foreheads together after for a moment before he draws back, something still on his mind. 

“You didn’t answer my other question,” he says. 

“What?”

“Why do you want me if you could have Holly or whoever? I mean, you like girls, right? Why put up with all this hassle?” He gestures toward himself. 

Robert sighs, looks like he’s thinking about it. “Because being with you makes it almost feel okay too. I don’t feel like I have to hide with you. I mean, obviously we are, but you know what I mean. I always feel like I have to try so hard with other people, but with you, it’s always been easy.” 

“Easy?” Aaron laughs. 

Robert grins back. “You’re right, you’re a nightmare but so am I. We fit.” 

Aaron smiles at that, kisses Robert again because he feels the truth in that down to his bones. Everyone always leaves or hurts him but with Robert he feels safe somehow, even if they are a bit of a disaster. Robert brings his hand up to cup his cheek, deepens the kiss as the rain starts coming down again in earnest but it doesn’t matter, he’s content right here.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some internal debate, Aaron thinks he's ready to have sex with Robert and invites him over to spend the night while Paddy is away. After, things take a turn for the worst. Also Robert sees Aaron in a suit for the first time and finally has the meeting with the rep from the supermarket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I suck. It's been two months since I last updated and I'm so sorry. And this chapter ends in an awful place but I've ditched my actual nano story in favor of working on this so, hopefully it will not be another two months before it continues. 
> 
> Again...I'm so sorry.

March 2010

The sofa cushions are squished awkwardly under his head and back but his fingers are in Robert’s hair, Robert’s lips are on his neck, Robert’s knee is between his legs, pressing against his crotch so Aaron doesn’t much care. Except he does. Robert’s mouth is back on his, their tongues sliding together. He tastes like cheap beer and crisps but Aaron doesn’t mind since he probably tastes the same. Grinding down on his thigh, Robert groans into his mouth and Aaron’s hands tighten in his hair, tugging him back a bit. He came over to play on the Playstation and somehow they ended up like this, controllers discarded on the floor, digital players standing around on a football pitch waiting to play. 

It feels amazing and yet, it scares the hell out of him. He’s accepted now for the most part that he likes Robert, that he likes kissing him. He even likes this but sex, it’s big step and if he goes there, he’s not sure what that says about him. It’s moments like these that the voice creeps back in no matter how much he tries to shut it out. 

Another groan from Robert pulls him out of his thoughts as he watches him palm himself through his jeans that are just too tight. There’s lust in his eyes, his pupils blown wide and Aaron doesn’t think anyone’s ever looked at him like this. He’s not complaining. 

“Do you want to?” Robert pants, trying to catch his breath. 

Aaron wasn’t ready for him to be so forthright about it. His breath catches in his throat and he can’t find the words to respond, isn’t even sure how he wants to respond. Robert sits back on his heels, his knee shifting away from his crotch and Aaron misses the pressure. His runaway thoughts are at war with his body that just wants and he wants to listen to it. Robert’s hand is still moving over his erection and Aaron can’t help but watch and he searches for something to say. 

Aaron opens his mouth to try and say something but the sound of the door opening has them both frozen in place. Voices filter in from the kitchen, Zak and Shadrach, arguing about something or other, heavy footfalls echo through the cottage. Robert slides back off of Aaron’s legs to sit on the far end of the sofa, trying desperately to smooth out the hair that Aaron’s messed up. Checking himself quick, Aaron grabs the controllers off of the floor and chucks one at Robert. It’s the wrong one but it hardly matters as Zak pokes his head into the room. 

“Hey up, lads!” Zak says. “What are you up to today?” 

Panic spreads through him and it’s all Aaron can do not to drop the controller from his clammy hands, let alone find something suitable to say. 

Robert sets his controller down on the table and looks at Zak and then back to him. “We were just about to go take Clyde for a walk, weren’t we Aaron?” 

Clyde picks his head up at the mention of his name. He’d been lounging on the floor in front of the other sofa the whole time, the only one privy to their secret. He lets out a single bark and Aaron watches as Zak’s attention shifts to focus on him. Clyde will definitely be getting a treat later for that. 

“Yeah,” Aaron finally manages to get out, giving Robert a conspiratorial nod. “Yeah we were. Paddy said to make sure he got plenty of exercise while he was away. So uhh…we better get going.” 

Robert knows where the leash is and he’s up off the sofa and has it in his hand before Zak can even say a word. He tosses it to Aaron who hooks it onto Clyde’s collar and tugs him toward the door that Robert already has open. 

“Will ya be back for yer tea?” Zak asks before they can disappear. 

“I’ll just grab something from the pub,” he calls over his shoulder as he Robert shuffle out. He doesn’t even have his wallet with him and hopes Robert does.

\---

The March air is chilly, too cold for the t-shirt that Aaron ran out of the cottage in. Even running after Clyde isn't making him any warmer, goose pimples raising on his forearms, as they make their way to their usual spot. Clyde welcomes the generous space of the cricket pitch after spending the day lazing about Smithy and Aaron lets him off his lead and gives him leave to run free. Robert has already found his way to the steps of the pavilion, sitting down and leaning against the porch railing. Watching him for a moment, Aaron can't help but think about what just happened, how close they were, his whole body still tingling with Robert's touch. 

“You're shivering,” Robert says when he finally sits down beside him. 

“Well we all can't wear our entire wardrobe on our backs every day,” he teases. Robert always dresses in too many layers. 

“Here,” Robert offers, pulling off his jumper and tossing it at him. 

“Uh, no thanks. It's got fucking elbow patches on it!” Aaron scoffs. 

“Oi! Some of us have more fashion sense than wearing the same hoodie every day!” Robert nudges his shoulder and then leans down and kisses him, quick and chaste, nothing like before. 

“They're different hoodies,” Aaron protests when Robert leans back against the railing again. 

“I promise, you can return the offensive jumper when we go back,” Robert laughs. 

Aaron grumbles but pulls the jumper over his head, the soft fabric immediately warming him up. A glance over at Robert reveals a smug grin and he can't resist giving him a shove back. He's infuriating sometimes even if he'd still rather spend time with him over anyone else. He's staring and Robert catches him, pulls him in close and kisses him again, licking into his mouth. Aaron responds in kind, hands gripping Robert's arms and drifting up to his shoulders, his neck, before finding their way to his hair, tugging a bit on the short hairs at the back. 

“You should grow your hair out so I can do that,” Robert mumbles the words against his lips. 

“My hair’s just fine, thanks,” Aaron tells him, their lips still connected. 

Robert runs his hands across his head, the short gelled hair rough against his fingers. “Mmm,” he hums his disagreement. “So,” he says and Aaron senses a shift of tone as he shifts himself back just a bit so their faces are still close but not connected. “If we hadn't been interrupted before?”

The question is there and Aaron's not sure he can answer it. He falters, drops his eyes away from Robert's intense gaze. “I-” he tries but he doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to mess things up when they're finally good.

A hand against his cheek lifts his eyes back up toward Robert's. “Hey,” he says in his soft voice. “I told you when we started this that we don't have to do anything until we're both ready. I still mean that, yeah?”

“Yeah, I know, but…” Aaron rambles. He just needs to get it out. “I just...I haven't...with a bloke I mean.” Not really, he adds in his head, but he doesn't want to think about that, not when he's here with Robert. He's been trying so hard. 

“I kind of figured,” Robert says almost too casually, nudging at his shoulder with his own. 

Aaron tries not to be annoyed. It's not like he knows and he's not sure he can ever tell him, tell anyone. If he did, he would ruin things for good. If he did, his dad would know, would find out somehow. He always said he would. Instead, he turns it back on Robert. “Have you? He asks, looking up at him almost shyly. 

“Yeah,” Robert admits. 

“Oh,” is all Aaron can manage. He hadn't expected that. His hands suddenly become very interesting again, the sleeves of Robert's jumper too long and covering most of them. He tries not to picture Robert down in London with a string of guys in his bed. How could he ever measure up?

“It was only twice,” Robert tells him, as if he can read his thoughts. “And I legged it so fast afterwards it was like I was never even there.”

“Because of your dad?” He blurts out and immediately regrets it when he sees the dark look that falls over Robert's face. “Sorry! You don't have to answer that.”

Robert finds his hands very interesting all of a sudden too, turning them over in his lap. “Sometimes I can't get his voice out of my head,” Robert says quietly. 

“I know what you mean,” Aaron admits in a whisper. Before Robert can respond to that though, he changes the subject. “But aside from that, was it…” He's not quite sure what he wants to ask. “Was it alright?”

Robert laughs and Aaron let's the sound wash over him, lets it heal him a bit. “I was so nervous and panicked I barely let myself enjoy it,” Robert says. “But it'd be different with you.”

“Yeah?” He asks, desperate for the reassurance.

“Yeah,” Robert gives it to him and captures his lips in another kiss. 

“I do want to,” Aaron says when they part again, “I just…” There was no way to explain why he was hesitating so much. 

“Like I said, when we're both ready,” Robert tells him again and he needed to hear it again. 

“But you are...ready I mean?” Aaron asks, fiddling with the ends of the sleeves of Robert's jumper again. 

“I think so,” Robert says, “but I meant what I said.”

“Thanks,” Aaron tells him and knows the word is inadequate for the gratitude he feels. “We should head back. Think he's tired himself out.” He points out at the grassy field where Clyde has flopped himself down in the middle and Aaron can hear his panting from the steps. 

“You gonna give me my jumper back then? Or is it growing on you?” 

That smug smile is back on Robert's face and Aaron doesn't know if he wants to wipe it away with his fist or his lips. The jumper has grown on him, makes him feel safer somehow but he won't let Robert have the satisfaction. Besides, it would look bad if he showed up back at the cottage wearing Robert's clothes. Well, maybe Zak and Shadrach wouldn't notice but Belle’s sharp as a tack and Paddy’s back today. Aaron’ll just be thrilled to get his house back to just him and Paddy without a host of Dingles cluttering up the place. They've been staying with them for too long now until Wishing Well gets sorted out. He's ready for a break. Still, it's better not to risk it so he pulls the jumper off. 

“Here, you smug git,” Aaron teases him as he slams it into his chest and then plants one more kiss on his lips before they head back to Smithy. 

“I'm gonna buy you hoodie with elbow patches for Christmas,” Robert laughs. 

“You'd better not!” Aaron tells him, as he hooks the leash back on Clyde’s collar. It dawns on him then that Christmas is months away and the thought sends warmth spreading through him that Robert thinks they'll still be doing whatever it is they're doing by then. 

\---

“Nervous?” Vic smirks at him over her cereal bowl. 

“Shouldn't you be off to school or summat?” Robert tells her and then downs the rest of his coffee, his third cup this morning. 

“Nah, this is way more entertaining!” 

He's got his business plans spread out across the table again, going over what he's going to say for the hundredth time. Finally, Mark came through and got him a meeting with the rep from the supermarket and today is the big day. 

“If you don't know it by now-”

“I know it just fine!” He protests. And he does. He's practically got his presentation memorized backwards and forwards at this point. Aaron probably does too considering the amount of times he's gone over it in the past week with him. He had to do something to distract himself from how much he wants Aaron, though, all the time. Still, he was determined to keep his promise not to pressure him. Instead, he just stressed himself out over the presentation. Even though the first meeting went perfectly, it's still been a long time now since he was in London and he hopes he hasn't lost his touch. 

“Calling to cancel?” Vic asks, pointing at his phone on the table next to him. 

“Huh?” He notices it buzzing against the surface as he looks over, smiles when he sees it's a text from Aaron. “No. Go to school!”

“Fine,” she grumbles and gets up from the table. “Good luck today. I mean it. Dad would be proud of you.”

Robert winces at the mention of Jack and takes a sip of his empty coffee mug to cover it, waiting until Vic is out the door before he picks up his phone. His mood lifts immediately. 

‘Stop stressing.’ He reads and grins. Aaron has been on him all week to relax about the meeting. And then almost instantly, another text comes through. ‘Oh and if you need a distraction…’

His foot taps against the floor rapidly as he waits for the rest of the message. He needs to convince Aaron to save up for a smart phone so texting is easier. Aaron says he doesn't see the point of them though, which always just makes him groan. Then again, the amount of time Aaron forgets his phone, it probably wouldn't matter anyway. 

‘...drop by the village and you can see me in a suit.’

That wasn't at all what Robert was expecting but he's intrigued. ‘Why are you in a suit?’ He texts back. 

‘Not for your benefit…’ comes through followed by, ‘but I thought you might enjoy ;)’

Yes he would enjoy, Robert muses to himself, trying to picture the image in his head. It's hard considering he's rarely seen Aaron out of his hoodie and track suit bottoms or his overalls. He'd like to see him in nothing at all but the moment he thinks the thought, he deletes it and focuses back on the conversation at hand. 

‘Cryptic’ he replies. 

‘I'll tell you when you get here.’ And then, ‘You've got time before your meeting right?’

He checks the time and nods to himself. ‘Yeah, I'll be there soon!’

Halfway to the village he gets another text from Aaron, telling him to meet him at Tug Ghyll, which only puzzles him more. When he pulls up outside of the cottage though, the door opens and Aaron comes out wearing a grey suit and Robert forgets to breathe for a second as he slams on the brakes. The nicest thing he's ever seen Aaron in is his black jumper, which he loves on him, but this is a whole other level. Aaron stops beside his car, gestures at him with a confused look on his face. He sees him mouth the words ‘drive by’ and remembers he’s supposed to actually get out of the car. Turning the key, he switches off the engine and opens the door. 

“You look…” he starts, unable to finish the sentence. 

Aaron's got his hands in his trouser pockets now, does a little spin around which makes Robert's stomach flip. “Pretty good huh? It's designer and everything!”

Pretty good indeed, Robert thinks as he takes him in. All he wants to do is rip it off of him though. “Anyone in there?” He points toward the cottage. 

“Yeah,” Aaron answers like it's obvious.

“Shame,” Robert sighs, eyes dragging over his body once more as he attempts to temper himself. “So what's all this for then?”

“Wedding innit,” Aaron tells him. 

Now he's just more confused. “Whose?” He asks. 

“Cain and Charity. Only she doesn't know it yet.” Aaron grins wide, clearly giddy at the thought. 

Robert can't help himself but laugh, picturing the multitude of ways in which this could go horribly wrong. “Oh I'm sure that will go well,” he says, wishing he could go as Aaron's date just to watch the inevitable train wreck. 

Aaron bites at his lip and Robert wants to kiss him but he can't do it here. “Meet me at the pub for the reception later? After your meeting, I mean…”

“Oh you can count on it,” Robert agrees. “And I want all the details!”

“Deal,” Aaron says, as he flattens down his tie. 

Robert watches him, taking in a last eyeful for now, appreciating. “Thanks,” he tells him. 

“For what?”

“The distraction. I think I needed it.”

Aaron risks a hand on his arm and he melts into the touch. “You're gonna do great, Robert.”

Now he desperately wants to kiss him, puts a hand on his waist but Aaron pulls away. He's right, they're way too exposed out here. Besides, he thinks, as he checks his watch, he needs to get going anyway. He can't be late for this meeting. 

“I'll see you after,” Robert says. 

“Yeah, I'll see you in a bit,” Aaron replies. “Good luck!”

\---

Robert is feeling good when he pulls up to the pub later, buzzing after the success of another good meeting. The smile hasn’t left his face since he shook hands with the James, the supermarket rep, and it only widens when he sees Aaron sitting outside, fresh pint in hand, waiting for him. He’s still wearing his suit and Robert takes in another appreciative eyeful. His tie has been loosened a bit and the top buttons of his shirt undone but that only seems to make the image better for him. He needs to stop, he scolds himself, but he can’t help it. 

The sounds of a Dingle party spill out of the Woolpack as he gets out of the car and Robert is happy that he doesn’t actually have to brave going in to find Aaron. He’s got nothing against his family, well not too much anyway, but all of them together like that is too much for him to handle sometimes. When he get’s closer, Aaron looks up at him, a lazy half smile on his face and Robert can see that he’s already happily buzzed, wants nothing more than to join him. 

“Hiya,” he says too loudly as Robert settles down on the bench beside him at the picnic table. They’re alone and it’s getting dark, so he sits too close, their legs touching from thigh to ankle. 

“So,” he starts, “how did it go?” He risks putting a hand briefly on Aaron’s thigh, giving it a slight squeeze. 

“Didn’t,” Aaron laughs, setting his pint back down on the table after another quick swig. 

“No!” Robert finds himself gasping, half exaggeratedly, half genuinely shocked and curious. Sometimes he surprises himself with how much he gets into the village gossip. It’s not like he’s Pearl or Betty or anything. It’s just nice when it’s not about him, which is another reason to keep his and Aaron’s well, whatever it is they’re doing, quiet. Relationship? He muses, but doesn’t dwell on it for long. “She turned him down? Or was it Cain that got cold feet in the end?”

“Her,” Aaron tells him, turning his body towards his so that he loses the contact of their thighs, the sudden cold making him hiss a bit. Their knees press together instead though so all is not lost. “They made a right scene!” He grins like he’s remembering it, but he doesn’t go into any more detail. 

Robert nods toward the pub, bad singing and glasses clinking, pouring out like a tone deaf symphony. “Still celebrating though?” he asks. 

Aaron points to his own pint. “Well, we Dingles aren’t ones to pass up a good knees up with free booze!” 

“Fair point,” Robert concedes and lets a grin spread across his face as he gets an idea. Before Aaron can pick up his glass again, he grabs it, cold condensation making it slippery in his hands, and takes a sip of his own. 

“Oi!” Aaron shoves at him, a little bit of lager splashing over the side of the glass and dribbling down over his fingers. “Get your own!” 

“All those pints I bought for you before you turned eighteen, I think you owe me a sip. Maybe even two!” Robert takes another sip, barely gets it down because he’s smiling too wide. 

“Fine,” Aaron grumbles. “Keep it. I’ll get another.” He gets up from the bench and Robert feels cold again, misses his presence already. He’s halfway toward the door when stops, spins around on one foot and looks at him again. “Wait! How did the meeting go?”

Robert beams. He can’t even help himself. The success of the meeting was one thing but having Aaron remember and care enough to ask feels even better. “Good,” he tries to downplay it even though he knows that his expression is betraying him completely. “Really good. He seemed impressed. Said he’ll be in touch. He’ll need to schedule a visit to the farm if this is all going to move forward.” 

“Robert that’s brilliant!” Aaron exclaims, the alcohol running through him making him a touch too loud again but he doesn’t have it in him to quiet him. “You know what, forget the drink.” 

He has no time to think before Aaron’s ice cold hand is grabbing his and yanking him up off the bench, dragging him around the side of the pub and into the shadows. It’s colder without the warmth of the pub lights and the wall that Aaron pushes him up against is freezing but it hardly matters when Aaron’s chapped lips are pressed against his, his hands pushed under his suit jacket and around his waist, pulling their bodies close together. It takes him a few moments to get his bearings before he’s able to respond, parting his lips to accept Aaron’s tongue swirling around his, wrapping his own hands around Aaron’s waist. A few more seconds and he’s daring to let his hand slide further down to cup Aaron’s arse. He feels Aaron freeze for a second, body going rigid in his arms for a moment and Robert feels like he’s made a mistake, but eventually Aaron relaxes, takes a breath, eyes sparkling, before coming back in for another kiss. 

\---

Their suits are a mess. ‘Rumpled’ was the word Robert had used as he tried his best to smooth out his jacket and tie, though it wasn’t much use when half his shirt tails were hanging out of his trousers. Thankfully his lot inside are just as much of a disaster so no one questioned it a bit when he ducked inside to get them more drinks. Now they’re back at the picnic table halfway through a third round, Robert’s body pressing up against his for warmth. The alcohol flowing through them though is helping a bit with that, making them looser, more uninhibited and Aaron knows they should be more careful but there’s hardly a sober person in sight so he tries to push down his fears. 

They have a rhythm now where they both go to take sips from their drinks at the same time and it makes them giggle every time it happens, which means sometimes more of his pint ends up splashed on his nice designer shirt than it does in his mouth. Robert sets his drink down first, as Aaron tries to gulp a bit more of his down. Over the rim of his glass, Aaron can see he looks strangely contemplative, fiddling with his hands a bit and staring over at him. He gives him a pointed look as he takes one last sip. 

“You ever think about marriage?” Robert blurts out. 

Aaron sputters, his pint nearly going down the wrong pipe as he struggles to swallow. “No,” he stammers when he finally feels like he’s not going to choke. “Why you’re not proposing are you?”

Robert’s eyes light up at the suggestion and before he knows it, he’s taken a bit of napkin and rolled it into a ring, slipping off the bench and getting down on one knee. “Aaron Livesy!” he calls out, too loudly. He’s definitely tipsy now. Maybe the third drink wasn’t the best idea. “Will you m-”

Hands around the lapels of his jacket, Aaron yanks him up off the ground and back onto the bench beside him. “Stop!” he scolds him but there’s no heat behind it because he’s laughing too hard and there’s no one around. “Will you be serious?” 

“How do you know I wasn’t being?” Robert contorts his face so that he looks deeply offended at the suggestion that he, Robert Sugden, could ever be a sarcastic shit. 

“Give over,” Aaron shoves him. Robert grins and rocks back and forth exaggeratedly until he settles again and leans against Aaron’s shoulder. “So...you think about it then?” Aaron risks, curiosity overtaking him for a moment. 

Another swig of his drink and Robert shifts his weight to lean back against the edge of the table. “Was engaged once,” he muses and Aaron’s reminded of the fact that Robert is nearly six years older than him. It never feels like it when they’re together but he does sometimes wonder why he’d want to hang out with a nothing like him, how they even became friends in the first place. 

“Right,” Aaron affirms, thinking back through the conversations he’s had with his mum. She’s in the pub now and he’s spent half the day with her. It hasn’t been so bad but he’s not sure how to feel about it either. Mostly, he’s just glad that Carl hasn’t been hanging around with her. “To Katie,” he continues. “Mum said once.”

“Oh I bet Chas had a lot to say about that,” Robert says and Aaron can hear the acidity in his tone. He forgets that Robert and his mum have this whole history that doesn’t include him in it, which is weird. “Not that she’s all wrong,” Robert adds, acid fading away into melancholy. “Messed that up like always.” 

“I’m glad you did,” the words escape Aaron’s mouth like they’re fleeing from his brain before he has a chance to think about them and bar their passage. Robert hears and glances over at him with a wide eyed look and Aaron hides his face behind his pint as he gulps down the rest too fast. He’s fidgeting now, leg jittering up and down and Robert has to put a hand on his thigh to settle him but it has the opposite effect. It’s now or never and he’s been thinking about asking him all day but he didn’t want to distract him too much from his meeting and he wasn’t quite sure but he is now. “Paddy’s away again next weekend.” 

“Yeah?” Robert says as he takes another sip of his pint. 

Aaron thinks he doesn’t really get what he’s asking so he better make it perfectly clear. Wringing his hands together a few times, he tries to work up the courage. It’s not like he doesn’t know he will say yes. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. “I just thought...you know, with- now that Zak and them have, well they’ve moved out again and...well maybe you could come over.” Robert’s put down his drink and turned toward him but his brow is still knitted with confusion, his mouth opening and closing like he’s trying to work out what he’s going to say next and finish his sentence for him. Now or never, he reminds himself again. “Maybe you could, you know, spend the night?” 

Robert understands now and his full attention is on him. “Are you sure?” is the first thing out of his mouth and it puts him at ease. 

Aaron looks around quickly. No one’s outside and he can hear his mum murdering ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ inside the Woolpack. He cringes, but at least she’s occupied. Quickly, he presses a chaste kiss to Robert’s lips. “Yeah, I am,” he affirms. 

“Then yes,” Robert says, giving him a little nip back. “I’ll be there.” 

A sigh of relief runs through him at his answer and then he feels nervous with anticipation all over again, already mentally preparing a list of what he needs to get sorted for their night in. “Another round?” Aaron asks, just to give himself something to do or his leg will keep bouncing and driving Robert mad. 

“Yeah, go on,” Robert grins at him, his smile so wide his eyes are barely open. 

\---

Paddy catches sight of the good beer in the fridge as he frustratingly potters around the kitchen for the thousandth time instead of actually getting ready to go. He pulls one out and examines the label like it’s going to hold some secret that will tell him why it’s there. Aaron just wanted something nice for tonight instead of the usual cheap tinnies he buys but he doesn’t need Paddy snooping around and picking them up. He pulls the curtain back and glances out the window.

“Your taxi’s here,” he announces and it’s about time. 

Putting the beer back in the fridge, Paddy looks flustered, which is the norm. “Now you’re sure you’ll be alright on your own this weekend?” he asks for the hundredth time. He glances back towards the refrigerator. “You’re not about to throw some wild party are you?” 

“With two cases of beer?” Aaron deadpans. “Rager of the century, that’ll be.” 

“Right,” Paddy muses. “Well you have my mobile and the number of the hotel-”

“Bye Paddy,” Aaron shoves his cases into his hands and moves him toward the door. 

“Well if you need me-”

“Bye Paddy,” Aaron tells him again, more insistently this time, as he opens the door for him to reveal the waiting taxi. It’s already an hour later than he was supposed to leave. 

“Bye,” Paddy manages as Aaron unceremoniously shoves him through the door and down the drive. “You look very smart by the way,” Paddy tells him as he hands his bags over to the taxi driver. “I’m sure whoever you’re trying to impress will be well chuffed at the effort.” 

“I’m not!” Aaron protests, looking down at his outfit, a light gray jumper and his best jeans. Well, he does actually hope Robert will notice. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow night,” Paddy says. 

“I know, I know. I’ll try not to trash the place too much,” Aaron gives him a wicked smirk. Paddy’s eyes bulge for a second and Aaron has to reassure him so he’ll actually get in the car. “Joke, Patrick.” 

“Right, very funny.” 

Giving him a final wave as the taxi drives off, Aaron hurries back inside to get the place ready, texting Robert as he goes to tell him it’s safe to come over now. He gets a smiley face back for his effort and it stupidly makes him grin in return. Nerves are coursing through his body but he’s excited too, only mildly terrified. At least shooing Paddy out was a good distraction and he hasn’t let his dad’s voice into his head all day, hopes it can stay that way, that maybe he can keep believing that he’s worth something. 

He finds Clyde sprawled across the sofa as he arranges the beers on the coffee table, taking two out of the case and setting them out, trying to make things look casual. “Get off,” he shoves at the big german shepherd, Clyde looking mildly offended that he’s being forced from his well earned spot. “You’re making the place look untidy,” he teases. 

Clyde growls at him for a second before reluctantly shifting off the sofa and settling on the floor by his feet, still managing to be in the way as he sets the dvd out and fishes his phone out of his pocket to order a pizza. He’s got a text from Adam asking if he wants to hang out but he tells him he’s got other plans. ‘With Robert?’ comes his response and when Aaron replies with a ‘yes’, Adam texts back with ‘say no more’. He doesn’t have time to be confused though because there’s a knock at the door and when he opens it, Robert is standing there looking amazing in his leather jacket and a navy blue shirt that brings out the bit of blue in his eyes. 

“Hiya,” Aaron greets him, his voice raspier than he intends it because all of a sudden he needs to clear his throat. 

“Hi,” Robert says as he slips into the cottage. They take each other in and Aaron notes that Robert’s wearing his best jeans too, the ones that fit just right. He wonders for a second if he could pull them off but he likes his baggy jeans too much. “You look great,” Robert tells him and Aaron can feel the heat in his cheeks and knows that they’re red. 

“Stop,” he says. 

“No, I mean it,” Robert closes the door behind him and brings his hands up to Aaron’s cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss. “You should learn to take a compliment, you know,” he chides him with a grin. “And you know if you wanted to give one every now and then…”

“Think you’re ego’s too big for that sort of thing, mate,” Aaron gives him a gentle shove. “But you do...I mean...you look great too.” He gets the words out and wants to bury his face in his hands rather than look at Robert again. He’s rubbish at this, but Robert has his hands on his shoulders, rubbing them gently and he’s telling him to relax and suddenly it’s okay again. 

“Zombieland?” Robert asks, nodded toward the dvd on the table. 

Aaron knows he’s blushing again. “Well, we didn’t exactly get to watch it last time so I thought…”

“It’s perfect,” Robert tells him, giving him another little kiss, still massaging his shoulders and Aaron just wants to melt into him. 

“Oh I ordered a pizza,” he blurts out just for something else to say. 

“Great.” Robert leads him over to the sofa, climbing over Clyde, and they settle down to wait. 

\---

Aaron stares at the telly. He can see the characters moving across it, killing zombies. He knows they’re speaking their lines and the story is progressing but he honestly couldn’t explain what was happening if anyone seriously asked. He’s watching but he’s not paying any attention. Instead, he’s wedged into one side of the sofa while Robert sits on the other end, also watching the movie intently. Aaron hopes he’s at least getting more out of it, though he can see him fiddling with his hands in his lap so maybe he’s not. The pizza box is open on the coffee table before them, half eaten, though half of Aaron’s ended up on still on his paper plate, the carnage a testament to how nervous he is. It’s ridiculous because they’re not normally like this. They’ve certainly hung out and watched a film before but now, it’s like there’s all this pressure and Aaron doesn’t know what to do with it. 

Not even trying to watch the film anymore, he glances down at Clyde who’s eyeing the cavernous space between them on the sofa. Aaron doesn’t even blame him because with the way they’re sitting, he could have stayed where he had been earlier and it wouldn’t have mattered much. Clyde seems to agree and Aaron sees his head perk up and a paw reach up to the middle of the sofa, then another and before Aaron knows it, Clyde is stretched out between them, head on Robert’s lap. 

“Woah!” Robert spooks when Clyde’s wet nose pushes against his hands. Glancing at Aaron, he gives him a rare shy smile that Aaron doesn’t even know what to do with. “This your way of maintaining space between us?” Robert laughs. 

“Yeah, well no one asked you to sit all the way over there,” Aaron counters, trying not to betray his nerves. 

Pulling off a piece of sausage from the remnants of the pizza, Robert feeds it to Clyde who laps it up immediately. He picks off another couple of pieces, puts them on a spare plate and reaches down with his long arms to put it on the floor. “Do me a favor, yeah Clyde?” he encourages and Aaron watches the german shepherd slide back down to the floor to retrieve his prize. Clearly the journey to the sofa worked out for him. 

“Wanna try this again?” Robert asks him, opening his arms up, like he’s inviting him in for a cuddle. 

Aaron’s not quite sure. Cuddling on the sofa with another guy just seems so domestic and normal and there’s still a part of him, nagging in the pit of his stomach that says he shouldn’t want that. At the same time, Robert looks so warm and tempting that he can’t help himself but shift over a bit. Robert, pulls him the rest of the way until he’s tucked under his arm, head resting on his shoulder. 

“So...what’s actually happening right now?” Aaron nods at the tv. 

Robert lets out a laugh, the puffs of his breath blowing across the top of Aaron’s head, making him tingle a bit at the sensation. “Have you not been paying any attention?” 

“Not really, soz,” Aaron admits, scrunching up his face. 

Robert starts explaining the plot to him but Aaron is just staring at the way his lips are moving, how animated he gets when talking about this sort of geeky stuff. He gets the sense that Robert doesn’t share this side of himself with most people and it makes him feel special that he gets to see it even if he doesn’t particularly care about the plot of this movie. Risking a hand on Robert’s thigh, he let’s his thumb slide back and forth across the soft fabric of his jeans. It’s not long before Robert notices and his explanation suddenly fizzles out. 

“Or we could just watch it properly later,” Robert tells him eventually. “Much later.” 

He doesn’t pause the film but instead simply tilts his head down and captures Aaron’s lips with his own. It’s messy and tastes of pepperoni and sausage and beer and yet somehow it calms him down. This part is familiar territory at least. Aaron sits up, trying to get better leverage to kiss him and Robert surprises him by pulling at his waist, drawing him into his lap. They break for a moment to get used to the new bearings and then Robert, hands cradling his head, tugs him down for another kiss, crushing their lips together with force before the kiss opens up again. Aaron can feel Robert hard through his jeans that leave little to the imagination and it makes his body respond too. 

They’re rutting against each other and Robert groans into his mouth as they kiss again. Aaron’s just trying to stay in the moment and not think too much, not think about what’s about to happen, about the condoms and the lube he has stashed upstairs, hoping he got the right things. He’s trying not to think about how grateful he is now that he passed his driving test and that Ryan was willing to let him borrow his car so he could go into town away from prying eyes, even though it didn’t stop him from nearly dying from embarrassment anyway when he went to make his purchase. He’s still trying to shove down that voice in his head that says that this is wrong, that he shouldn’t enjoy this. Instead, he tries to focus on Robert’s hot breaths against his lips, his cheek, his neck and he moves down to suck at his collarbone, on his big hands holding onto his waist, encouraging his hips to buck against his own. 

Eventually, Robert pulls back before it gets any heavier. “You’re definitely sure?” he checks in with him. 

Aaron nods, wants to be, wants this. Boldly, he grabs the hem of his jumper and pulls it up over his head. “I’m sure,” he says, just to be clear. 

Robert’s eyes slide from his face down his chest to his stomach and he grabs at his belt for a second before he stops himself again. “Should we take this upstairs then?” 

He nods again, doesn’t totally trust himself to speak through the war of nerves and lust coursing through his body. He wants this, he does, even if he’s still scared. Sliding off of him, Aaron gets to his feet, takes Robert’s hand in his and pulls him up off the sofa. They both stumble over Clyde as they make their way out of the room, through the kitchen and up the stairs. 

\---

His bedroom is still filled with heavy breathing as they come down from the high, Robert shifting over to make room for him on his stupid single bed, as he strips the condom off and ties it off. Aaron watches him toss it into the bin, biting at his lip. He’s fidgety beside him, not quite sure what he’s supposed to do now, but Robert doesn’t make him feel awkward for long, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in so his head is resting on his chest, rising and falling with every breath. He listens to his heartbeat, still pounding fast, breaths puffing out and cooling the sweaty hair on his head. Their naked limbs are half tangled up in the sweat damp sheets but he tries to relax into Robert, focus on the hand that’s stroking up and down the planes of his back. 

“You okay?” Robert asks him, whispers it so as to not disrupt the calm silence around them. 

Aaron lets out a deep breath, searching for an answer. It was good. It felt good, amazing actually. He tries not to dwell on the fact that the only other person he’s really had sex with is Robert’s sister, but this was infinitely better than that. Finally, he thinks he understands what all his mates at college were going on about. It feels like he found that thing he was missing last time. 

“Aaron?” Robert prompts him again, sounding concerned, unsure of himself. 

It seems odd to him that Robert would sound nervous now, especially when he’d taken the lead once they’d gotten up here and Aaron had let him even though it scared him to give up control like that. He’s lost now in the memory of Robert undoing his belt, pushing down his jeans, of Robert helping Aaron undo the buttons on his shirt. He’s thinking about the moment when he slipped his hand inside his boxers and wrapped his fingers around him for the first time. 

“Aar-” Robert starts for a third time but a creak of the old cottage interrupts him. He laughs, jokes about the place being haunted and kisses the top of Aaron’s head but Aaron’s frozen, rigid in his arms all of a sudden, listening for more, expecting footsteps. 

It’s like he’s in a waking nightmare all of a sudden, memories of what he and Robert just did mixing with hands holding him down, of pain. He feels sick. Everything that just happened suddenly feels tainted, wrong, and he can’t block it out. Now that he’s done it, now that he’s enjoyed doing that with another man, he wonders again if this is what his dad turned him into. He hates him, hates the thought that what he did to him made him like this, made him feel like he needs to hide half his life away because if people knew, what would they think of him? Even Robert’s ashamed of it and suddenly his arm around him feels too heavy, feels like it’s crushing him. He shoves it off and sits up, skin prickling with shame, fear. 

“Aaron?” Robert startles. “What’s wrong?” 

There’s so much softness and concern in his voice and it just makes him feel worse, like he’s weak, like he gave in and let this happen and now there’s no going back. The room around him feels like it’s closing in on him and his skin like it’s on fire. A hand against his arm, Robert’s hand, makes him jerk away. Shuffling from the bed, he starts grabbing for his clothes. They feel rough and heavy against his skin as he shoves them on, grabs a dirty t-shirt off the floor and one of his hoodies and bolts from the room. He hears Robert calling after him but he can’t do this right now. He has to get out of here. There’s keys on the table and he grabs them and slips out into the night. 

\---

Robert’s cold and confused, the empty place beside him on the bed where Aaron was five seconds ago makes him shiver. He’s not sure what happened, what he did wrong. He had thought Aaron was enjoying himself, maybe a little nervous, sure, but he was confident that he was into it, wasn’t he? It reminds him of Aaron’s birthday when he kissed him and then he had bolted so fast. He’s still not sure what happened that night either but they’d pushed past it. At least he thought they had. They’d started something, whatever this was, and they were in it together. Robert had had his own wobble and Aaron had sat there with him at the quarry and let him talk through it all. Things were fine, but they weren’t, clearly. 

The door slams, the sound echoing up the stairs, spurring Robert into action. He bats away the sheets from his ankles and flops off the bed, his limbs still languid. He’s not sure how Aaron managed to run out of here so fast, not that he’s not practiced at escaping someone’s flat quickly after a one night stand. Throwing on his clothes, he opts for grabbing one of Aaron’s shirts and hoodies off the floor rather than bother doing up the buttons on his shirt and races downstairs in search of his shoes. He finds them by the door where he left them and shoves his feet inside. Keys, he thinks, as he looks around and doesn’t see them. He could have sworn he had left them on the table next to the dvd case but they’re not there. Closing up the pizza box, he checks under the top but they’re not there either. 

“Where the h–” he nearly falls flat on his face as he trips over Clyde who hasn’t much moved from where he laid down earlier with his sausages. Instead, he slams into the door, grabs his leather jacket from the arm of the other sofa and opens it. His car is gone, he realizes. Aaron must have taken it. 

His heart is beating faster now and he’s shivering like he’s cold, teeth chattering and everything but he knows it’s just the fear coursing through him. Hurrying into the kitchen, he searches around for a bit, trying to find Paddy’s keys but they don’t seem to be in any logical place. There’s a hook on the wall where they probably should be but nothing’s hanging there except Clyde’s lead and he’s not sure that’s entirely helpful right now. 

“Fuck!” He shouts and Clyde barks from the other room. He’ll have gone to the quarry probably. It’s where he went last time. Unless he’s doesn’t want to be found but Robert can’t think like that. He stamps his foot against the floor and hear a ringing sound, startling him more that Clyde’s bark. Even in this state a little burst of laughter comes out, his mind flashing back to hours in an arcade and him and Aaron finally starting to get along a bit. He claps his hands and hears the ring again, walking toward the sound. One more clap and he’s found them buried under a stack of paperwork from the surgery. He swirls the keyring around on his finger once and grabs the keys in his hand, running out the door. 

He hates driving Paddy’s car. It probably wouldn’t be so bad except he’s panicked and the radio blasts on some terrible station the moment he turns the key. The mirrors are all wrong, the seat is up too far, which he doesn’t even understand because Paddy and him are about the same height. He screeches out of the drive, his foot pressed too hard on the accelerator because he’s freaking out. The way Aaron wrenched away from him when he put his hand on his arm scared the hell out of him and his face was white as a sheet by the time he ran from the room. His mind is running through all sorts on the drive but nothing prepares him for when he gets to the quarry. 

His car is the first thing he finds, parking alongside of it. Getting out, he checks in there first and doesn’t see him so he swings his eyes toward the quarry edge. He expects to see him standing there, but he doesn’t look angry or hurt, he’s not chucking rocks over the edge in frustration. Instead, he’s just standing there staring, looking down and Robert feels his heart drop into his stomach. He’s not sure how they got here but his stomach turns at the thought. Cautiously, he eases himself forward, not wanting to spook him. He knows how far down that drop is, remembers when they had to rescue Andy when they were kids. He’d rather not have to repeat that if Aaron slipped. If he jumped–he can’t think like that. He’s close enough now that he could reach out a hand and pull him back if he needed to, but he keeps his hands to himself after how he reacted earlier to a touch. Aaron’s face is still pale and Robert isn’t even sure he’s aware of him being there. 

As quietly as he can, he whispers into the dark, “Aaron?”

Aaron turns and Robert can see the tears shining in his eyes. Something inside him breaks for him and all he wants to do is pull him into a hug and never let go but he forces his arms to stay at his side. 

“I can’t,” is all Aaron manages to say.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron finally tells Robert about his dad and Robert tries to cope with the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, an update in two days instead of two months! Haha. 
> 
> So...this was the chapter I was dreading to write. I'm glad it's done with now. I hope it doesn't suck.

March 2010

Darkness. That’s all that lays before him, an empty void. The tips of his trainers stick out over the crumbling edge of the rock. Aaron thinks about all those stones he’s thrown over the last few months, how long they take to reach the bottom. Hands and knees shaking, he leans a little further out, but sways back. He wonders what it would be like to feel weightless for just a moment before everything went black. Would anyone really miss him? It’s not like he’s not thought about it before back when he was living in that house. His dad wouldn’t have missed him. He was always just angry with him and the rest. Sandra had Liv and she was too young to know the difference, probably didn’t miss him now, and his mum, she’d already left him so what did it matter. She’d done it again too, going off to live with Carl. He has Paddy, but he’d had to trick him into letting him stay. He has Robert and he hopes that he would miss him, but he’d just find someone else. They’d all move on, he’s not worth it. 

If they all knew the truth, they’d want nothing to do with him anyway. Besides, no one would believe him. His dad always said that everyone knew what a liar he was. They’d just think he was lying about this too. Even if they did believe him. He knew what his dad did was wrong so what he’s turned him into, that’s wrong too. They’d all just think he was as sick as him. Swaying back, he peers over the edge again. He’s not worth it, he never has been. 

Gravel shifts and crunches behind him, another car driving up. It’s probably Robert, he thinks. He’s the only one that would know he’d come here. He would miss Robert and he hates himself for that. Footsteps sound behind him but they don’t scare him. He knows it’s Robert now, can hear it in the way he’s walking, in the shallow breaths he’s taking in the cold. His teeth are chattering. Robert is always freezing. He’s just behind him now, close enough to touch but he doesn’t and Aaron’s grateful for that. It’s like he’s treating him as though he were a frightened animal and he supposes the comparison is pretty apt. He doesn’t care; he just wants that voice in his head to stop. Peace and quiet, that would do him just fine. 

“Aaron,” he hears Robert’s voice in his ear. It’s a warm comfort and a punch to the gut. 

Aaron’s glad he’s here but at the same time, he doesn’t trust himself around him. He made him weak, made him give in to it all. If Robert knew the truth though, he’d leave him and that thought sucks all the breath out of him for a moment and it takes a second or two to find it again, to breathe. 

He doesn’t want him to go just yet so he turns, knows he has to face him, but all he can manage when he looks into his eyes, shiny with unshed tears is, “I can’t.”

\---

There's a tremor in his hands and Robert doesn't know if it's from the cold or nerves or the desperate need he has to reach out and yank Aaron back from the edge. No matter the reason, he shoves them into his pockets in an effort to keep some kind of control over them. His heart has leapt from his stomach up into his throat, pounding at a dangerous rhythm. He's in so far over his head right now but he doesn't know what to do. All he's focused on is getting Aaron to take a step or two backwards, to make sure he's safe. 

It was only a few weeks ago that they were here together, Aaron furious at him for flirting with Holly. He had set all that aside though and was so patient with him as he spilled everything out about Jack. He just wants a chance to do that with Aaron now, be there for him like that, listen. That day, he could tell that Aaron was holding something back but he was too in his own head to push it then and now he wished desperately that he had. What if he could have stopped this?

“Can't what?” He asks dumbly, hates himself for coming up with such a stupid question. 

“I can't be like this anymore,” Aaron cries out and the admission seems to shock both of them. 

Robert looks down at the ground for a second, trying to think of how to respond but when he looks back up, Aaron's turned back towards the gaping pit of the quarry, his feet shuffling dangerously close to the edge. He doesn't even think before he does it, his hands just fly out of his pockets and grab hold of Aaron's arms, wrenching him backward. The cold fist that connects with his nose comes as a shock and it sends him reeling backward, stumbling, falling to the ground. Hot, sticky blood pours out of his nostril, a metallic taste flooding his senses as it drips onto his tongue. He coughs once and that seems to alert Aaron that something even happened because from what he can tell, he'd just been standing there in shock. 

“No,” Aaron sobs, tears streaming down his face now. “I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Robert.” 

Aaron falls to his knees beside him and Robert instinctively flinches away from him when he tries to touch him. He doesn't mean to but he can't help it. Aaron's eyes go wide and he rocks back on his heels, looking even more frightened of the situation than Robert feels. 

“Please don't be afraid of me,” Aaron whispers. 

“I'm not,” Robert manages as he tries to stem the bleeding by tilting his head back. It only makes the blood drip into the back of his throat and then he's coughing again. 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry,” Aaron keeps mumbling and Robert doesn't think he even heard what he said. “I just panicked. I just need it all to stop. I can't be like this. It's wrong. He made me like this and I can't let him win. I won't.”

Robert only catches half the words the first time or two but Aaron just keeps repeating it over and over on a loop. He wants him to stop, to explain. He needs to get his attention somehow but he doesn't want to risk touching him again. His t-shirt, Aaron's t-shirt, is damp and he looks down to see that the top half is covered in drops of blood from his nose. God he needs this to stop bleeding. He’ll buy Aaron a new black hoodie later, he thinks, as he pulls the end of the sleeve over his hand and pushes it against his nose, letting it soak up the blood. 

Finally, it seems to be stopping a bit so he clears his throat and tries to speak again. “Aaron,” he says, loud enough for him to hear but hopefully not loud enough to scare him. “Aaron, you're not making any sense. I'm not afraid of you. I just need you to talk to me.”

“I can't,” Aaron tells him and Robert can see how much pain he's in and all he wants to do is fix it. “He’ll know if I tell you.”

Robert's brain is a bit fuzzy from the punch but he's still pretty sure nothing Aaron is saying makes any damn sense. “Aaron. Who will know if you tell me what?” He pauses, remembers another part of his repeating words. “You said he made you like this? Who is he?” He doesn't have the slightest clue but he's trying to scroll through all the possibilities but nothing seems like the right answer.

Aaron just shakes his head, looks back toward the edge of the quarry, sending a shiver down Robert's spine. 

“Please talk to me. What is it you said to me? You know you can tell me anything. It won't go any further. I promise.” He hopes it's a promise he can keep. 

“My dad.” The words are quiet. Robert barely hears them but he does. 

That was the last thing he was expecting. Aaron never mentions his dad other than to say he doesn't speak to him anymore. Maybe there's a reason. “What did your dad do?” He tries to encourage him to continue. Anything to keep him talking. He shuffles back from the edge a bit more and Aaron follows and all of a sudden he can breathe a little easier again. 

Aaron's frozen again, fiddling with his bleeding knuckles, like he's trying to decide if he trusts him enough to say anything more. Robert knows it shouldn't matter right now, but it does sting a little that he might not, and after everything he shared with him. 

“He hurt me.”

Again Robert almost misses the admission, Aaron's voice so soft and young sounding. It's eerie almost. Running the words through his brain, he tries to decipher them. Did he hit him like Jack hit him? Was it something else? All options for the something else scare the hell out of him. 

“Hurt you? What do you mean he hurt you? He hit you? Beat you?” He's having a hard time connecting the severity of Aaron's reaction to something like that though. Then again, Jack hitting him has had too much influence on his life. 

“Forget I said anything,” Aaron says quickly, “I shouldn’t have told you.” 

“Yes, yes you should have,” Robert tries. “I just want to help.” 

“What and you think talking about it is gonna help do ya?” Aaron spits at him, almost as violently as the punch. It hits him just as hard because he’s trying here. He’s way out of his depth but he’s trying. 

He wishes he left the headlights on on the car or something because it’s too hard for him to see everything happening on Aaron’s face right now. The tears are shining in the moonlight though, dripping off his chin and running down his neck. He looks about ready to break and Robert feels like he’s breaking with him because he just doesn’t understand. 

“Aaron, nothing’s worth this much pain,” he tells him because he just want him not to hurt anymore and it seems like he has been for a long time.

Robert just hears him sob louder, hunching over on himself. All he wants to do is scoop him up in a hug, even if he would just bleed all over him at this point. He switches to the other sleeve now that the first is too blood soaked at the top to be of much help. 

“Please, Aaron,” Robert pleads with him, his words muffled by the sleeve of the hoodie. “What did he do to–”

“He raped me!” 

These words aren’t quiet, they’re shouted in anguish and they echo all around him, make him feel like he’s drowning because what does he say to that? How can he possibly make this any better for him? He can’t even imagine. Sniffling back his own tears, more blood drips into his throat and he coughs again. Aaron looks up at him, face still soaked with tears, like he’s begging him to say something, anything. Robert doesn’t have a clue though. He’s just thinking about what a pathetic idiot he was going on about what his dad did to him when Aaron’s did so much worse. How could Aaron even stand to listen to him talk about that when he was dealing with this? 

“That’s it,” Aaron sneers at him, balling his bloody fingers into another fist. “You can’t even say anything? You’re repulsed by me now.”

“No!” Robert assures him. How could he even think that? “No, I was just…” 

“You don’t believe me then,” Aaron concluded. “He always said no one would.” 

“No!” Robert tries again. 

“Then what?” Aaron leans forward a bit, fist grinding against his other palm. 

“No, I just-I was just-it’s stupid. I was thinking about how pathetic you must have thought I was talking about my dad and what he did when you were dealing with so much worse.” Robert spews the words out, doesn’t even know if they make sense, doesn’t even know if it matters cause he’s an idiot. 

“What?” Aaron asks, rocking back on his heels again, dropping his fists to his sides. 

“Nothing, god, nothing. This is not about me,” Robert rambles, trying to focus. Aaron’s gone quiet again and even in the limited light, Robert can’t get over how young he looks right now or how broken and defeated he looks. He’s slumped over, face pale, eyes wide and it’s killing him to see. Wiping another drip of blood away, he opens his mouth to try and find something constructive to say. 

“Has it still not stopped bleeding?” Aaron asks and the fact that Aaron’s even thinking about him right now floors him. “I’m so sorry Robert. And...you’ve bled all over your shirt now…”

“Good thing it’s yours then, eh?” Robert jokes and then immediately wants to punch himself in the face for trying to make light of things at a time like this. He hears Aaron huff out a laugh though and sees his lips curve into the barest hint of a smile in the darkness and he feels like some bit of the weight has been lifted off of him. He just wants to marvel at him, at how he can still smile or laugh at all after a revelation like that. That thought brings him back to the moment at hand, the horrors of what Aaron has had to face. He asks the question he dreads the answer to, “How old were you?” 

Aaron looks sick and his breathing shallows out for a second and Robert wonders if he should have stuck with the banter. The last thing he wants to do is make things worse, but he needs to know. 

“I was eight,” Aaron says softly, “the first time.” 

Robert doesn’t know what to tackle first, the fact that he was only eight years old or the fact that he actually said ‘the first time’? Now he feels sick. 

“My mum had just left him,” Aaron continues and he’s glad because he wasn’t sure what to say next, but he hates Chas even more now. “I’d been playing up for weeks and I wouldn’t do anything he asked me to do. It was all my fault, he said, but I was just crying because I missed her. I don’t-I didn’t even know what was happening. Just that it hurt...and it was wrong. And now-and I’m well...I don’t know. He said he had to do it, to punish me.” 

Robert wants to murder this man with his bare hands but he settles for, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” 

“He said if I-he said that if I told anyone, then it would happen again. What if-”

“Aaron, I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” Robert frantically tries to reassure him. 

“It doesn’t matter anyway, he’s already won,” Aaron sighs, burying his head in his hands. 

Frowning, Robert tries to puzzle out what he means but he’s failing. “Why doesn’t it-what do you mean he’s won?”

He looks up at him, pulling his hands away from his face, wiping some of the tears away with the sleeves of his hoodie. If it’s possible, he looks even more panicked about this than he did before and Robert is terrified to hear it. 

“He did this to me,” Aaron tells him and Robert doesn’t understand. “He made me like this and now that-now that we, well, you know. I was weak and I gave in and well, he’s won hasn’t he?” 

“Aaron,” Robert sighs, his heart breaking further, shattering to pieces. He risks it, he has to, even as he braces himself for another punch. Reaching out, he takes Aaron’s hands into his to get his full attention. He struggles for a minute before relaxing a bit, staring at him with glassy eyes. “Aaron, you’re not-you’re not gay because of what he did to you. And you are, aren’t you? We’ve never really talked about it officially but you got so mad about Holly and-”

Aaron sniffs back more tears, his hands shaking in his grip. He nods, “Yeah, but-”

“You are who you are, Aaron, and nothing he did to you can change that or make you something you’re not. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he adds in for extra measure. 

“You are,” Aaron counters and it catches him off guard. 

“Yeah well I’m a bad influence on you, everyone says so,” he blurts out. Another little huff of laughter from Aaron and Robert feels for the first time since Aaron ran out of his room earlier, that maybe things might just be okay, though he’s not sure how. “I guess that’s something we both need to work on.” 

“Suppose,” Aaron sighs and Robert can see just how exhausted he looks, like all of this has taken everything he had in him. 

“If nothing else,” Robert has to get this in here, “please believe that none of what he did to you is your fault.” Aaron looks away from him, away from his hands that Robert’s still holding onto for dear life, trying to keep his head above water. “Aaron?”

He looks back and nods and Robert thinks that’s all he’s going to get out of him. A shiver runs through him, making his body shake and his teeth start chattering again. “Can I take you home? It’s freezing out here.” 

Another nod, and he’s helping him stand, guiding him over to the car, both on unsteady legs. They can take Paddy’s car. Robert can come back for his later, thinks he’ll be glad of the walk to try and sort some of this mess out in his head. He doesn’t even know where to begin, but for now, Aaron’s safe and that’s all that matters. 

\---

Aaron’s knackered. He leans his head against the passenger side window as Robert drives them back, thankful for the thin layer of frost that formed on the glass. His head is pounding and the cold is soothing it a little. From time to time, he glances over at Robert, trying to read him, his mood, after what he’s told him. He never wanted to tell anyone any of that, let alone Robert. The rational part of him says he’s wrong, but he can’t shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach that Robert’s just going to drop him off and never look back. He almost wishes he hadn’t said anything but having someone else tell him that his dad didn’t make him like this, that it’s okay, well, it’s not okay yet but for the first time he thinks maybe it could be. It still feels like a fleeting thought though. Mostly, his head is wrecked. 

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knows, Robert is opening the door for him, slipping an arm under his to help him out of the car because all of a sudden he can’t stand on his own two feet, his legs like jello beneath him. He’s dazed but he lets Robert help him inside, lets him sit him down at the kitchen table. The kettle clangs as Robert fills it up with water and sets it to boil, busying himself readying two mugs and searching for the tea bags. Now that they’re finally in the light, he can see the extent of what he did to Robert’s face. There’s dried blood crusted around his nose, on his lips and chin, all down his t-shirt. A bruise across his nose and cheek is already starting to bloom red and purple. His own knuckles are red and split open in places and looking at them makes him feel sick. How could he do that to him? 

“Robert?” he tests his voice, unsure of it. 

Robert turns around, immediately attentive. “Yeah?”

“Your face,” he says, “God I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just-”

“I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that,” Robert says quickly. “Besides, the bleeding finally seems to have stopped. Your hoodies are good for something.” 

“You’ll be buying them with elbow patches for yourself next,” Aaron laughs, surprised he can still do that after the night he’s had, but Robert always makes it easy. 

“Maybe I will,” Robert grins at him and despite the bloody smile, it’s comforting. The fact that Robert is here, joking with him like this, it means the world to him, like it didn’t end back at the quarry. 

The kettle boils and Robert fills up their mugs, pours milk into Aaron’s just how he likes it and brings them over, setting his down gently in front of him. He just stares at it for a minute, blowing on it and watching the steam drift away from his breaths and dissipate into the air. Robert sits down at the table across from him with his own mug and he wonders if it’s because he’s afraid to get too close. He finds himself staring at the bruise again and he can’t help himself, pushing away from the table and rummaging around in the fridge until he comes up with a bag of frozen peas. 

“Here,” he says, offering the bag. 

“Thanks,” Robert takes the peas and presses the bag gingerly to his face, wincing at the contact. “Got a spare one for your hand?” 

“It’ll be fine. I’m so-”

“Sorry, I know. It’s okay. I mean it’s not, but I get it,” Robert assures him one more time. He sets the frozen peas back down on the table and takes a sip of his tea, making a bit of a face but that’s probably due to the fact that it’s mixed with the taste of blood because Robert makes a surprisingly good cuppa. When he sets his mug back down he shifts in his chair, looks uncomfortable and Aaron dreads what he’ll say next. “Aaron, did you-were you actually going to-”

“Jump?” he finishes for him and sees Robert twitch at the word like it physically attacked him. “I don’t know. I just. His voice is always in my head and-and I just wanted it all to stop, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah I get that,” Robert nods and Aaron knows he does, he understands him better than anyone. 

He bites at his fingernails and it’s something Aaron’s never seen him do so he knows he’s finding all of this really difficult and he hates that he’s put this burden on him. “Go on, ask what you wanna ask.” 

“Are you sure?”

“No, but I’ll change my mind in a second.”

“It’s just, you said the first time you were eight. Did it happen again?” Robert cringes at his own question. “Sorry, you don’t have to-”

“Things went back to normal after the first time. We got on even better. It was me and him against the world, he said. But then Sandra, my step mum, came along and they had my sister and I couldn’t be good forever. I wasn’t even eleven,” the words spill out of him with more tears and he has to move his mug away so they don’t drip into his tea. “It happened again...when I was twelve and I should have been able to fight him off-”

“Aaron you were just a kid,” Robert tells him and yeah, he knows that, but he still feels like he should have been able to. “Did it-did it happen again?” he asks, like he almost doesn’t want to know the answer. 

Aaron nods, caught up in the memory of his dad’s face that night, the anger in it. He had known it was coming. “When I was sixteen. He tried but-he didn’t. I wanted to hit him, but I ended up hitting Sandra instead. All that time and I hit the wrong person. What kind of bloke does that make me?” 

“One who’d had to deal with too much for too long,” Robert mutters. It makes Aaron’s heart swell somehow that he has Robert in his corner like this, defending him, even if it’s just to the dark thoughts in his head. He never thought he’d have that. 

“He kicked me out,” Aaron continues, thinking about the night he spent sleeping rough, the trouble with the McFarlanes, but it brought him here to the Dingles, to Paddy, to Robert. “It was the best thing he ever did.” 

“And you’ve just been dealing with all of this on your own, all this time?” Robert asks, his eyes wide with what looks like amazement.

“You’re the only one I’ve ever told,” Aaron explains and then he starts to panic a bit. “And you can’t tell anyone else. You promised it wouldn’t go any further.” 

He’d picked up the frozen peas again but he puts them back down, his mouth dropping open. “I did promise but Aaron, you have to tell someone, Paddy, the police? I’ll go with you to the cops if you want me to.” 

“No Robert!” Aaron silences him. “It was hard enough for me to tell you. No one else needs to know and there’s no way I’m going to the cops. Just because you believe me, doesn’t mean anyone else would. Anyway, he’d just twist it all. I just want to forget it ever happened.”

“But can you?” Robert asks. 

He touches the cuts on his knuckles, the pain helping to focus his thoughts. No, he can’t forget it ever happened. He’s tried but going to the police, telling other people won’t change that. It would change how people see him though. The last thing he wants to be to people is some pathetic victim. “Now he’s not around, I can cope. Just please promise me you won’t tell anyone,” Aaron pleads with him. “Prove to me that I can trust you.” 

Robert considers it, bites at the bit of dried blood on his lip. “Okay,” he agrees, “but if you ever want to, tell someone I mean, I just want you to know that I’ll be there for you if you need me to be, okay?” 

Aaron nods, hopes he can trust him not to say anything. He can’t bear the thought of anyone else knowing, his mum, Paddy. He hates that Robert knows now, but he can’t take it back at this point. Robert’s fidgeting again across the table, looking from the frozen peas to his mug and back to him like he doesn’t quite know what to do. He can tell he wants to ask something else but Aaron’s not sure what there is left to say, not really. 

“What?” he asks. 

With a deep breath in, Robert wrings his hands together a few times, before he opens his mouth again. “Was it-before-when we-was it something I did? That made you run?” 

Aaron’s heart breaks because the last thing he wants is for Robert to blame himself for any of this. “No, god no. I just-you asked me before all this if I was okay and...I was in that moment. It was good, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just-the floorboards creaking-”

“Floorboards?” 

“When he’d come into my room, the door would creak open and- the floorboards creaked and it just-it just got all messed up in my head and I panicked,” Aaron tries to explain. 

“Right, good, I mean, christ, you know what I mean,” Robert rambles, shaking his head at himself. 

“You were perfect,” Aaron says and can’t believe he actually said that out loud. He knows his face is bright red and he hides it with his hands. It’s not the time for this but he’s so tired of the voice in his head, he just wants to say what he feels for one second without it tainting it. Peeking through his fingers, he sees a small smirk on Robert’s face even though it disappears quickly. “Don’t let it go to your head.” 

“Never,” Robert banters back on cue and it almost feels like normal again. He pauses now, finishes off the rest of his tea and sets the mug back down. “So...do you want me to go...or stay?” 

Aaron thinks about it, not really sure what to say. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore but he doesn’t want to be alone either. “Stay,” he settles on. 

“Okay,” Robert agrees. “I’ll-I can sleep on the sofa.” 

“Yeah alright,” Aaron sees the sense in that. He’s not sure he wants anyone in his personal space right now, even Robert. Still, he really doesn’t want to be alone. “Don’t think I’m ready for bed just yet.” 

“Could always give Zombieland another try?” Robert offers. “Third time’s the charm. Though judging by your interest in it earlier, it might be just the thing to put you to sleep. Win win.” 

“Sounds like plan,” Aaron says. 

\---

Robert gets Aaron settled on the sofa first before he goes into the bathroom, examining his face in the mirror. He looks a right mess and he has no idea how he’s going to explain this to Vic and Andy when he gets home not to mention anyone else he passes by. He’s not angry with Aaron though and he’d take a punch any day if it meant keeping Aaron safe and alive. A shudder passes through him at the mere thought of how close he came to losing him tonight. He’s not even sure he can process it. 

Turning the tap on, he runs his hands under the warm water, watching the blood run off of them in red rivulets down the drain of the sink. When they’re clean, he cups them together and splashes water across his face, scrubbing at the dried blood to get it off. He needs a shower really, but this will do for now. When he looks somewhat human again, he goes upstairs and grabs another t-shirt and hoodie from Aaron’s room and heads back down, hesitant to leave him for too long even if he did need a minute. He wishes he’d never promised not to say anything because he doesn’t know how he’s going to keep his mouth shut about this, but he has to now or he’s not sure what Aaron will do. After tonight, he worries what he’s capable of when pushed to his limits. 

Back in the front room, he finds Aaron curled up at one end of the sofa, Clyde having joined him, cuddled under Aaron’s arm. He’s never been more happy he has that dog. Grabbing a blanket, he drapes it over him, startling him a bit as he tucks it in around him and then turns the film back on, starting it from the beginning again. He can’t say he watches much of the movie this time either, watching Aaron more instead. He looks thoroughly worn out and Robert aches for him, for what he’s been through. All he wants is to protect him from any more pain. 

It’s not long before Aaron nods off, face smushed into Clyde’s fur. Robert turns the tv off and leans into his own corner of the sofa hoping sleep will come soon just to put an end to this day, a day that started out so promising. As he closes his eyes, he can’t help but smile that Aaron said he was perfect, even after all that. He thinks Aaron was pretty perfect too and he wishes that was all that was on his mind. He just hopes that they can get back to that someday, but for now, he just wants to be there for him if he can.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron both try and cope with their new reality after Aaron told Robert about Gordon. Robert comes up with a plan to give them time to wrap their heads around everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit shorter because it was meant to include the trip but it's just getting so long and I'm still not done writing it, so I thought I'd give you this bit to tide you over. Enjoy!

April 2010

The kettle whistles and Robert goes to pull it off the stove immediately, the high pitched sound grating on him, the pain behind his eyes pulsating. He pours himself a cup of coffee, strong and black. He needs it. There's a thunder of footsteps on the stairs and then Victoria's bursting into the kitchen, throwing her school bag on the table and rushing around him to get a bite to eat before she runs off to school. He winces at all the noise, feels like he's hungover even though he's not. 

“Well yer face is clearing up,” Vic says as she reaches around him to shove a piece of bread in the toaster. 

“You make it sound like it was some kind of breakout,” Robert grumbles. 

“Might have made more sense if it had been.” Oh good Andy’s joined them as well, already in his overalls. 

“I'm hardly a teenager,” Robert tells him, and besides, he takes care of his skin. 

“Still getting into scraps like one though. And you clearly never learned to hold your own,” Andy laughs. 

He's been giving him grief for over a week now and Robert is sick of it because if he knew the truth-no, he stupidly promised Aaron he wouldn't say anything and he intends to hold to that. Doesn't stop him worrying though, all the time. Aaron's right though, his dad’s not actually around anymore, he's safe now, he'll keep him safe. If that man ever showed up here though, it would be a different story and he'd make sure he did hold his own. 

“Well,” Vic says as she grabs her toast from the toaster, “I'm off but good luck to yous both today!”

She snatches up her bag, knocking the paper off the table in a flutter of pages and runs out, the door slamming behind her. He glances over at Andy who looks confused for a second and he sighs. “The rep from the supermarket is coming to look at the farm today, remember?”

“Right, I still don't see why our deal with-”

“That family, with all that Maise and Ryan business and whatever else they have going on, are a hare trigger pull away from imploding. You'll be thanking me one of these days.” 

Robert swears he's never going to give him an inch on this. Has it in his head he's just after more money and yeah, he is, but only because he wants to help, to see this place thrive instead of just get by. Okay, maybe it’s also to do with wanting to feel like he’s a success after he left a potentially promising position in London. Still, he hopes his dad would be proud of him and then he hates himself just a bit for still caring. 

“Well I'll be out doing some actual work,” Andy tells him, picking up the paper off the floor. “Join me once you've drank that coffee. You look like you haven't slept for days, Rob.”

He nods as Andy heads out. That's because he hasn't slept. Every time he nods off, he just sees Aaron stood there at the edge of that quarry staring down into the depths below. He wakes up in a cold sweat, arms reaching out for him. Then, when he can't get back to sleep, he spends the rest of the night on his laptop, researching, trying to figure out how to help. 

Downing the coffee in three quick gulps, he pours himself another cup and pulls out his phone, calling Aaron. He's taken to calling now instead of texting most times because he likes the instant gratification of it, likes hearing how his voice sounds. It's easier to read him that way if he can't be there in person, than a text. 

“What?” Aaron answers, ever the charming conversationalist. 

“Morning,” Robert yawns down the line. “Just wake up?”

“Yeah, thanks to you,” he grumbles. “Doesn't matter, gotta get to work anyway. If I'm late, Cain’ll have me head.” 

“Right, well, I'll let you go then,” Robert says and takes a sip of his second cup of coffee. “I'll call you later.”

“Yeah, I'm sure you will,” comes the reply and then Aaron hangs up on him. 

Robert knows he's starting to get annoyed with him, but better that than the alternative. He's about to pocket his phone again when it buzzes with a text. Opening it up, he sees it's from Aaron, wishing him luck with the rep today and he smiles. It amazes him every time Aaron bothers to remember things like that, especially after all that has happened. 

\---

“I'm at work,” Aaron mumbles into his mobile as he shifts it between his shoulder and his ear. “Uhh staring at Katie’s engine if you must know.” He smirks at Robert’s obvious gulp at that bit of news which draws a look from Katie and Cain both.

“You gonna be chatting all day there sunshine or are you actually gonna do the work I pay you to do?” Cain glares at him, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Right, I'm fine Robert. Bye,” Aaron says as he lets the phone slip from his ear into his hand, shoving it into the pocket of his overalls. 

“You two have sorted out your little tiff then?” Cain asks, mocking tone dripping with sarcasm. 

“Don't know what you're on about,” Aaron plays dumb. 

He’s been doing it all week, even though he feels bloody awful about the whole thing. Every reminder of it just makes him feel worse too. Though he jokes to himself now and then that he might punch him again if it would get him to shut up and leave him alone for five seconds. As it is, he calls him at least three times a day, once in the morning, once in the afternoon and once at night. He texts him too, like he's afraid that if he leaves him alone for a second that he’ll end up on the edge of that quarry again. When he really thinks about it, he's not sure if he would have actually jumped or not but he's glad he didn't. He told Robert the worst thing and he didn't leave. Even if he is driving him nuts right now, it means everything. 

“Oh come on Aaron, everyone's seen Robert's face,” Katie says. 

“Yeah and your knuckles. Was a nice punch though,” Cain praises him and he wishes he wouldn't. He's hardly proud of himself, hurting the one person who seems to actually care about him. 

“Yeah it was,” Katie laughs. “Did me a favor!”

Aaron's not sure what Robert ever saw in her but at least he seems well over her now. He just fixes both of them with a glare, willing them to both shut up about it. If they knew the truth, they wouldn't be joking around, not that they ever will. He was serious when he swore Robert to secrecy and he means to make sure the pact sticks. 

“You did worry your mum though,” Katie tells him. 

“Oh she told you that did she?” Aaron sneers. 

His mum’s only taken an interest because Robert was still hanging around the next day when Paddy came home. He took one look at the two of them and made up his mind about what he thought had happened, mainly that Robert had done something horrible to provoke him even if that didn't excuse Aaron's actions because that's not the way to handle things. Robert had left then even though Aaron didn't want him to and then he'd stormed straight up to his room to avoid the inevitable chat that was sure to come. Paddy had it through his bedroom door anyway, going on about how it's time he grew up a little and how he can't solve all his problems with his fists. He'd gone to his mum afterwards and apparently advised her to start taking more of an interest and now she won't leave him alone. 

“She-uh- she did ask me to tell you she wants you to come round to hers for your tea later,” Cain lets slip, lazily, scratching at his eyebrow, like he can't believe he got roped into this. 

“Oh and she's got you playing messenger and all? To Carl’s place you mean. No chance!” Aaron scoffs. 

“Aaron, she does care,” Katie tries but Aaron's having none of it. 

“How about you both stop your bleating and I just fix your car Katie,” he snaps at them. 

“Touchy!” Katie exclaims. “Right, that's me off then.”

Aaron watches her go, meeting up with Chas outside the cafe, his mum peering around her to get a look at him. He shakes his head, shoving it back under the bonnet. The engine stares up at him but he's having trouble focusing now. Of course she would only decide to pay attention to him because Paddy told her to. She can't even bother to be worried of her own accord. Finally telling Robert everything, it's just brought it all back up and now he hates her more than anything, for leaving him there, for not seeing it. 

“Don't forget to change the tires on Bob’s van after,” Cain tells him, pulling off his gloves and tying his overalls around his waist. 

“Yeah and where are you going?” He asks. 

“To the pub for me dinner break,” Cain says and stalks off. 

Aaron groans, waits till his uncle is inside the Woolie and then kicks at Katie's tires hard. He hates the lot of them, pecking at his head all the time. Sometimes he wishes they would all just leave him alone. Fishing his mobile back out of his pocket, he sends Robert a text: ‘Meet me at mine later after your meeting?’

He gets a response almost immediately: ‘Of course. See you then.’

Robert may be driving him slowly mad but he's still the only person he actually wants to spend any time with. He's just glad he still has him at all, even though he is treating him like he's made of glass and will break any second these days. For the first couple of days it didn't bother him, the distance was good, helped him figure out what he wanted. It's still there in his head, that thought that what his dad did, made him like this, made him gay - he's trying to get used to the word in his head even if he hasn't properly said it out loud yet - but he's starting to be able to believe otherwise. 

He still wants to be with Robert, if he’ll have him. Lately, he's been swerving every attempt he's made to start anything though. When he thinks about that night though, if he blocks out everything that came after, the memory of him and Robert together is still a good one and he does want to try again. He doesn't want to let his dad win. It dawns on him that this is the first time he's ever thought that him being who he is is not letting his dad win and not the other way around. It feels like progress. Now if only he could make some progress on this flipping engine. 

\---

There's a knock at the door and Aaron feels his stomach flutter with anticipation as he goes to answer it. The cottage is blessedly quiet, Paddy in the surgery, hands buried in an emergency procedure on a cocker spaniel, he'd checked. Opening the door, he finds Robert there, hands in his pockets to contain his nervous energy, swaying back and forth. He looks like he’s trying to suppress a grin now that the door’s open, like he feels the need to be somber around him or something. That’s driving him crazy too. 

“Meeting go well, did it?” Aaron asks, as he gestures for him to come in. 

Robert’s brow crinkles and his nose twitches as he scrunches up his face in confusion. “How did you-”

“Written all over your face mate,” Aaron grins at him, trying to lighten the mood. It feels like Robert doesn’t know how to act around him anymore. There’s moments when it’s like it was before but it seems like his new status quo is to make everything serious as if to show that he understands the gravity of what Aaron’s been through. Aaron hates that. 

Sighing, Robert gives in a little bit, cracks that famous smug smirk of his like he’s congratulating himself on a job well done. “Yeah, it went really well, actually. He’s drawing up the contracts to bring round next week!” 

“See and I want you to tell me things like that,” Aaron blurts out. He didn’t mean to get to this right away. 

“Huh?” Robert deflates instantly, like he knows he’s done something wrong and he’s already trying to figure out a way to fix it. 

“I’m just saying that I’m proud of ya, you muppet,” Aaron shakes his head. “I just want you to be able to tell me that kind of stuff, instead of feeling like good news will spoil the ‘now I know what happened to you and can’t ever be happy again’ vibe you’ve had going on the past week.” 

Robert pales a bit. “I-I don’t-I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Aaron tells him, sighs, and grabs his hand, tugging him through to the front room. They settle on the sofa and Aaron sits too close even though Robert’s trying to shuffle back, but the arm of the sofa stops him from going too far. “I just want things to go back to how they were before.” 

Aaron leans in, presses his lips against Robert’s before he can say anything, revels in the feeling again until Robert’s pulling his head back. His eyes widen in shock as he stares at Aaron, as though that was the last thing he expected him to do. It’s probably the fifth time he’s tried to kiss him in the past few days and this is the furthest he’s gotten but it’s not enough. He groans and slumps back against the cushions, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

“Aaron,” Robert says, seems unsure where he’s going with it. “I just-”

“You just don’t see me like that anymore,” Aaron fills in the blanks for him, feels tears pricking at his eyes but he sniffs them away. He’s not going to cry right now. 

“What are you-”

“I told you what he did to me and now you’re disgusted by it and don’t want me anymore,” Aaron explains the obvious. 

“No,” Robert tells him. “God, no. Aaron, a week ago you were-”

“A week ago I was normal and now I’m not,” Aaron snaps at him and the tears come whether he wants them to or not. He turns away, doesn’t want Robert to see. 

“Hey,” Robert uses his soft voice. He feels his hand on his shoulder, drawing him backward, forcing him to turn around again. The way Robert’s looking at him makes him want to scream, tear his skin off. He hates every second of it. 

“Stop! Just-just stop!” He shouts at him. 

“What?” Robert looks taken aback, eyes going wide again, hands coming up like he’s trying to surrender to whatever offense he’s committed. 

“You don’t get it!” Aaron cries. This isn’t how he wanted to do this but it’s happening. “You treat me like I’m going to break any second, like I’m some kind of pathetic victim. I know what happened last week, I know I scared the hell out of you. I scared the hell out of myself too. And I’m glad you found me, that I didn’t go through with it okay. I am. And I know-I know what I told you too and I know it’s made you see me differently now. It’s just-I-I just want to forget about it and I can’t if you keep looking at me like that, wrapping me in cotton wool. I just want you to kiss–”

Robert’s lips are on his before he can get out anymore, soft and pliant against his own. His hands cup Aaron’s face, make him feel safe like they used to. He swipes his tongue along Robert’s bottom lip, hoping that he’ll continue to go with this. Relenting, Robert parts his lips, lets Aaron’s tongue slip inside. He tastes like coffee and Aaron’s missed it. For a moment, Aaron goes to pull himself toward him, using his hips as leverage. He just wants to be close to him again, pretend like nothing has happened. The moment is lost almost as soon as it starts though as he hears the handle of the door turning, his mother’s whine through to the surgery, getting closer. Robert hears too and they’re both shoving each other off, trying to catch their breath. 

“Here he is,” Paddy announces when they come into the room and then, “Oh...Robert.” 

“What are you doing here?” his mum sneers at him, hands on her hips, like she has any authority. 

“Leaving,” Aaron tells her and Robert looks almost hurt for a second. “With me. We have plans.” he gets up, grabbing his coat from where he threw it earlier and Robert follows, as eager to get out of there as he is. 

“You have plans with me tonight,” Chas protests. “Or did-I told Cain to tell you.”

“Cause you couldn’t be bothered to tell me yourself,” Aaron snaps at her. 

“Only cause you won’t even let me speak half the time. This is the longest–” she stops herself and seems to take stock of the situation. “Oh love, I’m just worried about you.” 

“Yeah, well, it’s too late for that. Come on, Robert.” Aaron pulls the door open and hurries out, Robert on his heels. He doesn’t even bother looking back, just heads toward the pub. He might be hungry, but there’s no way he wants to eat with his mum and Carl King. That’d just put him off his tea all together. 

\---

“Oh how’d your meeting go?” Diane asks as she pulls a second pint for him. 

He’s a bit dazed after what happened with Aaron, but he’s still able to perk up at the mention of his latest success. “It went great!” He beams. “He’s drawing up the contracts as we speak.”

“I’m pleased for you pet, and do you know, your dad would be too,” she smiles at him, handing over the glass. 

Well at least he’d be proud of him for one thing, Robert thinks. The rest he’s not so sure about. “Thanks Diane,” he says politely anyway. “Oh and can you put in an order for two cheeseburgers for us too?”

“Of course, pet,” Diane replies and disappears into the kitchen to tell Marlon. 

Aaron barely registers him when he sits down in their booth, sliding his drink across the table. He’s too busy staring at Chas and Paddy who seem to have followed them there. They’re keeping their distance, sitting on the other side of the pub but they’re watching them and Chas is giving him evils. He has half a mind to give her some back considering who she left her son with all those years ago. 

“Aaron,” he tries to get his attention, nudging his glass a little closer till it’s touching his arm. The physical contact makes him look up finally. “About before–”

“Yeah, sorry,” Aaron apologizes. 

“Don’t be,” he assures him. “I just want you to know, well, I don’t think you’re some pathetic victim, okay. You’re the strongest person I know.” 

Aaron scoffs at that, like it’s ridiculous. 

“I’m serious, Aaron. And I know you don’t want to talk about it, but to go through all that and–well you are okay. And I do still want ya, if that kiss didn’t make it clear. I just-I don’t want to mess anything up.” 

“That seems pretty impossible for us,” Aaron jokes and Robert finds himself laughing, because he’s not wrong. 

“Yeah, well, you may be right on that, but I just didn’t know where your head was at and I didn’t want to push it,” he tries again to explain. He hates that Aaron even thought for a second that what he told him could make him turn away from him. 

“And maybe I should have just talked to you about it instead of screaming it at you,” Aaron concedes. “Though it’s not like we’ll ever have any privacy with them two spying on us all the time.” Aaron jerks his thumb over his shoulder at Chas and Paddy and they quickly look away, down at their drinks like they’ve not been watching them this whole time. 

“There is that,” Robert groans. “And I-well-there’s my place but-”

“Andy,” Aaron finishes for him. 

Robert nods. They haven’t tried anything up there since that day in the barn and he knows Aaron doesn’t suggest it for his benefit. He’s grateful for that, more than he can say. It’s getting harder and harder though, to find time alone, without the constant threat of prying eyes. He wishes he could just not care, just kiss Aaron in a booth in the pub and have done with it but the mere thought still paralyzes him with fear. 

“I suppose that...well...that we should–” he cuts off his own rambling, trying to figure out what he wants to say. He doesn’t want to say anything, really, because he doesn’t actually want anyone to know so they can’t judge him for it. He’s finally a success with this supermarket deal, once those contracts are signed anyway, and he doesn’t want to go right back to being the disappointment. He’s sure they all expect him to settle down with a wife someday and have a couple of kids like everyone else in this village does. He might have done so too, if he hadn’t met Aaron. Now he can’t turn off the way he feels. “I know we’re still wrapping our own heads around it all but...it would be easier if people knew.” He cringes just saying the words, as if even that admission is enough to put it out there in the universe. 

Aaron looks stunned, eyes wide for a moment and then he’s biting at his lip like he does when he’s nervous and picking at his fingernails. “Are you-I don’t-I don’t think I’m–”

“Ready?” Robert helps him out. “Me neither, but…”

“It would be easier,” Aaron relents even though he looks physically ill at the thought. He glances over at Chas and Paddy and Robert can practically feel the fear radiating off of him. When Cain walks in, scowl on his face, Aaron goes white altogether and Robert’s half afraid he’s going to pass out. No, neither of them are ready for everyone here to know. 

“I’m not saying we stand up and announce it to the whole pub right now,” Robert tries to calm him down. Aaron settles a bit, turning back to focus on him. “Maybe we could-maybe we should go somewhere else.”

“Our food’s not even come out yet?” Aaron narrows his eyes at him. 

“No, I didn’t mean now. Don’t worry, I don’t mean to deprive you of your burger,” Robert laughs. 

“Well good,” Aaron says. “What did you mean then?” 

“We could go away somewhere, this weekend if you’d like. Could go to London. Yeah, I could show you around, where I used to live and all that...if you’re interested,” Robert tells him, working through the idea in his head. 

“Yeah, alright,” Aaron nods. “But what’s that got to do with-”

“We could call it a practice run. No one really knows us in London. It’s a big city. We could have a go at being, I don’t know, normal. See what it’s like to be–”

“Out?” Aaron says the word and they both grimace at it. 

“Yeah, I guess. Is that a horrible idea?” He’s suddenly feeling self conscious about it. 

“No,” Aaron eases his concerns. “No you’re right, we need to, I don’t know, see what it’s like. And there’d be a hotel room…”

 

Robert grins, forgets everything that’s happened for a moment. “Yeah there’d be that. But only if you’re ready, you know after-”

“I know, Robert. I just want to get on with stuff though,” Aaron pleads with him. “So...what do we tell people? Why we’re going and all?” 

“Call it a lads weekend,” Robert suggests. 

“Lads weekend?” Adam says as he slides into the booth next to Aaron, coke in hand. “Nice one boys. Where we going?” He’s the last person Robert wants to see right now. 

“Can I come?” Victoria asks as she sits down next to him, squeezing Aaron further into the booth. Perfect, his little sister too. This is exactly why they need to get away. 

Holly sits down beside Robert, wine in hand. He catches Aaron’s glare across the table and scoots over just a bit. “Like they’d want either of you two tagging along when you won’t even be able to get into any bars or clubs. Me on the other hand.” 

“Uhh,” Aaron starts, trying to figure out a way to get them out of this. 

“Actually,” Robert cuts in, spinning a lie. “We’ve kind of been planning it a while so, there’s not really time to change things last minute. Sorry.” 

“First I’ve heard of it,” Vic says, ruining things as usual. It’s not like he’d ever consider letting her come regardless. Or any of them for that matter. Right now, he just wants to send the lot of them back to wherever they came from. 

“Ah, course, mate,” Adam seems to understand though. “You two have sorted things out then, have you?” 

Robert doesn’t even know what to say to that and apparently neither does Aaron considering his “What are you on about?” 

“I just meant after–”

“After you punched him,” Vic says, tactful as ever. “Honestly, are yous two ever not fighting about something? Don’t even know how you’re still friends.” 

“Vic I-” Aaron tries but Robert can tell he’s at a loss for words. They never outright came out and said what happened between them. Well, obviously not, but not the shortened version either. People knew anyway though. It’s not like it was hard to figure out. 

“Here you are,” Marlon announces as he suddenly appears in his chef whites, towering over the table in all his gangly limbed glory. Robert’s never been happier to see him. “Cheeseburger,” he says, as he sets down one in front of Aaron. “And, oh wait, another cheeseburger,” he adds as he sets the other plate down in front of Robert. “You two do know there are other things on the menu right? There’s a very nice quiche–”

“Thanks Marlon,” Aaron cuts him off before he can properly get going on one of his food rants. Robert thinks he’ll probably always order a cheeseburger for the rest of his life just to watch his eyes bulge out of his head every time he says the word. 

“I’m just saying, that maybe if you refined your palates a bit- oh forget it. What about the rest of you?” Marlon asks and Robert desperately hopes they have other places to be. 

“Nothing for us, thanks,” Adam says politely. “Mum’s cooking, you know how it is.” 

“Oh I see,” Marlon grumbles and stalks away, rambling about everything Moira Barton has done wrong since she started working at the pub. 

“Works every time,” Holly laughs, finishing off her wine. “I’ll see you later, Robert.” She gives him a wink as she gets up and Robert fights not to roll his eyes. She doesn’t stand a chance, not next to Aaron. 

Vic gets out to let them leave but as soon as they’re gone she tries to sit back down. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” Robert asks. 

“Need to eat too don’t I?” she pouts. 

“Yeah, well, eat at the bar. I’m sure Diane wants to hear all about your day,” Robert smiles at her, sickly sweet with sarcasm. 

“Charming,” she shoots back. “And here I was, just going to offer you my congratulations on landing that contract and what do I get? To eat at the bar!” 

“Cheers Vic!” Robert smirks at her, raising his glass. She gets up and gives him a bit of a death stare, so he relents a bit. “Thank you though. I mean it.” 

“Whatever,” she sighs and heads off toward the bar. 

“Well,” Robert slumps back in his seat. “I think that’s the last of them.” 

“So London?” Aaron laughs. 

“Definitely,” Robert agrees. It’s what they both need. “I’ll book something tonight. We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron go to London for the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember how I cut the trip out of the last chapter because it was getting too long. Well...somehow this chapter ended up at just over 12k anyway. But people always say they like long chapters right?! Well, I hope you enjoy it.

April 2010

His phone buzzing on his bedside table wakes him up. He’d only had one brief nightmare and Aaron considers that a quality night’s sleep these days. Telling Robert everything seemed to have brought them back in full force the past week, but they seem to be getting a bit better. Maybe it’s the thought of a weekend away with Robert that’s calmed him down a bit. Still, he groans at his ‘good morning’ text that served as his alarm clock. At least he only texted, rather than called. ‘I’m awake, you muppet’ he types out with about a million typos he’s too tired to care about fixing and sends it off. 

Rolling out of bed, he heads to grab a quick shower. He’s already packed last night, which is surprising for him but he can’t help but be a bit excited about the trip, even if the thought of actually trying to be ‘out’ scares him half to death. He tries to remind himself that it’s only strangers, that it’s just about him and Robert and not having to sneak around and hide. Still, it makes him itch a bit. He’s trying so hard to believe everything Robert told him that night, to block his dad’s voice from infecting his thoughts. Robert calling him the strongest person he knows feels like a joke most days but he wants to believe that too. None of that stops him from turning the water on hot enough to scald the way he usually does after a nightmare though. 

By the time he’s gotten out, he’s got another message from Robert, telling him he’s leaving soon and that he’ll text again when he’s outside. ‘Thanks for the play by play’ he texts back, slightly more coherent this time. ‘You gonna narrate the whole weekend too?’ he adds. Yawning, he sends one more, ‘Did we really need to leave this early?’. He sighs, shoves his phone in his hoodie pocket and grabs his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. Halfway down the stairs, he hears her voice and he wants to run out the door, wishes Robert were already here. 

“Hiya love,” she practically shrieks when he pokes his head into the kitchen. She and Paddy are both sitting at the table like they’ve been waiting for him to come down for ages, which is ridiculous considering the time. He’s not sure his mum has ever gotten up this early. 

“Why are you here?” he grumbles, pushing past her chair to make himself some toast. “Mate! Is that the last slice?” He points at the piece of toast on the plate sort of in front of Paddy. 

“It’s for you actually,” Paddy tells him.

“Oh,” he says, knowing that toast comes with strings attached. 

“Sit down love,” his mum says, gesturing toward the empty chair, the toast. 

Aaron gets out his mobile, willing Robert to text him now but his phone is stubbornly silent. Cautiously, he sits down, thinks if he eats the toast really fast, they’ll lose their window of opportunity. Paddy passes him the butter, pressing his lips together in a determined line. The sound of the knife scraping against toasted bread, cuts through the tension of the room. It’s so cliched it’s killing him. 

“What?” he asks or they’ll never get this started and the sooner they start, the sooner he can leave. 

“We’re just worried about you, love,” his mum tells him, folding her hands on the table to try and keep them still. 

“Makes for a change,” Aaron mutters, biting off a large chunk of bread. 

“Aaron,” Paddy warns him. 

“Paddy says you’re going away for the weekend,” she continues. “With Robert.” 

“And there it is,” Aaron rolls his eyes, takes another big bite of his toast. Two more bites and he’ll have made it disappear, hopefully along with this conversation. 

“Well do you really think that’s such a good idea, after what happened?” Her voice keeps getting higher pitched and it’s grating on him this early. 

“You don’t even know what happened. And you wouldn’t have even cared if Paddy hadn’t run and told you first thing,” Aaron argues. 

“That’s not true,” Chas pleads with him. 

“You told me you were done with me when you moved in with Carl and that’s just fine with me. I’m going, end of,” Aaron tells her straight. 

“No, only after you cut Carl’s breaks. And whose brilliant idea was that now?” Chas snaps back. 

Aaron just wants to scream at her, tell her that Robert’s the only reason he’s still sitting here in this room, that he’s even remotely okay with who he is. She just doesn’t get it and she never will because it’s not like he can tell her, not any of it. Mercifully, his phone finally buzzes in his hand, Robert’s outside. He shoves the last of his toast in his mouth and stands up, grabbing his bag again. 

“No, love, where are you going?” she cries. 

“Where do ya think? Aaron throws up his hands, exasperated by the intervention. “I’ll see you on Monday, Paddy.” He refuses to even say goodbye to his mum, just gives her a glare and heads out the door. He can already hear them coming after him, but nothing is stopping this weekend from happening. A break from all this is exactly what he needs. 

\---

Robert scrolls through the slew of grumpy messages from Aaron, grumbling about the early start. He wants to make the most of the weekend though if they can. Taking a sip of his Americano, he leans back in his seat to wait. He actually got almost a full night’s sleep last night, no quarry filled nightmares to keep him up for once, just anticipation for the weekend that drove him out of bed early. Andy was up already, of course, and gave him stick for waking up earlier to go on a lads weekend than he does to do work on the farm. He did his best to ignore him, determined not to let anyone spoil this. Andy hadn’t been best pleased when he told him he was going though and he had to promise to work twice as hard when he got back. 

He doesn’t have to wait long before Aaron comes out of the house, sloping down the drive towards his car, hood on his hoodie up over his head, shading his eyes like he’s not ready for sunlight yet. Robert laughs at the sight but it fills him with warmth too until he sees Paddy and Chas trailing out after him. The older man has a right face on him, looking like he’s trying to stop him from going and Chas seems to already be shooting him daggers through his car window. There’s no way he’s letting them get in the middle of this though, so Robert sets his coffee down and gets out of the car. 

“Aaron just wait a minute, hear us out!” Paddy is pleading with him. Aaron pointedly ignores him and tosses Robert his rucksack to put in the boot. “What about-what about work?” It sounds like a last ditch effort. 

“Cleared it with Cain last night,” Aaron tells him. “Nice try.” He gets in the car and shuts the door on both of them, scowl drawing the corners of his mouth down. This wasn’t how Robert wanted to start the weekend off. 

“Oi!” Paddy calls out to Robert before he can get back in the car and get them away from here. “I don’t trust you.” 

“You’re no good for him,” Chas adds in. 

“Do I look like I care what either of you think?” Robert snaps at them, already fed up with their meddling. From the moment they became friends, everyone has been on at them. He doesn’t know why they can’t all just leave them be. 

“If you do anything to hurt him, well…” Paddy mulls over his half threat before he continues, “...I won’t-this time I won’t give him a lecture for punching you.” 

Robert scoffs. “Yeah you would. And we told you, it was just a misunderstanding. It’s sorted now. You don’t have to worry.” 

“I’ve got my eye on you, Sugden,” Chas tells him, channeling her brother, but she doesn’t scare him. She’s done worse to Aaron than he ever could. 

“Noted,” Robert smirks at her, trying to rile her, and gets in the car. 

Aaron’s leaning his head against the window, glaring at them through the glass like he’s willing them to disappear. When Robert gets in though, he turns toward him and gives him a soft smile, too tired to be self conscious about it. Robert looks forward to waking up to that in the hotel tomorrow. 

“One of those for me?” Aaron asks, pointing at the two coffees. 

“Yeah,” he replies, handing him his latte. “Ready for this?”

“Ready to get away from that,” he sighs and points at Paddy and Chas through the window. They’re still standing there staring at the pair of them like it’s actually going to accomplish anything. 

“Let’s go then,” Robert grins and starts the car, leaving them behind. 

\---

It’s the first warm day in April and Robert puts the top down on the car when they get out of the village, watches Aaron put his arm on the side and lean back in the breeze, his hood flying back and flapping behind him. He’s pleased to see him looking more relaxed now that they’ve gotten free of everything. His hair is getting a bit longer too Robert notes; he’s usually buzzed it all off again by this length. He smiles to himself that Aaron would actually listen to him about his appearance like that, though he did manage to get him to stop wearing those awful caps back when they were only just starting to be friends so maybe he has more power than he thinks. Now, if only he could get rid of the hoodies next. He doesn’t think he will though, not that he doesn’t like seeing Aaron put in a little extra effort, but he likes seeing him all comfy and cozy in his hoodies too. 

The drive is fairly easy, not too much traffic early in the morning, only hitting one rough patch about halfway in. They manage to find a decent place to get a couple bacon butties for breakfast. Robert hadn’t eaten and Aaron’s always hungry, says he didn’t get to enjoy his first. He has to try not to cringe too much watching Aaron inhale his, as he worries about him getting sauce on his car. Of course Aaron notices and has to hold the practically dripping sandwich out over his precious leather interior for a second before he demolishes the rest of it. 

“You’re hilarious,” Robert laughs it off even though he’s legitimately worried for a second. 

“So are you,” Aaron points out with a chuckle. “And you have shit taste in music. Honestly mate, what are we listening to?”

His music tastes remain the topic of conversation for much of the rest of the drive as Aaron scrolls through all of the songs on his phone looking for ‘something decent’ as he puts it. He laughs at the few Cher songs he has tucked away in there but it’s his Taylor Swift collection that has him laughing the hardest. 

“Tell me you know all the words to this too,” Aaron mocks as he puts on ‘Love Story’.

Robert shakes his head no firmly, but Aaron lets the song play long enough that he involuntarily sings along to a line, “...Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone, I’ll be waiting…”

Aaron snorts, the biggest grin on his face, and Robert clams up immediately. “How did I not know this about you?”

“Shut up!” Robert shouts but there’s no heat in it. He loves seeing Aaron smile, even if it is at his expense, especially these days. He’s trying hard on this trip to keep things as normal as possible after his outburst yesterday. He gets it though; he wouldn’t want to be treated like he’s about to break all the time either. 

“Oh don’t let me stop you. Keep going,” Aaron mockingly encourages him. 

“Not a chance,” Robert tells him, willing his fingers to stop tapping along to the extremely catchy beat on the steering wheel. He reaches for his phone instead. “Give me that!” 

They finally settle on a bit of classic rock, Aaron relenting that having the Rolling Stones on his phone at least redeems some of his cool points. Robert thinks he’ll have to have a look through Aaron’s ipod later to return the favor. He’s glad they’re doing this, getting away together, thinks it will be good for them both in the end. Aaron wasn’t wrong last week when he called him out for being ashamed to be who he is. It’s something they both need to work on. 

\---

Four and a half hours later, they’re driving into the city and Aaron’s got his eyes glued to the sights of London around them. He remembers what he was like when he first got here, everything so different from their tiny village up north. He’d been a mess of course, Max’s death fresh in his mind, his dad’s angry words playing on a loop in his head. Still, London had seemed full of possibilities and it seems the same now for entirely different reasons. It’s strange having Aaron here in the place he called home for a few years but it’s good too, to be able to share this part of himself with him. 

They pull up to their hotel and it’s not the posh hotels he dreamt of staying in when he lived here, trying to work his way up in Lawrence’s company, but it’s still nice enough. The king size bed in the room is certainly preferable to Aaron’s tiny single, not that he’s focusing on that. Aaron seems suitably impressed, even though they argue about the money. He wants to pay his half but Robert tells him he can just pay for stuff while they’re here and then they’ll be even. He gives in but Robert can tell he’s still bothered about it a bit. 

“So where to, tour guide?” Aaron asks after they’ve dropped their bags off.

“Dunno,” Robert says. He didn’t exactly have much of a plan, wants to just play things by ear, see where it goes. “Want to see where I used to live?”

“Why not,” Aaron shrugs, interested in that completely disinterested way that’s his trademark. 

Robert takes him by both of his old flats, the first one much more run down than the second. Aaron seems surprised, says he imagined him living somewhere more posh, considering how much he complains about the farm. He still remembers how proud of himself he was when he finally had enough money to move, how much he enjoyed setting up the new place. It never really felt like home, but it was his and he had earned himself. That made it feel special at least, even if it was a bit lonely. 

He takes him by his old office next and they stand on the street looking up at it, all eleven stories. Lawrence’s offices are on the fifth floor. It feels surreal standing here now, knowing he’s not a part of it anymore, but remembering the hustle of it all, how everything moved faster and every little thing seemed important. The streets around him are busy even now, everyone rushing around to get where they’re going. Life in Emmerdale moves at a slower pace and he wonders if maybe he’s finally gotten used to it again when at first, it made him a bit stir crazy. He wonders what he’d be doing right now if he’d stayed, if he’d be on the sales team, sucking up to Lawrence more than he already had been, trying to get that next promotion. 

“Do you miss it?” Aaron asks him. 

“Yeah a bit,” Robert admits, considering it. “I was never interested in the farm. Though leave it to me to end up working for a place that sells agricultural machinery.” He laughs at the absurdity of it. 

“Did you think it would- that it would make your dad…” Aaron trails off like he doesn’t want to finish the thought. 

“Did I think it would make him proud of me? I hoped so I guess. It wasn’t what he wanted me to do but it was the next best thing. Maybe. At least growing up on a farm gave me a bit of an in here, I knew the lingo anyway.”

“I think he would be,” Aaron tells him, stifling a yawn. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I boring you?” Robert teases him. 

“Nah, you just got me up too early,” Aaron yawns again. 

Robert laughs, slings his arm over Aaron’s shoulder without even thinking about it, pulling him into a half embrace. They both freeze for a second before pulling apart, looking embarrassed, checking around to see if anyone saw. It’s second nature to them at this point but it’s the exact opposite of why they came here. 

“I guess we’re not doing so well at this, are we?” Aaron sighs and Robert hates how defeated he looks about it. 

“No, guess not,” Robert reluctantly agrees. He pauses for a moment, and then comes up with an idea of where they can go next. “Hey, there’s a coffee shop I used to go to around here. Something to keep you from falling asleep on me?” 

Aaron nods and follows Robert as he works his way down the familiar street, coming up on the cafe that he used to practically live in. It was where he first learned to drink Americanos and it had the good wifi. A strange feeling of nostalgia washes over him as they walk in, the inviting smell of fresh ground coffee and pastries luring them up to the counter. He sees the table in the corner he used to spend hours at with his laptop, trying to get ahead. It feels like a lifetime ago and not just a year or so ago. 

Aaron orders for them, an Americano for him and a tea for himself, and Robert lets him pay like he promised he would. When they get their drinks, they head out and Robert chances grabbing Aaron’s hand. They have to start somewhere. They’re both awkward about it and Aaron hasn’t quite managed to figure out how to hold hands properly like this, blocking him from lacing their fingers together like normal people. Still, it’s progress. He’s so focused on their hands touching in public though, that he doesn’t notice where he’s going and runs straight into a woman just coming through the door. Miraculously, he manages to keep a hold of both his coffee and Aaron’s hand but he nearly drops them again when he realizes who he’s just run into. 

Aaron gives him a strange look, but all Robert can focus on is Chrissie White standing in front of him, the boss’s daughter, looking gorgeous as usual. He hadn’t spoke much to her when he worked for her father but that didn’t stop him trying. There was a time when he thought, if he could just get her to give him the time of day, to go out with him, to be with him, he could have had it made but he hadn’t been able to stick around long enough to find out. 

“Sor-Sorry,” the word stumbles awkwardly out of his mouth, his heart beating on overdrive, as she leans down to pick up her handbag that had fallen to the floor in the collision. 

“You should watch where you’re going,” she tells him, her tone condescending. Then she looks up at him, catches his eye and he can see a flicker of recognition there he thinks. He’s not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. “Robert? Sugden, right?”

He nods dumbly, can’t seem to manage anything more. 

“You two know each other?” Aaron asks, and despite the grip they still have on each other’s hands, he’d almost forgotten that he was there. 

“Uhh…well-ye-yes…” He’s a mess and he’s embarrassing the hell out of himself and he just wants to bolt before this gets any worse. 

“He used to work for my father,” she explains calmly, professionally almost, though her tone softens ever so slightly. “He always thought you would make something of yourself,” she adds. 

Robert still can’t find the proper words to answer her and he feels like an idiot, like Lawrence White wouldn’t see any potential in him now. It means the world that Chrissie said that he had though. He’d suspected, hope that he’d give him that chance, but some bit of confirmation is nice to have. 

“So what are you doing now?” Chrissie asks, making polite conversation as they move away from the door to let in another customer. 

“My dad died,” he blurts out the explanation, curses himself in his head. “I-uhh-I went home to help out.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Well, family always comes first,” she offers him a small smile. “And are you back in London now?”

“Just for the weekend…” He looks over at Aaron, who looks uncomfortable, familiar scowl on his face. His eyes fall to their hands that are still clasped together and he gulps when he sees that Chrissie’s noticed too.

“Oh,” she says and he can hear the surprise in her voice. He knows she’s remembering the times they did speak to one another, how he flirted with her shamelessly. 

“Chrissie,” he starts, not sure if he’s going to try and deny the glaringly obvious or not, but Aaron drops his hand in preparation. They’re trying to be out here though, trying to see how it feels. Chrissie’s not a stranger, no, but she’s not part of his world back home either and never will be. This feels like one of those ‘now or never’ kinds of situations and he knows he has to do this. “This Aaron, my...uh...my boyfriend.” 

He risks a glance at Aaron, watching him pale at the sound of the word coming out of his mouth. They’ve never used it before but it’s what they are to each other, he’s sure of it. At least he hopes so. He grabs Aaron’s hand again and pulls him a bit closer, watching his eyes widen a bit with shock. 

Chrissie’s phone rings then and she glances down at it. “I’m sorry, I have to take this, but it was nice to see you again Robert. And nice to meet you Aaron,” she says and then swipes her finger across the screen of her phone, puts it to her ear and turns away from them, already moving onto the next thing. 

Robert takes the opportunity to pull Aaron out of the coffee shop, leaving Chrissie and his old life behind. A smile breaks across his face as they spill out onto the pavement. He’d said the word and the world hadn’t ended. When he looks at Aaron though, his smile drops a bit, seeing his face still pale, eyes glazed over a bit. He’s still glad he said it but he just hopes Aaron’s going to be okay with it. 

“Aaron, I-I’m sorry if-was that the wrong thing to say?” Robert babbles. “It’s just we were trying to-”

“No, it’s fine,” Aaron stops him. “I just, give me a second.” He sucks in a few deep breaths and takes a long drink of his tea. 

“Okay now?” Robert asks, trying to gauge his expression. He’s pleased to at least see color coming back into his cheeks. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron huffs, but he still can’t quite meet his eyes. 

“Aaron?” Robert questions, wanting to know where they stand. 

“So, we’ve got our caffeine, where to next?” Aaron swerves the topic entirely. 

“What do you want to see?” Robert gives him the reins a bit, trying to encourage him to open up a little. They’re both rubbish at it at the best of times but Robert’s desperate for some kind of reassurance. He’d imagined Aaron having a different sort of reaction and the reality of it stings just a little. 

“Dunno,” Aaron shrugs. “If you’re done with the memory lane tour then I guess the usual, Buckingham Palace and all that I suppose?”

Robert deflates a bit but he’s just got to go with it for the moment. With everything that’s happened, he doesn’t want to push too hard. A plan starts forming in his mind for later though, even though it terrifies him a bit as well. Taking another sip of his coffee, he wraps his arm around Aaron’s shoulders again, with full intention this time, and drags him along. Okay, so he’s pushing a little, but one of them has to or they’ll be standing still forever. In any case, if Aaron wants him to play the proper tour guide, he’s got plenty of useless facts he can throw his way as he shows him around. 

\---

Aaron’s exhausted when they get back to the hotel after dinner. Robert had dragged them to a busy pub in the West End after showing him around the theater district, not that he particularly cared about it but Robert said they should get at least some culture while they were here. He at least stopped him before he suggested actually seeing a show. They played tourist all afternoon and Aaron’s not sure he’s ever seen so much in a single day before. He flops down on the king sized bed after Robert unlocks the door, content to just lay there the rest of the night but it seems like Robert’s got other plans. Aaron watches him rummage around in his bag and pull out a new shirt, dark blue with some kind of tiny pattern on it. He pulls off his jumper and starts putting it on. 

“New pajamas?” Aaron asks, his head finding the ridiculously soft pillow at the top of the bed. It feels so good, he never wants to move. 

“Thought we’d go out tonight,” Robert says casually. 

“We’ve been out, all day,” Aaron groans. “Where else could you possibly take me. We’ve seen pretty much everything.”

Robert chuckles at him, shaking his head a bit. “Aaron, we barely saw even a quarter of all there is to see in London, and that’s just the touristy stuff. Besides, I saw you enjoying yourself at the Natural History Museum.” 

“Yeah maybe,” Aaron reluctantly admits. 

“Staring at those fossils until I dragged you away,” Robert grins at him. 

“Just reminded me of when I was a kid, that’s all,” Aaron mumbles into the pillow.

That seems to get Robert’s attention. He stops doing up the buttons on his shirt and sits down on the edge of the bed. That soft look is in his eyes and Aaron can’t decide if he hates it right now, or if he likes it. He’s so tired of keeping everything to himself though and now that Robert knows everything else, he finds he wants to talk about things a little more. 

“I found a fossil on the beach when I was a kid. My mum took us. Spent the whole day running up and down the beach looking for treasure,” Aaron reminisces. It really was the perfect day. “Then I spent hours in the library at school the next week, researching, trying to figure out what I’d found.” 

“Proper little science geek you were,” Robert laughs. “What happened?”

“I was seven then,” Aaron says and Robert seems to catch on. “School didn’t much matter to me after that.” 

“Christ, Aaron, I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“No it’s fine. I just, well you know,” Aaron doesn’t even know what to say. “So, where are we going then?” 

“Just a bar I know,” Robert tells him. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

“No, let’s go,” Aaron says, pulling himself up and out of bed. He’d brought his black jumper with him, just in case. The last thing he wants to do is sit around and wallow in old memories. 

\---

The bar turns out to be a gay bar and Aaron just stands there gawping at it from the pavement outside the door. This was the last place he thought Robert would bring him to. He knows they’re supposed to be trying to be out here, to be more comfortable but holding his hand in a coffee shop and letting him put his arm around him on the street, that was enough for him for the moment. This was on a whole other level. He knew there was a gay bar in Hotten too, Bar West. He’d looked it up once and then immediately erased his search history. 

A group of guys spill out the front door, the pulsating beat of the music following them out. Aaron watches the way they are with each other, laughing and joking about just like every other bloke until one leans in and kisses one of the others. He feels his face flush red just at the sight. They smile as they break the kiss and then one tucks the other under his arm and they tag along after the rest. It’s all so painfully normal and Aaron half aches to be a part of it and the other half of him wants to run. 

“Is this okay?” Robert asks him, hovering at his side, just far enough away, like he’s trying to give him space. 

“It’s just...a lot,” Aaron admits. He is trying. 

“You’re telling me. The first time I came here, I was so nervous. I thought everyone would just know what I was the moment I walked in,” Robert says. 

“You’ve been here before?” Aaron asks, looking up at him. He didn’t expect that either. 

“Twice,” Robert tells him. “Came with mates from work. One of them was gay and he convinced a group of us to come along, said it’d be a laugh. I was terrified.”

“And now?”

“And now? Now we said we wanted to give this a shot. Seemed like a good idea in my head, but if you don’t want to,” Robert gives him an out. 

“No, no you’re right,” Aaron concedes and forces himself to walk towards the door. 

Inside, it’s warm, crowded, the music loud. There’s people everywhere and Aaron almost doesn’t know where to look. A crowded bar area runs along the back wall and there’s tables to either side, people dancing in the middle. There’s even an upper level that he cranes his neck to see. It looks down on the center and he can see a ton of people up there too, mostly blokes, a few women. It’s a far cry from the Woolpack, that’s for sure, or any of the pubs he’s been to in Hotten.

Robert’s presence at his side keeps him from just running back through the door, but then all of a sudden he’s gone. He follows him with his eyes as he moves through the crowds toward a table that has freed up. A bit of jealousy blooms in him as he watches him walk with confidence and get there before anyone else has a chance to grab it. Once it’s secured, he looks up and catches his eye, beckoning him over. For a second, he can’t move, just stands there, biting at his lip, trying to make a decision. It’s just a bar, he tells himself. No one he knows is possibly going to see him here and he’s got Robert. 

With a deep breath, he starts pushing his way through toward the table, having to traverse across the dance floor to get there. He’s staring at everyone and he knows it but he can’t seem to help himself. They all just look so annoyingly comfortable with themselves as they move to the music and Aaron feels like he wants to crawl out of his own skin. By the time he reaches Robert, he feels nearly like he can’t breathe, like he’s having some sort of panic attack. Robert sees and is there in a second though.

“Hey,” he tries to get him to look at him. “Aaron what is it?”

He can’t answer, feels like clawing his throat open just to let the air in. There’s black seeping in at the edges of his vision and he staggers a bit into the table, grabbing onto it like an anchor, hoping it will keep him from drifting away. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Robert tells him, shouting into his ear over the music. “It’s gonna be okay, right, just breathe.” 

“Yeah,” Aaron sucks in a deep breath, finally able to get a word out. He’s trying to focus on the pressure of Robert’s hand suddenly on his lower back, watching the rise and fall of his chest. “That’s a good idea, idiot.” 

“Oi!” Robert forces a grin, but it drops quickly, taking in a deep breath himself. “Are you okay? We can go…”

“No, no, I’m alright,” he says, breathing heavily now that he’s finally got air in his lungs again. “We’re here now.” 

“Are you sure? That was probably some kind of panic attack,” Robert says. 

Aaron just nods. He’s had them before, though Robert made it go away quicker than usual. “I really think I’m fine now.” 

“I’m still nervous too you know,” Robert tells him, getting to the heart of the matter. “And I’m the one who could actually run into someone I know here.” 

He’s trying to make it into a joke and he appreciates it, tries to give him a smile. “Did alright with that Chrissie earlier,” Aaron reminds him though. 

“Are you kidding? I was a stuttering mess!” Robert exclaims and maybe Aaron was too confused or panicking too much himself to notice. “Used to fancy her and all.” 

“Really?” Aaron asks, trying to tamp down the sudden bit of jealousy that rises in him. It’s ridiculous, he knows, but he can’t quite help it. At least his breathing is staying in check. 

“Yeah, doesn’t matter now anyway,” Robert says and gives him a look that says it’s because of him. “Should I get us some drinks?”

“I’ll get them,” Aaron tells him, trying to be that ‘strongest person he knows’ that Robert sees in him.. “It’s my shout anyway, remember.” 

“Right, just, Aaron-” He looks scared for him but also like he’s trying to be strong too and not fuss over him like he has been. 

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to breathe,” Robert gives him one of his lopsided smiles. 

“Muppet,” Aaron calls over his shoulder as he pushes his way toward the bar, trying to heed his advice. 

He makes it to the bar, just barely, nearly getting taken out by some idiot drunkenly stumbling towards the bogs, manages to keep breathing too. He glances back through the crowd and sees Robert at the table giving him an encouraging smile. Taking in another deep breath, it feels like maybe he’s starting to calm down a bit, like he can handle this. Maybe it’s not so scary being here. Now if only he could actually get close enough to the bar to put in an order. He’s scanning the length of it, looking for an opening when a guy towards the middle spots him and shifts over a bit, leaving him a enough room to squeeze in. The bloke smiles at him as he leans his elbows on the bar. He’s got dark eyes, light brown skin and close cropped black hair, offset by the white shirt he’s wearing. There’s a moment where they make eye contact and Aaron swallows uneasily as he turns away, searching for the bartender. 

There’s a light touch on his arm and he as to fight the urge not to punch the bloke like he did to Robert. “Buy you a drink?” he asks, his voice deeper than Aaron expected. He calls the bartender over with a flick of his wrist before he can even get out an answer. “What are you having?”

“I can get it,” Aaron insists. “Two pints of lager, mate,” he tells the bartender. 

“Not seen you around here before,” the bloke continues and Aaron’s practically squirming now, just wants to be back with Robert, in the safety of their bubble. 

“Yeah, well I don’t live in London,” Aaron snaps. 

“I can tell by your accent. I’m Trevor, by the way. And you are?” 

He puts out his hand like he wants Aaron to shake it or something, which is about the last thing he wants. The other thing he doesn’t want to do is give this bloke his name. Luckily for him, the bartender returns with his pints and he hands him a tenner, telling him to keep the change so he doesn’t have to wait around. He just wants to get away from this guy. 

“One of those for me?” Trevor asks. 

He’s really not getting the hint and Aaron’s getting seriously annoyed now. There’s one way he could get him to leave him alone, he thinks, well two ways. He could tell him he’s straight or he could say...well he could say that. Trevor has the gall to put his hand on his arm again and Aaron’s really had enough now. 

“The other one’s for my boyfriend, mate!” Aaron blurts out, pointing in Robert’s direction. He can’t believe he actually said it. Seems to work though, Trevor looking somewhat affronted but then he smirks and Aaron doesn’t understand, glancing over his shoulder to see Robert chatting with some other guy at their table. 

“Looks like your boyfriend’s a bit busy at the moment,” Trevor mocks him. “You sure you wouldn’t rather stay and have a drink with me?” 

Again, he has a hand on him and this time Aaron does knock it away, not in the mood to play games. He grabs the drinks and storms off, back through the crowds toward their table, watching Robert the whole time. Unlike him, he doesn’t seem uncomfortable chatting to a random guy in a gay bar. He almost looks at ease, like it’s the simplest thing in the world. If he was jealous before, he’s raging with it now, though for more than one reason. When he reaches the table, he slams the drinks down a little too hard, beer spilling over the sides a bit. Looking startled, Robert takes him in, the set of his shoulders, the redness he’s sure is in his face now. They’ve always been able to read each other and he hopes Robert is getting the message loud and clear.

“Aaron,” Robert says and there’s a warning in his voice. “This is Derek, I used to work with him. He’s the one I told you about, that I came here with before.” 

All the fight goes out of him all of a sudden. “Oh, sorry, hi,” he manages, feeling like an idiot. 

Derek reaches out to shake his hand and he goes to put his hand out too until he realizes he has beer dripping down his palm. Embarrassed, he wipes his hand off on his jeans, trying to ignore Robert’s grimace and accepts Derek’s apologetic smile as they finally shake. He mouths an apology at Robert as he sits down. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Aaron,” Derek says politely. “I’ll leave you boys to it.” He grabs his own drink off the table and goes to leave but turns back for a moment and adds. “Good for you Sugden.” 

When he’s gone, Aaron buries his face in his hands, feeling the heat in his cheeks. How could he have been that stupid? “Robert, I’m sorry,” he mumbles against his fingers. 

“It’s okay,” Robert tells him, pulling his hands away from his face so he can see him. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to go and rip that bloke’s head off that was chatting you up at the bar. Good thing Derek showed up before I got the chance.” 

“Oh god...Trevor,” Aaron shudders. “You saw that?”

Robert nods, a little smile playing on his lips. 

“He was a right tosser. Wouldn’t leave me alone until I told him the other drink was for my boyfriend,” Aaron says, stops, realizes what he’s just said and feels his face flush all over again. 

“Boyfriend eh?” Robert catches it, of course he does. He’s grinning from ear to ear now and Aaron almost can’t stand it. 

“Shut up,” Aaron tells him. “It was just-” 

“Just what?” Robert asks, leaning across the table till their faces are centimeters from each other. He doesn’t give him a chance to respond, just closes the rest of the gap and kisses him in the middle of a bar like it’s nothing, and Aaron lets him. It’s not a long kiss, just a peck really but it feels monumental. When Robert pulls back, he asks, “Was that okay?” 

Aaron thinks on it for a second, how good it felt not to care who was watching. Actually, he hoped that muppet, Trevor was watching. “Yeah,” he says and leans in for another kiss. 

\---

They stumble back into their hotel room at just gone one in the morning. Aaron leans against the wall for support as Robert fumbles with the key card, slapping it up against the electronic lock several times before he finds the magic spot and the light turns green. He giggles when he gets it and it makes Aaron laugh too as he lets Robert tug him inside. The room is spinning a bit but he’s got Robert’s body pressed against his as an anchor as they walk back toward the bed. Everything is warm, too warm, and he tries to tug his jumper off but gets it stuck halfway off, his head suddenly lost in a swathe of black fabric. 

“Rob-Robert it’s dark,” he laughs. 

“C’mere...boyfriend,” Robert giggles again. It’s become his new favorite word tonight. “Lemme help.” 

Together they get his jumper off and Robert runs his hands down his bare chest and stomach and he feels tingly all over. He gets it in his head that he wants Robert to feel the same so he nudges him down on the bed, so soft, and climbs on top of him, trying in vain to undo the buttons on his shirt. He doesn’t understand why Robert has to wear such complicated clothing. 

“No use!” he sighs dramatically. “It’s never coming off.” 

Robert’s fingers are more sober than his apparently, and he’s able to undo them all as Aaron watches in awe. He helps with the last bit, pushing the shirt off of his shoulders and he throws it across the room with a mischievous grin. Straddling him now, Aaron pushes against him, feeling bolder than he ever has before. He runs his hands along his stomach, watching goosebumps raise on his skin because of course Robert’s somehow cold when he’s burning up. Maybe he should warm him up, he thinks, laying down on top of him, chest to chest, and kissing him. It’s the sloppiest kiss they’ve ever had, all tongues and teeth and half missing each other’s mouths but Aaron doesn’t really care. 

“So we survived the dreaded gay bar,” Robert half slurs as Aaron moves onto his neck. 

Yeah, they did, and it wasn’t half bad once he got used to it, but it’s the last thing his brain wants to be attempting to form thoughts about now. He just wants Robert, needs to stop him talking. Kissing him quiet, he tries his luck with the buttons on Robert’s jeans, thankful he’s wearing the really fitted ones that don’t need a belt. Success! At least there’s only two and the zip is easy and then he’s palming him through his boxers, feeling him harden against his hand. 

Robert groans and Aaron wants him to make that sound again so he slips his hand inside his boxers and strokes him again. He moans once more but then he’s pulling at Aaron’s hand, stopping him and Aaron’s confused, thought he was doing the right thing. Robert pushes him back a bit and slithers out from under him. 

“What?” Aaron asks. “I’m sure Rob-Robert I want-”

Robert shakes his head, tucking himself back into his pants and rising up on his knees to put a hand over Aaron’s mouth. “Shh. We’ve had too much-not when we’re this drunk, yeah?” 

“Thought you still wanted me,” Aaron sulks, wrapping his arms around his bare chest self consciously. 

Robert pulls him up, kisses him again and rests his forehead against his. “I do, I promise, but-but not like this, right?” 

As if to prove his point, he strips off his jeans so he’s left just in his boxers and clambers up the bed, pulling the duvet and the sheets back. He settles himself in and nods with his head to the space beside him, but Aaron doesn’t want a cuddle. He wants more but that’s clearly not going to happen tonight. Sliding off the bed, he discards his own jeans on the floor and grabs his t-shirt from earlier, slipping it on. When he climbs back into bed, he curls up on the other side, as far from Robert as he can get. Robert can cuddle his pillow for all he cares. 

“Aaron,” Robert tries and he can feel him shifting in the bed behind him but he stubbornly refuses to turn around. 

“Night Robert,” he says firmly, making sure he doesn't slur a single syllable. 

He hears Robert sigh but pays him no mind, shutting his eyes against everything. His brain won't turn off right away though, as much as he wants it to, and he's left with images and thoughts of their night together. Once he settled, once he'd gotten away from that Trevor, the night was pretty perfect. Aaron never thought he'd be one for pda but get a few pints in him and all of a sudden, he was scooting around the table so he was sat right next to Robert, leaning up against him, their kissing getting heavier as the night wore on. He thinks back to that night out in Ibiza with his college mates and how they'd pushed him towards that girl. Tonight was miles better than that. He can feel that it's right but the thought of anyone at home knowing still freaks him out, because what if it's not alright with them? He already feels like he has such a tenuous place with the Dingles, with Paddy, with his mum, what if this is the thing that pushes them away for good? He doesn't want to take the risk. Finally, he drifts off to sleep to the memory of Robert singing Cher’s ‘Believe’ in his ear when it came on at the bar, arm draped over his shoulder, bodies pressed together. 

He wakes thrashing, slowly coming out of a heavy, nightmare riddled sleep. There's hands holding him down, a heavy weight on top of him, pain and his dad’s voice back in his ear, except he can feel his hot breath on the back of his neck. His body is covered in a slick layer of sweat, fear tickling up his spine, his heart pounding in his chest. He's afraid to open his eyes, wants to block it out as much as he can. If he can just shut himself away in his head, he can pretend it's not happening and then it'll be over. 

There's another voice though, calmer, softer than his dad's gruff voice. “Shhh. Aaron, it's okay. It's okay, wake up. You're alright.”

He tries to listen to it, to fight his way to the surface. He knows he dreaming now, he just needs to get out of it, find that voice that feels like safety. 

“Aaron, I'm right here. You're okay. I just need you to wake up,” he hears the voice again. 

He feels him first, Robert, knows it's him and not his dad. When he opens his eyes finally, he sees him looking down on him. He's wrapped up in Robert's arms, still thrashing a bit. He stills, listens to his voice, holds onto it. 

“Hey, that's it,” he says, weak smile on his face in the dim light. “You're okay.”

And yeah, Aaron feels like maybe he will be, leaning back into Robert's embrace and blinking away the last remnants of the nightmare. “What time is it?” he asks, his voice hoarse and raspy. He wonders if he was screaming or maybe it was just the drinking and the yelling in the bar. 

“About half four?” Robert says softly, stroking his shoulder. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Aaron tells him. He feels awful for waking him up like this. 

“It’s fine. I’m glad I was here,” Robert says and Aaron’s too tired to really understand. “Can you go back to sleep?” 

He mulls the thought over, his eyelids still heavy. Usually, he doesn’t really go back to sleep after a nightmare like that but somehow he feels warm and safe in Robert’s arms and he finds himself drifting off again already. “I think so,” he mumbles. 

When he wakes again, slowly cracking his eyes open, it’s light out and he actually thinks he feels well rested for the first time in a while. He’s cold though and he realizes he’s kicked all the blankets off and there’s no Robert. Turning, he sees him sitting up, showered already and wrapped in one of the hotel dressing gowns. He’s got his phone in front of him and he looks engrossed in whatever it is that he’s reading. 

“How long did I sleep?” Aaron asks, worried he’s wasted the day now. 

“Only a few more hours,” Robert tells him, glancing over. “It’s only nine-thirty.”

“How long have you been up?” Aaron asks, looking at the darkness under his eyes.

“A while,” Robert admits, looking down at his phone again, biting at his lip like Aaron usually does. 

“Did you go back to sleep after I woke you up? I’m sorry,” Aaron apologizes again. 

“It’s fine. That’s what coffee’s for,” Robert gives him a soft smile and nods to the hotel mug he’s got on the bedside table. 

Aaron nods slowly, still feels awful for waking him up at all. He feels guilty that he was able to go right back to sleep because Robert was here when normally he’d probably just be up, too afraid to close his eyes again. Robert’s gone back to his reading but he looks nervous about it, constantly glancing over at him like he wants to say something but can’t figure out the right way to say it. It’s making him uneasy. 

“Reading anything interesting?” he asks as he pulls himself up and peers over his shoulder. Robert tries to move the phone away but Aaron manages to grab it, thinking maybe it’s something he can tease him for. Instead he finds information about support groups for child abuse survivors and he feels a wave of sickness wash over him. “You promised me you wouldn’t say anything,” Aaron says through gritted teeth. 

Robert sighs, “And I meant it, god help me, but Aaron, that nightmare. How often do you have those?” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Aaron shrugs it off. “They’re just dreams. Who cares?” 

“Aaron, you’ve been exhausted all week,” Robert reminds him. 

“Right well, maybe it got worse when I told you so why would I want to tell anyone else,” he argues. 

“I just think maybe talking to someone might help,” Robert suggests. 

Aaron rolls away from him and stands up. “I told you I wasn’t going to tell anyone else, not Paddy, not my mum, not the police and certainly not a load of strangers, and I meant it.” 

“I know but-” Robert starts. 

“I’m not talking about this anymore. I’m going to grab a shower,” he cuts him off and hurries into the bathroom, unwanted tears starting to fall. All he wanted was to get away from all of this for the weekend and it’s just all flooding back to the surface. 

\---

He runs the shower, scalding hot as usual, just out of habit. The steadiness of the water pounding against his back as he lets it cascade over him distracts him for a while, but it doesn't help completely. He hates that Robert looks scared for him, doesn't want to be a burden on anyone, least of all him and least of all this weekend. This trip was supposed to be about them and he's ruined it. 

Eventually the water runs cold and he gets out, wrapping himself in the second dressing gown, soft and fluffy against red skin. He towels his hair off, watching it curl slightly in the mirror, wonders if Robert likes it better like this. It's growing on him anyway. Outside the door, he can hear Robert shuffling and it's making him nervous. With a sigh, he decides he can’t hide in here forever and it's better just to face him and explain things again. 

When he walks into the room, he finds Robert sitting on the edge of the bed, half dressed and looking distressed. His knee is bouncing up and down like Aaron's is wont to do when he's nervous. He looks up at him with sad eyes when he hears him come out and it just makes him feel worse. 

“I'm sorry, Aaron,” Robert says immediately. “I'm just in over my head here and I wanted to help.”

“It's not your problem,” Aaron tells him, wishes he'd never said anything in the first place. 

“Aaron, you're my boyfriend, as we well established last night,” he tries to crack a smile but it doesn't meet his eyes. “I care about you is all and if something's bothering you then I want to help, right?”

Aaron doesn't even know how to respond at first. He's never really had anyone say anything like that to him before except maybe Paddy and his mum when she's having one of her periods where she actually remembers she's his mum. It makes his own heart ache that Robert's putting this kind of pressure on himself. 

“I'm fine, I promise,” he settles on. “I will be in a bit anyway.”

“And you weren't having nightmares before you told me?” Robert asks. 

Of course he was, he just doesn't think going to some group meeting and talking about it over and over is going to help with that. Robert seems to be able to tell what he's thinking, standing up and risking running his hands along his shoulders. Aaron's just trying not to be distracted by his bare chest, which is suddenly in front of him, getting a bit lost counting his freckles. Anything to avoid having this conversation. 

“You don't even have to say anything if you don't want to. You can just listen at first. And they won't make you report it if you don't want to,” Robert tried to assure him. “It might-”

Aaron sighs, just wanting to move on. “If I say I'll think about it, can we go do something else now?”

A real smile forms on Robert's face and he looks relieved, a weight lifting off of him. Aaron doesn’t know if he’ll actually come around to his idea, but he hopes the day can be salvaged at least. Taking the initiative, he leans in and kisses him softly, nothing more for now, but he already has plans for tonight. 

\---

“Aren’t you going to come look at the view?” Robert asks, grinning at Aaron with his white knuckled death grip on the seat below him. 

He’s taken him up on the London Eye, dragged him more like. When Aaron told him he was afraid of heights, he didn’t think he’d be quite this freaked out. This is the kind of fear he can handle though. It’s a good distraction from the seriousness of the morning, not that he can completely forget about Aaron’s nightmare. It scared the hell out of him, seeing him like that, not being able to wake him up at first. He just hopes that once he’s thought about it, that Aaron will feel like he can go at least check out one of the support groups he found. He just wants to feel useful. 

They’re getting closer to the top and Robert wants Aaron to come and see before it’s too late. Pushing away from the glass, he makes his way over to him, trying to keep steady as the car moves upward. He grabs for his hands and Aaron is already shaking his head, but he’s not going to let him off this easy. This is a view that he should see. Robert came up here when he first came down to London, once he’d gotten himself together enough anyway. Seeing London all laid out before him like that had taken his breath away. 

“I’m fine where I am, thanks,” Aaron grumbles, but his voice is shaking a bit. 

“Come on!” Robert pleads with him, trying to pull him up, but Aaron’s stronger than he is and keeps his seat. “Don’t you trust me? I’ll keep you safe, promise.” 

Aaron looks up at him, like he’s considering it just for a moment and Robert seizes the moment of his broken concentration and finally tugs him to his feet. Unsteady, he falls into his embrace and Robert wraps his hands around his waist to keep him upright. The woman of the couple nearest to them has a smile on her face as she watches them and the guy laughs as Aaron starts cursing at him. 

“Right, I’ve got you, just come with me,” Robert whispers in his ear, turning him around and pointing him towards the glass wall of the capsule. 

“I hate you,” Aaron mutters as Robert starts to walk them forward. 

He gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, still marveling at how easy that is to do here, to not have to worry, and says, “No you don’t. And this will be worth it.” 

“It better-wow!” Aaron gasps a little as they make it to the glass, looking out over the whole of London. 

He sees Aaron’s eyes widen as he looks out, putting his hands on the glass to get a better view. Suddenly he’s not so afraid anymore but he does warn him that if he lets him go, he’ll kill him, so Robert keeps one hand firmly around his waist as he fishes out his phone with the other, snapping a few pictures of the city. He takes one of Aaron too while he’s distracted, capturing his childlike excitement at seeing London like this. 

“Would you like one of the two of you together?” The woman who had been sitting next to them before asks. 

Aaron freezes in his grip for a second but Robert shuffles them around and hands the woman his phone. He pulls Aaron in closer so she can get both the city and them in the frame and nudges him in the ribs to get him to smile. Aaron’s not really one for posing for pictures so she makes them try a few times until she’s satisfied with the result. When he gets his phone back, he thanks her and agrees with her assessment. 

“Four photos? Was that really necessary?” Aaron says under his breath so only he can here. “You’re deleting all of them right?” 

“Uh, no, I like this one.” Robert shows him the last one where Aaron actually almost looks like he’s enjoying himself. If they didn’t have to worry about people finding out back home, he might make it his phone background. He might do anyway, just until the get back to Emmerdale, even if Aaron will tease him for it. 

Once they get off the London Eye, which Aaron reluctantly admits was not as bad as he thought it would be, they spend the rest of the afternoon just wandering about. They get an ice cream in the park and Robert watches Aaron’s melt all down his fingers because he takes too long to eat it like a little kid. They take dumb selfies in front of Big Ben and even Aaron is almost getting into them, making silly faces right along with him. He even lets him kiss him in one and although it’s at a weird angle and half his head is cut off, it’s still Robert’s favorite. He’s going to have to save it onto his laptop or something though because he can’t risk anyone finding it on his phone. If he forgets about the morning, the day feels pretty much perfect. 

He takes him to his old local pub for their tea and it feels strange walking back in there. It’s just down the block from his second flat and it used to remind him of the Woolpack, not that he ever would have admitted that if he’d been asked then. The landlady still recognizes him when he walks in even though it’s been over a year. She practically gives him a warmer welcome than Diane does.

“Guess you came here a lot then?” Aaron asks as they grab a booth. 

“It was close by,” Robert shrugs and Aaron seems to let it go, which he’s grateful for. 

“So what can I get you, Yorkshire?” Molly asks him as she comes over. She always used to call him that. 

He gives her a small smile, feels weird that he’s come back here when he doesn’t live here anymore. “Two pints and...uhh...the fish and chips are good here, Aaron?” All of a sudden Aaron looks like he’s miles away, eyes glazed over. Molly glances at him and back and Robert’s not quite sure what’s wrong. “Just the pints for the moment,” he tells her. 

“Sorry,” Aaron is already apologizing once she’s gone. Robert hates that but at least he looks a bit more like himself now. 

“What happened?” he asks. 

“Okay,” is all he says and Robert cocks his head to one side to study him, trying to figure out what he means by that. “Okay, I’ll try that support group thing.” 

“Really?” Robert thinks that came out of nowhere but he’s not going to complain. 

“Fish and chips,” Aaron says, his voice emotionless. “He used to get them for us every night after mum left. The night-the first time-well he didn’t and I didn’t like what he made me. And then after-the next day, there were just fish and chips sat on the table for tea again like nothing had happened.” 

Robert’s not sure he ever wants to eat fish and chips again either now. They've eaten it together plenty of times before and Aaron never said anything. He wonders if it bothered him then or if it's just now since it's all been brought back up again. Aaron seems exhausted by the admission all of a sudden and he hates that, that one stupid comment he made could ruin the mood. 

“Aaron,” he starts and sees him already bracing for another apology. “So, cheeseburgers it is then! Make sure you tell Marlon that hers are better than his when we get back.”

Aaron bites at his lip to suppress a grin, his whole face coming alive again. Robert smiles too and thinks that maybe he's finally getting the hang of this, even though he's sure he’ll still get it wrong all the time too. He hopes that Aaron's serious about trying the support group but he's not going to push him by talking about it anymore. Reaching across the table, he squeezes his hand and gets up to go put in their order with Molly. 

Two hours later, the carnage of their burgers have been cleared away, they're on their second pint and things are good again. Aaron has the biggest smile on his face as he digs into a sticky toffee pudding that Robert had also asked for when he put in their order earlier. It seems to be doing the trick of cheering him up completely, which makes him smile as well as he darts his fork across the table to sneak a bite. 

“Oi! You could've gotten your own!” Aaron scolds him, fighting off his fork with his own until they're in a mini battle of cutlery against cutlery, spoons coming out as reinforcements. 

“Ha!” Robert shoots him a smug smirk when he finally secures a piece and shoves it into his mouth. 

“Cheeky git!” Aaron mutters, guarding the rest of his plate with his arms like a dragon hoarding treasure. 

“So,” Robert says as he swallows, finishing off the last of his pint. “What do you want to do tonight? We could could go to a club or something?”

Aaron glances up from his pudding, biting at his lip again, which he needs to stop doing because it's just making Robert want to kiss him. “Actually, I kind of thought we could make it an early night.” And then he winks at him and Robert’s gone already. 

“Better hurry up and finish that then,” he says flatly but raises his eyebrows at him so he knows he’s caught onto his meaning. 

“Done,” Aaron says instantly and nods towards the door. 

“Someone’s eager,” Robert smirks at him, but he’s a hypocrite because so is he. “Tell you what, you go sort out the bill and I’ll go get us a taxi.” 

“Deal,” Aaron grins back. 

Robert gets up from the booth and glances around the pub. Molly’s watching him and there’s a few other punters he recognizes but he realizes he doesn’t care here. Grabbing his leather jacket, he walks up to Aaron, grabs his face and kisses him with a promise for later and then walks out, waving at Molly as he goes. No one bats an eyelid even if Molly looks a little surprised. No one cares and he kind of wishes they could just stay here forever because he knows once they go back home, it’ll mean more hiding and in just two days, he’s gotten used to being able to just be with Aaron. As the door shuts behind him, he glances through the gap back at Aaron, laughing as he sneaks one last bite of his dessert before getting up to pay. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt more at ease with another person. 

\---

Sunlight streams in through the windows, prying his eyes open. They must have forgotten to close the blinds all the way last night, but they had other things on their minds. Aaron shifts ever so slightly, stifling a yawn, and trying not to wake Robert. They’re still tangled up in each other, sheets pooling at their waists, duvet kicked off in the night. Robert’s got his arms wrapped around his middle, his face buried in his neck and one leg wedged in between his. He feels like it should bother him being confined, or being that cuddled up with another person, especially a bloke, but he doesn’t think he’s ever felt more content. It scares him and he doesn’t quite know what to do with that feeling so he pushes it down, just tries to enjoy the moment.

He can’t stop thinking about last night either. Their first time he’d been so nervous but this time he’d made the most of it. They had lasted about five seconds once they got in the door before they’d been frantically hurrying the other out of his clothes. Aaron was just thankful that Robert had sensibly worn only a jumper instead of his usual button down, though sober him probably could have handled the buttons better. Not that he’ll admit it to him, but Robert was right the night before when he’d stopped them and they more than made up for it. His body feels sore, stretched, but it’s a good feeling, putting a smile on his face. 

Robert mouths at the back of his neck, stirring all around him. “Morning,” he mumbles against his skin. “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I did,” Aaron tells him and it’s true. It was the first night since he told Robert everything that he didn’t have a nightmare. He knows that doesn’t mean they’re gone for good by any means but it’s nice to have a reprieve. When he told Robert he’d try the support group, he did mean it. He just hopes when the time comes, he doesn’t chicken out. 

“Good, I’m glad,” Robert says and turns slightly to glance at the clock in the room. He groans when he sees the time. They slept longer than they intended. “Check out is in an hour. I guess we ought to get up. Why don’t you grab the first shower and I’ll get packed.” 

Aaron rolls over so they’re facing each other and kisses him properly, morning breath and all. “Or you could join me,” he says, wanting this feeling to last as long as possible. “To save time and all that.” 

“Of course,” Robert grins at him. “For time. Go on then!”

He brushes his fingers over a sensitive spot on Aaron’s side, tickling him, and Aaron jumps, fixing him with a glare as he disentangles from him and gets up from the bed. It’s seemingly Robert’s new favorite discovery and he plans on wiping that smug smile off his face in a second. Grabbing him by the hand, he pulls him up and drags him into the bathroom. Check out can wait. 

\---

“Why are we stopping here?” Aaron asks as Robert pulls off the road. They’re almost home now, barely having made it to check out on time, hair still wet as they raced to the reception desk. 

“Because,” Robert says as he switches the engine off. 

“It’s a lay by,” he states the obvious. 

“Because I’m not going to be able to do this when I drop you off,” Robert tells him and leans over the center console and gives him a kiss. “Am I?”

Aaron goes in for one more, deepening it for a moment before he pulls back and leans back against his seat. “I guess not,” he admits, sadly,

“It’s been good though, hasn’t it?” Robert asks, like he’s seeking reassurance that this weekend wasn’t a daft idea. 

“Yeah it was,” Aaron answers truthfully. “And I’m glad we did it but-”

“But you’re not ready for anyone to know,” Robert finishes for him, looking down at his hands for a moment, twisting them together. “And as much as I want to be, neither am I.” 

“So what now?” Aaron sighs, deflating a bit. He’d been on such a high all the way back even though he knew what he was coming home to. 

“Go back to sneaking around I suppose,” Robert says, “and work our way up to it?” 

“And what if we never get to that point?” Aaron asks, terrified because he doesn’t feel like he’s ever going to be able to tell anyone that he’s gay, that he’s with Robert. Just the mere thought turns his stomach, makes him afraid of losing everything all over again. It was easy in London where everyone was a stranger to him and he had Robert by his side. He wishes he was stronger, that he didn’t care so much what they all thought of him, that he didn’t worry that this, that everything, would make them turn their backs on him like they have before. 

“We will,” Robert tells him but Aaron can see just how much he’s trying to convince himself with that too. 

Silence settles over them for a minute or two, neither one of them knowing what to say. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything left to say. Robert starts the car again but doesn’t make any effort to move, stalling. With a sigh, Aaron loosens his seatbelt a bit and reaches out, pulling Robert into one last kiss, savouring it, and then he lets him go, settling back in his seat again. 

“Right, let’s go home then,” he says.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert takes Aaron to his first support group meeting. Robert and Andy finally sign the contract with the supermarket. A night of celebration doesn't quite go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! Another chapter! I hope you're all enjoying these fast updates while I write this story for nanowrimo. I'm almost up to 35k so I still have another 15k to write in the next 6 days. Eek! Anyway, thank you again for all your comments. They mean a lot to me and help with my motivation to keep writing!

April 2010

Robert drums his fingers on the steering wheel, tapping out the rhythm of some unnamed song in his head. The clock stares at him from the dashboard and he simultaneously feels like time has stopped and it’s moving too fast. He’s got to get back to the farm soon because Mark, the supermarket rep, is coming today to sign the contracts. Andy was incredulous this morning when he told him he had somewhere he had to be. He just kept going on at him about how this was all his idea and asking him what could be so important that he was risking not being here. Aaron. Aaron is more important. 

It’s why he’s sitting in his car in a carpark in Hotten, waiting for Aaron to come out of the Community Hall. Today happens to be the first day since they’ve been back that the support group he chose off of the list he made for him is meeting. He chose one that was just for male survivors thinking it might make him feel more comfortable. Robert hopes he’s right about that. He just wants it to go well, to help him in some way. The fact that his dad is still out there getting to live his life like nothing happened while Aaron suffers, makes Robert livid, but he’s read enough now to know that just going after this Gordon won’t necessarily help Aaron at all. Getting him to start dealing with what happened to him might be a good start though so he’s just happy Aaron agreed to this. 

His foot starts tapping to a different rhythm than his fingers which messes him up and he sighs with frustration, leaning back in his seat. Switching on the sound system, Taylor Swift blasts out of the speakers and he tries to calm himself down by singing along and thinking about how much Aaron would be mocking him right now. He makes it three quarters of the way through ‘You Belong With Me’ before he shuts it off. Nothing seems to be helping his nerves. 

Finally, he sees Aaron come out of the building followed by a couple of other guys. He watches him closely, trying to get a read on him. One guy waves at him but Aaron just shrugs and trudges towards the car. He looks a little dazed, lost, when he gets in, muttering a soft ‘thanks for waiting’ as if Robert was actually going to leave him stranded here. Putting on his seatbelt, Aaron leans his head up against the window and closes his eyes for a moment. All Robert wants to do is ask him how it went but he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. 

When he opens his eyes again, he looks a little better, more present and Robert decides to risk it anyway. “Did it go okay?” 

“Fine,” he mumbles. 

“Did you say anything? Or just listen?” The question is out of his mouth before he can stop himself. 

Aaron looks over at him and he’s afraid he’s made a mistake but he answers, “Listened mostly.” 

Robert wants to know what the ‘mostly’ means but he’s just so thrilled that Aaron’s trying this at all that he’s not going to push him to talk about it too much. There is one thing he needs to know though. “Do you think you want to come back again?” he asks. 

“Guess so,” Aaron shrugs at him, looking noncommittal about it but the fact that he’s agreeing at all must mean something positive. Robert’s willing to take that as a bit of a win. “Can we just go now?” 

“Yeah, yeah we can. We should get back,” Robert says, looking at the time. 

“Oh,” Aaron says and he looks disappointed and Robert wonders what it is he’s done now. “I just thought, maybe we could go somewhere, get some lunch or something since we’re in town.”

Robert hesitates for a second. He wants to keep Aaron’s spirits up but he really does need to get back. “Actually. I have to get back to the farm. Mark’s coming with the contracts today.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that was today?” Aaron exclaims, sitting up in alarm. “Shit! And you’ve spent half the day dealing with me and my problems…”

“Aaron I wanted to be here,” Robert assures him. “Besides, if we go now, I’m not going to miss the meeting. It’s fine.” 

“Right,” Aaron calms down a bit. “Well we should, I don’t know, do something to celebrate tonight. Go for a drink?”

“Yeah we should,” Robert quickly agrees, as if he wouldn’t. “Pub or town?”

“Definitely town,” Aaron decides. “We could...we could go to Bar West maybe?”

They’ve been talking about trying to go there since the car ride back, thinking maybe it could be their London away from London, a place where they could be themselves. It’s just still a bit too close to home that it makes both of them a bit nervous but maybe tonight, it’s worth a try. Robert leans across the car and gives Aaron a quick kiss, a promise of more tonight. “Yeah, sounds good,” he tells him. 

\---

Robert signs on the line next to Mark’s signature, a sense of accomplishment like adrenaline flowing through him. He’s finally done something right with the farm. Aaron thought his dad would be proud of him and he hopes that he’s right. Even if he’d hate him being with Aaron, at least this was something he could do for Jack’s memory. Putting the pen down, he shakes Mark’s outstretched hand and then feels the usual pang of jealousy when he goes to shake Andy’s. He can’t help himself. Andy had nothing to do with this deal. It was all him. 

“I look forward to working with you both,” Mark tells them as he packs up his things, leaving a copy of the contract on the table for them. Robert nods and ushers him toward the door but Mark stops before he leaves and says, “You’ve got a good mind for business, Robert. I’m sure we’ll be talking more soon.” 

“Yeah, yes of course,” Robert beams, basking in the glow of the extra recognition that he feels like he deserves. 

As soon as the door closes, he’s texting Aaron, telling him that everything is signed and official and that he can’t wait for tonight. And he can’t. They’ve only been home for a few days and already it’s killing him that he can’t just be open about everything between them. Neither one of them seem to be able to get past their hang ups though as much as they want to. As a result, they’ve barely gotten a moment alone and tonight, he’s looking forward to changing that. 

“What are you so excited about?” Andy asks him. “I mean, besides the contract.” 

“Just going into town with Aaron to celebrate,” he says casually, trying not to make a big thing of it. It’s not like it’s not normal for them to go off and do things together at this point and no one said anything about London, well at least not that it seemed weird. 

“A night out sounds great actually,” Andy says and Robert is jerking his head up toward him, trying to comprehend what is happening. “I haven’t been out for ages!” 

And it can stay that way, Robert wants to tell him. This is the last thing he wants right now. All he wants is to go out with his boyfriend. “Yeah, well it’s not my fault you don’t have any mates,” he tries to shut him down without actually saying the words ‘I don’t want you to come’. 

“I have mates!” Andy protests. “I’ll ask Ryan to come.” 

Robert rolls his eyes, because that was not what he was intending at all. He sighs heavily through gritted teeth at the thought of more people crashing his date. In his hand, his phone buzzes and he sees Aaron’s reply, ‘Congrats! Looking forward to tonight too!’. 

“So what time should I tell him?” Andy asks and Robert looks up from his phone to see Andy has his own out and is already texting Ryan. He just wants to scream. “Mind you, we can’t stay out too late because I have Sarah all day tomorrow. Taking her to the zoo. She’s really excited. You can manage without me tomorrow, yeah? After all the times I’ve covered for you recently.” 

Of course he’d try and guilt trip him, but yes, he does owe him so he nods, unable to form any words that aren’t curses right now. 

“So what time?” Andy asks again. 

Miserable, Robert sighs again and says, “I don’t know, eight?” and then texts Aaron back to break the news about their plans getting ruined. Maybe he can make it up to him tomorrow though if Andy’s out all day. 

\---

Aaron sits with Adam outside the pub, a half finished pint in his hands. He’s not sure he can actually be sober for any of this. A night out with Andy and Ryan is hardly what he had in mind when he suggested going into town to Robert. All he wanted after the morning he had was to spend time away from all of this with his boyfriend. He knows it’s not what Robert wants either so he’s trying to make the best of it, but it won’t be easy. Upending his glass, he gulps down the rest of it, trying to let the tiny buzz distract him a bit from everything else.

He’s not a talker at the best of times, so the entire concept of sharing his life with a group of strangers this morning had seemed a near impossible task. Mostly, he had listened to the others share, heard horror stories worse than his own. It wasn’t comforting, by any means, but at least he felt like maybe if he did open up at some point, they might understand. He’d told them his name and that his boyfriend suggested that he come. Going there was supposed to be about being honest and they’d drilled it into him at the start of the meeting that nothing said there would go beyond the group, so he felt like he should at least offer that much truth even if he couldn’t say any more just yet. They’d all welcomed him with a chorus of hellos, which had only made him retreat more into his shell. Still, he was relieved that no one had said anything about him having a boyfriend. 

Setting down his empty glass, he looks up and sees Ryan walking over from the garage and Robert and Andy pulling up in the Range Rover. And so it begins, he sighs to himself, bracing himself for the inevitable awkwardness of the evening. Robert’s already mouthing an apology towards him as they all converge in front of the Woolpack and he looks like he wants to murder Andy, which is probably not the best sign. 

“What’s he doing here?” Andy asks, pointing at Adam. 

“He invited himself along,” Aaron tells him. “Apparently it’s the thing to do.” 

“He’s not even old enough,” Ryan adds. 

“He has a fake ID,” Adam holds it up proudly for the others to see. “Besides, I’m eighteen in a few days anyway. Who cares?” 

“The more, the better,” Robert mutters and Aaron’s right there with him on the frustration although if Ryan and Andy are tagging along on their date, he doesn’t much mind having Adam along as well. At least he likes Adam. 

“We going then or what?” Ryan asks. 

“I’ve booked us a taxi. Should be here soon,” Robert explains and then sidles up to Aaron’s side, nodding towards the empty pint glass on the table. “Starting without me?” 

“I think I’m going to need it,” Aaron whispers back through the side of his mouth so the others don’t hear. 

The taxi ride is awkward with five of them piled in. Ryan sits up front with the driver and the rest of them squeeze into the back seat. Somehow he ends up with Andy sandwiched between him and Robert, the two of them sharing glances over his head the whole way. At least if they’d been sat next to each other, it might have been more bearable. Instead, he’s stuck inhaling whatever cologne Andy seems to have gone overboard with, which makes him want to gag, for more than one reason. The thought of potentially watching Andy on the pull is enough to make him sick. Still, he supposes it’s better than him smelling like the farm like normal. 

After an excruciating twenty minutes, the driver drops them off in town across the street from Bar West, which makes Aaron sweat a little. Still, he wishes they could just ditch the rest of them and sneak off in there for the night they’d originally planned. Robert mouths another ‘I’m sorry’ to him when he sees and Aaron knows he wanted it to be just them as much as he did. 

“So, where were you two planning on going then?” Andy asks. 

Robert stares at Bar West for a second too long for comfort before coming up with, “We were just going to play it by ear, decide when we got here.”

“Right, well, we could try that Cue Ball place,” Ryan suggests. 

“Works for me,” Andy says. “The girls are fit there, eh lads?” 

Aaron wants to scream. Maybe he should have just stayed home. “Fine,” he sighs instead and off they go. 

They cross the street and pass right by Bar West, no one besides him and Robert sparing it another glance. He’s sure their longing stares would be questionable if anyone were paying attention to them. Instead, Robert’s able to hang back with him as they let the others go a little bit ahead. Robert nudges his shoulder as they walk and that’s about as much as he’s going to get tonight, he thinks. 

“I’m sorry,” Robert says one more time. “He just...invited himself along and was already asking Ryan before I could say no.” 

Aaron shoots him an angry look even if he knows they’re in this mess together. 

“I’ll make it up to you,” he whispers close to his ear. 

“Yeah? And how’s that?” he asks, all ears. 

“Come help me at the farm tomorrow,” Robert tells him. 

“Are you sure?” Aaron questions the offer. After Andy almost caught them up there, he’s known Robert hasn’t wanted to risk it again. 

“Andy’s off out with Sarah all day and Vic will be at school,” he explains. 

Aaron grins at him. “You’d better make it worth my while then.” 

“Oh, I intend to,” Robert says, his voice low and filled with lust. Aaron wants to drag him off now, but they hurry to catch up with the others instead. 

\---

“To the contract!” Andy says as they all hold up their whiskey shots. It’s their third round. 

“Which you didn’t want!” Robert says, clinking his glass with his brother’s, a self satisfied smirk on his face. Aaron can tell he’s miserable and bitter though. 

“Now, now boys,” Adam sighs at them. “Are we here to argue or are we here to celebrate and have a drink?”

“Or several,” Aaron chimes in, already on his second pint as well. 

“To the girls at the next table,” Ryan tries instead. 

“I’ll drink to that!” Andy says and they all knock them back even if Aaron wants to throw his in Andy’s stupid face. 

He’s been trying to enjoy himself at least a little. Robert is sitting next to him at the very least and every once in awhile he lets his hand drop between them and rest on his thigh for a split second before he pulls it away again. It’s the only thing getting him through the evening, especially since Ryan and Andy have become obsessed with flirting with the girls at the table next to theirs. There are four of them, which means one of them isn’t getting lucky as Andy puts it and Aaron’s just fine with that. The other three can have them and he’ll get lucky with Robert if they’d just all leave them be. 

“I’ll get us another round,” Robert announces. “Aaron, you want to help me carry them?” 

“Yeah,” he says without hesitation. Andy and Ryan have just started arguing over the redhead again and Aaron would rather actually jump off the edge of the quarry than listen to them for another second. 

“Five whiskey shots,” Robert tells the bar man when they get up there. “You doing okay?”

“Considering I’d rather be literally anywhere else, you mean?” He leans his elbows on the bar, dropping his head between his shoulders. 

“Yeah that, me too,” Robert says as the bartender comes back with their shots, lining them up on the bar. “Actually, can we get two more?” He nudges Aaron’s arm. “Just for us.” 

When they get their extra drinks, they hold them up and Aaron makes the toast. “To not murdering the lot of them!” 

Robert laughs. “And to having a better time tomorrow.” 

They clink their glasses together swallow them down fast, Aaron making a face at the burn. He’d rather stay at the bar with Robert the rest of the night but reluctantly, he helps him gather up the rest of their drinks and takes them back to the table. Andy and Ryan are actually still talking about the redhead when they sit down again and Aaron can’t roll his eyes further back in his head if he tried. 

“Andy,” Ryan starts, his words already starting to slur just a little bit, “thinks he’s in with a chance with that one. What do you think Rob?” 

“I think he doesn’t stand a chance in hell,” Robert shoves their shots at them across the table. 

“Well, if he flames out tonight, there’s always Adele back in the village. She fancies ya for some reason,” Ryan tells Andy.

“As if,” Andy brushes off the comment, his cheeks going a bit red. 

“Nah, I reckon it’s true,” Adam adds. “I’ve seen her staring at you in the pub. She’s pretty obvious about it, mate!” 

“Give over,” Andy says. “And if you want obvious, you should see the way you look at Scarlett everytime she walks in!” 

“I do not!” Adam protests but Aaron’s seen it too. He can’t muster enough enthusiasm to actually join in the conversation though. 

“I think I might ask that Eve out,” Ryan says, looking a bit wistful. “Even though she is Edna’s granddaughter. She’s well fit!” 

Aaron watches Robert sharing a knowing look with his brother and makes a mental note to ask him about that later. He thought he knew about most of his colorful history but he’s never heard anything about Eve. Part of him is a bit scared to ask though. He doesn’t really want to know about anymore potential ex girlfriends. Finding out about him and Nicola was scarring enough. 

“Don’t think that’s such a good idea, mate,” Robert cautions him. 

“Yeah, you’re better off staying well out of her way,” Andy adds. “She’s trouble. Besides, I know you’re just trying to make Katie jealous.” 

Adam shuffles at his side, leaning over the table a bit. “Didn’t you- didn’t all three of you date Katie at one time or another? Isn’t that awkward?” 

“Well, she’s slept with half the village,” Robert quips. “It’s more a surprise when you’ve met someone who she hasn’t been with.” 

“Maybe you’re just jealous,” Andy snaps at him. 

“Of what?” Robert spits back immediately, which has Aaron biting back a smile. “Trust me, I don’t want anything to do with her.”

“Don’t want anything to do with any girls lately, Rob,” Andy points out. 

Aaron can feel Robert squirm beside him at that and he reaches down and gives his knee a quick squeeze to settle him. It’s times like these that he wishes he could just blurt it out that they’re together, shut them all up. It’s also times like these that he realizes just why Robert is so afraid of Andy finding out. 

“You have been single since you showed up, haven’t you?” Ryan teases him. 

“Yeah, even Aaron dated our Victoria,” Andy adds. 

“Which you hated me for,” Aaron mutters under his breath. Only Adam seems to hear and he gets a whispered, ‘You did?’ in his ear. 

“What’s the matter Rob? You lost your touch?” Andy jabs at him and Aaron can tell that Robert is massively uncomfortable now, his knee jiggering under the table, no matter how much his hand tries to settle it. Eventually, Robert knocks it away entirely. 

“You know, I don’t think-” Adam starts but Andy cuts him off with another insult and Aaron wishes he knew what he was going to say. He just looks confused when he glances over at him. 

“You know, Rob,” Ryan says, nodding at the girls’ table again, “I think that brunette has been eying you the entire night. Maybe you should try your luck.” 

“Yeah, let’s see the great Robert Sugden in action,” Andy encourages him. 

“Wouldn’t want to show you up Andy,” Robert says and he won’t even meet Aaron’s eye. 

It’s like he knows he’s getting angrier and angrier by the second. Aaron just wishes they were back in London, back on that flipping ferris wheel, looking out over the city, a place where they didn’t have to hide the fact that they were together. He tries again to get Robert’s attention but he looks like he’s actually considering going over there and chatting this girl up. It feels like Holly all over again, except that he gets it now and he knows he’s not really serious about it. That doesn’t stop it from pissing him off though. He just needs to get out of here for a moment, have a breather. 

“I’m gonna go have a smoke,” he announces and they all turn to stare at him. 

“I thought you quit?” Robert says and he did. He doesn’t even have any with him but he’s sure he could bum one off someone else outside if he really wanted one. 

“Well, maybe I started again,” Aaron snaps a bit at him, fed up with the situation.

\---

Aaron slips outside, the night air cooler than it has been lately and a light mist starting to fall. He pulls up his hood and checks around to see if anyone is about. There’s no one, no one to even get a cigarette off of if he actually wanted one. He settles for leaning against the wall outside the bar instead, trying to psych himself up to go back in there, hoping he doesn’t return to Robert cozying up to that girl all for the sake of showing off for his brother. Just thinking about it is making his blood boil. Turning on his heel, he punches the wall, feeling the skin on his knuckles split open. 

“Ahh!” he cries out, cradling his hand close to his chest. 

It stings and it’s already bleeding. He pulls the end of his sleeve over his fist and lets the dark fabric soak up the blood. The pain gives him something else to focus on though, calms him down just a bit. He just feels exhausted, trying to keep it all together, especially since they got back from London. Paddy was on him the moment he walked in the door after Robert dropped him off, asking how it went, if there were any altercations he should know about, if they’d gotten up to any trouble. His mum was worse, coming round for tea, wanting to know every detail. He’d told them about all of the touristy things they did, said they went out to a few bars. He half wanted to tell them about sucking Robert off in the shower that morning just to shut them up going on about it all. He just wishes he could bring himself to tell them, but he can’t. He can’t do it. 

“You alright?” he hears and he half expects Robert but it’s Adam who’s walking up to him instead. “How’d you hurt your hand?” 

He realizes there are tears in his eyes and he blinks them back, willing them not to fall. That’s the last thing he wants a new mate to see. “I’m fine,” he huffs. 

Adam studies him for a moment and nods his head like he’s made some sort of discovery. “Do that lot not know then?” Adam asks him. 

“You what?” Aaron snaps, suddenly on guard. He squares his shoulders to Adam and drops his fists to his side, ready for a fight if he needs to be. 

“About you a Robert?” Adam says so casually it throws him off completely. 

Aaron’s panicking, trying not to show it but he’s sweating even out in the cold night, feels wave after wave wash over him and he’s sure Adam can see it all. “Don’t know what you’re on about mate,” Aaron says, maintaining his defensive stance. He’s had such a long day, he can’t deal with this too. Adam can’t know, he can’t. He’s not ready. 

“No one knows do they?” Adam concludes. Aaron feels all the blood drain from his face, feels light headed all of a sudden. Reaching out, Adam grabs hold of his shoulders to keep him upright. “Aaron, mate, it’s fine with me. You and Robert being together.” 

Aaron’s eyes grow wide. If he opened them anymore, he’d be afraid his eyes would pop out of their sockets. He’s glad Adam’s not decking for it or something but he doesn’t understand how he knows. They’ve been so careful. “How did-I thought we were-fuck-this is such a mess!” He breaks free of Adam’s hold and slides down the wall, sitting on the pavement. 

Adam sits down next to him. “To be honest, I didn’t know you were even trying to hide it at first,” he says. “When you showed up at my house that first day, I just sort of assumed. It was like you guys were already married or summat, talking for each other, giving each other warning looks. And then there was the way you got jealous when he was being an idiot and flirting with my sister. That, and I saw you snogging each other’s faces off around the side of the pub once.” 

“You what?” Aaron says with alarm, sitting up straight. His head still feels fuzzy though so he leans back again. 

“No one else saw,” Adam assures him. “Don’t worry.” 

Aaron buries his head in his hands, his knuckles still stinging as he flexes his fingers and they brushes against the fabric of his hoodie. He’s having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Adam has always known, that he still wanted to be mates with him, that him being with Robert didn’t matter. If Adam had seen them kissing though, has anyone else? If his family had, he would have known. They probably would have had a Dingle family meeting about it, disowned him properly or summat. Anyone else would have spread it through the village gossip mill for sure. Maybe Adam was right and no one else saw. He hopes that he’s right. He needs it to stay that way. 

“You can’t tell anyone, alright!” He turns toward him, pleading. “No one knows, okay.” 

“I won’t. I promise,” Adam tells him. “I just want you to know that it’s alright with me though.” 

“Yeah?” Aaron hears himself ask and he knows he sounds needy. 

“Yeah you daft lad, come here,” Adam says, throwing his arm around him and pulling him into a side hug. 

He lets his head rest on Adam’s shoulder for a moment before shrugging out of the embrace entirely, getting worked up about the whole night all over again, now that the immediate panic has subsided. “It was supposed to just be us tonight,” he confides in Adam. “Then Andy had to go and invite himself along.”

“Well, then, what do you say we go save Robert before Andy and Ryan have him married off to that girl?” Adam jokes. 

“Wouldn’t put it past them,” Aaron mutters, “but yeah, I guess we’d better.” 

Adam stands and puts out a hand to help him up. He has to use his left hand, which is awkward but eventually he’s back on his feet. At first, he doesn’t move, dreading going back in there, but Adam’s got his hands on his shoulders, nudging him back toward the door slowly, telling him they’ll sort it. He’s still struggling with Adam knowing, but he thinks he’s glad he does. He feels lighter somehow and it’s a good feeling. 

\---

Robert stands in the doorway, watching Andy drive off with Sarah, looking rough. He’s glad he has the hangover from hell after all he put him through last night, all but pushing that girl at him. After Aaron had run out on him and Adam gone after him much to his dismay, Andy and Ryan had sensed his reluctance and like hunters spotting their prey, they pounced, seizing the opportunity to embarrass him. His brother sent Ryan over to talk to the girl, her name was Zoe apparently. Andy had shoved a glass of wine in his hand and sent him over there. 

She was fit, he had to give her that and he might have been interested if the only thing he wanted to do that night wasn’t to kiss his boyfriend until his lips were numb. He gave her the wine, told her his mates were just being idiots and when Aaron walked back in with Adam, looking like hell, he’d nodded toward him and whispered in her ear that she wasn’t exactly his type. She looked surprised for a moment, then disappointed and then kissed him on the cheek and told him Aaron looked pretty fit, but better if he smiled. He told her he agreed and left it at that, walking back to the table and doing his best to ignore Andy and Ryan’s teasing the rest of the night. He was doing better than both of them in the dating department anyway, even if they didn’t know it. 

It’s only a few minutes after Andy leaves that there’s a knock on the door and he opens it up to find Aaron standing there. He looks a bit worse for wear too and he supposes they all do. It’s his bandaged hand that draws his attention though. He’d seen it last night but he hadn’t been able to get much out of him about it and now that he’s seeing it again, he needs to know. It could wait for a second though. He leans in and kisses him, grateful that Aaron’s letting him after the debacle that was last night. 

“Want a brew?” he asks when they break apart. 

“Yeah, go on,” Aaron nods. 

Once they’re settled at the table, mugs in hand, he can’t hold back anymore. “Aaron, I’m sorry about last night. I just-I didn’t know what to do, but you know I didn’t care about that girl right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Aaron assures him and Robert lets himself breathe a sigh of relief. 

“You gonna tell me what happened to your hand then?” he asks. 

“Punched a wall,” Aaron admits, looking down at it sadly. “Paddy thinks I’ve been scrapping again, thinks I got into a bar fight or summat. Gave me another long lecture this morning over breakfast.”

“Aaron I-this is all my fault.” Robert feels horrible. All that with Andy and Zoe was the last thing Aaron needed yesterday. He’s just made everything worse. 

“It’s not your fault,” Aaron tells him. “It’s the situation, innit? I was just frustrated. It’s not like it’s just you that wants to keep this quiet. I’m right there with you...although…”

“Although what? You want to tell people?”

“No!” Aaron exclaims. “But...someone might already know. Adam.” 

“You told Adam?” Robert shouts, rising up from his chair to tower over Aaron. The anger only lasts for a second before it transforms into fear and he slumps back into his seat. 

“I didn’t tell him. He just knew,” Aaron says. “Said he knew from the start. Basically called us an old married couple.” 

Aaron’s laughing but Robert’s not sure he can find it funny. He knows Adam is mates with Victoria and he talks farming with Andy sometimes in the pub. The fact that he knows could ruin everything. He feels like he might be sick and it’s not just the hangover. Standing up on shaking legs, he rushes over to the sink just in case, hovering over it, hands gripping the worktop. Aaron comes up behind him, wraps his arms around his waist and rests his head on his back. He leans into the embrace a bit, trying to take some of Aaron’s strength. 

“He won’t say anything,” Aaron assures him. “He promised.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“Yeah,” he says and he sounds sure and Robert tries to hold onto that. Aaron turns him around to face him so his back is resting against the sink. Going up on his tiptoes, he presses his lips against Robert’s, sucking on his bottom lip for a second before rocking back on the balls of his feet. “So, do we actually have to do any work or…”

“I could give you a proper tour first, show you my room and all that?” Robert winks at him. 

“I think I’d like to see that,” Aaron grins and lets Robert guide him through the house and up the stairs.

\---

They manage to get a little work done eventually just to say they were somewhat productive in case Andy checks. Robert assures Aaron that he will. Still, they mostly take it easy which he’s sure will come back to bite him at a later date. Aaron helps him muck out one of the barns and sort out and store the new feed order that’s just been delivered. He watches in awe as Aaron calms down one of the new calves that lost its mother and gets him to feed from a bottle. Andy usually does it because he’s rubbish with animals but Aaron’s a natural, not that that surprises him considering the way he is with Clyde. The rest of the morning they spend working on one of the tractors that’s been playing up. Robert reckons Aaron’s pretty much better at every task than he is. He’s never been suited for work on the farm. With this new contract, he hopes they can start making some real money so they can hire more workers and he can stick to more administrative duties. It’s what he’s good at. 

As the tractor engine finally roars to life properly, Robert decides it’s time for a tea break, reckons they’ve earned it. It takes them forever to make it to the kettle though, spending far too long getting each other out of their overalls, practically going for round two before they even get into the house. By the time they settle on the sofa with their mugs of tea, Robert is all worked up again. He sets his down on the coffee table and Aaron does the same, sensing his mood. A second later and they’re kissing again, more than making up for missed opportunities last night. 

Robert pulls Aaron into him, first by the fistfuls of his hoodie and then he’s grabbing at his hips and shifting him over his lap, their mouths never detaching for long. They both stink of the farm but he doesn’t really care, thinks maybe they’ll go for a shower together later if they have the time. For now, he’s content, sucking at Aaron’s tongue, his lips, working his hand inside his joggers to stroke him through his boxers, feeling the vibrations of Aaron’s moans shuddering through both of their bodies. 

They’re too wrapped up in each other to hear the door open and close, Robert too focused on Aaron’s tongue pushing against his own, Aaron’s fingers slipping underneath his t-shirt, the way Aaron is hardening against his palm. It’s not until they hear her bag drop on the floor, the gasp escaping her lips that they notice and then they’re pushing away from each other. Aaron slides off of him onto the other end of the sofa, his face bright red, eyes wide with a shock of his own. Robert pulls his t-shirt down from where Aaron had hitched it up and instinctively wipes the back of his hand across his mouth like he’s trying to get rid of the evidence, which of course is ridiculous. He can hardly even look at his sister, let alone form a coherent thought to put into words. 

Even with his head hanging down in shame though, he can see her jaw hanging open, her eyes wide in that way of hers where she can look both shocked and incredulous that she doesn’t know something at the same time. She’s not saying a word, just standing there staring at them and it’s making Robert feel like time has stopped, like this is the moment where everything will change. Hearing that Adam knew was one thing. He’s practically some random in the grand scheme of things but this is his sister, the one person who has never turned her back on him. His body tenses as he braces himself for her rejection. 

Then all of a sudden he’s hearing Aaron’s voice and it sounds like it’s coming from the next room and not from just beside him. “Vic,” he’s saying and Robert can hear his voice wavering. “We uh, we were just taking a tea break and-”

“And was the tea down my brother’s throat?” Vic’s voice snaps Robert back into focus. He can’t tell if she sounds upset or not. “Since when were you two gay?” she asks. 

“I’m not,” Robert says immediately and it’s instinct at this point, denying it. Not that he is gay anyway. Still, he sees Aaron cringe beside him like he’s ready for him to deny everything, deny him and god does he want to for so many reasons but it’s not like he really can considering how she caught them. He doesn’t want to deny what Aaron means to him either, can’t do that to him, not after everything they’ve been through. “I-uh-I’m…” he pauses. He’s not even said the word out loud before, barely even to himself but he knows what he is. “I’m bisexual,” he finally manages and he sees a hint of a smile ghost across Aaron’s still panicked face. 

Victoria nods at him, taking it in but she still looks just as shocked and then it’s Aaron she’s turning to and Robert deflates a little, like his big, monumental admission is going unnoticed. “It’s not-it’s not because of me right?” she asks him. “Like it wasn’t so bad that…”

“No!” Aaron assures her quickly and Robert’s head is spinning even more. He’s always tried to block out the fact that his boyfriend had slept with his little sister and this is not helping. “No, course not,” Aaron adds for extra emphasis and he can hear the nervous tremor in his voice, wants to comfort him even as he’s losing it himself. 

Vic is silent again and Robert can’t take much more of it. She’s not saying anything bad but he needs to know where he stands with her, if she’s going to be okay with any of it. “Well?” he blurts out finally. 

“Well what?” she asks like it’s a ridiculous question. “I’m very happy for both of yous!” 

“You are?” Robert asks her, not quite comprehending. He’d thought so much about Andy finding out, whether he’d respond the way that Jack did that he never gave too much thought to Vic finding out, but he still never thought this would be her reaction. He expected something more dramatic to match the nerves he still feels. 

She throws up her hands like she’s already exasperated with him. “You deserve to be happy, idiots!” she says, matter of factly. “And you obviously are even if you might need to remind your faces of that. Now, I’m going to the caf for my dinner because seeing anymore of that-” she gestures at the two of them, “will put me well off of food...for weeks! See yas!” 

She leaves them to it, scooping up her school bag and heading back the way she came, the door slamming behind her. They’re alone again and Robert’s not even sure what to do. None of that matched his expectations of what coming out would be like, not that it had been his decision in the end, though maybe that was for the best. His sister knew the truth and she didn’t just not care, she was happy for him. 

“You okay?” Aaron asks him, hand resting on his thigh. 

“I guess so,” Robert says, still waiting for the shock to wear off. “Are you?” 

“I suppose I have to be,” Aaron sighs. “Do you think she’s gonna-”

“Say anything?” Robert finishes for him. “I don’t know. I’ll talk to her when she gets home.” 

Aaron nods and Robert knows he’s thinking about what it would be like if his family found out. He thinks Paddy would be alright with it. Chas would probably make it about her somehow, he’s sure of that. The rest of them, he doesn’t know, but he’s glad he doesn’t have Cain as an uncle and for once he’s glad he only has a small family. 

“So,” Aaron starts as he watches him sink back into the cushions of the sofa. “Should we get back to work, you know before Andy comes back too?”

Robert doesn’t even want to think what would happen if Andy caught them the way Vic did but he knows Andy won’t be back until at least tea time, wanting to make the most of the time with his daughter. He wants to make the most of his time with Aaron too, while they have the house to themselves again. Just because Vic and Adam know, doesn’t mean they won’t still be sneaking about, seizing any opportunity for a stolen moment. He doesn’t want to waste this one. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t think I’m quite finished with you yet. If you’re still up for it.” 

Aaron grins at him, “Might need some help with that.”

“Hmm,” Robert hums, leaning over to capture Aaron’s lips with his again. “Besides, we haven’t finished our tea yet.” 

Aaron glances at their completely full mugs of cold tea that are still sitting on the coffee table. “Haven’t started our tea yet,” he points out. 

Robert unzips Aaron’s hoodie and mumbles against his lips, “Exactly!”


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is nervous with Victoria knowing about him and Aaron and has a chat with her. Aaron stresses about what to do for Robert's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter down and just over 8k words to write for nanowrimo. As always, I very much appreciate your comments!

April 2010

The steps creak as Robert slinks down the stairs, pausing at the door and listening. He hadn’t gotten a chance to get Vic alone to talk yesterday once Andy came back with Sarah and announced she was spending the night. It had become all about spoiling their little houseguest and that was fine with him because it took the pressure off. Although Andy seemed perplexed that he was suddenly so interested in his niece. Easing the door open, he pokes his head out into the sitting room and hears voices in the kitchen, Andy’s and Sarah’s and Vic’s and Debbie’s. He waits out of sight. 

“Thanks for taking her last night,” Debbie says. 

“It’s no problem,” Andy tells her. “We had fun yesterday, didn’t we Sarah?” 

Robert listens to his niece chatter on, mostly unintelligible from where he’s hiding out. 

“Anytime you need a hand, I’m always happy to have her, you know that,” Andy says. 

Whatever issues he and Andy have, Robert’s glad he’s back on good terms with Debbie and getting to see his daughter more often. She was threatening to move to Jersey last month but Andy had persuaded her to stay for now, adamant that she not take Sarah away from him. He hears them leave and then it’s just Andy and Vic, the sounds of breakfast being made drifting to his ears. His feet feel frozen to their spot on the floor even though he knows he should just go in there but he feels some twisted need to see if his sister is going to betray him by blurting out his biggest secret to Andy. 

“He goes from being a walking zombie who barely sleeps to oversleeping and wasting half the morning,” Andy is muttering as Robert hears him move the kettle off the the stove. 

“Who? Rob?” Vic asks. 

“Well you don’t see him in here, ready for work do ya?” Andy says. “Look, when he does finally make an appearance, tell him to hurry up and come help me.” 

“Whatever,” Vic replies and then he’s hearing the door open and close again and he thinks maybe the coast is clear. 

After a few more minutes just to be sure, he slips into the kitchen to find Vic stirring milk into her tea. It takes her a moment to look him and see him standing there awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. Even though he knows she knows, it still feels like a challenge to bring it up himself but he needs to make sure that she’ll keep her mouth shut. 

“Vic,” he says, his voice so quiet he’s not sure she actually hears him. 

“Andy’s looking for you, you know,” she tells him. 

“Yeah, I know,” he sighs. 

“What were you earwigging or summat? Why?” She sets her cup down on the table and has her hands on her hips, studying him and he shrinks a bit under her scrutiny. 

“I just-well-I mean you’re not gonna say anything right? To Andy or anyone else for that matter? About me-well me and Aaron?” He sounds like a right idiot, stumbling over his words. 

Her expression goes soft when she realizes what he’s asking and she pulls out a chair for him, pouring him a cup of tea as well and setting it in front of him once he’s reluctantly sat down. She takes the seat beside him and again he’s just waiting for her to say something, anything. Yesterday, she seemed fine with everything but he wonders if maybe she’s changed her mind, if suddenly it’s not okay. 

“What did you think I was going to tell Andy this morning?” she asks. “I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.” 

Robert sucks in a deep breath, taking in her words, trying to dissect them for some kind of hidden meaning but he knows Vic’s not like that. “It’s just, no one else knows and well-well we’re not quite ready for that.” 

“Then I won’t tell anyone,” she agrees. “But I am alright with it, you know that right?” 

“Yeah,” he says, staring down at his tea, watching the steam rise up in little tendrils. It still feels like he’s trying not to get his hopes up somehow. 

“I mean, it’s weird that it’s Aaron,” Vic continues. “You know just cause we-”

“Please don’t remind me!” Robert groans, 

Vic laughs at his obvious discomfort. “Well it’s not like you have anything to worry about on that score. I knew he was way too eager. Kept saying how he just wanted to get it over with! Now I know why!” 

Robert’s grimace falls to a frown, his heart aching for Aaron back then. They don’t talk about it as much as they probably should but he just imagines him so desperate not to give in, so desperate to be straight because he thought his monster of a dad had made him gay. He thinks he’s starting to work past that line of thinking at least and he’s hopeful the support group will help with some of the rest. 

“Just make sure you keep it to yourself for now,” he tells her one last time and finally takes a gulp of his tea. He should make himself coffee instead. Andy may believe that he overslept but actually he hardly slept at all, worrying. 

“My lips are sealed!” she says, drawing an imaginary zipper across her mouth and locking it tight. 

“Cheers Vic,” he thanks her. “Guess I better get out there before Andy comes looking for me again.” The last thing he wants is for him to get suspicious that anything has changed. 

\---

Aaron’s sat with Adam in the cafe, monopolizing the computer, scrolling through endless lists of restaurants and things to do in Hotten and Leeds. Robert’s birthday is only a few days away now and he still hasn’t decided what he’s going to do for it even though he’d told Robert that he would sort it. He’s not sure why though, he’s rubbish at all of this. At this rate, it’s going to end up being the worst birthday ever. 

“Mate, she’s doing it again,” Adam taps him on the shoulder and nods towards the other side of the caf. 

He doesn’t even need to look. His mum has been sat there with Carl for the past hour and she just keeps smiling at him, trying to get his attention. When she came in and saw him with Adam instead of Robert, she had the biggest grin on her face like he’d finally listened to her and upgraded Robert for a better model. If only she knew what was really going on. Even with Adam and now Vic knowing too, he still can’t wrap his head around the idea of telling her. He thinks that even if they were closer, if they had the sort of relationship a proper mother and son had, that he still wouldn’t want to tell her. If she rejected him over this, it would be the worst thing, even if they barely speak now. He doesn’t want to take the risk. 

“Okay, but why does she keep smiling at me?” Adam asks. 

“Because you’re not Robert. She hates him,” Aaron explains and Adam snorts. “Yeah, I know, but I don’t really care what she thinks.” That’s entirely untrue and he knows it but he can’t turn his back on Robert, he won’t. 

“So, anything looking good to you?” Adam gestures at the screen. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron sighs. “It’s just, nothing seems right, you know. Robert-he’s-he’s really been there for me lately and I just want his birthday to be perfect.” He keeps it vague; Adam doesn’t need to ever know the specifics, no one does. 

Another slap on his shoulder and Adam is grinning at him. “Look at you trying to stay in the boyfriend’s good books!” 

He says it too loud for Aaron’s comfort levels and then Vic chooses that exact moment to walk in and of course she hears, not that it matters since she already knows, but her eyes bug out anyway as she makes a beeline for them. Adam clams up immediately but it’s too late. 

“Wait! He knows?” she exclaims, pointing at Adam. 

“She knows?” Adam turns Aaron back towards him. “I thought you said no one else knew?”

“Will you two keep it down!” he hisses at them both, glancing over his shoulder at Chas who thankfully still seems oblivious, caught up for a moment in a conversation with Carl. For once, Aaron’s actually glad of his presence. 

They both look at him with guilty faces and echo their ‘sorries’ at him. He really hopes Robert had that chance to talk with Vic about not telling anyone else because with outbursts like that, he’s panicking already. Grabbing a chair, Vic pulls it up beside them and sits down, peering over his shoulder at the screen. He’s got a list of the top ten restaurants in Leeds up but he clicks it closed. It’s not like he can afford half of those places and anyway, neither of them are really into all of that fancy food. Well, he’s seen Robert eyeing up some of Marlon’s more imaginative creations on the menu before but he’d never give him the satisfaction of actually ordering them. Still, he’d rather them be comfortable, whatever they do. 

“So what are you two up to then?” Vic asks, frowning at the way he’s closing more windows. “What about my brother?” 

“He’s trying to come up with some brilliant plan to spoil him for his birthday,” Adam explains. “You know, I hope you’re putting this much effort into my birthday, which by the way is the day before his.” 

“Eighteen right?” Vic asks, perking up a bit and Aaron shakes his head at her. 

It’s his turn to look guilty though as he turns to Adam. “Mate I-” 

“It’s alright,” Adam gives him a light punch on the shoulder. “You can make it up to me by buying me a pint at the Woolie and getting me that date with Scarlett.” 

Aaron sees Vic’s face drop out of the corner of his eye. He feels a bit bad because it always seems to be Scarlett with her, first with Daz and now with Adam. “I’m just gonna go put in my order,” she says quickly and gets up. 

“What was that all about?” Adam asks. 

“You do know she fancies ya, right?” Aaron nods at Vic. 

“What? No!” Adam gasps, raising his eyebrows as he peers around him to watch Vic up at the counter. 

Aaron laughs. “You’re perceptive enough to know that me and Robert were together from the start but you can’t figure out when a girl likes ya? You do need a wingman, mate!” 

“Shut up!” Adam pushes at him playfully. They both quiet immediately though when Vic comes back and she huffs at the two of them. Adam squirms a bit in his seat but points back at the computer. “Right, so, we should get back to these plans then.” 

\---

“Cheers,” Aaron says and hangs up, sliding his phone into his pocket as he pushes his way into the pub. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders as the last of his plans for Robert’s birthday have finally been sorted out. It’s a good thing too considering it’s tomorrow. He knows he was cutting it close but he’s been busy, working extra shifts at the garage to pay for it. Desperation even sent him to Paddy, asking if he could do a few hours in the surgery for him to make a bit of extra cash, which of course had only made him suspicious. He’d spent half the time grilling him about what he needed the money for. In the end, he’d settled for a version of the truth, saying he was skint and he was going out with Robert for his birthday and it would be rude not to buy him a drink or two. 

Just now though, he’d promised to buy Adam a drink, so he settles himself in at the bar to wait for him to show. The pub is busy tonight, Bob and Diane both behind the bar serving. His mum tries to wave at him from where she’s sat with Carl, Jimmy, Nicola and Scarlett, but he does his best to ignore her. Of course, Paddy is there too, chatting with Marlon over the bar even as Diane is shouting at him to get back in the kitchen. When he disappears, Zak and Shadrach take his place, trying to con Paddy into buying them a drink or several probably. Aaron’s sure he’ll give in eventually. 

“What can I get for you, pet?” Diane asks when she finally makes it over to him. 

“Pint and a packet of prawn and cocktail crisps,” Aaron tells her.

“On a real health kick there I see,” she jokes and goes to pull his pint. 

Aaron just makes a face at her and shrugs. “Oh and a pint for Adam when he gets here,” he adds. 

“Oh right, eighteen today, isn’t he,” Diane smiles as she slides his pint across the bar and goes to get his crisps. 

Laughter spills into the pub from the doorway and Aaron turns around in his seat to see the Bartons filing in, all five of them. John has his arm around Moira and Hannah and Holly are teasing Adam who has that wide, dopey grin of his on his face. He feels a pang of jealousy watching them all, the way John slaps Adam on the back with a smile, saying something or other about being proud of him, the way Moira looks on with warmth in in her eyes. Technically, Aaron has family scattered all over this pub but he’s never been like that with any of them and when he’s reminded of that, when he sees what he might have had, it always hurts. 

He doesn’t have time to wallow in the loss though because Adam is joining him at the bar, all smiles, telling them all that no, it’s Aaron that’s going buy him his first legal pint because he promised. Still, he can’t help himself but lean back out of their circle and just observe as John warns him not to go overboard and Holly points out Scarlett with all the subtlety of a brick. Adam’s cheeks go bright red at that. 

“Well Aaron,” Moira cuts in, in her heavy Scottish lilt, dragging him into it all anyway. “You’re welcome to join us if you’d like. Any mate of Adam’s and all that.” 

“Mum! Stop embarrassing yourself!” Adam tells her, laughing. 

“Aww she’s just happy you actually have a mate at all Adam!” Holly teases him more. 

“Ha ha,” Adam tries to brush her off. 

“Alright,” John takes control, “You get your pint, we’ll all be over there.” He corrals the rest of them together and leads them over to one of the booths at the far end of the pub. 

Diane’s there quick with his drink once Adam takes the seat next to him. “Many happy returns,” she says. 

“Cheers Diane!” Adam flashes her a bright smile and picks up the glass, taking a long sip, closing his eyes to savour it.

“You’d think you’d never had a pint before,” Aaron ribs him. 

“Course I haven’t,” Adam winks back. 

They’re onto their second pints, which John paid for, before Aaron finally gets fed up with Adam’s constant glances at Scarlett. It makes him feel quite thankful that he has Robert, that he doesn’t have to go through the bother of trying to ask anyone out. He was pitiful enough at it with Victoria. The thought of going out to a bar or somewhere and actually being on the pull just sounds way too stressful, not that the way he and Robert got together wasn’t stressful but at least he doesn’t have to worry about it now. 

“Are you ever going to actually ask her out or what?” Aaron asks. “Cause if I have to watch you look over there one more time-”

“You were supposed to formally introduce us don’t forget,” Adam reminds him. 

“Yeah well, there’s no way I’m going over there now with my mum sitting right there, not to mention Carl,” Aaron says. He’s successfully avoided any interaction with Carl King for weeks now and he’s perfectly fine to keep it that way. 

The door to the pub opens again and Victoria walks in with Robert and Andy flanking her. It’s been two days since he’s seen Robert since he’s been so busy working extra hours. Even if they have talked every day, it still makes his breath hitch in his throat a bit to see him. He’s got a maroon jumper on underneath a brown leather jacket that he hasn’t seen before but he likes it. Aaron can tell he looks tired though, which he knows is his fault. He’d had another nightmare last night, a bad one, and had called him at four in the morning. Robert had talked him down for half an hour before they’d both fallen asleep still on the phone. He’d said he hadn’t minded, but Aaron hates seeing him look worse for it. It’s why he wants tomorrow to go perfectly and he certainly won’t be calling him tonight, no matter what. 

Beside him, Adam turns to see them too and Aaron drags his eyes away from Robert to give a nudge to his mate, “You could always just ask Vic out.” 

“You really think she fancies me?” Adam half whispers. 

“Well you know how you thought Robert didn’t like you at first?” Aaron asks and Adam nods. “Well it’s cause all he heard was Vic going on about you all day long.” He leaves out the part where Robert was jealous that maybe he had a thing for Adam as well. That’s not exactly something he feels like sharing. 

“Really?” Adam sits up straight, taking a sip of his pint before setting it back down as the Sugdens walk over. “Hiya Vic!”

Aaron shakes his head as Adam grins at her and watches her eyes light up at the attention. He hopes he’s pushed just enough because he actually thinks they’d be well suited for each other if they gave it a chance. Robert seems to take note as well, giving him an uneasy look but Aaron just shrugs. He knows he’s just worried because she’s his little sister but Adam seems like a decent bloke. When he leans against the bar beside him, he tries to give him a reassuring nudge with his shoulder but Robert leans away from it, glancing back at Andy and Aaron wonders what’s happened between them now to put him so on edge. 

Diane whirls past them to deliver an order but passes it off to Bob in an impressive relay when she spots them. “Oh hello!” she greets them. “What can I get for you?”

“Just here for our tea, Diane,” Andy tells her, looking about for an open table.

“Right then, I’ll bring you over some menus,” Diane says and then turns to her other stepson. “Robert, any big plans for tomorrow?” 

Robert’s tired eyes snap up at her and Aaron finds himself cringing before he even speaks. “Oh so you remembered this year,” he snaps. 

Aaron just cringes more, not because of the comment but because he’s remembering Robert’s birthday last year, how he was sat there, all alone at the bar, arguing with Diane and then Katie too. He thinks that was the first time he really took notice of Robert as more than just Vic’s older brother, the lesser of two evils. He’d felt sorry for him but he also felt like he understood him in a way that no one else did. Of course he also remembers Robert getting annoyed with him because he was eating his crisps too loudly. He can picture him, grinding his teeth, jaw sharp, and glaring at him. Looking down, he realizes he’s got the same flavor of crisps in front of him now and he holds up the bag, giving it a crinkle to catch Robert’s attention. It does the trick and he manages to pull him out of his mood for a second, earning himself a smile. 

“I’m so sorry, pet,” Diane tries to apologize much like she did that day. 

Robert opens his mouth to speak again but Andy cuts him off. “Don’t be a prat Rob!” 

“Oh right, cause you remembered and all!” He’s sulking again and Aaron’s trying to work out a way to get him alone in the men’s bogs or something so maybe he can cheer him up. 

Vic throws her arms up, a familiar gesture when she’s with the two of them. “Can we please just try and have a nice time!” Sighing heavily, clearly exasperated with them, she turns to Adam and her forced smile turns into a genuine one. “And happy birthday Adam.”

“Cheers Vic!” Adam raises his glass to her as Andy slopes off to grab the table that Pearl and Betty have just vacated. When Vic and Robert have gone to join him, Adam leans over and asks him, “Do those two ever get along?” 

“Not really,” Aaron sighs, wishing for Robert’s sake that they did, and Vic’s too. He’s tried to understand all the intricacies of their relationship before but mostly he figures it’s best to just always take Robert’s side until he can sort out something more constructive to say. 

“So, did you get all of his birthday plans sorted out then?” Adam asks. “Because something tells me he’s going to need cheering up.” 

Aaron gazes over at Robert, watching him stare at his menu with a frustrated intensity, knowing he’s on a hair trigger and close to snapping again at any moment. Adam’s right, he will need cheering up tomorrow. “Yep,” he says. “All sorted. 

\---

It looks like a tornado has torn through his room when Robert looks around at the mess, dresser drawers open, closet doors flung back, clothes strewn all across his bed. He holds up a tie to his neck, decides it doesn’t go and picks up another one, throwing the other one back into a half open drawer. If he knew what Aaron was actually planning for tonight, this would go a whole lot easier but he stubbornly refused to tell him no matter how many texts he sent fishing for information. Even calling him didn’t seem to do the trick, his charm lost on Aaron, not that it ever really worked on him. 

He’s also missing his dark blue jumper, the comfy one with the elbow patches that Aaron hates but also secretly loves he suspects. It was in his closet this morning when he was getting dressed to go put in a few hours of work at Andy’s insistence since he knew he’d be useless tomorrow. He was sure of that but now it’s nowhere to be found, not that he’d even want to wear it for a night out. Again, he’s groaning in frustration because he doesn’t even know if he should be trying this hard. Aaron’s hardly one to go over the top on things. He’d probably be fine in a t-shirt or that missing jumper but he wants to impress him too. 

“Wardrobe crisis?” Vic asks as she pokes her head into his room.

“Something like that,” he sighs, tossing the tie he has in his hand at her as she comes in and plops down on his bed, shoving some of his clothes aside. 

Turning back to the mirror, he examines the rest of his outfit. He’s wearing the jeans that Aaron likes, not that he’ll properly admit it but he’s seen him checking him out in them. On top he’s wearing a white button down, not a flower in sight for Aaron to mock, and he’s got a maroon blazer on that he’s still not entirely sure about. He picks up one last tie and looks at it, holding it up against the jacket. 

“Robert?” Vic says quietly and he swivels his head around over his shoulder to look at her. She looks a bit apprehensive and it’s making him uneasy in turn. “So, not that I mind keeping quiet, although you could have told me that Adam knew, but...why are you?” 

He throws down the latest tie on the pile with the others, shrugging in her direction. She wouldn’t understand. He likes that she knows now, that he doesn’t have to hide around her. It was getting exhausting and she reacted better than he ever could have hoped. Still, the idea of Andy finding out terrifies him. No matter how much he tries to convince himself that he might be okay with it since she is, it still sometimes feels like the ghost of his father is staring out through his brother’s eyes, ready to disapprove. If he did have a problem with him and Aaron, it’d be like his dad did too.

In the back of his mind, he knows it’s unfair of him to put that on Andy without even giving him a chance but he can’t help it. The two of them have just become so linked in his head that he can’t escape the thought. Even if that weren’t the case, he still compares himself to Andy in terms of what he thinks Jack would have to say about them. 

Andy may not have the girl on his arm anymore, but at least he’s still got prospects. Adele fancies him and Katie has been warming to him again recently which grates on him. They both run the farm but of course it’s Robert that has to go and make it about the money and Andy who just wants to do an honest day’s work on the land. Andy still has to drag him out every morning because he still hates every second of it. There’s Sarah too. Andy is a family man now. Then there’s him, running around with chavvy teenaged lad and falling hard for him. He can’t help but think about that day in the cemetery. He’d stood there and told his dad to fuck off, that he didn’t matter anymore but knows that what Jack thought of him, would think of him now still matters more than anything, even if he wishes it didn’t. 

“Considering how dressed up you’re getting for him, you obviously like him a lot,” Vic continues. “So why keep quiet about it?” 

“You don’t think it’s too much do you?” he asks, looking over himself in the mirror for the hundredth time, fussing with his hair. “I just wish I knew where he was taking me. Do you know?” He knows Aaron likes him in a suit but he’s not sure a suit or even a suit jacket is even appropriate. “Maybe I should just go with the leather jacket. He likes the leather jacket.” 

“You look great Rob,” Vic laughs. “Look at you all nervous!” 

“Shut up!” He frowns at the suit jacket again. It’s one of his favorites but he shrugs it off and picks up his leather jacket. “It’s not just about me,” he finally answers her question with at least some version of the truth. “It’s about Aaron too. He’s scared of what people will think, what his family will think. It’s not like he gets on with his mum now and he’s afraid that this will just be one more knock against him.” He might as well be talking about him and Andy. 

“Well that’s ridiculous,” Vic states plainly and she makes it sound so easy. 

“Yeah, maybe,” he sighs and gets to the heart of it, “but I get it. I mean…”

“What?” she says, picking up one of his ties and twirling it around her fingers. “It’s not like I’ve got a problem with it.” It’s reassuring but only so much. 

“But...Andy?”

“Andy what?” Robert gulps as Andy pokes his unwanted head into the room, and a cold shiver runs down his spine as he opens the door and steps inside. 

“Nothing,” he tries to brush him off, hoping he’ll go. The last thing he can handle right now is Andy being here, not with the discussion he’s in the middle of with Vic. It’s too much. 

“Look,” Andy says, his head dropping a bit before he lifts it to look at him properly. “I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, alright.”

“Well, now you have so…” Robert just wants to push him back out the door. His hands are shaking as he puts on the jacket just for something to do. 

“Rob!’ Vic scolds him, giving him a pointed look. 

The interruption gives Andy a chance to look around the room for a moment and Robert sees his eyes fall to the bed, all his clothes strewn about. None of it looks good. His heart is racing, palms sweating. He actually feels like he’s going to be sick. 

Andy laughs and the sound feels like knives digging into Robert’s skin, the prickle rolling over his whole body. “You look like you’re going on a date, mate!” his brother continues to chuckle. “Thought you were just going off out with Aaron for a few drinks in town?”

And there it is. Robert swallows hard, the comment hitting way too close to the truth for his comfort. He just wants to brush it off like the joke it’s supposed to be because this is banter for Andy. It’s hardly the first comment he’s made about him and Aaron like this and he knows it’s nothing, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Then he sees Vic’s eyes going wide and he sees the moment that Andy notices. Andy’s thick but apparently he’s not quite that stupid. The silence thickens between them as Andy looks back at the bed and then at Vic before swinging his gaze up to him, studying him. It’s excruciating. He just wants to get it over with, practically feeling Jack’s belt across his back again. 

“Look...Andy,” he finds his voice again, barely. It comes out hoarse and cracked and he’s trying desperately to form a sentence but he can’t do it and he falls back into their awkward silence, resigning himself to the rejection. 

“You and Aaron?” Andy finally says, his voice doing that high pitched thing it does when he’s shocked. Robert winces, just waiting. “I always knew there was something dodgy going on between you two, but I never-”

“Andy…” Robert tries again just to get him to stop talking for a moment but his throat feels like it’s closing up on him. 

Vic turns to Andy. “Look Andy,” she cuts in, bold and blunt as ever. “Aaron’s his boyfriend, end of.” The simple truth being laid bare like that makes him freeze, wishing lightning would just strike him down on the spot so he wouldn’t have to deal with the fall out. “They’ve been together for months now. If you’ve got a problem with it-”

“I haven’t!” Andy says quickly, too quickly and Rober’s sure he’s just trying to placate her or something before he really goes for the jugular. It’s what he would do. “But since when were you gay? All that with Katie?” 

Of course he would bring up flaming Katie at a time like this. It always comes back to her in the end with them. Robert’s glad he opted out of the tie now or he’s sure it would feel like he was being strangled right now. As it is, he still needs to lean up against the dresser for support, accidentally knocking one of the drawers closed with a bang. The sound makes him jump. 

“I’m not gay,” he says, sighing. He’s sure that’s what his dad thought, why he tried to beat it out of him, but that’s not him, never was. “I’m bisexual,” he says and it’s easier this time but only just. “I like both,” he explains in case it wasn’t obvious. “‘All that’ with Katie was still just me being a dick. Let’s not make anything more out of it than it was, shall we?” He wants to draw a line under it, he’s desperate to, even though he knows that it was more than that. He’s not about to tell them about about what Jack did to him though, especially not Vic. He never wants to ruin the image she has of their dad. Even he’s not that cruel. 

“Fine by me,” Andy agrees, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“So we’re all good then?” Vic interjects, assuming her usual role as peacemaker between them. He wishes she didn’t have to always play mediator. It’s hardly fair on her. 

“All good,” Andy parrots back to her. 

“Rob?” she asks him. 

His shoulders droop forward and he staggers away from the dresser and slumps down on the bed, shoving his clothes aside. He doesn’t even know how this happened. “Fine,” he sighs because it’s easier than fighting her. 

She puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, offering him a smile because she thinks everything is okay. It’s not but she gets up anyway. “If I leave you two, you’re not gonna like, kill each other or anything are you?” she asks, a teasing tone to her voice. “Rob spent a lot of time picking out that outfit and I’d hate to have him ruin it.” 

“No Vic,” Andy answers for both of them but it doesn’t make Robert feel like he can relax at all, his hackles still raised. 

Smiling at them, she leaves and then it’s just the two of them and Robert just sits there on the bed, staring at the carnage of his wardrobe, trying to avoid Andy’s critical gaze for a moment longer. He can feel him watching him though and it feels like he’s being studied under a microscope or something, like all of a sudden he’s this strange new specimen instead of the brother he’s always known. 

“Right, she’s gone now, say what you want to say,” Robert tells him, ready for it, at least he thinks so. 

“What do you mean?” Andy asks him and Robert risks a glance up to see him just looking confused, which only infuriates him. 

“What? No smart mouthed comment?” Robert asks. 

“I think you’ll find that’s more your style,” Andy says as he comes further into the room. Robert wishes he wouldn’t. He likes the distance, makes him feel safer. “You really thought I’d have a problem with this didn’t you?”

“What and you’re telling me you don’t?” Robert snaps at him, refusing to accept it. “All those jokes you’ve made about me and Aaron, having a ‘lover’s tiff’, calling him my boyfriend like it’s some sort of insult, pushing me at that girl in the bar the other night even though you had to have been able to tell that I had no interest. And you’re telling me you don’t have a problem with it?” 

Andy actually looks taken aback, looks ashamed for a minute. He sits down on the edge of the bed and Robert shifts back a bit, bringing his knees up to his chest to protect him from what’s coming. “Rob, I had no-why didn’t you just tell me to stick it if all that was bothering you so much? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?” 

“Oh so it’s my fault, is it?” Robert sniffs back a few tears. He’s absolutely not going to let Andy see him cry. 

“No! That’s not what I’m saying!” Andy raises his voice and then backs down again, fiddling with his hands in his lap. “I just don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell me.” 

“Because it’s complicated!” he shouts at him, wiping at his eyes and thinking of Jack like always, wishing he could just get him out of his head. He sucks in a deep breath and lets it go, trying to calm himself down. “And there’s Aaron. He’s not-he doesn’t want anyone to know.” 

Andy looks confused by that, like it’s even more baffling than him keeping it a secret. Of course it would be him leading Aaron astray and forcing him to stay in the closet. “Why not?” he asks. 

“He has his reason, and I had mine,” Robert tells him. 

“Well,” Andy starts and then stops, trying to get him to meet his eyes. He lets him try a few times before he relents. “I am okay with it, you know. And I’m-well I’m sorry if I upset ya with all that. I didn’t know.” 

The rational part of him knows that he didn’t but it hurts the same somehow, apology or not. His phone buzzes and he jumps again, trying to ignore the little smile that plays across Andy’s face like the fact that he’s spooked is hilarious. He pat’s his pockets but it’s not there. It must be on the bed somewhere but he can’t see it and he’s feeling around, pushing his clothes around to try and find it. It’s Andy that find it first, hidden underneath his blazer, which somehow only frustrates him more. 

Andy looks at the screen to see who it is and he sees the stupid picture of them on the London Eye pop up and he winces. He’d made it Aaron’s contact picture a couple days ago on a whim because he was missing him and now he wishes he hadn’t. Watching Andy look at the picture is killing him because he’s looking at it like he’s looking at stranger and somehow that hurts more than anything. 

“It’s uhh, it’s Aaron,” Andy says dumbly. 

“Obviously,” Robert snaps. “Well give it here.”

“Sorry,’ Andy says, handing it over. 

He almost doesn’t want to answer it in front of him but he wills himself to do it anyway. “Hiya,” he answers. 

“Took you long enough,” Aaron sasses him and Robert can’t seem to help himself but smile at the sound of his voice. It fades once he sees Andy watching him. “You ready?” 

“You going to tell me where we’re going yet?” Robert asks him. There’s still time to change. 

“No,” Aaron tells him and then he goes quiet a moment. “Don’t uhh-don’t set your expectations too high here.” 

Robert laughs, forgets Andy’s there for a second, “Oh what, you’re not whisking me away on a private jet to Paris or summat?” 

“Damn, well there goes the surprise,” Aaron deadpans. “But umm...seriously…” 

He can hear the insecurities flooding into Aaron’s voice and he hates that because the fact that Aaron is doing anything for his birthday means everything. It doesn’t matter what it is. “I’m sure it’ll be great,” he tells him and then feels his face flush when he looks up to see Andy still watching him, still looking at him like he’s never even met him. “I’ll be out in a bit.” 

“Right, oh, happy birthday!” Aaron says, his confidence coming back a bit. 

He hangs up, gathering his knees to his chest again and resting his chin on top, staring at Andy, challenging him to say anything. Andy doesn’t rise to the bait. Instead, he pushes himself up off the bed and heads toward the door.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then,” he says and then, “And Rob?”

“Yeah?” he looks up at him, hovering in the half open doorway. 

“Have a good time,” Andy tells him. “I mean it.” 

He tries to find a hidden meaning there but he can’t. “Thanks,” he says and he thinks he says it genuinely which feels strange. Everything feels off about Andy knowing but at least it’s out there, he doesn’t have to lie anymore. There’s a sense of freedom in that. “I’ll probably be back late,” he adds. 

Andy gives him a bit of a cheeky grin and Robert’s nervous again. “I won’t wait up then,” Andy jokes and it feels so ridiculously normal, like the brothers they should have been. Maybe they still can be.


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron takes Robert out for his birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluffy birthday chapter is here! Enjoy as I go write another two thousand words so I can finally get to 50k for the month. As always, comments are appreciated.

April 2010

The meter on the taxi is running and Aaron keeps checking between his phone and the door to the farmhouse, waiting for Robert to emerge. He’s not sure what the hold up is but if he doesn’t come out soon, he’s going to be helping to pay for his own birthday taxi. Paddy couldn’t understand why he was even splashing out on a taxi, kept asking if Robert Sugden was too good for the bus but he tried to ignore him as he got ready. He was mostly able to until he came back downstairs after getting changed and Paddy couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut about his outfit. 

“Is that a new jumper?” he had asked and Aaron had tried to control the flush in his cheeks at the comment. 

It is a new jumper but he didn’t want Paddy knowing that and he especially didn’t want him to know that he’d bought it just for tonight. He feels embarrassed enough about that. It’s dark red with some sort of completely unnecessary button detail on the right shoulder that he could do without but it is what it is. Paddy had teased him about branching out into a new color and he’s pretty sure his face turned the same color as the jumper. 

“Well you look smart,” Paddy had told him. “You two going out on the pull then?” He’d crossed his arms then in some sort of insane gesture, trying to be cool and failing miserably. 

“No!” he had protested, just wanting to get out of there. “I’ll be back late though,” he had lied, knowing he wouldn’t be back till morning but Paddy didn’t need to know that either, not yet anyway. 

He had escaped without too much more fanfare once the taxi had arrived and now he was just sitting here, waiting, tapping his fingertips against his thigh. Robert had said he was sure whatever he had planned would be great but he isn’t convinced. The present he has for him sits on the seat next to him, badly wrapped in polka dot paper because he forgot to get some and for some inexplicable reason, it was all Paddy had lying around. It looks like one of Robert’s shirts though, he supposes, so maybe he won’t think it’s that weird. He’s worried it’s a rubbish gift though. Everything is making him nervous and he half wants to sack off the whole thing but Robert’s been there so much for him and he just wants to give him a nice night. 

Finally, the door to the farmhouse opens and Robert emerges. From where he sits in the back of the taxi, he thinks Robert looks nervous too but when he gets closer, Aaron can see the dazed expression on his face, the way he keeps glancing back at the house. He unbuckles his seatbelt, tells the driver they’ll be off in a second and slides out of the car. When he sees him, Robert tries to crack a smile but he can tell it’s not one of his genuine ones and now he’s worried. 

“Hey?” he asks, easing up to him, keeping his distance a bit for pretense. That seems to make him look even more uneasy. “What is it?” 

His head drops, shoulders slouched. “Andy knows,” he says, quiet so he almost misses it. 

“What?” Aaron jolts, a spike of fear going through his veins. If Andy knows, how long before-it doesn’t bear thinking about. “Are you okay?” he tries instead, needing to know how it went. 

“Dunno,” Robert shrugs. “Didn’t go how I thought it would.” 

Aaron knows he expected a punch and for Andy to hate him, so he’s kind of okay with things not going the way he thought it would. “So how did it go then? How did he even-”

Robert takes a deep breath. “Couldn’t decide what to wear, could I? Had all my clothes spread out everywhere. Andy came in and made a joke about it looking like I was going on a date and well...Vic was there and everything shows on her face.”

“Shit,” Aaron curses, not sure how he’s supposed to respond. Now he’s looking toward the farmhouse, wondering if Andy is watching them, feeling exposed. “So...how did he take it then?” 

“Fine...I guess,” Robert says the words carefully. “He said he was fine with it anyway.” 

“You don’t believe him?” Aaron guesses. 

“It’s just strange,” he sighs. 

The taxi is idling beside him and Aaron knows the meter is still running but he wants to be here for him, the way he always is for him. “Do you-we don’t have to go if you’re not up to it.” 

“No, of course I want to go,” Robert sputters. 

“Good,” Aaron says, trying to keep his voice light. “You look great by the way, picked well.” 

“You’re giving me compliments?” Robert laughs and it sounds genuine. “I must look pitiful.” 

“Nah, it’s your birthday, innit. Have to be nice,” Aaron teases him. 

“You look great too,” Robert tells him. “New jumper?” 

“What? Am I not allowed to buy new clothes without the whole village noticing?” Aaron throws up his hands. 

“Well I like it,” Robert says. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Aaron asks, hating that he has to bring the mood down again, but he needs to make sure. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert says and turns to look back at the house one more time. “I guess at least I don’t have to lie when I’m here anymore. And…”

“And what?” Aaron asks, trying to gauge his expression but he can’t quite read it. 

“And I can do this,” Robert says and leans in, grabs him by the arms and kisses him. 

It takes Aaron by surprise at first and he’s just standing there stiff in his hands for a moment or two before his body eases up a bit. Robert’s hands drop down to his hips and he pulls him closer deepening the kiss for a second before they break apart, both breathless. They’re leaning against each other, foreheads pressed together. Lifting his hand, Aaron runs his fingers through Robert’s hair, no doubt messing up some carefully crafted style that he’ll complain about later. He shifts his face away from his a bit and takes in the wideness of his eyes, the way his mouth is hanging slightly open. Robert seems surprised he even did it but there seems like there’s a little wave of relief that shudders through him and Aaron’s envious of it for a moment before he pushes it down along with all of his other repressed feelings. 

“So are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?” Robert asks. 

“No,” he says but only because it’ll probably just disappoint him. “You’ll have to get in the car if you want to find out.” 

“Lead the way,” Robert says and finally that smile he saves just for him graces his face and Aaron feels like the night might just go okay. 

\---

Their hands intertwine on the seat between them as the taxi rolls on towards Hotten. It reminds Aaron of their first sort of date on his birthday, which fits the theme, he half smiles to himself. Of course he thinks Robert is secretly just trying to figure out what his dumb present is since their hands are resting on top of it and he keeps moving his across the surface. It’s not like it’s hard to tell that it’s a book of some kind but it’s not like he’s going to be able to tell much more, other than that his present wrapping skills are pitiful. He thinks he used half a roll of tape just trying to get it to stay together. 

Aaron bites his lip as they get closer, doubting everything all over again. He reminds himself that even if it’s a disappointment, that at least there’s more later. The taxi pulls up to the pub and Robert leans over his shoulder to peer out the window. He gives Aaron a quizzical look when he recognizes the place. It’s the same pub that he took him to on his birthday. Aaron sighs. He knew it was stupid to pick it. It was just after searching through all of those other restaurants, nothing seemed to fit them. 

Shoving money into the driver’s hand, Aaron gets out and grabs the present before Robert can. He puts on an exaggerated pout as he gets out too, making Aaron shake his head at him, grinning because he can’t help himself. He’s just glad Robert seems to be okay after everything with Andy, doesn’t feel like he would be. 

“So, is this going to be our official birthday place?” Robert asks as he drapes his arm over his shoulder, mirroring his actions of a few months ago except this time, Aaron finds himself leaning into the embrace. 

“I know it’s-I just thought we could have another go at it now that we’re more-well we’re more comfortable I guess? It’s silly, sorry. I should have-” He’s rambling and Robert’s just grinning at him. 

He kisses him quick on the cheek. “Stop,” he laughs. “It’s perfect.” 

“Yeah?” Aaron asks, still unsure of himself. 

“Yes,” Robert says definitively and pulls him inside. 

They find a table, close to the one they were at for Aaron’s birthday and this time it’s him that’s going up to order them some food and drinks. When he gets back, he finds Robert just sitting there staring at the present that’s sitting off to the side, like he’s developed flipping x-ray vision and he can see through the layers of polka dot wrapping paper to what’s inside. Sliding into his seat, he nudges it towards him and Robert’s grinning from ear to ear. Aaron can’t help but bite at his lip again, his knee bouncing up and down against Robert’s under the table as he waits for him to open it, because what if he hates it?

 

Robert’s hand is on his knee in a second, stilling it. “Aaron,” he says and there’s a bit of a warning in voice. “If you start saying whatever this is, is dumb and that you should’ve gotten something else, well, I’m going to have to kiss you quiet or something.”

“Then it’s a rubbish gift,” Aaron says quickly, playing along, even if he does feel it’s true. “And I should have-”

Leaning over the table, Robert kisses him, though they’re both smiling too much for it to be any kind of decent kiss. It’s perfect. “It doesn’t matter what you got me,” Robert tells him as he starts ripping at the paper. “Christ Aaron! How much tape did you use?”

“I might not be the best at wrapping gifts,” Aaron admits. 

“No kidding,” Robert laughs, as he finally manages to break through and sees what book he got him. His face lights up a bit and Aaron feels like maybe he can breathe a bit easier. 

“It’s-”

“The Hedge Knight,” Robert grins. “I can read.” 

“Well I know how much you liked those Game of Thrones books that Vic got you and the next one’s not out yet-”

“It’s never coming out apparently,” Robert moans and it’s not the first time Aaron’s heard the complaint.

“Well, I thought maybe this could tide you over. Supposedly it’s like a hundred years before that stuff or whatever. And it’s a comic so-”

“Graphic novel,” Robert corrects him and god his boyfriend is a geek. Aaron watches him flip through the pages, examining the art. “I love it. And when the show comes out next year, I’m making you watch it.” 

Aaron shakes his head, knowing full well he’ll be sat there with Robert on premiere night watching him get all excited about it. The fact that that’s a year away takes him by surprise. He doesn’t usually think that far ahead and he’s not sure what’s brought that on. It makes him both nervous and excited. 

A server brings out their food and lays out on the table in front of them, a cheeseburger as usual for him, the plate piled high with chips that Robert has already got his eye on, and sausage and mash for Robert. Looking down at the plate, Robert looks a bit perplexed at the choice but Aaron can see a hit of a smile on his face. 

“I remembered you said it was your favorite,” Aaron explains. 

“Yeah,” Robert confirms, “but I think-I must have only mentioned it that one time.” 

“Well-so...do you not want it then?” Aaron asks. 

Robert kisses him again, he guesses to quiet the doubts in his head and Aaron doesn’t mind the reason, kissing him back, not caring that they probably look like one of those gross, overly loved-up couples he would hate to watch if he were the one looking on. Before they break the kiss he hears a shifting on his plate and cracks open his eyes to see Robert stealing a chip off of his plate. Aaron pushes him off and slides his plate away protectively. 

“Oi!” Robert exclaims. “I let you steal my chips on your birthday. It’s just the birthday boy’s prerogative!” 

Rolling his eyes, Aaron kisses him one last time and picks up his pint. Robert does the same and they clink them together. “Happy Birthday Robert,” he says. 

“Cheers!” Robert smiles that lopsided smile of his that always has him melting. 

\---

Aaron cuts him off after one drink at the pub and they leave before dessert, which seems unlike his boyfriend. He’s at his mercy tonight though, happily following him down the street, still flipping through the pages in his book, trying just to look at the pictures without spoiling himself on the story. Nothing about tonight may be fancy or over the top like the kinds of birthday extravagance he might have dreamed of when he was back in London with his sights set on Chrissie White, but it’s better. Everything has a personal touch, something that tells him that Aaron knows him better than anyone else and that means more than any flashy birthday gift ever could. Besides, he’s really looking forward to reading his book. Later though, now he tucks himself under Aaron’s arm and lets him lead the way. 

They end up in a somewhat familiar spot, standing outside of Bar West, music spilling out the door as people go in and out. Robert turns to glance at Aaron’s expression and the two of them share an understanding look. They went to that gay bar in London but this was home, this meant something more. It still makes Robert itch a bit going into a gay bar though because while he’s not ashamed to be with Aaron, well not as much anymore, ‘gay’ is still not his label. He can’t help that it still makes him uncomfortable that people will just assume. It’s what his dad thought, what Andy assumed earlier tonight. It’s on his mind but he also knows he needs to get over it a bit, especially because he can tell Aaron looks a bit nervous about it too. 

“It’s just the same as London,” he whispers in his ear. “Except probably less exciting because it’s well...Hotten.” 

Aaron gives him a small smile and nods, pulling them towards the door. Inside, it’s well, it’s normal. There’s a bar and music and people having a good time. Sure there’s a lot more blokes and some of them are coupled up, holding hands across the table, but so are they so it doesn’t matter. Aaron gets the drinks in while Robert gets a table. They sit beside each other on one side, leaning into one aother as they toast to his birthday again. It’s easy and Robert feels a bit ridiculous for being nervous to come in here in the first place. 

They’re watching some guy clean up at the pool table in front of them. His opponent doesn’t seem to stand a chance but he still looks to be in good spirits about it. Robert thinks maybe it’s because he’s angling to get a date out of it. The pool shark’s not that bad looking Robert supposes, if you’re into that sort of thing. He’s tallish with close cropped curls, some scruff and a goofy grin. Robert thinks his ears are too big but he’s dressed smart in a red and white checked shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. Aaron’s more focused on the game Robert notes and that’s just fine with him. 

When they finish, the pool shark gives the other guy a kiss on the cheek and sends him on his way, looking around for a new opponent. He looks in their direction, chalks up his cue and walks over. Beside him, Aaron shifts and sits up straighter, finally looking at the guy. Robert puts his arm around Aaron’s shoulders, not wanting this bloke to get any ideas. 

“Fancy a game?” he asks, pointing back toward the vacant table. He’s not quite differentiating between the two of them so Robert tries to relax a bit. 

“Uhh,” he glances at Aaron. 

“You play,” Aaron tells him. “I’ll watch.” 

“We could both play. Take turns?” Robert suggests. 

“You sure?” Aaron asks.

“It’s my birthday, so you get to do what I want,” Robert smirks at him, pulling him up from his seat and dragging him over towards the pool table. 

“Oh, uh, happy birthday,” the guy says as he hands Robert a cue. “I’m Jackson by the way.” 

“Cheers. Robert, and this is-”

“Aaron.” 

“Nice to meet ya,” Jackson says, his eyes lingering a bit too long on Aaron for Robert’s tastes. “So, shall we?” 

“Yeah,” Robert says, racking up the balls and getting set up while Jackson lines up the cue ball. 

“It’s your birthday,” Jackson says. “Why don’t you start us off?”

Robert nods and takes the chalk that Aaron hands him, grinning at the little mark of blue that’s now on his cheek. Wiping it off with his thumb, he chuckles at the blush that replaces it, Aaron looking a bit embarrassed. He just finds it all that much more endearing. His leather jacket has been discarded at their table with his book and their drinks and now he’s rolling up his own sleeves, already getting in the competitive spirit before they’ve even started. 

Lining up his shot, Robert enjoys the way that Aaron is watching him. He played a bit of pool here and there when he was in London, with colleagues after work. That doesn’t mean he’s some kind of expert but he’s not bad and hopes that’s enough. It’d be a shame to let the pool shark beat them. Even though it’s his birthday, Robert doesn’t expect Jackson to go easy on them. 

Squinting his eye, he checks his aim one last time and brings the cue forward with a punch, knocking the cue ball across the table. He stands back up, watching it careen into the triangular formation, disrupting them from their order as they go flying. The ten ball sinks into the right corner pocket and the twelve nearly slides into the left center. He doesn’t miss Aaron’s impressed face and and he gives him a wink as he passes him the cue. 

“Nice one,” Jackson says, taking in the current state of the table, checking where the solid colored balls ended up. 

“Thanks,” Robert beams. 

He watches closely as Aaron lines up his own shot, going for that twelve ball that he set up. The concentration on his face reminds them of their old darts games in the pub. It’s been awhile since they last played together and he thinks they should change that. With a gentle touch Aaron taps the twelve ball into the left center pocket and grins as he hands the cue back to Robert. If he has anything to say about it, the pool shark won’t even get to take a shot. 

The nine ball has his name on it, he thinks, as he surveys the table. It’ll be a bit of a tricky shot but he thinks he can make it. He bends over the table, using his long arms to his advantage and knocks the cue ball off the back edge of the table at just the right angle that it speeds all the way down to knock the nine ball into the front right corner pocket. Suppressing the smile on his face is nearly impossible and he doesn’t mind the bit of a scowl that has formed on Jackson’s face. He thought he was going to have another easy win on his hands but Robert’s going to prove him wrong. They should have put money on the game or something, he thinks. 

Aaron takes the next shot, going for the fifteen ball but he misses. He frowns, looking angry at himself. It was a tough shot though, and Robert won’t have him feeling bad. “Don’t even think I could have made that one,” Robert assures him, rubbing at his shoulder. 

“Right,” Aaron sighs. “Didn’t know you were so good. Maybe I should have let you play him on your own.” 

“My birthday remember,” Robert gives him a peck on the cheek for encouragement as they wait for Jackson take his turn. 

Jackson evens the score, sinking three balls in a row before he misses. It’s definitely going to be a hard fought win if they succeed. He takes another sip of his pint and takes the cue back from Aaron who had been leaning on it as he watched. He’s got his eye on that fifteen ball again and he manages to make the shot where Aaron missed it. Aaron follows it up by sinking the eleven, a grin brightening up his face as he hands the cue back again. There’s only the thirteen and fourteen balls left but neither of them are within easy reach. Robert does his best but he misses both. He’ll just have to bide his time and hope Jackson misses soon. 

Soon turns out to be another three balls later, leaving him just one left and the eight ball. Jackson shrugs but he’s got a bit of a smug grin on his face that Robert hopes he can remove by the end of the game. He’s in a better position now to get the fourteen ball, unfortunately he’s going to have to go through the six to get it and he just hopes he doesn’t inadvertently help Jackson out. With the lightest touch he nudges the cue ball into the six and into the fourteen, squinting and biting at his lip as he watches, mentally crossing his fingers. The fourteen drops in and six teeters on the edge. They’ve all got their eyes glued on it as it hovers but ultimately doesn’t fall in. 

“Yes!” Robert can’t help himself. 

“Nice!” Aaron’s right there with him, clasping his hand and pulling him into a half hug. “Now I just have to not screw it up.” 

“You won’t,” Robert tries to build up his confidence. 

Aaron takes the cue and sets up his shot, still looking unsure of himself. Robert’s just glad whatever he does will take the cue ball far away from the six, give them more of a chance. Standing behind him, he checks Aaron’s angle, just to be sure. He’s a little off and Robert leans in and whispers, ‘a little more to the left’ in his ear and backs off. Readjusting, Aaron knocks the cue into the ball and it sails perfectly down the table and slams into to the thirteen, pocketing it easily. His face lights up and it makes Robert smile in turn. 

They just have the eight ball left. Robert calls out the back corner pocket on the right and gives it his best shot. He’s just off, missing it by a millimeter or two and he slams the butt of the cue down on the floor in frustration. He should have had it. Aaron’s there in an instant, handing him his drink, nudging his shoulder with his. 

“We’ll get it next time,” he tells him and Robert calms down quickly. 

“If there is a next time boys,” Jackson says as he easily knocks the six in now. 

Robert does cross his fingers this time as he watches Jackson point to the center right pocket. He’s got Aaron hanging on his shoulder, body tense as they both wait. They watch the cue hit the ball and slide across the table into the eight but it skids into the corner of the pocket and bounces away. With his free hand, Robert clenches his fist and gives it a little pump in the air in excitement to go with Aaron’s ‘yes!’. 

“You were saying?” Robert laughs as he lets Aaron have the cue back, giving him a, “You’ve got this,” in encouragement. 

Setting his own drink down, Aaron takes a deep breath and heads back towards the table, examining the angles. He looks toward him for advice and Robert points at the back right corner pocket. Nodding, Aaron lines up the cue, staring the eight ball down. Crossing his fingers on both hands, Robert watches on, hating that it’s out of his control. Jackson watches closely too, hoping for it to go the opposite way. Aaron releases his hold on the cue, the chalked end knocking into the cue ball and they all wait. White collides with black, sending it spinning towards the pocket. It’s over in a second, the eight ball dropping effortlessly into the corner and then Robert is spinning Aaron around and giving him a high five and a hug. 

“Nice one, lads,” Jackson congratulates them, any ounce of smugness he may have had earlier falling away. Somehow that annoys him. “Rematch?” 

“Yeah, go on,” Aaron says for them. 

“Great!” Jackson says brightly. “You rack ‘em. I’ll get the next round of drinks.” 

He’s getting a free drink out of this, Robert thinks, deciding maybe this Jackson’s not that bad after all. Aaron looks happy as he finishes the pint he does have and that’s all that really matters to him. He racks up the balls again, hoping he can add another win or two under his belt before the night is over, to top off what has been a pretty great birthday. 

They play another two games, the grudge match intensifying after Jackson beats them in the first, practically forcing them into the third game. A tie just isn’t acceptable, Robert tells Aaron who just shakes his head at him. The last game is close again, too close for Robert’s liking, making him anxious with each turn that Jackson takes but they manage to eek out another win in the end, Aaron sinking the winning shot again. Robert rewards him with a kiss this time, starting to get a little bit tipsy on the drinks. 

“Best three out of five?” Jackson suggests and then holds up his now empty glass. “And another round?” 

Robert raises his empty glass about to agree, when Aaron takes it from his hand. “Nope, I’m cutting you off.” 

“But it’s my birthday, remember?” Robert protests. He’s not even drunk. 

“Yes,” Aaron agrees with a grin. “Which means I have other plans for you. We have one last stop to make.” 

“Really?” Robert asks, intrigued, his stomach fluttering a bit at Aaron’s tone. He hadn’t expected anything more than this and this was already great. 

“Yep, come on,” Aaron grabs his jacket and his book and passes it over to him before turning back to Jackson. “Sorry, mate.” 

“Nah, I understand,” Jackson smiles at them. “Don’t let me stop you. But I hope I see you lads around here again.” 

“Definitely,” Aaron replies and it warms Robert’s heart that Aaron feels comfortable enough here to want to come back. He thinks he won’t mind it either. 

They leave Jackson greeting a new opponent, Robert thinks he hears him introduce himself as Flynn, and head back outside, Aaron calling another taxi. They kiss while they wait, sticking to the shadows instinctively, just in case anyone from the village might have fancied a night out in Hotten. He doesn’t expect they did, but it makes them both more at ease and free with each other. Robert hopes this might just be a preview of what’s to come. 

\---

The taxi pulls up to a hotel and Aaron once again pays the driver as they get out. It’s not Hotten’s finest but it looks nice, more than Robert thought Aaron could afford anyway on his wages from the garage. He gives him a look but Aaron just pulls him inside, gives reception an awkward wave and takes him toward the lifts. Robert watches him press the button, seemingly unconcerned about the fact that they just walked in here. 

“Don’t we need to check in or something?” Robert asks him. 

“Checked in this afternoon, didn’t I?” Aaron says casually, like it’s nothing and Robert’s realizing just how much forethought Aaron’s put into this night. He’s not quite sure how to respond. 

“We don’t have any stuff to stay overnight or anything,” Robert points out, not sure why he’s trying to poke holes in Aaron’s plan. Maybe it’s just because it’s hard to believe anyone would actually do this much for him. 

“In the room,” Aaron tells him with a wink.

“What?” Robert questions as the lift dings and the doors open. 

He follows Aaron inside and watches him press the button for the third floor and pull a key out of his pocket, grinning at him. Robert smiles back, leaning in and giving Aaron a kiss because he feels too overwhelmed to do anything else. Sure he’d booked them a hotel in London but it wasn’t a surprise, it was for both of them. This falls into the grand gesture territory and Robert’s not sure what he’s done to deserve that, but he’s not going to complain. Instead, the butterflies in his stomach are beating their wings like mad as the door opens again and Aaron tugs him out into the corridor and down to their room. 

The book he’s still holding sticks in his sweaty grip as Aaron presses the key to the door and pushes it open when it unlocks. Inside, Aaron flicks on the light and he sees his overnight bag sitting on the bed next to Aaron’s backpack, carefully put there earlier today. Throwing his own coat over the back of the chair at the desk, Aaron goes to the mini fridge in the room, opens it up and pulls out two beers, handing one over to him and Robert’s even more floored. 

“Do you like it?” Aaron asks and his voice has gone all shy again. 

“Yes,” Robert says immediately and he means it. “It’s amazing. You didn’t have to-how did you even pay for all of this?”

Aaron shrugs. “Might have put in a few extra hours at the garage...and the surgery.” 

“That’s why you’ve been so busy lately?” Robert asks, somewhat in awe. “You really didn’t have to do all of this for me.” 

“Yeah I did,” Aaron says. “I wanted to. You’ve been there for me so much Robert with...well with everything and I just-I wanted to say thanks somehow.” 

“I’d do it again in second,” Robert assures him and he knows he would. He’d go through all of their ups and downs and weeks without speaking and the rest just to be there for him again. He deserves it. “And you’ve been there for me too,” he reminds him, wanting him to know that. “I-well” He continues, feeling like he’s rambling but not sure what he wants to say. The words ‘I love you’ suddenly pop into his head, slam into him like a ton of bricks more like because he can feel the weight of them and the truth. He hasn’t said that to anyone since Katie but he thinks he’d mean it more than ever before if he told Aaron. “Thank you.” 

‘Thank you’ doesn’t even begin to convey how he feels right now but he doesn’t want to ruin a perfect night with heavy feelings. He’s too scared Aaron won’t say it back. It can wait. Instead he takes a sip of his beer and walks over to the bed to rummage through whatever Aaron has packed in his overnight bag. He finds his blue jumper with the elbow patches inside and laughs as he pulls it out. 

“You know, I was looking for this earlier,” he says. 

Aaron bites his lower lip to suppress a grin. “Soz. I had Vic get it for me, and the rest of it.” 

“You really had this all thought through didn’t you?” Robert smiles at him as he inches closer. “So...what else did you have planned?” 

Aaron puts his beer down on top of the fridge and comes toward him, licking at his lips, which just makes all of Robert’s blood rush south, suddenly making him regret wearing his tighter jeans. He sets his beer down on the desk in the room and settles his hands on Aaron’s hips as he leans in to kiss him. It’s soft and gentle at first but as Aaron pushes his jacket off his shoulders, their bodies pressing closer together, it gets more heated. Parting his lips, he lets Aaron explore with his tongue, feeling it curl around his teeth, pulling him in ever closer. Between them, Aaron’s hands are fumbling with the ends of his shirt, wrenching them free of his jeans, his hands still cold from the condensation on the beer bottle as they graze his bare skin underneath.

“You gonna be able to handle those buttons this time?” Robert laughs, their whole bodies vibrating with it. 

“Shut up!” Aaron tells him, pushing him back towards the wall. 

He feels his back hit and then he pulls Aaron along with him, watching him ever so slowly undo the buttons on his shirt like he’s trying to punish him for the comment by making him wait. Instead of getting impatient, he amuses himself by undoing Aaron’s belt, letting his fingertips slide up under his jumper with a light touch, knowing exactly where he’s ticklish. He gets a slap for that and then a kiss when slips his hand under the waistband of his jeans and grabs a handful of his arse. Leaving the last few buttons still done, Aaron moves to his jeans, popping the buttons on them and shoving them down his hips, leaving his boxers still on. He helps out by kicking them off his feet, letting his socks and shoes slip off with them until he’s standing there barefoot in his pants with his shirt half hanging off of him. 

Aaron’s still unfairly clothed, he notes and leans down to crush his lips against his once more before moving on to mouth at his jaw. His stubble is starting to get longer and Robert likes the way it looks, even the way it feels against his skin as it brushes against his cheek as he continues down to suck at Aaron’s neck. He knows he’s spending too much time on one spot, that it will probably bruise but he doesn’t really care right now. All that matters is that he has Aaron right where he wants him, here with him, on his birthday, in this room that he splurged on for him. He pulls at the ends of Aaron’s jumper and pulls it over his head. The first time they were both nervous and every time after that it had been frantic. This time, he means to take it slow. 

\---

Aaron lays back on the bed, sated and sore, dragging the sheet over him as he watches Robert cross the room to get them both another beer. They’d finished their first round sometime after their other first round and now appropriately they were having their second. They’d had the cake Aaron had contracted Vic to make for him too in the inbetween, lighting a candle and everything. He’d finally let any of his insecurities about the night fall away when he’d seen just how much Robert’s face lit up about the time he was telling him to blow it out and make a wish. Everything had gone perfectly in the end. Right now though, he’s just enjoying the view as Robert bends over to open the fridge, grinning at the bruises his fingertips left on his hips. 

“Don’t think I don’t know you’re looking,” Robert says as he pulls out two more bottles. 

“You have a very nice left ankle,” Aaron deadpans, forcing his his face to remain blank as Robert swivels around to glare at him. 

“You think you’re so clever don’t you?” Robert says as he pops the caps off of the bottles and hands him one. 

“I do,” Aaron states matter of factly, still not giving anything away as he shuffles up a bit on the bed so he doesn’t spill. 

Robert climbs in next to him, reaches over him to set his bottle down on the bedside table and then snakes his hands underneath the sheet to tickle him again. He squeals and squirms away, nearly spilling his beer all down his front. As it is a few drops land on Robert’s nose and he can’t help but laugh at the look of dismay on his face. He dips down and licks them off, kissing away the ones that dripped down onto his lips. Robert takes his bottle out of his hands and sets it next to his. Aaron braces himself for more tickling but gets a kiss instead as Robert pulls him down so they’re lying side by side, trading more lazy kisses, soft and sweet and Aaron feels like he could lay here for the rest of time. 

“Almost midnight,” Robert says, glancing over him at the clock. 

“All your birthday wishes come true?” Aaron asks, knowing it’s cheesy but he’s buzzed enough now on beer and sex and everything else that he doesn’t care. 

“More than,” Robert hums against his lips as he leans back in for one last birthday kiss before the clock ticks over.


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paddy confronts Aaron when he comes home after staying out all night. Robert and Andy talk more about Aaron. Robert worries about Aaron and says something he can't take back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! The next chapter is here! Thanks so much to those of you who encouraged me through my nano writing last month. I'm going to try not to take forever with the updates from now on but we'll see how it goes. Some long chats in this one. Hopefully you all enjoy it. As always, comments are appreciated.

April 2010

It’s early when they get back to the village, both their heads sore after they spent the rest of the night talking and drinking and kissing and whatever else. Aaron knows today is going to be rough because he said he’d work a shift this afternoon at the garage. He may have gotten a slight advance from Cain too to help pay for everything but he doesn’t regret it. Last night was perfect and he’s not looking forward to being back in the real world. 

The taxi pulls up to the farm and Aaron sees Andy milling around outside, lugging a hay bale off into one of the barns near by. He stops when he sees them and as much as it unnerves him, he’s kind of glad Andy knows or else he’s not sure how they’d explain them coming back in the morning with bags they didn’t have when they left. Still, he’s not sure how to play it when Robert’s getting out of the car. He wants to kiss him but with Andy definitely watching, he’s not sure Robert will want that. 

“Thank you again,” Robert tells him, even as he presses his fingers against his forehead in aid of driving away the headache. “I’ll call you later, yeah?”

“After we’ve both gotten some proper sleep,” Aaron groans. 

“Best non proper sleep I’ve ever had,” Robert grins at him and Aaron shakes his head, still managing to doubt himself. Robert’s been with loads of other people before him. He’s not that special. “Hey, I mean it,” Robert reiterates, seemingly reading his mind. It’s scary how he can do that sometimes. 

As Robert climbs out, grabbing his bag and his jacket, he glances over his shoulder at Andy watching, pausing for a second as if he’s trying to make a decision. He looks to Aaron for what to do and Aaron just shrugs. It’s more up to him. Another second and then he’s leaning back in and giving him a kiss, smiling into it. Aaron’s envious because he’s not sure he could ever do the same in front of his own family. It’d be too weird. It was one thing to kiss Victoria in front of them because he was trying to prove something but to kiss Robert, he’s not sure he can. He hopes he understands.

“Bye,” Robert says softly when they part. 

“Bye,” Aaron echoes back and smiles as the door closes, watching him walk away, giving Andy a curt nod as he heads into the house. 

When the taxi pulls up in front of Smithy he feels less enthused, hoping Paddy’s already in the surgery and he won’t have to deal with him and this headache of his. It’s not as bad as the hangover he had on his own birthday but it’s close. He shoves the last of his cash into the driver’s waiting hand, grabs his backpack and stumbles out, eyes already drooping with exhaustion. He really didn’t get much sleep last night but he’s glad he at least didn’t have a nightmare to ruin the mood because he would have been miserable if he had. Everything really did go better than he could have hoped and it left him with a good feeling inside. 

Sparing a glance toward the surgery, he tries to see if Pearl is inside but he can’t, so he heads around to the door that leads to the stairs, hoping he can just sneak up without anyone noticing. He slides his key into the lock, turning it carefully, trying to make as little sound as possible and pushes the door open. The sound of Paddy singing assaults him the moment he steps inside, catching him off guard. It’s a bloody awful sound to have inflicted upon his ears at this hour and he cringes as he shuts the door softly behind him. He hopes that he’s too distracted to notice him but once he puts his foot on the first step, he sees Paddy’s head poke around the wall and he’s been caught out. 

“Look at you, dirty stop out. What time do you call this?” Paddy asks. 

“I texted didn’t I?” Aaron sighs, his head pounding. 

“Staying out, back in the morning,” Paddy quotes him. “Very descriptive. Not to mention I had to decipher it through about a million typos.” 

Aaron groans, remembering fumbling with his phone at gone three in the morning when he remembered that he never told Paddy he’d be out all night. To be honest, he was glad he was that coherent and if he remembered correctly, a drunken Robert had tried to take the phone out of his hands three times so he could keep kissing him. 

“How about some breakfast?” Paddy suggests. 

“What? And keep listening to your singing, no thanks,” Aaron complains. 

“Just because you have the hangover from hell, doesn’t mean you have to insult my singing,” Paddy tells him. “In fact, my choir teacher in school said I had a very lovely light tenor.” 

“Didn’t realize you went to an all deaf school,” he grumbles in response, just wanting to go upstairs and sleep. 

Paddy seems to have other ideas. “Very droll,” he chides him and grabs him by the shoulders, Aaron too tired to fight him off like he normally would, and leads him into the kitchen. 

He sits him down and starts pottering about, putting the kettle on and throwing some bread in the toaster for him. Really, he could go for a nice greasy bacon sarnie right now but he’ll take whatever is on offer. Maybe it would be good for him to soak up some of the alcohol before he goes upstairs to bed. The noise is getting to him though as he winces and groans every time Paddy sets something down or closes a cabinet. 

“Just what did you get up to last night with Robert that left you in this state?” Paddy asks as he grabs the toast as it pops out of the toaster, fumbling with the slices because they’re too hot. 

He sets them on a plate and brings it over with butter and a knife for him. Aaron picks up the knife and cuts a slab of butter, slapping it onto the warm bread and watching it melt. He scrapes it gently so as not to aggravate his ears anymore but all hope is lost when the kettle whistles. The high pitched shriek nearly makes his ears bleed and his head feel like it’s about to split open as Paddy rushes to pull it off of the burner and pour him a cup of the instant coffee they keep around. He sets it down in front of him and then sits down as well, perching on the edge of his chair and just watching him. 

“What do you want, Paddy?” Aaron asks, taking a bite of his toast and chewing it softly, carefully before swallowing it down. 

“Just wondering how you got on last night is all?” Paddy says, trying to be casual and failing as usual. “Did you end up meeting someone?” 

The question makes him nearly drop the slice of bread in his hand but he manages to keep his grip on it, only letting it fall from his mouth a bit, his jaw hanging open. He rushes to close it. 

Tilting his head to one side, a curious expression on his face, Paddy reaches out to point at his neck. “Is that a hickey?” He asks with a laugh. 

Aaron swats his hand away immediately, pulling his hoodie up around his neck more to cover it. He knew he shouldn't have let Robert linger on one spot for too long but he was enjoying it too much to care at the time. “No!” he tries to deny the obvious. 

“It is! So you did meet someone! Is that why you texted to say you wouldn’t be home?” Paddy continues and Aaron wishes he would just stop. “Cause if you did, meet someone I mean, that would be great. Really great.” 

Aaron knows he’s trying to be supportive but it’s just making him squirm. He had such a good night last night, finally feeling like he could go out and be himself properly and now he’s dealing with the Paddy Inquisition and it’s seriously bringing him down. He thinks about Robert, how Andy knows now. They’d talked about it briefly again at dinner. Robert said he honestly wasn’t sure how he felt yet but mentioned how exhausting it’s been trying to keep it from him, trying to hold his tongue every time his brother said something stupid that bothered him. Aaron knows the feeling, because conversations like these, like the ones when they went out with Ryan and Andy the other night just get harder and harder when he can’t tell the truth. 

“Aaron?” Paddy prompts him. 

For the first time, Aaron realizes he wants to tell Paddy. He’s his mate. He hopes he would understand. Adam did and Vic. He’s just not sure how to get the words out. Anyone else that found out, he never had to actually say it and it was easier that way. He still hesitates though, because what if he did have a problem with it. He likes living here and he doesn’t want to go. He’d have nowhere else to go and then what would he have. Robert, he answers for himself. He’d still have Robert. 

“Paddy,” he starts, not sure if he even wants to say it. The toast feels damp in his clammy hands and he sets it down for a second. “I-uhh…”

“So what’s her name then?” Paddy asks, giving him a knowing smile like they’re both in on something but they’re really not. 

Aaron just gulps, staring down at his plate. 

Paddy leans his head down to try and get his attention, meet his eyes and get him to look back up. There’s a softness there now, like he’s going to approach the situation with a gentler touch this time. Aaron relents and picks his head back up, though it feels heavy and fuzzy and he knows it’s not just the hangover. 

“You did meet someone,” Paddy states, calmly. It’s not a question this time. 

Aaron hesitates again. If Paddy reacts badly, he knows it will crush him. His knee is shaking under the table and he wishes Robert were here to lay a calming hand on top of it to still him. Biting at his lip, he finds himself nodding. 

“And you like her?” Paddy asks, trying to get a handle on the situation. 

Aaron just wants to scream, blurt it out but he can’t. He can’t do it. The words are just stuck in his throat, burning his insides. His hands are shaking now and he sees Paddy notice, concern etched in the lines on his forehead. He’s such a coward. 

“Aaron,” Paddy says and his voice is soft like Robert’s when he’s being gentle with him. 

“It’s Robert!” he bursts out with it and then immediately grabs his piece of toast again and shoves nearly the whole thing in his mouth before he can say anything else stupid and incriminating. 

“It’s Robert? What do you mean it’s Robert?” Paddy stutters. “It’s Robert that met someone?”

Aaron’s eyes bulge in frustration as he chews furiously, trying to make the large bite somewhat manageable in his mouth. He grips the rest of it in his fist, holding on so hard it’s crumbling under the pressure. Paddy stares at him, looking confused and he knows he must look like a right nutter at the moment but that doesn’t feel like a far off description. 

“It’s Robert,” Paddy repeats his words like he’s thinking them over, trying to fit them in with the rest of their conversation. It’s then that he seems to notice his bag left by the stairs, the different shirt he’s wearing than the jumper he wore last night. “Oh!” he shouts, finally seeming to get it. “It’s Robert!” He’s confirming it now in his mind and Aaron can only stare at him, still trying to work on that piece of toast. “Mate!” he exclaims in shock. 

Paddy looks flabbergasted, like it’s the last thing he ever expected him to tell him and Aaron regrets it already. He tries to swallow finally but the piece of bread is still too large and lodges in his throat. It’s instantaneous; he can’t breathe, can’t suck in any air past the toast barrier. He’s clawing at his throat now, feeling light headed and it takes another second longer before Paddy notices and is up out of his seat, coming round behind him and slapping him hard across the back a few times. One moment he feels like he’s about to pass out and then the next, the piece of toast dislodges itself from his throat, hurtling onto the table in front of him. He can breathe again and it’s his favorite thing in the world suddenly as he greedily sucks air into his lungs. 

Thudding back into his seat, Paddy stares at him again. “You alright?” 

Another wonderful breath and Aaron nods, but he’s still tense, waiting for a proper reaction. He guesses he should at least be happy that Paddy didn’t let him choke to death. 

“Good, good,” Paddy babbles, sparing a glance for the half chewed carnage of his toast that lays next to him on the table. Then he looks back at him and Aaron braces himself. “So...you and Robert?” He says once and then pauses like he’s mulling it over in his head. “You and Robert,” he says again, like he just can’t believe it. “I-well that’s-are you sure?” 

Aaron feels like he’s going to be sick. None of this was going right and he realizes he never should have said a word. He shouldn't have even let Paddy distract him with breakfast. His stomach turns painfully and he suddenly he's pushing his chair back from the table and running for the toilet. He only just makes it before he's kneeling on the floor, gripping the sides of the porcelain seat and throwing up everything he just managed to shove in his mouth. When he's empty he, he sits back on his heels for a moment, trying to catch his breath again. Tears are streaming down his face and no amount of wiping them away is going to do him any good. Doesn't stop him from trying though. 

He hears Paddy thundering up the stairs behind him and if he had anything left in him, he'd probably throw up again. Instead he just gags a few times and slumps down further, feeling defeated. He might as well just face it. 

“Mate?” Paddy says when he reaches the door and finds him crumpled on the floor. He looks more confused than concerned and that just makes it worse. Is it so impossible, so horrible, what he is that it just leaves the people who are supposed to know him best this baffled. “Are you alright?”

When Aaron looks up at him, his face full of unwanted tears, he sees Paddy’s face drop. “Don't say anything,” he blurts out and struggles to his feet, weak, swaying. “I'll just-I'll just go.”

Pushing by him, he runs to his room, pulls out his larger duffle and starts throwing clothes inside of it, wishing he'd done a proper wash recently. He’ll just go, get out before Paddy has to go through the trouble of throwing him out. It'll be easier that way. He can go stay at Robert's. It's the only place he can go. Now he was stupid enough to tell Paddy, he'll tell the rest of them for sure and then they'll probably kick him out of the family or something. They do that. He's heard about it happening before. 

Half the bag is already stuffed before Paddy barges in and rips the duffle away from him, clothes flying everywhere. “Aaron stop!” Paddy shouts and it makes him curl in on himself a bit more. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving, what does it look like?” Aaron yells at him because otherwise it would probably come out as some pitiful half choked sob and he already looks weak enough. 

“Leaving?” Paddy exclaims, eyes bugging out of their sockets. “What for? Aaron you’re not making any sense.” 

He picks up a shirt that fell out of the bag onto his bed, balls it up in his fists as he closes his eyes, tries to shut everything out. His legs are shaking and he’s just so tired he can’t stand anymore. With a unstable sway, he drops himself down onto the bed and buries his face in the fabric of the shirt. “Because you know now and-you won’t want me-I shouldn’t have said anything,” he mumbles into the t-shirt. 

The mattress beside him dips down as Paddy sits next to him. There’s a hand on his shoulder, tentative at first and then solid. “Aaron, mate, I’m glad you told me.” He pauses then and pulls at Aaron’s hands. “Aaron, look at me.” It takes him a moment, but finally he raises his head, eyes meeting Paddy’s, tears staining his cheeks. “It was just a shock, that’s all,” Paddy tells him. “I didn’t mean to make you think-I haven’t-it’s fine. You and Robert, it’s alright.” 

Aaron sniffs back another bout of tears because he doesn’t really know how to respond. He’s just staring at Paddy, waiting for him to say more, still on edge in case it all goes wrong. 

“It’s more than alright. Well...I mean, I’d rather it wasn’t Robert flaming Sugden,” Paddy digs like he just can’t help himself. “But you-you and a bloke, you being...gay. You are gay, aren’t you? I just...I don’t want to assume that-” 

He nods, doesn’t even realize he’s doing it at first but he just wants to stop Paddy from babbling for a second. The quiet’s worse though and he feels a strange need to fill the void with something so he mutters a soft, “Yeah,” with another nod. 

“And Robert?” Paddy blurts and then gulps. “I mean-well he’s-well I never would have thought-what with-”

“He’s bi,” Aaron tells him. Somehow that’s easier to say. 

“Right, right, okay,” Paddy nods at him furiously, like he’s still trying to process it all. 

“He’s not like you all think he is,” Aaron says, feeling defensive and now he feels like he can actually say something even though he’ll never tell Paddy all of it. “Not with me anyway.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it,” Paddy laughs. It’s an easy, kind hearted laugh and Aaron lets it wash over him, heal him a bit even if not fully. Paddy knows and he seems fine with it, well except for the Robert of it all. Aaron’s not quite sure what to make of that. 

“Paddy,” he says, cautious. 

The laughter stops and he’s got his serious face on again. “What?”

“You can’t tell anyone, right?” Aaron needs him to agree or else he will have to go. His mum, the rest of the Dingle clan, they can’t know. 

“I won’t,” Paddy says immediately. “But-”

“But nothing!” Aaron pleads. “I can’t have the rest of them knowing, me mum? I just-swear to me you won’t tell them.” 

“Aaron I promise, but I’m sure they’d be alright with it,” Paddy tries to assure him. 

Maybe Paddy’s right, he thinks for a moment but he can’t help but think of the way Cain reacted to that customer that kept trying to hit on him, what Shadrach would say. They wouldn’t understand, Zak, none of them. Paddy was one thing. His mum already can’t stand him most of the time, told him he wasn’t worth the hassle basically. This was just more hassle and he’d had enough of disappointing her. 

“Please Paddy,” he says again and he must look especially pitiful because Paddy just nods numbly at him. 

“Okay, I won’t say a word,” Paddy agrees. “But you know-well-you’re like a son to me, Aaron. I love you. No matter who you are.” 

He nods, taking it all in, hardly able to believe how nice Paddy’s being to him about all of this. Then all of a sudden he’s wrapped up in Paddy’s arms, being hugged tightly to his chest and he can’t help but lay his head down on his shoulder and just let himself be held for a moment, letting all of the fight drain out of him and pure exhaustion take over. 

“I’m tired,” he says into folds of Paddy’s shirt.

“I’ll let you get some sleep then,” Paddy releases him from the hug and helps him clear a space for himself on the bed. “I’ll be in the surgery if you need me.” 

“Cheers Paddy,” Aaron yawns, head hitting his pillow and eyes already closing. He feels a blanket drape over him and then the door closing softly, Paddy’s footsteps receding down the stairs and he tries not to let the creak of the floorboards spook him. 

\---

His head is still pounding when he wakes but Robert has a smile on his face anyway. It really was the best birthday he's ever had. Rolling over, he grabs his phone off of his bedside table, smashes his finger clumsily down on the power button to check the time. Mid afternoon, he sees, and groans a bit. He slept for ages. When he looks closer at his phone, he frowns, sad that there's no messages from Aaron but he's probably still sleeping it off. Pulling up their long running text conversation, he taps out a message. 

‘How's your head? Mine still half feels like it's about to split open but I don't regret a second of it ;)’

It's soppy but he doesn't care. He's still in that sort of mood. 

‘I'll spare you the wake up call but ring me when you get this’

He's let up calling him every day now but he still likes to check in just in case sometimes and right now he sort of just wants to hear his voice. God he has it bad. He's thinking about last night, about walking into that hotel room and just being blown away by the effort Aaron went to for him, how the words ‘I love you’ nearly slipped off his tongue. A few months ago he probably wouldn't have even been able to admit to himself that he loved Aaron, the thought of having those kinds of feelings for another bloke impossible. Even now he almost wants to bury it, out of habit, out of fear. Aaron's done so much for him but the risk of being left hanging if he did say it still seems all too much. He settles for flipping through the photos he took last night instead, grinning at the drunken selfies that Aaron would kill him for if he saw them now. He looked so happy though and Robert loves seeing him smile. After everything he's been through, he deserves that. 

It's another hour before he makes it down stairs, showered and resembling an actual human. He stops in his tracks though when he sees Andy settling down at the table with a brew. When he got in, he'd gone straight up to bed, bypassed the awkwardness altogether but now here he is, just staring up at him over a steaming cup of tea. Robert pales, still wants to run from it, thinks about how he brazenly kissed Aaron twice when he knew he was watching and he can't help the default shame that prickles along his spine. 

“Thought you'd sleep all the way till tea time,” Andy says as he blows on the hot liquid before taking a sip. 

“Cause I'm so useless,” he mutters and it's a reflex at this point but he actually feels bad about it this time. “Sorry, still tired I guess.”

“Sit down,” Andy directs him to the chair next to him and Robert chooses the one across from him instead. He doesn't even know why but it's like he's readying himself for a face off. “I'll get you a cuppa.”

He sits cautiously, not quite relaxed when Andy sets a mug down in front of him. Swirling around the liquid, he lets the steam heat his face as he waits for his brother to sit back down. Everything yesterday had happened so fast and there's still a part of him that's terrified that Andy will go back on everything he said then. 

“So, how was it? The big birthday night out...and the morning,” Andy grins at him and it makes him squirm in his seat. He doesn't know that he's ready to have this kind of chat with him. They've never been that sort. Maybe because the last time he was home and with someone, it had been Katie. 

“Yeah it was fine,” Robert downplays it. 

“Fine? So that dreamy smile you had plastered on your face when you got out of that taxi was all for fine, was it?” Andy's still smiling at him and it just makes him nervous, like if he's honest it'll change in an instant. 

He twitches involuntarily, turns his gaze down, getting lost in the swirl of the milk in his tea. This just isn't them and he doesn't know how to process it. He glances at his phone, hoping it'll light up with a message from Aaron and he can swerve this conversation altogether but it doesn't. 

“Rob?” Andy questions. 

“I can't,” he blurts. “I can't talk about this with you!” He starts to get up. He’ll have his tea in his room, try and call Aaron. He just can't do this. 

“Robert wait!” Andy calls after him. “Sit down, will ya?” 

Robert stops halfway to the stairs but he doesn’t turn around, not yet. 

“I’m just trying to-I don’t know, be supportive,” Andy says. “That’s what you’re supposed to do-”

“Oh because it’s that much of a hassle is it?” Robert snaps. This is more like it. This he can sink his teeth into. He turns now to see Andy throwing his hands up in exasperation. 

“Why do ya have to make everything so hard, all the time?” Andy asks. “It feels like you want me to hate ya.” 

It would be easier, he thinks. That he would know how to handle. He doesn’t know what to do with this. Shrugging is about all he can manage, words caught in his throat. Indifference instead of any decision one way or another. 

“Well I don’t hate ya,” Andy says and Robert bristles. “At least not for this,” he clarifies. “Not for anything really. You really thought I would, didn’t you? Why?” 

He shrugs again; he can’t answer that. 

“Will you sit back down? Please?” Andy asks, nodding to the chair beside him again. Robert doesn’t know why he does it but he finds himself sitting back down, practically hugging his mug to his chest like it’s some kind of protection or something. “Look, I don’t have any problem with you being-”

“Bi,” Robert says, holding onto the word now. It doesn’t scare him as much anymore, gets easier every time he says it. 

“Yeah,” Andy sighs. “If I ask you a question are you gonna bite my head off again?” 

“Depends on how stupid the question is,” Robert says, gritting his teeth. 

“When did you know that you were-that you liked blokes?” Andy asks, the words awkward as they spill out of his mouth. 

That wasn’t quite what he was expecting and he’s not sure he likes where the conversation is going. “Fifteen,” he replies, trying to keep his voice steady. He supposes he can say that much at least. 

Andy blows out a breath, taking that bit of information in. “And all this time you said nothing? You really thought we’d have a problem with it? Me, Vic,” he pauses a moment, “Dad?” 

At the sound of the word ‘dad’, he averts his eyes immediately, letting them fall back down to his tea. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair, wanting to bolt again. This is not what he wants to talk about. Again, he wills his phone to ring but it remains stubbornly silent. 

“I’m sure he would have been alright with it,” Andy says, a hopeful expression on his face that just seems wrong. 

Robert snorts. He doesn’t mean to; it just happens and he can’t take it back now.

“Rob?” Andy probes, like he’s trying to pry him open, see what’s inside. He just wants him to stop, needs him to stop. “I know you two always had your differences but he loved ya. He would have been fine-”

“He wasn’t,” Robert says, can’t seem to help himself even though he regrets it immediately. He gulps down half his mug of tea, determined not to say anymore. 

“He knew?” Andy asks, shock plastered across his face. “When did he-how?” 

Tracing the patterns of the tablecloth with his eyes, he keeps his focus on it, like if he can just wait it out long enough, Andy will drop it and they can move on. He should have just told him about his birthday. Anything would be easier than this. He can feel Andy looking at him, feel his eyes boring into the top his head but he refuses to look up. Years ago, he would have jumped at the chance to ruin his brother’s relationship with Jack but now, now it seems too cruel to taint his memory. To Andy and Vic and Diane, along with the rest of the village, Jack Sugden was a good man, solid, dependable. Robert still believes he was those things too even if it sits at odds with what he had done to him. He never had any intention of telling anyone, never meant to tell Aaron either but it just sort of spewed out of him that day. 

“Rob?” Andy’s asking him again. “You can’t just say something like that and clam up.” 

That’s exactly what he intends to do. “Look I’m just gonna go and-” he starts getting up from the table again, thinking maybe he’ll just go see Aaron in person or something. 

“Rob! Will ya just talk to me?” Andy half shouts at him. “Please.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Robert tells him and it doesn’t. It won’t change anything now. 

“Did ya think I’d have a problem with you being bi because you think Dad did?” Andy asks, his voice quieter now, barely above a whisper. 

It’s too much. “I don’t think he did Andy, I know he did! Damnit!” Robert slams his mug down on the table, half the tea sloshing out, staining the tablecloth. He’s shaking now and he wants to run but Andy’s got a strong grip on his arm and he’s pulling him back down into his chair. 

“Did you come out to him?” Andy asks him, tentatively. 

 

Robert watches the spilled tea drip off the edge of the table and onto the floor. “No,” he says, feeling resigned to it now. “Do ya remember that farmhand we had when we were fifteen? Tom?” 

“The one Dad sacked because he was skiving all the time?” 

“He wasn’t skiving,” Robert mutters quietly. “Well...maybe a little but he was a good lad, a hard worker. Dad liked him until-”

“You and him?” Andy sounds surprised. “What happened?”

He stops the next drip with the tip of his finger, wipes it on the edge of the mug, watching the droplet slide down into the dregs leftovers. His phone is still silent but he checks it anyway, pressing the power button to light up the screen just in case he missed something. It’s getting late and he’s getting worried. Finally, “Dad caught us...in my room…”

“You were-”

“Just kissing,” Robert says. “It was my first proper kiss and then Dad comes barging in-”

“And he sacked him for that?” Andy asks.

“Guess so. Didn’t have any other reason. And then he-”

“What?” 

Andy’s trying to get him to look at him but he can’t, not if he’s going to tell him. He gets up instead, carries his mug over to the sink. Gripping onto the sides, he stares down at his knuckles, watching them go white as he holds on like he’s holding onto this last secret. “He hit me for it,” he says and hears his voice crack, hates that he sounds like that. 

“He wouldn’t do that!” Andy exclaims and he can hear the legs of the chair scrape against the floor as he turns abruptly to look over at him. 

“What?” Robert whips around to glare him, incredulous. “All that and you don’t even believe me?”

“Rob, he wasn’t that sort of bloke,” Andy insists. 

Robert deflates, thankful for the kitchen worktop that’s keeping him upright. “He wasn’t,” Robert agrees. “He just didn’t want a son like me.”

Andy’s mouth falls open and Robert can see the switch in his expression when he decides to believe him. It doesn’t make it any easier, any better. “Rob, I’m so-I’m sorry.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Robert sighs. He picks up a rag and starts mopping up the spill but Andy’s hand on his stops him. 

“It does matter,” Andy says, sounding thoughtful. “Puts a lot into perspective actually. You and Dad, you and me, you and...Katie. Is that why you went after her? To prove you were straight or summat?” 

“No!” he insists, sitting back down, and then, “I don’t know, maybe. It was a lot of things, I guess.” 

“Like what?” Andy’s expression is softer now, like he genuinely wants to know. 

“Dunno. I hated you, for mum,” Robert says and he sees Andy pale, doesn’t feel all that bad for it. “And I came back from Spain and you and Dad were close as ever and you were seeing Katie and I saw the way he looked at the two of you like he approved and I just felt-” He pauses, takes in a deep breath. “I just wanted him to look at me like that and...I wanted to hurt you.”

“Did ya love her at all?” Andy asks and Robert can tell he’s trying to keep his voice steady, not yell at him like they normally would be by now. 

“I did,” Robert says, because it’s true. Maybe he didn’t love her for the right reasons but he did love her. “She chose me, she loved me and that meant everything at the time.” 

“And Aaron?” Andy catches him off guard with the question. 

“Huh?” 

“You’ve checked your phone approximately seventy-five times since you came down stairs,” Andy chuckles. “At least now know why you’re so attached to that thing, texting all the time. Wait-was that him in the barn a couple months ago?” 

“Maybe,” Robert blushes, still feels weird talking about Aaron with him. “And I just thought he would have texted me back by now.” 

“If he was just as hungover, maybe he’s still asleep,” Andy suggests. 

Robert looks at the time, knows that’s not true anymore. “Nah, he had a shift at the garage. Cain gave him an advance for last night. He really should have gotten back to me.” 

“An advance?” Andy probes. “You going to actually answer my question then now? About how last night went?” 

He’s still unsure, fiddling with his phone again. 

“Rob, I’m not Dad,” Andy tells him. “I don’t have a problem with you and Aaron. Why would I? I’m sorry for how he reacted, for how he hurt you. He never should have done that. But, you’ve been happier these last couple of months than I’ve probably every seen you, and I’m guessing that has a lot to do with Aaron. He seems good for you. And well...at least we won’t be fighting over him.” Andy grins at the last bit and Robert finds the corners of his mouth fighting to tick upwards. 

He rolls his eyes, hoping that’s true. Aaron’s been with Vic and him. He hopes he’s not interested in the Sugden hattrick. That thought finally puts that smile on his face, picturing Aaron’s horrified face if he even suggested it. 

“So?” 

“It was good,” Robert says, amending the ‘fine’ from earlier. “Brilliant actually.”

“Yeah? So where did he take you?” Andy asks, sounding genuinely interested. 

“Just to a pub that I took him to for his birthday,” Robert says, thinking about how nervous Aaron was about his choices, how he didn’t need to be at all. 

“What? That’s it?” 

“We uh-we went to Bar West after. It’s um-it’s a gay bar.” He goes quiet after, trying to read Andy’s expression but he’s just nodding like it’s not a big deal and Robert tries to relax. “And then-”

“Then what?”

“Well, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about the hotel room,” Robert mumbles. He’s not going to talk about his sex life with his brother. 

Andy snorts. “No, probably not.”

“He did get Vic to bake me a cake though. Had it waiting in the room.” Robert finds himself grinning. 

“Well then he’s a keeper,” Andy says, gives him a punch on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, he is,” Robert says, more to himself than to Andy. Still no reply on his phone though. Aaron always answers back these days, knows how much he worries. Pocketing his phone, he gets up. “I’m gonna go and see him.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine, Rob,” Andy tries to reassure him. 

“Look, there’s stuff-it’s complicated alright?” Robert says. “I just want to check he’s okay.” 

“Will you be back for tea time?” Andy asks as he’s grabbing his coat, hand on the doorknob. 

“Meet you at the pub?” Robert suggests. 

“Yeah, you can bring Aaron if you want,” Andy says. 

Robert nods and heads out the door in a bit of a daze, half from worry about Aaron and half from his chat with Andy. He hopes they can keep what happened with Jack to themselves. He never wants to ruin the way Vic saw him. It would destroy her and he doesn’t want that. Mostly, he’s just floored that Andy actually seemed to believe him. It’s been so long since he’s had a proper conversation with his brother and now he’s had two in two days. Andy was right though, he’s not Jack and Robert’s grateful for that, thinks that maybe if he lets him in a little more that maybe they can be the friends they started out as so long ago. 

\---

Robert calls Aaron on his way into the village but he doesn’t pick up. Now he’s definitely getting worried. He doesn’t know what possibly could have happened between when he left him this morning and now but he’s trying to focus on the road and not panic too much. Not that he knows if it’s related at all, but he’s glad there’s another meeting of that support group next week and he hopes Aaron will be willing to go again. 

The garage is his first stop when he reaches the village, driving down Main Street and parking on the forecourt. Cain’s there when he gets out, a scowl permanently on his face just like his nephew half the time. He’s bent over an Aston Martin and for just a moment Robert’s distracted by the car. It’s always been a dream of his to own one someday, not that he’ll ever be able to afford one these days. It’s gorgeous though. Tearing his eyes from the car, he glances around but doesn’t see Aaron anywhere. 

“If you’re looking for Aaron, he called in sick,” Cain tells him when he spots him. “Well, Paddy called actually. Must have really been in a bad way. What the hell did you two get up to last night to leave him in such a state?” 

As worried as he is, Robert can’t help but smirk to himself. Cain has no idea. “I’ll just go see him at Smithy then,” Robert says, getting back in his car. 

“Tell him he owes me an extra shift!” he hears Cain call after him as he shuts the door. 

He’s knocking on the front door at Smithy next, hoping if Aaron’s not feeling well, he’ll be on the sofa or something, able to let him in. When there’s no answer, he peers through the window in the door and sees that the sofa is occupied by Clyde and not Aaron. He calls his phone one more time but there’s still no answer. 

The surgery is his next stop, walking in to find Pearl at the receptionist desk. “Paddy’s not supposed to be up at the farm is he?” she asks. 

“Oh, no,” Robert tells her. 

“He’s been a bit scattered today, that one,” she says, sounding concerned. She’s always seemed far too involved to Robert but he supposes that’s just her way. “So what-”

“Robert?” Paddy’s voice at the door to the surgery grabs their attention. “What are you doing here?” 

“Umm,” he really doesn’t have a good plan for this, really thought Aaron would answer the door. It’s ridiculous because it’s not like Paddy doesn’t know that they’re friends. “Is uh, is Aaron around? Cain said he was sick and he’s uh, he’s not answering his phone.” 

Robert doesn’t miss the worry on Paddy’s face and it only doubles his concern. “You’d better come through to the house.” He gestures for him to follow and Robert does so hesitantly, not sure what this is about. 

“But Paddy!” Pearl calls after them. “You’ve got appointments!” 

They both ignore her, making their way into the cottage, through the front room and into the kitchen. Paddy’s pacing, glancing at him occasionally like he’s trying to figure him out. Robert just wants him to spit out whatever it is he’s going to say. 

“I know,” Paddy says finally. 

“Know?” Robert feigns innocence. He’s not going to out Aaron if that’s not what he means. 

“About you and him,” Paddy clarifies. “Being together, I mean.” 

“Oh,” he says, a little bit shocked. When they’d talked briefly about it last night, Aaron had been insistent that he wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet. “He told you?” 

“Yeah, but-” Paddy starts and he sounds nervous. Robert feels his hands clenching into fists at his sides. If Paddy did anything to upset him, he’ll kill him. 

“I didn’t think you’d have a problem with it,” Robert tests him. 

“I don’t!” Paddy blurts out immediately. “But he-well he took it worse than I did. I mean not that I took it badly. I think it’s great. I mean, well, I don’t know how I feel about him dating you-but well, I mean-”

 

“Paddy!” he shouts at him just to get him to stop rambling. He can deal with his obvious disapproval of Aaron’s choice in boyfriends later. Right now he just wants to know how Aaron is. 

“Sorry,” the bumbling vet apologizes. “He seemed to have it in his head that I would disapprove, kick him out.”

Robert’s heart breaks for Aaron because he knows it’s still all to do with his dad, how twisted up he is about being gay because of that monster. “Yeah, he’s uh, he’s had a hard time wrapping his head around the whole thing. Is he okay now?” 

“Truthfully, I don’t know,” Paddy says, glancing upstairs and Robert figures Aaron must be up there. He wants to go now. “I thought he was fine, but I took him up a cup of tea an hour or so ago and he was just lying there, staring at the ceiling. Couldn’t get more than a grunt out of him.” Paddy stops his train of thought for a moment, staring at him like he’s trying to see something new there. “Maybe you can?” he suggests and there’s something almost like approval there and Robert will take it. 

\---

Tapping on the door twice, Robert announces his presence before slipping into Aaron’s room. He finds him just like Paddy described, lying on his back, gazing at the ceiling, lost in thought. The mug of tea on his bedside table is still full, probably not even a sip taken. There’s dark circles under his eyes and Robert worries he hasn’t slept at all. HIs phone is in his hand too, which means he knows that he called. He sits down, perching on the edge of the bed and tries to find Aaron’s eyes with his own. It takes a second but finally they lock onto his. 

“Hey,” Robert says softly. 

“Paddy knows,” is all he says. 

“Yeah, I know. He said you told him,” Robert says. “I thought you weren’t ready to tell people.” 

“I wasn’t,” Aaron explains. “I’m still not. It just came out.” 

Robert doesn’t tease him for the pun. Instead, he lets a hand stroke along his cheek. “He seemed alright with it though, Paddy. Still hates me though.” He tries to smile at the last part, making light of it even though it pisses him off. Paddy has no idea how much he’s been there for Aaron. He hopes that would change his mind about him, not that he can actually explain it. 

“This is how it starts though,” Aaron says. “Now Paddy knows, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of them know and then-” 

“Paddy was fine with it though. Andy was fine with it. I’m sure the rest of them will be too,” Robert tries to be encouraging even if he’s still nervous about the whole village gossiping about them. He doesn’t mind being the center of attention but not for something like this. 

“Paddy’s Paddy though,” Aaron says like that explains everything. Robert supposes it does though, really. “The rest of them, mum and Cain and granddad, they won’t get it. They’ll think-” 

“You don’t have to tell them until you’re ready,” Robert reminds him. “And I’m sure Paddy won’t say anything. Paddy’s Paddy, right?” 

“Suppose,” Aaron relents, letting his hand drift up over Robert’s forearm. 

“Budge up,” Robert tells him, 

“What for?” 

“You just look like you could use a cuddle, that’s all,” Robert pokes at his ticklish spot, earning him a death stare. 

“Soft lad,” Aaron says though. 

“Maybe I am,” Robert smiles at him. 

Aaron shifts over eventually and Robert kicks his shoes off and lies down beside him, reaching out an arm to wrap around him. He pulls him close, expecting resistance but instead, Aaron curls up against him, resting his head on his chest. Dropping a kiss on top of his head, Robert lets his fingers card through his growing hair, marveling at how vulnerable he can be when he’s with him. With everyone else, Aaron’s always trying to maintain his hard man reputation but when they’re together, it always makes him smile to see Aaron soften. Sometimes it’s like he saves a look just for him. 

It’s on his face now, that soft little smile, even in the midst of all of this and it makes him feel good to know that he’s the reason for it. It means everything to know that he matters to someone like that. “I love you,” he whispers in Aaron’s ear. 

Aaron stiffens almost instantly at the words, his whole body rigid in his embrace. He curses himself for saying it, for just blurting it out like that. He never meant to. Now it’s out there and he can’t take it back. Well, maybe he can. Maybe they can just forget it, pretend he never said a word. 

“Aaron, I-look,” he sputters and he feels Aaron pulling away from him but he doesn’t want to let him go. “Just forget I said it okay, if it freaks you out I mean.” 

Wide blue eyes stare up at him and Robert can read the terror in them, hating that he put it there. “I just-” Aaron starts but can’t seem to finish. 

“You don’t have to-I mean you don’t need to say it back or anything. Not if you don’t want to. Well-I mean-let’s just-it’s fine alright,” Robert’s just spewing out syllables at this point, feeling stupid for saying anything, but desperately wanting Aaron to say it back. If he doesn’t, what does that say about him? 

“Okay…” Aaron says, hesitantly. 

Okay he doesn’t want to say it, or okay he loves him? Robert’s not sure but he’s trying not to ruin things any further. He feels Aaron trying to settle against him again, find his earlier perfect spot but everything feels wrong now and he thinks they can both tell. It doesn’t stop him from holding onto him though. Maybe he just needs a bit more time. He just caught him off guard. Robert tries to rationalize it in his head but he can’t help the hurt that swirls in the pit of his stomach. It stings a bit like rejection.


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Robert's love confession takes it's toll on both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. It was a bit of a struggle to write but I hope people like it. Comments are always appreciated!

May 2010

_I love you._

The words bounce around in his head like they’re in an echo chamber, screaming into the void. They settle heavily on his shoulders, on his back, his chest, like a weight, pressing him down. They burn in the pit of his stomach, twisting and churning and making him ill, uneasy. He pours a pint down his throat but it doesn’t do anything to help. It’s been a week and a half and he’s still struggling to wrap his head around them, process them, make meaning of them, never mind finding an actual answer to them. ‘Okay’ he’d said, as if that had been in any way adequate. 

“Earth to Aaron,” Adam’s saying across from him.

“Huh?” He looks up to see his mate waving an empty pint glass in his face. 

“You want another?” Adam asks. 

“Yeah, sure, go on,” Aaron tells him, watching him get up and head to the bar where Moira’s working. He’s surprised they haven’t heard any arguments coming from the kitchen yet, but then maybe they have and he just wasn’t paying attention. 

His phone pings next to him and he’s got a text. Adam’s watching him from the bar as he picks it up; he can feel his eyes on him as he checks to see who it’s from. It’s Robert, not that that surprises him in any way. Flipping his phone closed again, he sets it aside. It’s not that he’s been avoiding him outright since he said it, but he just can’t deal with it right now. Even if he’s just asking about whether he’s still taking him to the support group meeting tomorrow, it feels like too much. 

The full pint glass Adam slides across the table at him is a good distraction as he picks it up immediately and downs half. It doesn’t quiet the phrase in his head though unfortunately and it’s a bit early in the day for him to be getting blackout drunk. He’s got a shift at the garage to get back to. Adam’s still studying him curiously as his phone rings, Robert calling this time. He ignores the call, lets it go to voicemail, hears the ding when Robert’s finished leaving one. Opening his phone back up, he deletes it without even listening to it and settles for texting him back instead. No matter what, Aaron knows he worries about him ever since the quarry and he can’t stand the thought of him thinking the worst. He tells him that he can pick him up at the usual time. Those words dredged up a lot of stuff within him and he thinks maybe going to group might help. Maybe he can even get himself to actually finally say something this time. 

“You know, not that I don’t enjoy sitting here in silence staring at your ugly mug, but…” Adam says and he looks up again finally to meet his eyes. “You gonna tell me what’s up with ya?” 

“It’s nothing,” Aaron lies. It’s everything and everything is going wrong, unsurprisingly. 

“Right, so one minute you’re planning romantic birthday dates for Robert and now you’re blanking him?”

He notes the raise in his friend’s eyebrows, challenging him a bit but there’s nothing to say really. He’s just messing everything up like usual. 

“You know you can talk to me about anything, mate,” Adam encourages. 

“Yeah,” Aaron sighs, looking for a way out. Vic gives it to him as she walks in waves at them and heads to the bar. “Same goes for you, mate. You ever going to ask her out?” 

Adam shakes his head, lets him get away with the change in subject and indulges him with his plans to sweep Victoria off her feet, one day, when he gets the courage to. Aaron forces himself to focus on him, lets his nervous energy drown out the other thoughts in his head. 

\---

Aaron places another folding chair against the wall, taking his time with it. The meeting’s been over a while now but he’s dragging his feet. The drive into town was awkwardly silent minus some pitiful small talk. Robert had even resorted to talking about the weather and that was when he knew they’d reached an all time low. He just didn’t know what to say to him since he couldn’t say the one thing he knew he wanted to hear. Robert had told him more than once since that it didn’t matter, to just forget he ever said anything but Aaron knew it mattered the most. He hates how strained everything has gotten between them because it used to be so easy for them to talk to each other and now everything was just hard. He misses his best friend. 

One of the other lads, Charlie, passes him another chair and he stacks it against the wall with the rest. They’re almost done now. He doesn’t normally stay late like this, usually wanting to get back to his life, forget about everything he heard or talked about here but today he’s lingering. Charlie seems to always stay after and he knows why, knows he still lives with the abuser he calls a stepfather. It only happened the once, so Charlie says, but Aaron knows what it’s like to live in fear of it happening again. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone and he’s so thankful that at least he got out. 

Finally, he’d had the courage today to admit why he was there, what his dad had done to him. He didn’t offer many details but it had felt like a win that he was able to say it out loud to someone other than Robert. In any case it had seemed easier than dealing with his other feelings, swirling around at war in his entire body. He hates himself for not being able to just say it back but he can’t. 

“Cheers for the help lads,” Thomas, the man who runs the group, says as they put the last of the chairs back. “I’ll see you next time, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Aaron says quietly as Charlie nods beside him, looking upset at the thought of going home. 

Thomas puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezes it lightly. “You did good today Aaron,” he says, offering him a smile. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but talking about it will help.” 

“Thanks,” Aaron mumbles back, uncomfortable with the attention. Thomas seems like a good bloke though and he’s doing his best to trust him. Today was a massive step. 

He and Charlie wander outside, still moving at their own pace, which is basically as slow as their feet will take them. In the car park, he can see Robert waiting, sitting on the bonnet of his car, long legs crossed at the ankle, arms crossed over his chest. It’s May, but he’s still wearing a body warmer like it’s freezing, which he finds strangely endearing. It doesn’t matter what he wears though, he still looks perfect as always, hair blowing just right in the wind, small smile on his face as he sees him emerge from the community center, hopeful. 

“That your boyfriend?” Charlie asks, his voice small and quiet. 

Aaron nods. He still finds it strange being honest in response to that question but he feels like he can be here. 

“You’re lucky,” Charlie tells him and Aaron nods again as they part ways. 

He is lucky. He knows that much. Robert’s amazing, too amazing for him. He doesn’t even understand why Robert feels the way he does, thinks he must have made a mistake because how could someone love somebody like him? Paddy had said it too in one of his rambles after he’d blurted it out to him about him and Robert. He didn’t understand that either. He’d made Paddy’s life a misery since he moved in. They both needed their heads checked. 

Robert’s smile widens as he approaches but it just makes him cringe back a bit, cowering in all his self doubt. All he’s able to manage is a nod acknowledging the fact that he’d waited for him like always before he climbs into the car, buckles his seatbelt and waits. Robert’s quiet too as they drive back toward the village. Now that they’ve exhausted the weather as a topic, there really is nothing left to say. He wants to tell him that he actually spoke in group today, thinks Robert would be proud of him if he knew but he can’t bring himself to get the words out. It’s like if he can’t say ‘I love you’ than nothing else matters either. 

It’s not like he’s never said the words before. He has and he’d meant them too. It’s just been a long time, too long for him to even remember how it feels to mean them. He’d said them to his mum and then she’d left him. He’d said them to his dad and then he’d, well, he’d done what he did. He’s just not sure he has it in him to risk it again. There’s one thing he knows for sure though, he hates hurting Robert like this because he knows it’s killing him. 

The car pulls to a stop in front of Smithy and Aaron wants to race out of the car and avoid this situation but he stays because Robert looks so sad and he hates that he’s just so confused about it all. He watches the way Robert’s hand shakes as he turns the key, cuts the engine off. His eyes look glassy and Aaron’s not sure he’s ever seen him properly cry but it seems like he might now and that scares the hell out of him. He can’t keep doing this to him. 

“Aaron,” he says in his soft voice, a slight tremor to it. “You know- well you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” 

He nods but it’s a lie. He can’t talk to him about this. He’s not even sure he knows how. 

“Look, I’m…” Robert starts, pauses like he was getting ahead of his own thoughts and he needs to wait for his brain to catch up. “I guess I’m sorry if-well if what I said made you uncomfortable or something…”

Aaron can’t believe he’s actually apologizing now for loving him, like he’s done something wrong. He’s the one in the wrong because he can’t figure out how to say it back. He’s too broken for this and he knows that he’s hurting Robert too much. They’re just going to fall apart anyway. It feels inevitable because everyone leaves him or hurts him eventually. Robert keeps trying though, he inches closer across his seat, leans over the center console and runs a hand along his arm. It takes everything in him not to shy away from his touch but when he leans in for a kiss, Aaron can’t do it. He recoils back and winces when he sees the look of shock and hurt on Robert’s face. 

“I can’t,” he sputters. “I don’t-I’m sorry.” He barely even knows what he’s saying, words just spewing out. “Maybe we should just…” 

Robert looks crushed, like he’s physically in pain and Aaron feels awful but it’s better just to get this over with now. He’s better off on his own and Robert should be with someone better than him, someone who can say it back. He deserves that. “I just can’t do this anymore,” he blurts out as he unbuckles his seatbelt and scrambles out of the car. “I’m sorry.” 

He doesn’t wait for a response from Robert; he can’t. Instead, he sprints up the drive and through the door into the safety of the cottage. His chest is heaving from the the run, from the tears threatening to spill. Hands shaking, he shuts the door behind him and leans against it for a moment, trying to calm down but that seems near impossible. Everything is ruined and he misses it already, misses him.

There’s a shuffling behind him and he turns to see Paddy coming in from the surgery, Clyde trotting at his heels, leash hanging from his mouth. It throws him because he feels like his world is ending and here’s Paddy and his dog and it just seems like any other day to them. He must look like he’s in quite a state because Paddy’s face drops when he takes him in. Quickly, he closes his mouth and wipes away any tears that had started sliding down his cheeks. 

“I was going to ask you to take Clyde for a walk but-are you okay?” Paddy asks. 

Aaron nods, doesn’t trust himself to speak. 

“Did something happen?” Paddy pushes. “Is it something to do with Robert? You were out with him weren’t you? Did he do something?” 

Sniffing back more tears, Aaron clears his throat, sounds half like he’s choking. “No, no it’s nothing,” he lies.

He can’t bear another second of standing here under Paddy’s scrutiny, so he bolts, races up to his room and slams the door behind him, hoping Paddy will have enough sense not to follow. Flinging himself down onto his bed, he lets the tears fall in earnest, not even trying to stop them. He doesn’t have it in him. He wonders if he just made the biggest mistake of his life. 

\---

It takes every bit of strength Robert has in him to drive back to the farm, to get out of the car, to go inside. He feels like he did that night at the quarry, watching Aaron stand on the edge, like he doesn’t understand how they got here. Never in a million years did he think that saying he loved Aaron would be the thing that broke them. It doesn’t even make any sense. He wishes he could take it back except it’s true, he does love Aaron and he’s not sure how to stop. It’s why his chest feels like it’s been shattered, like there’s shards stabbing his heart from every angle. He’s this close to crying on the floor except Andy walks into the kitchen, tracking mud in from outside. 

He swallows hard, edges away from his brother, putting the table between them. If he had a hard time discussing his relationship with Aaron with Andy, then talking about the end of it is just about the last thing he wants to do, especially when he doesn’t even understand what happened. 

“Weren’t you out with Aaron?” Andy asks, sorting through a bit of mail and glancing up at him, catching what he’s sure is devastated looking expression. He tries to fix it but he thinks all he manages to do is frown or at best scowl. “Usually you’re happier after spending an afternoon with him.” 

“Yeah, well…” God, he can’t even attempt a lie right now. 

“You’ve been moody all week. I think your boyfriend’s starting to rub off on you,” Andy quips, apparently incapable of reading a room. 

Except he’s not his boyfriend anymore is he? He didn’t even properly confirm what Aaron meant but it seemed pretty final considering the way he ran off like that. Underneath him, his knees buckle a bit and he grips onto the back of the nearest chair to keep himself upright. If he could, he’d go hide out in his room or something like a sulky teenager, but he can’t actually move right now. 

Andy sets the mail down on the table and looks him over again. There’s a flicker of something in his eye like maybe he finally gets what’s happening here. It’s taken him long enough. “Did something happen between you two?” 

“It’s no wonder you never made anything of yourself if you’re this thick,” Robert snaps. He doesn’t care right now if they’re trying to be better. He’s hurting. Andy might as well hurt too. 

“Well it’s no wonder Aaron didn’t want to put up with ya anymore,” Andy jabs back at him, gloves on and ready. 

“Oh because of course it’s all my fault!” Robert shouts back. 

“Usually is,” Andy sighs like he can’t believe he still has to deal with having him for a brother, the screw up that he is. 

“Fuck o-ff!” 

Robert’s voice breaks in the middle and he hates himself for it. Even Andy looks alarmed at that. Suddenly, he’s found his feet again and he pushing past his useless brother and storming out of the house, slamming the door behind him. It rattles in the frame, shaking the whole house and he hopes he scared Andy at least a little. 

\---

He finds himself at the pub, getting a double shot of whiskey off of a sour faced Maisie who looks about as miserable as he feels. Misery loves company and all that. Robert’s just glad that Diane’s not behind the bar today, doesn’t think he could face it. After all, he needs to get drunk and there’s no room for judgy stepmothers in his plans. He settles himself in a booth and sips at his drink, hissing at the burn as it slides down his throat. Drinking it slow isn’t going to help much though so he downs the rest of it in one go, feels the buzz of adrenaline coursing through him, glad to feel something other than numbness or pain. 

“Want another?” 

He looks up to see Holly Barton, a glass of wine in her hand, looming over him, a playful smile on her face. She’s got her hair down, bouncing around her face as she sways in front of him and a flowy blue top to go with it. Perfect, he thinks. Holly Barton could be just the distraction he needs. Digging a wad of cash out of his pocket he hands it to her, figuring she’d probably be skint anyway. 

“Yeah go on, make it another double. And get yourself another glass of wine,” he tells her. 

“But I’ve already got this one, silly,” she grins at him. 

“The more the merrier?” Robert offers. He doesn’t much care, just wants someone to get drunk with. “Hell, get the whole bottle.” 

“I will do,” she say as she takes his money, letting her fingers brush against his. He doesn’t feel a thing and he’s perfectly happy about that. 

She comes back with his whiskey and a bottle of white wine that looks at least halfway decent. Sliding into the booth next to him, she keeps inching closer and closer to him as they drink and talk and he just lets it happen, wants it to. Soon their whole bodies are pressed up against one another and he’s helping her drink her wine, the taste of it mixing with the dregs of his whiskey is making him a bit ill but he doesn’t care. He feels sick about everything anyway. Andy wasn’t exactly wrong. He did manage to screw things up with Aaron, ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him. He deserves to feel awful. 

“So tell-tell me more about London,” Holly slurs. She’s a lightweight and if Robert cared about her at all, he might feel bad, but he doesn’t. 

“London was amazing,” he tells her because it doesn’t matter. 

“And you- you were some hot shot tractor salesman,” she teases. 

“The hottest,” he forces himself to laugh, feeling the alcohol going to his head finally. 

“I bet you were,” Holly giggles. “Still are.” 

Robert nods and takes another drink, foregoing pretense and drinking straight from the bottle until it’s empty. 

“Do ya think you’ll go back?” Holly asks him. “I’ve always wanted to go to London, me.” 

“So you’ve said,” Robert reminds her because he’s pretty sure it’s the fifth or sixth time. He’s lost track. 

“The wine’s gone,” she says sadly, just noticing the empty bottle as she tries to pour herself another glass. 

“Soz. We can get another,” Robert suggests, pulling out more money. 

“Or we could go somewhere else,” she leans into him as she says the words, arms draping over him in a half embrace.

He pulls back from her because it’s getting to be too much, trying to duck out of her grip on him, feeling half like he’s being strangled. All he wants is to be in Aaron’s arms right now but he’s not and he’s miserable. The door to the pub goes and Katie walks in with Chas at her side and all of a sudden he just feels worse if that’s even possible. A burning need to throttle Chas takes over him because he blames her, he thinks, for Aaron not being able to tell him he loves him. If she wasn’t such a useless mum, maybe he wouldn’t be so messed up about it all. 

“So do you want to?” Holly’s whispering in his ear, oblivious to the feelings swirling around inside of him. 

“Huh?” 

“Go somewhere else, silly?” she giggles again, a hiccup interrupting her laugh. 

He certainly doesn’t want to stick around here with them two in plain sight. “Sure, why not.” Looking down at the money in his hand, he knows he’s going to need to be drunker for this. “I’ll just get us another bottle and then we’ll go.” 

They end up at the cricket pavilion. There’s nowhere else to go really. At least there’s no one around there to ask him any questions or judge him or whatever. He thuds down on the steps, popping open the cork on the new bottle of wine he’d bought before they left. Holly smiles at him as she sits down practically on top of him, taking the offered drink and swigging it back. Robert watches her throat move as she swallows it down, wishing he felt something for her but it’s empty, there’s nothing. Holly Barton would be easy, uncomplicated but all he wants is his nightmare of a boyfriend so they can be nightmares together. 

He takes a long draught of the wine when Holly hands it back to him, wishing it were the whiskey bottle he stole the night of Aaron’s birthday. He’d give anything to go back to the start, do it all over again, figure out some way to make it work better. Holly’s body is pressed up against his just like Aaron’s was, but she’s got her hands on his thigh and his shoulder. She’s looking up at him, all drunken smiles but all he can think about is that whiskey flavored first kiss he shared with Aaron on these same steps, how scared he was to make that move but how perfect it had been when he did. 

Suddenly there are a different set of lips on his, just the barest brush against his and he’s jolting backward, smacking his head on the railing. His skull feels like it might split in two on impact but it’s enough to wake him up to the situation. Dragging the back of his hand across his mouth, he tries to rid himself of the feeling, horrified he let that happen. Holly’s pouting and then she’s laughing like it’s all some big joke but it’s not, not to him. Aaron finished with him but it still feels like a betrayal because he knows that he’s not ready to give up on him. 

“This was-this was a mistake,” he tells her. She looks confused so Robert shoves the wine bottle back into her hands and makes it perfectly clear. “What just happened can never happen again. I have to go.” 

His legs are unsteady as he stands, his head a mess but he runs anyway, desperate to get away from here, away from this awful memory that’s now intruding on his thoughts of Aaron. He wipes at his mouth again and runs faster. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, he promises himself, he’s going to get Aaron back. 

\---

“BLT please, Viv,” Paddy says after what feels like hours of indecision. “And Aaron?” 

He shrugs. He’s not even hungry but Paddy insisted on meeting him for his dinner and after three days of avoiding him, he figures he can’t anymore. Still, all he wants to do is get back to the garage. At least with his head shoved under a bonnet, he’s occupied. His thoughts can focus on the inner workings of an engine rather than on what he’s lost. Even though he hasn’t seen him, on purpose because he has come by the garage but he’s always spotted him and hid, Robert has texted him every day. He’s gone back to how it was just after the quarry when he needed to check in and make sure he hadn’t topped himself. Aaron knows he’s probably worried he’ll do it again and he’s caused him enough grief so he always replies just to let him know he’s still breathing. 

“Manners wouldn’t go amiss,” Viv’s sharp voice cuts into his thoughts. He looks up at her, almost confused until he realizes he never answered Paddy’s question and there’s other people queuing up behind them now. 

“Uhh...sorry...ham and cheese,” he mumbles. It doesn’t really matter, probably won’t taste like anything but cardboard right now but maybe he can shove it down. He hasn’t eaten a proper meal in the past three days either. 

“Please?” Viv requests but he doesn’t care, just shrugs again and cringes at the exasperated sigh she gives him as she goes about getting their order. 

“Right,” Paddy says as he turns to look at him, concern etched in every feature. He puts a hand on his shoulder and Aaron pulls away from the touch immediately, staring at the hand like it personally offended him. “Are you going to finally tell me what’s up with ya?”

“At the counter of the cafe like I’m ordering a flipping sandwich? No Patrick,” Aaron deadpans. He can’t talk to anyone about this. 

“Well at the table then,” Paddy tries but Aaron’s already planned to inhale his stupid sandwich as fast as he can and go, leaving no room for talking. “I haven’t seen Robert lately-”

“Don’t Paddy,” Aaron warns him. 

“So something did happen between you two?” 

He doesn’t even have to answer because Robert walks in and you could read their expressions from miles off that there’s something wrong between them. His body freezes and all of a sudden he can’t move and Paddy is staring at him and Viv’s trying to hand him his order and Robert’s inching closer. Everything is wrong and he can’t do this right now. He hears Paddy saying his name, trying to get his attention but it sounds like it’s far off and then he knows he needs to be so he forces his feet to move and he’s brushing past Robert, their bodies connecting briefly. Their shoulders bump against one another and it feels like the best and worst thing in the world and then he’s out the door, sucking the fresh air into his lungs. What’s even worse is that he sees his mum walking up the road and he knows she’s spotted him. 

\---

“Are you going to tell me what all that was about?” Paddy asks, sandwich clutched in his hand. Robert doesn’t know where to begin but he knows he doesn’t want to do it right here so he ushers Paddy away from the counter to a table as far away from gossiping ears as he can get. “Did something happen between you two? Did you do something?” 

Robert growls at him, which feels like something Aaron might do. Maybe he is rubbing off on him. Andy can’t be wrong all the time, he supposes, but he’s getting tired of everyone just assuming this is all his fault. 

“Sorry-sorry-but something did happen?” Paddy tries again. “He’s been moody for weeks now and-well normally I would say that’s just Aaron-but well it seems like maybe it’s more than that and-”

“I told him that I loved him,” he hisses at him just to get him to stop talking, keeping his voice low so that no one else will hear. 

“Oh,” Paddy presses his lips together, his forehead wrinkling as he tries to work out exactly what went wrong. “Sorry. Should-shouldn’t that be a good thing?” 

“‘Should’ being the operative word, Patrick,” Robert says through gritted teeth, adopting Aaron’s name for Paddy when he’s being overly sarcastic with him. He’s definitely rubbing off on him. 

Paddy seems to take the hint as he sits down at the table, Robert following because he doesn’t know what else to do and doesn’t want to cause a scene. “He didn’t say it back?”

“No,” Robert admits for the first time. 

“And what did you say?” Paddy asks. 

Robert sighs, thinking back to that day, to having Aaron in his arms, to feeling that overwhelming feeling and not being able to keep it in any longer. “I told him it was fine, that it was okay he couldn’t say it back.” 

“But it’s not, is it?” Paddy asks, his voice soft and gentle and Robert gets it now why Aaron trusts him so much. 

“I mean, I get it,” Robert says, trying to be as understanding as possible, “but of course I wanted him to say it back. Now it’s all just one giant mess because he won’t talk to me about it at all. And then-”

He doesn’t get a chance to tell him about the break up and Paddy doesn’t get a chance to respond at all because all of a sudden Chas Dingle comes barreling into the cafe, stomping right up to Paddy like she’s on a mission and ignoring his presence as usual, which suits him. He hardly wants to get in the middle of whatever nonsense this is. 

“I just saw Aaron outside. Had a right face on him. Wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Did something happen?” Chas rattles off like a battering ram. 

“Chas,” Paddy says, his calm voice a sharp contrast to hers, as he tries to defuse the hurricane that can be Chas Dingle. 

She slides her eyes to Robert instead, having finally noticed him sitting there. “Was it you?” she asks, her tone accusatory. “Did you do something to my boy? 

Robert’s had enough of her already. “Perfect!” he scoffs. “Just what I need, the woman who abandoned him, twice, in my face!” 

“Don’t turn this around on me, Sugden!” she shouts at him and now they’re definitely causing a scene and Robert wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

Instead he goes for blood, not that she’ll even get it. “You know you’re half the reason he’s like this!” Robert shouts at her, the legs of his chair scraping across the floor as he he gets up. He’s done with her, done with all of this. Pushing past her, he leaves Paddy sitting there stunned and stalks out of the cafe, trying to ignore all of the prying eyes that follow his path. 

“What the hell is going on Paddy?” he hears Chas shriek as the door slams shut behind him. He doesn’t envy Paddy right now but he doesn’t have it in him to care. 

—-

Things go from bad to worse when he gets outside, literally smacking into Katie as she heads for the door to the cafe. He watches her face go from apologetic to angry to smug in a matter of seconds and he braces himself for her reaction, all while casting his gaze about to see if he sees Aaron anywhere. This was the closest he’s gotten to him in three days and he really wants a word this time.

“Having a good day, Robert?” Katie asks, sickly sweet smile suddenly on her face. 

“You what?” He didn’t expect that. 

“Only I saw Aaron run out of here in tears and thought maybe you had something to do with that,” she continues, her voice positively upbeat. 

He was crying? Robert zeros in on that, the only words that matter. He should find him, but what if he does just make it worse. “Just do one, Katie.”

He moves to go past her but her voice follows him. “Chas certainly didn’t look too happy. You really are a terrible influence on him aren’t you?” He wheels around on his heel all gritted teeth and anger, ready for a fight. “You’re a blight on the lives of all the people you touch, Robert. Maybe you should do everyone a favor and do one.”

His rage boils through him and he wants to spit something back at her about her pitiful love life until he remembers that he’s not out and she has no idea he’s been dating Aaron, that he loves him. He deflates then, because what is there to say and what if she’s right? It’s what his dad always said to him. ‘You ruin everything you touch’. It’s hardly the first time he’s considered the truth in his words. 

“What’s the matter, Robert? Nothing to say?” Katie presses. 

She’s just trying to wind him up like always, he knows. He should give her the satisfaction. “Maybe you should spend more time worrying about your own mess of a life,” he tells her and he knows it’s weak but he doesn’t care. She huffs anyway as he turns around again and walks away. 

Looking back, he sees her head into the cafe and then a different girl catches his eye. Holly Barton waving at him as she runs to catch her bus, portfolio flapping along behind her. He feels a wave of nausea wash over him at the sight of her, guilt gnawing at his insides. He’s tried to block out what happened for the past three days but it keeps niggling at him. It’s a strange, new feeling for him. He swore up and down to Katie that he didn’t cheat on her with Sadie after he’d been caught out but even thinking about lying to Aaron about what happened with Holly feels like ripping his heart out. Rubbing the back of his head, he feels the bump that’s still there from where he smacked it on the railing at the cricket pavilion. It’s a constant reminder. 

He heads to the garage to see if Aaron went back to work, knowing he sometimes likes the distraction when he’s upset. Cain’s there and the way he glares at him makes it pretty clear that Aaron’s not there and he’s not welcome either. Sometimes he worries about what Cain might do to him if he finds out he’s been messing around his nephew, not that professing his love really counts as messing. It shouldn’t anyway and yet somehow it feels like it does. 

Eventually he gives up, at least for the moment. He checks the pub but Aaron’s not there either and he stares at the door to Smithy for long enough that he probably looks like a stalker but he’s too scared to knock. Instead, as he gets back into his car, he pulls out his phone and sends Aaron a text because he has nothing left to lose at this point: ‘We need to talk. I’m not ready to lose you yet.’

\---

The dark screen of his phone is still mocking him as Robert pulls up to the house, turning off his car. It just sits there on the passenger side seat reminding him of the person who should be sitting there instead. They should be together and happy and he should be bringing him around for tea because he can do that now. Instead, it’s still all a disaster and he’d only made it worse in the cafe earlier. Picking up his phone, he checks his messages anyway even though he knows a text would have popped up on the screen, and then he shoves it in his pocket to keep himself from staring at it. It’s burning a hole there as he gets out. 

He sees Andy working, trying to get the order together for the supermarket deadline and he knows that he should go and help because he can’t let it all fall on his brother’s shoulders. He knows that. Jack invades his thoughts again, stern tone reprimanding him for skiving but he blocks it out. Andy knows and he believed him and he doesn’t have to let that control his life anymore. Still, he can’t bring himself to go over there so he goes into the house instead. 

The sofa welcomes him, cushions softening the blow as he flops down onto them. His phone jabs him in his side, still in his pocket and he yanks it out again, the screen still empty, nothing to suggest that Aaron’s going to give him another chance. It doesn’t even matter to him anymore if Aaron can tell him that he loves him back. He just wants things to go back to how they used to be. His birthday was pretty much perfect and so were they and he wants to be that again. Chucking the phone onto the coffee table, he watches it skitter across and crash the floor. He’s not even bothered, just leans back and sighs. 

“Are things that bad?” Andy asks, coming into the room. 

“What? You want to blame me for it again?” Robert snaps at him, not wanting to deal with him right now. He’s probably just come in to drag him out to work again. The first thing he’s going to do when the get some money in from the supermarket contract is hire some staff so he doesn’t have to do all of the day to day work. It’s just not for him. 

Andy’s face softens as he looks at him and Robert doesn’t quite know what to do with that. He gently nudges his legs over and perches on the edge of the coffee table, studying him. “Look, I’m sorry, about before,” Andy tells him. “Rob, I don’t wanna fight with ya anymore.”

“That’ll make a change,” Robert refuses to give in, figuring he’ll hold out a little longer and see where this is going before he lets his guard down. 

Andy holds his hands up in surrender. “No judgement, alright? Now, what happened with you and Aaron?” There’s a tired sincerity to his tone and Robert feels that in his bones. Sometimes he’s just exhausted trying to keep up his guard all the time. 

“He dumped me,” Robert sighs, wincing at the words a little. It’s still raw. 

“What? Why?” Andy asks, sounds upset for him and that’s new. 

“It’s noth-”

“Rob, don’t do that!” 

“Do what?” He sits up, glaring at him incredulously, his hackles raised again. 

“Try and play it off like it doesn’t matter. It obviously does. Why can’t you just talk to me?” Andy asks, pleading a little like he did the other day. 

He holds it in a little longer, his breathing shaky as he takes in air through flared nostrils. Talking with Andy honestly about his love life, especially about Aaron, just makes him feel so uncomfortable in his skin. He also knows he needs to say it. Paddy made it easier somehow and he kind of wishes he had a Paddy too. 

“Rob?” 

“I told him I loved him, alright? And he didn’t say it back and well...there’s a lot of stuff that I can’t tell you because it’s not mine to tell so don’t even ask but...he won’t talk to me about it either and-and I don’t know but it’s a mess.” He just blurts it all out, vomits the words all over Andy who just sits there stunned. 

“You told him you loved him and he finished with ya?” Andy summarizes for him dumbly. 

“Basically,” Robert sighs. 

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Andy says, scrunching his forehead up like he’s trying to put together a puzzle without all of the pieces. 

Robert shrugs. He gets it somewhat, but he can’t explain any of that to Andy, not without spilling all of Aaron’s secrets. It’s just that he wishes Aaron could talk to him about what he’s feeling instead of bottling it all up because that’s how he ended up on the edge of that quarry and he doesn’t ever want to get back to that. He just hates that after everything they’ve already been through that Aaron is still keeping him at arms length, that he still doesn’t trust him. That’s what hurts the most. He’s not good enough. 

“So...what are you going to do?” Andy asks. 

“Keep trying I guess,” Robert says, because it’s all he can do. Somehow he has to get Aaron to trust him, properly. 

“Right,” Andy says, wringing his hands, looking awkward. “Well, if you’re at a loose end until then-”

“Oh so this is just a ploy to get me to work?” he cuts in, but there’s no heat behind it for once. That’s progress he supposes. 

Andy gets defensive anyway. “It was you who got us this contract!” Robert supposes it’s going to take a while for them to sort out this new relationship they seem to be forging. 

“Yeah, and it was still a good idea and you will thank me for it one day,” Robert tells him. 

“Maybe after we get the first order out,” Andy relents a bit. 

“Fair enough,” Robert agrees, watches Andy stand and actually offers his hand out for his brother to help pull him off the sofa. Andy’s eyes widen but he grabs hold of him and helps him up anyway, slapping him reassuringly across the back. It’s there version of affection he supposes, which is fine with him. 

“Don’t forget your phone,” Andy teases. Robert shoots him a glare. “I’m sure he’ll get in touch.”

Robert nods, checks his messages one last time and then follows Andy back outside. 

\---

The cottage is quiet all around him, aside from the occasional creak here and there. Aaron covers his ears against it, determined not to let it get to him. It feels like it’s been forever since he ran out of the cafe, expected Paddy to be here pestering him already but he hasn’t come yet. He presses his hands against his ears harder, warding off the memory of his mum’s voice screeching after him as he tried to brush by her. She’d reached out for him though, grabbed his arm and he’d wrenched it away so fast he nearly knocked her over. He couldn’t deal with her, not with all of this in his head too. And then there was Robert, just standing there in the cafe, staring at him like all he wanted to do was reach out and pull him into a hug or something and that was the last thing he deserved. 

His phone buzzes on the floor next to him and picks it up cautiously, seeing Robert’s name pop up. He’s already texted him once today, didn’t expect another. ‘We need to talk. I’m not ready to lose you yet,’ he reads and then there’s tears in his eyes and he’s wiping them away as fast as he can. He doesn’t understand why Robert wants anything to do with him anymore after everything, everything he can’t say. 

He hears the door go downstairs, finally, tracks Paddy’s familiar footsteps up the stairs until he can hear him shuffling outside his door, unsure of himself. The knock is tentative, like he’s scared to spook him and he hates that too. He hates that everyone has to walk on eggshells around him because they might set him off. It’s why he keeps his mouth shut, because if they all knew everything, they’d treat him like this all the time. 

He’s sitting on his floor, leaning back against his bed so he can reach the door easily, rising to his knees and turning the handle slightly before slumping back down to the floor. Paddy takes the hint eventually and pokes his head in, looking down at him sadly. Slipping inside, he closes the door behind him and brings himself down to Aaron’s level, sitting awkwardly on the floor, his back against the door. Aaron can already tell that he knows. 

“Expected you sooner to be honest,” he says. 

“Well I had to talk your-well your mum came in and-” Paddy’s doing his nervous rambling thing as always. 

“How big a scene did she make?” he asks. 

“Well she had a go at Robert first and then-”

“How is he?” Aaron interrupts him because he can’t help himself. 

“Well he had a go at her too,” Paddy fills him in. “In any case, I calmed her down eventually.” 

Aaron nods, pictures Robert shouting at Chas, wonders what he said but doesn’t want to ask. 

“Aaron,” Paddy says softly and he knows it’s coming now. “Robert told me what happened, what he said and-” 

“That I didn’t say it back?” Aaron finishes for him like an admission of guilt. 

“Well, yeah. Why didn’t ya? Paddy asks and it’s a fair question for a normal person but he can’t really answer that and that’s the problem so he just shrugs. “Do you not?” 

And there it is, because well, “I don’t know,” he admits. 

“So it’s just too soon?” Paddy pushes, trying to get to the bottom of things he doesn’t understand, that Aaron barely understands. 

“No, I mean, maybe,” Aaron mumbles, head down, chin against his chest. His shoulders are up around his ears, head cradled in the hood of his sweatshirt as he leans it against the bed. He wraps his arms around his knees, trying to make himself as small as possible. “I mean, don’t know how I feel. I hardly have anything to compare it to and-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Paddy says. He takes his time then, like he’s trying to pick out the right words and Aaron let’s him. “You obviously like him,” he comes up with in the end. 

Aaron nods, because he does, of course he does. He wouldn’t be in this whole stupid mess if he didn’t. 

“Right, well that’s the first step,” Paddy smiles at him. “And you care about him, yeah?” 

He shrugs, not because he doesn’t but because he knows where this is going and he’s not sure he can get there. He’s not used to caring about people because he’s always had to look out for himself because no one else was, not till Paddy, not till Robert. 

“I don’t think you’d be this upset if you didn’t,” Paddy encourages him. 

“I broke up with him,” Aaron blurts out, tears forming in his eyes again. 

“Why’d you go and do that?” Paddy asks. “Do you not want to be with him?” 

“No!” Aaron cries out, “I mean, no, I do want to but-I don’t-I don’t want to hurt him and-”

“You don’t want him to hurt you?” Paddy finishes and Aaron just stares at him because he’s not wrong. 

“I don’t even understand why he said it.” The tears are falling now and he doesn’t even make an attempt to stop them, just pulls his knees in closer to his chest. 

“For what it’s worth,” Paddy says, “and I know this is going to sound strange coming from me, all things considered, but what I saw from him today in the cafe, I really believe he does love you. I think the last thing he wants to do is hurt you.” 

Aaron bites at his lip, hard. “It’s all just so messed up Paddy, and I’m- I’m a mess and I-I don’t know if I ever can feel like that. I just- I’m broken or summat.” 

“You’re not broken.” Paddy says it like statement, a fact, but it doesn’t feel like that. He inches closer to him until he’s sitting beside him and he puts an arm around him, pulling him into a half embrace. Aaron lets his head fall onto Paddy’s shoulder, tries to take comfort from it. “You just need to be honest with him, even if you can’t tell him you love him back, just say what you do feel. I think he just wants you to talk to him. I think that’ll be enough.” 

“And what if it’s not?” Aaron asks, his voice shaking a bit. 

“Then I’ll go back to thinking Robert Sugden is an idiot and a waste of space,” Paddy chuckles, Aaron feeling the reverberations flow through him. 

He opens up Robert’s message on his phone again and looks at it, Paddy reading the text over his shoulder. 

“See, there you go. Just go and see him. I can drive you if you want,” Paddy suggests. 

Aaron shakes his head. “I’d rather walk.” 

\---

He does walk, slow, then fast, then slow again, thinking over everything, replaying Paddy’s words in his head. He’s not broken, he tries to tell himself but he’s not sure he believes it. If he wasn’t, he’d be able to do this, to say it, to know what it means. It’s nearly tea time by the time he trudges up toward the farmhouse, but he makes himself keep putting one foot in front of the other until he’s standing at the front door and forcing himself to knock. It’s Andy that answers and he looks at him like he knows and that just makes him want to run, but he came here for a reason. He needs to do this because he’s miserable and he misses Robert. 

“Is uh-” 

“He’s not here,” Andy cuts him off, a little edge to his tone. 

“Oh,” Aaron drops his gaze down to his feet. He didn’t expect that. 

“He’s out in the barn, tinkering with the quad again. Leaving me to do the tea as usual,” Andy says but there’s a small smile on his face and it warms Aaron’s heart to see it. 

“Right.” He turns on his heel to go but Andy stops him. 

“Don’t hurt him, yeah?” There’s a fierceness to Andy’s voice, like he wants to protect his brother and that warms his heart too. 

“I don’t want to,” Aaron shakes his head and turns away before he starts crying again already. 

He stops outside the barn, lingers on the other side of the slightly open door, listening. A string of curses flows out as he hears the clank of metal against metal and he can’t help the smirk that graces his face. Robert really is a shit mechanic. His brief smile fades when Robert sighs and he put his hand on the door, ready to push it in. Taking a deep breath, he tells himself it’s now or never. He has to do this. 

\---

Robert looks up when he hears the door swing open. He expects to see Andy standing there, calling him in for tea but his mouth drops open when he sees that it’s Aaron. His phone is still in his hand. He’d been checking it again for a text off Aaron but now he’s here standing in front of him and it makes both is heart race and his stomach drop. Aaron strides in, looking like he’s trying to be confident, to psyche himself up but Robert can see the cracks in the facade and he knows he’s bricking it. He should tell him about the Holly thing now, get it over with. He opens his mouth to but Aaron cuts him off. 

“No,” Aaron says. “Look, just let me get through this okay?” 

Robert nods, drops his hands to his sides, phone in one and wrench in the other. 

Aaron’s biting at his lip and the silence is drawing out between them and Robert just needs him to talk because this is how they’ve been for weeks now and he’s sick of it. He can’t take it anymore. He lets his mouth open again, to tell him about Holly or just to prompt him and Aaron seems to take the hint.

“I’m sorry,” he starts and Robert nods again, lets him know he’s listening. “I’m sorry I ended things. I-I didn’t want to, I don’t want to. I don’t want to give up on us either.” 

Robert’s eyes drop to his phone for a second. At least Aaron seems to have read his text. 

“Look, what you said-”

“When I told you I loved you,” Robert can’t help himself. 

Aaron’s gaze flits to the floor for a moment before finding him again. “Yeah.” He bites at his lip again and Robert tries to be patient with him. “Sorry, I don’t know how to do this.” 

Aaron deflates, looks panicked and Robert just wants to give him a hug and tell him it’s going to be okay but they need to have this conversation. “I just need you to talk to me, Aaron, to be honest with me.” 

“And I want to be. Just-look, right, for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel okay, being me and well, I’ve got a ways to go yet, but I’m getting there and that’s, well it’s down to you,” Aaron tells him, looks him right in the eye when he says it so Robert knows he means it. It fills him with pride that he’s been able to give that to him, and Aaron’s given it right back. It’s why he loves him. “You’ve been there so much for me lately,” Aaron continues, “and I’m so grateful for that, really, more than I can say cause, well, cause I’m rubbish at this.”

“You’re doing fine,” Robert tells him and the corners of Aaron’s mouth quirk up into a little smile. 

“So I wanna be honest with you but I’m scared,” Aaron says, pauses and takes a breath. There’s tears on his face now and Robert wants to wipe them away for him. “Scared of losing you.” 

“Why would you be scared of losing me?” he asks because he’s not going anywhere, not now when they’ve come this far. Aaron looks down again, digs his toe into the dirt floor of the barn, looking thoroughly uncomfortable and it dawns on him. “Because you don’t love me?” It hurts to even ask. 

“No,” Aaron says quietly, barely able to look at him. There’s tears in Robert’s eyes now too. “Not no, exactly, more, I don’t know. I just-I don’t have a lot to compare it to. I just-I’ve got all this stuff going on in my head all the time and it’s hard.”

“I know it’s hard,” Robert tells him, stopping a tear as it slides down his own cheek. 

“I’m not really used to people giving a damn about me and it’s hard to know how to give one back, okay, let alone...love someone. I think-I think I did once but-”

Robert knows what he’s getting at, knows he’s talking about being a kid, loving his parents like you’re supposed to and look what they did to him. He gets it, always has, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept that Aaron doesn’t love him, that he can’t. “You don’t trust me?” 

“I want to,” Aaron says, his voice so small and quiet that Robert has to strain to hear the words. “But it’s hard, because who’s ever going to want to be with someone like me, to stay with someone like me, to love someone like me when no one ever has before, not for keeps.” 

More tears fall down both of their faces and Robert inches closer around the quad bike towards him. “I do,” he says first. “And...it was hard for me too, to tell you. I mean, yeah, I’ve said it before, but I don’t think I’ve ever meant it, not properly, but...I did mean it, you know?”

“I know,” Aaron admits, burying his shaking hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “I don’t-I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to say it back but-but I do feel stuff about you. I do, I care about you, a lot and- and I want to be able to say it but-”

“But it’s hard,” Robert finishes for him and it’s breaking his heart to see Aaron standing there pouring his own heart out to him because he knows just how much courage it took for him to come here and say all of this. It’s not an ‘I love you’ back but it’s something.

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees, “But-but you know how I feel about you, right?” 

There’s a hope in his tone and Robert latches onto it and then his heart sinks a bit because he was going to tell him about Holly and now he can’t, he can’t ruin this because it would ruin them. All he wants is to have Aaron back and he can’t wreck that. It didn’t mean anything, he tells himself to justify it. He hates keeping it from him but Aaron’s here, telling him how he feels and that means everything to him. 

“I know,” he tells him and he does.

Aaron nods curtly, swallows hard and brushes the tears off his face furiously with the sleeve of his hoodie over the back of his hand. Putting on that mask of confidence again, he closes the gap between them. He stares at his lips for a moment and Robert’s waiting, anticipating his kiss, already tasting it but then he feels the wrench in his hand being ripped from his fingers. The wrench tumbles through the air as Aaron tosses it from one hand to the other and then backs off, walking around the quad bike. 

“So...you sounded like you were having a lot of trouble with this when I walked up,” Aaron says, a teasing, playful tone to his voice and god, Robert’s missed that. 

“Was not,” he banters back even though he knows it’s a weak comeback but who cares. He’s got Aaron smiling at him and he wasn’t sure he’d ever have that again. 

“Think you need a real mechanic to show you how it’s done.” Aaron winks at him and tosses the wrench between hands again. Robert knows he’s half just trying to deflect from the seriousness of their conversation but he’ll indulge him in this. It’s so good to see him look happy. 

“Oh and that’s you is it?” Robert rounds the quad so they’re standing on the same side again. 

“Going to college for it ‘n all!” Aaron quips. “So, you gonna help me with this quad bike or not?” 

Burying everything else, Robert pulls Aaron into him by the waist until they’re flush against each other and kisses him, smiling into it and out of it. With another grin, he gives him a wink back, “Or not,” he says and slips his hand underneath his hoodie, Aaron’s lips finding his again.

When they pull back from each other finally, catching their breath, Aaron looks up him, shy all of a sudden. “Are we okay?” he asks, tentative again. 

“Yeah, we’re okay,” Robert says. “More than.” 

They both lean in for another kiss, needing to feel that connection and Robert feels like he never wants to let him go. Andy and tea can wait.


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron helps Robert out on the farm. Paddy invites Robert over for tea. Chas tries to get to know Aaron again. Adam spills a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter is so late. Time just got away from me with other projects. And also you'll all hate me for how this chapter ends but I will do my best to get the next one up sooner than this one. 
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks to all those who have commented before.

May 2010

Drifting slowly out of a pleasant but fuzzy dream, Aaron wakes but doesn’t open his eyes yet. Instead, he lays there, piecing together the night before. He remembers his walk to the farm, Andy’s warning, pouring out everything he had in him to Robert and miraculously, Robert didn’t turn him away, didn’t run. Even now, a pair of strong arms wrapped around him, nose pressed into the back of his neck, he can’t quite believe it. 

They hadn’t made much progress on the quad bike, too busy seeing to each other instead. Aaron smiles at the memory, lets his hand drift down to rest on top of Robert’s over his stomach, pressed up under his t-shirt. They’d made an attempt after but they weren’t exactly focused and decided a drink at the pub would be a far better use of their time. Aaron was sure he could fix it quickly today anyway, as long as he didn’t have any...distractions. 

He feels Robert’s breathing change from hot, steady deep breaths across his skin to shallower ones, feels him stir slightly. “You awake?” he asks. 

“Mmm,” Robert hums, his lips vibrating against the top of his spine. It makes him shiver and Robert instinctively hugs him to his body tighter. 

“We should get up,” he tells him even though that’s about the last thing he wants. If he could just spend the whole day lying in Robert’s arms, it would be a good day. “You know...before Paddy gets up and all.” 

Robert mouths at the back of his neck, just under his hairline, pressing wet kisses into his skin. He never wants him to stop, shifting slightly so his lips find that spot just under his ear he’s realized he likes so much. Pulling his earlobe into his mouth, Robert detaches his hands from Aaron’s and slides one down his torso, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers. 

“Robert,” Aaron warns him even as he arches his back into him, relishing the feel of his fingers around him. 

“What?” Robert asks as he pulls his hand away, Aaron sighing at the loss of contact. “It’s not like he doesn’t know.” 

“I know...but...it’s weird innit?” Aaron sobers up a bit. Thinking about Paddy has that effect. 

“Yeah, suppose,” Robert agrees, though there’s reluctance in his tone. 

They hadn’t cared much last night when they’d stumbled in late, tipsy from a few too many at the Woolpack, Robert not wanting to drive home. Hands and mouths had been everywhere then, though they hadn’t gotten too far before they’d both passed out, cuddled up close on his bed. It had turned into a good night after a shit start to the day and the happy warm feeling in his chest was a new one, but he likes it. 

“And I did promise Andy I’d be there early to help on the farm today,” Aaron reminds him. 

“Right...that. Do we have to?” Robert groans. 

“It’s your farm!” he teases him, turning a bit to try and tickle him even though Robert is stubbornly not ticklish like he is. 

“And I’d rather be here with you,” Robert points out and leans in, kissing him, ignoring the taste of morning breath and stale beer. 

“Me too,” Aaron admits, kissing him back, but he also wants to get out of the house before Paddy gets up so he pulls back and grabs his hand, tugging him up from the bed. “Come on trouble.” 

Robert grins at the nickname and follows. 

They shower together just because well, it’d be weird if Paddy heard the shower going twice. It had nothing to do with the fact that they were all over each other again, nothing. He’s amazed they actually managed to get dressed and make it down the stairs at all, Robert still in yesterday’s clothes. The last few steps are a challenge, the wood creaking beneath them, as they try and be quiet but then he hears noise coming from the kitchen and he freezes. Robert looks at him wide eyed like all of a sudden he remembers reality and doesn’t know how to do this either, to be them, in front of other people. 

“Aaron did you finish the last of the bread?” Paddy shouts him. “You could’ve told me! I’d have bought more.” 

His whole body is tense, hand braced against the wall for support. He wishes they could have just woken up a little earlier, gotten out before Paddy got up, avoided all of this. Clearing his throat cautiously, he knows he needs to say something, anything, because he knows Paddy knows he’s there. “I like toast,” he settles on. 

Paddy pokes his head around the wall mid sentence, nattering on about the shopping some more and then stops in his tracks when he sees them together, Robert doing his best to hide behind him, which is ridiculous considering he’s taller. “Oh,” is all Paddy can seem to manage at first. 

“Sorry,” Aaron apologizes immediately. “I uhh, I should have said.” 

“You should have said,” Paddy agrees with a smile and wink and Aaron wants the ground to open up and swallow him right there. “Morning Robert.” 

“Uhh…” Robert’s at a loss for a second before he gets himself together and says, “Morning.” 

“So I guess you’re all sorted then?” Paddy asks. 

Aaron looks back at Robert, seeking some kind of reassurance and Robert gives it to him. A soft smile and a hand on his back and he feels settled again. “Yeah, we are,” he replies, shocked at the softness in his own voice. He clears his throat again because that was weird. “We uhh, we better be going then.” 

“No!” Paddy exclaims, “Stay! There’s no bread, but I could-I could do you some eggs or something.” 

“We can’t,” Robert cuts in, saving him. “We’ve got a lot on up at the farm today with that supermarket order. Everyone’s chipping in, even this one.” He nudges at Aaron’s shoulder. 

“Yeah it’s my day off so…” Aaron says. 

“Day off and you’re willingly spending it doing more work,” Paddy laughs. “Must be lo-” 

They all freeze as Paddy cuts off the word, awkward silence weighing down the moment, stretching it out until it breaks. 

“It’s fine,” Robert fills the void but Aaron still feels a pang of guilt. He’s just glad Robert is giving him this chance. “We’ve sorted it, remember.” 

“I’m happy for you,” Paddy blurts out, giving Aaron an encouraging grin. “Really, I am.” 

“Right well-” Aaron starts, just wanting to escape, to do anything to avoid this awkwardness. 

“You should come round for your tea! You know...after,” Paddy says quickly like he doesn’t want them to go just yet. Aaron wishes he wouldn’t try so hard sometimes. “I just, well it’d be nice, you know, well I should get to know Robert better...properly.” 

“Why does that sound like a threat?” Robert mutters quietly behind him and he can’t help the little smile that appears on his face briefly before it slides back into his panicked expression. 

“What are you gonna do? Make us spaghetti hoops or summat?” Aaron asks, trying to diffuse the tension, trying to get out of it all together. “You’re hardly known for your culinary talents.” 

Paddy cocks his head to one side, considering arguing that but decides against it seemingly. It’s when his face lights up that Aaron gets nervous. “I’ll get something from Marlon!” 

Aaron’s eyes bulge and he feels Robert stiffen beside him, the hand on his back going rigid. 

“No, no I didn’t mean. I’m not going to invite him round or anything. I just meant, I’ll pick something up from the pub,” Paddy assures them. 

All Aaron wants is to get out of there as quickly as possible now. It’s all too weird but he knows Paddy will just keep banging on about it until he agrees so he might as well just get it over with. Just standing here with Robert in front of him with him knowing, it’s freaking him out but he’s got to get used to it at some point. He knows it’s going to be the same up at the farm today, Andy and Victoria watching their every move. He just wishes they could all move past that point, that it could just be normal even if it still only barely feels normal to him. 

“Yeah, fine,” he says quickly, hears Robert start to protest behind him but turns and grabs him, pushing him out the door. 

“Great!” he hears Paddy shout after them and mutters an apology Robert’s way as they hurry down the driveway. 

\---

The walk to the pub where Robert left his car the night before is filled with the sounds of the village waking up around them. Pearl waves to them as she heads toward the surgery, looking eager and way too early. They can hear Val and Eric arguing about deliveries for the restaurant at the B&B and Aaron sees Robert shake his head at them. He forgets sometimes that he’s sort of related to Val through Diane. Robert always jokes that Dingles are a confusing mess, but the Sugdens and their extras are just as widespread it seems. In the distance, he sees the door to the Mill open up, his mum and Carl emerging, marching toward the cafe. His mum looks like she’s in desperate need for a coffee before her shift at the factory and he can relate, he thinks, as he yawns. Just because they might share a need for caffeine though, doesn’t mean he actually wants to deal with her right now. He nudges Robert with his shoulder, urging him to walk a bit faster. 

Robert takes the hint but stops short, his mouth forming a grimace. “Think she’s spotted us actually.” 

Aaron swings his gaze back their way to see his mum barreling toward them, Carl trailing behind at a much slower pace with an irritated expression on his face. He hates the mere thought that he might have just the slightest bit it common with Carl King. 

“You want me to stay?” Robert asks him gently. 

“Nah, no need for both of us to suffer ‘er. Go get the car and then come and save me,” Aaron says. 

“Yes boss,” Robert jokes, cheeky grin on his face that Aaron wants to kiss. 

Chas catches up to him just as Robert escapes, which leaves her looking slightly disappointed. She’s out of breath and puffing away, hands on her hips and gawping at him like he’s some sort of caged animal at the zoo. She looks both desperate to reach out and pet him or something and scared he might attack if she does so. He fights the urge roll his eyes and loses. 

“So you’re still friends with...that,” she says once her breathing goes back to normal, gesturing towards the pub where Robert has disappeared around to the carpark. 

“And you’re still sleeping with that,” Aaron says bluntly, nodding towards Carl who’s taking his time to reach them. “Maybe you oughta be spending more time paying attention to who he’s looking at rather than worrying about who I’m-” he falters for a moment. “Who I’m...friends with.”

“No love! I just-you looked dead upset yesterday because of him and I’m worried about you,” she whines at him. 

“How do you even know it had anything to do with him?” Aaron fires back, getting in her face, trying to scare her off. 

She takes a step back, eyes going a bit wide. “Well he was-he was in the cafe...and you stormed out...and-”

“So was Viv! Maybe she set me off!” he shouts. 

“Oh Chas, leave him,” Carl groans as he finally reaches her side. “Can’t we just go get a coffee in peace.” 

“You could always get a coffee with Eve,” Aaron digs. He’s heard the gossip around and seen the way they’ve looked at each other since she arrived. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Carl steps into his space and Aaron squares up to him, ready for a fight. Even if he’s still angry with his mum, he still doesn’t want this idiot to hurt her. 

“I think you know,” Aaron looks him in the eye, not willing to back down. 

He hears a horn beep and turns to see Robert’s car idling on the road beside him, a concerned pair of eyes watching him. Inhaling a deep breath, he rolls his shoulders back, takes a step away from Carl, trying to gather himself, calm down. Somehow Carl King always manages to have this effect on him. 

“I’ve got to go,” he says. 

“Come on love, come for a coffee instead. I just want a chat, make you’re okay,” she pleads with him. 

“That’ll make a change,” Aaron mutters. 

“Watch it,” Carl warns him and Aaron’s about to start in on him again but his mum stops him with a pointed ‘Don’t’ direction at Carl. 

“I just feel like I’m out of the loop on your life, son-”

“And whose fault is that?” he argues, feet shifting back and forth beneath him, picking at his fingers inside the front pocket of his hoodie. 

“Mine, I know,” Chas says. “I know I’ve not exactly been there for you lately, but I want to try and make up for that-” 

“Yeah, well…” Aaron starts. He hates this. He hates that he almost feels like it’s his fault, like he’s too difficult for her, like he makes it too hard. He feels like that caged animal again although this time it’s him that’s torn, between cozying up to her in case he might get a treat or attacking. Neither, he decides. “I really do have to go,” he says. “Promised I’d help out on the farm today, didn’t I.” 

“Oh, right,” she sounds disappointed and it makes his heart ache just a bit. “Well, another time then.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbles, noncommittal. 

She watches him walk around the front of the car and get in the passenger side for a moment before she lets Carl lead her way and back to their original destination of the cafe. Leaning back in his seat, he sighs, trying to quell the range of emotions churning inside of him. He finds Robert’s hand on his, rubbing his thumb back and forth along his before giving his whole hand a squeeze. 

“You okay?” Robert asks, his expression soft when he looks up into his eyes. 

“I’ll be fine, yeah,” Aaron replies, feeling everything else melt away. It always happens when it’s just the two of them. Somehow Robert just makes his whole world sharpen to a point where it’s just them in their bubble and nothing can touch them. “Let’s just get up to the farm.” 

\---

They’re only standing next to each other and yet Robert can feel Andy’s eyes on them, Victoria’s too. It makes him itch a bit because even though they know about them, it’s still weird, being around them together. He feels like they’re just waiting for them to do something, to be different than they have been before. Aaron can feel them staring too, he knows. He can tell by the set of his shoulders and the glances he keeps throwing back their way. This isn’t easy for either of them. Still, it’s not like they’d be all over each other anyway, not when they have a job to do. 

Again, he marvels at the fact that Aaron, never having set foot on a farm until he met him, is better than him at everything. It bothers him with Andy, but with Aaron, he just finds it strangely endearing. He even thinks Jack would have liked him, not that they were together obviously, but he thinks he would have liked Aaron as a person. It gives him some comfort. 

Aaron’s good with the animals, keeping them calm as they load the cattle onto a truck for transport. They’re using a new abattoir that Robert found now that they have a bigger order to fill for the supermarket. Robert’s even thinking about gutting one of the barns and building their own packing plant someday when they have the money and the resources. He really doesn’t want to run the farm for the rest of his life but he wants it to be a success while he is. The money may not be important to Andy so much as the work itself but Robert remembers what it was like when they were kids and the family was struggling to make ends meet. He never wants to be in that place again. 

When the last of the cattle is on board and the truck is driving away, he huffs out a sigh of relief, knowing that at least the bulk of the work is done for the day. Aaron gives him a smile, puts a hand on his shoulder briefly but then yanks it away. They both look down at the ground for a moment before bringing their eyes back up to meet one another. This really shouldn’t be as hard and awkward as they’re making it but he can still sense Andy and Vic watching and he just doesn’t know how to be himself. He knows Andy saw him kiss Aaron from a distance on his birthday, but now it all just seems a lot more real. 

“Couple more hours of work and then I thought we’d head to the pub for our tea,” Andy says, coming over. “Our treat of course Aaron.” 

“Since we’re not paying him, you mean,” Robert translates. He feels bad they can’t but Aaron says he doesn’t mind. “Anyway...we uhh...we can’t.” 

“Why? You two got big plans to stare into each other’s eyes all night?” Vic asks as she joins them, grin on her face. 

“Eh, no?” Aaron grimaces at the thought and Robert laughs. Despite how they are with each other sometimes, he knows Aaron’s far from the soppy type. “Erm...we uhh-”

“Aaron got us roped into tea with Paddy tonight,” Robert finishes for him. He’s not annoyed, per say, but he’s hardly looking forward to it. At least working, there’s things to do, distractions. Tea with Paddy will probably just involve a lot of him staring at the two of them and he can’t think of many worse ways to spend an evening. 

“I said I was sorry,” Aaron mutters. “Better to get it over with.” 

“That’s probably true,” Robert concedes. He knows Paddy wouldn’t have given up easily. 

Vic and Andy both snort with laughter but Robert can feel the warmth in it, like they’re laughing with him and not at him and it’s a new feeling. 

“Don’t envy you there, mate,” Andy says with one last chuckle. “If you two survive, come by to the Woolie later and I’ll shout you both a pint.” 

It’s good natured. It’s their new thing they’re trying out, but Robert still manages to feel somewhat uncomfortable with it. He hates the part of his brain that won’t just let him be at ease with this. Aaron shifts beside him, like he knows and Robert’s amazed at how in tune they are with each other sometimes. 

“Could use a brew,” Aaron says, “before we get back to it.” 

“Good idea!” Vic agrees with too much enthusiasm. She hates working on the farm as much as he does, he suspects. 

“I’ll make it,” Robert offers and nods to Aaron in thanks.

Aaron doesn’t even say he’s helping, just follows him back to the house and thankfully his brother and sister let them go off alone. He’s so happy to have Aaron back at his side, doesn’t care if he ever says he loves him back properly. He can see it in everything he does, even if Aaron can’t. 

The Holly thing still niggles at him though and he hates that he doubted Aaron’s feelings for him even for a second, hates that he put himself in a position where she kissed him even if he didn’t kiss her back. He still feels rubbish about it. The thought of destroying what he has with Aaron now though but telling him about the nothing that didn’t happen fills him with dread. He knows he should do it, because what if she lets something slip, but he just can’t bring himself to get the words out. 

Grabbing the kettle immediately when they walk in, Aaron sets about filling it with water while Robert watches him, the two of them exchanging smiles like they just can’t help themselves. No, he definitely can’t ruin this. It would wreck both of them, he’s sure of it. 

Aaron sets the kettle to boil and walks over to him, settles his hands on shoulders first and then lets them drift down his arms to his elbows as Robert’s hand find his waist. They always seem to end up like this. He leans in for a kiss as they take what they need from each other before resting their foreheads against each other’s. 

“Doing okay?” Aaron asks him, his voice soft. That’s the tone that lets him know that Aaron loves him even without the words. 

“Yeah,” he replies, his voice equally soft. “You? You know with Chas and Carl earlier?” 

Aaron tenses a bit at the mention of them but Robert massages the skin at his hips through the fabric of his overalls and he can feel him calm down. “He just winds me up so much!” Aaron admits, the softness gone from his voice again. “And I know he’s gonna hurt her. And then I hate that I care…” 

“She’s your mum,” Robert says simply. “Of course you care.” 

“Yeah,” he concedes, “but I also hate her trying to butt into my life like she has any right to after what she did.” 

“I know,” Robert tells him. He knows how complicated it is between them, knows more than even Chas. He hates her a bit for leaving him with his dad but he knows that if she knew, she’d fight like hell for him. He can see that. One day, he hopes that Aaron will be able to tell her what happened. “It’ll all work out,” he tries to put him at ease, giving him another kiss, this one lingering a bit even if neither one of them deepen it. 

“Tea ready yet?” Andy’s voice breaks them apart as he trudges into the kitchen, tracking in mud with his boots. “Oh-uhh...sorry.” 

The kettle whistles and saves him having to respond as Aaron goes to pull it off the stove and he goes to get the mugs. They busy themselves pouring in the water and putting the tea bags in, getting milk from the fridge and sugar from the cupboard, barely making eye contact with each other even though they are still perfectly in sync with their movements. 

Aaron takes his mug and another. “I’ll umm...I’ll go give this to Vic,” he says quickly and heads out the door. 

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Andy says as he takes the last mug off the counter. 

“Do what?” Robert asks, not making eye contact with Andy either. 

“Spring apart like that every time I enter the room or stand apart from each other while we’re working or whatever it is you two were doing all morning,” Andy chuckles. 

Robert shuffles back and forth uncomfortably, wondering if he’ll ever get used to these conversations. “It’s just weird,” he manages. 

“It’s a bit weird for me too,” Andy tells him, gone serious for a moment. “But it’s nice.” 

“Nice?” Robert looks up. It’s the last word he expected him to say. 

“The way you are with each other, the way you are, with him. It’s just not a side I see of you very often. So...yeah...it’s nice,” Andy tries to explain. 

“I guess,” Robert says for lack of anything better. He hasn’t really thought about it, how the way he is with Aaron is different from how he is with everyone else. It’s true though, he realizes now, and he does like that version of himself. He just doesn’t know how to be that person with anyone but Aaron, sort of like how Aaron doesn’t know how to not let Carl wind him up. 

“And I do genuinely hope things go well with Paddy tonight,” Andy says out of the blue. “I wasn’t trying to take the mick earlier.” 

“It’s gonna be a disaster,” Robert lets himself laugh. “An entire meal of Paddy babbling on about us and trying not to be awkward?” 

Andy grins at him. “I was serious about that pint too.” 

“Cheers,” Robert finds himself smiling back. “I think I might need it.”

\---

“Maybe we should just bin this off and go to the pub,” Aaron says as they get out of the car. 

“What happened to ‘it’s better to get it over with’?” Robert laughs as he climbs out. 

“Don’t know what I was thinking, agreeing to this,” Aaron sighs as he comes round to stand beside him. 

“We’re going to have to get used to this sometime,” Robert tells him, trying to psych himself up as well. “You were right, better to get it over with now. At least we’re in it together.” 

“Yeah...suppose,’ Aaron mumbles and Robert gives his hand a quick squeeze as the front door opens and Paddy shoos a persistent Marlon out of the cottage. 

Aaron pulls his hand away immediately and Robert shoves his in his pocket as they watch the scene unfold. He can tell all Aaron wants to do is bolt but he leans into his shoulder for a second to let him know that he knows and then he settles. Marlon’s turned back around, gesturing at Paddy with gangly arms and if this didn’t have to do with them, Robert would probably find it hilarious. 

“You’re really not going to tell me what I spent hours slaving over a hot stove in the kitchen for?” Marlon exclaims. “Come on Paddy!” 

“No!” Paddy stands his ground, crossing his arms for extra petulant effort. He shoves playfully at him again, trying to get him to go. 

Marlon’s turned slightly as Paddy pushes him and he spots them standing at the car watching. “Them? All this is for them?” he asks, incredulous. “You don’t even like Robert Sugden!” 

“Shush!” Paddy tries but he’s practically shouting it so it’s not like Robert wouldn’t have heard anyway, not that it’s a secret. 

“Unbelievable!” Marlon throws his hands up. “I’ll get the full story out of you later. You can count on that.” He strolls down the drive and stops before them, Aaron’s face completely pale, “I hope you enjoy the gourmet burgers!” 

Robert watches him go, trying to slow down his heart rate. He hopes Paddy can stick to his word and doesn’t let slip to his best friend about them. Aaron would lose it and he doesn’t want to set him back anymore than his love confession already did. With another shoulder nudge to kickstart him, they make their way up to the house, Robert’s hands shaking and Aaron’s knees. It’s already a disaster. 

It gets worse when they get inside. 

“So...how did today go then?” Paddy asks as he potters around the kitchen, setting out the food. “Rope any...cattle?” Somehow everything he says could be mistaken for a euphemism the way he goes about a conversation. 

Aaron rolls his eyes and squirms beside him. 

Robert can tell he’s still worried about Marlon too. “Everything that needed doing got done,” Robert responds since Aaron seems incapable. 

“Right. Well...that’s good,” Paddy says awkwardly. There’s an awkward pause where none of them quite know what to say or do before Paddy sits down and gestures to the two chairs across from him at the table. “Well, sit down then, before the food gets cold.”

The chairs are a little too close together for comfort, though Robert wouldn’t mind if it was just them, and Aaron drags his a little ways away before he sits down, scowl on his face. He doesn’t know how to act either but he hates watching Aaron almost shut down in these types of situations. His shoulders are rigid and his fingers tensely grip the edge of the table. Robert takes his seat too, nudging his foot under the table to try and ground him again. It doesn’t quite have the desired effect, Aaron jumping a bit instead. Paddy’s caught off guard by the sudden jerk of motion and nearly tips his beer over as a result. Very smooth. 

“So...Robert,” Paddy starts out and he braces himself for whatever awkward question he’s about to come up with. “How is it being back-I mean...being back in the village.”

“He’s been back over a year Paddy,” Aaron sneers at him before Robert can even get a word out. 

“Well I know that,” Paddy says, “I just-well…”

“Don’t like me very much and never thought to ask before now?” Robert can’t help himself. 

“No!” Paddy nearly shouts. “Oh. Marlon didn’t-well he did but...but I don’t. I promise.”

Robert rolls his eyes a bit because it’s probably not true but if Paddy’s willing to make the effort so will he. He sees Aaron tense up a bit more at the mention of Marlon’s name and he reaches out a hand, laying on his shoulder. Giving it a squeeze to try and offer some comfort, he tries to catch Aaron’s eye but he doesn’t look his way, just shrugs away from his touch. He pulls his hand back quick, not wanting to make it worse for him. 

Instead he smirks at Aaron’s grimace as he takes a bite of his burger. Marlon’s definitely put more than Aaron’s usual cheese topping on there. Taking a bite of his, he actually finds it quite good, not that he’ll tell the chef. He’s not surprised to see Aaron set his down though, pulling off the top bun and removing the extra garnishes until it’s plain. Paddy watches him to, his jaw hanging open a bit. 

“He’s not really a fan of anything but a plain cheeseburger,” Robert laughs. “Had to get the pub we went to in the West End to make him one special.” 

“Right, London,” Paddy says like it’s some new discovery. “That was-well you were-well...together then...weren’t you?”

Aaron stops eating mid bite beside him, looking uncomfortable. Maybe it would just be better if they ate in silence. Still, Robert knows he needs to step up and try and ease the situation, for Aaron’s sake. 

“Yeah we were,” he answers simply. 

“Aaron didn’t tell me much about it,” Paddy says. “Guess now I know why. So…”

“It was great,” Robert replies, thinking back to it, a smile on his face. He wants to see Aaron smile too. “And I got to find out this one’s afraid of heights,” he teases. 

Jerking his head toward him, Aaron frowns, “Am not!” 

“Are you kidding? You were proper terrified being on that ferris wheel,” Robert laughs. 

“Aaron on a ferris wheel?” Paddy picks up on it. 

“Shut up!” Aaron says, trying to stay moody but breaking, a grin forcing its way onto his face as he can’t resist a playful shove. 

“Oh,” Robert remembers, pulling out his phone, “I’ve got pictures!” 

Aaron’s eyes widen in horror, “No! God I thought I told you to delete all of those!” There’s still a smile on his face though as Robert scrolls through his phone, looking for the right ones, feeling a bit smug that he managed to get Aaron to relax a bit. 

Paddy’s leaning over the table, trying to get a good look, his face lighting up when he sees a shot of Aaron sitting there with his death grip on the seat in the London Eye capsule. He scrolls through a few more, looking for his favorite, the one of Aaron finally looking out of the glass window over the city, a smile on his face and his eyes wide with a childlike wonder. He’s almost found it when Clyde barks and there’s a commotion at the door. 

“Only me!” Chas’s voice screeches them all to a halt. 

\---

Her voice is like a punch to his gut, the impact sending Aaron reeling back in his chair. Paddy and Robert freeze too, Robert dropping his phone into his chips. He makes a grab for it, shoves it back into his boyfriend’s hands as his mum saunters in uninvited, looking pleased with herself as she surveys the scene. She smiles a self satisfied smile like she’s just caught them out and Aaron can’t say she’s wrong on that account. A cold sweat waves over him and he has to grip onto the table again to keep tethered to the reality of the situation. He was finally starting to feel proper relaxed and she had to go and ruin it. 

She pulls up a chair and plops herself down. “So. Tea with Robert Sugden,” she says, like it’s the worst thing in the world he could be doing. He feels sick. 

When he regains enough of his sense of self, he shoots Paddy a hard glare, questioning, because there’s no way this is okay. 

The vet looks guilty, his head drooping a bit with shame. “I might have accidentally mentioned it when she came round earlier.” 

“Paddy!” he exclaims! 

“Sorry? What’s wrong with having tea with my boy?” Chas asks like she’s entitled to it. 

“You weren’t invited,” Aaron sneers at her.

She gestures toward Robert, who’s sitting there, still as a statue, looking as unsure as Aaron’s ever seen him. “Oh but he is?” 

“Yes,” Aaron states firmly. “What’s he ever done to you anyway?” 

“Me? Nothing,” Chas says.

“I knocked her back once,” Robert butts in. 

“Ugh!” Aaron feels sicker. There are some days he wants to ask Robert for a full detailed history of his past conquests and almost conquests just so he’s no longer caught off guard like this and other times he really just wants to block it all out. 

“Sorry,” Robert bites back a smirk, starting to get over the shock of her presence. 

“He’s done plenty to my best mate though,” Chas continues to argue. 

“Yeah, years ago,” Aaron fights back. They’ve talked about Katie, about how a part of him wanted to prove to everyone, to his dad, that he was just as good as Andy, better even. Aaron knows there’s so much more to it than Robert just messing people around for sport. 

“Well Andy’s in the pub, chatting with Adele. Sure you don’t want to get over there and get in first, Rob?” Chas ignores him. 

“Chas!” Paddy tries to contain her but it’s little use when she’s like this. 

“Pretty happy right here actually,” Robert says calmly and it makes Aaron’s heart swell a bit because he knows he means it. It’s not just to wind her up. It’s strange to him to accept that someone can love him like that but he’s starting to. 

Chas shakes her head at him and then fixes him with a pointed stare. “Oh I bet you are,” she accuses him. “What do you have over our Aaron that keeps him so in your corner? Won’t hear a bad word said about you.”

“Chastity!” Paddy tries again but she ignores him too. 

“I know you’re up to something Sugden. You’ve got him into something proper dodgy, haven’t you?” she continues. 

“Me? Get a Dingle into something dodgy?” Robert laughs. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe we genuinely just get on?”

Aaron can’t help but look at him like he’s hung the damn moon and Chas picks up on it. “Look at him,” she points at him and he recoils in his seat again, biting hard at his lip to distract himself. “You don’t have a genuine bone in your body Rob. Nah. You’re manipulating him and you’ve got him right where you want him.”

If only she knew how true that was, Aaron thinks, wishing they’d never agreed to come round for tea in the first place. Maybe they should have taken Andy up on his offer instead. Maybe they still can. He takes one last bite of his burger, makes another face at it and sets it down, settling for a mouthful of chips instead. Then he gives Robert a light slap on his shoulder and nods toward the door. 

“Thanks for trying Paddy,” he says and he means it. It may have been awkward but he appreciates the gesture. Pushing his chair back, he stands up. 

“And where do you think you’re going?” Chas asks, jaw dropping open. 

“Away from unwanted guests,” he mutters and nudges Robert again till he gets to his feet too, looking sadly down at his barely touched burger. “I’ll buy you another one...a normal one.”

Robert laughs at him and shakes his head but he couldn’t possibly have liked that excuse for a burger Marlon made, could he? 

“Nah, I’ll buy you one. Do owe you for a day’s work and all. And I’ll be very specific with Marlon that he’s to make you a proper plain cheeseburger,” Robert says. 

“You’d better,” Aaron warns him as Chas sits there dumbfounded by their exchange. 

“You’re just going to let them go off together?” She questions Paddy. “I thought you and me were on the same page earlier?”

“I don’t even think we’re reading the same book,” Paddy says with a shrug. 

“Aaron!” She pleads with him one last time. “I just wanted to spend some proper time with you. Without him around.” She points at Robert with a look of disdain. 

Aaron hesitates. It’s not like he actually wants to stay but despite the fact that she keeps insulting his boyfriend, it’s the first time she’s made an actual effort in ages and somehow that still matters. Still, she’s way out of order and he’s not about to reward her for it. 

“Tough,” he tells her and pushes Robert toward the door. 

—-

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Robert asks Aaron as they make their way into the pub. He looks okay, Robert thinks as he gives him the not so subtle once over, but he can see there’s a tightness in his jaw, some sadness behind his eyes and he worries, curses Chas for ruining things again. 

“I’m fine,” Aaron reassures him for the tenth time. “Promise.”

He sees Andy at the bar and Chas was right, he’s talking to Adele. It’s a strange feeling, wishing happiness for his brother but he does. Adam’s got himself a seat in the booth on the left, Victoria next to him, making eyes at him as usual. Although this time, Robert sees Adam making eyes back when she’s not looking. He knows Aaron’s encouraging that and well, he guesses Adam’s alright. She could do worse anyway.

Giving Aaron a nudge on the shoulder he nods over toward their table. “Why don’t you go sit down. I’ll get the drinks in,” he says. 

“And the burgers?” Aaron asks. 

“And the burgers,” Robert confirms with a laugh. He can practically hear Aaron’s stomach growling over the sounds of the pub.

He gives Adam a quick nod as Aaron sits down beside him but all he gets back is a glare and he’s not quite sure what he’s done that would offend Adam so much but it makes his stomach knot with worry. Trying to brush it off, he makes his way over to the bar, leaning his elbows on the countertop, picking up a coaster and twirling it on one of the beer mats. A sigh escapes as he thinks about what happened. Sometimes it seems like he’ll never be able to leave his past behind because someone will always bring it back up. He’s not that guy anymore that went after Katie, that wanted revenge on Andy. Aaron makes him want to be better and he thinks he’s getting there too. 

“Did it go that bad?” Andy asks him, shifting in his seat to turn away from Adele and towards him. 

“Could have gone better,” Robert sighs again. “Chas showed up.” 

“Not your biggest fan,” Andy nods. 

“She basically thinks I’m the devil incarnate and out to corrupt her son,” Robert tries to laugh it off but it stings just a bit. 

“Yeah...Katie said,” Andy tells him, looking nervous. 

“Nice to know you’re having cozy little chats about me,” Robert narrows his eyes at him, trying to figure out if he agrees or not. 

“It’s not like that Rob,” Andy tries to assure him. “She just mentioned that Chas was worried about Aaron being friends with you and...well it’s hardly like I could tell her the truth.” 

“I guess that’s fair,” Robert says, his teeth gritted with frustration and he’s trying not to take it out on Andy even though it’s still his first instinct.

“He looks alright,” Andy gestures over to Aaron who’s laughing at something Adam’s saying. 

“He’s putting up a front.” Robert knows all of the conflicted feelings Aaron has about his mum are bubbling under the surface somewhere, waiting to boil over. He just hopes he can be there for him when it happens.

“I’m sure it’ll all work itself out,” Andy tries to be encouraging but Robert’s not so sure. 

“What’ll work itself out?” Diane asks as she makes her way over to them. 

Robert freezes for a second, hoping she hasn’t heard any of their conversation but the way she’s smiling at him, her polite to the punters smile, tells him she hasn’t. Good. “Nothing,” he says quickly and then adds, “Could I uh, get two pints please and two cheeseburgers? Oh and make sure Marlon doesn’t try and add any extras to them.” 

Diane smirks at the added instructions because Marlon and his menu have always been a constant battle between the two of them. “Of course, pet,” she says and heads off to the kitchen. He can hear arguing already.

“Why don’t you tell her?” Andy asks. 

The beer mat is suddenly interesting again and the way the coaster in his hands sticks to certain parts of it where some other punter had spilled earlier. He presses the coaster against the surface and peels it away again. The thought of telling Diane makes his pulse race, makes the blood rush past his ears because he can’t even fathom it. He still hasn’t even just sat down and come out to someone and the thought is vaguely terrifying even if he was guaranteed a good response. And something about it being Diane makes it all the more frightening. 

“Is it because of Dad?” Andy asks, deftly diagnosing the problem before he can even explain it to himself. His brother’s newfound perceptiveness catches him off guard. 

He supposes it is in a way. Diane’s the last parental figure he has left in his life. Everything is resting on her shoulders. If she didn’t accept him then it would feel like none of them did or ever would have. He’s not sure he’s ready to take that risk yet. Shrugging, he puts down the coaster and sighs again. 

“I’m just...not ready yet,” he settles on. 

“Right,” Andy says with a curt nod. “Then I’ll leave it, but I do think she’d be fine with it you know. She loves ya.” 

“Suppose,” Robert agrees reluctantly, hoping it’s true. 

“Rob-” Andy starts but Diane’s bringing his pints over and he’s ignoring the protest of his self doubt on his brother’s lips and sliding over a tenner instead. 

“I should let you get back to Adele,” Robert tells him and takes the glasses in his hands and heads over to the table. 

Aaron drinks half his pint in one big gulp and that’s how he knows that what happened back at Paddy’s is getting to him. That and the fact that his free hand finds his under the table and is squeezing the life out of it. He can say he’s fine all he wants but Robert knows everything with Chas is getting to him. It kills him a bit that there’s nothing he can really do besides be there to hold his hand secretly under a table when things go wrong. Anything else and he’d be betraying Aaron’s trust and he won’t do that. 

Adam is staring at him again, hardly even being subtle about it and the knot in his stomach twists further until not even his pint is enough to untangle it. He looks annoyed and it makes him feel uneasy because there’s no reason for him to be mad with him unless- it’s like the universe is conspiring against him because the unless walks through the door into the pub right on cue and he almost wants to laugh at the absurdity. Holly smiles brightly at them as she wafts in and plants herself down right next to him. He gulps as she leans into his side a bit and he pulls away from her immediately, knocking into Aaron. 

“What are you doing?” Aaron asks him, startled, their hands breaking apart under the table. 

“I-sorry,” he gets out, his heart drumming dramatically in his chest. 

He wonders what exactly Holly told Adam because nothing really happened and he certainly didn’t want it to, not really. In his head, he curses himself for not just telling Aaron yesterday or earlier today or even right after it happened. He wishes nothing happened at all because now all of a sudden it’s this thing because Holly’s pointing at his now empty pint glass and asking if he wants another and Adam looks like he wants to punch him and he doesn’t blame him because it all looks bad. His breathing shallows and he feels claustrophobic all of a sudden. He needs to get out of here, get some air and clear his head. He needs to tell Aaron the truth, his version of it and be done with it before it spirals. First, he just needs to breathe though. 

He can’t just leave though, so he pulls his phone out of his jeans pocket and fumbles with it under the table until he gets to the ring tones and he presses play on one of them, setting it off. Aaron jumps at the sound beside him, sensing the tension. Nearly dropping it as he slides it up into view, he glances at it quickly, pretending to see who’s calling. 

“I should uhh-I should get this, sorry,” he says, hating himself for the lie. 

\---

Aaron watches Robert stand, flustered and pale, pushing past Holly and hurrying out of the pub. He feels like the floor just dropped out from beneath him because he has no idea what just happened. Adam clearly knows though because his eyes follow Robert too and they look angry and he needs to know why.

“Was it something I said?” Holly asks and he feels just as lost as her and he doesn’t like it. 

“Yeah Holl,” Adam replies, irritation in her voice. 

Aaron sees Diane bringing out their burgers and all of a sudden he isn’t hungry anymore but he wants to get Adam alone so he nods toward the bar for him to follow. Fortunately, his mate takes the hint easily, and they both shuffle out of the booth, leaving Vic and Holly even more confused. Diane smiles at them as he slides the plates across the bar closer to him and he gives her a small, forced smile back just to encourage her to leave them be. He’s exhausted. It feels like today has been one of the longest of his life with everything that’s happened, his whole body feeling weighed down. He’s almost not sure he wants to know, but he needs to. 

“Right, spill,” he tells Adam, a sharpness in his tone that he hopes conveys the seriousness. 

Shifting back and forth on his feet, Adam remains quiet for a moment, suddenly looking anxious. “Aaron, I don’t-”

“Just tell me,” he pleads. He needs to know the truth. 

“Robert kissed Holly.” 

It’s three words, three little words, but it feels like the world is ending.


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron confronts Robert about the kiss with Holly. Chas continues to try make amends with Aaron. Gennie and Adam give Aaron some advice. Robert distracts himself with Val. Things take a turn during a heated moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, it's been forever since I updated. What can I say other than sorry. But it's here now! And it's almost 10k so there's that! As always, comments are very much appreciated and help motivate me to continue this thing.

May 2010

His phone is slippery in his hands, nearly drops it again on his way out of the pub, the unseasonably warm May air making him sweat more than it should be. A breath gets caught in his throat and he chokes on it, splaying out his hand against the top of his car to keep his feet beneath him as he coughs. He sucks in another breath through his nose, leans back against the car, the metal hot against his back, t-shirt sticking to his damp skin. This morning, when he was lying there in bed, curled up with Aaron, things were almost perfect. Just a secret that didn’t quite matter lingering in the background. Now that secret was suddenly coming crashing down on top of him. 

Robert steels himself, hands pushing him up away from the car. He takes another deep breath. He needs to talk to Aaron, properly, explain it, because it’s fine really. Nothing actually happened. He didn’t even want to kiss her or for her to kiss him. Rubbing at the back of his head, he finds the place where he smacked it on the porch railing. There’s still a little bit of a raised bump there. It’s fine, Aaron will understand. 

When he looks up, he sees him, pale faced and angry fists clenched at his sides. Maybe Aaron won’t understand. Robert gulps, braces himself for impact. 

\---

Aaron feels light headed and weighed down all at once like he doesn’t know how to function normally because none of it feels real. ‘Robert kissed Holly’. The words are on a loop in his brain, spinning on overdrive the moment Adam spoke them. He wants to rewind time, to rip them out of his subconscious because he hates them, hates what they mean. He just got Robert back. Losing him again, seems impossible. At his sides, his hands form into fists and he’s not sure what he intends to do with them as he stumbles out of the pub, rounding toward the car park. He sees him standing there, Robert, leaning against his car, only he doesn’t look relaxed, he looks nervous. He looks like he’s about to get caught out and Aaron can’t stand it. Guilt, that’s the expression written all over his face and he half wants to take one of his fists and wipe it off but he can’t do that. He shoves them into his hoodie pockets instead, burrowing them deep, stretching the fabric to its limits. He needs to know the truth. 

“Aaron-” Robert starts when he gets closer, straightening himself up, back rigid but legs shaking a bit. Even the sound of his voice fills Aaron with fear, like he knows what’s coming. “Aaron, there’s-there’s something I need to tell ya…” He drifts off, his face looking pained but Aaron can’t find it in himself to feel sympathy for him. He feels sick. 

“About Holly?” he asks bluntly instead. He needs to know, needs to see how is face reacts and then he’ll know the truth. It breaks. Aaron watches his face break, his eyes droop with sadness, his chin quivering. He can read it all right there and he knows and he hates it because it’s breaking him too. 

Robert can see it too, see that he knows, see that it’s killing him. “Aaron-” he starts, but it’s pointless. 

“So it’s true then?” Aaron nods to himself, confirming it, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. 

“No, look-” Robert’s desperate but Aaron doesn’t want to care. “Just let me explain.”

He can’t hear that. He can’t, because it’s him. He’s the problem, always has been. It just takes some people longer to figure it out. “Did you ever even love me?” he blurts out. He didn’t mean to but now he has, he wants to know, because how can Robert say he loves him and then betray him like that? The same way everyone else does, he supposes. “This is why-” he trails off. This is why he can never say it back. 

“Aaron,” Robert says, his voice suddenly going soft and Aaron hates it as much as he used to before they were together. “Aaron don’t- don’t think like-”

“Like what? LIke I’m never good enough for anyone?” He feels the truth in that down to his bones. He doesn’t know why he ever let Robert convince him otherwise. 

“You are!” Robert argues, looking more distraught than him. It’s all laughable really. 

“Yeah, feels like it,” he mutters. 

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at him, because he looks sorry and Aaron doesn’t want to forgive him for this. What does it say about him if he does? What if it was more than just a kiss? What if? All he wants is to go back to this morning when he woke up in Robert’s arms, finally allowing himself to believe that Robert loved him. That someone could. 

The soles of his trainers scrape across the gravel of the car park as he turns. He focuses on the sound, on the noise streaming into the night from the pub. If he just doesn’t think about Robert, about the words ‘Robert kissed Holly’ for long enough, maybe he can make it back inside, let the cacophony of the pub distract him for the rest of the night. A hand on his arm won’t let him go though, won’t let him forget. Robert’s spinning him back around, a pleading look on his face. He doesn’t even let him get the words out, just yanks his hands from his pockets and presses his palms flat against Robert’s chest, shoving him back hard into the side of his car. 

“Don’t!” he shouts at him, as he turns away from the look on Robert’s face, eyes wide with shock yet somehow still sad and hurt. He blocks it out, doesn’t turn back around to see him again, just pushes himself forward back toward the pub, hands shaking at his sides. 

—-

Robert lays his head back, molding his entire body to the side of his car where Aaron pushed him, still feels the impact of his hands on his chest. His own hands are drumming against the door and it takes him a second to realize it’s not a nervous habit, but that he’s shaking. Pressing his palms flat against the metal, he steadies them and makes a decision. He can’t let this lie. He needs to at least try one more time to get Aaron to hear him out. He’s just gotten him back. He can’t lose him again, not like this. Last night they’d made a pact to talk to each other more, not just avoid whatever issues might come up and here they were, already breaking that. 

A deep breath in and a long exhale and he peels himself off of the car and climbs inside, settling uncomfortably into the driver’s seat. Turning the engine on, he feels the car rumble to life beneath him, tries to focus on that but all he can hear is Aaron’s voice in his head, ‘did you ever even love me?’. Of course he did, he does. It breaks his heart to know that Aaron doubts it. 

He pulls the car around to the front of the pub to find Aaron outside, perched on top of one of the picnic tables like he’s found him so many times before. His foot is tapping against the bench below and Robert can tell he’s agitated. From his vantage point, he can’t see every detail in his face but he can see him sniffle and wipe at his nose with the back of his hand. If he got up close, he’d probably find red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. He rubs his own eyes. Tears never come easy to him but he can feel them welling anyway. He hates this. 

Stopping the car, he idles just in front of the table and rolls down his window but Aaron’s already shaking his head at him. Robert’s heart is already sinking, down into the depths of his failures before Aaron even manages to speak. It’s just a single word, ‘don’t’, but it stings, drives a dagger into his chest and he knows he needs to give him more time. Aaron’s heart is fragile, his trust not given easily and he’s finally broken through the walls he’s put up but now he’s ruined it all by not just being honest with him. He should have told him the moment it happened because now it was so much bigger than it was. He’s sure there’s all sorts spinning around in Aaron’s head right now but he knows he needs to give him space to process before he tries again. He will try again though, he promises himself that much, and soon. 

With a half choked sigh, he puts the window back up and eases onto the accelerator, driving out of the village toward the farm. In the rear view mirror, he can see Aaron visibly deflate, his shoulders dropping. He can see him rubbing at his eyes and he knows he’s crying again, hates that he’s the cause of that. He never wants to make Aaron cry again. 

\---

The taste of salt is on his tongue as he watches Robert drive off, tears dripping down his cheeks and pooling in the corners of his mouth, on his lip. He rubs at his eyes in a bid to stop them, doesn’t know why he always has to cry so easily. Hardly helps with the hard man image he used to be so desperate to portray. The sleeves of his hoodie help to soak up the tears, to give himself something to bury his face in so he doesn’t have to watch Robert’s car disappear at the top of the road. He knows he should just hear him out, but what if it’s bad? What if it was more than just a kiss? What if everything his mum says about Robert is true? What if he is just messing him around? He doesn’t want to believe it, any of it, because the way Robert makes him feel, it’s like nobody ever has before. That doesn’t stop the thoughts from going round and round in his head though. 

When he looks up from his tear soaked sleeves, he sees Gennie of all people standing there in front of him, a glass of wine in one hand and a pint in the other. She offers him the pint so he pulls back his sleeve to find his hand again and takes it, confused.

“You looked like you could use one,” she says as she climbs up beside him, a tad ungracefully, her skirt getting caught on the edge and nearly taking her out altogether. She manages eventually. 

“Cheers,” Aaron grumbles sarcastically as she finally settles. He knows he probably looks like a right mess himself and he rubs at his eyes again with his free hand and takes a long drink of his beer, hoping it will steady him a bit. 

“Girl trouble?” she blurts out, but her expression is so genuine, he doesn’t quite know what to make of it. 

He can’t help but laugh anyway, a bitter laugh, one that signifies the fact that he hates the world just a little more in this moment than before. “Yeah, sure, we’ll go with that,’ he mutters when she looks unsure. 

She takes a sip of her wine, like she’s trying to pluck up courage for this conversation too. It’s not like they’ve every really had one before, certainly not one on one like this. It’s already weird. “Is it to do with Holly?” she asks, ‘Only I saw-”

“It’s nothing,” he cuts her off, shutting her down. The last thing he wants to do is talk to his frumpy auntie about this. 

“Oh go on, what did you do?” she pushes anyway. 

“Me?” he snaps. It’s a reflex hinging on years of people always thinking the worst of him. “I didn’t do anything! It were him-” he stops himself short, realizing what he’s said and then realizing that stopping makes it worse, makes it into something. The beer in his glass is sloshing back and forth because his hand is suddenly shaking a bit and he’s breathing a bit faster. He has to say something, try and salvage this somehow. “I mean-”

“Robert?” Gennie asks and he feels a shiver convulse through his body. 

“No,” he says but even he’s not convinced and his breathing is getting shallower, like he’s in an enclosed space and he’s running out of air. 

She can clearly read the truth all over his face because she bursts out with, “I knew it!” 

“No!” he shouts it this time as if that will make it any less true. This can’t be happening. Paddy was bad enough but Gennie’s a Dingle, well, sort of. She’s his mum’s sister in any case and if she knows than it’s only a matter of time until his mum knows too and he can’t handle that, not yet, not while he doesn’t even have Robert on his side. He sets his glass down on the table before he drops it, feeling another cold shudder pass through him. 

“It’s okay, you know,” she tells him softly, nudging his knee with hers. There’s a smile on her face and her eyes are kind. She puts a hand on his and stops the shaking. She’s gentle where his mum is abrasive. It’s hard to believe they’re related at all. “That Robert, he’s quite fit isn’t he?” She grins at him, easing the tension. 

He knows he’s blushing now, can feel his face getting hot, but she’s still smiling at him and all of a sudden his breathing isn’t quite as labored anymore, there’s air in his lungs again. He feels less like he’s about to die. It genuinely surprises him every time someone seems okay with it, okay with him. It’s not something he ever expected. 

“So what did he do then?” she asks quietly, nudging his shoulder this time in a way that feels both deliberate and innocent all at the same time. 

He drops his head, can’t seem to look at her as he thinks about Adam’s words. “He umm...he kissed Holly...supposedly.” He confesses it reluctantly, every word like a knife to his heart. Still, he can’t help himself but add the ‘supposedly’ on the end because he’s still hoping it isn’t true.

“And what did he say about it?” she asks. “I saw you two talking...before…”

So that’s why she knew, Aaron realizes. He’s stopped being quite so careful these days. “He tried to explain but...I didn’t really give him a chance,” he admits. 

“Maybe you should,” she tells him. “I’m not saying it’ll all be fine or anything, but maybe there’s more to it.”

She’s not telling him he’s being ridiculous or telling him he should bin him. She’s not sugarcoating it either but she’s not telling him how to feel or what to do and he appreciates that more than he can explain just now. Robert’s always been the same with him, lets him make his own choices, even if it kills him a bit, like agreeing not to go to the police about his dad. He’s not always had people like that in his life but he’s learned to appreciate the people that are. It’s part of why he knows he needs to give Robert a chance to explain. They promised each other that they were going to be better talking things through. 

“Maybe,” he concedes eventually. 

Gennie takes another sip of her wine and slips off of table, just as graceless as before. “Don’t leave it too long. I’ve seen you around with him. You look happy. And if you ever need a sympathetic ear-”

“Thanks,” he stops her rambling. She’s like Paddy in a way. She’s alright though. “Can you not-”

“What?”

“Say anything...about...well-”

She looks perplexed for a second before she catches on. “Oh! Of course.” she exclaims, “Your secret’s safe with me.” She gives him another smile, softer this time. “Well...good luck.” 

He picks up his pint again as she heads back into the pub. ‘Don’t leave it too long,’ she had said, but he doesn’t think he’s ready, still half terrified of what Robert will say. He’ll just give himself a bit more time, time to be angry about it all because either way, he shouldn’t have found out about it from Adam. 

—-

Another text from Robert pings on his phone. Aaron glances at it briefly but it basically says the same as the rest. They’re all some variation of ‘we need to talk’ or ‘just let me explain’. Then there’s the odd one that’s just asking if he’s okay and Aaron knows those aren’t just about the Holly thing, that Robert still feels the need to just check up on him from time to time, to make sure he doesn’t end up back at the quarry. He always answers those with a simple ‘fine’. This isn’t one of those though so he ignores it and slides the phone back into the pocket of his overalls just as it starts ringing again. 

“Will you please just put her out of her misery already!” Ryan pleads with him. 

“What’s this?” Cain asks, coming out of the office, clipboard in hand. 

“Aaron! He’s obviously got some girl who can’t take a hint. Though what girl would be interested in a moody git like him, I’ll never know. Honesty mate!” Ryan turns back to him, exasperated. “Just answer the phone and get it over with. I’m sick of that ringtone!”

“Never give ‘em your phone number, I say,” Cain smirks, smacking him on the shoulder lightly with the clipboard. 

“Oh piss off, both of you!” Aaron shoved his uncle away. He’s had enough. They’ve been teasing him all morning.

“What ya getting so upset for?” Cain ribs him. “Give it here, I’ll do it for ya. Or maybe I’ll have a pop at her.” 

Aaron has to bite at his lip hard not to laugh at that. “I’m going on my break,” he grumbles, desperately needing some peace and quiet. 

“Get us a coffee, will ya, Sunshine?” Cain calls after him as he stalks off toward the cafe. 

He turns over his shoulder and shouts back, “Get it yourself!” He plans on taking a long break. 

He nearly walks straight back out of the cafe the moment he steps foot inside and sees his mum and Katie there at the counter, collecting their coffees and sandwiches. Suddenly he’s thinking about dinner at the pub or just foregoing food altogether and trudging up to the cricket pavilion just to get away from it all. Only he yawns, too loudly, because he barely slept last night for all his tossing and turning and another nightmare he had to talk himself down from because he was still stubbornly refusing to talk to Robert. His mum spots him hesitating in the doorway and then Carl bloody King is pushing his way in behind him with bumbling Jimmy in tow and he’s trapped. And he really does need that coffee. 

“Hiya love,” Chas’s grating voice smothers him with the moment he reaches the counter. Her hands are fidgety, hovering and bouncing over top of her coffee cup and crinkling the paper around her sandwich. 

He takes a preemptive step backward, not wanting to give her any invitation to try and hug him or something. All he wants to do is order his coffee and go but of course Brenda is distracted. He actually wishes it were Viv there today. Sure she’d probe them with invasive questions but she’d probably get him his coffee faster. He taps his foot with impatience but it does nothing to speed up the process. 

“Aaron,” Chas whines at him as he continues to ignore her. “Last night, well, I’m trying love.”

Aaron snorts. If that was her trying, he’d rather she stopped altogether. 

“Come and have your dinner with us,” she tries. “Let’s have a proper catch up now that…”

She trails off and he knows she means ‘now that Robert’s not here’. He looks at her and the other three behind her and it’s the absolute worst thing he can think of doing right now, having his dinner with them. All he wanted was a break and this is definitely not it. He’d rather be back at the garage listening to Ryan and Cain tease him about his non existent girl problems than eat a meal with this lot. Finally Brenda makes her way over to him. 

“Americano,” he barks at her, not even bothering to add a ‘please’. He knows what he’s ordered and he knows why too but it’s also cause he needs something strong to make it through the rest of this damn day. 

Brenda tuts at him, an offended look on her face but fortunately for him and for her, she goes about getting his drink. He’d order food too but suddenly he’s not hungry anymore and he doesn’t want to stand here any longer than strictly necessary. 

“Please love!” 

She’s persistent. Aaron has to give her that but he can’t deal with her right now, not with all of this Robert stuff going on in his head too. He knows he needs to talk to him but he figures he has the right to be pissed off a little longer. It’s not like he’s been out kissing other people for whatever reason. 

“Can’t,” he finally tells her when she gets bold enough to reach out a hand and put it on his shoulder. He swerves away from the touch and only feels slightly guilty at her dejected face. Robert’s the only one he doesn’t automatically flinch away from. “Cain’s expecting me back.” 

“I can handle Cain,” she says quickly, desperate. “I just want to talk, Aaron. Like we used to.” 

Before you left me, Aaron fills in for her in his head, twice. He doesn’t have time to get a proper answer out though because the door is opening behind him and Robert’s walking in, looking suddenly hesitant himself as he surveys the scene. Aaron can read his face well at this point and sees the mixture of panic and the desire to step in and protect him. When he turns back to his mum, she’s got her Robert scowl on her face and Katie’s got one to match, stepping up level with Chas like she’s going to challenge Robert if he dares take another step. He yawns again, involuntarily. He’s just so tired of everything. All he wants to do is run but if his mum sees something is wrong between him and Robert, he knows she’ll latch onto it and pick away at it until he snaps. The hassle doesn’t seem worth it. 

“Another Americano,” he orders Brenda and she scoffs at him but gets another, bringing it over. He slaps a few notes and coins down on the counter, not even bothering to count it out, grabs the drinks and shoves Robert back out the door. 

His green eyes are wide as Aaron presses the to go coffee cup into his hand. “Aaron,” he starts. 

“That wasn’t for your benefit,” Aaron tells him. “Just didn’t want to deal with that lot.”

“Aaron, please-“ 

“I’ve gotta get back to work,” he cuts him off and stalks off toward the garage, wanting to just sack it all off altogether. He’s done with this day. 

“She kissed me, Aaron,” Robert calls after him but he can’t hear it right now. Still, he files that information away for later. Just because she made the first move, doesn’t mean he didn’t encourage it and doesn’t mean he didn’t take it further. He needs to talk to him, but his head is a mess after all of that and he can’t process any of it right now. 

—-

The heat of the cup burns his fingers as he grips it too tightly. Shuffling it around, Robert deflates as he watches Aaron walk off, angry shoulders up around his ears. He’d had some hope at the gesture of buying him coffee, that maybe he’d hear him out this time but apparently that wasn’t in the cards just yet. At least Aaron wasn’t ignoring him completely though, that was a good sign. 

He knew he couldn’t push him into talking. That would only make him more defensive. It didn’t stop him from wanting to follow him to the garage though, figure out a way to get him alone and keep trying though. He could go back up to the farm but Andy had already called him useless enough times today and sent him off before he did any proper damage, to the farm or to himself. He was nursing a banged up knee as it was. 

“Oi! Robert!” A loud voice calls out behind him. “Give us a hand, will ya!”

Reluctantly, he turns around to see Val struggling with a wine delivery for the Grange. He needs a distraction but he’s not sure this is what he’s in the mood for. 

“Might be a bottle in it for you if you help,” she negotiates. 

Now she’s speaking his language. Wine and sulking about the Aaron situation seems like a good plan for later. The irony that that’s what got him in this mess in the first place isn’t lost on him but he doesn’t really care at this point. He can handle carrying in a few boxes. 

Jogging over, his knee smarting a little bit at the pace and impact, he sets down his coffee, grabs a box and hoists it up, letting her too wide grin wash over him. He follows her inside and into the kitchen of the restaurant where they stack them on the counter. Without lifting another finger, she sends him out for the other two boxes on his own but he’s already tasting the expensive red that he’s picked out in his mind and so he goes without protest. 

“There’s a good lad,” she smiles her toothy smile at him. “Go on, pick one of ‘em out. Just don’t tell Eric!”

“Never,” Robert grins back as he selects the one he’d been eying. 

“Good choice!” She winks at him but he doubts she knows much about wine. 

He doesn’t really either but he’d been learning a bit in London before he’d come back. It was all part of his plan to remake himself to get further in the company and win over Chrissie. That seems like such a long time ago now that he was after the older, rich boss’s daughter with all the glitz and sophistication one could imagine. Now all he wants is for the grumpy teenaged mechanic he’s madly in love with to give him the time of day. What a difference a year can make. 

Looking up from the wine label, he sees Val studying him now with a glint in her eye and it makes him squirm a bit because he can tell she’s after something but he’s not quite sure what yet. “So,” she starts, eyes flitting around the kitchen in a failed attempt at casual. “Dearest nephew-”

“Hardly,” he can’t resist. 

“Well how come you never come see your Auntie Val?” she bulldozes on. 

“Maybe because you’re not really my auntie and we barely know each other?” Robert grimaces. She definitely wants something. “It’s not like you’ve come looking to bond with me,” he adds. 

She pauses at that and Robert can practically see the cogs turning in her head as she looks for a new way in. “That’s because you’re always so busy up at that farm of yours.” 

That’s not strictly true, he thinks to himself. Half the time, he leaves Andy to it and spends his time chasing after Aaron. He’s pathetic like that but he can’t help himself. 

“Diane tells me you’re doing well,” she continues. 

“Suppose,” Robert say cautiously, not wanting to give in to whatever she’s angling for. 

“She says you’ve got some big contract with a supermarket and everything. You’ve got a real head for business, don’t you? Diane can’t always see these things, but I can,” Val boasts. 

He beams at the praise, soaking it up even if she is just trying to flatter him. It feels good being recognized for the talent he is, no matter where the compliments are coming from. “I do,” he confirms. “Just comes easily to me, I guess.” 

“Yes, you’re a natural,” she heaps it on more. “So then you won’t mind looking over our books, will ya? With all those natural skills of yours.”

There it is. He rolls his eyes and scoffs in response. 

“Only I told Eric I’d do it in a fit of insanity and I’ve had a look but, well, I could really do with your expertise,” she tries to butter him up more. 

It’s not like he has anything else to do, other than stand there and stare longingly at the garage. “Crack open another one of those bottles of wine and you’ve got yourself a deal,” he nods at the boxes. 

“You’re on!” Her eyes light up with mischief and she sneaks another bottle and grabs two glasses before she directs him up to the office. 

The books are a bit of a mess if he’s being honest but he guesses that’s to be expected since Val and Eric have just bought the B&B from Terry and while Eric may be have been a success in the furniture business, they clearly know little about running a B&B. They’re trying to make the best of it though and the addition of the restaurant was a great idea to bring in more revenue. Val wasn’t wrong, he’s good at this sort of thing. He’s a lot better at business than relationships apparently. If he could blame it all on Aaron being hard work, he would, but it’s hardly like he’s got a good track record. All he wants is to fix things with him though and stop wasting time apart. It hasn’t even been that long but already he misses him. 

Val notices his glass is empty and generously fills it up again, leaning over the desk to see what he’s doing. “So,” she starts again. She’s been making inane small talk at him for the last hour and if he weren’t desperate for the distraction, he’d probably have told her off a while ago but she has the wine so he keeps his mouth shut for the most part. “Got any lasses on the go?” 

He covers up his groan with a sip of his refilled glass. Lasses were certainly not his favorite subject at the moment. He wishes Holly Barton didn’t have to just appear everywhere all the time, especially just when he was out to sabotage himself. If it happened again, it’d be a habit. Not that he wants it to. All he wants is Aaron. The wine is going to his head a bit. He never did get that lunch he was after at the cafe. 

“Any lads?” she asks casually. 

He nearly chokes on his wine and drops the pencil in his hands. His eyes widen as he looks at her, searching for clues to see if she knows somehow. 

“My Paul is gay, you know,” she tells him. “You never can tell these days.” 

Picking up the pencil again, it’s slippery in his sweaty hands. She’s teeing him up perfectly to just do it, to come out to someone. He’s not good at this though, still hasn’t even managed to do it properly, always getting caught out or something. At this point, he doesn’t even know if he can do it on his own. He’s not about to make Val his first though. With her, he knows it’d be around the village in no time whether she meant for it to be or not. She’s hardly one for keeping secrets. Diane would know in an instant for sure and he’s definitely not ready for that. Aaron certainly isn’t either. Whether they’re together or not, he’d never risk outing him to the entire village like this. Instead, he takes another long sip of his wine, savoring the taste for as long as possible. 

She opens her mouth to continue her inquisition but they’re both saved by a loud bellow from Eric down the hall, “Valerie!” 

“What?” she shouts back. 

“The toilet’s clogged in room three!” he calls back. 

Robert feels sorry for their guests if this is how they operate on a daily basis. He’d certainly never stay here. Swiveling her head around from the door, Val looks him over again and he sees those cogs turning again and all of a sudden he’s nervous. He probably never should have helped her out with those wine crates in the first place. 

“So, how handy are you with a plunger?” she asks, topping up his glass again. 

“Oh no,” he protests. 

It’s no use in the end. She drags him off to room three, shoves a pair of rubber gloves in one hand and a plunger in the other and wishes him luck. He has to awkwardly shuffle by the couple staying there as he heads toward his fate and hopes for the best. He manages fortunately but it’s a rather scarring experience nevertheless and those don’t end there. Somehow he gets roped into doing all manner of odd jobs around the place once Val has her talons sunk in. He cleans rooms, turns down beds and even helps in the kitchen as something of a sou chef for Eric to prep for the evening meal. At least they feed him for his troubles though and Val actually tries to offer him a part time job but Eric says they can hardly afford it at the moment. 

By the time he gets back up to the farm, he’s exhausted, but not too tired to immediately free his phone from his back pocket where it’s been burning a hole all day. He clicks it on and sighs immediately upon seeing no new notifications pop up. Even though he knows it’s pointless he checks his messages properly anyway and stares at all of the unanswered texts from that morning. All he can do is keep trying and hope for the best though. However, that all too brief encouraging thought doesn’t stop him from pulling out his bottle of red and popping the cork. He pours himself a glass and finds himself curled up on the sofa, hugging a pillow to his chest, finally getting in that much needed sulk he’s been avoiding all day. 

\---

Exhaustion reaches from his fingertips down to his toes as Aaron walks into the pub. His brain is tired too after a long afternoon spent trying to ignore Cain and Ryan and the continued thoughts of Robert and Holly swirling around in his head. At this point, he thinks he’s run through every possible scenario based on Robert’s latest tidbit that Holly kissed him. He feels wrecked. A drink is just what he needs. 

Adam is there already, waiting for him at a booth on the far wall. He’s got his drink in front of him so Aaron gives him a quick nod and goes straight to the bar to order his own. He half feels like he should get himself started with a whiskey shot but that just makes him think of Robert like everything else and so he shuts that thought down immediately. Val’s bustled in behind him and has plopped herself down on the bar stool next to him and Diane quickly makes her way over to her sister. 

“Well you look pleased with yourself,” she points out and Diane’s not wrong about that Aaron decides, taking in Val’s satisfied grin. “Finally getting the hang of the B&B business then? Only you said-“

“I have me ways!” Val smirks and Aaron just wants to order his pint and move on. “I’ve had your Robert in today.” Now she’s got his attention. 

“Robert?” Diane shrieks with surprise. 

“Gave me a hand all afternoon as it happens. Good little worker that one,” she says. 

“Well I’m pleased but I can’t say that sounds much like Robert, if I’m honest,” Diane admits. 

It makes Aaron’s fists clench under the bar counter because he knows Robert works hard. He just hates the farm because that’s what Jack wanted for him. That doesn’t mean he’s not committed to making it a success though. He’s trying to picture Robert spending all day helping at the B&B though and he can’t quite see it either unless he was trying to distract himself as much as Aaron had been today. He really needs that drink and clears his throat loudly to get her attention.

“Sorry pet, what can I get you?” She asks. 

“Pint and a massive plate of chips please,” he says. He can’t be bothered with proper food at this point. He just needs something to soak up the alcohol. 

“Very nutritious,” his mum offers as she slides in beside him. 

“Not like I had a mum around to teach me about a balanced diet,” he bites back. It’s a low blow but he’s done with today. 

“Aaron love,” Chas whines at him like she’s been doing for days, his whole life really. “Why does everything have to be such a battle with you?”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” It’s all he wants right now, just a quiet drink with Adam. Except he can see Katie and Carl at a table behind him and Gennie’s there too and suddenly he wants to bolt. Glancing back, he tries to catch her eye, give her some kind of extra warning but she doesn’t turn in his direction. It makes his palms sweat. He just has to hope she can keep her promise to him because-well it doesn’t bear thinking about. 

“I’m glad to see you’re at least keeping better company,” she adds, nodding toward Adam who’s watching the situation unfold with a concerned eye. 

“Shame I can’t say the same about you,” he tells her as Eve walks in and she and Carl share a look. 

“Nothing is going on, Aaron,” she says but she doesn’t sound all that convinced and he feels sorry for her because he knows what it’s like. “Can’t we just-”

“Here’s your pint, pet,” Diane interrupts them mercifully as she slides the glass across the bar. “And Marlon will bring over your chips in a minute.” 

“Cheers,” he gives her a nod and grabs his beer. Moving to get around his mum and head towards Adam, he gets caught, her hand around his bicep, nearly making him spill. He really doesn’t have the energy for this. “I’ll see you around mum.” 

“Do ya actually mean that?” she asks, eyes suddenly hopeful. 

Her soft look and cautious smile chisel away at his walls for a moment. He’s seven years old again and she’s handing him down an ice cream cone at the seaside and he wants to spend all day with her. It’s times like these that he’d give anything to have that back, to have a mum again. He’s not that same kid though and now, everything is just harder, whether he wants it to be or not. 

“Maybe,” is all he can offer her, squirming out of her grasp. Her smile widens a bit at the word though and his walls break down a little bit more. 

By the time he makes it over to Adam’s table, sets his pint down and collapses in the booth, Marlon’s bringing his plate of chips over. It’s piled high he’s pleased to see, though it comes with a quizzical look from the chef like he’s still trying to figure him out from the other day when Robert came round. That was only yesterday, he realizes and sighs. It feels more like it’s been a week or a month or something. 

After a generous swig of his lager, he digs straight into the chips, shoving two at a time into this mouth. He didn’t realize just how hungry he was but then he remembers that he didn’t have anything but coffee for his dinner. Adam’s just smirking at him over his own pint, pointedly eating his own chips slowly and one at a time. 

“Oh don’t you start,” Aaron mumbles around a mouthful of potato mush. “I already had me mum going on about my food choices!”

“I didn’t say anything mate!” Adam laughs. “Everything alright with you two?” 

“Well she’s thrilled I’m hanging out with you instead of Robert, so chalk one up in your favor,” he sighs, inhaling a few more chips and chugging another third of his pint. 

“Have to say I agree, bro, after what happened. You better off well clear of him,” Adam says and it’s meant to sound encouraging but the thought of it really being over breaks Aaron’s heart. 

“I dunno, maybe,” he shrugs. 

“You really think you can forgive him?” Adam asks. 

“He said it were Holly who kissed him...apparently.” He leans back against the worn out cushion of the booth and rests his head on top of the bench. All he wants is to go back to yesterday morning when he was all wrapped up in bed with Robert curled around him. 

“Yeah? I mean, I guess I can believe that. Holly’s well into him,” Adam tells him. 

“Thanks for reminding me,” Aaron sits up and glares at him eliciting a sheepish ‘sorry bro’ from Adam. 

“So, what else did he say?” 

“Didn’t really give him much chance to explain anymore,” Aaron admits and knows that he should have. “Do you know when it happened?” 

“Does it matter?” Adam asks, shifting in his seat to lean his elbows on the table. 

“Maybe,” Aaron says and it’s a whisper, like he’s afraid to make it all real. “I might have finished things with him for a few days last week.” 

Adam shifts again, sitting up straighter in surprise and then leaning back over the table to keep the conversation contained. “What? Why would you go and do that for?” 

Burying his face in his hands, he drops his elbows onto the table and groans at himself. What if all of this is his fault? What if he’s driven Robert away for good now? Why does he always have to mess everything up? He can hear Adam encouraging him to open up with a ‘mate’ here and a ‘come on bro, tell me’ there. Sometimes it still surprises him that he’s ended up with a mate like Adam. 

“He might have-well...he told me he loved me and I might have freaked out a bit and-”

“And binned him off for a few days?” Adam chuckles, but it’s soft and understanding. “Bro! No wonder he’s out there getting confused by me sister! You need to find out exactly what happened.” 

“I know,” Aaron sighs. “I know. But not tonight, yeah? Go on, get us another pint, will ya?” 

Shaking his head at him, Adam slides out of the booth and stands. “Fine, but you’re getting the next round.” 

“Deal.”

\---

He wakes early the next morning, too early, but he can’t sleep, not when all he can think about is Robert. There’s a string of text messages on his phone when he checks it, all from him, like he couldn’t get Aaron off his mind either. He laughs when he tries to read through them because they’re mostly incoherent, marking them clearly as drunk texts. They make him smile through a yawn though and that’s not a bad start to the day. 

Beating Paddy downstairs, he steals the last of the bread for his toast, slathering the half burnt slices with butter before making quick work of them. He feels a little queasy afterwards but he puts that down to the nerves that are churning through his body. Last night, three pints in, he’d made up his mind that he was going to go up to the farm first thing and see him, sort this out one way or the other. He’s tired of being stuck with only the thoughts in his own head about it, which he knows is entirely his own fault. 

By the time he’s ready to leave, Paddy’s up, complaining about having only sugar hoops to eat for breakfast and moaning about having too much on in the surgery. “You don’t have time to maybe…” he tries to ask him as he fills up Clyde’s water bowl on his way out. 

“No,” Aaron shuts him down. “If you’re that busy, why don’t you just hire someone?” 

“Maybe I will,” Paddy says. “Where are you off to so early?”

“Butler’s,” he says simply.

Paddy has his concerned face on, brow knitted, forming a crease in his forehead, mouth downturned slightly. He knows he’s aware something’s going on with him. “Right. Is everything-are you two alright? Only-”

“I don’t know Paddy,” Aaron confesses, not wanting to get into it. “I hope so.” 

He escapes before he actually does get roped into helping out in the surgery, walking up to the farm. For a while, he tries in vain to enjoy the spring air even though his mind is a million miles away from the idyllic Yorkshire scenery that surrounds him. It’s no use though and it just spurs his legs to move faster, wanting to just get it over with already. 

Andy answers the door when he knocks, already dressed in his overalls with a mug of strong coffee in his hands. He gives him an unimpressed look in greeting, playing the disapproving brother role well. Aaron knows it’s because he warned him not to hurt Robert and now it seemed like he was doing it all over again. He wonders if Andy knows what actually happened. 

“He’s up at the top field,” Andy tells him cooly. “Supposed to be dry stone walling but I doubt it. Mostly just thought he could do with the fresh air and so I didn’t have to listen to him moaning about his sore head all morning.”

Aaron bites at his lip guiltily, thinking about Robert’s slew of drunk texts last night. He hopes he’s not too poorly. 

“I don’t know what’s gone on,” Andy continues. “I can’t keep up with you two if I’m honest, but don’t mess him around, alright?” 

The scrape of his molars together vibrates in his mouth as he grinds his teeth. He’s not the one out there kissing other people. Still, “I won’t,” he promises anyway. 

His legs are tired so he takes the quad they fixed the other day and heads up to where he knows the old wall has caved in a bit. It takes him a few tries to find the right spot but then he sees him, overalls tied around his waist, white t-shirt already clinging to his torso. Armed with a chisel in his hand, he’s eying up the broken bit of wall, looking like he wants to batter the rest of it down rather than meticulously build it back up. Aaron’s not sure that bodes well for this conversation but he knows it’s time he stops avoiding it. 

Robert barely turns when he approaches and it makes him feel like he’s in the wrong, just like Andy did earlier. That’s hardly fair and Robert seems to know it, letting his gaze fall to the floor. When he gets closer, he can see the dark circles under his eyes, the way his fingers burrow into his forehead to try and ease the ache. It really must have been a rough one the night before. Maybe it serves him right, maybe not, but he needs to know. 

“When?” he asks. “When did it happen?” 

When he can’t even look at him, Aaron’s mind starts spinning again, worst case scenarios pushing their way to the surface. He’d been counting on it being last week after he’d ended things but what if he was wrong about that? 

“That day,” Robert says quietly. “After, after you finished it.” 

Somehow that’s worse. “I meant that much to you that you couldn’t even wait a day to hook up with someone else?” he shouts, nerves falling away, replaced with anger. 

“No!” Robert yells back and there’s a thickness to his voice that Aaron’s never heard before, like tears are about to follow. “That’s not-I was drunk…and we didn’t-she kissed me, I told ya!”

“And you did nothing to encourage that?” Aaron accuses, pacing in front of him now, hands shaking, heart racing. He can’t stand still. 

“No!” Robert protests. “I don’t know. Probably, but-”

“Do you want her?” he presses him. 

Robert stops him pacing, hands around his shoulders. “Are you kidding me?” His voice is deadly serious, his face stern to brook no argument with his statement, like he finds the notion absurd. “Aaron, I only wanted you. I still only want you. She was just there and-”

“And what?” he asks and his voice is small now, edging around the enormity of what Robert seems to feel for him. 

“Andy made it seem like it was all my fault, what happened with us,” Robert switches tactics, still holding him in place so he doesn’t run. “I was just tired of people thinking the worst of me and I was-I was sad about what happened, more than really. I took myself off to the pub for a pity party, downed a double shot of whiskey and then Holly Barton was just there. And yeah, for a second, I thought, why the hell not. Aaron doesn’t want me anymore, I messed that up.” 

“You didn’t,” Aaron whispers, needing him to know. 

“I bought her a bottle of wine,” Robert continues on, like he just needs to get it all out there in the open. “And then I helped her drink it. She wanted to go somewhere else, just the two of us and-”

“And you wanted to go with her,” Aaron finishes for him. 

“No!” Robert exclaims, bringing his hand up to cup Aaron’s chin. “But then you’re mum walked in and Katie was with her and-”

“Oh.”

“I just wanted to get out of there. So I bought another bottle of wine and we went off to the cricket pavilion,” he admits. 

“And then?” Aaron asks and there’s a quiver in his voice. He’s not sure he really wants to know the rest. 

“Aaron,” Robert says and he’s back to using his soft voice. “Nothing happened. We drank the wine and she was getting all cozy and all I could think about was you.” 

“Me?”

“You and me on your birthday, powering through a bottle of whiskey until I could gather up enough courage to kiss you. I had my eyes closed, reminiscing and then all of a sudden she was kissing me.”

“Did you kiss her back?” he asks, needs to know, his insecurities laid bare.

“I pulled away so fast I smacked my head on the porch railing,” Robert laughs and the sound is like magic, healing him as it washes over him. “Here, feel,” he says as he grabs his hand and brings it around to the back of his head where he can feel a tiny bump on his scalp underneath his hair. Aaron can’t help but grin at the thought. “And then I legged it so fast, even faster than you that night.”

“So basically, I’m an idiot?” Aaron asks, feeling lighter all of a sudden, like everything is going to be okay. 

“You’re lucky I love idiots,” Robert smiles at him. 

There’s that word again and Aaron feels guilty all over again. He did cause all of this, because he couldn’t say it back. Robert seems to sense his thoughts because, his hand his back on his face, stroking his cheek, letting his fingers drift up into his growing hair that’s finally starting to curl a bit, especially since he didn’t bother to gel it into oblivion this morning. 

“You don’t have to say it back,” he assures him. “I know. And I know I should have just told you in the first place.”

“Why didn’t you?” he asks. If there was nothing to hide, why let it go this long? “I thought we were trying to work on talking more.” 

“Says the bloke who was ignoring me at the time,” Robert points out. 

Aaron huffs out a laugh and shakes his head at himself. “Fair point. I guess I need to work on my communication skills...and not thinking the worst of people. Especially you.” 

“It’s okay,” Robert tells him, thumb dragging at the corner of his mouth now. “I know-I know you have trouble trusting people and I know why and-”

“I trust you,” Aaron cuts him off, needing him to know. Pulling his hand out from where it was buried in his hoodie pocket, he grabs a hold of Robert’s face and brings it towards his, mashing their lips together. It’s messy and not exactly on target but he doesn’t care, he just needs to kiss him, make up for the day they lost. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles when they part for air. 

“So am I,” Robert agrees. “I should have just told you but I didn’t want to ruin things when I’d only just gotten you back.” 

“You didn’t,” Aaron assures him. “It’s sorted. We’re sorted.” 

“Good,” Robert grins at him and leans in for another kiss. 

\---

A few more kisses and he’s dragging Aaron off to one of the barns near by, letting him drive the quad while he wraps his arms around him from behind. It’s only been a day, but Robert’s missed him so much, enough that neither of them want to wait to get back to the house or deal with any interruptions. The door smacks against the frame, rattling it as they slam it shut behind them. He’s not even fazed by the sound, too focused on Aaron in front of him, unzipping his hoodie and pushing it from his shoulders, all while making every effort to keep his lips firmly attached to some part of Aaron’s body. It’s frantic at first, kissing his lips, his cheek, his neck. Pulling at the collar of his t-shirt, he sucks a bruise into the hollow of his collar bone, savoring the salty taste of his skin. 

Aaron’s hands find their way to his waist, pulling at the arms of his overalls until the knot he’d tied earlier comes undone. They fall around his ankles and he kicks at them, Aaron laughing into the crook of his neck, until he finally gets them over his work boots. He shuts Aaron up with another kiss, their tongues twisting together. 

Faintly in the distance, he hears the sound of a horse neighing, which confuses him because they don’t keep any horses on the farm. He can’t think about that now though, because Aaron’s unzipped his jeans, his hand pressing against him. With a moan, he bites gently at his shoulder through the fabric of his t-shirt, hands grabbing at his neck, his hair, as Aaron’s fingers wrap around him through his boxers. 

He’s gone already, head floating in the clouds as he bucks his hips, aching for more contact. Aaron makes him wait, sliding his hands up underneath his t-shirt instead, lifting his arms up until the fabric is sliding across his skin, up over his head. He hears his own voice mumble the word ‘please’, lips pressed against Aaron’s ear and it sounds distant because he’s miles away. 

They both are. 

“Well this is unexpected!” 

He freezes, his skin prickling with a sudden cold, a shiver running through him. Aaron’s hands stop and pull away, dropping like lead to his sides. He knows that voice. 

They both do. 

Katie.

[](https://imgur.com/ZwmYfx2)  
Took a stab at drawing 2010 Aaron with the longer hair he's been growing.


	31. Chapter Thirty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert struggle to deal with the fallout of Katie catching them in the barn but ultimately make a decision together on what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever since I updated. I struggled with this chapter but it's finally done. All my train writing paid off. I hope you enjoy. As always, thank you for all of the comments and kudos and Nikki for being my cheerleader and my tumblr anons who ask me when the update is coming. Haha. Only a four more chapter left I think and then the epilogue.

May 2010

“Well this is unexpected!” 

Katie sounds smug and it makes Aaron’s skin crawl as he tugs at the ends of his t-shirt, feeling exposed. A step back puts more distance between them but it doesn’t give him much comfort, his heart hammering hard against his rib cage. His skin feels clammy, hot then cold then hot again and he can’t control it. She takes a step further into the barn, closing the gap again and his breathing goes shallower. Robert’s just stood there like a statue, like he’s unable to move and Aaron wonders if this is somehow worse than when Andy found out. It’s certainly worse for him than when he told Paddy. Katie’s a wild card, unpredictable. If anyone would blurt it out to his mum or the whole godforsaken village out of spite it’d be her. 

“You know Chas thought you two were up to something dodgy. She wasn’t wrong,” Katie laughs, each high pitched sound like a puncture to his lungs until he’s leaking out oxygen but not taking any in. “I’d have expected better of you Aaron.” 

“Katie,” he hears Robert say, finally having found his voice. 

Aaron’s not sure whether he trails off or not because all he wants is air and he’s not getting it. Staggering back, he knocks himself into a stack of hay bales, his feet getting swept out from under him until he’s sitting on the edge of one, straw poking at his back. It’s the only thing keeping him slightly tethered to reality. Katie knows and she’s going to tell his family. That’s the only thought going round in his head, stuck like a bad song lyric. 

“Aaron!” 

The voice is close to his ear, shouting for some reason. There are hands on his shoulders, shaking him, but he can’t see anything. His eyes are shut, he realizes eventually, and he pries them open slowly, Robert’s blurry face slowly coming into focus. His eyes are wide and he’s still shouting his name. Aaron pushes his hands away, needs space to get his breath back. 

“What’s wrong with him?” he hears Katie ask over the ringing in his ears. 

“Just shut up!” Robert shouts at her, his eyes never leaving him. 

“I’m getting Chas,” Katie says and she fades into his vision and then drifts out again. There’s a loud sound and he thinks it’s the door to the barn. 

His mind snaps back into focus, his lungs still heaving. He can hear himself panting and Robert’s there in front of him still, hands back on his shoulders to steady him as he tries to stand too soon. 

“Rob-Robert!” He’s shouting. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Robert says, soft voice washing over him gently. 

“You have-you have to go after her,” he gets out, willing Robert to see the severity of the situation. “She can’t-she’s gonna-”

“Not until I know you’re alright,” Robert tells him, stroking a hand down his cheek. Aaron doesn’t have time for that. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Just-just go!” Aaron urges him, pushing him away and towards the door, still swinging on its hinges. Maybe it won’t be too late. 

\---

Robert spares one last glance behind him before he goes, noting the color coming back to Aaron’s cheeks, and then pushes the heavy door open. He’s going to be okay, he tells himself, as he makes his way to the quad, swinging his leg over. He’s not wrong either; he needs to get to Katie before she makes it back to the village. Now that Aaron’s fine, his own panic is overriding his system again because if she tells Chas, she could tell Diane, could tell the whole village and he’s tired of having other people take the choice away from him.

Following in the direction of the dirt her horse kicked up, he tries to pick up her trail. She can’t have gotten too far but every second that passes feels like she’s slipping out of his reach. They shouldn’t have been so careless. If they had just gone back to the house. He tries to tell himself he doesn’t care that Katie knows but it’s a lie and he can’t get that smug smirk of hers or the arrogance in her voice out of his head. She knew she had one over on him but it’s more than that to him and he can’t help himself but hate her for it. 

Up ahead towards the stone wall, he sees her horse and she looks about ready to jump it but he can’t let her do that or he’ll never catch her. Speeding up, as fast as the quad will take him, he’s thankful for all of the work Aaron’s put into it. When he gets close, he whips the bike around a cuts off her path. The startled neighing of the horse fills his ears as he shuts off the quad and he watches in shock as it rears up on its hind legs. Katie’s eyes go wide as she struggles to hang on but fails, jostled from the saddle. Landing with a hard thud on the ground, she’s still for a moment as he climbs off the bike, unsure of what to do. He didn’t mean for her to get hurt.

Before he can get to her though, she’s back on her feet, left arm cradled to her chest, while the other shoves him backward as hard as she can. “Are you crazy?” she screeches at him, eyes tearing a bit as she glances down at her injured arm. 

“Are you?” he counters, his panic boiling over to rage now he knows she’s mostly fine. “You’re just going to go run off to tattle to Chas so you can what? Get one over on me? What about Aaron?” He pushes her back, crowding into her space. 

“What about Aaron?” she sounds confused. “I was going to get Chas because I thought he needed help!” 

“Aaron’s fine!” he shouts at her. “No thanks to you! You always make a habit of creeping around other people’s property?” 

“I just-” she falters. “I just saw you two go in there and I thought-”

“You thought you’d just catch us out,” Robert hammers the words into her even as she tries to back away. 

“Chas deserves to know what her son is doing! Or who he’s doing!” Katie drives back, a little smirk on her lips, like she just can’t help herself but mock him. It stings even if he doesn’t want it to. 

“And you’re just going to take that decision out of his hands are you? You’re gonna out him to his mum? Are you really that cruel?” He lays a hand on her and she recoils away, cradling her left arm to her chest tighter. 

“Chas wouldn’t care that he’s-” she pauses, considering, wincing as she presses her fingers against her left wrist like she’s trying to see how much damage was done. “She might care that he’s being used by scum like you though!” 

“I’m not-” he’s taken aback a bit by her accusation, finds himself stumbling on his feet. “I’m not using him.”

“So you really are gay then?” she asks and he can see a flicker of hurt in her eyes and he hates that it’s there because maybe he still means something to her. When he first came back here he would have been thrilled at that. 

There’s another part of him that cringes back at the word ‘gay’ though. He hates that it’s what everyone assumes. Like suddenly his relationship with Aaron invalidates every relationship he’s had before it, that it invalidates the relationship he had with her. “I’m not gay,” he tells her, fighting to stay calm. 

Katie scoffs and points at his jeans. “Might want to tell that to your open fly,” she laughs at him and the sound burns at his skin, his insides. Quickly, he glances down, fiddling with the zipper to pull it up. “Wait till Andy hears about this!” 

“Oh you’re gonna out me too? Is that how it is? First of all,” he takes a deep breath, still has to prepare himself every time. “I’m bi, not gay. Second...Andy knows,” he tells her, hating the way his voice wavers. Andy’s been nothing but supportive, he reminds himself, however shocking that still is to him. “And he’s fine with it!” 

He can’t read her expression but she’s studying him and he feels like he’s back under that microscope, like she’s mentally going through every interaction they had in the past. It makes him squirm. “Of course he is,” she says like it’s not even a big deal. She has no idea the hell he’s gone through trying to keep his secret. 

“Well I didn’t know that!” he yells in her face as if that will make him feel better. It doesn’t. This wasn’t how he saw this going at all. He just wanted to get her to keep quiet and now it feels like she’s just making light of all of it. Taking a step backward, putting distance between them, he trips over his feet, the back of the quad bike catching him before he falls. He hates showing any kind of weakness in front of her. 

“You really thought he would have a problem with it, didn’t you?” she asks, following him, her face softening for a moment. 

There’s a glimpse of the old Katie there, the one he loved once, the one he thought loved him back. He wants to hold onto that but thinking about that time just makes him think about Jack too and he can’t talk to her about this. “I don’t want to talk about, right!” he snaps at her, trying to sit up straight, recapture some dignity. This isn’t just about him anyway. “Look, just please don’t tell Chas, alright. Aaron’s terrified of her knowing, okay. Forget about me, just don’t do that to him.” 

“She just wants to reconnect with her son,” Katie argues, good hand on her hip. “She deserves to know who her son is dating. Face it, you’re a user Robert. You use people until you’ve gotten what you wanted from them and then-”

 

“I’m not using him!” he shouts over her. “I love him! I’d never hurt him-”

“You love him? Like you loved me?” Katie shoves at his shoulder again, all the pain between them pouring out. “You’ve cheated on every person you’ve ever been with Robert. We were happy and then you cheated on me with Sadie and you didn’t even have the balls to admit it!”

“I know,” he sighs, his voice going quiet. He’s not going to lie about it anymore. 

“You what?” 

“I didn’t love you the way I should have,” he admits. “But I’m not that person anymore. I don’t want to be. Aaron he’s-he’s different. And he’s been through a lot and things with Chas are well-they’re complicated at best. Just let him tell her in his own time. Please! I’m begging you.” 

“Robert Sugden begging, now I have seen everything,” she laughs but there’s no bite to it, just sadness. She pauses long enough, thinking it over, that he can’t resist filling the void with another ‘please Katie!’ for good measure, which makes her look up at him in surprise. “Fine.”

“Really?” he asks, needs to make sure she’s serious.

“I won’t say anything, but he should,” she tells him and he’s trying to figure out if that sounds like a warning or not. “She’s really trying, Chas, and all she wants is a second chance.” 

“Third chance,” Robert can’t help himself. He’ll always be on Aaron’s side. 

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, can you Robert?” she says, a smirk tugging at her lips again. “Just tell him to ease up on her a little bit and I’ll keep my mouth shut.” 

“Is that a threat?” he asks, wanting to wipe the smirk off her face. 

“Just a suggestion,” she says sweetly. “Everybody wins. Now, you’re giving me a ride to A&E because I think you broke my wrist.” 

‘Find your own way there’ is what he wants to tell her but the last thing he wants to do is destroy this tenuous truce they have going even if he’s dreading the thought of telling Aaron that he needs to at least say hello to Chas from time to time to keep Katie sweet. At least this will buy them time, he thinks, as he helps her tie up her horse nearby and then texts Aaron to let him know he’ll be a while but that everything is going to be okay. He needs him to know that much, that he has his back in this. Nothing is going to get between them again. 

\---

“Just stop looking over there,” Robert tells him as he slides back into the booth across from him with another round and a sticky toffee pudding. 

The smell of the toffee distracts him for a moment, but Aaron can’t help but keep his eyes glued on the table in the back of the pub where his mum sits with Katie, her wrist still in a cast, the two of them consoling a distraught looking Gennie by plying her with copious amounts of white wine. It’s been a week since Katie caught them and nothing’s happened but he still can’t shake the feeling that she’s just going to blurt it out to his mum at any second. Every once in awhile she glances over at them and he feels the beginnings of another panic attack coming on and it takes him a second or two to regain his composure. He hates that he feels like he has no control over any of it. 

The edge of warm plate nudges into his fingers. “Aaron,” Robert tries to drag his attention back to him. 

“What and you’re not bricking it every second?” he asks him, not even looking at him. “What if we look at her wrong and she just decides to stand up and shout it out to the whole pub?”

The feeling of Robert’s hands on his face makes him jump, his cheeks sandwiched between long fingers as he forcibly drags his eyes away from his mum and Katie. “Of course I am,” Robert says and Aaron can hear the tension in his voice, the fear. “But maybe she really isn’t going to say anything.”

“You really believe that? Maybe she’ll just tell everyone and we’ll be the lead story in the village gossip mill,” Aaron deadpans. 

“I think the gossip mill’s got plenty talk about,” Robert laughs. “Nicola’s got a court date for biting Cathy Hope. Charity’s been winding Cain up by getting a little too friendly with that Declan bloke that just arrived. And speaking of him, Nathan seems to hate him-

“Yeah cause he’s sneaking around with his mum,” Aaron adds in. 

“What really?” Robert asks.

“Trust me, I know what sneaking around looks like,” he offers, nudging his knee into Robert’s under the table. 

“Mmm,” Robert hums his agreement. “Oh and the reason Gennie’s got a broken heart over there is because I heard she slept with Bob once and Jamie couldn’t get over it.” 

“You what?” Aaron can’t help himself but laugh. Gennie with Bob? He shudders at the thought. “Where did you hear that?” 

“Betty,” Robert says and Aaron raises an eyebrow at him. “What? Sometimes I have to wait a while at the caf before you get your break. I hear things! In fact, I heard Viv found out too and is trying to get custody of the twins.” 

Aaron shakes his head, imagining his boyfriend sat with Betty and Pearl and Edna getting all the latest juicy gossip. He needs to stop being late to their lunch dates. “Are you done trying to cheer me up now?” 

“Is it working?” Robert asks, giving his knee a nudge back. 

“Not really,” he admits, his eyes sliding over to his mum’s table again, his heart leaping up into his throat as he sees Katie lean in to whisper something in her ear. Chas glances over his way and he averts his eyes quickly but not before seeing her stand. His fingers cross involuntarily under the table, hoping she’s just going to the bar and not coming over to talk to him. Robert brackets his feet with his to try and ground him and he does his best to take comfort from it. 

“Hiya love,” Chas’s voice washes over him and he can hear the nerves rumbling through it even as she tries to be gentle with him. 

He wants to brush her off but he can feel Katie’s eyes on them. When he looks over there though, she’s back talking to Gennie so maybe he’s just imagining it. He doesn’t want to risk it though. “Mum,” he says simply, keeping it neutral. 

“I thought maybe we could-well that we could try having tea together again,” she says, trying to match his tone and not get over excited like she normally does. 

It’s the last thing he wants to do and he fights the urge to scoff, to tell her to do one. “I uhh-” 

“I know you don’t want to come to Carl’s but I could come to you or we could eat here or-”

He’s going to need Paddy for back up for this. “Umm I guess Paddy’s,” he says tentatively. One meal, he can handle one meal. 

“Oh!” She sounds shocked that he’s agreed. “Well, that’s-that’s great son! How about tomorrow?” 

The toe of Robert’s trainers massages his calf, reminding him he’s there with him. He leans his leg into the touch. “Yeah, fine, whatever,” he mumbles. 

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she beams at him and he has to look away from her. 

She seems to take the hint, heading back to her table, and Aaron slumps against the back cushion of the bench, exhausted already and they haven’t even gotten to tomorrow. They’ve never quite gotten along but there was a time when he’d come back and they were settled at Paddy’s that things weren’t so bad between them. He’s just not sure they can ever get back to that place, especially not when he’s working so hard to keep secrets from her. 

“You okay?” Robert asks him after a beat or two. 

He looks down sadly at his sticky toffee pudding but suddenly he’s not even hungry. “Can we just go?” 

“Erm, well,” Robert stumbles over his words, nodding toward the door where Vic and Adam are coming in, “I did invite reinforcements but-”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he sighs as he scrapes up a bit of toffee with his finger and licks it off. “Does this mean you’re encouraging that now then? I thought you didn’t want him dating your sister.” 

Robert gives him a lopsided smile, one that still makes his stomach flip a little. “Well I might be coming around to him. Though if he’s going to ask her out, he should just do it already.” 

“You’re telling me,” Aaron laughs, feeling his spirits rise a little. 

“We’ll only stay for a bit,” Robert promises him. 

Aaron nods, grateful, already yawning. 

\---

He wakes in the middle of the night, half three in the morning according to Robert’s phone that’s wedge into his side. Aaron vaguely remembers falling asleep with his head on Robert’s chest as his boyfriend read some new book on his phone. It was a nightmare that woke him but not his usual. This time he dreamt of Katie standing up in the village hall where everyone was gathered for some reason or another and announcing that she’d caught him and Robert at it in the barn. Everyone had been staring, frowning, laughing. He’d run but somehow he couldn’t get away from them all, he’d just end up back in the hall, banging on the door, trying to get out. 

“Want to talk about it?” Robert asks him, stirring slightly underneath him, his voice thick with sleep. 

“No,” he tells him softly. “Weren’t one of those dreams. Go back to sleep.” 

Even in the dark, he can see Robert smile at him, taking his phone back and reaching over him to set it on his bedside table. “Come ‘ere then,” he says, and pulls him back down so his head is once again pillowed on his chest, face pressed against the soft folds of his sleep warm t-shirt. 

It’s morning when he wakes up again but he hardly feels rested, eyes crusted thick, having lingered in a dream about his impending tea with his mum. She’d known somehow, couldn’t remember how now, wasn’t important. The only thing that was is the disappointed look he remembers on her face. There was sadness there too, and pity and disgust. There’s a part of him that just wants to get it over with, to tell her, because they aren’t on good terms anyway. This could be the final straw and then he just wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. She had been so eager yesterday though, so hopeful that they could work things out, and he hates the thought of ruining that. 

Instead, he burrows his face further into Robert’s side where he’s ended up, half wrapped around him, and tries to think of nothing. He’s failing, his mind still churning through disruptive thoughts but Robert’s helpful in that area, tugging at his chin until their lips meet. He plies him with lazy kisses, soft and warm, his hand drifting down his front and slipping under the waistband of his boxers, taking care of him with deft fingers until he’s so blissed out he can hardly remember his name let alone any of his worries. When he’s done, he pulls him back against him, arm protectively wrapped around him, shielding him from the world. It’s safe, but they can’t stay like this forever. 

They’re downstairs before he knows it, making a mess of the kitchen as Robert gets it in his head that he’s going to make them French toast. He claims he knows what he’s doing but Aaron’s already skeptical since he’s lamenting the fact that they only have white bread and nothing better. There’s nothing wrong with his bread choices. Still, he finds it somewhat mesmerizing, watching Robert carefully coat each slice in the eggy mixture and lay it in the frying pan. It’s soothing, even if his mind keeps straying to thoughts of his mum coming round later and he’s got college later and he’s not looking forward to that, doesn’t think he’ll be able to concentrate anyway. Maybe he’ll just sack it off. 

Robert hands him a second frying pan that he didn’t even know they had and a package of bacon and he just sort of stares at it for a moment, too lost in his own head to remember what to do with it. He’s counting the minutes until tea time, wondering if his mum will have dinner with Katie today, if she’ll blow it all before she even gets to his later. He’s doing what she wants though, she wouldn’t tell, right?

“It’s gonna go fine,” Robert reassures him but even in his nervous state, he’s noticed Robert’s own worry even if he thinks he hasn’t. He can see just how much concentration he’s been putting into breakfast, knows he’s trying to focus on that instead of his concerns about Katie. 

“Will you come?” Aaron asks. 

“Then it definitely won’t go well,” Robert tries to joke but neither one of them are much in the mood for humor. “Sorry,” he says instead. 

Pulling a piece of finished French toast out of the pan, Robert sets it aside on the plate with the rest and grips at his waist, tugging him in until their foreheads knock against one another’s. 

“I’ll go find her later, make sure she’s not said anything,” Robert promises him. 

Aaron doesn’t want to even talk about her, makes it too real. Instead, he leans up and captures Robert’s lips with his own. Robert allows it, taking comfort from it too, pulling him in closer, slouching down to meet him easier. His hands slide up under the hem of his T-shirt just a bit, a little sticky from handling all of the ingredients but he doesn’t mind, just wants to be close to him, to lose himself in their own little world. 

“Oh!” comes Paddy’s high pitched voice. 

They spring apart instantly, Aaron’s heart pounding in his ears, his breathing shallow again. He hates that even the slightest thing threatens to set off another panic attack. He just wants to be in control. Robert’s practically on the other side of the room now, looking pale, his hands shaking a bit at his sides. He didn’t realize quite how on edge they both were. 

“Sorry,” Paddy apologizes, “as you were...or well...maybe not quite as you were. Might set the kitchen on fire...I mean...if you’re too distracted...I mean...your French toast is burning.”

Robert catches on first, striding back across the kitchen and yanking the frying pan off of the burner and turning it off. Setting it down with a clang, he pokes at the burnt piece with the spatula and makes a frustrated face at it. If Aaron weren’t so freaked out, he might have found it cute, not that he’d admit that to him. Instead, he doesn’t move, just stays stuck to the edge of the counter, back pressed up against it eyeing Paddy as his eyes flit between them. 

“What’s got you two so jumpy?” he asks, nicking one of the good pieces of French toast and putting it on a plate for himself. 

“Nothing,” they both say, stumbling over each other. 

Paddy grabs a fork and sits down at the table, gesturing to the chairs across from him. “Alright, sit down and spill,” he directs them. 

It takes them another minute or two before they manage to move, Robert first, plating them each a stack of french toast, eying the forgotten bacon as he nods at him. He follows reluctantly, sitting down beside him, fidgeting with his fork as he smothers his toast with syrup just for something to do. Poking at it more than eating it, he keeps his eyes on the food, not wanting to look up at Paddy because he knows he’ll crack. 

“Well?” Paddy prompts them when neither of them offer up any actual information. “I just want to help.” 

Brushing his hand against his arm lightly, Robert draws his attention towards him, a question in his expression, ‘can I tell him?’. Aaron nods, because now that Paddy’s got the scent, he won’t let up until he gets it out of them. He knows it’s because he cares and it still manages to surprise him every time that he has someone like Paddy in his life, someone who stubbornly refuses to turn his back on him, someone who won’t hurt him. When his mum had first started seeing him, Aaron wouldn’t have thought he’d be here with him now in a million years. Not like this. 

“Katie knows,” Robert says solemnly and Aaron feels the weight of the words. “She uhh...she caught us...in one of our barns.” 

“What was she doing up there?” Paddy asks, his mouth falling open. 

“Riding...snooping...trying to catch me out?” Robert muses. “I don’t know but you know Chas, she’s convinced Aaron and I are up to something and she’s got her trusty sidekick on the case.” 

“Her wrist?” Paddy asks, not quite finishing the thought. 

“I went after her on the quad, spooked the horse. She’ll be fine, the doctor said,” Robert tells him while Aaron just sits there quietly, not sure what to add. He’d made Robert go after her. It was his fault she’d gotten hurt. He’d never meant for anything to happen like that. 

He mushes around his soggy toast, pushing it further into the syrup puddles on his plate, thinking about Katie always at his mum’s side. He’s always afraid she’s seconds away from telling her. “She’s gonna tell me mum,” he blurts out finally, filling the silence that Robert left. 

“She said that?” Paddy asks. 

“Not if I play nice,” Aaron tries to explain. “With me mum I mean.” 

“That’s why you invited her for tea?,” Paddy puts the pieces together. 

“She was there, watching,” Aaron tells him. “I didn’t want to risk it.” 

“Aaron,” Paddy sighs with both warmth and exasperation. “You don’t really think she would-“

“Wouldn’t put it past her,” Robert chips in. 

“Right,” Paddy places his palms down flat on the table. “Would you like my advice?” When they both just stare blankly at him, he continues. “Now, far be it from me to understand what either of you are going through and I will have a word with Katie if that’s what you both want but-“

“You think I should just tell me mum?” Aaron finishes for him, letting his body deflate a bit, slumping down in his chair. 

“I know you’re scared but I really think she’ll be alright with it. She loves you...in her own Chastity way,” Paddy tells him and then turns to Robert. “And Diane does as well.”

“What?” Robert sits up abruptly like he’s been caught out. 

“Andy may have mentioned that you were avoiding telling her,” Paddy admits. “I just think, it might be easier, knowing you can control how and when people know rather than always worrying and looking over your shoulder.”

“Yeah we would be able to if-“ Robert starts, bitterness dripping off his tone. 

“I’m not defending Katie by any means,” Paddy clarifies. “If she made any kind of threat, then she was absolutely in the wrong. I’m just trying to help you make the best of the situation. You both look shattered.”

“Oh cheers Patrick!” Aaron quips, proving his point as he stifles a yawn. An eyebrow quirk from Paddy and he’s nodding. “I know. And I am...exhausted...but the thought of telling her...I don’t know if I can.”

“Well I’m here for you, either way. You know that,” Paddy smiles at him, taking a bite of Robert’s handiwork. “Mmm. This is really good!”

Robert beams at the praise and Aaron can’t help but smile as well, the tension inside him easing a bit, knots in his muscles unraveling as he leans back in his chair, watching his boyfriend animatedly explain his cooking secrets to Paddy. Vic may be the Sugden turning their kitchen upside down in a bid to be Emmerdale’s top chef, Marlon better watch out, but it’s clear it’s something Robert enjoys as well. He likes finding out all these new little things about him. 

Finally taking a bite of his breakfast himself, one of the less soggy bits, he has to admit Robert did a good job. Maybe he’ll even tell him, he laughs to himself, before turning his mind over to more pressing matters. He mulls over what Paddy said. It would be easier, he’s not wrong there, but she finally actually seems like she wants to be a part of his life and he hates the thought of anything changing that. Even if, like Paddy said, she’ll be alright with it, it still feels like everything between them will shift. He is tired though, so tired, and he knows she won’t let up until she gets to the truth anyway. He needs to be the one to tell her, as terrifying as it is, not someone else. 

—-

Robert’s pacing. He can’t seem to help himself and he definitely can’t sit still, doesn’t know how Aaron’s managing it. Then again, he can see his knee under the table jiggling up and down, nearly smacking the underside of it with every movement. They’re actually about to do this and Robert’s not sure why he even agreed to it, his stomach already churning with nerves. Glancing back at Aaron, they smile at each other briefly, quick, almost pained smiles, as they wait. He tries to take some comfort from it, that they’re in this together, but even that’s not quite enough. 

In the end, they’d both decided to do it, to come clean, or well...to come out. He couldn’t leave Aaron to face his mum alone, didn’t want to, so he’d called Diane to invite her round as well. To say she was shocked to hear from him was an understatement. It wasn’t like they were exactly close and maybe that was partly his fault, always pushing people away because he was afraid. He’s trying to be better about that, with Aaron, with Andy and now with Diane. He’s trying but he’s still terrified. On his fifteenth lap around the kitchen, he’s not sure why he agreed to this, why he thought it would be a good idea at all. 

Paddy’s gone off to get them a takeaway, Chinese he thinks but he was hardly paying attention. He could ask Aaron but he doubts he was listening either. He looks miles away and Robert gets it because he feels the same. A stray, unwanted tear forms in the corner of his left eye and he wipes it away quickly, trying not to think about the thought that caused it but he can’t help it. He wishes it were Sarah that were coming for tea instead of Diane. She always understood him better than anyone, was always there for him when others, when his father wasn’t. His life could have been so different if she had lived. He thinks he might have come out years ago because if she had caught him kissing Tom in his room, surely she would have reacted differently. She would have told him it was alright, that there was nothing to be ashamed of. He would have believed her. 

When Clyde gets up from lazing about with his head in his food bowl and starts following him round and round Aaron’s had enough. “Will you stop! You’re making me nervous,” he says. 

“Sorry,” Robert forces himself to stop, Clyde running into the back of his legs, whining that the game seems to be done. “I can’t help it.” 

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Aaron gives him an out. 

“I think I need to,” he sighs, knowing it’s true. Everyone else in his life knows. It’s time he told Diane too. He knew Andy had invited her round for Sunday lunch and he was already dreading the awkwardness but if he got it over with now, maybe he could actually enjoy himself. “I’m just scared,” he admits. 

“Me too,” Aaron tells him, grabbing for his hand and lacing their fingers together, holding on for dear life. Robert can feel his pulse racing. 

A knock comes at the door and they both squeeze each other’s hand harder for a moment before they let them fall back to their sides, Aaron getting up from his chair, swaying a bit. Hands on his shoulders, Robert steadies him and leans in, pressing his lips quickly against Aaron’s before pulling back and taking a deep breath. Aaron copies him but he can already tell it’s not as deep a breath as he could take. He’s worried for him, for both of them really. 

Robert opens the door, Aaron hovering just behind him. It’s Chas who’s arrived first and her face falls immediately when she sees him, her lips pursing together like she’s fighting back saying something nasty. He doesn’t expect her to hold her tongue long. She pushes her way in, like she expects he’s just going to shut the door on her and she doesn’t want to give him the chance. This is supposed to be her time with Aaron and he’s not going to ruin that for her, apparently. 

“He is leaving, isn’t he?” Chas asks Aaron immediately, shooting Robert a dirty look over her shoulder as he shuts the door in her wake. 

Aaron just shakes his head, biting at his lip and Robert can practically feel the nerves radiating from him. As much as he’s worrying about himself, he knows that this is monumental for Aaron and he just hopes that he can get it out and that Chas doesn’t react badly. The last thing he wants for him is another major setback. He’s had too many in his life already. 

“Where’s Paddy?” Chas demands to know. 

“He’s just gone to get the food,” Robert tells her because he’s pretty sure Aaron can’t actually form words right now and he’s feeling defensive enough for the both of them. “And we’re still waiting on one more anyway.” 

“One less more like,” Chas sneers at him. “Get lost Robert. I’m trying to spend time with my son, not you.” 

Another knock at the door saves him and he goes to answer it, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. Diane smiles at him when he opens it, a far cry from Chas’s expression. There’s a plastic wrapped pie in her hands that he suspects came from Marlon’s kitchen, the crisscrossed pastry top revealing the blackberry filling inside. He can do this, he tells himself, trying to psych himself up. Taking the pie from her, he gestures for her to come in, forcing a smile of his own. Both women look confused when they spot each other. 

“What are you doing here?” Chas asks her, her eyes flitting between him and Aaron suspiciously.

“Was invited early this afternoon,” Diane says. “Don’t worry, I was a shocked as you are.” She laughs lightly Robert knows it’s good natured, one mother figure to another but it raises his hackles anyway. 

“Well?” Chas turns back to Aaron. 

Robert hears him gulp, watches him shift from foot to foot, trying to find the words. Inching closer to him, he whispers in his ear, “Together or separate?” They hadn’t quite gotten that far in their planning. It had been enough to make the decision to tell them at all.

“I think-” Aaron starts, the words barely audible, “on my own.” 

“If you need me,” Robert tells him, trying to be strong for him. Aaron nods quickly and he turns back to Diane. “I uhh, I need to talk to you about something.” 

He takes her into the living room, reluctantly leaving Aaron with Chas in the kitchen. Of course he gets it, that he needs to do it himself, but he hates the thought of leaving him to face Chas on his own. He doesn’t trust her. Diane on the other hand, has such a warm, open look on her face that he almost feels bad he hasn’t told her before now. That doesn’t stop him from resuming his pacing though, wearing a hole in Paddy’s carpet. 

“Robert what is it?” she asks him, studying him quizzically as continues, back and forth, back and forth. 

He pauses for a second to look at her before he’s back at it. This is the part he’s never done before. He’s never had to. Half of him wishes they’d just caught him and Aaron making out on top of the kitchen table or something so he didn’t have to just come out with it. He’s never done it on his own either. Aaron’s always there with him, or Vic when Andy found out. This was a terrible idea, he thinks, frustrated with himself. 

“Robert,” Diane says gently, “you know that you can talk to me, about anything. I made a promise to Jack-”

“Please don’t mention him,” Robert blurts out, bristling at the sound of his name. “I can’t do this and talk about him.” 

“Do what pet?” She’d been sitting on the sofa but she gets up now, coming over to him, trying to catch his eye as he stares at the floor. “You’re scaring me.”

He looks up to see the worry in her eyes. “No, it’s not, I just…” Just say the words Robert, he berates himself. “I’m-I’m bisexual.” 

Closing his eyes, he feels the world stop, silence following his words. Then there’s hands on his shoulders, pulling him back to reality. Carefully, he pries his eyes back open and sees Diane’s smile, soft but cautious like she’s trying to suss something out. Her own eyes are warm though, a tear or two glistening in the corners. 

“Okay,” she says finally and then, “thank you for telling me.” 

“Okay?” he repeats her word. This wasn’t what he was expecting. Not that he even knows what he was expecting. He always just thinks the worst so that maybe he won’t be disappointed. 

“I’m glad that you felt like you could tell me,” she clarifies. “I love you like a son, you know that right?”

He should, but he doesn’t. Maybe that’s partly on him too. He’s never really let her in since he’s been back. “I guess.” 

“I love you Robert,” she tells him again, making sure he’s heard it this time. “Nothing you tell me could ever change that. Especially not this. Is this about Aaron?” 

Aaron? He strains his ears a bit, trying to hear what’s going on in the other room, too caught up in himself for a moment, but he can’t make anything out so he turns back to her. “How-”

“I do notice things from time to time,” she laughs. “You two are inseparable these days. Besides, there had to be a reason you were telling me now, and in his home.” 

Robert finds himself grinning back at her, feeling a heaviness lifting off of him, no longer weighed down by any secrets. “Suppose you have a point.” 

“I’m happy for you, pet,” she tells him, pulling him into a hug.

He lets himself go, falling into her embrace, his tall form hunching over her smaller one to bury his face in her neck, taking comfort in the feeling of her arms wrapping around him, her hands sliding up and down his back. She’s not Sarah, never could be, but he’s happy to have her, thinks he ought to appreciate it more. 

“I love you too,” he tells her, trying it out for the first time. 

\---

Aaron watches Robert go, pressed up against the edge of counter, as far from Chas as he can get. As soon as he disappears into the living room, he’s regretting telling him he wanted to do this on his own. What if he can’t? What if he can’t even get the words out? He’d barely even managed with Paddy and that had been a disaster. A noise escapes from his stomach as it turns violently. When Paddy gets back with this food, he’s not even sure he’s going to be able to eat it. 

Chas stares at him, hands on her hips, foot tapping against the tile floor. Impatient and ready to pounce the moment he speaks. “I don’t understand what Robert’s doing here,” she starts in when he can’t seem to figure out how to open his mouth. It’s like it’s glued shut all of a sudden. He’s never been very good with words. “He’s always around, Aaron, like a bad smell you can’t get rid of. I thought this, tonight, was supposed to be about you and me.” 

“I-it-” he tries but sentences are eluding him right now. 

He forces himself to try and remember Katie, watching them in the pub. Either he makes an effort or he just tells her himself. Right now he can’t seem to figure out how to do either. Paddy said he’d talk to Katie for him, make sure she didn’t say anything but it would only be a matter of time. No, he needs to do this, but his knees are shaking and his stomach is on it’s very own roller coaster ride and if his palms get any sweatier, they’ll be dripping onto the floor. He’s terrified. 

“- and maybe it was a mistake, coming here,” Chas is saying and he wonders if he missed much. “I know you hate me, that you’re still mad with me over Carl, but you’re not a kid anymore Aaron. You can’t just act up every time you don’t like something.”

“You left me,” Aaron rasps, his words half choked and he’s not even sure she heard them until her head snaps around to look at him. 

“I wanted you to come-”

“No you wanted to ditch me with Zak and Lisa,” Aaron reminds her, his voice getting stronger. 

“Carl would have let you stay eventually,” she tells him. “He knows how much you mean to me. But what was I supposed to do, Aaron? I couldn’t stay with Paddy just for you. You can’t help who you love, kid. You’ll learn that someday.” 

“I know that,” he finds himself saying, glancing over toward the living room again, wondering if Robert is having an easier time. 

She catches him looking and throws her arms up in exasperation. “Alright, out with it. What does he have over you? What’s he gotten you into?” 

“Nothing,” he insists, hates that she’s being like this. 

“Oh you know what, Aaron, just forget it,” Chas sighs, “If you can’t even be honest with me-I don’t know why I even bother.” 

Snatching her purse off the table, she makes her way towards the door, her heels clicking across the tile. His heart’s pounding, pulse racing. It’s on pure instinct that he reaches out to grab for her arm but he just misses her. He watches her slip through door and feels like all his chances are slipping away with her. Another second and he’s moving for the door, jamming his hand in the opening before it closes completely. Clyde clearly thinks it’s time to go out because all of a sudden he’s standing there waiting with his lead hanging from his mouth. 

Aaron shakes his head at the dog, and ruffles the fur on the top of his head quickly, before sliding through the narrow opening. “Mum wait,” he calls after her. 

She stops short on the drive and turns toward him. “What son? I’m trying here. I’m trying so hard and you just keep pushing me away.” 

“I know,” he admits. There’s so much more to it than he can ever tell her, but she’s not totally wrong either. “I just-I’m-” Again, he can’t resist a glance back at the cottage, where he knows Robert’s inside. 

“You’re what?” She’s practically begging. “What? Do you need Robert flipping Sugden to come tell you it’s okay to tell me what’s going on?”

“Stop!” he whips back around, shouting. He quiets immediately, doesn’t want to draw any attention to them, wishes they were back inside. His breathing quickens. “Just stop, okay. Robert-he’s...Robert’s my boyfriend.” 

Her mouth falls open, forming a perfect o, and she just stares at him, eyebrows shooting up so high they’re lost under her fringe. Aaron waits, waits for her to say something, anything, trying so hard not to panic. His fingernails curl into the skin of his palm, trying to keep himself tethered, trying to keep his body under control but he can feel himself slipping the longer the silence lasts. 

“Oh Aaron, no,” she finally sighs.

She’s like a balloon deflating, all the air seeping out, all his hopes with it. All his breath too. Paddy had made it seem like it was all going to be fine, like this would be the thing to bring them closer but he was wrong. His chest is heaving as he tries desperately to catch the air in his lungs, to hold onto it but they just never fill up properly. 

“No,” she says again, shaking her head, barely looking at him. 

His vision blurs and he sways on his feet. He doesn’t want this, wants to take it all back, shove the secret back into its box where it belongs. 

“Are you sure?” 

He hears her say the words but they’re far away now. He’s far away. He’s drowning.

“Aaron!” 

It’s a sharp screech in his ear and rough hands gripping his shoulders, shaking him as he feels his body flop around like a doll. 

“Aaron! What’s wrong? Sweetheart? Tell me what to do! Tell me how I can help?”

He doesn’t want her. She’s only making it worse. “Rob-get…” he tries but his tongue is thick in his mouth and he can’t make the words come out properly. 

Her hands leave his shoulders and he can’t see her anymore, doesn’t know if that’s because she’s left him or because he really can’t see. It makes him panic more. He’s reaching out his hands, just trying to grab for something, air or anything to keep him upright. There’s nothing, only emptiness and then a hand is gripping onto his and it’s warm and familiar and he holds onto it tight. 

“Aaron?” the softness in his voice soothes him. “Aaron it’s Robert, yeah. Look at me. Can you look at me?” 

“Obviously not!” he hears Chas shout, as he feels himself collapse into Robert’s arms. “I’m ringing the ambulance.”

“He’ll be alright, I promise,” Robert shouts back at her. “Just give me a minute.” 

Aaron feels himself being dragged, Roberts arms under his armpits, and then deposited on a rough wood surface. It takes him too long to realize it’s the bench outside the surgery. He feels Robert’s hands on his face, trying to direct his blurry gaze towards his face. Slowly it starts coming into focus. 

“Hey, Aaron, look at me,” he hears Robert’s voice again and he hates that he’s always having to bring him back from the edge like this, first with Katie and now. He wishes he could just stop himself from losing it like this. “That’s it,” he says when he must be satisfied enough. “You’re alright. Watch me. Just breath. In and out. Good. That’s it.” 

Bit by bit, the world sharpens around him again, first Robert’s worried eyes, the freckles on his face, the frown that turns into a smile when he sees that his breathing has evened out again. For a moment, everything is perfect until he happens to spot his mum over Robert’s shoulder and then he feels sick all over again, turning away, staring at bit of thread that’s fraying on the inseam of Robert’s jeans at the knee. 

Robert grabs his hands in his but turns his body back towards Chas. “What the hell did you say to him?” 

He risks a glance up towards her again, sees the dumbfounded look on her face as she watches them. When Robert told him about Andy finding out, he had said his brother had looked at him like he was a stranger all of a sudden and he felt that now. She was looking at him like she’d never even met him and it was scary. He didn’t know what it meant. Diane was there too, milling around behind her, looking concerned. 

“Nothing,” she claims but when Robert fixes her with a hard glare she backtracks. “He said-he said you were his boyfriend and I-”

“You said what?” Robert presses. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for him-”

“She said no,” Aaron whispers to him, sagging against his shoulder. “I just want to go inside.” 

“No sweetheart,” his mum pleads. “I didn’t mean-no..if you’re...if you’re gay? That’s alright, love. I just...but Robert?” 

“Oi!” Diane butts in. “That’s my stepson you’re talking about!” 

Aaron can see the little ghost of a smile that passes across Robert’s face at Diane’s defense of him and he’s thrilled for him. Him telling her, it must have gone okay and that’s all he wanted. It’s what he wanted for himself too but his mum doesn’t have a way with words either. She said it was okay though, that it was alright and that was more than he dared to hope for after her initial reaction. 

“Can I have a word with my son, please?” Chas asks. “Alone?” 

“Aaron?” Robert asks. 

He nods, taking a deep breath for him to show that he’s going to be fine. They need to finish this, before Paddy gets back with the takeaway. Something must be delaying him though because it really shouldn’t be taking this long. As Robert and Diane head back inside, his mum comes and takes a tentative seat beside him on the bench, cautiously reaching out and pulling him into a one armed embrace. It’s awkward and he’s not sure how he feels about anything but he melts into it anyway, trying to bask in the relief that she’s not running from him, not writing him off like she was prepared to earlier. Maybe Paddy was right after all. 

“I’m so sorry, love,” she says, the words being muffled as she presses a kiss into his hair. “I didn’t mean to make you think-I love you.” 

He nods, letting that sink in. “Robert’s not going anywhere,” he tells her, needs her to know that. “You can’t help who you love-” He catches himself on that word, it just tumbling out of his mouth with no warning. He wonders if he means it, if he can let himself. For now, he files it away. “You said that, remember?” 

“I know,” she says, releasing him a bit so she can look at him. “And I didn’t get it, Robert, but seeing him with you just now...I can see how much he cares about you. I just want you to be happy Aaron.” 

“I am,” he tells her and he thinks he means it. 

“Does Paddy know then?” she asks. 

Aaron nods. “And Andy and Vic...and Adam. And uh...Gennie and Katie too.” 

“And I’m the last to know anything about my own son,” she laments, looking annoyed. “Why didn’t you think you could tell me?”

“I didn’t want to tell anyone,” he says. “Adam just knew and Gennie figured it out and Katie...Katie caught us the other day and...she was gonna tell you and I...I wanted to tell you first.” She looks somewhat touched by that and Aaron’s happy it’s appeased her a bit. “I don’t want the rest of our lot knowing yet though. Please. Let me do this in my own time.” 

She smiles at him and for once he feels like she understands him, like they’re finally on the same page again after so long. “Whatever you want, son.” 

“Thanks,” he tells her and gives her a hug, which from her gasp he guesses shocks the hell out of her. It’s been a day for that, he supposes. 

\---

“Sorry sorry!” Paddy announces as he struggles to get through the door with all his takeaway bags. “I know I’m late back but Robert, they forgot to make your orange chicken so I had to wait for them to make it after. But the food’s still hot, I promise!” He pauses once he finally gets in and scatters the bags across the table in front of them, the four of them sitting around and staring up him. “Everything alright here?” he asks, hesitating between each word. 

“It’s fine Paddy,” Chas whines, “Only except apparently the reason we’re all starving is because of Robert here!” 

“Mum!” Aaron scolds her. They’ve been making stilted small talk for the past twenty minutes while they waited and it was awkward but it was going alright, he thought. 

“Joke!” she laughs and smiles at him to let him know she’s just teasing. “Mostly, cause I am actually starving.” 

“Well then let’s eat,” Paddy declares as he starts taking to-go boxes out of the bag and setting them out. Plates are next and when he gets round to them, he stoops over in between his and Robert’s chairs. “It went alright then?” 

“Yeah,” Aaron tells him and they both nod. 

“I’m pleased for ya,” Paddy gives them both a pat on the back and continues on. “You know, one of you could have actually set the table while I was out.” 

“Now where would be the fun in that, Pads?” Chas gives him a cheeky smirk and they all manage to laugh at that. 

Conversation falls by the wayside while they collectively shovel food into their mouths, Robert making sure to eat every last piece of his orange chicken lest he face the wrath of Chas. Aaron’s just happy that it’s for something as trivial as chicken rather than because she actually hates him, either of them. He never imagined this morning, or ever for that matter, that he’d be sat around the table having tea with his mum and Robert, the truth laid bare, and actually be having a decent time. There’s still so much he can never tell her, so many wounds that are going to take a lifetime to heal, he knows, but if he can have nights like this, he’ll take them. It’s a good start at least. 

“You know,” Chas starts once their bellies are full and Diane’s cutting into the blackberry pie she’s brought with her. Aaron’s not sure he can actually eat another bite but he knows Robert’s sweet tooth is aching for it. “I had a massive crush on this girl at school once, Karen Thompson. Redhead, year above me.” 

“You what?” Aaron looks up from the slice of pie that Diane’s just handed him, blackberry filling oozing out over his thumb as he sets it down. 

“I’m just making conversation,” she tells him. “And I just want you to know you know that I really am alright with it.” 

“Yeah, well, cheers,” Aaron groans, making a face. “But that’s too much information.” 

“Well nothing came of it,” she continues anyway. “She got pregnant off this right scumbag so I battered him. Then she never spoke to me again. Happy days.” 

“Right,” he sighs, “Changing the subject then…” 

“Alright, alright,” she cackles. “Tell me about you two then.” 

Aaron pales a bit. It was enough just to tell her that he was with Robert without getting into all of the details. She never bothered to talk to him about his relationship when he was dating Vic, other than to tell him to stay away from her. He supposes maybe this won’t be that different.

“Oi,” Paddy gets their attention, “let’s see the rest of those London pictures.” 

“Let’s not,” Aaron grumbles but he sees Robert already getting out his phone. “I am gonna delete those eventually.”

“No you’re not,” Robert grins at him. “I like them and they’re staying put.” 

Pushing the pie out of the way, he lays the phone down in the center of the table, turned toward them and starts flicking through his London album, which he notices has gotten more organized since the last time he saw it when he was trying to show Paddy. His boyfriend is a dork but he thinks he might love him for it. Leaning across the table, he watches the memories go by, realizing that they’re finally starting to create their own London right here, person by person. Robert slings his arm across his shoulders and he doesn’t flinch away, just groans as Chas makes an ‘awwing’ sound at the photo of Robert kissing him in front of Big Ben. It’s a start, he tells himself again, and it’s more than he ever thought he’d have. He’ll take that.


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chas says the wrong thing to Aaron. Robert feels support from his family. Aaron opens up in group. Chas's attempt to fix things with Aaron leaves everybody reeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been what...three months. Sorry isn't going to cut it. But thanks to anyone who actually still cares about this story and reads this update. I really do appreciate it. Let me know if you're still reading and you liked it!

June 2010

“Ooh! What about...what about that Robert Pattinson?” his mum asks, giving him a wink as he urges her toward the table in the cafe furthest from prying ears, glancing around to make sure no one’s listening to her insane questions. 

“Ugh,” Aaron grimaces at the mere thought. He’s successfully avoided that whole series and he plans on keeping it that way. 

“You know,” she whines, “you’ve turned your nose up at every single actor I’ve named.”

“Yeah,” he snorts as they sit down, hoping her lunch will distract her for a bit. It’s been non stop questions for days now. He’s glad she’s interested, that they’re spending more time together now but he wishes she’d at least stop trying to figure out what his type is. He’s not even sure he knows, other than Robert. “That’s cause they’re all minging! I mean...Zac Efron? Seriously?” 

“What? Is he not popular these days?” she shrugs. 

“How should I know?” Aaron shakes his head. “Besides, I’ve already got a,” he pauses and says the word in a whisper, “boyfriend,” before returning to his normal volume, “I don’t need to obsess over some actor for your benefit.” 

“Ah yes, the great Robert Sugden,” Chas winks at him again. 

“Stop,” he rolls his eyes. 

“What?” she laughs. “Maybe he’s growing on me! And if you want to talk about him instead-”

“Which I don’t,” he reminds her, not for the first time. 

“Oh come on Aaron,” she pleads with him. “All I’ve gotten is a couple photos. I want to know about your life. What about your first date?” 

He’s rolling his eyes, his whole head now. They’ve gone from barely speaking and her being in the dark on so much to this and it’s been a lot, too much sometimes but he’s trying to get used to it. “My birthday,” he relents finally and takes a massive bite of his sandwich just to delay the conversation a bit. 

“Awww,” she coos at him and it’s embarrassing to say the least. “He better have taken you somewhere nice.” 

He did, he thinks, as he chews slowly, and then he had to go and screw it up but they were past that now and he’s starting to move past all the rest too. Well, as much as he can anyway. Looking up from his sandwich, he sees her staring at him and he squirms a little. Being the center of attention has never been something he’s comfortable with. He’d almost rather listen to her rabbit on about her plans for Nicola’s hen do tomorrow than deal with her quasi interrogation...almost. Actually, if he has to hear about the pig mask she got for her one more time, he might be needing to call Robert to bail him out of prison. 

“Well?” she presses on, ignoring her food. “Where’d he take you?”

“Just to a pub in town,” he tells her, hoping the subject can be dropped. He checks the time on his phone, wishing for it to fly by. The fact that he’d rather be at work right now says a lot. 

“Well that doesn’t sound very special,” she scoffs, finally giving her cheese and pickle sarnie some attention. 

“Yeah well, neither of us were really admitting it was a date at all so low key was kind of perfect,” the words stumble out of his mouth without him even realizing it until he’s met with his mum’s soft smile and watery eyes. “Oh don’t start,” he cuts her off before she can start awwing at him again. 

“I’m just pleased for ya love, honest,” she smiles at him and he can’t lie that it feels good. If he’s being honest, they’ve never had this kind of relationship and as strange and uncomfortable as it is, it’s nice. 

“Right well, try being pleased with your dinner instead,” he nods at her practically untouched food.

She grumbles the word ‘mardy’ and digs in, continuing to look up at him periodically with soft eyes but he tries to ignore it, enjoying his ham and cheese instead. Distracting himself further, he wonders how Robert is getting on. He’s having dinner at the pub with Andy and Vic and Diane. There’s been no ‘rescue me’ text from him, so he guesses it must be going well. They’ve all gotten a lot closer since Robert told Diane and he’s so proud of him for that. 

“So…” Chas starts again, swallowing down her last bit of sandwich. He braces himself for whatever detail she’s going to try and pry out of him next. “Did your dad know?” 

He nearly chokes on his sarnie, a bit of bread getting lodged momentarily in his throat as his eyes fly up to meet hers. There’s an earnest, interested expression on her face, and he drops his eyes back down immediately to the table, not wanting to betray the fear he knows is written all over his face. He puts down his sandwich, his hands clammy all of a sudden, doesn’t think he could finish eating it now anyway. 

“What?” he manages, though it comes out half as a raspy whisper. 

“About you, being gay and all?” she clarifies. “Seems like everyone else knew before me.” 

With difficulty, he swallows down the panic that’s rising in him. All he needs to do is say ‘no’ and that’s the end of it. It’s not even about Gordon, it’s about her, as usual. He can do this. Opening his mouth, he tries to get another word out but it’s not there. Instead, he just shakes his head, hoping, praying that she’ll drop it. 

“Oh,” she muses but he can barely concentrate, her voice just sounding like a buzzing in his ears. “You two always used to be so close.” 

Close? The word rattles around in his head, throwing him back and forth with it till he feels nauseous. Pulling out his phone while trying to keep his hands from shaking, he checks the time again, doesn’t even see what it says, the numbers blurry. “I uhh, I should really be getting back,” he manages eventually. 

“Son?” she asks. He used to call him that too. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” he squeaks, swallows hard again. “I just...there’s an engine rebuild and I uhh…”

“Have to get back?” she finishes for him, looking disappointed. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes as he stands, locking his knees to keep them steady. With one last glance at her, he turns and hurries out the door. 

\---

Robert munches on a chip slowly as he wipes the grease off of one hand and pulls his phone out for the hundredth time to check it. He worries every time Aaron’s off alone with Chas, worried she’ll say something stupid and set him off. They’re doing so much better now but it doesn’t stop him being concerned, for Aaron’s sake. No messages, he sees, which calms him a little bit. 

“Oi!” Andy says. “I’ll take that!” His brother reaches over and snatches the phone out of his hand, setting it on the other side of his lunch, his burger obstructing his view. “I’m sure lover boy is fine.” 

“Aww I think it’s dead cute!” Vic grins at him. 

“Ugh!” Robert squirms at being referred to as ‘cute’ by his little sister. “Just give me my phone back, right.”

He reaches for it but Andy blocks him with a stupid smile on his face. “You’re obsessed. You’ll get it back after. Now eat your food.” 

“Fine,” Robert grumbles, taking a bite out of his cheese toastie, a garbled ‘i hate you’ formed around a mouthful of gooey melted cheese. He doesn’t mean it, which is strange. They’re acting like brothers and it’s still weird. 

“I still think it’s adorable,” Victoria chimes in as only an annoying little sister can. 

Diane even has smile on her face, soft eyes directed at him. He doesn’t want to be adorable. “Changing the subject now please,” he pleads. 

Leaning against the bar, Diane signals to Bob to serve the drinks for a while, picking at her own lunch. “How’s the farm doing?” she offers and Robert is grateful. 

“Yeah it’s going well,” Andy says. “If we have another good month with this contract, we might even be able to hire a couple of workers.” 

“There’s no might,” Robert interjects, tasting his freedom already, “It’s happening.” 

“Cause you’re tired of doing actual work,” Andy laughs, nudging him gently with a smile on his face. They’ve talked it over enough times now that he doesn’t take it as the offense that he used to. 

“I just know what I’m good at,” he points out. “Besides, we’re thinking retrofitting one of the old barns into a packing plant so we can package our own meat too and increase our output for the store. We’ll need more help for that.” 

“As long as I don’t have to help,” Victoria adds. 

“It is a family farm,” Andy teases her, nicking a crisp from the bag she’s got in her hand. 

She swats at his hand with a frown on her face and then gives him a punch on the shoulder to repay him for the theft. “Actually,” she announces, “I told Val, I’d help her out at the B&B. So I’ll be too busy.”

“Careful with Val,” Robert warns her, thinking about his own day helping out there. “Give her an inch and she’ll take a mile.” 

Diane laughs at that, knows her sister well, but she’s got a big soppy grin on her face when he turns toward her again, eyes tearing up just a little bit. “You know, your dad would be so proud of you, all of you.”

Robert winces at her words, a reflex at this point, but all of a sudden there’s a hand on his back, drifting between his shoulder blades, Andy. It startles him for a moment and he tenses further before he recognizes the gesture for what it is, support. For the first time, he’s glad he finally told his brother. 

“I reckon he would,” Andy tells her, flashing her a big smile before letting it fall to a quick look of concern as he glances his way. 

He gives him a nod, to let him know he’s okay, and he is. The words still cut deep but knowing his brother has his back soothes some of the hurt. Andy’s the last person he thought would understand any of this but he’s so grateful that he has. He knows he has Aaron too, always there if he needs to talk about it. His mind drifts to him again for a moment. The past few days really have been a bit of a whirlwind for all of them but he’s glad that Aaron was finally able to tell her and that aside from her initial reaction, she seems to be taking it all quite well. He’s glad he at least doesn’t have to suffer her death stare anymore. Though she did warn him that if he hurt her boy, she’d kill him and no one would find his body. It’s a start, he supposes. 

“But enough about us, Diane,” Andy changes the subject with an ease Robert didn’t know he actually possessed. “How are you doing? I see Doug still has his eye on you.” 

His brother nods toward the table near the door where Doug Potts is sitting with Leyla but it’s not him that catches Robert’s attention, but who’s coming in through the door, Katie. He barely registers Diane’s protest of ‘oh stop’ in the background as he involuntarily tenses at her presence. It’s ridiculous, he knows that, because everyone who matters knows now and he hasn’t felt this ‘himself’ in years. Still, she sidles up to them with that smug look on her face and leans next to him at the bar. 

“This looks cozy,” she says, one eyebrow raised in his direction, a challenge. 

Gritting his teeth at her tone, he grips the edge of the counter and turns toward her. “Just do one Katie.” The words come out harsh and Andy has a hand on his arm like a warning but he pushes on. “You don’t have anything on me anymore.”

She has the decency to look a bit embarrassed by that and Aaron told him that Chas gave her a talking to already about the whole thing. The tiff must be getting at her if she’s coming to try and stir trouble with him. 

“What’s this?” Andy asks, peering at her around his shoulder. 

There are Dingles in the bar, Charity and Debbie, and he doesn’t want to make a scene for Aaron’s sake so he downplays it a bit. “It’s nothing.” 

“Rob?” Andy doesn’t seem to want to leave it but Katie does, as she tries to just order a white wine and be done with it. 

His brother’s hand on his arm gives him a squeeze of encouragement and he relents. “She caught us,” he says, his voice quiet, still embarrassed almost even though he shouldn’t be. “Aaron and I. She threatened to tell Chas-”

“I didn’t,” Katie protests. 

“You said if he eased up on Chas then you’d keep your mouth shut,” Robert snaps at her. “He was on edge for a week and so was I.” 

“Is this true?” Andy asks her, turning in his seat a bit to get a better look at her. His eyes narrow a bit as he studies her like he’s trying to burrow through her defenses and get at the truth. 

“That’s not-I-” she stammers. “I mean-that’s not what I meant.” 

“I know Chas has already had a word with you,” Robert adds to drive the knife in. 

She winces at that and it gives him a little thrill.

“I think you should go,” Andy tells her and the words nearly make his heart stop. He’s still not used to the idea of his brother being on his side. 

“I-” Katie starts to protest again. 

“It might be for the best, pet,” Diane chimes in and Robert thinks he’s barely breathing at this point. 

Katie picks up the purse she had set on the counter to order and slings it over her shoulder, a sour expression on her face. He watches her give Andy one more pleading look but he simply turns his head away from her, returning to his drink. The cold shoulder act probably won’t last long, Robert thinks, but he’s grateful for it nevertheless. There’s a warm feeling in his chest as he watches Katie sigh dramatically and slink off toward the door. It’s one he’s rarely felt before, like he’s part of a real family. 

“Cow,” Vic mutters as they all turn back to their meals and Robert finally allows himself to smile. 

He lets the smile drop quickly because otherwise he’ll look like a bit of a psycho, grinning at someone else’s expense but he’s still beaming on the inside. He just never expected his whole family to stick up for him like that. Usually he’s the one being immediately blamed for everything. The warmth in his chest spreads throughout his whole body until he’s tingling with it. It’s a good feeling. 

“Thanks,” he says quietly and then feels weird about saying it so he tips his pint back, finishing it off. 

Andy gives him a playful nudge on his shoulder. “We do have your back, Rob,” Andy says, a hushed tone so as not to embarrass him. “Sorry it took so long.”

“Another pint, Robert?” Diane asks him, pointing to his now empty glass, and it’s weird having all of the attention on him but it’s nice too. 

He goes to nod but he hears his phone pinging over the other side of Andy’s plate. “Is that Aaron?” he asks immediately, ignoring his brother’s smirk.

“Aww,” Vic coos at him, picking it up before he or Andy can get to it. 

“Shut up,” he tells her, but it’s playful. “Give it here.” 

“He needs you,” Vic says, reading the text. “Ew! That’s not code for-”

“No!” Robert tells her, reaching for the phone, he wishes. It’s probably code for Chas said something insensitive. “ Give it here.” 

Victoria finally hands it over and he reads the text himself, just a simple ‘I need you’ and that’s it. If there’s no further detail, he can guess what it’s about. Pocketing the phone, he take a last bite of his cheese toastie and leaves the rest. 

“I’m sorry about this,” he makes his apologies. “I should go though.”

“Is everything alright, pet?” Diane asks. “Is there anything that we-”

“I’ve got it covered,” Robert says quickly as he gives them all an awkward wave goodbye. “It’ll be alright.” 

\---

Panicked, Robert hurries out of the pub, thinking all sorts. He’d played it cool in front of his family but he couldn’t get those images of Aaron standing on the edge of the quarry out of his head again and it makes his heart race with fear. He doesn’t ever want to experience that again. In reality though, he doesn’t have to go far to find him. Aaron’s there, pacing back in forth in front of the pub, wringing his hands together and constantly looking up toward the door. His eyes light up when he sees him but they quickly fade, his whole face dropping. 

“I’m sorry,” he says when Robert reaches him. “I’m sorry I didn’t want to ruin-”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Robert assures him. “What happened?” 

Aaron shakes his head, looks like he’s mentally berating himself already. “It’s stupid. It’s nothing. Just...get back to your dinner. I shouldn’t have-”

“Hey,” Robert says, grabbing for his arm just so he’ll stop pacing. There’s four red marks, deep in his palm where his fingernails have dug in. It breaks his heart. “Come on. Is anyone at yours?”

“No, Paddy’s up at the Barton’s all day,” Aaron tells him, his voice shaking a bit. 

Robert nods and walks him back there, sits him down in the living room on the sofa with Clyde by his side, while he makes him a cup of tea. He comes back to him, looking a bit calmer, stroking his hand rhythmically through the german shepherd’s fur. Clyde seems to be enjoying it way too much, eyes closed and tongue lolling out of his mouth. 

“Feeling better?” Robert asks him as he perches on the coffee table and hands over the brew into Aaron’s waiting hands. 

He nods as he takes a sip. “Yeah,” he confirms. “I’m sorry I-” 

“I already told you it was fine,” Robert assures him again, placing his hand on his knee in an effort to get him to believe it. “What happened? Did Chas says something?” 

“What else?” Aaron shrugs, his hand slipping from Clyde’s fur. The dog looks up at him, gives him a whine of protest but Aaron shoos him off and Robert takes the cue and slides in next to him instead, pulling him into a one armed embrace. 

“About Gordon?” Robert fishes even though he knows. They’ve stopped referring to him as his dad and it helps, at least a little. There’s a few tears in Aaron’s eyes as he nods his head yes and then lays it down on Robert’s shoulder. He tightens his embrace; he’d hold him forever if it helped. 

\---

Twelve pairs of eyes stare at him as he sits there on a cold metal folding chair in the community center in Hotten. Aaron’s been getting better about sharing when he comes to group but it still makes him nervous every time. He can’t help it. It’s terrifying, exposing yourself like this. They’re not strangers anymore though, and that makes it easier, a bit. He runs his fingers over the red crescents on his palm, feeling guilty about doing it, knows it makes Robert worry about him more. 

“You gonna say something or what?” Will snaps him back into focus. He’s new and he’s angry and scared. Aaron can see it in his eyes and knows the feeling well. 

“Will,” Thomas warns him with a calm, soothing tone of voice. It reminds him of the soft voice Robert uses with him, the one that used to make him angry because it made him feel weird, made him feel things he was scared of feeling. 

“I came out to me mum,” Aaron starts slowly, placing his hand palm down on his knee so he can’t see the tiny cuts anymore. 

“So what,” Will interrupts again. 

“Will,” Thomas’s voice is harsher this time. “Go on Aaron.” 

“I was so scared to tell her,” he admits because it’s true. He was terrified. “For so long I thought-I thought he had made me this way, Gordon.” 

“That’s stupid,” Ethan cuts off his rambling. 

“Yeah,” Charlie chimes in, “You’re not gay because of what he did.” 

“I know that now,” Aaron says and he believes it too. 

“That’s good Aaron,” Thomas encourages him. “And how did it go?”

It was a disaster at first, Aaron muses to himself. “Yeah it went alright,” he tells them. It did in the end anyway. “She’s way too interested in my life now, even more than before.” He stops, thinking about what happened yesterday, how he lost it. “She asked if he had known, Gordon.”

“And how did you handle it?” Thomas asks. 

“I didn’t,” Aaron sighs. “She was making it all about her, about how everyone else knew about me before she did, asked if he did too because she’s got this idea that we were always so...close.” The word still makes him cringe. “I hated her so much in that moment all over again because she couldn’t have been further from the truth and she had left me there with him.”

“Bitch,” Will sneers. 

“No,” Aaron argues and he’s surprised how much he means that. “They weren’t happy and she didn’t know what he was like, couldn’t have known and I never said anything. I still wish she had though, known, and gotten me out of there. But we’ve been getting along so well now and I don’t want to ruin it but when she mentions him-” 

“It takes you back,” Will finishes for him and Aaron recognizes so much of himself in the other boy. 

“Yeah,” Aaron admits, turning his palm over, letting them see. It’s a big step. “I found Robert though. He’s always good at calming me down.” 

There’s a wolf whistle from the other side of the circle and Aaron looks up to see Ben grinning at him. “I bet he is.” 

“Shut up,” Aaron fires back but he smiles too. They’re all messes here and Robert was right, it does help talking about it all. 

\---

“So it all went well then?” Robert asks him as they get back to the village, parking up in front of the pub. 

He’s waited as long as he can to ask him and Aaron’s actually impressed by his will power that he made it this long. He knows though, that he likes to have a bit of quiet after group, after it all gets brought up again. It’s one of the things he-. He stops his train of thought short like always, knows what word is floating around in there. With group and how things are with his mum again though, everything feels too heavy for him to even think about saying it out loud. Soon though, he thinks, hopes he can manage it. 

“Yeah it was good,” he says simply as they get out of the car. 

“Love!” he hears shouted down the street and he turns to see his mum stumbling toward him, shaky on her high heels. She’s dressed up like she’s some sort of playboy bunny, tight black outfit with her boobs spilling out over the top, a bow tie and bunny ears to top it all off. He’s never been more horrified in his life. 

“Should you be out dressed like that?” he asks as she comes closer and then remembers that it’s Nicola’s hen do today. 

“Love, I hate to think we’ve fallen out,” she slurs in a whiny voice. 

“Yeah well,” he tries to fob her off. He doesn’t really want to deal with her when she’s like this. 

“I just want to make it up with ya,” she tries again. “Just tell me what I said. Was it about your d-”

“Woah there,” Robert cuts in, helping keep her upright. “How much have you had to drink?” 

“Oh Rob!” she smiles at him and Aaron can’t help but roll his eyes. “You’re keeping my boy happy aren’t you?” She twists around in his grip and gives him a sloppy hug and kiss on the cheek. He watches Robert’s eyes widen in shock and he can’t help but laugh. 

“There’s that smile,” she says as she turns back toward him. “I don’t like seeing ya sad. And I don’t want you to be mad with me. Come here.” She tries to pull him into a hug as well but he’s not having it, not right now.

“Oh my g- not,” he holds his arms out, refusing to give in. 

“Just let me give you a cuddle,” she tells him, trying to pull him in tighter. 

“Get-get off me,” he wriggles out of her grasp, finding safety by Robert’s side. 

She pouts but eventually sighs at him and wanders off toward the pub, looking like she’s on a mission. He wonders if Nicola’s lurking somewhere with that pig mask or any of the rest of them. Getting ambushed by that lot is about the last thing he wants right now. All he wanted was a quiet pint. He’d forgotten about all of this. 

“Hen do,” he tells Robert when he sees his confused face. 

“Oh right, which means that the stag night is probably going on through there,” Robert points at the pub door. “Could probably get a few free drinks out of them if you fancy.”

“And spend the evening with Carl King?” Aaron reminds him of who’s likely inside. He is Jimmy’s brother after all. “Yeah right.” 

“Fair point,” Robert concedes. “Empty house back at mine,” he suggests instead. “Andy’s out with Adele and Vic’s gone off to the Bartons to do...I don’t know...girl stuff with Hannah. I think she’s just gone to stare at Adam though. Those two-”

“Sold,” Aaron cuts him off, already getting back into the car. 

“Perfect,” Robert grins. 

\---

“They’re not technically doing anything wrong,” Robert tries to tell him as they sit across the bar from Carl and Eve. 

“Are you kidding? They’re all over each other,” Aaron gestures toward them which draws Carl’s eye for a second but he doesn’t even seem to care. 

He’s heard whisperings all day that she showed up to the stag do and now he almost wishes he had come in for a bit. Things might be a bit off between him and his mum right now but the last thing he wants is her getting hurt like this. Still, he wouldn’t have given up his night with Robert last night. It was just what he needed. Ben wasn’t totally wrong when he insinuated Robert knew how to calm him down like that at group. 

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Robert says as he pays for another round of drinks from Marlon who’s covering the bar today it seems. 

“You what?”

“I’m just saying, he messes up, your mum will break up with him and then you’ll both be shot of him,” Robert explains, sliding his pint across toward him. 

He takes a sip, tries to think of it like that even if he hates all of it. “Suppose,” he relents. 

There’s another person drawing his eye in the pub anyway. Val’s son, Paul, is in for the wedding and he’s been sat there with Val and Rodney and Jimmy the whole time they’ve been there. Everything about Paul is what he hated the thought of being when he was coming to terms with his sexuality. It was like if he accepted that he was gay, then he’d have to be that. He’s spent enough time at Bar West with Robert now, met enough people that he knows that’s ridiculous. They’re all different and he is who he is, being gay doesn’t change that. He doesn’t feel threatened by blokes like Paul anymore.

He’s probably alright, Paul, he supposes, though it makes him nervous having another gay bloke in the pub, like he thinks maybe he can sense that he’s like him. As much as he wants to be okay with telling the rest of his family, he still can’t make himself do it. Telling his mum was hard enough and they weren’t even on the best terms now. She’d still defend him though if it went wrong, he knows that. He just needs to figure out a way to let her back in first. 

The opportunity comes quickly when she walks into the pub next but Shadrach and Zak are trailing behind her, trying to beg a drink or two off of her. Zak’s already got his special beer stein in his grasp, waving it at her. Maybe now isn’t the time after all. Still, her face falls a bit when she sees him and he feels guilty for shutting her out the last two days. She bypasses him though, doesn’t try to make a scene and he thinks maybe she’s learning that he needs space sometimes but then he sees her spot Carl and Eve. Her face falls further into a deep frown as she watches them for a moment before they see her. Eve just shrugs, shamelessly, and gives Carl a wink on her way out as he gets up and hurries Jimmy along to finish his lunch with Paul. 

“We’ve got to go to the rehearsal,” Carl tells her as he nods at his brother.

“Yeah, yeah, right,” Jimmy confirms, getting up from the table. “She’ll divorce me before we’re married if we’re late.” 

“See you at home?” he offers her as Jimmy starts pushing him toward the door. 

“Yeah, right,” she says flatly.

Robert nudges his knee under the bar. “You okay?” he asks. 

“Yeah, fine,” he says, watching Carl and Jimmy go, the rest getting up to settle up with Marlon. “Maybe you’re right. The sooner he screws it all up for himself the better.”

“Cheers to the inevitable then,” Robert clinks their glasses together, trying to get him to smile. 

He starts to until he sees his mum pull Paul aside, hears her ask if he has a minute, and then she’s guiding him back to the table as Val and Rodney make their goodbyes. His eyes are glued on them as he tries to read her lips, figure out what she’s saying. She’s speaking too softly for him to hear but she keeps glancing over at him and it’s making him sweat a bit, his hands clammy underneath the bar as Robert tries to grab hold of one of them. Somehow he’s always able to sense his mood shifts. 

He pulls his hand away immediately as Cain and Ryan walk in, overalls tied around their waists, laughing about some customer between them. They plop down on the stools next to him and Robert and Cain follows his gaze toward his mum and Paul. He tries to look away but he’s not fast enough. 

“Enjoying your day off, sunshine,” Cain starts. “Or you too busy staring at Paul over there. Maybe Chas can get you his number.” 

“Piss off,” Aaron tells him, trying to play it off like it’s nothing. 

“I think he’s protesting a bit too much there,” Ryan adds in, like he’s trying to score points with Cain. 

“Why don’t both of you just do one and leave him alone,” Robert lays into them, his voice harder than it needs to be. 

“Watch it Sugden,” Cain laughs. “Someone might just start thinking you’re jealous.” 

“Who’s jealous?” Zak asks as he and Shadrach wander over, setting his empty cup down in front of Cain, nodding toward it suggestively. “Do us a favor, son.” 

Cain shakes his head at both of them and weirdly, Aaron’s almost grateful for their interruption. “You two are pathetic, you know that?” his uncle tells them but he’s still calling Marlon over, sighing, “Just get them both a pint.” 

“Thanks son,” Zak grins as Marlon fills up his mug and passes it over. 

“Yeah,” Shadrach echoes as he drinks his greedily. 

Cain’s not totally wrong about them, Aaron thinks but that doesn’t mean he’s not bricking it having them all here staring at him and Robert while his mum’s over there chatting with Paul about who knows what. When he first came back here, Zak had laid down the Dingle Law for him after he’d been caught trying to sell stolen drugs from Paddy’s. He’d hated him a bit for it but he’d always respected him too, looked up to him and he feels like he’s somewhat earned his respect back and he doesn’t want to lose that. And his granddad, he was a drunk sure, but he’d been his salvation sometimes when he’d come to visit his mum as a kid, giving him a distraction by teaching him to play cards. The thought of disappointing them makes him feel a bit sick. 

Robert knows and he’s trying to give him an understanding look without drawing attention to them. Their legs are pressed together under the bar but it’s all a bit too much for him with all of them here, feeling like they’re watching him. He’s trying not to look over at his mum and Paul either because he doesn’t want to hear Cain make any more comments or get Zak and Shadrach involved either, but it’s hard not to. 

“I’ll just head to the bog and then we’ll go,” Robert says to him, practically in a whisper while Cain’s busy ordering food. Aaron nods slightly. “You gonna be alright here for a minute?”

“Just go, Robert,” he nudges his knee into him. The sooner he does, the sooner they can leave. 

Robert pays for the meal and then heads off, Aaron standing too and leaving his cousin a tip, which he doesn’t normally do. Marlon certainly seems surprised but he just didn’t want the others to think Robert was paying for both of them, like this was some sort of date. It wasn’t anyway. It was just...normal. 

“So you gonna cling onto Sugden the rest of the day or?” Cain teases as he slides his wallet back into his pocket. 

“What?” Aaron tries not to sound as defensive as he feels. 

“Yeah you could always come in and-” Ryan starts. 

“Just cause you want to clock off early,” Aaron pushes back. “And for what? Hardly like you’ve got any prospects.” 

“Oi!” Ryan protests.

The others are laughing at him now though and it eases the pressure off of his chest. He hopes Robert hurries up. He should just go outside and wait for him but then his mum is standing up and waving at him, calling him over to the table...with Paul and the pressure is back. 

“Aaron, love,” she says as he inches closer, not wanting to rouse more suspicion by ignoring her. If he looks as miserable as he feels maybe they won’t think anything of it. “You know Paul, don’t you?” 

“I guess,” he mutters, noncommittal, looking toward the doors to the bogs and hoping Robert walks through soon to save him from this, whatever this is.

“Hello Aaron,” Paul says, his accent making him seem all proper. 

Chas smiles at the two of them and Aaron already doesn’t like where this is going. He glances back at the others and checks to see if they’re paying attention. Fortunately they’re not. Doesn’t stop him panicking though. 

“I just thought,” his mum says. “I know you’re mad with me, over something I said the other day. I know-I know it wasn’t just that you had to get back to work. I just-I thought if I talked to Paul, well...about you, I could-I could figure it out and-”

“So you told him about me?” Aaron hisses at her, keeping his voice low. 

“Aaron he’s-” she tries. 

“Yeah I know what he is mum, but-” 

“You know,” Paul interjects, “I wasted years being ashamed of who I am, may I suggest you don’t do the same.” 

His voice is louder than Aaron would like and it seems like it’s drawn Cain’s attention at least. “What’s this?” he asks. 

Aaron feels his stomach drop, like his entire dinner is going to come up. His skin prickles with nerves and he needs to get out of this as quick as possible. “I don’t need any advice from a mincing queen like you!” he tells him and bolts, regretting the comment immediately. He hears the others laughing behind him though and he thinks they’re laughing at Paul and not him. That doesn’t make him feel any better though, worse actually. 

He races outside, kicks at one of the picnic table benches, sending the whole table lurching forward, scraping across the tarmac. Heart racing, he feels out of control and that scares him, like he doesn’t know what he’s capable of right now. He feels the cuts on his palm open up as he squeezes his fist but he stops at the first sign of pain, doesn’t want to do that to himself again. He needs Robert, needs to talk about it, scream about it, something. 

“Aaron!” he hears Chas shout at him as she comes out of the pub. No one’s followed her yet so he seizes the moment and grabs hold of her arm, too tightly, pulling her aside. “Ow! Aaron you’re hurting me!” 

He backs off immediately, hands in the air, surrendering to himself as much as her. “Why did you? You told him! After I asked you to let me do this in my own time!” 

“Aaron, no,” she protests. “I was just trying to help, to figure out what I did-”

“Cause it’s always about you, isn’t it mum?” he slams the words into her, the ones always on the tip of his tongue. She looks hurt but he doesn’t care right now. “That’s not your secret to tell, mum!”

“But he’s-”

“I don’t care,” Aaron shouts at her. “It doesn’t matter who you’re telling, it’s-you don’t get it! You have no idea how hard all of this has been for me-”

“Aaron! No one’s going to care that you’re gay! I prom-”

She stops short as Cain, Zak, Shadrach and Ryan spill out of the pub to investigate the shouting. Aaron pales at the sight of them, feels like he’s going to pass out but he can’t. He can’t be that weak in front of them. Oh god, he thinks to himself, they know. The looks on their faces confirm for him every fear he’s had about this moment. They look horrified and he feels every raised eyebrow and dropped jaw like a dagger to his burning skin. It feels like time has stopped. He wants to shove all of this back into the box it belongs in but he can’t, it’s out there. The waiting is killing him. 

“Chas, love,” Shadrach stutters, “You shouldn’t go around shouting stuff like that. Our Aaron’s not like...that.” 

The way he says it makes his skin crawl. He can’t be here, so he’s not. He runs. 

\---

Robert hears the shouting and he can’t get outside fast enough. He’d gotten caught up with Diane for a moment as she was coming through from the back and he knew he’d left Aaron too long but he didn’t quite expect all hell to break loose. Bursting out through the front door of the pub he finds everyone arguing, Chas shouting the odds at her dad, Zak raising his voice and Cain trying to calm everyone down. He sees Ryan slinking off back to garage to get away from it all but he doesn’t see Aaron and that makes him panic. Whipping out his mobile, he fires off a quick text, needs to know that whatever else, Aaron’s okay. Then he charges forward. 

“What the hell happened?” Robert shouts at them, mostly at Chas because he suspects she’s the culprit. 

“No Rob,” she whines at him, no, cries, she’s clearly upset. “I didn’t mean to, honest!!” 

“Didn’t mean to what?” Robert needs to get to the bottom of this and fast. 

“Maybe you’ve just got it wrong,” Zak is saying over him. 

No, Robert thinks, knowing what it is that’s happened now. His phone, still in his hand, buzzes with a text. ‘Fine’ is all it says, but it’s enough for him to breathe. 

“Yeah, Chas, maybe you just got it wrong,” Shadrach agrees with his brother. 

“I mean, Aaron’s dated lasses before,” Zak points out. “That Victoria, your sister, right Robert? Tell her.” 

They’re trying so hard to talk their way out of it, like being gay is the worst thing in the world. If Aaron heard all this, he’s not sure how he could be fine. He needs to find him now, but he’ll let them have a piece of his mind first. At this point, he doesn’t have to be careful anymore. He pushes through the lot of them, not caring, to get to Chas. 

“You actually outed him?” he yells at her. “After everything? Are you serious?” 

“It just came out, Rob, I promise, I didn’t mean to and then they were all here and-” she’s a blubbering mess and he almost feels sorry for her, almost. What she did was worse than even Katie’s threats. 

“Oi!” Cain shouts at him, like he’s angry at him for upsetting her. It’s all laughable really. “What’s this got to do with you anyway, Sugden?” 

Robert rounds on him, stops just short of punching him because getting into a fight with Cain Dingle, no matter the circumstance is not a good idea. Instead, he just throws up his hands and raises an eyebrow at him, exhausted, and hopes he gets the hint. 

“What?” Cain’s eyes widen and he seems to have gotten it. “You and him? No way.” 

Robert stands his ground, he’s not going to be ashamed of it anymore, not when he knows he’s got his family on his side now. “What? You got a problem with it?” he asks. 

He watches Cain’s mouth pucker, like he’s swallowed something sour, his eyes not just wide but bulging out of his head like he’s not sure what he’s seeing. Robert’s not sure if it’s him standing up to him that’s got him reacting like this or if it’s the fact that he’s with his nephew but he doesn’t have time to stand around and chat about it. He needs to find Aaron, make sure he’s safe.

\---

Robert finds him at the quarry. He had a gut feeling he’d be here even though he’d half hoped he was wrong, flashes of that night running on a loop in his head the whole way here, memories he wishes he could forget. Aaron’s at the edge but he’s throwing rocks over it instead of looking like he’s going to jump. He feels his whole body shudder with relief as he gets out of the car, slamming the door shut to let him know he’s there. Turning, Aaron spots him, a defeated look on his face and Robert closes the space in a few quick strides and wraps him up into his arms. 

“They all know,” Aaron sobs into his shoulder, soaking his shirt through with his tears. “They all know and they hate me.” 

“Screw ‘em!” Robert tells him as he runs a hand up and down his back. 

Aaron pulls away for a moment. “So they do, hate me then?” His voice sounds so small and scared and Robert hates that he has to doubt the way his family feels about him, especially after Robert’s own experiences have been so positive for him. 

“They’re just in shock, Aaron,” he tries. “They’ll come around.” 

Wiping at the tears on his face, Aaron slumps to the ground with a sigh. “What did they say?”

He sits down next to him, leans a shoulder into his. “I didn’t stick around very long to hear much after I figured out what had happened,” he admits. Maybe he should have. Maybe he should have tried to get them to understand. 

“Granddad...he-” Aaron starts but can’t seem to finish the thought, scowling and growling at the situation. 

“Shadrach Dingle has never been known for his tact,” Robert tries but he knows none of it is really sinking in. 

“I wasn’t-I wasn’t thinking about-about jumping,” Aaron tells him. 

“I know,” Robert assures him. It’s only a half lie but the text certainly helped. 

“I just needed to get out of there.”

 

“I know. I get it,” Robert tells him.

“They’re going to treat me different now, if they talk to me at all,” Aaron says and the sadness in his voice breaks Robert’s heart that much more. 

“I don’t know how it’s going to go, Aaron, but you know I’m here for you. Always,” he says, needs him to know that much. 

“Yeah,” Aaron looks at him, his eyes still watery but he can see the understanding there. 

“At least we don’t have to hide anymore,” he offers. At least that’s a silver lining in all of this. If the Dingles know and Ryan, the whole village will soon enough. 

“They don’t know about you though do they?” Aaron asks innocently, like he would keep things quiet if Robert wanted them to and Robert can’t help but look at him with awe. 

“Oh they know,” Robert says through a lopsided smile. “You should have seen Cain’s face when I told him.”

He replicates the expression the best he can, holding it until even Aaron can’t resist breaking into a grin. The laughter that comes after is beautiful and it never ceases to amaze Robert how good he feels at being the person that can bring out this side of Aaron. It makes him feel like he’s on top of the world and sitting up here at the edge of the quarry, their legs dangling off now into the depths below he supposes he sort of is. Throwing an arm around Aaron, he pulls him into him and kisses him, unable to stop himself. 

“You really just came out and told them?” Aaron asks after they break apart. 

“Yeah,” Robert says, feeling the insecurities at the edges of Aaron’s voice. “I love you Aaron, and I don’t care who knows it.” 

Burying his head into the crook of his neck, Aaron goes quiet for a moment. He wonders if he’s pushed things too far again but he knows they’ve talked about this, it’s fine. Still, he’s about to open his mouth and clarify things when Aaron opens his instead. 

“Robert I-” It’s like the words are there but he can’t push past some invisible barrier in his brain. It still makes him sad, but he accepts it now. He knows what he means and he tells himself it's enough. 

“It’s okay,” he tells him. “I know.” 

“Yeah,” Aaron says quietly and pushes further against him, playing with the ends of his sleeves in his lap as they sit together, just enjoying each other’s company for a while until they have to go back and face the world, together, always together. 

And then, so softly that Robert’s not even sure he’s heard it.

“I love you too.”


End file.
